Dont know if boyfriend loves me

LegacyUser

a bit of background..

I met a guy just before xmas at a friends house party, he was her housemate. We got together that night, I stayed over, and we have been together since. We were spending most nights together anyhow, so when my friend (his housemate) moved out a month later, it made sence for me to move in with him. Its the 1st serious relationship for both of us,were both in our mid20s.

Things have been great with us. No fights at all. Were very close, we get on great. Its been on my mind that he hasnt said I love you, its been nearly 6 months now, living together for 5 of them.

I said it to him a few nites ago coz it felt like the right time. But he just said 'I'm not ready to say that to you yet'. We didnt fight or anthing, just went to sleep after that. He hasnt brought it up since then and I dont want to.

What does this mean? He doesnt love me, or he doesnt love me yet, or he doesnt know? I dont understand. Hes usually a very open caring person. I dont want to push him on it in case I mess things up, things are so good between us. No point continuing togehter if he doesnt love me though.

Only 2 weeks ago we got a new lease on the house for 12 months with both our names on it, why would he do that if he doesnt know if he loves me or not?

_dublinlad_

It could well be the case that he simply dosent know either. Your relationship with him is moving very very fast by the sounds of it... maybe saying it to him brought home to him the idea of long term comitment - which as a mid twenties guy myself is fairly daunting. Who knows whats going through his head. You are very early on in the relationship... give it time... maybe a few more months and ask him again, if the same answer comes back maybe its just not to be.

ennis81

Hey,
The relationship seems to be going good so don't rock the boat with neediness,
in my experience it is better for someone to be honest like his response "I'm not ready to say that to you yet" instead of men who blurt out I LOVE YOU after a weekend together, behaviour like that drives me crazy!! He isn't saying he doesn't love you but I believe real love grows over a peroid of getting to know each other, you're living together and its going great as you say, leave it for a while before having a deep discussion about this and enjoy the honeymoon peroid, don't be worrying yourself all is well

December2012

My opiniin is that he does not love you. When you love somebody telling them is natural.

That's not to say he won't love you in future, but he doesn't right now.

The Lovely Muffin

I am with my bf for eleven months this month and while neither of us has said 'I love you', we have said we love each other.

You are only together six months, your relationship is still in early stages, don't push the subject or act needy and force/push him into saying it, as another poster said, it's better that he is being honest with you.

Would you rather that he lied to you and said he did love you? Or do you prefer honesty? Honestly just because he isn't ready to say it to you yet doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it just means he's not ready to say it to you yet.

He'll say it when he is ready, just be patient, if it's meant to be it will be.

I am a friend

Op to be Frank, it's never a good plan to move in with a lover because it makes sense... It leaves you wide open to situations like this where you are tied to someone but don't know how they feel. He moved you in for practical reasons so, from his response, it would seem to me that it's still practical for him. Not a nice position to be in for you.

Maybe if he is not as emotional as you want then he is not the man for you. Time for you to think what you want rather than wasting your time wondering what he is thinking.

nowyouresix

whoa.... slow down already....

Missy Moo Moo

I am a friend wrote: »

Op to be Frank, it's never a good plan to move in with a lover because it makes sense... It leaves you wide open to situations like this where you are tied to someone but don't know how they feel. He moved you in for practical reasons so, from his response, it would seem to me that it's still practical for him. Not a nice position to be in for you.

Maybe if he is not as emotional as you want then he is not the man for you. Time for you to think what you want rather than wasting your time wondering what he is thinking.

100% agree with this. You moved in together out of convenience as opposed to a burning need to be with each other all the time. Since it was only after a month, the relationship never had a chance to grow organically, ie going through the milestones of saying I love you, etc etc. The dynamics were changed so quickly when the relationship was still so new.

I don't believe it's too late though but you need to not bring up the "L" word again. Try and act as if you are still a couple dating, go out with your friends, take up a new hobby, don't be spending every single night in with him. Go out on dates and don't just sit in when you spend time together.

ihsb

I would be deeply upset by this. He has made a commitment to you without telling you that he has deeper feelings for you then for anyone else in his life. I said "I love you" first in both of my relationships. I had to wait a week to hear back the first time, but the second took a month.

