Having Sex

christ on a bike!

Having sex is brilliant, I've done it a couple of times and am comfortable enough with it at this stage

Do you find that the aul porn has given you messed up expectations though?
Now I wasn't completely naked except for a pair of runners and her arse cocked towards the corner of the bed and one of my arms behind my back or anything, and I was quite happy with missionary once and herself on top the next.

But I kept wondering should I be shouting and groaning but obviously i shouldn't, nor should I want to be putting my tadpoles anywhere else but the little bag.

But still thought about it a fair bit, I wonder what the younger generation will be expecting with all the sodomy and filth on the net, which I love

The worse thing about porn is that even the amateurs think they are pron stars now, all this groaning and heavy breathing, sucking in every breath through the lips etc
My folks were very sexual people but I never heard them do it like that

Do you think you'd be better off just closing your eyes and feeling it whilst riding or should you have your eyes wide open to give yourself a good show?

Smidge

:eek:

Insect Overlord

General General

Mrs. usually reads a magazine.

Zebra3

christ on a bike! wrote: »

Do you think you'd be better off just closing your eyes and feeling it whilst riding or should you have your eyes wide open to give yourself a good show?

Best to look at yourself in the mirror while going at, flex the guns and all.

Gummy Panda

You should do bicep poses into the mirror while riding her.

Kristopherus

Try getting on the bike without the saddle. Then you'll scream & groan:D:D:D:D:D

Washington Irving

Y'wha?

Diego Maradona

christ on a bike! wrote: »

My folks were very sexual people but I never heard them do it like that

You listened to your folks having sex?

cruais

Down with that sort of thing...

starbelgrade

christ on a bike! wrote: »

My folks were very sexual people but I never heard them do it like that

Too... much... in... for.... mation.

Insect Overlord

Diego Maradona wrote: »

You listened to your folks having sex?

Well if you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family!

minidazzler

I've had sex too, and while most of it wasn't like in porn, some of it can be. But only if you act like the guys from facial abuse.

gammygils

General General wrote: »

Mrs. usually reads a magazine.

My missus reading '50 Shades Of Grey'

Thatnastyboy

Theres a thing called dirty sex too OP,

it's not all awkward eye contact and shame you know :pac:

westendgirlie

Well this thread has certainly taking the excitement away from the "Whats the song" thread

"Ride me sideways" was another one.

Smidge

Do people really think that "real life" sex is the same as porn??????




Would be a helluva lot of bow-legged women walking around if that were the case

christ on a bike!

Ah c'mon folks, you'd swear it was a bad thing, is that the aul Catholic repression or what?

I even remember when Pammy Anderson and Tommy Lee got married and had their kid, they used to have sex in the room with him cos it was a beautiful thing and nothing to be ashamed about

Anyway, we're getting side tracked.
What's the proper way to have sex is all I need to know?

Every time I google it I just get someone trying to sell me pills to make my dick bigger

Chuck Stone

One day imma gonna be a virgin.. one day.

Washington Irving

Deleted User wrote: »

"Ride me sideways" was another one.

From the neighbours having sex thread:

kfallon wrote: »

Ride me sideways was another one :pac:

How coincidental...

ToddyDoody

If its the partners pleasure thats the issue, you can email a standardised sexual preference questionaire in advance of any anticipated sex.

harvester of sorrow

christ on a bike! wrote: »

Having sex is brilliant, I've done it a couple of times and am comfortable enough with it at this stage

Do you find that the aul porn has given you messed up expectations though?
Now I wasn't completely naked except for a pair of runners and her arse cocked towards the corner of the bed and one of my arms behind my back or anything, and I was quite happy with missionary once and herself on top the next.

But I kept wondering should I be shouting and groaning but obviously i shouldn't, nor should I want to be putting my tadpoles anywhere else but the little bag.

But still thought about it a fair bit, I wonder what the younger generation will be expecting with all the sodomy and filth on the net, which I love

The worse thing about porn is that even the amateurs think they are pron stars now, all this groaning and heavy breathing, sucking in every breath through the lips etc
My folks were very sexual people but I never heard them do it like that

Do you think you'd be better off just closing your eyes and feeling it whilst riding or should you have your eyes wide open to give yourself a good show?

Not at all,chicks love it when you spit on their rasher and drive the old purple headed yoghurt chucker home,and then pull it out and bust a nut all over her face,leaving her with a sticky chin omlette.If porn has taught me anything its that chicks love that kind of carry on.

cruais

christ on a bike! wrote: »

Ah c'mon folks, you'd swear it was a bad thing, is that the aul Catholic repression or what?

I even remember when Pammy Anderson and Tommy Lee got married and had their kid, they used to have sex in the room with him cos it was a beautiful thing and nothing to be ashamed about

Anyway, we're getting side tracked.
What's the proper way to have sex is all I need to know?

Every time I google it I just get someone trying to sell me pills to make my dick bigger

Did your parents have sex while you slept in the same room too? :eek: durty!

DEFTLEFTHAND

Not so thinly veiled I'm getting action thread.

Bloodwing

christ on a bike! wrote: »

Anyway, we're getting side tracked.
What's the proper way to have sex is all I need to know?

