Should a person always know that they are dying?

Biggins

I know it's AH (and expect standard Ah answers - absolutely fair enough) but here is a serious question:

Should a person always know that they are dying?


The situation:
Person dying in a hospital bed of cancer (or something else).
They think they are just receiving treatment for it and put down their constant in and out of sleeping/coma due to the illness but think they are on the road to recovery - but are NOT!

Without going into personal detail (for a few weeks at least), should a person be ALWAYS told of their impending doom?

I say "Yes" in order to prepare themselves, adjust a will, say good bye's, etc.
However I have come across some who say different but really fail to explain to me why they feel different.

Maybe someone can enlighten me as to why others would say different?

andala

I guess it depends which side of the bed you're on. If I was the one dying, I'd rather be told the truth. However, if I was to tell my kids or somebody close to me that they're not going to make it, I suppose it would be easier for me to lie to them and count on a miracle to happen

FatherLen

definitely, nobody has the right to keep that from anyone.

fenris

Definitely should be informed if they are a normal adult, not informing them deprives them of the opportunity to set their affairs in order and potentially chose their own place and time.

The real question is how would you go out in style?

Random

the truth, always.

aaronjumper

If it was me I would want to know.

SEPT 23 1989

fenris wrote: »

Definitely should be informed if they are a normal adult, not informing them deprives them of the opportunity to set their affairs in order and potentially chose their own place and time.

The real question is how would you go out in style?

Difficult to sort out your affairs if you slipping in and out of consciousness

Micky Dolenz

Are you talking about me?

You have me worried.

mawk

momento mori

Real Life

yea i think you should know the truth

im invisible

We're all dying anyway, theres none of us going to live forever

DEFTLEFTHAND

Its an absolute right to the stricken individual to know the severity of their condition. Imo its not ethical for a medical professional or loved one to keep that kind of information from anybody, unless of course they ask not be informed of any bad news. (Bob Marley and his battle with cancer springs to mind)

I have a feeling though that the person themselves deep down will know if their time is coming to an end, with or without a doctor giving the news.

kelle

Depends on the person. When my parents were sick, some of the palliative care nurses constantly referred to "the time (they) have left" which really upset them.

I let them (the care team) know of my fury that they could say things like that to people who are trying to come to terms with their diagnosis and subsequent treatment, I was told I should have specified this with their doctor! I hadn't been told about death, anyway I didn't want to know - I wouldn't have been able to look after them as well as I did if I had been told of a timeframe.

And, mum had always said in the past that if you tell somebody had 6 months to live they'll be dead in 6 weeks! So I knew they wouldn't want to be told.


As the weeks went by and they got frailer my father knew his time was nearly up and came to terms with it.

Mum improved, she was determined to beat the cancer and she did only to die suddenly a month after my father - of a broken heart, I believe!

minidazzler

Stab them straight up in the chest and as they are taking their final breaths tell them they are dying....they'll laugh and you'll feel better.

WumBuster

An adult yes as long as they are not in extreme distress in which case there would be no point upsetting them further.. A child, maybe not.

wp_rathead

fenris wrote: »

Definitely should be informed if they are a normal adult, not informing them deprives them of the opportunity to set their affairs in order and potentially chose their own place and time.

The real question is how would you go out in style?

elaborate please?

nachocheese

Absolutely, it's their right to know. There's something very wrong about the thought of a family member going into hospital having taken ill, their family are told they're going to die from it and then the patient themselves isn't told. If anyone should know, the sick person should and then let it be up to them to tell everyone else.

If anything, at least it lets them plan for something almost all of us put off thinking about.

I'm talking about adults by the way. I'm flip-flopping on whether I think it's a good idea to tell a child they're going to die soon.

fenris

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Difficult to sort out your affairs if you slipping in and out of consciousness

But not impossible, it would give some focus to wakey wakey time, allowing you to ask for people that you were going to get around to at some stage, even if it is just to tell them that they are only a prick or that you loved them always and have a giggle at the relations telling them that it is just the meds, but knowing that they know you meant it.

You could spout some great Nostradamus type generalities just for fun.

There are bucket list items that cane be reached upon even from a hospital bed.

Maybe you have a final exit option buddy that you need to give the nod to.

mconigol

Absolutely yes. Sickens me that this is kept from people.

