8yr old home alone..?

LegacyUser

There is a boy on my road who is home alone for about 2.5hours per day. He is 8, makes his own way home from school (walking about a mile), lets himself into the house and often goes out to play with other kids on the road until his older brother gets in from secondary school. Both parents get home after 7pm.

I am a mum myself and this situation has me very worried. The fact that these are not Irish is not relevant really, but I just mention it because I have read that this is the culture in their country, and it's not unusal at all.

Is there someone I can ring? I don't necessarily want to ring my local garda station because I'm not sure if they can do anything.

Sometimes, when I am at home myself, this boy is out playing with my own child and I will give him a drink or something to eat as my heart breaks for him - apparently, there is food left out for him when he gets in from school etc...I need to do something though.

Orion

There is no law specifically about when a child can be left alone.

However if you suspect neglect you can contact the child welfare office of your local health board and inform them. They will take it from there.

Janey_Mac

I have to say, if that's normal for the culture the family is from, and if the parents are doing all they can to make sure the kid is ok for the hour or two until the older sibling comes home, (which they probably are if they're leaving out food for him,) it might be better to talk to them rather than to the gardaí, let them know that this isn't the norm here and that you're concerned.

If you have specific concerns- what does he do if he hurts himself or is sick, or there's a fire or even a less serious household catastrophe like a burst pipe or something- it would be good to bring them up.

celticbest

Janey_Mac wrote: »

I have to say, if that's normal for the culture the family is from, and if the parents are doing all they can to make sure the kid is ok for the hour or two until the older sibling comes home, (which they probably are if they're leaving out food for him,) it might be better to talk to them rather than to the gardaí, let them know that this isn't the norm here and that you're concerned.

If you have specific concerns- what does he do if he hurts himself or is sick, or there's a fire or even a less serious household catastrophe like a burst pipe or something- it would be good to bring them up.

No 8yo should be left alone for that length of time everyday. God only knows what they might get up to, kids are naturally curious & who's to say what might catch his eye on one particular day that could have dier consequences.

I'd ring social services / Gards and ask for advise on what should be done.

My youngest is nearly 10 & I wouldn't even think about letting her do it.....

Janey_Mac

celticbest wrote: »

No 8yo should be left alone for that length of time everyday. God only knows what they might get up to, kids are naturally curious & who's to say what might catch his eye on one particular day that could have dier consequences.

I'd ring social services / Gards and ask for advise on what should be done.

My youngest is nearly 10 & I wouldn't even think about letting her do it.....

I wasn't saying that nothing should be done, just that in this situation I think talking to the parents first might be better than going straight to the law.

MagicMarker

Janey_Mac wrote: »

I wasn't saying that nothing should be done, just that in this situation I think talking to the parents first might be better than going straight to the law.

Be serious now, what kind of response would you expect to get from the parents?

Fenian Army

I was left alone for longer than that when I was a kid and I'm still alive!

TBH I think you should keep your nose out of it unless the child is suffering, going hungry etc. Its probably normal in their country where perhaps people don't live in fear of transit vans.

LegacyUser

They seem like good parents, he's always dressed well, they seem to do alot of activities at weekends with him and as I said, there is food left out for him when he gets home from school. I am so concerned that he might let himself into the house some afternoon and the place might have been broken into however...my own child is 11 and I wouldn't yet let him alone in the house for 2.5hours every day...this kid is only 8.

I am not very friendly with the parents (they moved in about 18months ago) and was tempted to ask if I could keep an eye on him myself, but I'm not there everday after school myself.

Janey_Mac

MagicMarker wrote: »

Be serious now, what kind of response would you expect to get from the parents?

I don't know, but calling the guards or social services without mentioning your concerns directly when the parents seem well meaning and not intentionally negligent is, not to put too fine a point on it, a douche move.

cazzak79

To be honest won't do or say anything his only alone an hour or two
Most 8 year olds know right from wrong
His being fed don't see the problem
The parents have to work and maybe can't afford a minder for an hour or 2!

The Big Red Button

I don't know ... there are definitely plenty of eight-year-olds that you couldn't leave alone like that for a couple of hours, but some kids are more mature than others, and are very good at following rules.

Maybe they have a system in place where he always rings/texts the parents to let them know he's gotten home OK. Two and a half hours doesn't really seem to be that long for a kid to be alone, assuming there are rules in place about what he is/isn't allowed do, and assuming he can be trusted to follow these rules. I can't imagine social services would get involved.

