Terrified of flying

Ryan T

Hi

I'm a 40 year old man who has avoided flying all my life.
Got married recently and am going on honeymoon next Monday ( June 11th). All our European holidays to date have involved the ferry to France but last year we had a very rough crossing and decided that was our last trip by boat.
So I did the fly fearless course but chickened out on the short flight.
I have no fear of an accident but the heights get me!!!
Went to airport yesterday to watch take offs and landings and might go to doctors this week for something to take the edge off it.

Almost at the stage of cancelling.

Any advice or thoughts on this as I'm afraid I might not board the plane on Monday

Thank you

Shamrock231

Get an aisle seat, then pretend it's just like a bus, and the height ain't all that noticable really....

kippy

Was in the same boat a few years ago, tried a few things, at the end of it all, hypnotherapy did the trick for me (the effects have gradually worn off but it worked for the flights involved in the honeymoon).
I did one session costing 100 euro and it was the best 100 euro I spent.

b757

Try having a go in one of the aircraft simulators flying the plane and learning how it works..

I know a few people that done that and found the flight tolerable after the lesson in the sim..

If you are in Dublin/east, try simtech
If you are in the west, try Atlantic Airventure

I dont think there any down in the south of the country.

It may work and it may not but its worth a try and great fun.. You will have an instructor beside you showing and guiding the steps needed to take off and land..
30 minutes does not cost that much


Simtech: http://www.simtech.ie/index.php/gift_vouchers
Atlantic Airventure: http://www.atlanticairventure.com/Gift%20Vouchers/gift%20vouchers.html

-
b757

*note* didn't know a flight in a simulator in the flyfearless course was provided, sorry about that.*

FANTAPANTS

15 pints of stella will work..hop on plane .....and then your out cold wont rem a thing

xflyer

Don't sit in a window, sit in an aisle seat if as you say you fear heights. You won't even know how high you are and you'll see nothing. Just the inside of a noisy tube with loud air conditioning. Even with a window seat there's not much to see and you can close the shade when at altitude.

Take it from me there is very little sense of height. I fly for a living and I actually find heights quite scary everywhere except in a plane, where I'm sitting down and strapped in. But once I had to leave my seat and close an open door. Now that was terrifying!

Make the effort, you'll never look back. Particularly as it's your honeymoon. I personally would have rather died than ruin our honeymoon for my new wife. Although I think you wouldn't have liked it much as the trip out involved three flights, one of 12 hours duration.:p

zone 1

maybe you take trip to the doctor and and ask for something to make you relax . thats what i do for long flights. Valium works but check with your doctor first.

Ryan T

Have aisle seat booked in the first row

How smooth will it be - I mean smoother than a bus ?? Also how loud

Thanks for replies

Bonibus

I don't like heights either but I find flying is a completely different sensation than for example being on a tall building. Give it a go - you only live once!

FANTAPANTS

its like been on a nosiey mini bus mate nothing to worry about trust me im flying all my life and flew into so remote airports like liberia with a holey run way i hate flying but the buzz when it lands is something you will love

tricky D

http://fearofflyinghelp.com/ has free online course and some sort of walk-throughs or simulations which could help.

Also there should be some YouTube vids using the search terms 'fear of lying' or something similar.

@xflyer. I've bad vertigo these days, but flying has zero effect for some reason. (noting fear of heights and vertigo might not be exactly the same)

Su Campu

If you're in the first row then you'll see the air steward(s) sitting down and strapping in for take off and landing. If unprepared this might not be something you were expecting, and the sight of their shoulder harnesses might scare you, but it is totally normal and they'll be up on their feet again soon after take off. Also, don't be alarmed by their safety briefing. It's all just routine stuff they have to say so just pay attention to it but no more!

Regarding take off itself, you'll just hear the engines spool up and will feel some acceleration as it moves. Other than that it's like being in a car with someone else driving. A couple of minor bumps but nothing more than you would get on an Irish road! At worst, landing is like driving over a speed bump at a slow speed, and at best it's like driving along a smooth road!

RELAAAAAAXXX! Enjoy it! I gaurantee you you won't be able to wait for the return flight!

Plowman

This post has been deleted.

lord lucan

FANTAPANTS wrote: »

15 pints of stella will work..hop on plane .....and then your out cold wont rem a thing

Until you wake up dying for a slash!:pac:

My wife only developed a fear of flying over the last 5 years,blames me for always watching ACI on NatGeo,was perfectly fine before that. I always take the window now and she sits in the middle(or aisle depending on aircraft configuration) and finds it much easier once she can't see out.

Ryan T

Thanks for the very helpful replies

Guess I'm going to have to MAN UP !!

Thanks everyone

LeftBase

Ryan T wrote: »

Have aisle seat booked in the first row

How smooth will it be - I mean smoother than a bus ?? Also how loud

Thanks for replies

It's fairly smooth most of the way. On take off you feel the aircraft accelerate and you will feel what I think can be best described as a "woosh" when the aircraft lifts off and climbs. There may be a few bumps but it's no worse than driving your car over a country back road!

I think the best thing you can do is just "not look down" as it were. Make sure the crew know how you feel and that you are a little nervous. They will do their best to keep you calm and if you are up front I'd say the cabin crew member in front of you will talk you through all the things that are going on.

Am I correct in assuming you dont like the height as in the idea of being that high, or is it about falling out of the sky from a height?

Shamrock231

Sitting over the wings will reduce the amount of moving about you experience in turbulence as it's located closed to the center of gravity. Ideally if you sit above the CoG you'd experience the lowest amount of turbulence on the aircraft. And if you happen to look out the window, all you see is a wing. Win Win.

Ryan T

Have no fear of falling it's the thought of being at that height

LeftBase

Ryan T wrote: »

Have no fear of falling it's the thought of being at that height

Well just don't look out the window. If you just dont look out you could be on a boat with nice air-conditioning. It's smoother than a ferry crossing at any rate! There really is nothing to it and really any worries etc will float away if you relax and enjoy the experience:)!

lintdrummer

The best thing about flying is that once you're at cruise altitude there's really no sensation of being at a height, you've nothing to judge it off visually.
Best advice, keep thinking about the wonderful holiday at the far end of the trip! You might even end up enjoying the flight!
There are a lot of noises that will be unfamiliar to you and the sensation of lift off might be strange (like when you go over a hill on a road fairly fast and you feel a kind of weightlessness) but it's brief and all normal.
Once you're up at cruise altitude there's hardly any sensation of movement at all.
Don't forget to let us know how you get on when you get home!
Best of luck!

LeftBase

I should hope you will be awarded sufficient brownie points by the wife!:D

orionm_73

I agree with a previous poster saying that you should tell the crew. They will keep an eye on you and will pro-active in assuring you. To be honest, when you are in the cruise, the view from the window almost looks unreal. Especially when you are above the clouds. It can almost become boring! Enjoy the honeymoon and focus on the great time you will have.

ImDave

Ryan T wrote: »

I have no fear of an accident but the heights get me!!!

I have an absolutely terrible fear of heights (commercial aircraft never bothered me however), but I didn't realize it until I was about 15 and went on an adventure trip which involved abseiling down the side of a 2 story structure. I didn't realize it on the way up and the only way down was to abseil! Took the instructor over half an hour to convince me to go for it!

I love flying however and during college decided to consider a career as a commercial pilot. I found (after some fear of my first lesson) as other posters have said, that it is a totally different experience and sensation to anything you are likely to experience outside of flying. I now have about 40 hours flying experience including loads of solo time, and couldn't be more comfortable in even a small light aircraft. Yet ask me to go up a ladder and I won't make it more than five steps!

Go for it, more than likely you will be very pleasantly surprised!

Ryan T

Thanks again for all the helpful replies

christmas2012

Ryan the only dangerous times on a flight is not in mid air flight but at the landing,and immediate take off once your past that,the chances are you will survive,thinking about it like that for me has made flying easier..


[EDIT]

And..a lot of people in the flying industry have to be very consicencous about their work,from air traffic control to the pilot,(pilots dont get thanked enough for their flying keeping people safe)..

lintdrummer

christmas2012 wrote: »

Ryan the only dangerous times on a flight is not in mid air flight but at the landing,and immediate take off

Just to correct you, there are no "dangerous" times on a flight.

LadyTBolt

I used to hate flying. I would grip both handrests as tight as I could with straightened arms until about 20mins after take off until the beer cart would come around. Once I would see the flight attendants walking around I would relax. When everybody else was looking out the window I would be looking in the opposite direction - UP (sometimes with my eyes closed) - praying to God the flight would end soon. With every bump or change in direction I would get a sudden feeling of panic and I would burst out in a sweat. This wasn't just after 1 or 2 flights, this was after about 15, or more, and I would keep sipping beers to pass the time. Everytime I dozed off the slightest bump or bit of turbulence would wake me suddenly and I would jump up in a panicked state just wanting to burst out screaming. Even during my dozing I would be having flying nightmares.

Then over the past couple of years I did alot of flying to include a number of longhaul flights. One flight I will never forget was in the US during terrible thunder and lightening storms whereby the aircraft bounced all the way from one airport to another. It was the longest 3hrs of my life. I will never forget looking out the window as the aircraft bounced around looking at lightening out the window. That night nobody left their seat throughout the entire flight and then the captain announced we could not land at the airport and had to go off course and try and come back in again. That added another 45mins or so onto the flying time. It was terrifying.

I then started to speak alot to pilots/engineers about flying. What I had encountered was nothing compared to some of their stories, and they still fly everyday, happily.
I then started to understand and become interested in various aircraft tech issues and I later learned if we were hit by lightening that night in US the aircraft was built to withstand it.
I also learned about turbulence and it isn't as big a deal as I used to think. Now that I understand it, when it happens I actually have some idea of what is going on and I cope with it better.
Then I discovered that on longhaul flights when the seatbelt light comes on and the flight attendants ask people to take their seats although they continue to walk about it can sometime mean there is a certain passenger they want to go back to their seat and there isn't anything at all to be worried about.
I then learned about all the training pilots go through to make them capable to deal with the most unsavoury flying conditions/eventualities. (Although they will all tell me they don't fly the aircraft, they just press a few buttons and the aircraft does the rest )
Because of all of these things I now enjoy/understand flying some bit. I still won't look out the window (unless I'm landing) or sit in a window seat. I have become an expert in travelling, packing efficiently and quickly getting through security checks at airports and I now assess duty free shops/airport facilities as a hobby when I travel.
If its your first time flying I would recommend starting your journey without hassle, becoming unsettled in a strange place just before your flight could just irk you a little and is not good for the nerves; arrive in plenty of time, stick to the luggage/liquid regulations, wear loose comfortable clothes without lots of zips/steel buttons that could set off the metal detectors, be prepared to take off your shoes/coat/belt/empty your pockets/possibly open your hand luggage. Bring a crossword/book, something that you think you can benefit as a distraction should you need it at sometime during the flight.
And most of all, try to enjoy it the flight, it is afterall the most regulated and safest method of transport.

jimbis

Most of the advice id give you has already been said but the thing that has helped me most is logging onto this forum everyday!:p I was always interested in aviation (even though flying terrified me) but since i became a regular on here ive learned so much from everyone here and that knowlegde has made flying ALOT me easier for me to fly.
Personally i dont like the valium idea as i suffer for a day or 2 after but that could be just me. A brandy before and one to sip on the flight seems to help me .

Also im sure you wont be doing this anyway, but dont look out the window during take off. I think the hardest thing for me on a flight is seeing the ground get further and further away at great speed. But as said already when at a steady flight level the sense of height doesnt effect me.


Watching videos of take offs will get you used to the sounds and routines etc and will be one less thing to worry about.

christmas2012

lintdrummer wrote: »

Just to correct you, there are no "dangerous" times on a flight.

actually if you knew anything about flying there ARE dangerous times..taking off is one,and landing is the other dangerous time.. If a plane is overused and not maintained properly it could be a problem,but today planes are checked every 10000 or so miles on every couple of journeys,so it is relatively safe,you see them checking the aircraft sometimes when you look out the window just before boarding the plane..

LeftBase

christmas2012 wrote: »

actually if you knew anything about flying there ARE dangerous times..taking off is one,and landing is the other dangerous time.. If a plane is overused and not maintained properly it could be a problem,but today planes are checked every 10000 or so miles on every couple of journeys,so it is relatively safe,you see them checking the aircraft sometimes when you look out the window just before boarding the plane..

I would hardly call them dangerous! Take off and Landing are higher risk but they are not dangerous!

You dont sometimes see them checking, you always see them checking. It's a requirement!

Riskymove

LeftBase wrote: »

I would hardly call them dangerous! Take off and Landing are higher risk but they are not dangerous!

I agree

there is a higher risk but it is not dangerous,its like driving a car on a windy, mountain road at night has a higher risk than driving in daylight on a straight road...but neither are inherently dangerous

the percentage where something goes wrong of all the flights every day is tiny


OP

I too am not a great flyer and I would definitely advise

1. an aisle seat
2. go to the doctor and get something to help, it definitely takes the edge off
3. distract yourself - music, a movie, a good book
4. earplugs also an option

try and stay positive and the more you fly the easier and more routine it becomes

putting it off for long periods only makes it worse..I should know! I have put off travel and places I want to see too often - I am just back from the States and had no issues on the flights, so it can be done

I would also say that the anticipation and worry is often worse than the actual flight

Shamrock231

christmas2012 wrote: »

actually if you knew anything about flying there ARE dangerous times..taking off is one,and landing is the other dangerous time.. If a plane is overused and not maintained properly it could be a problem,but today planes are checked every 10000 or so miles on every couple of journeys,so it is relatively safe,you see them checking the aircraft sometimes when you look out the window just before boarding the plane..

