Hairdresser threatening to refuse to serve me

Freiheit

because she isn't comfortable with how poorly I'm maintaining my hair.

Ok it's hair replacement,ie I've had hair loss and she is blending in new hair with my own. So maintenance is more important when the hair doesn;t grow.

But I still think it mad that she's willing to refuse my (considerable sum of) money because she isn't comfortable with my poor maintenance skills.

I'm relatively new to long hair and I would be low in blow dry skills. I am however willing to learn if someone could teach me. I also run a lot,which is poor for hygiene,condition of hair etc


Really annoyed at her attitude,would she be entitled to refuse me this reason?.

lubie76

That's a tricky one but by the sounds of it i wouldnt take it personally as it sounds like she just isn't confident enough in her own ability to perform the treatment that you need.

If I were you I'd just go to more advanced hairdresser who has proper experience with hair loss and regrowth.

christmas2012

maybe she doesnt feel confident enough to do a good job on your hair

Freiheit

surely it's her job to look after my hair and if I'm not able to look after it well that's my problem?. I am trying but as I said I'm new to longer hair and new to the time that it takes to look after. Surely she should be cognisent of that?.

She always seems serious and horrible really,always complaining about how bad my maintenance is.

She is ready to turn away money and frankly I don't want listening to her any longer.

But I'm happy enough with the hair,sure it's taking me time to learn how to maintain it but il get there. Her standards are probably very high,in hairdressing 20 years and here I am with longish hair for only the 3rd time in my life (the first if you don't include extensions).

Her manner just seems awful and I think Il speak to the manager.

sweeney1971

Go to another Hair dresser as she sounds like she is doing so well in the down times she does not need your custom.

Freiheit

Sadly there is very little choice in hairdressers with any training in hair replacement,less still outside dublin. I know of nobody else in the town who does it. Unless I could learn to do it myself,which would not be easy.

Amazing in today's climate that she's willing to turn money away,for herself and the salon.

Teyla Emmagan

I'm kinda with your hairdresser on this. Maybe she doesn't want you reflecting badly on her? Quite reasonable if it's a small field. Maybe she really cares and doesn't want to see you any more because she doesn't think you are keeping up your end of the bargain? But she's most likely just trying to frighten you into trying harder with the maintenance...

Miaireland

The only reason I could think of that she is threating to refuse you is that she is afraid that people might think her work is of a poor standard and this could affect her business.

To be honest I would have thought that not blow drying the whole time would be better for the hair.

I assume you are following her suggestions ( if she made any) about what shampoo/conditioners to use and what combs and brushes to use. AFAIK there are special brushes you need to use to avoid damaging the hair.

TBH if she was my hairdresser I would go elsewhere, getting you hair done should be a pleasant relaxing time.

sweeney1971

Sounds like she has the Monopoly. Id keep searching.

juan.kerr

You think she can be forced to deal with you?

Freiheit

Well I was wondering whether it's legal to refuse someone simply because they are poor at maintaining their hair?.

I would though appreciate suggestions from people here for maintaining longer hair, brushes?, straighteners?,videos on how to blow dry,blow drying techniques etc...I do have a lot to learn. All I ask for is a bit of understanding of that.

Is sweat bad for the condition of the hair?. How would one approach shampooing longer hair? I mean how would one rub in the shampoo and how should one brush/massage the hair during a shampoo/blowdry? I am a beginner and running a lot probably doesn't help condition.

The Big Red Button

Freiheit wrote: »

Well I was wondering whether it's legal to refuse someone simply because they are poor at maintaining their hair?.

I would though appreciate suggestions from people here for maintaining longer hair, brushes?, straighteners?,videos on how to blow dry,blow drying techniques etc...I do have a lot to learn. All I ask for is a bit of understanding of that.

Is sweat bad for the condition of the hair?. How would one approach shampooing longer hair? I mean how would one rub in the shampoo and how should one brush/massage the hair during a shampoo/blowdry? I am a beginner and running a lot probably doesn't help condition.

