Dating

LegacyUser

I don't want to post this in PI because I want to get insight, help, help, advice, encouragement from.other women and men too if you are reading. This is about dating and men.

How do you get back on the saddle after being stung?

Last year I met someone and after a very, very short while he messed with my head. One of those who talks a lot but delivers nothing then legs it as fast as possible giving an excuse when questioned but you are there still kinda reeling and thinking maybe he would rectify it but in time nothing.

I want to get back out there again. But how? My confidence, self esteem and my head was destroyed. I'm in an ok place right now, working on myself and enjoying things I like but getting older and a little lonely. There is an emptiness lacking any sort of closeness/love. But I'm terrified of moving forward.

Fluorescence

I think this is better suited to PI if you want advice for your particular situation. If you want to start a general discussion I'll leave it here, otherwise I'll move it over for you.

Let me know either way

stringofmisery

well, firstly, it's a big bad world out there in the dating scene, and it's not for the faint hearted....so you're gonna need to be braver and have more courage and self-belief, especially as that's what others are looking for. no-one wants to take on a load of baggage from previous relationships.
secondly, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off,build a bridge and get over it, regarding this last guy. remember all the positive traits you have, and dont let some asshole rob you off all that, and in turn diminish your chances of meeting someone new. the longer you dwell on it, the harder it gets, the more confidence you lose, and the more he has taken away.only you can make it happen.....and i understand you have taken a knock, and im not belittling it..... but you have to brave up now. it's okay to be scared of getting hurt....but to hide behing that is a much scarier prospect in the long run!
you need to do either or both of the following A) get out and about and meet people,in pubs/clubs, join an online dating site...........Warning;the online dating scene requires a tough shell...be prepared that not everyone's gonna be nice and have respect for you.....but on the upside...there are gems on there too!
Get your groove back girl............get out there, and mingle!

Fluffsticle

It sounds like you need to try to concentrate on your self esteem and confidence first. If you don't work on these then you will only accept less than you deserve.

Getting back out there means you have to realistically be ready to be hurt again unfortunately :-(. Or at least be willing to take a chance on someone again. Time is the only answer to this I'm afraid.

Maybe you could try going on some dates and feeling them out, if something doesn't feel right then it probably isn't right, and you can move on. Accepting that something isn't right and moving on is a great help, and might help you to move on quicker in the future. I hope this helps...

Too much emphasis is on age these days, and sometimes People in relationships can also be as lonely as those who wish they were in them.

deirdre77

I was also n a relationship like that for over a yr where my head was messed with! Had been n a 5 yr relationship prior that where the dirt was done on.me so to trust the new man was hard! He messed with my head so much we broke up after a yr! Was tough getting back out there! To b honest trusting sum1 is still really hard for me i always think men r lying to me after the last 2 relationships so its hard even after a few yrs! This isnt much help to u but similar situations!!

ash23

If you're still hurting from a previous relationship then personally I don't think dating is a good idea.

Myself, I knew I wasn't ready to open up to that pain again so I went for flings with an expiry date. People who were totally unsuitable and where I didn't like them enough to "fall" for them. Had a lot of fun and it all worked out well, usually with them just fizzling out mutually.

Then I decided I was ready, met someone (upon reflection he was unsuitable too but I decided I was ready for a relationship so I ignored that - that was my mistake). It ended and I got hurt. So I went back to flings.

More recently I decided I was ready again. But this time I had learned my lesson and avoided men who were "unsuitable". It took a while but I eventually met someone and we're happy out together.
The main thing I find is that I trust him implicitly. He gives me no cause for concern and I never worry about what he is up to.
Because my last LTR ended in cheating I was always insecure about other men I saw. But not now. And THAT is how I know I am ready for a relationship again. I let go of the baggage from the last one and amn't carrying it into the new one.

biko

You are still clearly in the grieving period. Until this passes I don't think dating is a good idea.

Fluorescence

As the OP hasn't replied in 2 months, I'm locking this thread. If you wish to ask advice in future, that's what the Personal Issues forum is for.