Fizzled out but should I text?

Healthis

Hi everyone,

I met a guy about 7 weeks ago from an online dating site. Met up four times but haven't seen him for over three weeks and we haven't text for a week so it looks like it has fizzled out. It's a pity because I liked him and he told me he really liked me, and I doubt he just said it for good measure as he was keen. I asked him last week had he lost interest but he just told me he was busy which I know he was with his job, however I believe nobody is ever too busy to send a text. Now the thing is it is his birthday today as Facebook has kindly let me know :rolleyes: so I was just wondering should I text him just a happy birthday message and good luck with yourself or just leave it be?

Aurongroove

Keep in mind he may be taking it easy because he is nervous. Or, maybe he actually is busy.
I met a guy 4 weeks ago and I didn't really text message him since until last night, because I literally didn't have a Saturday off to see him. We subsequently met in town and had a lovely evening.

Be careful not send too many life lines though in case he's just keeping you on the long finger.
A happy birthday message is actually quite handy in the circumstance.
He may be waiting to see if you "want it more" (texting him asking to meet or messaging him more then he messages you),
Thus, a message like happy birthday is actually a great excuse to text him without it necessarily meaning anything other then your the type of person who wishes people happy birthdays.

Pedant

I think you should text Happy Birthday and see if he texts back. It'll do no harm.

I've been in this situation before. He may be thinking the exact same as you are. If he has work, well, you'll have to work around that.

I was dating a guy once and he sent me a text complaining that I hadn't texted in a long time. I felt the same way about his lack of communication and I was anticipating his texts. Really I just wanted to see if he was as interested in me as I was in him.

Sometimes if you like someone, you over-think every little detail, get nervous, etc..

1ZRed

Pedant wrote: »

I think you should text Happy Birthday and see if he texts back. It'll do no harm.

I've been in this situation before. He may be thinking the exact same as you are. If he has work, well, you'll have to work around that.

I was dating a guy once and he sent me a text complaining that I hadn't texted in a long time. I felt the same way about his lack of communication and I was anticipating his texts. Really I just wanted to see if he was as interested in me as I was in him.

Sometimes if you like someone, you over-think every little detail, get nervous, etc..

Hit the nail on the head there. It's so easy to dive into these stupid thoughts of "has he lost interest?". You both like each other, have said so to each other so that warrants another text right there.
He could be really busy and could have the same train of thought as you right now and wondering "why hasn't he text me?".
Throw him a text wishing him a happy birthday but leave it flirty or witty to get a solid reply you can actually build on instead of just "thanks man".

I'd pick text over a Facebook message myself. A text seems more personal and hands on to me.
Good luck buddy!:)

brokenice

Healthis wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I met a guy about 7 weeks ago from an online dating site. Met up four times but haven't seen him for over three weeks and we haven't text for a week so it looks like it has fizzled out. It's a pity because I liked him and he told me he really liked me, and I doubt he just said it for good measure as he was keen. I asked him last week had he lost interest but he just told me he was busy which I know he was with his job, however I believe nobody is ever too busy to send a text. Now the thing is it is his birthday today as Facebook has kindly let me know :rolleyes: so I was just wondering should I text him just a happy birthday message and good luck with yourself or just leave it be?

sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but he isn't interested...if you haven't heard from him in 3 weeks, you're not going to hear from him any time soon. you said yourself, no one is ever that busy that they can't send a text...so perhaps you've answered your own question. so my advice is to just move on now!...and i wouldn't text happy birthday.

Annasopra

brokenice wrote: »

sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but he isn't interested...

To be honest - you don't know if this is true or not.

1ZRed

brokenice wrote: »

sorry to be the bringer of bad news, but he isn't interested...if you haven't heard from him in 3 weeks, you're not going to hear from him any time soon. you said yourself, no one is ever that busy that they can't send a text...so perhaps you've answered your own question. so my advice is to just move on now!...and i wouldn't text happy birthday.

He still likes him so there's no harm in sending a text. What's the worst that could happen? He says thanks and they could get talking again.
I don't see any harm in it.

tallus

Text him and you'll find out one way or another. The way I see it you have nothing to lose.