It's all relative, while it's true that landing and takeoff are infact more dangerous than the cruise and taxi ect. that doesn't make them dangerous, they're still much safer phases of flight than travelling on a bus....

Thoie

Something that you might not be prepared for are the sounds - not that they're loud, but when you're not familiar with, for example, the sound of the wheels coming up, you can be sitting there thinking "What's that noise? And that one? And that other one?". There are a million unfamiliar noises on an airplane - the main thing to remember is that while they're unfamiliar to you, they're all perfectly normal.

Ryan T

Thanks for all your help and good advice - feeling more positive about it

Will watch more take off and landings videos online

Thanks again

lintdrummer

christmas2012 wrote: »

lintdrummer wrote: »

Just to correct you, there are no "dangerous" times on a flight.

actually if you knew anything about flying there ARE dangerous times..taking off is one,and landing is the other dangerous time.. If a plane is overused and not maintained properly it could be a problem,but today planes are checked every 10000 or so miles on every couple of journeys,so it is relatively safe,you see them checking the aircraft sometimes when you look out the window just before boarding the plane..

Ya, what would I know, I'm only an aircraft engineer. The aircraft are checked daily and before each flight as a legal requirement. They also undergo more major maintenance checks by cycles/flight hours, not miles.
So again there are no inherently dangerous times during a flight. There are higher risk times, of which takeoff and landing would be considered such, but they are higher risk than times that are very low risk so what does that make them? Certainly not dangerous in any way. Telling this man that landing and taking off is dangerous, when it isn't, is not helping his situation.

Bearcat

Ryan T wrote: »

Thanks for all your help and good advice - feeling more positive about it

Will watch more take off and landings videos online

Thanks again

You'll be fine. 8 pints of "wife beater" Stella will achieve nothing. I would tell the cabin crew when you get on board that you are nervous etc. I have come across nervous passengers numerous times over the years and I have gone back before push back and had a chat with them. I think seeing a face, having a chat with the pilot very much eases the tension with the anxious passengers.

Enjoy.

Ryan T

Thank you Bearcat

I will tell the crew as soon as I board

xflyer

You'll be fine, Ryan. Let us know how it goes.

kirving

Bearcat wrote: »

...I have come across nervous passengers numerous times over the years and I have gone back before push back and had a chat with them. I think seeing a face, having a chat with the pilot very much eases the tension with the anxious passengers.

Enjoy.

A bit like talking to a surgeon before an operation. If you didn't know who was going to be cutting you open, what exactly it involved and their mental state, you'd be scared. When they explain it calmly, it's fine.

Dangerous is totally the wrong word to use. That's like saying driving around corners in a car is dangerous. It might be higher risk than on a straight road, but it certainly couldn't be considered dangerous!

OP, sitting towards the front, you will have a slightly quieter ride than down the back since you're in front of the engines. In theory the middle should be the most stable, but the difference is negligible.

Not sure what exactly you don't like about it, but from a technical point of view, an unbelievable amount of work goes into maintenance of the aircraft, and it's initial design. It's the safest for of travel after all!

guitarzero

Yep, like a few have said, get tanked. I've had to do it a few times. It boils down to the level of control you have over your thoughts. My thoughts started firing off to all disastrous ideas. When I drink I tend to get very sleepy so tiz handy.

ImDave

guitarzero wrote: »

Yep, like a few have said, get tanked. I've had to do it a few times. It boils down to the level of control you have over your thoughts. My thoughts started firing off to all disastrous ideas. When I drink I tend to get very sleepy so tiz handy.

Alcohol being a mood enhancer/antagonist is not the solution. Being already anxious whilst entering in to what will be a stressful environment for the OP with alcohol taken will most likely make the situation feel worse. It may work for some people, and indeed a drink or two will calm nerves to an extent, but anything after that could easily produce results totally opposite to that intended.

If somebody needs extra help to tolerate flying, a visit to your GP to discuss a more appropriate solution is a good idea IMO.

Tenger

guitarzero wrote: »

Yep, like a few have said, get tanked. I've had to do it a few times. It boils down to the level of control you have over your thoughts. ......

