Who pays for bridesmaids' & groomsmen's hotel room?

Janey_Mac

Hi all,

Not having been part of a wedding party before, I have no idea whether it's traditional/expected/normal for the bride and groom to pay for the wedding party's hotel rooms.

Obviously, it'd be nice not to have to and to have a little more to spend on entertainment or flowers or what have you, but I've no problem doing it if it's expected.

Mr. Presentable

They should pay for their own rooms. It is not obligatory they stay in the hotel overnight.

Jogathon

Bridesmaids and Groomsmen shouldn't have to pay for their rooms. That's normal, and I've been bridesmaid 3 times. Normal guests pay for their own.

Sleepy

This is another of those topics that always causes a row when one side of the discussion accuse the other of being tight-fisted whilst those on the other side accuse the others of needlessly wasting daddy's money...

Personally, we're not paying for rooms for bridesmaids/groomsmen as we're doing everything on a tight budget. I wouldn't expect it myself if I was a groomsman as I'd already be having my suit being paid for!

angeldelight

It's totally up to you. We are paying for the rooms, but we just have a best man and maid of honour so it's only 2 rooms. Also my MOH does not have the slightest interest in material things so giving her a gift to say thank you would have been pointless so I just said I'd pay for her room to say thanks, and then we paid for best mans too

Sleepy

Jogathon wrote: »

Bridesmaids and Groomsmen shouldn't have to pay for their rooms. That's normal, and I've been bridesmaid 3 times. Normal guests pay for their own.

It's normal in your experience. Other's will have been bridesmaid 3 times and paid for their rooms each time.

IMHO, we as a country need to get away from spending money we don't have based on notions of what is/isn't "normal". IMO, paying for rooms for the parents / bridal party is a nice gesture if the couple have the budget for it but I certainly wouldn't cut back on more important areas (food, wine, band) to cover it.

Likewise, if the wedding budget was 30/40k and in an expensive hotel, I'd think it a bit unfair of a bride / groom not to offer to pay for the rooms and being insulted if the bridal party wanted to stay elsewhere...

travellingbid

See what your hotel can offer you. My sister got 8 rooms included along with bridal suite so it covered most of the bridal party, they only had to pay for one room and it was very much appreciated:)

donalg1

IMO they should pay for their own rooms, they dont have to stay in the hotel, and they should know that the wedding is costing the Bride and Groom enough already without having to pay for their rooms too.

Jogathon

Sleepy wrote: »

It's normal in your experience. Other's will have been bridesmaid 3 times and paid for their rooms each time.

IMHO, we as a country need to get away from spending money we don't have based on notions of what is/isn't "normal". IMO, paying for rooms for the parents / bridal party is a nice gesture if the couple have the budget for it but I certainly wouldn't cut back on more important areas (food, wine, band) to cover it.

Likewise, if the wedding budget was 30/40k and in an expensive hotel, I'd think it a bit unfair of a bride / groom not to offer to pay for the rooms and being insulted if the bridal party wanted to stay elsewhere...

This has been my experience. So it is a valid point. I only ever heard of one person who had to pay for her room when she was a bridesmaid and she was livid. €200 as it was an expensive hotel and she's single so couldn't half the cost of it. I thought that was a bit cheeky, especially when the bride(zilla) insisted that she stay in the hotel.

Sleepy

Well, that's what I mean: if a Bride/Groom wants to insist on anyone staying in the hotel they would be obliged to foot the bill in my opinion.

My circles are obviously different to yours as there's definitely a more even split on whether or not rooms were paid for bridal party amongst friends who've been in bridal parties or getting married. Just don't do like one couple I've heard of where the groomsmens rooms were paid for and the bridesmaids had to cover their own!!!

Janey_Mac

Thanks for the answers! It seems it's not set in stone at all. Ignoring the Judgey Tones Of Judgement in various comments, I will take this as an optional nice thing that can be done, but not an obligation.

We did get a deal from the hotel on rooms alright, and there would only be three rooms needed. They would need to pay to stay *somewhere* as it would be a circa €80 taxi ride home for most of them! I'll have a think, taking into account the wedding budget and the broke-ness (or not) of our bridesmaids and groomsmen, and make a decision.

seamus

Typically you pay for any costs that the bridemaids/groomsmen have which is beyond the normal cost of a wedding.

Or more simply, if you insist on them having/wearing/using/doing something then you pay for it.

