slightly freaked out by incident

LegacyUser

I took up an evening class in my local school on Monday, and bumped into one of the guys from the class in the shops the next day. He offered me his phone number, which I took and gave him mine so we could swap notes (it's a language class and we have different books which might be of use). However since then I've been getting up to 50-60 texts a day from him and calls, which included the fact that he looked me up in the phone boo and knows my address. Bit freaked out. For all he knows I'm married/involved etc. Not sure what to do.

xzanti

50 to 60 calls and texts a day? :eek: seriously??

What are the nature of the calls? Are you answering them all?

You need to just tell him he's causing you unease and to back off, maybe just don't answer the calls... If it doesn't stop, then take it further.

What sort of character is he? Could he have mental health issues perhaps?

Gooner111

Are you replying to the texts and calls?? If so stop. Write him a polite text asking him to stop all the contact that it is too much. Hopefully it is just all innocent behaviour... that he is just overly friendly.

zef

Thats freaky allright, and i'm sure if you ask him to stop and he dosen't - it's harrassment.
If he keeps it up after you tell him to stop and you are not interested in him get onto AGS. I was being harrassed by a woman ex-friend with maybe 8-10 txts per day and the Gardai soon put a stop to her gallop.

Sir Pompous Righteousness

No questions. Get in touch with the Gardai immediately. You don't know his modus operandi.

gogglebok

I don't want to be alarmist, OP, but if you genuinely mean that someone you've just met is sending you over 50 texts a day, that's a problem. That is not normal behaviour. You need to tell him to stop, and do it in a brightly-lit public place with lots of other people around.

If he doesnt stop, talk to the Gardai.

woodchuck

I wouldn't wait; go to the guards now. This has stalker written all over it. This is not normal behaviour that could be chalked up to over-friendliness (unless you're replying to each of his texts/calls... which I really hope you're not!!)

ABajaninCork

I'd write the PFO text, then change your number...No point in taking chances.

AnonoBoy

Step 1: If you haven't done so already tell him firmly to stop texting/calling you.

Step 2: If he continues go to the Gardai.

Step 3: Tell him you've gone to the Gardai.

LegacyUser

another 60+ messages today - I replied to the very first two messages on Monday as they were normal enough but haven't replied to any since.

called the guards and they were less than helpful....would have to make an appointment next week to go forward.

I've put all the messages on a memory stick and given them to my male best friend. Last call he answered (he's staying with me) and said he was my husband, but got four texts after that. Last text was 'I'll be waiting for you.

Freaked. Now we're not talking teenagers. Both in 30s.

woodchuck

slightly freaked out by incident wrote: »

another 60+ messages today - I replied to the very first two messages on Monday as they were normal enough but haven't replied to any since.

called the guards and they were less than helpful....would have to make an appointment next week to go forward.

I've put all the messages on a memory stick and given them to my male best friend. Last call he answered (he's staying with me) and said he was my husband, but got four texts after that. Last text was 'I'll be waiting for you.

Freaked. Now we're not talking teenagers. Both in 30s.

Contact the phone company you're with to see if you can get his number blocked? Or if you need to change your own number

Keep on at the guards anyway... hopefully they can do something even if they are dragging their heels a bit.

Meauldsegosha

OP this sounds horrific my heart goes out to you. What you have done so far, keeping the messages, contacting the Garda is correct. I would also suggest contacting your phone supplier as other posters. You should also contact the school and let them know what is going on, he may be doing this to other people on the course.

Good luck.

ABajaninCork

OP. If you have a Samsung handset, it's possible to block the number yourself.

Would you be able to have someone accompany you to & from your classes?

AnonoBoy

Have you told him you've contacted the Gardai yet? Do that.

Also say you're being harassed to whoever runs the night classes. Make sure they know so you don't get paired up with him or anything like that.

DeltaWhite

OP - OMG! Scary or what! What a creep You should get a lift to and from your class on Monday. I dont want to freak you out but he sounds like a nut job

I did at first think this was a teen thing but from your last post saying you're both in your 30's I would definitely get this sorted asap..

Block the number - this is the main priority now!

EMTFlynn

What a ****ing nut :eek:

You can block his number. Ask your phone company.

KamiKazeKitten

Oh OP you poor thing!

I'd get his number blocked ASAP.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I work in a Phone Company and we cannot block indidvidual numbers, we always recommend a number change for instances like this.

Keep safe and good luck.

EMTFlynn

@friendly guy 1 yes you can block mobile numbers from texting you.

O2 do it.

The nutcase will probably go and get another sim card but just keep blocking his number. Or get another number.