Every time I google it I just get someone trying to sell me pills to make my dick bigger

Your not googling the right thing so. There's a great video out there in which two girls show you exactly how it should be done. The only "prop" you'll need is a regular cup from the kitchen.

Saul-Goode9

Saul-Goode9 wrote: »

From the neighbours having sex thread:



How coincidental...

It's almost like I'm not the only person who's seen Father Ted.

starbelgrade

christ on a bike! wrote: »

What's the proper way to have sex is all I need to know?

I've just written a guide for you. It's called:

The Smiley Face Guide to Having Proper Sex

When you see a girl you like, you act cool like this.. :cool:

When you want the ride, you do this face..

When she says no, you do this face... :mad:

When she agrees to it, you do this face...

When you're getting it on, you pull this face...

If you cum too soon, you pull this face...

The first time she gets dirty & sticks her finger up your butt, you'll pull this face... :eek:

The next time, it'll be this face... :pac:

And when you shoot your load, you'll lie back, have a smoke and be all..

Washington Irving

Deleted User wrote: »

It's almost like I'm not the only person who's seen Father Ted.

Exactly

christ on a bike!

starbelgrade wrote: »

I've just written a guide for you. It's called:

The Smiley Face Guide to Having Proper Sex

When you see a girl you like, you act cool like this.. :cool:

When you want the ride, you do this face..

When she says no, you do this face... :mad:

When she agrees to it, you do this face...

When you're getting it on, you pull this face...

If you cum too soon, you pull this face...

The first time she gets dirty & sticks her finger up your butt, you'll pull this face... :eek:

The next time, it'll be this face... :pac:

And when you shoot your load, you'll lie back, have a smoke and be all..

I love how there's a next time lol

Caveman1

The key to it is to watch porn with the OH so when you start doing strange things she actually thinks its normal :pac:

Brain Stroking

mishkalucy wrote: »

Do people really think that "real life" sex is the same as porn??????




Would be a helluva lot of bow-legged women walking around if that were the case

Attention people. Sack of spuds here

Smidge

starbelgrade wrote: »

I've just written a guide for you. It's called:

The Smiley Face Guide to Having Proper Sex

When you see a girl you like, you act cool like this.. :cool:

When you want the ride, you do this face..

When she says no, you do this face... :mad:

When she agrees to it, you do this face...

When you're getting it on, you pull this face...

If you cum too soon, you pull this face...

The first time she gets dirty & sticks her finger up your butt, you'll pull this face... :eek:

The next time, it'll be this face... :pac:

And when you shoot your load, you'll lie back, have a smoke and be all..

Which smiley covers the "nastier" things?
This :eek:

or

This:D
?

christ on a bike!

Caveman1 wrote: »

The key to it is to watch porn with the OH so when you start doing strange things she actually thinks its normal :pac:

I read a girls book before and got the impression that I should stare in her eyes the whole way through and tell her that I love her at the end whilst holding her in a twitching embrace

Yawn

Prefer to be telling her other end that that I loved it

Smidge

Brain Stroking wrote: »

Attention people. Sack of spuds here

lol

So you believe what you see in porn is an everyday occurrence IRL???

Ruski

I just leave it to herself whilst I tuck into a pack of King.

thenightrider

If you want to have better sex then you see in porn piss in side her she will love it she will go wild

dodderangler

I don't have the energy for this Thread tonight
Lol

Caveman1

christ on a bike! wrote: »

I read a girls book before and got the impression that I should stare in her eyes the whole way through and tell her that I love her at the end whilst holding her in a twitching embrace

Yawn

Prefer to be telling her other end that that I loved it

That's why we have mirrors in the bedroom

christ on a bike!

Anyone ever read their Mothers Jilly Cooper books?

starbelgrade

christ on a bike! wrote: »

I read a girls book before and got the impression that I should stare in her eyes the whole way through and tell her that I love her at the end whilst holding her in a twitching embrace

That's called the "epileptic position".

CodyJarrett

Keyboard's should have breathalyzers.

Brain Stroking

mishkalucy wrote: »

lol

So you believe what you see in porn is an everyday occurrence IRL???

I can only speak for myself darling

Esoteric_

Porn might give men unrealistic expectations, but all it gave me was very good ideas to keep my other half very happy.

spankysue

Ah, ya can't beat an oul fisting, surprise her with it, she'll love it.

Smidge

Brain Stroking wrote: »

I can only speak for myself darling

Ladies must love you

Bow chica wow wow

Mustache and all:pac:

Smidge

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Porn might give men unrealistic expectations, but all it gave me was very good ideas to keep my other half very happy.

Hope it didn't include DP;)

Esoteric_

mishkalucy wrote: »

Hope it didn't include DP;)

Ah here. One's an exit only, wtf do you take me for?!

tightropetom

mishkalucy wrote: »

Hope it didn't include DP;)

Or ATM...

policarp

In my day, having sex was waiting for puberty with a copy of The News of The World, and wondering why my brother locked himself into his room with only one page. .
Oh sorry that was waiting to have SEX.
Still waiting most times. . .

Smidge

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Ah here. One's an exit only, wtf do you take me for?!

That's what I like to hear;)

There are people out there who reckon this should be the new "Saturday night special":eek: