friend wants me to spend every 5 mins with her? getting creepy!!

LegacyUser

Having a problem with a friend of mine and even though I have spoken to her about this many times she still does it and im getting pretty close to just blowing up about it. We are both 27- known each other 5 years, both married, and live about 5 minute walk away from each others houses. But she does and says a few things have have seriously began to annoy me, and even though ive called her on it she keeps doing/saying them.

1. I am very close to my sister, I mind her kids while she works 3 days a week and even on my days off I pop out for a visit and stay for dinner etc . My friend however seems very jealous of this. If she contacts me when im there she snarls and says stuff like “Jesus your like lesbians rather than sisters”. I was in the park the other day, and my friend rang me and when she found out I was with my sister she got very snarly and said “Oh I am SO surprised, be a bigger shock if ya wernt with her- why don’t ya just sleep with her” and hung up. She got a right bollocking off me and started crying on the phone saying “Why are you always with her I though we were best friends”

2. She has no concept of couples wanting some alone time together, and no concept of if people don’t answer her back they are busy. Last week was our wedding annivsery, my hubby was off work so we were in bed having a lie in, and she called my phone, my hubbys phone and the house phone. And when she didn’t get an answer she came over and kept her finger on the bell until she woke us. I gave out sting and told her we were spending the day together alone, 10 minutes later she text “Fancy coming to town for coffee?” This has happened more than once, and sometimes she doesn’t even ring- she just shows up at my door and tries to walk in, I had my in laws over for dinner last month and bell was broken, so she came in the side gate and started knocking on back window even though I told her I couldn’t see her that day. If she texts me and I don’t answer ive tonnes of missed calls from her, Cant even have a bath without her ringing me

3. When I am in town I always have tonnes to do, I have a few older neighbours that I do a few bits for if they cant get into town. I always meet her for coffee even though I have lots to do but she sees that as an invite to spend the day with me, even though ive to pay my bills, do shopping for a few neighbours (never mind my own) do housework and dinner etc and she expects me to drive her around to do her bits even though her hubbys still at home asleep in bed. I had my NCT recently and she got thick because I hadn’t “invited her” It’s a ****ing car test not a birthday party!

I have spoken to her about this many times and she always makes excuses -her excuse for abusing me when im at my sisters is “You spend too much time there”, for arriving at my house all the time is “You never answer your phone” and for the town thing is “Oh your always too busy with your sister and ignoring my calls and it’s the only time I see you”

Now this woman is not working and spends her days eating and watching tv, and her house is a kip and she can bearly boil an egg, and she doesn’t talk to her family. Whereas Ive work and gym, cleaning and cooking , I do messages for my neighbours and I love spending time with my family and she seems to seriously resent that I don’t spend every 5 minutes spare I have with her. Its getting a lil bit creepy tbh

mood

I would want to get her out of my life if I were you.

However, you may want to try talking to her and/or her husband and tell them you will no longer have any contact with her if she continues to abuse you and disrespect you. Tell them she has to understand you need time with other people.

To be honest she sounds a bit obsessed.

LegacyUser

OP been there done that and advice is shut her down and cut her out of your life now! When I was around 12/13 my mum made friends with a woman just like that. She drove us insane calling our phone none stop. My dad had a go at her and she then started hanging up if anyone but my mum answered. My dad would just call her back to give out so she started going to the payphone on the corner so my dad would giver her time to get home and then would call her house phone demanding to know what she wanted. She called up nearly every night during the week. Joined the golf club my parents were in even though she never played. She would just wait for them in the club bar. Like yourself OP she bitched at my mum when she visited her sisters [her 3 sisters live on the other side of the country so going to visit them was a big deal for my mum and when one came down my mum wanted one on one time with them but this woman kept showing up] She came up one christmas day when my mums family had come down from Dublin and we were in the middle of eating. She brought her two kids and told them to "do their party pieces" and had them singing while we were trying to eat and didn't leave till nearly midnight. My aunts just looked at my mum trying to figure out who this mad one was. My mum tired talking to her but it fell on deaf ears.

It didn't start so bad but was pretty full on for well over a year and we all just snapped and told my mum she had to go or her husband and kids would. She told this woman it just wasn't on and then cut her out. this is really the only option OP, there's no half measures you can do. She won't change, she'll claim to listen when you try and discuss the issues but won't really hear anything. It's going to be awkward as she will keep trying to call and arrive to your house but keep firm and just tell her no.

LegacyUser

Why are you even friends with this woman? A friendship involves two people putting in effort and getting enjoyment out of knowing each other. This woman seems to be using you as an emotional crutch and a time-filler. Do you feel sorry for her? Do you even like her? Either way, you're going to have to put your foot down and enforce some boundaries... seriously. If someone repeatedly rang my phone(s) and then the bell of my door until I answered, they'd be getting a serious talking-to! That is not on! What the hell are you thinking, allowing her to treat you like that?! Stand up to her, for god's sake.

Oryx

You dont sound as if you like her very much. So why have her in your life? Is it because you dont think you can be rid of her, or she is too close for comfort if you do fall out?

Either way, her behaviour is way out of line. So tell her, bluntly and fully, that you dont want her to behave like that any more or you will not remain her friend. No excuses or reasons. You are entitled to your private life without her, and the only way to to get that into her head is to first tell her, then follow through in your actions. If she phones tell her you cant talk. If she calls, tell her she cant come in if you are busy. Dont meet for coffee if it doesnt suit you. Start calling the shots here!

username123

Total emotional vampire, wants to be in on everything. Sounds lonely, maybe depressed, far too interested in someone elses life and absolutely no respect for boundaries.

The only way to deal with these people is to be blunt with them. Stop engaging with her.

Just to use the examples from your post - when on the phone if she made a comment to me about my sister and I being like lesbians, I would have hung up and switched off the phone. I wouldnt be bothered with a bollocking and her tears etc...thats just engaging with her, which is what she wants.

I would ignore her at the door, on the phone, text messages etc... unless I was in a position to talk to her or I wanted to. But I wouldnt be bothered giving out to her, Id simply ignore her - its attention she wants whether negative or positive.

Stop meeting her for coffee - do your own thing.

Tbh Id be dropping all contact and if she attempts to make contact Id be ignoring that or telling her out straight to go away.

A friend of mine had a neighbour who didnt work and used to literally sit in her window watching people and coming straight to their homes if she saw them coming home from work, if she saw a visitor arriving, if she saw anyone calling to the house. My friend used to be quite blunt 'I have a visitor, you are not welcome now'. And she'd shut the door. End of.

Big Bag of Chips

Yeah - I think the time for trying to be nice is gone. She has no regard for your feelings so I don't see why you should have much regard for her.

If she showed up on my door at a time that was inappropriate I would tell her "Not now. I haven't time", and close the door. (Or maybe not even open the door - call down to her from a window!)

If she tries to meet you in town just tell her, you don't have time you have too much to do.

I almost feel sorry for her, because clearly you are the only interest she has in her life. But it is not your job to be her babysitter. If it suits you, and more importantly if you want to.. then meet with her. But the more you put yourself out for her or arrange to meet her, them more she will look for your attention.

Before you came along she managed (probably by hanging out of someone else!) so stop being available to her, and she'll move onto some other poor misfortunate!

Daisy M

She is a vicious nasty piece of work. What sort of person calls 2 sisters lesbians and asks why you dont just sleep with her? I think she is trying to make you uncomfortable about your relationship with your sister and believe something is wrong with it so that you will spend more time with her. Her behaviour is not normal she sounds fascinated with you more like a stalker than a friend. Is it possible she is in love with you?

Killed By Death

Oh my God OP. :eek:

You need to terminate the 'friendship' immediately. Her behaviour is horrible and ridiculous. But it's not your problem.

Look, you sound like a kind soul, you must be to have put up with this outrageous abuse for so long, but it has to stop. She has no respect for you, your boundaries or privacy. As for the things she said about your sister and yourself, they are sick.

She obviously as problems, but they are not your problem and you can't fix her. Stop enabling her by calling this a 'friendship'. It's not,, no friend would treat you like this. It's totally unacceptable and unreasonable.

I suggest you be very blunt with her and prepare that she will probably kick off. There is nothing you can do about that, just don't be suprised. If she escalates attempted contact, call the Guards.

tinkerbell

Jees OP, your "friend" sounds like an absolute psycho, her behaviour is NOT normal. Honestly, I would cut all ties with her - tell her you are fed up with her crap and are not tolerating it any more, and you no longer wish to be friends.

poozers

wow op! i agree with everyone here, she needs to be cut out right now! how dare she say those things about you and your sister?! do not tolerate her behaviour! that situation sounds like a nightmare.
you need to be harsh with this woman. otherwise she wont get it! just sever the tie. i wouldnt even be nice about it!
i would genuinely like to hear how you deal with this problem and how it works out. keep us updated if you can

Green Gelato

Are you sure she doen't have a bit of a girl-crush? She sounds like she's obsessed with you!

Ickle Magoo

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The Lovely Muffin

I agree with others here OP, your friends behaviour is way out of line.

Ringing mobiles, landlines, ringing bells/knocking on doors, waking people up etc, it not on.

And as for what she said about you and your sister, that was absolutely disgusting, and she said it knowing your sister would be in the background and would possibly be able to hear what was being said.