I would also have someone meet you after class, you can't trust the nuts going these days.

Stavro Mueller

I dunno if it's wise to block the calls/texts if you want to go to the guards again? It'd be evidence and proof that this guy is still hassling you. I think you should go back to the guards again and again til they take this seriously. As to speak to a superior if needs be. I appreciate that this is awful but as things are, this guy is stalking you and knows where you live. He's in your language class so you'll be seeing him weekly. Don't let him ruin your language class.

LegacyUser

I can't change my phone number as was suggested as it is a work phone and my professional contact details. It's been my number since 1999.

I sent a text saying to please stop contacting me after I got more texts last night. I got an apologies text back. This was at 5am, and really badly spelled.

My best friend's been staying with me for the last while. So it's all to see what happens tomorrow - it's only a local evening class so I can do elsewhere but annoyed if I have to. My friend will drive me to and from class, with his brother as well.

What makes me freak out is the fact that I wasn't in the slightest dressed up, hadn't even put on makeup and I had a conversation for all of about 3 minutes. I'm 37 and this guy said he was 39. Somehow I think I must have been giving signals but yet I know I wasn't. It made me feel how rape victims must blame themselves. I know I didn't do anything, but I've been questioning my own behaviour. But why should I have to go round in a burka? I'm not that drop dead gorgeous that this has happened before.

I must say though the guards' response was pitiful.

ABajaninCork

OP. It's not the fact the text was badly spelled. It's the fact this freak thinks it's perfectly acceptable to text you at 5am I'd be more concerned about!

Did you keep the texts/log of calls? I'd be back to the Gards at this point and insist on speaking to a senior officer to demand action. Perhaps they could send someone round to give a friendly warning?

Good for you, not changing your class. Why should you?

Really sorry for your trouble & hope you get it sorted soon.

Stay strong!

Pa Dee

slightly freaked out by incident wrote: »

I can't change my phone number as was suggested as it is a work phone and my professional contact details. It's been my number since 1999.

I sent a text saying to please stop contacting me after I got more texts last night. I got an apologies text back. This was at 5am, and really badly spelled.

My best friend's been staying with me for the last while. So it's all to see what happens tomorrow - it's only a local evening class so I can do elsewhere but annoyed if I have to. My friend will drive me to and from class, with his brother as well.

What makes me freak out is the fact that I wasn't in the slightest dressed up, hadn't even put on makeup and I had a conversation for all of about 3 minutes. I'm 37 and this guy said he was 39. Somehow I think I must have been giving signals but yet I know I wasn't. It made me feel how rape victims must blame themselves. I know I didn't do anything, but I've been questioning my own behaviour. But why should I have to go round in a burka? I'm not that drop dead gorgeous that this has happened before.

I must say though the guards' response was pitiful.

Evening classes seem to be the latest pickup spot for some desperate singles. You need to be very careful with this nut

_Whimsical_

slightly freaked out by incident wrote: »

I can't change my phone number as was suggested as it is a work phone and my professional contact details. It's been my number since 1999.

I sent a text saying to please stop contacting me after I got more texts last night. I got an apologies text back. This was at 5am, and really badly spelled.

My best friend's been staying with me for the last while. So it's all to see what happens tomorrow - it's only a local evening class so I can do elsewhere but annoyed if I have to. My friend will drive me to and from class, with his brother as well.

What makes me freak out is the fact that I wasn't in the slightest dressed up, hadn't even put on makeup and I had a conversation for all of about 3 minutes. I'm 37 and this guy said he was 39. Somehow I think I must have been giving signals but yet I know I wasn't. It made me feel how rape victims must blame themselves. I know I didn't do anything, but I've been questioning my own behaviour. But why should I have to go round in a burka? I'm not that drop dead gorgeous that this has happened before.

I must say though the guards' response was pitiful.

His behaviour is no reflection on you or anything that you've done what so ever. Don't remotely go down the road of blaming yourself here.This guy has a serious problem,if it wasn't you it would be the next person to give him their phone number. It's just terribly unfortunate that this has happened to you. I would take every single precaution where he is concerned but try not to worry too much. He may be someone with no social skills what so ever who means no harm.He might respond to a "stop" from you and you have sent that. If you are uncomfortable at the class id say give it up. its not fair but it's not worth what the stress alone would do to you.

angeline

If you are with O2 you can use their 'Block It' service. The first thing you need to do is make it clear to him that these messages are unwanted. Keep all the messages and if he continues after this you will have to go the guards. That is scary from a stranger.

