Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters

JP Liz V1

Trailer is out now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i26ggsYOHCk

Jeremy Renner seems to be popping up everywhere nowadays kinda reminds me of Van Helsing

CJ_

Looks like a lot of fun and a good spin on the the tale.

From the director of Dead Snow - which I haven't seen, but read good things about.

I hope it's nothing like Van Helsing in terms of tone, though it seems similar enough...we'll wait and see!

johnny_ultimate

MEMO
Re: The Bastardisation of All Existing Culture
To: All Hollywood Executives
From: The Automatic Blockbuster Generation Computer

ALL,

Please observe the following protocols if stuck for production ideas:

1. Take historical figure / fairy and/or folk tale / classic children's literature / all of the above.
2. Turn it into generic action film. Horror elements are optional, but strongly encouraged.
3. Add hot young stars. Jeremy Renner is preferable wherever possible.
4. SEXY EPIC IT
5. Make film. Release film. Make delicious smoothies out of box office receipts.

This memorandum is effective immediately. It should be utilised in conjunction with previous memoranda SUPERHEROES = CASH MONEY, YO and REMAKES, REMAKES, REMAKES. As ever, a "you've got to be kidding me" joke should be included wherever possible.

Yours in evil,
The Automatic Blockbuster Generation Computer

pixelburp

Looks like Van Helsing, only directed by Robert Rodgriquez. Which is to say, utter gubbins of the highest order.

At least to give people warning they've cast Peter Stormare, no better man to signal a films quality. I'm still trying to figure out who the market is for films like this; Hansel & Gretel are a bit archaic in the first place & I don't understand who studios think this would pull in.

Galvasean

How generically badass... Looks a bit too Van Helsing for my liking.

CJ_

Galvasean wrote: »

How generically badass... Looks a bit too Van Helsing for my liking.

Yeah I was worried when I saw the crossbow become circular to shoot in 3 directions simultaneously :rolleyes:

Galvasean

Yeah, I'm not exactly loving Hollywood's fetish for putting weapon technology we can barely make in the 21st Century into medieval times. It just seems out of place and wrong.

johnny_ultimate

There's a relatively recent Korean film that twists the story in a few unusual ways, but emerges as a surprisingly thoughtful and visually ambitious semi-horror film. It's on Netflix for the curious. Certainly a more interesting subversion of the original than any of this recent spat of silly classic downgrades.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlfnhVsbyeQ

Icarus Wings

Looks like we're back in Van Helsing and The Brothers Grimm territory! For a trailer designed to generate excitement and interest, it's actually quite underwhelming...

With the digging up of iconic characters from folklore and old literature across different media, the only one that I can remember truly enjoying was Alan Moore's The League of Extraordinary Gentleman...the graphic novels now, certainly not the movie! :P

humanji

I'm really excited about this. I don't want to watch it, but as a budding screenwriter it's nice to know that any old sh*te can be made these days.

Duggy747

Eurgh....


Nothing is more generic and boring than people walking away from explosions.

Mickeroo

One or two of those walk aways were well earned imo

THis film looks like a waste of a good cast.

sReq | uTeK

think it looks quite good, good aul fashion popcorn movie, nothing thats going to take the oscars by storm but I reckon it could be quote good fun.

TheIrishGrover

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqz5dbs5zmo

God, come back Van Helsing nearly all is forgiven. That looks totally dire.

pookiesboo

johnny_ultimate wrote: »

There's a relatively recent Korean film that twists the story in a few unusual ways, but emerges as a surprisingly thoughtful and visually ambitious semi-horror film. It's on Netflix for the curious. Certainly a more interesting subversion of the original than any of this recent spat of silly classic downgrades.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlfnhVsbyeQ

That was on Film4 a couple of weeks back, not bad!

Marty McFly

Think the trailer started off okay looked like Hansil and Gretil with a little twist but the more the trailer went on the more I was inclined to think this will be terrible.

Morag

Ah the return of the good olde Monster B movie.
It's been a while from the last Van Hellsing, we were due another silly movie in that genre.

KenSwee

Into the same bin that has Abe Lincoln.

angryangel

Wasn't Noomi Rapace supposed to be Gretel at one stage? Couldn't have an actual actress, that may make it a good movie.

Meh, Gemma Arterton still easy on the eyes.

Looks average at best, future DVD-as-a-beer-mat at worst. Renner is making up for years of not getting any real work, his Oscar nod entitles him to at least four cash ins. Matt Damon Legacy and this are two. Avengers is it's own thing, so we'll not count that and it was aweesommmeee.

Note: Famke Jansen = Still got it.

