Male regrets, career choices...

HellFireClub

This is an interesting one for the lads... Recently, (I'm 35 years old by the way), I've been looking at my career and although I'm not old by any means, I've been looking back to the days where I'd have been messing in school, (and by Jasus did I mess!), not giving a fúck really about anything other than earning a few quid in my auld lads business in the summer months, getting through college from Sept-June and going out with the girl I was with at the time.

But fast forward 15-20 years, and it's like I've a different head on my shoulders. When I left school, I just drifted into college in a field that I basically followed my auld lad into, I thought I had a strong interest in this field at the time (it's motor industry related), but I hate it now, and have more or less decided to go back and study law at night.

Just wondering do any other lads around my own age, late 20's, early-mid 30's, have these kind of regrets that are now being acted upon in terms of now setting out a new career path for yourself,a and are experiencing this kind of a "reawakening" in relation to their career choices that were made back in the days of school?

I reckon (and this is why I posted this thread in this forum), that a lot of this is driven by the male need (more so at this age than in the late teens, early 20's), to be a good provider, to be in a more stable and long term sustainable income situation, to be somewhat successful at things rather than just sauntering through life aimlessly doing something that I've just always been doing), etc. I have to add there that I don't actually have a partner at the moment or any dependents, so the "to be a good provider" comment I just made above has to be viewed in that context, but I do feel that if I did have a wife & kids, or even just a girlfriend, I'd rather be doing something that I'd be a lot more happier doing, than what I'm currently involved with, work wise. The same obviously stands true, even if I remain a single lad, I'd still rather be doing something completely different for self fulfillment purposes, but the feeling would seem a lot stronger if others were depending on me, especially kids.

Often when I've discussed this lately with friends, I get told, "you are obviously not happy within yourself" if you need to do things for other people, but I stand by what I've said, that if I had kids, I'd prefer to be doing something different than what I am currently doing.

Hardonraging

Early 30's here, thinking about a change, but maybe not just yet, a year or two down the road.
It's inevitably a big decision no mater what you decide.

lostlad

So your 35, single no kids and fancy a career change...go for it man!:)

If your situation was 35 married, 3 children, big mortgage and stuck in a job you hate..then it might be a hard choice to make.

discus

HellFireClub wrote: »

Just wondering do any other lads around my own age, late 20's, early-mid 30's, have these kind of regrets that are now being acted upon in terms of now setting out a new career path for yourself,a and are experiencing this kind of a "reawakening" in relation to their career choices that were made back in the days of school?

Yeah, but I preempted it when I was just finished college. I got my degree and walked into a job in the area, with fairly decent pay. As a job, it would make me a "good provider" in the future, but I always had a voice in my head that told me I needed to do something different, or else I'd wake up at 35, locked into a mortgage and working to make sure my potential wife and children will never go without.

So I decided to join an army for a few years as a scientist... And then volunteered for one of the commando regiments. It's ****ing hard graft, but I feel that if I get my 4 years of this out of the way, these experiences will be mental reassurance as I get to 30 and remember how hard it was, and how lucky I am (provided I'm in some comfortable, warm sciency job when I leave the army :pac:)

HellFireClub

lostlad wrote: »

So your 35, single no kids and fancy a career change...go for it man!:)

If your situation was 35 married, 3 children, big mortgage and stuck in a job you hate..then it might be a hard choice to make.

Recently a mate said to me, (this mate is 5 years older than me and married with several kids), that if he was in my shoes, he'd be out of here without a second thought, as in a complete change of scenery, maybe charity work in Africa or working in Australia, etc. I've not really been bitten by that bug I have to say, but I'm in the mood recently to carry out some major career surgery and for once in my life, I can honestly say I have the maturity, determination and resolve, (all the things I was lacking in my formative school years) to go at something afresh and I have the sense of myself at this stage to know what I actually want to go at...

ongarboy

I'm a similar age to you and I've been in the same job for the last 12 years. I've been promoted several times and I'm on a very decent salary with great pension/free health insurance/discounted travel etc and guess what? I just handed in my notice a few weeks ago! I won't say I hated my job per se but for years I have been very discontent and there were some parts of the job I very much disliked. The problem was I had absolutely no passion for this job or the particular industry for a very long time and felt that I only have one chance in life so I wanted to spend the remainder of my working life doing something that gives me more satisfaction. What that is, I still don't know. This may involve going back to college, starting from scratch if needs be and/or taking on a brand new career change. I may very well after a few months see things with a different perspective and consider returning to my industry with a new or rejuvinated passion.