Janet1986

In this day and age you can't take chances. Just look at that Irish girl in Australia last week!

This man has developed a fixation on you because you were nice to him and gave him your number, i bet he looks forward to the evening class just so he can see you. :eek:

I have experience with the multiple texts, except i was dating a guy, I just blocked his number and ignored other numbers.

The guards would certainly take the text "i'lll be waiting for you" seriously surely?

Once this 'man' gets the hint you're not interested, expect the abusive texts :rolleyes:

Ickle Magoo

Pa Dee taking a three month holiday for repeatedly failing to take on board the numerous warnings to post mature, civil and constructive advice or refrain from posting.

If anyone hasn't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.


As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

Stavro Mueller

From reading this forum on and off, I get the impression that in cases like these you have to keep after the guards in order for them to do something. I'm only surmising here but maybe the thinking is that if someone's a crackpot or just stirring things for the sake of it, they'll not be back. But if you keep coming to them it's more serious? As I said, I'm just surmising.

Whatever you do, don't delete any of the messages. Just in case. Obviously this guy isn't firing on all cylinders and it's probably irrelevant now whether you keep going to the classes or not. If anyone should leave the course, it should be him, not you.

HellFireClub

Jesus Christ have the Gardai not more to be worrying about than this kind of stuff??? Pretend you are your husband/partner who has come across the messages, something along the lines of, "Hello, I'm Mary's Husband, who are you and why are you sending her so many texts?", that'll probably be the end of him...

ABajaninCork

HellFireClub wrote: »

Jesus Christ have the Gardai not more to be worrying about than this kind of stuff??? Pretend you are your husband/partner who has come across the messages, something along the lines of, "Hello, I'm Mary's Husband, who are you and why are you sending her so many texts?", that'll probably be the end of him...

Maybe so. I take it you're male and have never been in this situation, so maybe this is why you've posted what you have. You clearly have no idea why the OP is finding this so upsetting.This is something the Gards should be getting involved with IMO.

Pippy1976

I had experience of this. The way to get a number blocked is to not reply (via text or call) to the number in question a total of 3 times, in a row. Then ring the mobile provider and they can put his number in your blocked settings.

Strange one, for sure.

charlietheminxx

I was harassed by an ex. Meteor will block numbers for you no problem, but the Gards were very helpful to me I have to say, it's unfortunate they haven't been this way with you.

Please go back and push the Gardai for more help, just show up at a station armed with your phone and show them the messages.... It's important as this guy knows where you live. It can be very overwhelming and stressful. I hope it gets resolved for you soon.

EMTFlynn

Hi Op, one question we forgot to ask you is: How do you know he looked you up in the phone book and knows where you live?

Starokan

I think when you go to the evening class spell out to him in no uncertain terms that you want him to delete your contact details from his phone and never contact you again. Make him aware that you went to the gardai and that you will return to them to make a formal harassment complaint if he persists.

I'm no expert on the law but I would imagine if this continues the least the gardai will do is to pay him a visit and hopefully that will stop him in his tracks.

I would also have a private word with the evening class organisers and let them know what is after happening.

Without being alarmist there is every need to be vigilant, I would think you will not have long term problems with him but for now just be careful.

Pippy1976

EMTFlynn wrote: »

Hi Op, one question we forgot to ask you is: How do you know he looked you up in the phone book and knows where you live?

He looked her up in the phonebook... soooo odd. Also, I wonder was the initial chance meeting at the shops really just a chance meeting. I'd definitely be following this up with the police..

EMTFlynn

Pippy1976 wrote: »

He looked her up in the phonebook... soooo odd. Also, I wonder was the initial chance meeting at the shops really just a chance meeting. I'd definitely be following this up with the police..

Yes but did he say it to her is the question? "Oh i looked you up in the phone book etc"

If she has it in a text then the gards might take more notice.

LegacyUser

well i went on Monday and got my best male mate to come with me, and he picked me up and gave me a hug as if we were involved.

The guy waved over at me but I ignored him. I can't remember a word of the class. He texted me on the way home to say he was in a local bar. I didn't reply...then got lots of messages saying how gorgeous I was (I'm not bad but not gorgeous). This moved onto asking who the guy who picked me up was. At this my mate got incensed and wanted to call him. I don't get the intent that any of these messages are threatening, but it is odd as so many of them come in in the middle of the night (I know I'm typing this at 6am but my smoke alarm went off and I couldn't get back to sleep).

