Did you ever have to break up with someone you still love?

Kimia

Hey ladies - inspired from the heartbreak thread, just wondering if anyone has ever broken up with someone that they are still in love with?

I am going through a very difficult time with my oh at the moment and although I love him to pieces, and am so unbelievably sick at the thoughts of not being with him (physically sick) - it may come to that.

Anyone have any stories to share?

christmas2012

no i never had that experience as i only go for losers and end up being severely dissapointed,ive learned recently..anyway if you still do love him you should try to get back with him though

Wibbs

Yes, but for different reasons. She had a great opportunity overseas handed to her, but she turned it down as she wanted to be with me. I broke it off so she could go. Which she did. Broke my heart at the time(loooong time ago now), but it was the right decision.

Kimia

How did you find the strength to do that? I feel logically that us breaking up is possibly the right thing to do but emotionally I want to fall apart when I think of not being with him.

Ella

Yup due to distance and we were both at different stages in our lives. Broke my heart but it had to be done.

Wibbs

Kimia wrote: »

How did you find the strength to do that?

I loved her, it was as simple as that really. I knew she would be in a better place in her life if I wasn't standing in te way. Not easy mind you.

Sonics2k

I broke up with a girl I was totally in love with some time ago.

We'd gotten together sometime after I separated from a long time partner, and had children with. When she got wind of my new relationship she gave me two choices, the woman I'd fallen in love with, or seeing my children. My ex knew it would be a horrible choice for me to make, but knew I'd never risk losing the kids.

Of course I absolutely panicked and ended it, if I'm honest it completely crushed my spirit because I knew we could of worked it all out and it took me the better part of a year to really get over her.

daenerysstormborn3

Well I don't still love the person now but when we broke up I did.

We met when he was in the process of relocating abroad. During our time together he sold his bikes, house, car, quit his job, the whole lot. We dated for about 6 months.

In the beginning we figured it would just be a casual thing but the longer it went on the more invested in the relationship we became. I ended up breaking up with him because (a) I didn't want to end up heartbroken and (b) I didn't want him to change his plans for me. It took me about 2 years to properly get over him.

Giselle

I was madly in love, and he cheated on me. We tried to give it a go as he wasn't fundamentally a bad person and I know he was deeply sorry, but the trust was gone and I knew there'd be no happiness without trust. It was for his sake too, as I'm not sure if any number of sorry's would have been enough, and that's no way to live for either of us.

So that was it. I couldn't face being without him, but I couldn't face being with him either. I was still in love for a long time after.

Mostly over it now, but its taken a long time and I try not to indulge the What If's or I'd go crazy.

Tigger99

I broke up with someone I loved deeply. It was so sad and hard but it was a very unhealthy relationship and something happened to finally make me say that enough was enough.

I repeatedly reminded myself of the reason/s I did it to stop me from going back to him. Even now I still have some feelings for him, but the peace I feel now keeps me from ever going back to him.

Tho sometimes I see him and all I want to do is hold him
Thankfully those feelings are getting fewer and far between.

Mc Kenzie

Aah op i'm in the same predicament which is why i posted the heartbreak thread as the guy i was with had to go back to his home country cos visa ect, you dont stop just loving someone cos of distance or break off, unfortunately we cannot turn off feelings. Im just taking this day at a time i. we are still in touch and i don't think there's a day that goes by without thinking of him. I dont know what will happen in the future but i know il be ok.

I hope things work out for you op, for the better what ever that is for you

shortie_chik

Yeah I've been there & it really really really sucks!

I went out with a guy for just over 3 years; after about a year & a half I realised he would never want to get married or have children. There was a 9 year age difference, & I knew he wasn't likely to change his mind. I was only 23 when we met, 24 when we got together, 25 when I made this realisation & just felt I was too young to rule these things out. The day I realised we didn't have a future, it silently broke my heart. We stayed together for another year & a half but over that time I had a few days of advance-grieving. Even though I was saying the words "we don't have a future together because we don't want the same things" out loud, he couldn't understand why I was so upset!!!

I loved him so much that I didn't want it to end, but I could see that if we stayed together, eventually I'd come to the point where I resented him. One day I woke up & realised "what am I waiting for?" Like a sign or something to tell me that today was the day to break up? So I did it that day. Out of the blue, was a bit of a shock to him & to me too. :eek: He asked the next day if there was any chance I'd changed my mind, but it was so hard to do once, I couldn't take it back & do it again in the future.

Was really hard to get over someone I still loved, & I know it's been tough for him too. Neither of us had done anything wrong, but it just wasn't going to work long-term. We've both moved on & are happy out now. We're in touch occasionally. He has a kid (:eek: MASSIVE surprise I reckon!) & I'm with my perfect match (who is definitely open to kids & marriage, hopefully with me! :rolleyes:)

cson

Sonics2k wrote: »

I broke up with a girl I was totally in love with some time ago.