I don't actually have a replacement job to go to and some might say I'm mad doing this in a recession but this was something I needed to do and I felt the only way to do it was jump outside my comfort zone. Importantly, I do not have any dependants nor will this be a consideration for me or my partner in the future as otherwise, I don't think I would have jumped ship like that so the need to provide as per your post is not a deciding factor for me. I also have funds to back me up for the short term which can also be very much a deciding factor obviously!

I guess maybe to kind of answer your question, I have no regrets about the 12+ years I spent in my current industry/role even if it wasn't truly the "right" one for me. I gained valuable experience in a working environment of a big multinational corporate, interacting with people on a professional basis and numerous business skills that I will carry into any new occupation/career. I plan to do a bit of travelling also in the interim. To quote your mates, I was not happy within myself, so I needed to make this change. 3 weeks later, I still have no regrets and feel a lot of weight has lifted off my shoulders. I'm not saying such drastic measures is right for everyone but it is right for me right now. Who knows, I may live to regret it at some point in the future but I cannot have my life dictated by fear of what ifs.

Sorry for the rambling but to summarise, I don't think you are ever too old (certainly not at 35) to make a change if you are not happy in your current situation. So many times I ignored my gut instinct but for once I have followed it and will trust it. I hope you do the same.

Diapason

I think part of the problem here is the sense that you're meant to have things "sorted" by the time you're this age (I'm 36, so I know the feeling too) and it feels like people will think you're mad if you decide sod it, I'm not happy, I'm doing something else. But to me, that's the smart decision to make, and you're not doing potential kids or wives any good by being miserable in your life. You have the advantage of not even having too many ties, nor too many people to provide for as things stand, so you're pretty free.

So, basically, I say do whatever you want to do. You're 35, it's not old, go to it!

HellFireClub

Diapason wrote: »

I think part of the problem here is the sense that you're meant to have things "sorted" by the time you're this age (I'm 36, so I know the feeling too) and it feels like people will think you're mad if you decide sod it, I'm not happy, I'm doing something else. But to me, that's the smart decision to make, and you're not doing potential kids or wives any good by being miserable in your life. You have the advantage of not even having too many ties, nor too many people to provide for as things stand, so you're pretty free.

So, basically, I say do whatever you want to do. You're 35, it's not old, go to it!

It's not that I'm miserable per sé, but the kind of person I am, I need to be fulfilled with whatever it is I am doing and at the moment, and at the moment, I'm not. I'm not cocky but i do know I am capable of so much more than what I am currently fánnying around at, I certainly wish I had the maturity as a younger lad to foresee what I would have been good at and had a strong interest in, but sure that's life, it's the experience of life that teaches you these things.

iptba

Best of luck to anyone who makes a career change.

I remember reading that men in the UK work twice as many hours as women over their lifetime - and that's in a country with a high female work participation rate. Men often don't have that many years left after they retire (particularly years in good health) so best to be spending all that time working doing something you like, if possible.

seachto7

HellFireClub

Great thread. I am in the exact same position as you, and the same age! Interesting replies here.....

the_syco

I always wanted to be in the army. Unfortunately, I failed the hearing test when I tried to join the FCA when I was 17, so that was the end of that.

Went into what I enjoyed doing, which was computers. So far so good, and at 30, I'd say I'll be in the computer area for the rest of my working life, but I just haven't really found an area in computers that I love doing; I like what I do atm, but would prefer to find something I'd be more passionate about. Finding what that is ain't really happening, but onwards and upwards, as the saying goes.

seachto7

Is it true, though, that some people will have passions that will never be work related, and that's just the way it is.....

Snowie

hey Op...

Im 30 no degree and no real qualifications a couple of city and guilds, course's... I was in college how ever I don't feel the education establishment suits me, or nesscerilly has my best interest to the case.

How ever I've found threw the education what I want to do and don't nesscerilly
think I need to go further into education to achieve what and where I want some hard work and more hard work and maybe a few sacrifices will get me there.

