Buffalo & Doozerie - The mild musings of two grumpy old men!

Squidgy Black

Can we include CramCycle into the title of the thread? I think it's more than deserved

Dublin Bus drivers are a mad shower, some of them are brilliant drivers and seem to be considerate of other road users, and then others are mental and seem to have no formal training whatsoever.

dermabrasion

I should stop reading. Just freaks me out to see what goes on. I can deal with the nobs that cross my path. Perhaps because I have been around long enough to have a sense of **** about to happen. But, some of the post I read just make me think when am I going to get hit?
I'd like to point out though I have had 3 beers of Black Ball Porter (8%) over the last 2 hours. This may skew my reasoning....it very nice!

rollingscone

CramCycle wrote: »

Dear 46A DB driver between UCD and Stillorgan this afternoon at approx 3:30.

Your a ****.

I have been buzzed before but the fact that your bus clipped my elbow while I was going in a straight line and then you pulled in, means your a f'in twit, who was also breaking the speed limit considerably. If I had wobbled or was less experienced, I could well be dead right now, I hope you enjoyed your joke, well worth it I imagine.

its been awhile since I have been so shocked that I could not respond.

I hate you and wish I had gotten more of your plate than 07-D.

The bus behind you though to balance things was driven by a respectable driver who when I looked behind, waved, smiled and used the lane beside me to overtake with no delay to his day.

Aren't all Dublin buses GPS tracked? Time and place plus serious complaint of reckless driving = whaaaaaamyyyyyy

CramCycle

rollingscone wrote: »

Aren't all Dublin buses GPS tracked? Time and place plus serious complaint of reckless driving = whaaaaaamyyyyyy

I have the time and place on my own GPS so I will pop in tomorrow afternoon. it's really unfair to paint all DB drivers with the same brush, I was either passed by or passed out +40 DBs over the day, only one was stupid and is the first one in along time to give me a shock.

rollingscone

Generally Dublin Bus drivers are the best 'professional' drivers out there in my experience.

But as a wise man once said, there's an a**hole in every class.

buffalo

So I'm cycling through town today - O'Connell St is closed off to traffic for the Lockout commemoration, but can still get from the bridge through to turn left onto Abbey St, grand. Follow two cars in front of me as they make their way to the corner. A G4S guy calls to me, and I stop.

"You can't go through there."
"What? Those cars are driving through, I just want to go the same way."
"Cars are allowed, but you have to walk your bike across the footpath."
"What? Why?"
"Security."
"That's ridiculous, what risk is there from a bike that there wouldn't be from a car?"
"It's security."



wtf? He steps away, and I press on as intended, a second G4S guy stops me and tells me the same thing, and is also remarkably vague about the reasoning behind it. It's like the "cyclists dismount" signs in the IFSC. I've never seen a 'motorists get out and push' sign.

I considered calling a Garda over to settle the matter with someone who actually has some authority, but I've learned in these situations, nobody ever really knows anything, and it'd just end up with me being moved along after being an arse. And as much as I love being an arse some days, I just wasn't bothered today.

Eamonnator

Certain people can stop and direct traffic. Security personnel are not numbered
Among these.

buffalo

Eamonnator wrote: »

Certain people can stop and direct traffic. Security personnel are not numbered
Among these.

I know, but common sense prevails that they're acting with some authority when the Gardaí are standing beside them. Like I said, I could've been an arse and pressed the point, but chose not to on this occasion.

CramCycle

I would have been an ass but I am in bad humour today :pac:

doozerie

While listening to Spotify just now (I don't have a premium account which means they slot in ads after every few songs) I heard an ad which seemed to consist of someone having an internal monologue about a football match only to end up being hit by a car. A voiceover then kicked in with something like "Cyclists, everyone is responsible for safety on the roads. Pay attention or die" or words to that effect. It was an RSA ad.

I flinched when I heard that, it felt like being lectured, as if simply for being a cyclist I was some confirmed miscreant or dimwit on the roads that needed to be told to behave. I wouldn't have guessed that I'd react that strongly, it took me by surprise. I actually "like" the RSA ads showing motorists being careless or reckless and this resulting in harm for someone or other, to me those ads are a reminder of the consequences to others of poor choices you make while driving and I like to think that they make drivers stop and think (they certainly made me stop and think, even though I like to think I'm already a careful driver). I also see choices being made daily by cycling commuters that put others (and sometimes themselves too) at risk, and I'd welcome anything that would make them stop and think too.