We'd gotten together sometime after I separated from a long time partner, and had children with. When she got wind of my new relationship she gave me two choices, the woman I'd fallen in love with, or seeing my children. My ex knew it would be a horrible choice for me to make, but knew I'd never risk losing the kids.

Of course I absolutely panicked and ended it, if I'm honest it completely crushed my spirit because I knew we could of worked it all out and it took me the better part of a year to really get over her.

Without knowing the ins and outs of your story and going by what you've posted there; what a bitter bitch your ex partner must be to make you choose like that.

Some people.

LegacyUser

Met a girl way back when I was a bit younger. We quickly hit it off but there was a large distance between us (countries).
Still we would chat for ages on the phone all the time and meet up every so often. Really got on well. Goosebumps type stuff everytime we met. First love!
But I wasn't really confident in myself and somehow convinced myself that she would be better off without me. It's strange even thinking back on it, the way I was thinking. Told her over the phone that we shouldn't be together (distance thing meaning it had to be phone). I was actually delighted to get the phone call out of the way. But it was a difficult time after. We chatted a couple of times. She told me I broke her heart. It wasn't long until I realised I had broke my own too.
Thought about her every single day for about 2 years or more. And a lot after that! Can remember thinking that if there was any sort of a God looking down, I would end up with her. It was hard. Bloody hard. And I had done the breaking up!! Tut tut.

I was passing her country a couple of years later and out of the blue contacted her and asked if she wanted to meet. She did but I got robbed before I could get there and was forced to come home. We were over it all by then but it would have been nice to meet. And who knows I suppose. I disappointed her again (I don't even know if she believed that I was robbed) but I sort of took it as a sign and left her alone.


I consoled myself since all that by saying that the distance thing wouldn't have worked anyway. But I always wished that we hadn't met until I was a bit older (with a bit more sense).

It has been a long time now but she still drifts into my thoughts every now and again. Last I heard (years ago) was that she was engaged. I'm in a long term relationship now too and happy.


First love eh!? Bloody hell!

She will always have a place in my heart. Hope she's happy.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Honey-ec

Yep, I walked away from my marriage last year while still utterly head over heels in love with my husband. He wanted kids and I didn't and that's pretty much the ultimate deal-breaker in any relationship. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but there really *was* no other choice I could have made.

Tbh, it will probably haunt me for the rest of my life to some degree, but there was no other path for us, really. I wasn't going to have a baby I've never wanted just to keep him. People find it very hard to understand that I was willing to walk away from the man I loved over such a "trivial" issue, and some people are definitely of the "Well she can't have loved him that much, then" frame of mind. But fcuk them. They will never, ever know the soul-searching and heartache (so bad it was like a physical pain sometimes) that I went through before coming to that decision.

Neyite

Honey-ec, I'd never think of your reason as trivial at all. Its a massive decision and commitment to have a baby, and you are wise enough to recognise that and are self aware enough to know its not for you.

Plenty of men and women dont think it through enough, and seem to consider a baby some sort of accessory they "should" have - not because they particularly want one but because its expected of them and all their friends are having them.

If people consider you splitting due to differing over the baby issue trivial, it says more about them than you or your ex.

RacoonQueen

Neyite wrote: »

Honey-ec, I'd never think of your reason as trivial at all. Its a massive decision and commitment to have a baby, and you are wise enough to recognise that and are self aware enough to know its not for you.

Plenty of men and women dont think it through enough, and seem to consider a baby some sort of accessory they "should" have - not because they particularly want one but because its expected of them and all their friends are having them.

If people consider you splitting due to differing over the baby issue trivial, it says more about them than you or your ex.

And I think agreeing to have a baby when you don't want one is a much bigger sacrifice than wanting kids and agreeing not to have them. Don't know what I'd do in that situation, not sure I'll ever want kids myself so could very well end up there.

Maple

Yes. I wanted children and he didn't. It wasn't that I wanted them at that precise moment in time but I didn't want to think that they were off the table forever.

So I ended it. It was heart rending. I had honestly believed that this was the man for me and that we'd be together forever.

I knew it was the best decision for me but I was terribly torn. That conversation was one of the most difficult I've ever had.

But it was the best decision. And now that I'm a few years further down the road from having made that decision, I know it was the best one for me.

And not to diss him but once I got some time and distance, I knew that the relationship never deserved to be on the pedestal that I had put it on.

iluvcake

Sonics2k wrote: »

I broke up with a girl I was totally in love with some time ago.

