Think i screwed up a second date

cozzie55

Right guys and girls, i'm looking for some advice

I've met up with this girl for two dates now. I use the term dates losely there. In that we met up for a 2 drinks one night and the second time we went and got food and went to the cinema. None of these were overly organised so I don't really consider them them dates. I've been texting her constantly for the past month or two and date 1 happened 4 weeks ago and date 2 was last weekend.

Now I should mention that I really like this person. But I feel the fact I like her made me nervous on our second date, the nerves got the better of me and we didn't kiss or anything. After the date i got a text saying that she had "a great time, pity there was no good night kiss though". Which was fine, I just text back so "oh ya i wish there had been a kiss aswell, guess i was a bit nervous of screwing things up cause I like you".

In hindsight that wasn't the best thing to say to someone on a second date. The response was along the lines of we're not going out only having fun. Then I got a text saying, I don't know if i would even go out with you cause of the distance issue(she lives in dublin and i'm in Limerick). Since then she has been really distant and not really replying to texts all that much. Worried now that i've blown it with her and scared her off.

I was going to head to Dublin again next weekend and ask her on another date but i don't know what the reply will be.

What would you guys do? Or any advice on what to say to help?

fullstop

I'd go to PI if you want actual advice...

cozzie55

cozzie55 wrote: »

Right guys and girls, i'm looking for some advice

I've met up with this girl for two dates now. I use the term dates losely there. In that we met up for a 2 drinks one night and the second time we went and got food and went to the cinema. None of these were overly organised so I don't really consider them them dates. I've been texting her constantly for the past month or two and date 1 happened 4 weeks ago and date 2 was last weekend.

Now I should mention that I really like this person. But I feel the fact I like her made me nervous on our second date, the nerves got the better of me and we didn't kiss or anything. After the date i got a text saying that she had "a great time, pity there was no good night kiss though". Which was fine, I just text back so "oh ya i wish there had been a kiss aswell, guess i was a bit nervous of screwing things up cause I like you".

In hindsight that wasn't the best thing to say to someone on a second date. The response was along the lines of we're not going out only having fun. Then I got a text saying, I don't know if i would even go out with you cause of the distance issue(she lives in dublin and i'm in Limerick). Since then she has been really distant and not really replying to texts all that much. Worried now that i've blown it with her and scared her off.

I was going to head to Dublin again next weekend and ask her on another date but i don't know what the reply will be.

What would you guys do? Or any advice on what to say to help?

I'd bring her to the Zoo next time. And I'd stop worrying, just see what happens. You're overthinking things.

Culleeo

cozzie55 wrote: »

we're not going out only having fun. Then I got a text saying, I don't know if i would even go out with you cause of the distance issue(she lives in dublin and i'm in Limerick). Since then she has been really distant and not really replying to texts all that much.



What would you guys do?

Take the hint and leave her be.

castletownman

Drunkenly text her the next time your out. Proclaim your love for her etc. Works everytime.

cloptrop

Never text her after you drop her home till the morning man . Even if she texts you .

Praetorian Saighdiuir

Dónal wrote: »

I'd bring her to the Zoo next time. And I'd stop worrying, just see what happens. You're overthinking things.

^^^ What he said, keep it casual and dont worry about it.

another question

cozzie55 wrote: »

Right guys and girls, i'm looking for some advice

I've met up with this girl for two dates now. I use the term dates losely there. In that we met up for a 2 drinks one night and the second time we went and got food and went to the cinema. None of these were overly organised so I don't really consider them them dates. I've been texting her constantly for the past month or two and date 1 happened 4 weeks ago and date 2 was last weekend.

Now I should mention that I really like this person. But I feel the fact I like her made me nervous on our second date, the nerves got the better of me and we didn't kiss or anything. After the date i got a text saying that she had "a great time, pity there was no good night kiss though". Which was fine, I just text back so "oh ya i wish there had been a kiss aswell, guess i was a bit nervous of screwing things up cause I like you".

In hindsight that wasn't the best thing to say to someone on a second date. The response was along the lines of we're not going out only having fun. Then I got a text saying, I don't know if i would even go out with you cause of the distance issue(she lives in dublin and i'm in Limerick). Since then she has been really distant and not really replying to texts all that much. Worried now that i've blown it with her and scared her off.

I was going to head to Dublin again next weekend and ask her on another date but i don't know what the reply will be.

What would you guys do? Or any advice on what to say to help?

Ah go for it! :P What have you got to lose? Seriously! All you have to lose is a bit of face and the chance that she might think that your really not interested if you don't push it a little further, don't give her the impression that you will give up that easy...that won't impress her at all.