Of course it's legal.

If you paid the full amount for future treatments upfront, you'd probably be entitled to a refund alright.

As regards all those questions - haven't you asked her about them? Isn't that her job, to tell you what you should/shouldn't do?

edanto

New to the forum - couldn't resist the thread title!

@ OP Seems like the hairdresser might be running out of options to help you. It's a rather serious move to say to someone that you might not want their custom and you'd have to look at her motivation for doing it.

Like the others have said, maybe she's concerned that your efforts to do the work you have to do(low in her eyes - 'slowly learning' in yours) will reflect badly on her workmanship and she's not prepared to risk an established reputation.

Perhaps it's a calculated risk - maybe she's come across customers before that are just too busy to take the time she thinks they should be taking on maintenance, and she finds that this shock tactic works.

Either way, good luck. You'll either meet her standards or find a new hairdresser. I think it might be better long term to raise your game. I'd hate to be paying someone for something and for them not to be confident enough to tell me bad news.

The Big Red Button

I have to admit, I find it hard to understand how you care so much that you're willing to spend so much cash on your hair - but you don't care enough to put the time and effort into the day-to-day work necessary for this treatment?

What's the point in paying the money, if you can't (won't) do whatever you're supposed to be doing to maximise the benefits of this expensive treatment?

She's probably doing you a massive favour by not taking your money, if you're not doing whatever it is that you're supposed to be doing.

(And you should be asking her about what you're supposed to be doing - you're paying her enough!)

reallyrose

I wonder how little maintenance the OP is carrying out on her hair.
I'm VERY low maintenance, I don't pay any special attention to my hair, other than washing it if I happen to be in the shower!

Until last year, I had long hair. At it's longest point it was down to my waist. I didn't mind long hair any better than I did short hair.

When I had long hair, I worked in bars and kitchens so my hair would often have been sweaty and greasy (like the rest of me!)

I have never been refused service by a hairdresser. At worst, I've been sniffed at for having a head full of split ends!

I'm honestly curious. It doesn't sound like the hairdresser is just being prissy.

OP. What do you do with your hair? How often do you wash it? How often do you brush it? Do you condition?

Freiheit

I wash it but when I do it often becomes tangly which she doesn't like,maybe I over did the shampoo,or maybe rubbed it in too much,swirled it around too much,which maybe made it a bit frizzy.

I was after running today when I arrived for appointment and she didn't like the obvious sweat.

I stress I am willing to do whatever it takes,I'm just not used to long hair. I think the problem here is that as some of the hair doesn't grow,you don't have the same room for neglect and I'm struggling with that standard. But I am trying my best,she doesn't seem to understand that.

reallyrose

Well, of course she didn't like a sweaty person coming in to her! Would you?

Perhaps if you try to time your appointments so that you don't have to go in straight after a run. Then you would not be covered in sweat.

After a run, you'll need to have a shower and wash your hair or your scalp will be really itchy.
Perhaps if you had extremely short hair, you never had to wash it. Just a quick dip in the shower and that was you. My hair is fairly short and I only need to spend 30 seconds giving it a quick wash and it's fine.
I don't know how short your hair was or how long it is now but you'll need to wash long hair!

Apologies if the below seems a bit patronising or something. When I was a kid, my mother used to wash my hair so when it got to a point that I was allowed to do it myself, I didn't have a clue what to do. I had to get someone to tell me how, exactly to wash hair.

What you do is (or at least, what I used to do):
- Wet your hair thoroughly.
- Squeeze a wee blob of shampoo into your hand.
- Rub it into your head.
- Massage your scalp. Make sure you're getting all the hair soapy. You mostly need to worry about the hair directly on your scalp. Anything after that will get washed clean by the suds. Most of the grease will be on your scalp.
- Give your head a good itch when you're doing it, feels great when you're in the shower! (It's highly possible that's just me though!)

Then, rinse.
This is important. It's easy with long hair to fail to rinse your hair properly. This will leave your hair heavy and greasy feeling. It's kinda gross feeling, but it happens to everyone occasionally!