But this RSA ad didn't really fit the bill in my view, it seemed to focus entirely on cyclists needing to stay alert so that they don't inadvertently put themselves in danger. Personally I see very little of that particular danger on the roads, I mostly see people who seem to knowingly break a red light through pedestrians and/or cars, ride on the footpaths, ride the wrong way up one-way streets, change lanes without looking over their shoulder, etc., apparently in the belief that it's somehow perfectly safe. I don't see that this ad will attract the attention of people who behave like that. Admittedly the RSA have to be careful not to antagonise people, but personally I'd welcome an ad with a "Cop the fcuk on, ye langars, it's not your personal road any more than it's the personal road of any driver!" message. You know, to the point yet tactful, aggressive yet sensitive…

If Gay Byrne happens to read this, I'm available to offer PR advice and my rates are extortionate yet fair. Call me.

CramCycle

Many laughs today, i was at a red light waiting to turn red when a bike ran the red bike lights on the canal bike path and nearly wentstraight under a Passat turning right. The driver seen the guy, stopped and gave a little toot, he didn't flinch (didn't even seem to notice that the car only stopped a foot from him). The driver got annoyed, not at the stupidity but at the fact that they were being ignored, a little handwaving and then she drove off.

Anyway, I turned right and then after a few more turns was on the road outside my work place and was approaching behind the same guy pootling along. As I went by, not shouting, just loud enough for him to hear, I said "you really shouldn't run red lights", turned into work, thought no more of it as the security guard lifted the gate when I realised he was pulling in behind me. Said thanks to the security guard, freewheeled down to the back door of work where he followed me. My boss was outside, shouted hello, but as I got off my bike, the guy just circled around a bit not really sure of what he was at, didn't even look directly at me once. I stood there waiting, expecting something and then he just pootled off again.
Not uncomfortable in anyway from a physicality point of view, not really a rant, just weird. Really really weird. Part of me wanted to ask was he looking for something, thought better of it, there are only 3 companies in our corner and I did not recognise him. Although I did get a fear of it being a story like Doozeries, man in my office story.

Nuff said, bit of a non event, just weird.

dited

CramCycle wrote: »

Many laughs today, i was at a red light waiting to turn red when a bike ran the red bike lights on the canal bike path and nearly wentstraight under a Passat turning right. The driver seen the guy, stopped and gave a little toot, he didn't flinch (didn't even seem to notice that the car only stopped a foot from him). The driver got annoyed, not at the stupidity but at the fact that they were being ignored, a little handwaving and then she drove off.

Anyway, I turned right and then after a few more turns was on the road outside my work place and was approaching behind the same guy pootling along. As I went by, not shouting, just loud enough for him to hear, I said "you really shouldn't run red lights", turned into work, thought no more of it as the security guard lifted the gate when I realised he was pulling in behind me. Said thanks to the security guard, freewheeled down to the back door of work where he followed me. My boss was outside, shouted hello, but as I got off my bike, the guy just circled around a bit not really sure of what he was at, didn't even look directly at me once. I stood there waiting, expecting something and then he just pootled off again.
Not uncomfortable in anyway from a physicality point of view, not really a rant, just weird. Really really weird. Part of me wanted to ask was he looking for something, thought better of it, there are only 3 companies in our corner and I did not recognise him. Although I did get a fear of it being a story like Doozeries, man in my office story.

Nuff said, bit of a non event, just weird.