Linoge

CBM and best man do a lot of work on the day and in the run up (all to ensure that you have the best day). They shouldnt be treated like the rest of the guests imo, especially when the expense would be to attend your wedding to help you out.

Thoie

I'd offer to pay for the hotel rooms for the wedding party, as they *have* to attend the wedding. Normal guests could decide, based on their own finances, that they can't afford to attend, and save their money and not go. The wedding party doesn't have the luxury of saying "No, I can't afford to attend your wedding".

mrkiscool2

Janey_Mac wrote: »

Thanks for the answers! It seems it's not set in stone at all. Ignoring the Judgey Tones Of Judgement in various comments, I will take this as an optional nice thing that can be done, but not an obligation.

We did get a deal from the hotel on rooms alright, and there would only be three rooms needed. They would need to pay to stay *somewhere* as it would be a circa €80 taxi ride home for most of them! I'll have a think, taking into account the wedding budget and the broke-ness (or not) of our bridesmaids and groomsmen, and make a decision.

Yep, and paying for the room would save them on the taxi, and, if they have a partner, give them a nice night away from the house! Also, in relation to what other people saying about "they have no choice to come or not" there are two things to say to that
a. They don't have to accept the position as part of the wedding party and
b. They don't have to pay for their dress/suit costs, dinner, the wine they get if they are at the head table and they will forever be loved by the groom/bride

However, if one of your wedding party is EXTREMELY stuck for money, try and come to a compromise i.e. pay for half the cost of the room or something like that. Also, do really try and squeeze a few free rooms out of the hotel, in these recessionary times, there is so much choice for a wedding reception the person wanting the wedding has a lot of bargaining power.

El Carlito

I was a bestman at a wedding recently and paid for my own room. The groom will be my bestman for my own wedding next year and he'll be paying for his own room.

If you can afford to pay for them do, if not then don't. I personally think it would be a bit cheeky if BM's & GM's expected their rooms to be paid for, given the amount of money a couple have to pay for their wedding in the first place.

PCPhoto

looks like I must discuss something with herself tonight ...we're going to look at our venue tomorrow and maybe put a deposit down (so will ask to throw in some extra rooms...or drop the price of rooms for guests .... will have approx 120-150 and most if not all will be staying in the hotel)

Janey_Mac

mrkiscool2 wrote: »

Yep, and paying for the room would save them on the taxi, and, if they have a partner, give them a nice night away from the house! Also, in relation to what other people saying about "they have no choice to come or not" there are two things to say to that
a. They don't have to accept the position as part of the wedding party and
b. They don't have to pay for their dress/suit costs, dinner, the wine they get if they are at the head table and they will forever be loved by the groom/bride

However, if one of your wedding party is EXTREMELY stuck for money, try and come to a compromise i.e. pay for half the cost of the room or something like that. Also, do really try and squeeze a few free rooms out of the hotel, in these recessionary times, there is so much choice for a wedding reception the person wanting the wedding has a lot of bargaining power.

Ehm... no. I'm going to do what I said I would in the post you just quoted. I would have appreciated opinions that weren't worded as a series of instructions/directions/orders. It's not your job to force me to have an economical wedding, dude. (I'm already having one, which is why I should be able to afford three rooms at an inexpensive hotel as a nice thing to do for the dear friends who will be the wedding party.)

lazygal

I think this is something that should be in the budget from the start. I don't understand the 'weddings are expensive enough without paying for rooms' argument, you've asked people to play a specific role in your day, make themselves available for pictures, sit at a top table and more than likely told them what to wear and given then a few jobs. Once you've decided who you want to be in your bridal party, money should be set aside to cover all expenses involved in that, including rooms.

hoodwinked

Janey_Mac wrote: »

Thanks for the answers! It seems it's not set in stone at all. Ignoring the Judgey Tones Of Judgement in various comments, I will take this as an optional nice thing that can be done, but not an obligation.