Healthis

I text him anyway......just said happy bday and made a joke about being ancient which he would get and hoped he was in good form, he text me back straight away saying he was in good form and out working and thanked me for the compliment. Just text back saying he was looking well on it. So I done it anyway, don't know what happens next but thanks to eveyone for your help

Annasopra

Healthis wrote: »

I text him anyway......just said happy bday and made a joke about being ancient which he would get and hoped he was in good form, he text me back straight away saying he was in good form and out working and thanked me for the compliment. Just text back saying he was looking well on it. So I done it anyway, don't know what happens next but thanks to eveyone for your help

I would reply again saying something like "hope to see you soon"

Healthis

mango salsa wrote: »

I would reply again saying something like "hope to see you soon"

Thanks mango but I won't. It would look abit desperate and the ball is firmly in his court now. Also just goes to show he isin't too busy that he can send a text. He never text me back anyway.

Conor30

My gut feeling would be that he's simply not interested either. Nobody is ever too busy to send a text! Let's get real!

However, maybe he does like you though but feels he's too busy at the moment to take the time to get to know someone.

1ZRed

Healthis wrote: »

mango salsa wrote: »

I would reply again saying something like "hope to see you soon"

Thanks mango but I won't. It would look abit desperate and the ball is firmly in his court now. Also just goes to show he isin't too busy that he can send a text. He never text me back anyway.

Is he the type of guy that likes to be the first to stop texting and only loves it when you run after him?
I don't like those people and wouldn't waste time on him if he's too afraid of putting himself out there.

Healthis

Oh well he did reply so just sent him back a mes saying if he would like to meet up again. It's 50:50, he initiates contact just as much as me and at times stops texting whereas I do the same. When there was a week long gap in the texts he was the last person to text back saying he was sorry for being 'quiet'. He is a farmer and is at silage at the moment so I know its a busy time of year and he did explain that when we first met that he was worried he would get busy and how he could make time to see me.

1ZRed

Healthis wrote: »

Oh well he did reply so just sent him back a mes saying if he would like to meet up again. It's 50:50, he initiates contact just as much as me and at times stops texting whereas I do the same. When there was a week long gap in the texts he was the last person to text back saying he was sorry for being 'quiet'. He is a farmer and is at silage at the moment so I know its a busy time of year and he did explain that when we first met that he was worried he would get busy and how he could make time to see me.

Ok I understand he's very busy but as someone said above it wouldn't take too much effort to fire off a few texts even twice a week at least.
I know I'm going by stereotypes, but how comfortable is he with you and being seen in a gay relationship? Like, is he fully out and ok about it because maybe that might be the reason he's sometimes 'quiet'.
But you know him best so my perspective could be absolute BS.

Healthis

He just told me he would love to see me again.

1ZRed - He is not out nor am I. It upsets him very much and he can spend days on end worrying about the fact he is gay, sometimes he can exhaust himself from just thinking about it. He is from a strict conservative farming background and things are expected of him so it doesn't help.

Conor30

Healthis wrote: »

He just told me he would love to see me again.

1ZRed - He is not out nor am I. It upsets him very much and he can spend days on end worrying about the fact he is gay, sometimes he can exhaust himself from just thinking about it. He is from a strict conservative farming background and things are expected of him so it doesn't help.

That's great news! It can be so hard to work men out, so it was anyone's guess whether he was still interested or not. Take your time. I'm happy for you!

On a separate note about gay people being in the closet, it's a pity it has to be thus. It really is such a waste of energy, when you think about it. Ireland is still such a conservative little country. Just an observation I'm making, not criticising anyone.

1ZRed

Healthis wrote: »

He just told me he would love to see me again.

1ZRed - He is not out nor am I. It upsets him very much and he can spend days on end worrying about the fact he is gay, sometimes he can exhaust himself from just thinking about it. He is from a strict conservative farming background and things are expected of him so it doesn't help.