So yep Im saving up for the next 4 months and moving to another part of the world in the hope to do what it is I would love to do...

I think in life there are risks you can play it safe never be satisfied and always wonder what if..... I dont like what ifs.. so yep im taking a chance my self, I've got no dept no kids no gf sure what have I got to loose

Bad Panda

Hardonraging wrote: »

Early 30's here, thinking about a change, but maybe not just yet, a year or two down the road.
It's inevitably a big decision no mater what you decide.

Snap.

Hate my job now. Want to do something different altogether. Something a bit more creative. I don't care about money!

Edit: to a certain extent!

sozbox

Take a look here: http://escapethecity.org/

Plenty of people in your position, life's too short to live it the way you are 'told' you should. You should define success for yourself not measure yourself against society's perceived view of success.

Rossin

a friend of mine always says that.... he's been on the dole for years hoping to one day to find his "dream career", it bugs the life out of me!

I don't hate work but i don't believe there's a realistic dream job out there for me, I'm working to provide a good life for myself and to be able to support friends/family if needs be.

my little brother has just finished his law degree and there's little or nothing for him & his friends to do but continue on studying for a few more years. i dont see how that could be anyone's dream! sorry for being negative, just wanted to show the flip side. i think watching people struggle the last few years has showed me the importance of having a decent job with a regular wage

by the way I did go back to college at 26 and just finished recently(30) and went straight into a job, i couldve picked plenty of courses that wouldve been closer to what id consider "dream career" paths, but I went with IT

i guess if you've financial support/savings etc to get you through years of college there's nothing really stopping you

liamhana

while I've had a bit of a varied career when I turned 30 I sort of decided that I was happier concentrating on making my 'home' life the best it possibly could - built a house/kids/new past times etc....the result has been that I've been far more relaxed in my career & its flourished. But at the same time I'm always conscious that the rest comes first & the job after.

offaly odonohue

Great thread.

OP i've got so much empathy for your situation, glided through college, worked in family business (which I took refuge in) saw myself as the 'hunter and gatherer' for my girlfrend. Went to college and studied the wrong thing (more of a hobby than a job - sport related) after sticking it out for as long as I could I withdrew from the course. Felt like a pretty big failure when that happened but threw myself in the family business to smother my real feelings.

I have not been happy in my job for some time and I eventually decided last year that I was going to try to go back to college. Being a 'celtic tiger kid' it was easy for me to explain why I worked in the family business and that I had no other options (mortgage and a lot of debt). I've always felt that I am more capable and that I'd like a career and an identity of my own, no more of the 'oh yeah you're so and so's son'.

So I decided that i'd take the plunge restructured most if not all of my debt and saved to go back to college, luckily i'm single and no dependants, because if I had there is no way i'd be doing this.
Got accepted for the college course about a month ago and can not wait to get going. I'll have to work part time and make a good few sacifices but I know it'll be worth it.

Go for it....stop making excuses not to do it, start make excuses to do it!

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

I'm 26 BTW

fly_agaric

HellFireClub wrote: »

But fast forward 15-20 years, and it's like I've a different head on my shoulders. When I left school, I just drifted into college in a field that I basically followed my auld lad into, I thought I had a strong interest in this field at the time (it's motor industry related), but I hate it now, and have more or less decided to go back and study law at night.

Just wondering do any other lads around my own age, late 20's, early-mid 30's, have these kind of regrets that are now being acted upon in terms of now setting out a new career path for yourself,a and are experiencing this kind of a "reawakening" in relation to their career choices that were made back in the days of school?

Yes am feeling that also for the last year or 2 but unsure what to do tbh. I was an eternal student so already have alot of (too much?) education (4th level) but do not work in the field I studied. The job I have is not exactly what I wanted to do (& quite crap I suppose) but at least they pay me money to turn up.

I do get depressed about not working at the stuff I expended (wasted??) so much time + effort studying [should really have left college sooner to get a job or else left the country all together but did not have the guts]. If I was giving someone younger advice I'd say don't make the error of spending too much time in college (no more than 4-6 years) unless you already know you want to be a teacher/lecturer/academic or something like that (suppose I could add doctor to that list also).

