what you do after argument with your partner

nadey

hey boys and girls

i was just wondering what you you do after you had argument how do you calm down

who breaks the ice after wards

for me i would clean the house and do the washing or a long hot bath

i would have to talk to him first as i hate us not speaking and the sooner we kiss and make up the better

OakeyDokey

If it's not sorted out then and there I'd probably go mad cleaning such as yourself anything to keep the mind going, there's nothing worse than sitting and thinking because your brain goes through the process of anger first and then upset.

Breaking the ice after a fight is about 60/50 with me doing 60% of the initiating.

One thing I can not do is go to bed after a row, I have to sort it out before sleep or I just wont sleep.

nadey

OakeyDokey wrote: »

If it's not sorted out then and there I'd probably go mad cleaning such as yourself anything to keep the mind going, there's nothing worse than sitting and thinking because your brain goes through the process of anger first and then upset.

Breaking the ice after a fight is about 60/50 with me doing 60% of the initiating.

One thing I can not do is go to bed after a row, I have to sort it out before sleep or I just wont sleep.

im the same i can never go to sleep after a row i dont care how big the row is or even if the twat started it

kneemos

Defecate behind the couch.

SusieBlue

Depends on whether the argument was about something stupid or serious, but about 99.9% of our fights are about mundane things so I'll answer for that one.

We usually go into different rooms for 5-10 minutes to calm down, then leave it at that. I can sometimes be cold with him for a while after, I can't help it! So its one word answers, no eye contact, death stares etc.

Usually within half an hour of that I forget I was annoyed, or else he does, because he'll make me laugh and I'll forget I was angry

We never go to bed without resolving the issue. My mom always said it was the worst thing to do, because then the argument will span into the next day because you'll wake up angry!

kneemos

kneemos wrote: »

Defecate behind the couch.

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whoopsadaisydoodles

Das Kitty

If you haven't resolved the issue, technically you're still arguing!

I very rarely get wound up arguing these days, the only thing that really bothers me is when my husband won't communicate. Normally when we're done, we both have some changes to make so I'll see what I can do there and then.

Either that or hug it out. :pac:

Polloloca

DIY stitch him up after hitting him with every plate in the house.
I kid.

I hate fighting, it stresses me out and makes me overthink, which is the last thing I should be doing. I can be a bit of a fire ball but I blow up quickly and calm down quickly. It depends on the partner. If he's going to be the silent/ignore me type, I'll stay cold but if the blow out is ignored, I'll be the one to break the ice, generally. Wouldn't sleep on an arguement unless it was something terrible serious.

Wibbs

I've never bought into the men from mars/women from Venus stuff, but I have found(generalisation alert!!) that men and women tend to argue and resolve arguments differently. Men often reckon an argument is resolved when it's over. I've fallen into that one myself. They also want the argument to stop as much as resolve it. A kind of tendency to "I just want her to stop, so I'll say anything to stop it", rather than try and figure out why she's up to high do in the first place. The more emotional the argument the more this tends to be in play. A lot of men really can't deal with what they see as an emotional woman(tm). It really throws them, the silent treatment is often their way of avoiding dealing with it after initial attempts to diffuse, or they've been caught out bang to rights and figure saying nada is the best defence.

I reckon this diff is why you hear more men explain away a breakup as "sudden" and "out of the blue". I've found in the majority of cases the reason for the breakup has been argued about for a looong time before the split, but the guy didn't spot it. Like I say he figured the argument is over, therefore it's resolved.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

. Men often reckon an argument is resolved when it's over. .

This is me 99% of the time. Have my say and move on pretty much instantly. It would need to be a fairly big bust up for me to hold a grudge for anything more than an hour. I generally don't argue much anyway, I'm quite a calm "life's too short" kind of a person. I really don't see the point in fighting. It's a waste of time tbh.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

I've never bought into the men from mars/women from Venus stuff, but I have found(generalisation alert!!) that men and women tend to argue and resolve arguments differently. Men often reckon an argument is resolved when it's over. I've fallen into that one myself. They also want the argument to stop as much as resolve it. A kind of tendency to "I just want her to stop, so I'll say anything to stop it", rather than try and figure out why she's up to high do in the first place. The more emotional the argument the more this tends to be in play. A lot of men really can't deal with what they see as an emotional woman(tm). It really throws them, the silent treatment is often their way of avoiding dealing with it after initial attempts to diffuse, or they've been caught out bang to rights and figure saying nada is the best defence.