I knew it. Well it's not an ideal situation you're in but you're both in it together at least:)
It's brilliant that he wants to see you again and I hope it all works out.
Just keep up being honest and open with each other and hope for the best is all I can say;)

ongarboy

I would echo what Conor30 and brokenice said. I do think if you did fancy someone back you wouldn't be ignoring texts or making no effort to maintain contact no matter how busy you are (no one is too busy for a 3 second text unless they are not interested in taking things further). I would just move on - some things aren't meant to be.

foggy_lad

ongarboy wrote: »

I would echo what Conor30 and brokenice said. I do think if you did fancy someone back you wouldn't be ignoring texts or making no effort to maintain contact no matter how busy you are (no one is too busy for a 3 second text unless they are not interested in taking things further). I would just move on - some things aren't meant to be.

Him being a farmer does change things quite a bit in my opinion as this time of year farmers barely have time to eat sleep and p1ss and certainly wouldn't be making calls or texts unless a baler or other machine needed attention.

The farm will always come first!

ongarboy

ongarboy wrote: »

I would echo what Conor30 and brokenice said. I do think if you did fancy someone back you wouldn't be ignoring texts or making no effort to maintain contact no matter how busy you are (no one is too busy for a 3 second text unless they are not interested in taking things further). I would just move on - some things aren't meant to be.

oops - I didn't realise there was a page 2 on this thread which OP provided an update so discard what I said above! Just goes to show you can't assume things to be a certain way. Hope it works out for you OP!

toexpress

The early stages of a relationship are very hard to judge, you don't want to seem needy and he probably doesn't either. But if he said he was keen maybe it is worth a text (don't know if you sent the happy birthday text) but the worst that can happen is he ignores your advances and the best is it establishes contact again and things kick off with you.

All of that said a word of caution, at some point he could send a text no matter how busy he is it's not that difficult even if it is just a "hey man am hitting the bed wrecked from work hope you are well talk soon" type of thing, something to let you know and the fact that he doesn't implies one of two things, first he just isn't into you or second that he is but is going to be like this down the line. An uncommunicative boyfriend is very frustrating, I wouldn't be taking it myself.

But as I said a text is a text one can't hurt and it might give you some idea of where you stand so that you can either move things along or just move on.

ShanePouch

foggy_lad wrote: »

Him being a farmer does change things quite a bit in my opinion as this time of year farmers barely have time to eat sleep and p1ss and certainly wouldn't be making calls or texts unless a baler or other machine needed attention.

The farm will always come first!

To suggest that someone can't find the time to send a text or make a phone call is the silliest thing I have ever heard. Having partly grown up an a very busy farm, it's just ridiculous to suggest that any farmer literally can't find the time to send a text.

Tests are, in any case, a very unreliable means of communication. My partner sent me a text a couple of weeks ago, and it didn't come to me that day. Or the next day. Eventually last weekend we came home and there was his text, having taken 11 days to be delivered.

If its anything important, never rely on a text, which can be misunderstood in any case. Call the other person rather than texting them if its important, as you can be (i) sure they have gor the message and (ii) can judge their reaction.

Healthis

ShanePouch wrote: »

To suggest that someone can't find the time to send a text or make a phone call is the silliest thing I have ever heard. Having partly grown up an a very busy farm, it's just ridiculous to suggest that any farmer literally can't find the time to send a text.

Tests are, in any case, a very unreliable means of communication. My partner sent me a text a couple of weeks ago, and it didn't come to me that day. Or the next day. Eventually last weekend we came home and there was his text, having taken 11 days to be delivered.

If its anything important, never rely on a text, which can be misunderstood in any case. Call the other person rather than texting them if its important, as you can be (i) sure they have gor the message and (ii) can judge their reaction.

I agree with this. I haven't heard from him in a week, I know hes 'busy' at silage, he hasn't logged into his dating site page or facebook since I last spoke to him either. I have being doing very important exam's this week and he never once text to ask how they were going. Anyway I am never going to text him again, he can if he wants but time to move on. Also he lives within ten miles of me so it's not like he is that far away. I know he is staying up the country for work but he was around last weekend.