Look at it from his point of view: He's cycling along, minding his own business, when an shaven-legged man dressed in figure-hugging lycra pulls alongside him, leans in to seductively whisper something about "turning on the red light", and takes the next turn into a darkened carpark while coyly glancing over his shoulder, making lingering eye contact once more

doozerie

I've seen more funny/weird antics crammed into the last couple of days than I've seen for the last several weeks. While stopping at a T junction on red this morning, a big shiny Merc parked (illegally) on the left pulled out in front of my line of stopped traffic, then turned on the right indicator, and rolled through the pedestrian crossing out into the junction but at a weird angle. Apparently red lights don't apply to him. Not to be outdone though, a cyclist came along the road behind me, entirely on the wrong side of the road. He rode into the junction too, to the right of the plank in the car already there. At this point it became clear that the plank in the car wanted to do a U-turn in the junction, but the cyclist was in his way. There were some awkward moments while the plank in the car tried to complete his illegal turn to the right while the plank on the bike tried to muscle his way to the left to get back to something resembling the correct side of the road. And all the while they were well out into the junction, partly in the path of any traffic that might want to turn right onto our road, who still had a green light.

They were both completely in the wrong, but I was waiting to see though whose indignation would burst forth first. They were well into the mutual evil stares phase, the vocal phase seemed imminent, it was set to be an entertaining wait at the lights. But the lights changed and they both wobbled off in their respective directions before any hostilities kicked off. Booo!

Then there was the woman whose car was parked in the cycle track near a crossroads, and as I went to pass her out she just pulled out in front of me and drove along the cycle lane to drive the 10m to get to the head of the queue of stopped cars to our right (the light was red at the junction). She pulled in front of the queue, driving into the pedestrian crossing lane to do so, and rolled further and further into the junction before making the right turn just before the lights changed green.

And the cyclist who overtook me as I stopped at a junction where a car was crossing from the right. The cyclist swung around me to the right, then swung left to pass within inches of the front of the moving car coming from the right. Immediately beyond that car was one crossing from the left so the cyclist swung right to pass within inches of the front of that moving car, before cutting in front of another car further on to take a left turn. The only reason he didn't end up as road jam was because each of the cars hit the brakes in time, so he came through entirely unscathed despite his best efforts.

Who needs a telly?!

CramCycle

doozerie wrote: »

And the cyclist who overtook me as I stopped at a junction where a car was crossing from the right. The cyclist swung around me to the right, then swung left to pass within inches of the front of the moving car coming from the right. Immediately beyond that car was one crossing from the left so the cyclist swung right to pass within inches of the front of that moving car, before cutting in front of another car further on to take a left turn. The only reason he didn't end up as road jam was because each of the cars hit the brakes in time, so he came through entirely unscathed despite his best efforts.

Who needs a telly?!

Person with no common sense watches "Premium Rush" (it is a god awful movie in my opinion, it is like a mediocre filler episode of a mediocre american TV show dragged out to a 2 hour movie), thinks, ah yeah, I can see what is coming, I can behave like couriers on the TV, and because he has lucky enough to only endanger his life in front of responsive and therefore by proxy in the situation safe drivers, he believes that he is right, not that he is lucky. Unfortunately, and may my conscience forgive me for saying it, the day he finds out he is wrong, will swiftly be followed by the day of his obituary in the national papers.

Squidgy Black

CramCycle wrote: »

Person with no common sense watches "Premium Rush" (it is a god awful movie in my opinion, it is like a mediocre filler episode of a mediocre american TV show dragged out to a 2 hour movie), thinks, ah yeah, I can see what is coming, I can behave like couriers on the TV, and because he has lucky enough to only endanger his life in front of responsive and therefore by proxy in the situation safe drivers, he believes that he is right, not that he is lucky. Unfortunately, and may my conscience forgive me for saying it, the day he finds out he is wrong, will swiftly be followed by the day of his obituary in the national papers.

There's a brilliant line that sums up the stupidity of that film as a whole.

"No brakes. Can't stop. Don't want to either."

Zyzz

CramCycle wrote: »

Person with no common sense watches "Premium Rush" (it is a god awful movie in my opinion, it is like a mediocre filler episode of a mediocre american TV show dragged out to a 2 hour movie), thinks, ah yeah, I can see what is coming, I can behave like couriers on the TV, and because he has lucky enough to only endanger his life in front of responsive and therefore by proxy in the situation safe drivers, he believes that he is right, not that he is lucky. Unfortunately, and may my conscience forgive me for saying it, the day he finds out he is wrong, will swiftly be followed by the day of his obituary in the national papers.

Didnt think the movie was that bad..

