What is a friend to you?

NeonCookies

Something I saw on Facebook got me thinking about the definition of a friend nowadays. There are so many layers of "friendship" and varying degrees of trust. With social networking, it has become even more complicated, even somewhat deceptive. So, the question: what is a friend to you? And do you make friends easily?

I see very few people as friends. These are normally people I've known for a long time, I can be myself around, they will tell me if I'm being out of line etc. Other people I see as acquaintances but there are so many levels within that - people who I almost see as friends, and people who I'd have a quick "How are you?" conversation if I bump into them.

The biggest hurdle for me is being myself around someone, completely relaxed. It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am, just that I often have a guard up. For example, if I'm in someone's house who I don't know well enough by my standards, I will still be quite formal. Whereas I've noticed other people seem completely comfortable. In work, I'm quite professional. Whereas again, other people seem to be able to relax, have the banter, make friends. People pick up on this guard, and I think it stops them getting close to me and me to them.

I don't have to see someone every week to be friends with them. I think a true friend is someone you don't have to see if you're both busy, but when you do get the time you can slot back together with ease. But, someone who will always be there if you do need them, no matter how busy they are. Be it for a phone call, a shoulder to cry on, a lift if you find yourself in a sticky situation. I'm abroad, away from all of my true friends at the moment apart from my OH. This has made me realize how long it takes me to make friends, and it upset me when I could see everyone around me making and having friends. But, after a dark period of homesickness I've accepted it and have decided to enjoy my "aquaintanceships". Maybe over time they'll become friends, but I'm not going to stress over it. If not, I already have some great ones

LittleBook

NeonCookies wrote: »

I see very few people as friends. These are normally people I've known for a long time, I can be myself around, they will tell me if I'm being out of line etc.

I don't have to see someone every week to be friends with them. I think a true friend is someone you don't have to see if you're both busy, but when you do get the time you can slot back together with ease. But, someone who will always be there if you do need them, no matter how busy they are. Be it for a phone call, a shoulder to cry on, a lift if you find yourself in a sticky situation.

I think you've pretty much summed it up there for me anyways

NeonCookies wrote: »

I'm abroad, away from all of my true friends at the moment apart from my OH. This has made me realize how long it takes me to make friends, and it upset me when I could see everyone around me making and having friends. But, after a dark period of homesickness I've accepted it and have decided to enjoy my "aquaintanceships". Maybe over time they'll become friends, but I'm not going to stress over it. If not, I already have some great ones

There's nothing wrong with being a little guarded with new people. I was abroad for a long time and missed my friends terribly to the point where I became friends with people who were not "friends material" and ended up having to cut them out. Take your time, these acquaintances may become friends but there's no hurry as long as you're out and about and enjoying yourself.

At my age it's pretty simple to know who is a friend and who isn't and it constantly amazes me to read here and in Personal Issues people describe how their "friends" carry on. These are not friends by any stretch of the imagination.

When in doubt, consult your trusty dictionary ... a friend is ... a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard ... a person who gives assistance ... a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile ... a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; an intimate.

A lot of what I read about "friends" falls far short of even the most basic definition.

LeeHoffmann

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princess-lala

I have a wide circle of friends but maybe only four I'd fully trust with my life because these four have been there for me when I've needed them.

A friend to me is someone who is at the other end of the phone 24/7 no matter what. I'd do anything for my friends and vice versa

The Big Red Button

My real friends are the ones that I can go weeks/months without seeing, and when we talk, it's just like we picked up where we left off.

Outside of my family and my boyfriend, I have around ten very close friends. Three childhood friends (two of whom are in different continents right now.) Three secondary school friends. Five college friends (some abroad.) And, actually, there are a couple of others I randomly picked up along the way (:P), that I'd be very close to too, and would consider them to be amongst my "best" friends.

There are many of these who I don't get to see on a regular basis - due to distance etc - but, when we do meet up, it's like we'd only seen each other yesterday ... there is no awkwardness, there is nothing we wouldn't feel comfortable saying to each other. I love that.

Catari Jaguar

To me, friends are the family you make for yourself. I get on with most people if I make an effort. If I don't like you I won't bother with you, I hate insincerity. I would be called a friend by more people than I would consider are friends to me, in my eyes they'd be acquaintances or casual friends. I tend to seek individual people out based on their traits, so was never one for cliques/ gangs. I find them nasty.

I keep my guard up and I don't let a lot of people close to me, I have maybe 5 very good friends that I trust and care about. Really kind hearted, good natured, fun, reliable, trustworthy, sincere people. I would be extremly loyal to them and expect the same back. If I'm let down or crossed they'll hear about it and if needs I'll just cut them out.

ICANN

chatterpillar wrote: »

My real friends are the ones that I can go weeks/months without seeing, and when we talk, it's just like we picked up where we left off.

Outside of my family and my boyfriend, I have around ten very close friends. Three childhood friends (two of whom are in different continents right now.) Three secondary school friends. Five college friends (some abroad.) And, actually, there are a couple of others I randomly picked up along the way (:P), that I'd be very close to too, and would consider them to be amongst my "best" friends.

There are many of these who I don't get to see on a regular basis - due to distance etc - but, when we do meet up, it's like we'd only seen each other yesterday ... there is no awkwardness, there is nothing we wouldn't feel comfortable saying to each other. I love that.

