"It must be PMT"

Shelga

Was in the kitchenette in work the other day and sort of banged the microwave door shut, I'm just a bit careless in general A guy who's been saying "Hello Shelga" for the last year but whose name I have no idea of, then piped up "Oo-er, someone's in a bad mood, you must have PMT!"

I just rolled my eyes and started chatting to someone else, walked away and put it down to him being of a different generation (I'm 25, he's about 55-60). However, today I was in the kitchen again and as it's a Saturday I was wearing a denim skirt instead of my usual workwear. He said to me "Oh where did those legs come from??"

Keeping in mind I have no working relationship with this man, as I said, I don't even know his name, he just sits in another part of our very large office, I'm bemused and a bit pissed off by his stupid comments.

Just wondering has anyone else experienced this nonsense in the workplace and how do you deal with it? I'm in no way the type to ever make a complaint against anyone, and I can tell he thinks he's being funny, but how do you deal with it and it it worth saying something to make them realise they sound like sexist dinosaurs??

shinikins

''That's not a very appropriate thing to say''

Leave it at that I don't think I've ever come across an attitude like that in my working life, because I've perfected a dead stare-there really is no way to rise someone when there is no reaction given. If someone is foolish enough to try to continue, speak to HR, this man may be of an older generation, but I'm sure he realises what is appropriate workplace conversation, and what is not.

Little Acorn

Maybe he has started to take a dislike to you because he has been saying hello to you by name for a year, and you have not even bothered to find out his name yet!?

Regardless of whether that irks him in some way or not, he has no right to behave in a way that makes you uncomfortable. (I was only kinda joking in my opening sentence, I know you don't have to go around learning the names of everyone in a large office, and I'm sure you were probably never rude to him when he said hi.)

In response to the pmt comment, you could say "my menstrual cycle is none of your business." in a firm serious voice. That might embarrass him into shutting up.

In response to "where did those legs come from?" you could say - "Oh I was born with legs, figured that is where most people's legs come from- how about you, did you get your's somewhere different!?" :eek: (feigning sarcastic amazement)

IF his intention is to make you embarrassed and uncomfortable then the above responses would shut him up fairly quickly and make him look stupid.

However maybe he just has a silly sense of humour, so just telling him you don't like these comments and to stop might be more appropriate.

LegacyUser

Just to refer back to Caitlin Moran's book - she suggests that confronting people with accusations sexism will make them defensive, that a better approach is just to say, "That was rude!"
I absolutely loathe when people nothing your emotions with cries of "Oh it must be PMT!"

Quality

Oh yeah, I got that from a guy in work. I was throwing a strop over something and he say "Bit hormonal today are we".

The truth is he was right...

Embarrassing or what...:o

WindSock

Doesn't make it right though, I mean what if it were him and you said 'what's the matter, missus not putting out in the bedroom'?

Could be true but not really the right thing to say to a colleague.

Stheno

Shelga wrote: »

Was in the kitchenette in work the other day and sort of banged the microwave door shut, I'm just a bit careless in general A guy who's been saying "Hello Shelga" for the last year but whose name I have no idea of, then piped up "Oo-er, someone's in a bad mood, you must have PMT!"

I just rolled my eyes and started chatting to someone else, walked away and put it down to him being of a different generation (I'm 25, he's about 55-60). However, today I was in the kitchen again and as it's a Saturday I was wearing a denim skirt instead of my usual workwear. He said to me "Oh where did those legs come from??"

Keeping in mind I have no working relationship with this man, as I said, I don't even know his name, he just sits in another part of our very large office, I'm bemused and a bit pissed off by his stupid comments.

Just wondering has anyone else experienced this nonsense in the workplace and how do you deal with it? I'm in no way the type to ever make a complaint against anyone, and I can tell he thinks he's being funny, but how do you deal with it and it it worth saying something to make them realise they sound like sexist dinosaurs??

Simple rule here, if you wouldn't say it to a woman or a man regardless of their gender, then you are crossing a line.

I'd take one of two approaches with yer man, I'd either give him a smart retort, or I'd mention sexual discrimination to him under the guise of "Do you say that to the guys when they are having an off day, or are you just assuming that's the cause as I'm female?" for the pmt comment, same with the legs comment, that's close to sexual harassment. It frightens the bejasus out of blokes like that that their "page three/sure it's only a joke comment" are even considered or verbalised as such, and can do an awful lot to make them shut the **** up without doing anything further.

I worked with one bloke who was lethal for this, his favourite was asking women who were married and in their thirties why they didn't have kids.

He gave me enough grief that one day after weeks of blocking him, I turned around with a face like a slapped arse on me, and told him I couldn't, that I'd had loads of fertility tests and my husband was incapable of having kids.

He ran. Never again was the subject mentioned.

Roisy7

Perhaps as regards the PMT comment, you should go into a huge spiel about your cycle, your flow, what size tampons you use etc etc.

He wouldn't do it again!

I've put up with a lot of that **** in my old job from customers. I used to ignore it but it was never very effective. But one day a man in his 50s was sleazing up to me, and one of my colleagues (who usually worked in a different branch) said something along the lines of "X, you have daughters of Roisy's age, how would you like it if they were trying to earn money for college and a man of your age was saying that to them?!"

He didn't do it again. Shame him next time.