- With water running over your head, rub your hands over your scalp again.
- Kinda comb your hair with your fingers to allow water to get in between hair strands to wash the soap off.
- There's no great way to describe how hair feels once the soap is rinsed off but try to get a sense of your hair not feeling slippery any more, and there's no more suds rinsing off your head!

Obviously, if your hairdresser has given you specific hair washing instructions, follow those instead!

I'm confused about what you mean by "swirling it around". You don't have to be rough with your hair to wash it. You just need to give it a bit of a rub!

If any ladies with extensions would like to weigh in or disagree horribly with me? I've never had extensions so I haven't a breeze how to mind them!

Tabitharose

I've known tattoo artists refuse to tattoo certain designs as they don't want something they are not 100% happy with being associated with their name...

This to me sounds similar, and, tbh I don't see anything wrong with the hairdresser's refusal or implied refusal to work with your hair. (I don't mean this in an offensive way, and I hope it's not taken as such)

Unregistered39

OP, what is with the helpless kitten attitude? It's only bloody hair! Ask her exactly what you should be doing and just do it! It's hardly rocket science.

I actually admire her for having the integrity to tell you to sling your hook if you're putting in so little effort (obviously if you've paid up front you should get a refund). Honestly, you sound like your own worst enemy. And showing up for a hair appointment after a run without showering/washing your hair first is kind of skanky.

Freiheit

I've been doing what she asked,I'm just not very good at it,yet.

She's just not a nice person.

the_syco

Unregistered39 wrote: »

And showing up for a hair appointment after a run without showering/washing your hair first is kind of skanky.

This may be seen as a lack of respect. That and not knowing what to do/not doing it correctly may be pushing the hairdresser to be less forgiving?

December2012

What is she giving out to you about if you're doing what she asks? There's something amiss here.

Thoie

There's also the possibility that if your hair is in poor condition she's worried that if she touches it and it falls out/breaks off that she'll get the blame.

ReallyRose has provided some good information. If you haven't been given any other special conditions on hair washing, go with that.

This is what I do with my (normal) long hair.

Blob of shampoo on hand
Smear that gently on the top of my head
Use my fingers to massage that through onto the scalp - all over every bit of the scalp. I'm resting my thumb on my head, then moving the pads of my fingers about half an inch backwards and forwards over the scalp, then move my hands and do the next bit - keep going until the whole scalp has been covered. The end bits will get the shampoo as the soap and water run through them.
Rinse thoroughly until squeaky clean.
Repeat the shampooing and rinsing.
Put a blob of conditioner on hand
Catch the end of my hair with that hand (as if I'm going to make a pony tail), and run my conditioner-y fingers through the ends of my hair, untangling hair gently as I go (if I need to). Run my fingers through my hair from front to back when that's done.

I generally leave the conditioner like that while I have the rest of my shower, then at the end, rinse out the conditioner really well (detangling as I go if necessary).

Out of the shower I wrap a towel around my head to soak up most of the wet. Then I use that towel to pat my head (not vigorously rub it). Don't catch the long ends between the towel and rub like you're trying to start a fire.

Comb through with a wide-toothed comb. Start at the very bottom of the hair, do the last few inches (hold the hair in one hand, comb with the other so that you're not tugging from the roots). Work upwards - the bit below will be untangled so you can run all the way down. Keep going until you can run the comb through from the front of your hair all the way to the bottom smoothly.

At that point I just let the hair hang down and loose until it's dry - I rarely bother with hairdryer or straighteners. Try not to tie the hair up while it's wet - if you have to, try use a soft scrunchie or a clip rather than an elastic-y band.

Typing it out makes it sound longer than it really takes, it doesn't take very long. Going into the hairdresser all sweaty is a bit gross - would you want to touch someone else's sweaty head?

abrr1000

Hi - what kind of extensions did you get?
I only have experience with pre-bonded.
When washing your hair with extensions, you should not scrub the scalp as people described here. This causes tangling. You just gently massage the scalp in a controlled motion, trying to do as little swirling around, scrubbing as possible.
Never tip your head forward to wash your hair, always tilt your head back to wash it - again to minimise tangling.