The phone book incident is weird, we introduced ourselves in class, and I have a fairly unusual name...it was my own fault to give him my mobile number (although a sheet went round in the class with all numbers as contact details on Monday) but once he got my name could look me up in the phone book. He said this by text and I gave it to the guards. My home number's there and my address but due to a UPC fault hasn't been working this week.

The shop thing is now raising issues in my head. It is a newsagents in an area that is in an estate and has a coffee shop but I found out that he lives the other end of the area from me. You wouldn't know that the newsagent was there, it's in Waterville in Blanchardstown if anyone knows it. I had a word with the shop manager who knows me from picking up papers etc. and he said the guy nursed coffee for a couple of hours so much so they asked him as to why he was there.

My last text last night was 'are you are tucked up, my love, thinking of your bodyxxx'

I can't ask my mate to stay forever. His girlfriend's not impressed! (Obviously). I really don't feel that threatened. My problem was the lecturer for the first two weeks is not the ongoing one, so I think I will ring the office today and meet the regular one.

By the way to the poster who said have the guards not got more to do, listen I'm 37 and well able to look after myself and it's freaked me. My dad is sick and in and out of hospital, my job is at risk, I had problems paying my mortgage this month, I have good friends but can't impose forever, and I don't need any more stress. I am having sincere issues sleeping and eating. I found myself wearing a high necked top and jeans and no makeup to a local course at the community school which was supposed to be educational. I have heard nothing back from the guards.

Ickle Magoo

I would take your phone and all other evidence including the coffee shop incident and go back to the guards. If they do not take you very seriously at the desk, ask to speak to someone higher up until they do listen. I don't know if Ireland has a similar system as the UK but it might be worth asking if/where the special point of contact is for stalking/harassment type complaints so you can report it there/get support/info directly.

Lastly, contact him once and once only and state you have reported him to the guards and not to contact you again (this ensures he cannot argue any contact after that date was warranted or wanted by you, especially if you've previously responded) - and then change your mobile phone number so that you don't have to see/hear their texts and they stop getting a kick from knowing you are receiving them - make sure you save everything to sim and keep the sim/save all text messages via the PC. I cannot imagine any employer thinks more of mobile number permanency than the safety/welfare of their employees.

Contact your course facilitator and ask for a meeting with them. Take all evidence along and let them know what you are dealing with now given it was their class he's using to pick people to harass from and thanks to the number sheet, could be harassing any number of people. If they aren't going to remove him from the course, I'd ask for a full reimbursement of any fees paid and do another course elsewhere/take the course at another time.

While pretending you have a fella may sound effective, it really isn't. He's getting his kicks from freaking/creeping you out and whether you have a partner or not makes no odds to him. Even if your mates were prepared to get leery with the guy, it's just showing him he's bothering you and now bothering other people in your life - jackpot.

There are lots of things you can do to deal with him and get him out your life - I'm a bit confused why you aren't going all out to do them...if I were you I'd be at the guarda station and refusing to leave until a formal complaint is taken seriously other than to get myself a new sim card.

All the best. :cool:

Pippy1976

Don't reply to ANY of the texts - you don't say whether you are or not. But, giving this guy even an inch of attention wouldn't be the way to go. The texts are really weird considering you spoke to him only a few times - they're extremely full on which brings me to my next point...

... I agree with IckleMagoo that it doesn't appear that you taking every step necessary to report this guy / block his number / get a new SIM etc. It may be a work phone but I'm sure if you discuss the issue with your manager they'll provide you with a new SIM card. Also, the fact that the guy in the shop said this man was hanging around sipping / nursing a coffee for hours (waiting for you to arrive, maybe?) is EXTREMELY worrying... ask if you can see the CCTV footage or inform the guards (seriously, you need to hound them 'til they take notice) that there would be evidence on the shops CCTV archive.

I wanted to avoid mentioning a certain case in Melbourne that happened recently but honest to God, your safety is at risk here from what you've told us... you cannot take chances... no matter it may be harmless infatuation but what if it isn't???? We all go around thinking 'I'll be fine, nothing will happen to ME' - Don't rest on your laurels here.

ViveLaVie

OP I think you need to take the advice of the previous two posters. This guy sounds totally obsessed with you and a bit unstable. He is a creep and knows where you live. You don't know what is going on in his head. Make sure the guards take this seriously. I don't mean to scare you but I think you need to take this seriously.

Pippy1976

Yes, I wanted to say that too ViveLaVie... I don't want to come across as overly dramatic or an alarmist but you need to take action asap.

Lollipops23

OP, I've followed this thread all the way through and have to say I don't think you're over reacting at all.