Conor30

Healthis wrote: »

I agree with this. I haven't heard from him in a week, I know hes 'busy' at silage, he hasn't logged into his dating site page or facebook since I last spoke to him either. I have being doing very important exam's this week and he never once text to ask how they were going. Anyway I am never going to text him again, he can if he wants but time to move on. Also he lives within ten miles of me so it's not like he is that far away. I know he is staying up the country for work but he was around last weekend.

I think this is the right decision. Men can be hot and cold anyway, at the best of times, and it's not your fault. It only takes about 30 seconds to write and send a short text.

Conor30

ShanePouch wrote: »

Tests are, in any case, a very unreliable means of communication. My partner sent me a text a couple of weeks ago, and it didn't come to me that day. Or the next day. Eventually last weekend we came home and there was his text, having taken 11 days to be delivered.

If its anything important, never rely on a text, which can be misunderstood in any case. Call the other person rather than texting them if its important, as you can be (i) sure they have gor the message and (ii) can judge their reaction.

True, but texts are usually delivered quite quickly. Most people have a 'delivery confirmation' set up on their phone anyway, so they know if the receiver has received the message.

toexpress

Conor30 wrote: »

I think this is the right decision. Men can be hot and cold anyway, at the best of times, and it's not your fault. It only takes about 30 seconds to write and send a short text.

Just had this conversation with a friend of mine ... sadly when they go like this it's usually a case of he is just not that into you

Conor30

toexpress wrote: »

Just had this conversation with a friend of mine ... sadly when they go like this it's usually a case of he is just not that into you

Absolutely. Just like the movie! In any case, who'd want a non-communicative boyfriend, as someone else said.

Caiseoipe19

Healthis wrote: »

I agree with this. I haven't heard from him in a week, I know hes 'busy' at silage, he hasn't logged into his dating site page or facebook since I last spoke to him either. I have being doing very important exam's this week and he never once text to ask how they were going. Anyway I am never going to text him again, he can if he wants but time to move on. Also he lives within ten miles of me so it's not like he is that far away. I know he is staying up the country for work but he was around last weekend.

I think you're right just moving on. Probably just not really interested but can't say it straight out. Just for everyone's knowledge, silage isn't that big of a job. Grass grows on it's own, fertilizer is well out by this stage and with this weather there's damn all people cutting at the minute. Even during the good weather we had, cutting the silage is at most 2-3 days work altogether...just saying...it's not the best excuse! :rolleyes:

Healthis

Haven't heard from him in two weeks, talk about being apathetic. I finished all my exam's and not even a text to see how I got on. Anyway I want to move on, don't think I even want to be friends with him so should I just delete him off Facebook? It seems nasty but part of me wants to...

1ZRed

Healthis wrote: »

Haven't heard from him in two weeks, talk about being apathetic. I finished all my exam's and not even a text to see how I got on. Anyway I want to move on, don't think I even want to be friends with him so should I just delete him off Facebook? It seems nasty but part of me wants to...

Cut him out and delete him on Facebook. It might seem harsh but he didn't make an effort so don't waste any more time on him.

Would you really want to be with a guy who doesn't have enough time care enough to text you anyway?
Go find a guy who really wants to be with you. You'll find him quicker by forgetting about that guy:)

brokenice

Healthis wrote: »

Haven't heard from him in two weeks, talk about being apathetic. I finished all my exam's and not even a text to see how I got on. Anyway I want to move on, don't think I even want to be friends with him so should I just delete him off Facebook? It seems nasty but part of me wants to...

what did i tell you at the very beginning! listen to the ice man:cool: gotta be realistic about these things...he wasn't interested, i personally wouldn't delete him as it seems a tad petty, but i wouldn't bother my blarney being friends with an eejit...just let him and it go!

Conor30

brokenice wrote: »

what did i tell you at the very beginning! listen to the ice man:cool: gotta be realistic about these things...he wasn't interested, i personally wouldn't delete him as it seems a tad petty, but i wouldn't bother my blarney being friends with an eejit...just let him and it go!