But on the cyclist note, the cyclists who are like that from the film (both wannabes and those f*ckin couriers) are complete and utter ar*eholes. Honest to god I can't stand them :mad:

michael196

On Clonskeagh road the other night, heading towards town, Red Jerseyed Fred, jumped every red light going through. There has to be 10 sets of lights as you progress Clonskeagh -Sandford Road, and Ranelagh. Worse again cyclists who were stopped, at the red lights, saw Red Fred going through and then proceeded to break the lights themselves.

I was in the car, and felt like running Red Fred over. I was stopped at so many lights, I lost Red Fred. Am sure he must have continued to cruise through all the Red lights into town.

Muppet.

Jabel

Red Muppet

rp

Zyzz wrote: »

Didnt think the movie was that bad..

some great riding by Danny MacAskill on it, too.

CramCycle

rp wrote: »

some great riding by Danny MacAskill on it, too.

Is that him as a stunt double in the warehouse?

buffalo

Dear guy on black and white Giant, blue jacket, hump bag cover.

If you're going to put yourself in front of me at the lights on Gardiner Street, at least have the courtesy to get yourself a decent back mudguard so I'm not caught in your rooster tail as you pull off.

Also, it's okay to move around Garda vans. They are your friends.

Yours,
buffalo

Stollaire

michael196 wrote: »

On Clonskeagh road the other night, heading towards town, Red Jerseyed Fred, jumped every red light going through. There has to be 10 sets of lights as you progress Clonskeagh -Sandford Road, and Ranelagh. Worse again cyclists who were stopped, at the red lights, saw Red Fred going through and then proceeded to break the lights themselves.

I was in the car, and felt like running Red Fred over. I was stopped at so many lights, I lost Red Fred. Am sure he must have continued to cruise through all the Red lights into town.

Muppet.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't paint all red jeresyed Freds with the same brush.
I have to go buy another friggin' jersey now.

CramCycle

What a great week, everyone seemed nicer to me, all was well with the world, people waved me through when they knew they could not clear a junction. Others were stopping before yellow boxes rather than on. A couple of silly maneuvers seen here there and everywhere, nothing that would maim or kill as far as I could see so I decided to just enjoy it.

Until today of course. Heading up in the right turn lane with no cars I had almost reached the red light when I seen a car wheel turn, and milliseconds later jump out. I was beside him at this stage, and swung out, letting out a loud "Whoa". He didn't come close to me but could have if I hadn't realised as I swung out of the way, it would have been close. He stops, I look back expecting to see the typical, sorry, I made a mistake, I didn't see you (I didn't look) look. What I got was a guy winding down to F and Blind about the bike lane. So I decided my pleasant week was over, I rolled back to him, and in the most condescending sh1t of a voice I could muster, I asked him "Pardon?". He replied, "Use the F'in bike lane over there" pointing in an enraged manner at the path to his left. Continuing on my irritating but calm voice, I said "but I am turning right at the lights and regardless they are not mandatory" to which he continued to tell me to "f off" and get off the road. I then lost the calm voice and told to him to f off, learn to f'in drive, learn to use a f'in wing mirror, and learn not to be such a C word if your simple mind can comprehend such a thing" he then repeated the insulting words I said and then started to drive off. By the time we reached the lights though they had gone red again. I stopped, he ran the lights, in rush hour traffic, not looking ahead, telling me to F off, which left me standing at the lights roaring, "DON'T RUN RED LIGHTS YOU MORONIC F*CK WIT". Of course no one at the lights knew why I was shouting though.

Zyzz

CramCycle wrote: »

Until today of course. Heading up in the right turn lane with no cars I had almost reached the red light when I seen a car wheel turn, and milliseconds later jump out. I was beside him at this stage, and swung out, letting out a loud "Whoa". He didn't come close to me but could have if I hadn't realised as I swung out of the way, it would have been close. He stops, I look back expecting to see the typical, sorry, I made a mistake, I didn't see you (I didn't look) look. What I got was a guy winding down to F and Blind about the bike lane. So I decided my pleasant week was over, I rolled back to him, and in the most condescending sh1t of a voice I could muster, I asked him "Pardon?". He replied, "Use the F'in bike lane over there" pointing in an enraged manner at the path to his left. Continuing on my irritating but calm voice, I said "but I am turning right at the lights and regardless they are not mandatory" to which he continued to tell me to "f off" and get off the road. I then lost the calm voice and told to him to f off, learn to f'in drive, learn to use a f'in wing mirror, and learn not to be such a C word if your simple mind can comprehend such a thing" he then repeated the insulting words I said and then started to drive off. By the time we reached the lights though they had gone red again. I stopped, he ran the lights, in rush hour traffic, not looking ahead, telling me to F off, which left me standing at the lights roaring, "DON'T RUN RED LIGHTS YOU MORONIC F*CK WIT". Of course no one at the lights knew why I was shouting though.