Be casual if ya want but I would defo give it one last shot if ya like her, arrange a 'proper' meal out, how do ye talk and get to know each other at the cinema like? or in a loud bar...a nice dinner and bluff it off about the text, say something like...about that I didn't really want to make a move or that as I wasn't sure how you felt etc...if she meets ya again, ya will know what to do/say, if she blows ya off then forget and move on....

Larianne

Call her. Find out then and there what the story is. Texts can make things all muddled up.

(OT - anyone know who's playing in the Aviva or RDS tonight?)

themadchef

cozzie55 wrote: »

None of these were overly organised so I don't really consider them them dates.

cozzie55 wrote: »

I've been texting her constantly for the past month or two

LOL

Shush, you make yourself sound like a big ass stalker.

I think she likes you but youre texting like a teenager (yes you may be a teenager) ring her ffs. Get up there and lob one into her. If she lets you ride her, then i guess she likes you

kippy

Distance - Dublin and Limerick?? If thats gonna be an issue ye may as well forget about it.

mikemac1

cozzie55 wrote: »

Now I should mention that I really like this person. But I feel the fact I like her made me nervous on our second date, the nerves got the better of me and we didn't kiss or anything. After the date i got a text saying that she had "a great time, pity there was no good night kiss though". Which was fine, I just text back so "oh ya i wish there had been a kiss aswell, guess i was a bit nervous of screwing things up cause I like you".
.

Ah that's sweet, nowt wrong there

cozzie55 wrote: »

I don't know if i would even go out with you cause of the distance issue(she lives in dublin and i'm in Limerick). Since then she has been really distant and not really replying to texts all that much.

if I would even
if I could even

Can you confirm which it was OP?

Very important difference here

cloptrop

She doesnt want a relationship she just wants the roide . Go kick her back door in op .

another question

mikemac1 wrote: »

Ah that's sweet, nowt wrong there



if I would even
if I could even

Can you confirm which it was OP?

Very important difference here

Oh god, he will be seriously overthinking it now! :cool:

Rayne Wooney

cozzie55 wrote: »

Right guys and girls, i'm looking for some advice

I've met up with this girl for two dates now. I guess i was a bit nervous of screwing

:pac:

another question

cloptrop wrote: »

She doesnt want a relationship she just wants the roide . Go kick her back door in op .

Now, now....

chavezychavez

As an auld fella on the side of the road once told me : "Will you schtop, schtop, schtop over-anaylsching it will ya"

He was mad, but there's sense there. Cop on to yourself, and go with the flow. Stop thinking so much, you're burning brain cells for no reason.

girl in the striped socks

Go up to Dublin & follow her. Keep a distance though, you don't want her seeing you.
Then randomly text her things like "I'm not sure about that top with those trousers" & "cappuccinos are only empty calories, that's your third one today" etc.
Make sure she doesn't see you though, keep an air of mystery around you.
Women love mystery.

SouthTippBass

How I see it is, all she was after was the ride. She told you straight out she didn't want a relationship. And then she expressed disappointment when she didn't get her goodnight kiss (code for, the ride) You were onto a good thing, then you made a balls of it with your "feelings".

thomasj

Come on man get into the spirit, third time lucky!

mikemac1

I sense a potential Feeky Magee thread here
Though he failed to get the roide also


Don't let us down OP, AH could do with a boost

Folester27

you've explained it like its already half over.. so nothing to lose and everything to gain is the way i see it.. ask her and if ur shot down who cares atleast you'll know

themadchef

girl in the striped socks wrote: »

Go up to Dublin & follow her. Keep a distance though, you don't want her seeing you.
Then randomly text her things like "I'm not sure about that top with those trousers" & "cappuccinos are only empty calories, that's your third one today" etc.
Make sure she doesn't see you though, keep an air of mystery around you.
Women love mystery.

...and presents, we love presents, ohhh and surprises.

Not dead ones in our microwaves though :eek:

Snowie

Eh how did you screw it up she wants to kiss ???????????????



HELLO................

You smoked a spliff didnt you op and now you're paranoid ?

Snowie

themadchef wrote: »

...and presents, we love presents, ohhh and surprises.

Not dead ones in our microwaves though :eek:

what about a tomato and egg exploding in one and then throw loads of salt on it and cook some more ?

When a Kp piss's me off

mattjack

themadchef wrote: »

...and presents, we love presents, ohhh and surprises.

Not dead ones in our microwaves though :eek:

Would a microwave do as a present..?