That's true, but I suppose people treat FB differently. Some people only want friends or people they like on it, others are happy to let all and sundry be their FB 'friend'.

Time to move on..... If removing him from fb helps stop you thinking about him, then defriend him.

Healthis

I didn't defriend him after. I thought I was getting over him, was chatting to other guys even but when push came to shove I found I couldn't go off with another guy. I'm not hung up on him, or not really bothered that he isin't in touch but I still hold 'something' for him. He was on Facebook 3 weeks ago and I messaged him, we had a great chat, he seemed eager, told me he missed me and still liked me, and he hadn't got bored of me, even though I never asked him, he just came out with it, although he told me that he does 'disappear' from time to time!!! even said he would meet up with me soon if the weather stayed wet (which it did) but I heard nothing. I text him last Thursday night, again he sent a few texts and he was all chat and curious about what I was up too etc. I jokinly told him that I was going to bed and that I would 'see him in a few year' to which he did not reply, I text back 'literally' but nothing since.

Sure I understand now that I should not text him again or have anymore contact with him, his behaviour has being very apathetic and it sure looks like he is not into me. However he is on a few dating sites and I see that he has not accessed them for months, nor has he being on facebook since our chat, and from his texts he told me he is very busy with the silage and staying down the country and other farm associated crap.

What should I do here?

Conor30

Healthis wrote: »

I didn't defriend him after. I thought I was getting over him, was chatting to other guys even but when push came to shove I found I couldn't go off with another guy. I'm not hung up on him, or not really bothered that he isin't in touch but I still hold 'something' for him. He was on Facebook 3 weeks ago and I messaged him, we had a great chat, he seemed eager, told me he missed me and still liked me, and he hadn't got bored of me, even though I never asked him, he just came out with it, although he told me that he does 'disappear' from time to time!!! even said he would meet up with me soon if the weather stayed wet (which it did) but I heard nothing. I text him last Thursday night, again he sent a few texts and he was all chat and curious about what I was up too etc. I jokinly told him that I was going to bed and that I would 'see him in a few year' to which he did not reply, I text back 'literally' but nothing since.

Sure I understand now that I should not text him again or have anymore contact with him, his behaviour has being very apathetic and it sure looks like he is not into me. However he is on a few dating sites and I see that he has not accessed them for months, nor has he being on facebook since our chat, and from his texts he told me he is very busy with the silage and staying down the country and other farm associated crap.

What should I do here?

If it were me, I'd defriend & block him and forget all about him. He's a textbook time-waster, as far as I'm concerned. But that's just me. I just don't suffer fools gladly and don't enjoy being taken for a fool.

Even if we believe and accept his claim that he's into you and 'misses' you, would you really want a bf who disappears like that for a couple of weeks with no reasonable explanation? It's neither a normal nor mature way to behave, in my opinion and you deserve better.

Annasopra

Healthis wrote: »

What should I do here?

Defriend him on fb, stop looking at his profile on fb and other sites, forget about him, move on.

brokenice

Conor30 wrote: »

If it were me, I'd defriend & block him and forget all about him. He's a textbook time-waster, as far as I'm concerned. But that's just me. I just don't suffer fools gladly and don't enjoy being taken for a fool.

Even if we believe and accept his claim that he's into you and 'misses' you, would you really want a bf who disappears like that for a couple of weeks with no reasonable explanation? It's neither a normal nor mature way to behave, in my opinion and you deserve better.

I'm with the Conman on this one......Healthis, you're killing me here!!!! FORGET HIM!!!!!!! Even if he is a nice guy, he still seems like a weirdo to me. Just my opinion, but who the hell disappears for months on end and then returns and so on? That to me actually displays some sort of psychological problem...and you aren't the one to pick up the pieces. You say you're not hung up....dude...you're hung up Madonna style!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmCfyEemtxc

I can't say any more....forget him! Move on! If you're like this after a few dates with him....what would you be like after seeing him for a few months and he pulls the same stunt again!!!!!! The ice man has spoken