This could easily be a chapter in the cyclists version of 50 Shades of Grey :pac:

buffalo

CramCycle wrote: »

What a great week, everyone seemed nicer to me, all was well with the world

Turned right onto the north access road for Bull Island this morning from the main road, intending to turn left on to the cycletrack. Spy a lad coming from the cycletrack on the right about to cut across me... shall I make a point, or slow down and let him pass? It's a nice morning, I'll let him across sure...

"FOR ****'S SAKE!!"

What? You obnoxious ****ing wanker. Saw him on the way back too, swerving around pedestrians on the footpath. I hope you get road rash.

buffalo

Sometimes I feel like whoever resorts to name-calling first in an argument is the loser, and this morning I lost.

Regular left-turn on my commute, get cut off by a Beamer swinging in from the opposite direction (he's turning right onto the same road). He had plenty of time to see me and yield, but instead I have to hit the brakes. If I were a car, I imagine there'd be a large dent in the side of his precious car.

Roll up alongside him at the next lights.
"What was that?"
He gives me a look like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. It's clear I'm a lowly cyclist that barely warrants his attention. He relents to rolling down his window.
"What?"
"You cut me off back there, at the turn".
"..."
"..."
"I'm sorry", his mouth said, while his face said, "I don't care, and I'll do it again tomorrow morning".
"Dickhead".
"Yeah, go **** yourself!"

buffalo

Sometimes I just shave one leg, so that at night it feels like I'm lying next to a woman. #oversharing

doozerie

After an uneventful group ride today I was on my own, not far from home, as I approached a very small roundabout at a T-junction. It wasn't as insignificant as those under-achieving white circles painted on the road which try to be a roundabout, but it wasn't raised much above road level either so it was the kind of roundabout that people occasionally totally ignore. There was a car a few metres behind me. I rode around the roundabout to take the equivalent of a right turn. The car driver was heading the same way as it happens but, perhaps a fan of sharp angles and suspicious of circles, he simply took the shortest route by cutting directly right before entering the roundabout and basically drove the wrong way "around" the roundabout to end up in front of me.

I shook my head (I'm a father, I'm obliged to criticise silly/childish behaviour with a disapproving head shake). He must have seen me because he started enacting some bizarre version of a head nod himself - no mean feat for someone with no visible neck. Or maybe he was having a fit, it was hard to tell. Anyway, I laughed and blew him a kiss. He stopped the car a few metres ahead, at another T junction and seemed to be waiting for me. I rode past, ignoring him, and turned left.

Moments later he pulled alongside me with his passenger window open, and leaning across his female passenger he told me that he had driven the way he had in order to give me more room. That was rubbish, he did it to get ahead of me, but I just told him there was no need and that he could simply have overtaken me after the roundabout. He told me I should have been in the cycle lane. There are many possible responses to that nonsense, but I wasn't in the mood for an argument so I chose the simplest and most honest response and said there was no cycle lane there. So much for not stirring an argument, he growled something or other and suddenly swung the car in on top of me. I only had about a foot gap between me and the kerb to my left, and only slightly more again between me and the car, but fortunately it was just about enough to allow me to swerve away from his car as he quickly swung the car back out again.

The usual variety of things went through my mind. He was now accelerating down the road so the immediate threat was gone. I could just suck it up and ride home. But I reminded myself that if he had walked up to me on the street and swung a punch at me that it would be deemed assault by any rational person, whether the punch landed or not. Doing the same thing with a car was worse, there was no way he could have been sure that I wasn't going to end up badly hurt. So I mentally noted his registration number, and the make and colour of the car, and rang Trafficwatch to report him.