It was the worst month. I felt like he had all the control in the relationship and that we were no longer equals. If I am honest, I was going to finish it with him the night he said it because the uncertainty of it all had gotten to me too much.

In your heart you will know when it stops feeling right to live with a man that has not singled you out yet. Listen to that feeling. Sometimes it takes losing someone to work out your feelings, but regardless you need to look after yourself first.

judgefudge

Don't be hasty OP. regardless of the living together situation, you guys have only been together nearly 6 months right??

That's very early days and tbh if a guy told me he loved me before this mark I wouldn't believe him, you can't properly know a person or know if you love them so quickly!

I think you need to take your living situation out of the equation (you said yourself it was convenient) and just think at 5 months is it necessary to worry about this yet. I don't think so. Give him time, all the signs are good.

EGAR

I don't say "I love you" to my partner. The only person I say it to is my son. I am not the type of person to be touchy feely verbally . I would not put too much weight on these three words as actions always speak louder than words, in my book anyway.

Dortilolma

From your post it sounds like you have a decent relationship. Yes you seem to be moving pretty fast but every couple's relationship develops at it's own pace. The fact he was honest with you and said he wasn't ready to say he loved you yet I feel is a good sign. It means he wants to be honest with you and won't just say it out of convenience - It's obviously a big thing for him to say it and means a lot to him.

It took my partner two years to tell me he loved me, that might seem quite a long time to some people but for me it was perfect because I was literally about to say the exact same thing to him.

Don't push things, let them progress at their own pace, when your boyfriend is ready he'll say it.

Beruthiel

sandradea wrote: »

But he just said 'I'm not ready to say that to you yet'.

People use the word lightly these days.
When he does say the words to you, they will carry an awful lot of weight and will be meant sincerely.

Relax and leave it for now.

newport2

Beruthiel wrote: »

People use the word lightly these days.
When he does say the words to you, they will carry an awful lot of weight and will be meant sincerely.

Relax and leave it for now.

+1

Absolutely.

Believe me OP, it would have been a lot easier for him just to say those 3 words back to you. That he wasn't ready and hence didn't is admirable. If he's the type of guy who has the balls to do this, then he wouldn't let your relationship continue if he didn't love you or feel that it was growing over time.

Be patient and let it happen. Let him bring it up the next time.

28064212

Beruthiel wrote: »

People use the word lightly these days.
When he does say the words to you, they will carry an awful lot of weight and will be meant sincerely.

Relax and leave it for now.

^ This

OP, what exactly did you mean when you said "I love you"? That you, for example, deeply care about him? His definition of love might be that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Both are equally valid definitions of "love".

You're putting way too much weight on an ambiguous sentence that is wide open to hundreds of interpretations. Base your decisions on his actions, not on whether or not he says a particular phrase

I seem to be the only one, but major warning bells are going off for me. I had an ex like that, who said he didn't want to tell me he loved me 'too soon' and to be honest, I don't think he ever loved me. You can say that it's just three words and that many people say them too soon, but my view would be that it's just as silly to hold back on saying them for the sake of it.

My opinion would be that it's been six months - surely he knows by now if he loves you or not? I don't buy that it takes one year or more - to really know someone, yes, but to love them? Perhaps I'm a weirdo but for me, I'd know within a month or two.

I am a friend

I agree with Dexter Bewildered Vent. Why would you want to live with a gf you don't love?!?!?

Op proceed with caution. Good luck

Squiggler

Not saying it and not feeling it are two completely different things.

If he treats you with love and respect then I think you should relax and let him say it (or not) as he feels comfortable.

It is very easy for a guy (or girl) to say "I love you" dozens of times a day while amply demonstrating that the only person in the world that they love is themselves.

Judge his feelings for you by his actions, not his words.