General General

Feelings... nothing more than feelings... that's all you'll be left with if you don't cop on.

However, you've still got a chance as women are immensely forgiving of male idiocy.

It's how we've survived as a species.

cozzie55

she does joke about me being a bit of a stalker already so i don't think following her around is going to solve anything.

I don't think she was only looking for the roide, she doesn't seam that type of girl. Its hard enough to get any mention of sexual things out of her when we are texting. And yes were texting cause shes more of a texter than a talker, so its not cause we are teenagers we're both in our mid/late twenties.

I think i'm just going to play it cool and say "i'm in dublin next weekend on the friday night to meet friends, and I am thinking of staying the saturday so would you like to meet up for a coffee or to get some food". I don't want to make it sound like i'm coming specially to meet her cause i still want to keep it casual, so ya telling that white lie might be in order.

PhoenixParker

you like her, yet you met her once and then waited a month before going out a second time?
and you put no effort into the date?
and you went to the cinema on the date - the cinema where you can't have a conversation or get to know your companion?

She is entirely accurate, you're not going out, you're having fun. You have yet to kiss her.
You have not asked her out, until you do so and she agrees, you are not going out.

I suggest that without going psycho on it, you organise two or three proper dates, where you put in some effort and choose venues where you can both spend time together and SPEAK to each other. Preferably they should also provide opportunities for light physical contact, you know brushing her arm, escalating up to holding her hand, and kissing.

Then if you still like her, I suggest you ask her to be your girlfriend, if she says yes, you're going out.

it's really not rocket science, though it seems to be to most Irish men.

The King of Moo

cozzie55 wrote: »

she does joke about me being a bit of a stalker already so i don't think following her around is going to solve anything.

I don't think she was only looking for the roide, she doesn't seam that type of girl. Its hard enough to get any mention of sexual things out of her when we are texting. And yes were texting cause shes more of a texter than a talker, so its not cause we are teenagers we're both in our mid/late twenties.

I think i'm just going to play it cool and say "i'm in dublin next weekend on the friday night to meet friends, and I am thinking of staying the saturday so would you like to meet up for a coffee or to get some food". I don't want to make it sound like i'm coming specially to meet her cause i still want to keep it casual, so ya telling that white lie might be in order.

I'd definitely leave that part out. It could come across as an attempt at a subtle invitation to bed.

campo

Grow a pair , text her to say you be up in Dublin the weekend you got her a present in Ann summers and you plan to give her other lips a kiss goodnight , it will work

cozzie55

PhoenixParker wrote: »

you like her, yet you met her once and then waited a month before going out a second time?
and you put no effort into the date?
and you went to the cinema on the date - the cinema where you can't have a conversation or get to know your companion?

She is entirely accurate, you're not going out, you're having fun. You have yet to kiss her.
You have not asked her out, until you do so and she agrees, you are not going out.

I suggest that without going psycho on it, you organise two or three proper dates, where you put in some effort and choose venues where you can both spend time together and SPEAK to each other. Preferably they should also provide opportunities for light physical contact, you know brushing her arm, escalating up to holding her hand, and kissing.

Then if you still like her, I suggest you ask her to be your girlfriend, if she says yes, you're going out.

it's really not rocket science, though it seems to be to most Irish men.

No no its not that I said to her we're going out or anything. I just mentioned to her that I like her, straight away she jumped to the 'we're not going out only having fun' phrase. I know we're only having a bit of fun at the moment and see where it goes.

Micky Dolenz

PhoenixParker wrote: »

.

Then if you still like her, I suggest you ask her to be your girlfriend, if she says yes, you're going out.

it's really not rocket science, though it seems to be to most Irish men.

Are you 14?

Folester27

u wont find anythin out til u ask cozzie.. better off knowin the truth even if its not what u wanna hear than bein left in de dark about it

Third_Echelon

Dublin bus ghost bus tour... 60% of the time, it works all the time ;-) its good craic. have a few beers before and afterwards... then lob the gob on her ;-)

Fromthetrees

Don't tell a woman you like here until after you do the funky business at least twice, than you know for certain that she has some feelings (she doesn't hate you), there's no need to say anything before this, you simply prove you like her only through your actions.

The cinema is a place to go with people you already like/love, it's not a place to get to know someone you don't know because you don't have a chance to get into a long chat.

ballsymchugh

what you need is millions in the bank and an ironman suit. women love that. you'll have your own dance troupe of cheerleaders in no time and she'll be like putty in your hands.
distance won't be an issue then either.

PizzamanIRL

Her text proves she wants the ride, you messed up with that horrible reply, no offense.