The garda who took my call was very helpful, he noted the details, including the name of the housing estate the car drove into just metres away from the incident, and said that he'd notify the local garda station and that they might be in touch with me. I haven't heard anything back so far but at least it is now on their system. Hopefully the driver will end up with a caution, if it ever gets that far, something to remind him that you can't just randomly assault someone and expect to get clean away with it. And if nothing comes of it, well at least I tried, but I hope he gets fleas.

buffalo

I often find some mornings I encounter a complete idiot of a driver - maybe they just never indicate, or are braking irratically, and after observing the first couple of transgressions, I stay well away.

This morning I turned on to the quays, into direct sunlight - not a morning to be doing anything halfway silly, in case some driver's half-blinded. There's a point by the CHQ building in the IFSC just after the defunct drawbridge where the bus lane starts. There's a Matthews bus most of the way in, but stuck stationary.

What do I see, from many car lengths back where a shout won't reach him, but an eejit of a cyclist at the back of the bus, making the decision to go up the inside of a bus pulling in to the left-hand lane. There's not even room for him to cycle up quickly, instead he has to do that awkward shuffle with one foot on the kerb. He's barely a quarter up when the bus starts to move, but thankfully the driver checks his mirror and stops again. A horn is blared (don't think it was the bus'), and the guy completes his shuffling and pedals off unharmed.

At this point I've come around the bus, and follow the guy onto Commons St. There's a line of car traffic there, and Johnny Shuffle decides he's learned a lesson, and heads for the outside of the line to filter. I'm fine with the inside, and make a beeline for it. But lo, Mr Shouldn't-be-allowed-out-of-the-house-without-adult-supervision decides he likes the inside after all, and dives back, into my path. Cue screeching of brakes, an apology, and I realise this is one guy I'm just going to stay the hell away from.

I wonder if he made it to the office...

TL;DR: some cyclists are idiots.

CramCycle

So last week I was heading into town early for a hospital appointment. As I have found from the last few times, rush hour cycling takes a bit more of a "deep breath and relax" approach but nothing terrible. The day in question I found out I was an asshole from an elderly gent, he is right, I am. I was in the cycle lane on Clonskeagh road with heavy traffic to my right so i waited patiently behind this man for about 2 minutes. Then the traffic seemed to be pulled slightly more to the centre of the road, leaving me space to overtake, and I did, giving loads of room. 200meters down the road the lights just went red so I stopped, foot down and waited. As I waited, the man whom I had overtook, passed me on my left, quite awkwardly and then ran the red with traffic moving around him as he pottered on. I left when the lights went green and quickly caught up with him, again waited behind for about 20 or 30 seconds, when the road gave space I couldn't help but ask, "Why did you bother?". To which he replied, before I had finished talking, in the type of tone saved for the villain in the childrens christmas panto "because your an Arsehole". Fair enough, I had no response, I am an asshole, not sure why that made him run lights and squeeze awkwardly up the inside but he read me right and I just continued on.

Further up the road I got to another light, and went it went green, I moved off. There were a line of cars turning right ahead and it had meant that many others going straight on had merged into the cycle lane to undertake. No harm there, we all have to get where we are going. I merged onto the traffic stream and had passed the blockage within 15 seconds. Just ahead of me was a corpo van, who decided to take the time to rolll down the window to shout at the mother (and child in her cargo bike basket) that she was nothing but a F'in c*nt, did she not care for the life of her child, he hoped she burned, the evil witch. He then speed of like a true gentleman. The lady had the right attitude and ignored him. Funnily though when I overtook her, I caught the corpo van within 30 seconds, stuck in traffic. So in a less polite fashion, I asked him was it worth harassing a mother and child so he could f*ck off 500metres down the road to get caught in traffic. He politely told me to F Off. I less politely made up several new words to describe him, several of which I am sure muttering constitutes a breach of the peace.

I am ashamed of myself, I didn't get his reg ( I have half of it) and I didn't stop to attempt to re-educate him in a more civil fashion. It would have been wrong, I don't condone it, but in my opinion a slap would not have done any harm either but then that makes me no better than him.