This guy is harassing you, you have all the proof you need. Go back to the Guards and tell them you feel he's ramped it up a notch and you'd really like someone to call out to his house to have a chat.

In the meantime, make sure you touch base with plenty of people throughout the day, and try and be safety conscious at home. I'm not trying to freak you out, but doing all this simple stuff will give you some peace of mind.

I really don't think you're being overly dramatic in involving the police; you were nice about it for long enough.

Stavro Mueller

Hi OP. I think at this stage you should go back to the guards and hassle them until you get satisfaction. Ask to speak to a superior. Do not let this lie. You must be more proactive here. You've got to understand that this guy has latched onto you and it's not going to matter to him what you're wearing to class or what you look like. He's getting some sort of kick out of stalking you and until he thinks he's going to get into actual trouble for it, he's likely to continue. So at this stage you should be getting the guards involved.

I think you shouldn't be blocking his texts at the moment because it's evidence that's building up against him. It's certainly not nice to get them but I would argue that it's better to have all this on your phone so you can.

crosstownk

I too have been following this thread with interest.

OP, the Gardaí need to be convinced by you that this guy is stalking you and making you feel quite uncomfortable. At this stage it doesn't really matter why he is doing it. The fact is that is doing it and it's taking it's toll on you. His actions and behaviour are bang out of order.

He has long overstepped the mark from being friendly and has entered the creepy zone and then some. Tell him to stop and tell the Gardaí that you have told him stop.

Nobody should have to endure what this guy is doing to you. Whether he's doing it as wind up or because he's messed up is of no consequence.

Please - emphasise your grave concerns to the Gardaí and don't let them shrug you off.

EMTFlynn

I think you need to leave the evening course. No course is worth the hassle.

I would get a new phone for friends and family, and put your current phone in a drawer and ignore it.

crosstownk

EMTFlynn wrote: »

I think you need to leave the evening course. No course is worth the hassle.

I don't really agree with this. Why should she pack the course in because some freak is out of order? Remember that this guy knows her address.............

Stavro Mueller

And there is no guarantee at this stage that leaving the course will solve the issue. Without sounding like a broken record, really the only sensible course of action to take now is to go back to the guards. Crosstownk above me here has phrased it well. The onus is on you to convince the Gardai that he is stalking you and creeping you out like this. It's not great that the guards haven't been helpful to date but you can either moan that they're useless or go back again. I know which one I'd be choosing.

daisybelle2008

OP, you say your Male friend wanted to ring him? Would you not let him do that? Threaten him with the guards! I would not think twice about getting a male friend or relative to do this very soon, might get the message. You are being too nice and too much of a victim ( modifying your clothes and changing routine) he is the problem not you and don't be afraid to let him know. The Coffee shop hanging around is freaky.

dellas1979

Something like this can suck all the confidence out of you because you'll blame yourself (which is what you are doing). Did I give the wrong impression? Did I look at him in the wrong way? Did I smile too much?

Now let me tell you this, you didnt do anything wrong. It was all done in complete normality (your number, name etc).

Whatever is going on in his head is not normal. Not you, him. So you cannot blame yourself for him latching onto you like this. It could have been anyone.


Ignore his calls/texts anyways, do not approach him and do not get anyone to talk to him, back to the gardai and dont move until someone sees you (this is personally what I would be doing). You are a frightened woman living on your own! You have rights as a citizen living here to feel safe!

Roisy7

crosstownk wrote: »

I don't really agree with this. Why should she pack the course in because some freak is out of order? Remember that this guy knows her address.............

I agree with this as well, besides it would be red rag to a bull if she didn't turn up. He would prob plague her with texts to ask where she had been!

Seriously, pester the guards until they listen. Tell them you will be complaining to the garda ombudsman if they don't.

Not to freak you out further OP but I remember watching a documentary a few years back about stalkers and how in the UK it wasn't taken seriously by police until a case in the 1990s where a woman was murdered (NOT that this will happen to you). Basically there was a police inquiry and they found out they didn't take this seriously enough when the woman reported it in the early stages and the murder could have been prevented. So then in the UK they tightened up the laws and procedures.

Refuse to leave the garda station until they take you seriously.

And talk to the course coordinator immediately.

Good luck OP x

handlemaster

OP. Don't answer any of the texts. You should have his number blocked by now. Or just change your number altogether. The guards should be treating this seriously. Do you live alone ? I guess you do if your male friend has come to stay. Is pepper spray legal in Ireland ? If so would get one of those for the handbag... just in case. Hes not going to stop. Restraining order might be necessary. Speak to a solicitor first consultation will be free.