JP Liz V1

angryangel wrote: »

Wasn't Noomi Rapace supposed to be Gretel at one stage? Couldn't have an actual actress, that may make it a good movie.

Meh, Gemma Arterton still easy on the eyes.

Looks average at best, future DVD-as-a-beer-mat at worst. Renner is making up for years of not getting any real work, his Oscar nod entitles him to at least four cash ins. Matt Damon Legacy and this are two. Avengers is it's own thing, so we'll not count that and it was aweesommmeee.

Note: Famke Jansen = Still got it.

Renner was also in MI4

JP Liz V1

Wow $19 million opening weekend in the US, no. 1 in the box office, Renner a bigger draw than Arnie or Statham btw movie producers are Will Ferrell and Adam McKay

constitutionus

i am dying to see this one.

theres always seems to be a derth of good ol fashined dumbass popcorn munchers during oscar season and this ones got brainless fun stamped all over it.

senordingdong

How has Jeremy Renner gone from two academy award nominations to exploding fairytale witches in a movie nobody liked eight years ago when it was called The Brothers Grimm.

nix

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

senordingdong

senordingdong wrote: »

How has Jeremy Renner gone from two academy award nominations to exploding fairytale witches in a movie nobody liked eight years ago when it was called The Brothers Grimm.

Jeremy Renner's Agent "Listen Jeremy, I have this script about Hansel and Gretal hunting down and kill all manner of evil things. It's generic by the book big budget action cinema and I think you should do it."

Jeremy Renner "I'm a serious actor and surely the Bourne film fills my action quota. Why should I lower myself to doing this years Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter?"

Jeremy Renner's Agent "You're looking at a pay cheque of around 10 million."

Jeremy Renner "I'm sure that it's a challenging piece of cinema that will showcase my talents. When can I come in and sign the contract?"

Warper

Jesus that looks bad. The effects look cheap. Looks like Twilight meets Red Riding Hood with slapstick humour. Agree about Famke though, sweet

krudler

Saw the trailer for this before something recently and half the cinema was groaning, it looks woeful, just bland, boring crap. I'm all for silly B movies but this looks charmless. I wanted to like Van Helsing, the poster was cool, the idea was solid, but noooo, they had to go and hire Stephen Sommers, who resides in the same director calibre as Paul WS Anderson and Brett Ratner, hacks for hire. Turned what could have been a great monster flick into a bad cgi laden, plot hole ridden mess.

Rael

senordingdong wrote: »

How has Jeremy Renner gone from two academy award nominations to exploding fairytale witches in a movie nobody liked eight years ago when it was called The Brothers Grimm.

Film was made a while ago (possibly pre-Hurt Locker Oscar win) and has been sitting in a can on the shelf for a while.

Rael

Rael wrote: »

Film was made a while ago (possibly pre-Hurt Locker Oscar win) and has been sitting in a can on the shelf for a while.

It was shot in 2011 and due for release early last year but they decided to hold it back so as to allow for additional reshoots and to give the FX team extra time to work in the CGI and some 3D conversion as only about half the film was shot using 3D cameras. It's not a case of a film sitting on a shelf because the studio had no faith in it if that's what you think.

humanji

I love the IMDB trivia on this:

In an interview with Famke Janssen at Cannes 2011, she stated that she took her role as the head witch because she had to pay off her mortgage. Janssen has stated multiple times that since 2007, she was prepping her writing/directorial debut "Bringing up Bobby", where funding and distribution had gone through hard times, partly due to the 2008 economic crisis. She also had not done much acting in that period of time.

Not screened in advance for critics.

That instills me with confidence about it's release.

constitutionus

Aw the poor critics , having to pay to see this like the rest of us

Does anyone really need to read a critics view on this ? You can practically write em now yourself .

This thing will be like underworld or resident evil and will live or die on whether it entertains or not .

Not what some bloke In the times thinks . Hell if anything the worse review it gets the better it will do

ScumLord

Duggy747 wrote: »

Eurgh....

Nothing is more generic and boring than people walking away from explosions.

One of the best bits in Django was when he turns around to watch the explosion. Who wouldn't?

krudler

humanji wrote: »

I love the IMDB trivia on this:





That instills me with confidence about it's release.

Actors need paydays too, I think it was Dennis Hopper who said in an interview his grandkid or someone asked him why he was in Super Mario Bros and he said "to pay for your new runners" and the kid said " I dont need new runners that badly" :pac:

shadowcomplex

Gemma Arterton is so sexy

constitutionus

you know ive just noticed - this is a 90min film !

i wonder if thats helped in its ticket sales?

i cant remember the last film i went to see that was only an hour and a half long.

senordingdong

Rael wrote: »

Film was made a while ago (possibly pre-Hurt Locker Oscar win) and has been sitting in a can on the shelf for a while.