We did get a deal from the hotel on rooms alright, and there would only be three rooms needed. They would need to pay to stay *somewhere* as it would be a circa €80 taxi ride home for most of them! I'll have a think, taking into account the wedding budget and the broke-ness (or not) of our bridesmaids and groomsmen, and make a decision.

if its an €80 taxi ride home its fairly cheeky of you to not pay their room considering the effort they put into your wedding, and all the running around they will be doing.


for us we are paying for our entire bridal party, (the parents rooms were thrown in) we aren't having a lavish wedding <€5000 but we did budget the rooms for them as its a €50 taxi for some and the rest live further away then that from our hotel.

you have to at least pay for the best man's and the maid of honor as part of the wedding party (and/or top table sitters) they will have to do speeches/toasts and will probably be drinking and trying to enjoy your day, is it fair for you to leave them high and dry when your day is over and their work is done at 2am?


if you are really stuck financially then mention you will pay for their rooms in lieu of giving them gifts.

but i would budget the cost of the rooms like you would budget the dress, the suits, or the cake, or the venue, a day related cost.

Sleepy

I suppose there's an element of "what do you expect from your Bridal party?" to this too.

If like lazygal and hoodwinked you're assigning them jobs etc. it might lean you towards paying for their rooms. For ourselves, we're not going to be doing hours of photographs or assigning them any tasks so them being part of our bridal party is more asking them to stand beside us during one of the biggest events of our lives. It's about us saying "you're important people in our lives and we'd like you to share this with us a little more than most of our other friends.

Clareman

When we got married I decided not to get involved with the booking of any of the rooms for the hotel, I used to work in a hotel and the amount of confusion with people was unbelievable, I figured as we were paying for everything ourselves it wasn't beyond reason for people to pay for their own rooms. Also, if you are paying for your bestman/bridesmaid's room why aren't you paying for your whole family's rooms as well, after that why not pay for your friends rooms as well.

Just my 2 cents I guess

Balmed Out

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=76883294

Have a look at that thread, same issue. It really depends on whats normal among your peers. From my own perspective excluding this website I have never come across anyone paying for the bridal parties rooms.

Raphael

It's one of those many things that's either a silly old tradition or critically important, depending who you ask. So do what you want.

For general wedding budgetyness, here's the rule we stuck to when we weren't sure - ask the people if affects! My wife and I had a pretty budget wedding, as we're still in college, so we had to do things cheaply where possible. We didn't pay for rooms, and in fact we didn't even cover the cost of clothes - bridesmaids were given a colour to stay near, but sorted themselves out, lads hired kilts and I covered half of them. Sure it's against 'the rules', but before we decided that, we asked them if it was a problem - and they all said no. Which was more important to us than what the done thing is.

girl_friday

I've been chief bridesmaid twice. Once for a friend and once for my sister. Neither paid for my room and only one gave a present or thank you card. Do what you feel comfortable with!

lazygal

Sleepy wrote: »

I suppose there's an element of "what do you expect from your Bridal party?" to this too.

If like lazygal and hoodwinked you're assigning them jobs etc. it might lean you towards paying for their rooms. For ourselves, we're not going to be doing hours of photographs or assigning them any tasks so them being part of our bridal party is more asking them to stand beside us during one of the biggest events of our lives. It's about us saying "you're important people in our lives and we'd like you to share this with us a little more than most of our other friends.

Just to clarify, we didn't really assign jobs as such, but the best man is expected to make a speech and collect cards, sort out any niggly things on the day and the bridesmaid to give the bride a hand with the dress, both have to give up time for pictures etc. We only had one of each because that was our budget, when we asked them we factored in all the costs, including the necessity of rooms if required, into our overall budget.

gimmick

We are not paying for the Groomsmen/Bridesmaids rooms. They were given the option of staying or not.

I was a groomsman last year and paid for my own room. Didn't expect the married couple to pay for it. They had enough expenses as it was.

I was one of four bridesmaids, actually only picked to even out the wedding party! and i paid for my own room and never would have expected the bride and groom to pay for it. I knew I didnt have to stay in the hotel, and i was fully aware that there were several B&B's in the area that offered cheaper accomodation.

The Bride and groom have a lot more to pay for than people appreciate, its a 100 little things that all add up, they find themselves wondering where will it stop, the bridal party should be supportive and not expect them to pay for their room. However if the bride insisted that i stay in the hotel i would probably rethink being her bridesmaid.

Gatica

My OH was best man couple of years ago, it was an expensive hotel and we stayed two nights. We paid for our room for the two nights ourselves. We were not offended in the least and didn't expect them to pay for our room for even the one night. It was a lavish two day affair and I know they could've afforded to pay for bridal party rooms for one of the nights.
We stayed for the two days because we wanted to. We had a great time and it never entered our minds that we would've enjoyed or appreciated it any more if they'd paid for it. My OH had a very busy day directing guests, collecting gifts and giving a speech. I barely saw him 'til dinner. Still, what I said above applies.