If she's joking about you being a stalker, then she probably means it but is too nice to say it seriously. Are you texting her every day trying to drag out a conversation by talking sh!te?

el dude

You're putting the pussy up on a pedestal man. That sh!t will mess you up. And remember to clean the pipes before the next date, it will take the edge off.

upandcumming

PhoenixParker wrote: »

you like her, yet you met her once and then waited a month before going out a second time?
and you put no effort into the date?
and you went to the cinema on the date - the cinema where you can't have a conversation or get to know your companion?

She is entirely accurate, you're not going out, you're having fun. You have yet to kiss her.
You have not asked her out, until you do so and she agrees, you are not going out.

I suggest that without going psycho on it, you organise two or three proper dates, where you put in some effort and choose venues where you can both spend time together and SPEAK to each other. Preferably they should also provide opportunities for light physical contact, you know brushing her arm, escalating up to holding her hand, and kissing.

Then if you still like her, I suggest you ask her to be your girlfriend, if she says yes, you're going out.

it's really not rocket science, though it seems to be to most Irish men.

Don't do that.

Where To

When I find myself in situations like yours I ask myself;

What would Mr. Bean do?

Wacker The Attacker

I was alway more effective at screwing up first dates

HELLO, it's ME, the guy from the first and second date, no really it is.

God...

Where To wrote: »

When I find myself in situations like yours I ask myself;

What would Mr. Bean do?

Genius!!!

Canis Lupus

Tell her you want to wear her skin.

Snowie

Where To wrote: »

When I find myself in situations like yours I ask myself;

What would Mr. Bean do?

get his y-Fronts out and do a grinding motion while pulling that sticking tounge out motion :pac:

Wee Willy Harris

Turd time mucky ;- ;-

pookiesboo

another question wrote: »

Ah go for it! :P What have you got to lose? Seriously! All you have to lose is a bit of face and the chance that she might think that your really not interested if you don't push it a little further, don't give her the impression that you will give up that easy...that won't impress her at all.

Be casual if ya want but I would defo give it one last shot if ya like her, arrange a 'proper' meal out, how do ye talk and get to know each other at the cinema like? or in a loud bar...a nice dinner and bluff it off about the text, say something like...about that I didn't really want to make a move or that as I wasn't sure how you felt etc...if she meets ya again, ya will know what to do/say, if she blows ya off then forget and move on....

Eh, his dignity?! Stop texting her and eventally she'll (probably) get in touch, play it cool, dont come on too needy (we hate that) and let her make the next move, but DONT TEXT HER!!

Plazaman

themadchef wrote: »

LOL

Shush, you make yourself sound like a big ass stalker.

I think she likes you but youre texting like a teenager (yes you may be a teenager) ring her ffs. Get up there and lob one into her. If she lets you ride her, then i guess she likes you

This. Unless you are between 13 and 17, stop this texting lark, too impersonal. Man up and give her a call, tell her you're around next weekend and you have bought a bulk supply of condoms from the internet and wonder if she's around for a night out. Tell her you've being practicing the art of tantric sex and it's your treat and let her decide where to go. When your out keep rubbing your hands together, wink at her and say I can't wait for later calm, don't be nervous and don't overthink things.

giant_midget

Plazaman wrote: »

This. Unless you are between 13 and 17, stop this texting lark, too impersonal. Man up and give her a call, tell her you're around next weekend and you have bought a bulk supply of condoms from the internet and wonder if she's around for a night out. Tell her you've being practicing the art of tantric sex and it's your treat and let her decide where to go. When your out keep rubbing your hands together, wink at her and say I can't wait for later calm, don't be nervous and don't overthink things.

Exactly...This constant texting has the hallmarks of a child. Texting someone is not the way to get to know them. Phone calls and meeting up is. Try not sending as much texts to her, This is not a real conversation you are having with her. To be honest it's quite patethic if this is most of your communication with her.

marcl

Sorry to say OP but it doesn't sound like she has any other interest in you other than getting the ride. Esp seen as she has started to become distant since you mentioned liking her. But you may have just scared her off in the short term as she isn't at the same point as you. So it's still worth trying for a third date and see what she sayes. I would definitely keep it casual though i.e. No romantic candle light dinners. Plenty of time for that if she is still interested. I'd suggest something along the lines of the zoo as it's a great chance to talk and if things get awkward and you run out of things to talk about you can always just admire the animals. Other things like bowling, the ghost tour and mini golf are good. Another one i've thought that could be a good one for a day time date is the Viking city tour of Dublin, looks like good fun and you still have the chance to talk if you want.