I reckon this diff is why you hear more men explain away a breakup as "sudden" and "out of the blue". I've found in the majority of cases the reason for the breakup has been argued about for a looong time before the split, but the guy didn't spot it. Like I say he figured the argument is over, therefore it's resolved.

hello i'm bluewolf and i'm a man
:pac:
don't like arguments, want them to stop and resolve them quickly
get annoyed or angry sure but it burns out very fast - can't manage it for long

FairytaleGirl

Im gay so theres two women in my relationship.

Its horrendous - Any fights with my ex turned into days long stand offs.

Arguing with another you - Imagine it!!

Double PMS/emotional overloads/bitchiness etc

Princess Peach

bluewolf wrote: »

hello i'm bluewolf and i'm a man
:pac:
don't like arguments, want them to stop and resolve them quickly
get annoyed or angry sure but it burns out very fast - can't manage it for long

I'm the exact same. I've only ever once had a blazing row with a boyfriend, and that was years ago.

Me and my current boyfriend have never had a fight. Sometimes one of us will say something stupid that upsets the other, but after a few minutes I'll just say lets forget it ever happened. Cause it was never a big deal and I just don't have the energy to argue about nothing.

I don't understand couples who bicker over every stupid thing, I know a few. It exhausts me to be around them!

Neyite

Maybe my partner and I are weird, but we have never had a fight in all the time we have been together - 8 years now. We have difficult discussions, and have gotten annoyed at each other, but never a bog-standard argument.

I think that firstly we are quite laid back. I dont sweat the small stuff, and neither does he. We also dont "expect" each other to do something, so for instance, 99% of the time he takes out the bins, but I dont consider it "his" job, so dont get annoyed if its sitting there needing to be emptied, I just do it, or if I cant lift it on my own, I ask him to help me.

We both had volatile exes, so right from the beginning I let him know that I was done with staying up half the night having big shouty arguments, and that I dont tolerate raised voices or namecalling- from anyone. He felt the very same and our discussions are focused on the situation, and how we can meet each other halfway. We are very respectful of how the other is feeling, even if we differ on it.

celtic-chick

I usually run off to the bathroom,have a cry,calm down,pull myself together.He would usually makes the first move(makes me laugh,say's something silly).I hate fighting & never go to bed without resolving it.It ends up been ten times worse the next day.

Scarinae

Well the last time we had an argument I decided he could feck off, drank lots of wine with my flatmate and attempted to build some Ikea furniture

As we're long distance though, usually we try to resolve arguments right after having them. There's no point in seething/sulking for days because he probably wouldn't notice! The fact that we communicate mostly by text means I've had to learn to be quite upfront when I'm annoyed about something, especially as the written word is easier to misinterpret than the spoken word.

Fluorescence

I don't have arguments... Whether that's a good or a bad thing I'm not sure :P Either way, I just can't communicate when I'm angry. I get incoherent and incomprehensible. So I can only properly speak when I've calmed down.

My long-time friend and I were discussing how we've never had a row in all the years we've known each other. We're undecided whether it's a pro or con of our relationship, but since neither of us hold grudges it's probably a positive thing. It's a drama-free friendship

Azureus

We don't argue much,but when we do they tend to be 10 minute bursts of frustration, cool off for a few minutes and make up with something silly/a joke/laugh and then can actually have a chat and resolve the issue (always something minor!).

Theres only one big argument I can think of and that was basically a your-wrong-im-right now go sleep on the couch for three days while I ignore you and you realise how great I am type situation. Not the textbook way to resolve something and not something I care to repeat but dammit it worked at the time

carolinespring

Married almost 9 years and together almost 13 and have never had a big row. We have p***ed each other off many times. Him, mainly by my mess around the house. He is a total neat freak. I have got very fed up by his family and him not telling them to take a hike.

Now I keep the mess to just my side of the bedroom, keep all cluter out of the sitting room, leave just a few books in the kitchen and he checked before he dumps mags/papers. I see as little of his folks as I can and don't give out about them to him (keep that for the girlfriends)

I get cranky when I can't sleep due to his snoring and ALWAYS point it out the next morning....

x Purple Pawprints x

I'm with my bf for just over a year and a half and we've never actually had a proper argument. We've had little tiffs that were resolved as soon as they'd started. We're both easy going (about most things..) so I'd like to think that we'd sit down and talk about the issue instead of arguing over it.