We'd gotten together sometime after I separated from a long time partner, and had children with. When she got wind of my new relationship she gave me two choices, the woman I'd fallen in love with, or seeing my children. My ex knew it would be a horrible choice for me to make, but knew I'd never risk losing the kids.

Of course I absolutely panicked and ended it, if I'm honest it completely crushed my spirit because I knew we could of worked it all out and it took me the better part of a year to really get over her.

^^^^ This sounds very much like my situation a few years ago!
Met a lovely guy, went out for a few months, loved him like crazy...then, found out he was married (himself and his wife were on a trial separation while I was with him) and that he was ending things with me to go back to his wife and kids. It's been a few years down the line and I still can't get over the whole thing. Sometimes I wish I could hate him for what happened but I still love him and probably always will.:(

JuliaJones

I was with my ex boyfriend for 11 years when we had baby who died at 6wks old, I loved him as much at the end as I had at any point but we just couldn't move past it together, even now years later it hurts to see him or think about it, he is and was the love of my life, but it hurts too much for us to be together

LegacyUser

Maple wrote: »

Yes. I wanted children and he didn't. It wasn't that I wanted them at that precise moment in time but I didn't want to think that they were off the table forever.

So I ended it. It was heart rending. I had honestly believed that this was the man for me and that we'd be together forever.

I knew it was the best decision for me but I was terribly torn. That conversation was one of the most difficult I've ever had.

I could have written this myself word for word just this month, but that it wasn't a single conversation but many incredibly difficult ones. The heartache is hard to describe and it's a question of taking one day at a time. I'd agree with Neyite - it's one of the least trivial reasons to break up with someone!

Maple wrote: »

But it was the best decision. And now that I'm a few years further down the road from having made that decision, I know it was the best one for me.

And not to diss him but once I got some time and distance, I knew that the relationship never deserved to be on the pedestal that I had put it on.

I'm hoping that in time, I'll be writing this part too ^^^

Maple

SameDecision wrote: »

Maple wrote: »

Yes. I wanted children and he didn't. It wasn't that I wanted them at that precise moment in time but I didn't want to think that they were off the table forever.

So I ended it. It was heart rending. I had honestly believed that this was the man for me and that we'd be together forever.

I knew it was the best decision for me but I was terribly torn. That conversation was one of the most difficult I've ever had.

I could have written this myself word for word just this month, but that it wasn't a single conversation but many incredibly difficult ones. The heartache is hard to describe and it's a question of taking one day at a time. I'd agree with Neyite - it's one of the least trivial reasons to break up with someone!

Maple wrote: »

But it was the best decision. And now that I'm a few years further down the road from having made that decision, I know it was the best one for me.

And not to diss him but once I got some time and distance, I knew that the relationship never deserved to be on the pedestal that I had put it on.

I'm hoping that in time, I'll be writing this part too ^^^

Yep, I definitely oversimplified my story.

There were more conversations than that one and bless him,,he tried to meet me half way with talk of marriage etc.

But while I knew he loved me desperately, this wasn't what he wanted and I didn't want to be in a situation where we were both unhappy so I gave it some more time, as he requested, but the end result was still the same.

I wish you all the best. I know how heartsore you're feeling but one day you will wake up and it won't be so raw anymore.

CathyMoran

I broke up with someone who while I really loved him I did not feel that he treated me well enough (he was very tight with money for example and I was scared of his temper).

I am happily married to a lovely kind good looking man for over 5 years and I do not regret my decision.

Sarah**

I think when you know it isn't on track or that you guys just arn't good for eachother, deep down you know what you have to do.

At Christmas time I broke up with my bf at the time after two and half years of happiness and absolute torture. The jealous and possesive nature I found endearing at the beginning became over powering. We loved eachother so much it hurt but we couldnt make it work. He couldn't trust me and never would, despite claiming he would try.

We have since met up and can still feel the love between us but it's heartbreaking as we would never work. It's sad because I think you at one point consider settling for this less than perfect life. It was at that point I knew I couldn't come home from work worried anymore of the accusations I would face. He was an amazing guy but I just wasnt the girl for him and nor he the guy for me.

You will figure it out. Sometimes it's just not meant to be....

Fiona

Wibbs wrote: »

I loved her, it was as simple as that really. I knew she would be in a better place in her life if I wasn't standing in te way. Not easy mind you.

As the saying goes if you love somebody set them free.

Ave Sodalis

Yes. My ex spent a few days hinting and hinting that he wasn't happy and in the end, I broke up with him since he was too cowardly to do it himself. He ran off with one of his female friends the very next day and since I was the one that broke up with him (I was tired of his misery), I got very little support from friends etc.

I hurt, it hurt a lot but I'm over him now and no longer love him. I'm still angry with him though...

I did.