ImDave wrote: »

Alcohol being a mood enhancer/antagonist is not the solution......... It may work for some people, and indeed a drink or two will calm nerves to an extent, but anything after that could easily produce results totally opposite to that intended..........

Being 'tanked' getting onboard an aircraft is a great way to get the cabin crew to stop you travelling...............

pclancy

Thanks for all the good replies, some great advice here OP and you're not alone in being worried so dont be embarrased.

I would highyl recommend avoiding the alcohol route as you'll be very dehydrated and have probably have a bad hangover. I know it works for some people but dutch courage isnt something great to recommend to nervous flyers.

Much better idea wouild be to ask your doc for some mild sedatives or even a sleeper tablet to make things cruise along easier. Very good idea to let the crew know as well when you board, they'll do their best to look after you too and are trained to assist.

You'll feel you've really achieved something once you get through your flights, come back here and let us know how it goes. Good luck!

Lustrum

I know you can't really do this on an airliner, but I have a mate who was afraid of heights too, and as a result, flying. I managed to talk him into coming up in a Cessna 172 with me, and it completely changed his perspective on flying (nothing to do with my piloting skills I'm afraid!)

He said what made the difference for him was seeing everything from up the front, hearing ATC, experiencing how controlled everything is, and even having a go handling the plane himself! It seems to have made a big difference to him anyway, so maybe it might help if you did that at your local flying club some day.

Enjoy the flight anyway, it's something I'll never get tired of!

jimbis

Lustrum wrote: »

I know you can't really do this on an airliner, but I have a mate who was afraid of heights too, and as a result, flying. I managed to talk him into coming up in a Cessna 172 with me, and it completely changed his perspective on flying (nothing to do with my piloting skills I'm afraid!)

He said what made the difference for him was seeing everything from up the front, hearing ATC, experiencing how controlled everything is, and even having a go handling the plane himself! It seems to have made a big difference to him anyway, so maybe it might help if you did that at your local flying club some day.

Enjoy the flight anyway, it's something I'll never get tired of!

I meant to say this in my last post but i also had a similar experence that really helped my fear of flying. I also wanted to go up in a chopper and swore if i ever got the chance then i wouldnt let my fear get in the way.
The chance came along one day and i jumped at it, sat along side the pilot for the trip (bell jet ranger) and i might aswell of been sitting in a taxi i was so calm. Seeing everything going on right infront of me and talking away to the pilot and hearing how cool and calm he was helped so much.
I even let him do a few twists and turns which i thought were aerobatic stunts:p but i loved it!

DazzlerIE

Another nervy flyer checking in

Going Vancouver-London-Dublin tonight

The weather forecast of gales over Ireland isn't filling me with glee

al28283

I found the best thing to do is to keep an eye on the air hostess. Especially if the flight is a bit bumpy
They make up to 6 or 7 flights a day so if they are always a good sign that things are fine, if something is going wrong they'll be the first to know, at least thats how I like to think.

Locker10a

al28283 wrote: »

I found the best thing to do is to keep an eye on the air hostess. Especially if the flight is a bit bumpy
They make up to 6 or 7 flights a day so if they are always a good sign that things are fine, if something is going wrong they'll be the first to know, at least thats how I like to think.

This is also what my auntie says! She is terrified if flying and avoids at all cost but when she has to fly she says it relaxes her to see the cabin crew so calm and acting normal(after all it is their job and they dont think twice about it) The crew fly everyday and have been through it all 100 times so if they have no cause for concern then neither should you!

On another note my mum has a bad fear of height to the extent where she wont use escalotors ! How ever she would happily fly from here to the moon! It doesnt bother her in the slightest as there is no sensation of height!

Bearcat

DazzlerIE wrote: »

Another nervy flyer checking in

Going Vancouver-London-Dublin tonight

The weather forecast of gales over Ireland isn't filling me with glee

You'll be grand.....had a look @ heathrow weather.....little choppy there re forecast but nothing approaching sporty and Dublin the same.......post 2pm it'll be a bit blowy but you should be home by then?

Enjoy your flight.....rumor has it AL will be flying direct Toronto ? next summer.

DazzlerIE

They're missing a trick not having a Canadian flight, ever growing Irish population over here

Unless you want to travel during summer, there's no direct flights to Canada from Ireland

Randy Anders

I'd recommend going to your doc and asking for a small prescription of either Xanax or Valium

They are great for stopping anxiety and fear. My friends wont get on a plane without them now