Maybe if you're concerned, and if you're around most days, you could casually mention to the mother to tell the boy to call over to you if he has any problems etc. Or of course you could say it to the boy yourself. But then again, perhaps they already have such an arrangement in place with one of the other neighbours.

If there is nothing else that seems unusual, if it were me I probably wouldn't feel the need to do anything, to be honest.

planetX

I leave my 10 yr old home alone for an hour or so - not too happy about it but no choice. Maybe this family doesn't have a choice, it's going to become more and more common I'm afraid.

golden lane

the parents should make sure that the child has somebody in the street that it can go to, if things go wrong.....maybe you could be that person.

you say they are foreign, maybe they don't know anybody local...

DM addict

Legally an 8 year old child should not be in consistently left in the house on their own for that length of time - if I recall my child protection training correctly.

I would agree with those who say you should speak to the parents - if you or someone on your road could help out and mind the kid for a few hours, or check in on him every so often, I'm sure they'd appreciate the support of their neighbours.

If you think the child is at risk from harm, or if the parents do not agree that the child is at risk, you can speak to the HSE or the Gardai. If you're not sure if they're really at risk then perhaps calling Barnardos/ISPCC for a chat would help - they'd have a better idea of the legal standpoint and the best way to handle it.

silverharp

OP you dont have enough to go on, stike up a conversation with the parents if its bugging you or even the kid if its appropriate.

Orion

DM addict wrote: »

Legally an 8 year old child should not be in consistently left in the house on their own for that length of time - if I recall my child protection training correctly

Your child protection training is to do with whatever activity or profession you are part of involving children.

There is no specific legislation in Ireland dictating when or how long a parent can leave a child alone. A child can be left alone for 3 hours and the parents can argue that he/she is old enough and safe at home alone. I agree it's a bit mental that there is no rule on this but that's the way it is.

The social services/gardai will only get involved in neglect or abuse cases. A child being left alone can be contributory to neglect but not conclusive in itself. This has been done before on this forum - have a search.

@OP - I think the advice to speak to the parents - in a non-judgemental, non-threatening manner - is a good first course of action. Just voice your concerns about a child of that age being left to his own devices and your concerns for this safety. They may well react positively to your concern for their child's welfare.

wexford12

OP Why don't you offer to mind the child for the hour or so and help the family out.I'm sure they just can't afford to have a child minder.I'm not saying its right what they are doing but just a thought

michellie

What will happen when they are on school holidays?

LegacyUser

Op again.

Thanks for advice everyone. The parents aren't very approachable to be honest, as I have had some dealings with them in another context, so I couldn't possibly approach them about this.

He was home alone for the full day yesterday.

I had the day off work as my childs school was closed (election), as was this boys. His older brother went off to school, and at 10am, he was out playing. I kept an eye on him for the day and he told me he was alone until his brother came home from school - I did what I could for him, ensuring he played around my house etc.

In the school holidays, his brother will also be off so that won't be an issue.

notsobusy

The older brother will probably be home to look after him.

To be honest I'd be inclined to stay out of it but if you really want to say something then I would do as been mentioned here already and say to the parents that if he ever has any problems then come round to you.

I wouldn't go straight to the authorities because you don't have all the details.

Ash.J.Williams

unregistered wrote: »

There is a boy on my road who is home alone for about 2.5hours per day. He is 8, makes his own way home from school (walking about a mile), lets himself into the house and often goes out to play with other kids on the road until his older brother gets in from secondary school. Both parents get home after 7pm.

I am a mum myself and this situation has me very worried. The fact that these are not Irish is not relevant really, but I just mention it because I have read that this is the culture in their country, and it's not unusal at all.

Is there someone I can ring? I don't necessarily want to ring my local garda station because I'm not sure if they can do anything.

Sometimes, when I am at home myself, this boy is out playing with my own child and I will give him a drink or something to eat as my heart breaks for him - apparently, there is food left out for him when he gets in from school etc...I need to do something though.

Start a post on boards.ie that should save the poor kid!

Jessica0

Well, it is really pathetic. Children at this age need care, and they need friends with whom, they can play...why dont you go and suggest the children's parents to go let that child play with some friends,? or at least, that child can be let with some neighbour hood friends to play...Childern alone at this stage,,it can really be fatal later on....................