It was my first boyfriend, I had been with him since I was 15 and at 18 I knew I had to end it. He didn't treat me well and we had one of those typical teen relationships. Way too intense, fighting, breaking up and making up, feeling like the world was ending if we had a tiff. We were both too emotionally fragile and he was too immature to be in a relationship.

It seems fine now, I talked to him a few years after we broke up and there were no hard feelings, and I don't regret breaking up, but neither do I regret the time we did spend together. As much as now I'd see it as a young thing that I'm over now, at the time, it really did break my heart to leave him.

It was definitely for the best.

shortie_chik

sup_dude wrote: »

Yes. My ex spent a few days hinting and hinting that he wasn't happy and in the end, I broke up with him since he was too cowardly to do it himself. He ran off with one of his female friends the very next day and since I was the one that broke up with him (I was tired of his misery), I got very little support from friends etc.
I hurt, it hurt a lot but I'm over him now and no longer love him. I'm still angry with him though...

I have that same t-shirt! Cowardly ex who began carrying on like an a$$hole, wouldn't just break up with me because he doesn't want to be the bad guy, so drove me to it instead. Oh and yes, hooked up with a work colleague about 3 days later, right under my nose! Cheers! :mad:

Well I suppose it made it easier to get over him than if he'd handled it properly! :rolleyes:

Even though this was YEARS ago, when I bumped into him for the first time since, in March, he couldn't even look me in the eye. GOOD! :mad: (wish there was a hissing spitting scowling emoticon! )

beks101

Most of my exes are non-Irish and I met while living abroad in various places, so I've dealt with the heartbreak of ending things with someone when it seems to go against all your natural instincts, because of the distance thing.

I did it with two American exes because it was just geographically impossible. I was going back to my life in Ireland and there was going to be an ocean between us and we knew the inevitable was coming, but it still hit like an emotional avalanche each time.

The second time I was in deep and it ripped the heart out of my chest. We said our goodbyes and I walked around downtown San Francisco openly weeping hysterically, nearly drew a crowd

You'd think I'd learn my lesson and yet here I am, years later, falling in love with a Canadian knowing that I won't be here forever.

The heart really is a mysterious thing.

Eve_Dublin

beks101 wrote: »

Most of my exes are non-Irish and I met while living abroad in various places, so I've dealt with the heartbreak of ending things with someone when it seems to go against all your natural instincts, because of the distance thing.

I did it with two American exes because it was just geographically impossible. I was going back to my life in Ireland and there was going to be an ocean between us and we knew the inevitable was coming, but it still hit like an emotional avalanche each time.

The second time I was in deep and it ripped the heart out of my chest. We said our goodbyes and I walked around downtown San Francisco openly weeping hysterically, nearly drew a crowd

You'd think I'd learn my lesson and yet here I am, years later, falling in love with a Canadian knowing that I won't be here forever.

The heart really is a mysterious thing.

Why couldn't it be forever though?

beks101

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Why couldn't it be forever though?

Good question. I guess I never planned, and still don't plan on being here longterm. It just doesn't feel 'home' to me, as much of an adventure as it's been.

We have spoken about moving elsewhere together as he's intent on travelling, really wants to see Europe and is in love with New York like me. But it's still relatively early days and feels weird to be planning too much while we're still at the getting-to-know-each-other stage.

I suppose I'm also a bit practical-minded about my life and am sceptical to make decisions based on romance given some past experiences. But I still have a year to go before any decisions are made. A lot can happen in a year.

* Jesus, life story much?

Eve_Dublin

beks101 wrote: »

Good question. I guess I never planned, and still don't plan on being here longterm. It just doesn't feel 'home' to me, as much of an adventure as it's been.

We have spoken about moving elsewhere together as he's intent on travelling, really wants to see Europe and is in love with New York like me. But it's still relatively early days and feels weird to be planning too much while we're still at the getting-to-know-each-other stage.

I suppose I'm also a bit practical-minded about my life and am sceptical to make decisions based on romance given some past experiences. But I still have a year to go before any decisions are made. A lot can happen in a year.

* Jesus, life story much?

Jaysus you'd be the total opposite to me, then. I'd be very much driven by the heart. You sound mad about this fella though from what you've posted around Boards. Go with it with an open mind, I'd say. Don't write it off without seeing what happens.

beks101

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

You sound mad about this fella though from what you've posted around Boards. Go with it with an open mind, I'd say. Don't write it off without seeing what happens.

Totally. He wins me over more and more every day.

I guess the heart/head business is tricky and my instincts are completely the same as yours...I just tend not to trust that as much, maybe as I've been independent and single so long before him. Got used to making practical decisions for myself.

He's a gem though. The thoughts of being apart are slightly scary.