TommyKnocker

I am a 50yr old guy and I would not want to know if I was dying. I seriously couldn't handle being told I had x amount of time left.

I remember being absolutely amazed at how Jane Tomlinson handled her life after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. I know I couldn't do that.

If I did find out and was able, I would be straight over to Digitas in Switzerland or hopefully I could find some other way to take myself out. But I wouldn't be hanging around. I am hoping for a brain aneurysm or massive heart attack.

OnTheCounter

My father was in hospital for the final 6 weeks and wasn't told and believed he would get better enough to go home.

It left a lot of unresolved issues.

I still don't know if it was the right thing to do.

Vague answer: if they are mentally strong and able to coherently clear up any issues tell them. If they are the type to go to pieces there is no benefit.

Biggins

I appreciate the replies so far.

I wouldn't want to know.

I would want to know, so i could delete my texts and emails that i don't want people reading when i drop dead. Oh yeah, would need to clean up the HDD as well!
Would also be good to try some really hard drugs like crack just to see what i might have missed out on and knowing addiction wouldn't be an issue.

Ilyana

My uncle wasn't expressly told he was dying, but he and everyone else knew it. What was harder was that he believed he had more time left than he actually did. The doctor had to gently inform him that his time would come sooner than he thought.

In the case of a coherent adult, I think they will ask if they want to know. Some people don't want to be told, so perhaps it is unfair to tell all patients without exception. As for children, a young child might not understand anyway, while the parents of an older child might be able to judge how they will react, and therefore whether the child ought to know.

On the other hand, you can't leave someone oblivious to their situation. My uncle took quite some time to accept what was happening to him, which delayed his will being drawn up and led to even more heartache.

If it were me, I think I'd rather know. I'd hate to try to fight an illness when my strength was actually dwindling, in the hope of living a life I'd never see. I know that's quite pessimistic but that's just me.

Hrududu

A couple of weeks ago I was told about a man that my parents knew. He had been sick for a while but he didn't realise he was going to die. His family were told and they decided not to tell him. I'm sure they made that decision because they thought it was for the best. But I thought they kind of robbed him of the chance to settle anything. You never know what someone might want to say or do if they knew for sure they were going to die soon.

It also made me wonder about what they said to him. If he was having a particularly bad day did they lie to give him false hope? I think if I was one of his family I'd probably struggle with that. I'd know that the decision came from a good place but I'd probably feel a bit guilty that I took that decision on his behalf. I think he had a right to know.

SusieBlue

Assuming the person dying had been suffering with an illness for a while and therefore had their affairs in order, I wouldn't tell them.

I personally wouldn't want to know if it were me in the hospital bed. A friend of a friend was in a horrific car accident a while back, they managed to stabilise him for a few days but his chances weren't good. When he was conscious his wife kept telling him he'd be coming home soon, even though they knew he wouldn't, because they thought he'd panic and be afraid if they told him it was The End.

I can only imagine the panic, fear, and anxiety I'd feel if I knew death was near. I wouldn't want to go through that. I'd prefer to slip away then spend my last few moments terrified of what was coming next.

Just my personal take on it.

Rasmus

WhiteRoses wrote: »

Assuming the person dying had been suffering with an illness for a while and therefore had their affairs in order, I wouldn't tell them.

I personally wouldn't want to know if it were me in the hospital bed. A friend of a friend was in a horrific car accident a while back, they managed to stabilise him for a few days but his chances weren't good. When he was conscious his wife kept telling him he'd be coming home soon, even though they knew he wouldn't, because they thought he'd panic and be afraid if they told him it was The End.

I can only imagine the panic, fear, and anxiety I'd feel if I knew death was near. I wouldn't want to go through that. I'd prefer to slip away then spend my last few moments terrified of what was coming next.

Just my personal take on it.

Sorry, did he die then?

SusieBlue

Rasmus wrote: »

Sorry, did he die then?

Yeah, he passed away not long after.

Rasmus

WhiteRoses wrote: »

Yeah, he passed away not long after.

I think cases of when there has been a terrible accident are a bit different than terminal illness. In the case above, his wife had to allow him to fight. Sad story.

starbelgrade

Fuck me, this is depressing.