Maybe they didn't want it competing with the masterpiece that was The Bourne Legacy.

MisterAnarchy

constitutionus wrote: »

you know ive just noticed - this is a 90min film !

Not screened in advance for critics.

Two sure signs that its pure rubbish.
Its obviously been cut to bits on the editing room floor to get it down to 90 minutes .

Please. Please. Please. Please stop writing these. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (while actually kinda enjoyable), Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and the rest. It always smacks of lazy writing. Taking a time-honoured piece and adding zombies, vampires, witches, boogeymen or - next - probably hipsters. Crikey.

candy-gal1

Not sure if theres a similar thread already so feel free to move it if necessary!
Saw this last week, all I can say is go ad see it!! Amazing effects, slightly scaryish bits, great style, all out action imho but not mindless, and the best movie in 3D Ive seen so far, by far! Id definitly be wanting to go see it again!

Random

what age group / type of person is this film aimed at?

latenia

I enjoyed reading Peter Bradshaw's review in The Guardian:

It's a film which is so demeaningly bad, so utterly without merit, that there is a kind of purity in its awfulness.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2013/feb/28/hansel-gretel-witch-hunters-review

AnonoBoy

They hacked it down to about 80 minutes or so didn't they because it was so bad?

krudler

It definitely looks brutal, wasn't this shot a few years ago? I'd say Renner is raging he has to go around promoting it since he's become a bigger star since he made it.

constitutionus

Random wrote: »

what age group / type of person is this film aimed at?

The resident evil crowd . Can't wait meself

JP Liz V1

I'm sure I read somewhere than Renner did all or if not most of his own stunts in this film

johnny_ultimate

Threads merged, because some films don't deserve two threads.

Just out of this and I'm assuming that the op saw a different version to the one I did. It's an incompetent mess of a film with a woeful script, atrocious acting, set design and FX work out of a SyFy original and some of the poorest action scenes ever put on film.

It's a film that has no idea what it wants to be. The script is beyond poor, dialogue is wooden and the repeated use of the F word sounds odd. Characters speak as if they've walked out of a day time soap though that's slightly unfair as most soaps have better writing. The kid our heroes meet acts and speaks like a modern day 17 year old and his dialogue would be perfectly at home in 21 Jump Street. The rest of characters fare no better with roles so underwritten and cliched that you really have to wonder how anyone deemed this worthy of throwing millions of dollars at. There's not a single surprise to be found and the story has been done a dozen times before. Every single scene feels tired and boring with the last third bring laughably bad.

None of the cast even try to do anything of note. It's clearly an easy pay check for them and even then you have to ask why they'd take this as their easy money maker. The average made for TV genre film is more worthy of putting your name to.

If the action scenes were in the least bit entertaining or incentive none of the above would matter. It is after all an action film but I've seen better fight choreography at 5am on a saturday night in Temple Bar. Worst of all is the fact that many of the scenes appear to have been either cut short or not filmed fully. Characters disappear in the middle of a fight only to reappear a few minutes later in a tree.

I was hoping for something fun on this Monday evening but instead got a dull, lifeless action film that would be more at home On the SyFy channel on a Saturday night. The most frightening aspect of the film is the slow realisation that you paid for the privilege of seeing it.

melekalikimaka

i loved it. simple, funny, kept me interested all way through.

constitutionus

just back from this myself and i thought it was great craic.

if ya liked van helsing youll like this. its a good ol fashioned trashy actioner. i thought the effects were great and the 3D was brilliant.

NOT something i ususally say as i cant stand the fad but theres no 2D option.

the openning and closing credits use it to great effect and it had the first "jump" moment for me from that format since underworld awakening.

its strange that now that i think of it the trashy end of the cinema seems to do the 3D thing better than the premium league. abraham lincoln vampire hunter was the last to do better in my eyes.

i got exactly what i expected from this and give it a good 6 out of 10.

as an aside. sweet mother of jesus is famke jansen hot

JP Liz V1

My favourite character was Edward the troll I agree about some of the scenes just being cut short

I was waiting for twist at the end with maybe Gretel to turn into a bad witch and battle Hansel and he had more sexual chemistry with his sister imo than his so called love interest the red haired witch

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter was much better

Phony Scott

Despite the awful reviews... I kinda enjoyed it. Good gory fun and very silly. I don't think it takes itself nearly as seriously as Resident Evil or Underworld, but if you like them in any way, you should like this.