I could have written this exact post!! It's exactly like what you said about just picking up where you left off. I was home last week and met up with one of my friends who I hadn't talked to in person for just over a year and I felt like I had only seen her a week ago not a year ago!

Augmerson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHh0A_bH5ig

beks101

It wasn't until I reached the realization that it's OK to have different types of friendships with people, that I truly got comfortable in my social circle.

I have lots of acquaintances. Since moving abroad, there hasn't been a week that passed that I didn't meet up with a few different groups of people for a night out, some lunch, a few post-work drinks. I have one new friend who I'd call on a weekly basis just for a catch-up, and it's a conscious effort for both of us as there's been something of a mass exodus among our group of core friends here, so we've discovered the value in maintaining that friendship.

But will these people play any role in my life in the years to come? When I'm back on the other side of the world? I can't say.

The answer to this kind of question has always surprised me. It's been the 'unlikely' friendships of mine that have been the long-standing ones. I think that's down to one thing - loyalty. I have three 'best' friends - girls who are like sisters to me. It's closer than meeting up for pints or going shopping together, it's a deep love and concern for each other's welfare and a knowledge that when the **** hits the fan, they'll be there to pick up the pieces.

And they each serve their own purpose in my life. One is an old-time friend from school, I sent her a distraught text at about 3am Irish time a week ago when I broke up with my boyfriend and ten minutes later she called me back. She's been texting me to check in with me every day since. She did the same when I was having health issues a few months ago and did sweet things like sent flowers to the apartment, called a mutual friend of ours to make sure I was eating properly, getting enough sleep.

The other two girls would be similar. They don't mince their words either and tell me what I want to hear, as they're well aware of my faults & make no bones in telling me when I'm in the wrong.

The difference between those friends and the acquaintances is that I know they're always there, unconditionally, and I know they care, and those two features have stood the test of time. We've grown up together & we haven't grown apart, as has happened with the very 'best' of friends I thought I had over the years.

Friends are important. I don't think I'd be able to live without mine.

deanlandon

Friends come and go. Enemies accumulate

WesternNight

There are very few people I'd call friends. I think there are friends you hang out with regularly and do stuff with, and there are friends who support you emotionally and vice versa. If there are people who tick both boxes, that's a bonus.

I have two friends I hang out with regularly. Two completely different types of friendship. One is more 'superficial' in terms of what we'd talk about. I tend to say relatively little in those conversations, and I tend to be the 'validater' in the friendship, so I guess it can be quite one-sided at times. That doesn't bother me most of the time. I'd be more guarded about personal things here though.

The other is a deeper kind of friendship. We could chat for hours over a pot of tea and talk about actual, proper, real issues that affect us. It's a bit like therapy really! But this is what I'd have considered as real 'friendship'. Having said that, I get something out of both kinds of relationship, and I think they both have their place.

One of my secondary school friends would probably still be a good friend if she still lived nearby. We met up for the first time in years a few months ago and it was like no time had passed.

Some of my best friends are online, though. I tend to share more about myself online than I do in real life (not so much on boards, mind you!), so in a lot of ways my online friends know me better than anyone in real life. One of my twitter friends did me a massive favour a few months back, and he was more of a real friend to me when I needed it than any of my friends I actually hang out with.

So, I think there's lots of different kinds of friends and that's ok




(sorry, this is awfully rambly... )

cena

I have friends from school. But friends are people that well help you if need someone to talk too etc.

But I have not spoken to any in 3 years. I have asked them to call for a visit or a night out to be told they aren't going out. I have no friends I can turn too if I need to

NeonCookies

cena wrote: »

I have friends from school. But friends are people that well help you if need someone to talk too etc.

But I have not spoken to any in 3 years. I have asked them to call for a visit or a night out to be told they aren't going out. I have no friends I can turn too if I need to

Sorry to hear that, Cena Do you have any opportunities now where you can make new friends? As I mentioned in the OP I don't make friends easily so I know it's easier said than done, but if you're like me I think it's something you just have to keep trying at (and trying, and trying...haha) Maybe a class or a sports team? And as LittleBook said to me earlier in the thread, don't force it if it's not working / you're not clicking or you end up with friends you'd be better off without! Chin up

clappyhappy

An old aunt said to me years ago, "that if you can count real true honest friends on more than one hand you are very lucky.
But when you think about it, you would be lucky to count 2-3". I often think about that and she is so right.
At first glance i would think, god i have loads of friends, but when i "really" think about it, i have 3 best best friends, and 1 more that is almost there. We only met a few years ago.
Two of those friends live abroad, but when we meet up or phone its like they are only down the road and we meet every week.
As my granny used to say," you can choose your friends, but not your family"......

cena

NeonCookies wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, Cena Do you have any opportunities now where you can make new friends? As I mentioned in the OP I don't make friends easily so I know it's easier said than done, but if you're like me I think it's something you just have to keep trying at (and trying, and trying...haha) Maybe a class or a sports team? And as LittleBook said to me earlier in the thread, don't force it if it's not working / you're not clicking or you end up with friends you'd be better off without! Chin up

I help out with the local teams but they are only kids so you really can't share your problems with them. I have cousins all around me but they just don't want to know me at all. The only cousins that speak to me are in the states.

I hardly go out since me accident it has took alot out of me.

syjg18

A friend is always there for you in bad times and in good times.