I'm not sure if this applies, but with protein bonds you can't apply the conditioner near them, only on the ends.

Then when towel drying, gently pat the hair, do not use scrubbing motion.

When brushing long hair, take a section, brush out the knots from the bottom and work your way up. You need to use a special extensions brush so it doesnt catch at the bonds.

There are detangling sprays or serums you can get to help manage the blowdrying.
When you go running - tie it all up in a pony, but or a plait
When you go to sleep, tie the hair in a loose plait. This is all to minimise tangling.

gingernut125

I dont think she's under any obligation to continue treatment unless you've prepaid or she has correct a job she didn't complete correctly.

Freiheit

Can you recommend any specific detangling sprays or serums then?

They are not hair extensions in the normal sense,it's a net with hair attached,originaly from hairspray.

So an actual plait then in bed?

Yes I know it was disrespectful entering a salon after a run.

Ultimately I do need to get my act together longer term,for myself,not for the haidresser in question,I'm sure in a few years at most I'll have moved on from her.

Thanks

Novella

If you find your hair is very tangly or knotted, you could try using a wide tooth comb in the shower. That's what I do. I comb through my hair when I have the conditioner in 'cause otherwise I'd never get the tangles out. Just be gentle!

Jessibelle

Freiheit wrote: »

Can you recommend any specific detangling sprays or serums then?

Honestly the best detangling ones I've found are designed for kids hair, and are normally with the shampoos aimed at children, they usually smell quite sweet though. Best one thus faris one by L'oreal, comes in a bottle patterned like a fish and "smells" like "cherry". Any hair serum with a silicon base should give you slippage as well.That said, thats what I know for natural hair extensions, how they'd work on artifical hair, I'm not sure.

Freiheit

Thanks Jessiebelle,il go to o'reilys salon supplies/beauty later. The hair is real,it's just held with a net rather than a conventional extension bond (well im not sure for how much longer if she refuses to do it next time!)

Freiheit

Bought a Shaun P 'Tangle Teaser', a Head Jog round brush and a wide tooth brush as recommended. Just after washing and they seem to have made a big difference,along with 2 shampoos.

Whether it's enough to satisy the hairdresser in question? I have my doubts.

sunshiner

Equave Revlon hyro conditioning spray is good, its a leave in conditioner. I use it after i wash my hair. Out of curiosity have you taken your hairdresser up on any products she recommends? Or do you any do treatments on your hair?

Danniboo

Perhaps she doesn't want people knowing you've spent X amount and that's the Salon where you get your hair done if you don't maintain it properly and it doesn't look great? When you say maintain, does she mean washing or damaging with styling tools or more technical stuff specific to regrowth?

Freiheit

Hi tangling was a big issue,to be honest the 'tangle remover' has made a huge difference. Yeah she's probably an 'artist' who has professional pride in her work and doesn't want someone who can't maintain her standards.

However she has no understanding of where I'm coming from,never having had long hair (other than bonded extensions) and no idea really how to manage it,she clearly hasn't much patience. I am learning though and yes she might have done me a favour. It looks a lot better now with that tangle remover,round brush and 2 shampoos as recommended here. The Danmark brush I had used seems primitive by comparison.

There was no real recommendations apart from a shampoo and to get a round brush.

sunshiner

if you can get a brush called a tangle teaser,this is excellent for tangles for long hair. if you google it you maybe able to buy it online. Boots have an excellent range of products it might be worth looking there for leave in spray conditioners. It also might be worth doing a lose plait in your hair,theyre easy and low maintenance. Maybe a good shampoo and regular conditioner for damaged or brittle hair could help. Be gentle with your hair,don't towel try your hair roughly just pat dry.Someone else recommended about combing which was spot on,start at ends be gentle. Longer hair just needs more effort you will get there with patience and some good products.