We're getting married this year. We're not paying or budgeting for our bridal party rooms. We got NO free rooms from the hotel. We're chipping in for some of the rooms in proportion to how much help we think they'd need with it.

Our bridal party didn't have to accept the "honour" of being in the bridal party. They could've simply declined. They're not in the country until almost wedding-time and will have only a few things to do on the day. They would've attended the wedding even if they weren't in the bridal party anyway.

OP, do as you think is best in your own situation. Your own summary sounded right. btw, I don't think mrkiscool2 was trying to be "instructive" and was only defending your right to either pay or not pay for your bridal party's rooms.

xflyer

Really surprised at some of the preachy and pedantic attitudes of some here. But as others pointed out, it's your wedding. Do what suits you or you can afford.

For my wedding which was by no means big budget, there never was a question of the either the MoH or best man paying for their rooms. We also paid for rooms for my Mother and another for the priest, who it happens was her uncle. We also got a discount for anyone else staying and the hotel was kind enough to provide a list of local B&Bs for anyone else. The hotel was a bit out of the way so there never was a question in our minds of not paying for the main characters at the wedding. It simply never crossed our minds not to do so.

But that's just us. Everyone has their own way. As a rule though I would have thought all hotels are well used to this and will either throw in several rooms as part of the price and will offer discounts for other guests. After all it's not in their best interests for everyone to run out after the event and stay in the neighbouring discount hotel.

It was similar question with having children at the wedding. Many people say no way, it just never occurred to us not to invite them. In the end there were 15 children of various ages all sitting at the one table. They were all good as gold.

It was a great day all round and in the end that is the most important thing of all. Enjoying the day.

Please tell me where people are being "preachy" and "pendandic", at least no one is patting themsleves on the back about shelling out rooms for "the main charachters"

Ickle Magoo

seamus wrote: »

Typically you pay for any costs that the bridemaids/groomsmen have which is beyond the normal cost of a wedding.

Or more simply, if you insist on them having/wearing/using/doing something then you pay for it.

^^ This.

As our wedding was in a different country to some and city to other bridesmaids/groomsmen, we paid for their rooms.

Ultimately I think it comes down to where your wedding is being held and thus the necessity of having to have rooms - it was something always factored into our basic wedding costs as we didn't like the idea that those who had already given time in dress fittings and writing/giving speeches should also be left considerably out of pocket for the privilege.

tinkerbell

^ this. I think you should pay if it's in a different city / country than where your bridal party live. Quite often if it's in another location, the bride and groom want the bridal party to all stay at the venue the night before. Add that to staying the night of the wedding, it all adds up. If you were a normal guest you wouldn't need to stay 2 nights.

A friend of mine was bridesmaid a while back and they got married up the country, 2 to 3 hour drive away from where they lived. Bride and groom expected all bridal party to stay in hotel both nights and the price of the rooms was astronomical - for 2 nights it was around €500. Add that to a wedding present, drink, etc. It was just so expensive. In their case, the b&g also wanted people to stay the 3rd night but they just said no.

Add that to a wedding present, drinks, cost of travel etc and you're talking nearly €800, it's just insane.

circleskane

I think there is definitely wisdom in the comment that said to try come to an arrangement with the hotel for multiple room bookings. that 8 free frooms with the bridal suite deal sounds excellent. do you know which hotel it was for?

I was at a wedding recently enough where there was a 'wedding rate' on the rooms - if you are in fact the bride i'm sure there is room for a deal ?

xflyer

Deleted User wrote: »

Please tell me where people are being "preachy" and "pendandic", at least no one is patting themsleves on the back about shelling out rooms for "the main charachters"

That's precisely the attitude I'm talking about. If you've nothing constructive to offer why bother to post at all? It was our wedding and we wanted to best day we could organise for everyone involved. No patting on the back involved just offering our experience.

Pathetic!

blondie29

I've been bridesmaid 3 times and all the times paid for my own accommodation except the last time as hotel gave the night of wedding free although we had to pay for night before and after. It was my bro's wedd down in tipp so would have been paying for it either way.

I would never expect bride n groom to pay for bridal party accommodation there's enough expense. Turn down roll if you cannot afford.

I'm getting married next year and we will not be paying for bridal party staying over.