UDP

Orion wrote: »

They may well react positively to your concern for their child's welfare.

I very much doubt that.

irelandrover

unregistered wrote: »

Sometimes, when I am at home myself, this boy is out playing with my own child and I will give him a drink or something to eat as my heart breaks for him - apparently, there is food left out for him when he gets in from school etc...I need to do something though.

Jessica0 wrote: »

Well, it is really pathetic. Children at this age need care, and they need friends with whom, they can play...why dont you go and suggest the children's parents to go let that child play with some friends,? or at least, that child can be let with some neighbour hood friends to play...Childern alone at this stage,,it can really be fatal later on....................

He does have children to play with. Also it is stated that his parents do a lot with him at the weekends. Really I think you overreacted massively.

UDP

unregistered wrote: »

Sometimes, when I am at home myself, this boy is out playing with my own child and I will give him a drink or something to eat as my heart breaks for him - apparently, there is food left out for him when he gets in from school etc...I need to do something though.

why do you feel the need to feed him if he hasnt a shortage if food our drink? Maybe he doesn't mind being alone for an hour or two. Maybe the parents cannot afford or have no opportunity to have someone there? There are so many possibilities here. Tbh unless you see signs our neglect or abuse or something then its none of your business. If you see big risk then report then for neglect but social services may not agree with you.

LegacyUser

OP again.

Just to clarify, some of you have said 'an hour or two'. I have said a few times now that it is 2.5 hours (minimum) and sometimes longer as the brother does afterschool activities and is often not home until 6pm. So there are days when it could be 3 hours.

When people say, 'if you don't see any OBVIOUS signs of neglect'....is leaving an 8yr old alone for 2 and a half to three hours monday to friday not neglect in itself????

LegacyUser

UDP wrote: »

why do you feel the need to feed him if he hasnt a shortage if food our drink?

Because he's EIGHT!! And I'm a mother myself, and there's no way I would leave an 8yr old to fend for themselves!! There are a myriad of things that could happen to him with no adult supervision for 2.5hours a day!

Stench Blossoms

Maybe he is more mature than your kids?

If he has food left out for him I don't know why your feeding him.

Mention it to the parents if you see a problem with it.

Orion

unregistered wrote: »

When people say, 'if you don't see any OBVIOUS signs of neglect'....is leaving an 8yr old alone for 2 and a half to three hours monday to friday not neglect in itself????

I'm close to closing this thread before tempers get too frayed. One question mark/exclamation point is more than ample to make your point.

If you believe that the child is being neglected then you can (in fact are obliged to) report it to the authorities. You can get details for child services here.

LegacyUser

I don't know why one word in block capitals and three exclamation marks would make you close a thread.

I came here to ask for advice, to see what others might do in my situation. A situation where I don't know the parents involved, where I am obviously reluctant to ring the authorities immediately (which is why I came here for advice).

I am concernd for this kid and don't exactly know what to do, without bringing trouble to my own door. What's the problem with that?

silverharp

unregistered wrote: »

OP again.

Just to clarify, some of you have said 'an hour or two'. I have said a few times now that it is 2.5 hours (minimum) and sometimes longer as the brother does afterschool activities and is often not home until 6pm. So there are days when it could be 3 hours.

When people say, 'if you don't see any OBVIOUS signs of neglect'....is leaving an 8yr old alone for 2 and a half to three hours monday to friday not neglect in itself????

In absolute terms no, If I remember correctly I was left alone at that age because i could be trusted. You dont have enough to go on, for all you know there is a nice meal for him when he gets in and he might be under instructions to ring one of the parents when he gets in. it doesnt sound ideal, but kids have a way of adapting if needs must. The parents sound like functional members of society compared to the 100's of kids around Dublin with drug addled parents so I'd give them the benefit of the doubt

January

unregistered wrote: »

I don't know why one word in block capitals and three exclamation marks would make you close a thread.

I came here to ask for advice, to see what others might do in my situation. A situation where I don't know the parents involved, where I am obviously reluctant to ring the authorities immediately (which is why I came here for advice).

I am concernd for this kid and don't exactly know what to do, without bringing trouble to my own door. What's the problem with that?

As Orion said, if you suspect neglect then you are obliged to contact the authorities. You can make an anonymous phone call, details are in the link in Orion's post.

There's not a lot much more advice we can give you here.

Thread closed.