Go + get a job first (even if not related to your degree) then go back later to do more study if necessary

the_syco

fly_agaric wrote: »

I was an eternal student so already have alot of (too much?) education (4th level) but do not work in the field I studied.

What field is it, btw?

fly_agaric wrote: »

Go + get a job first (even if not related to your degree) then go back later to do more study if necessary

Meh. Most people find it harder to study at a later stage, even if at night.

retroactive

Career changes and introspection prompted this

http://www.thejournal.ie/ucd-graduate-alternative-cv-540136-Jul2012/?utm_source=facebook_self&utm_medium=thejournal&utm_campaign=from_page

HellFireClub

fly_agaric wrote: »

Go + get a job first (even if not related to your degree) then go back later to do more study if necessary

Where did I say I didn't have a job?

frii

27
Absoloutely regret quiting University to work in Entertainment industry.
Now trying to learn what I like and I'm good at. Programming.

crackcrack30

If you love what you do you'll never work a day in our life.......But... the luxury of doing what you love usually comes with some sacrafice, at least at some stage........

I believe that we (men) should be initally educated for two careers, first one as a recession proof job and the other as a desired career i also believe that the army should have play a part in secondary schools eg history, geography, pe. especially in disadvantaged areas

fly_agaric

the_syco wrote: »

What field is it, btw?

Did science (materials), then a phd, then 1 year of postdoc research...was about 6 years ago now so not my "field" any more.

the_syco wrote: »

Meh. Most people find it harder to study at a later stage, even if at night.

true but it was easy for me to get comfortable + stay in college too long.

HellFireClub wrote:

Where did I say I didn't have a job?

Sorry about that. Although I quoted your post, I was rambing about my own history and spouting out words of wisdom like an old fart. It was not addressed to you in particular!

Strawberry Fields

Good thread, I am 31 today, similar situation, went back to study Law, nearly through. I'm like a different person to when I was younger. I seem to have changed over time. I'm glad I went out and partied from teens to mid twenties but it became time to cop on, mature.

HellFireClub

godeas16 wrote: »

Good thread, I am 31 today, similar situation, went back to study Law, nearly through. I'm like a different person to when I was younger. I seem to have changed over time. I'm glad I went out and partied from teens to mid twenties but it became time to cop on, mature.

That's exactly how I feel.

Gidon

24 here at the moment, did psychology for two years. I quit it after I realized that the job aspect was not really to my liking. Switched to programming after.
Though you could say I made a respectably fast decision to switch, I do feel that it was a bit of a waste to do psych for two years only to end up switching. I am quite a bit younger than most of the other gentlemen in this thread, but it's still something that I think about once in a while, you know? But thankfully, now I know that I am moving on in a positive manner career wise.

Wompa1

27 now. In my 6th year working in IT. I've been very lucky and have had great success but it's come at a cost. I've neglected girlfriends in favor of work, worked long hours and spent a lot of time doing my own research and study outside of work. I've now got arthritus in both of my wrists. I moved to America because it's been one of my goals, just to experience it. Now I'm left questioning my career path. Sitting at a desk all day isn't graft like construction, I know that but it's a mental drain and it's physically terrible for your health, I wake up most morning with stiffness in my joints and pain.

I'm thinking of keeping at this pace for 3 or 4 more years and then getting out. I also want to move back to Ireland some time next year.

Knex*

godeas16 wrote: »

Good thread, I am 31 today, similar situation, went back to study Law, nearly through. I'm like a different person to when I was younger. I seem to have changed over time. I'm glad I went out and partied from teens to mid twenties but it became time to cop on, mature.

Belated happy birthday

I'm in my early twenties and about to enter my final year of a primarily IT based course. Currently finishing up a 6 month internship in NY, which has been fantastic, but as of yet I still do not know if this is the career for me. Will stick at if for another few years I would think, job prospects and money are good and on top of that, I'm quite good at what I do. However, I want to travel and do not want to waste my youth and look back in a few years and think, "Damn, should of done that when i had the opportunity".

As for what I will do after, only time will tell I suppose. Good to read about everyone's experiences with regard to not being afraid to switch career and have it work out for you.

B.A._Baracus

Interesting post op
I feel like I wasted many years doing nothing. Only starting to cop-on a little now.


Question, where does one study law at night?

*edit*
Just googled. 4,000 euro for some of the part time courses. steep.