Eve_Dublin

I've got a temper and my fella doesn't. He's cool as a cucumber, so he's usually the one to come up with a logical solution to a difficulty while I lose the head. Doesn't happen often but when it does.....BOOM!! I almost always feel bad immediately and apologise. I know my temper is a fault of mine and there's usually no need for confrontation. I'm learning though....

evilmonkee

Wibbs wrote: »

I've never bought into the men from mars/women from Venus stuff, but I have found(generalisation alert!!) that men and women tend to argue and resolve arguments differently. .... figure saying nada is the best defence.

I've noticed this with my partner! If he knows he is wrong, or doesnt know how to respond, he says nothing! It just winds me up more, because I want it done and over with ASAP.

Most of the time though, I get annoyed over something stupid because I'm angry with other things, or flustered, and end up being a bit snappy at him.
Somethnig small such as:
him:"Where is the XXX?"
me:"In the press"
him:"which press?"
me:"the same one its always f*ck!ng in"

This is usually resolved as soon as I calm a little, he will just smile and laugh at me... It completely melts me that he is so kind to put up with it.... Then I apologise for being so childish.

analucija

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I've got a temper and my fella doesn't. He's cool as a cucumber, so he's usually the one to come up with a logical solution to a difficulty while I lose the head. Doesn't happen often but when it does.....BOOM!! I almost always feel bad immediately and apologise. I know my temper is a fault of mine and there's usually no need for confrontation. I'm learning though....

We both have tempers and quite often one of us erupts. But those are arguments which are resolved in three sentences. Even bigger arguments are usually resolved fairly quickly. We only sulk with each other for an hour or two although sometimes some issues repeat after couple of days, weeks or whenever the offence is repeated.

I don't believe in suffering in silence because I think it does more damage than a "loud discussion" every so often.

Siuin

The guy I'm dating can be pretty clueless when I drop not-so-subtle hints that I'm pissed off with him. Just the other week I was extremely angry at him (he had been embarrassingly stingy all weekend) and he kept trying to put his arm around me as we walked home so in the end I just turned to him and said very calmly; "I am trying by best not to get angry at you right now. Don't talk to me til we get home." Cue the longest 10 minute walk of my life and him looking me directly in the eyes in the elevator which made me burst into tears. When we reached the apartment we ended up talking the whole thing through. I wasn't entirely happy with the result, but played along in the end because he was leaving to go abroad for a week and I didn't want to leave things on a sour note.

Men. Pfft.

ihsb

We have been together nearly a year. We never resolve any of the issues, I don't know if we ever will. We are so polar opposite.

We end up just cuddling somehow and then kissing etc. It is just like we get tired and are fed up of fighting and then fall back together.

eviltwin

We rarely argue at all, we've been together 17 yrs and as we have grown up together we don't fight that much at all really. We seem to be on the same page with most things and are both very easy going which helps.

Ambersky

Hopefully have great make up sex.

The Big Red Button

Ambersky wrote: »

Hopefully have great make up sex.

See I don't get this at all!

I know couples who swear by it - who say that the fights are worth the make-up sex.

I absololutely hate fighting with anyone - and if it was my boyfriend, that would make it even worse! I'd be feeling like absolute crap afterwards - sex is the last thing I'd feel like!

I guess cuddles and chats would be my answer to the OP. Honestly I can't see myself ever being in a relationship where arguments were in any way a regular occurence. I just couldn't be happy in that sort of situation.

The Lovely Muffin

Together nearly a year with the boyfriend and we've never had an argument/row.

Sure we've had some problems, all couples do, but we resolved them and moved on from them.

Any issues that do come up for us we resolve them pretty quickly and move on, no point letting them drag on and potentially causing more trouble.

ibarelycare

My bf and I are terrible arguers...as in we're just not good at it We've been together about a year and 4 months, and we've never had a "big" argument. He's extremely laid back, whereas I can be a bit uptight about things and can get annoyed over silly things, but I'm not half as bad with him as I was with previous boyfriends as his attitude rubs off on me a lot.

I don't think we've ever had an argument over a serious issue, we're very good at communicating when there is something bothering us and we'll talk it out. But when we do have those silly little arguments both of us will sulk for a few minutes and then one of us will apologise, then the other person will apologise and then we'll nearly start an argument again with both of us saying "No don't you apologise, it was my fault", "No it was MY fault!" etc

FizzleSticks

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