Maybe she is jealous because you have such a good relationship with your sister/family and she doesn't have that with her own family.

I'd have cut her out of my life a long time ago, no question about it, she's not a friend, and certainly not a best friend. No friend would speak about you and your family the way she has spoken about yours.

As for wanting to be involved in everything (trips to town etc), tell her bluntly she cannot come along as you have far too much to do and don't have time for coffee etc.

I don't know how you have put up with her this long OP, I wouldn't have the patience to let it go on a few weeks/months, let alone years! Fair play to you OP, you have a lot of patience.

Plek Trum

If I were you, I would nip this in the butt and fast.
You don't have to be curel and harsh (you don't know how she'll react? but state simply and clearly that you are busy, have things today and that you'll be in touch if you have time to meet her for a coffee.

She sounds quite unhinged and to be honest, you really shouldnt have someone like this in your life if she is THAT unpredictable and insistant. Stick to your guns and be firm - do not become involved in any emotional blackmail etc.

Continue your life as normal, do your jobs, have your visitors BUT be SURE to tell her clearly when she is out of line. Get on with your own life but filter her out of it. If you react to her pettiness she will persist so ignore it, pretend you dont see it and keep repeating 'no thanks, can't make it, sorry I'm busy right now etc'

If she persists to harrass you after this I would have a quiet chat with your local community Gardai officer privately and ask their advice on how best to proceed.

LegacyUser

Hi this is the O.P, first of all thank you for all the replies, i was worried maybe i was being a bit of a bitch tbh but now i see its not just me:)

A lot of you have been saying to talk to her about this, as previously posted i have talked to her about this numerous times and it ends up with her crying and wailing that "you dont want to spend any time with me, i thought we were best friends etc"

A few people here have said she could fancy me, and it has been said before by a few people i know including my family, at her wedding she wanted a "best friend dance" with me after her 1st dance with her husband, and i said no way. She got offended and said she had already picked the song (Suddenly by angry anderson- which is a bloomin love song)

She has a few other friends that i dont really know, she used to go out with me and my other friends every now and again but that stopped because my friends said to be they were getting a lesbian vibe off her (the way she was with me) and that they didnt like it.

My husbands starting to lose the rag with it too, she rang him at work yesterday because i wasnt answering the front door and he roared at her and called her a stalker.Water off a ducks back to her- she didnt even seem to hear it.

My husband has decided he is going over to her house after work today- telling her to stay away from both of us ! This is going to be hard!!

tinkerbell

OP, you shouldn't be let your husband fight your battles for you. Unless it comes from you, she's not gonna stop her psycho behaviour. Tonight, don't let your husband go by himself - you go over and have him there as a support. You should be the one telling her to feck off though. Seriously OP, cut her out of your life. She is absolutely nutso. And IMO she fancies the ass off you, defo she has a major crush.

LegacyUser

tinkerbell wrote: »

OP, you shouldn't be let your husband fight your battles for you. Unless it comes from you, she's not gonna stop her psycho behaviour. Tonight, don't let your husband go by himself - you go over and have him there as a support. You should be the one telling her to feck off though. Seriously OP, cut her out of your life. She is absolutely nutso. And IMO she fancies the ass off you, defo she has a major crush.

+1 OP she's not going to listen to your husband and in fact it may make things worse as she'll just view it as him being jealous of your friendship and speaking to her behind your back etc etc. As I mentioned in my other post my mum had something similar and my dad was very quick to tell the woman in question to get lost and she never paid any notice to him. Viewed it as him doing it without my mums knowledge and therefore nothing to take seriously. I don't personally think it's worth trying to speak to her as you've already said she doesn't listen. You need to take the hard line and cut her out. Ignore her calls, texts and if she calls around and catches you coming in/out of the house just be direct and tell her to go away. It may be a very awkward couple of weeks/months but it's the best way to end the cycle.

mood

tinkerbell wrote: »

OP, you shouldn't be let your husband fight your battles for you. Unless it comes from you, she's not gonna stop her psycho behaviour. Tonight, don't let your husband go by himself - you go over and have him there as a support. You should be the one telling her to feck off though. Seriously OP, cut her out of your life. She is absolutely nutso. And IMO she fancies the ass off you, defo she has a major crush.

I would also advise doing this in front for her husband. He needs to know what is going on.

Daisy M

Hi op I would have no issue with you getting your husband to do this as so far she seems to take no notice of what you say to her. Personally speaking I think you should go along and leave this woman under no doubt that you feel the same as your husband. I think you need to accept that this woman has very very strong feelings for you (the best friends dance idea is weird and the choice of song speaks volumes) but let these feelings make excuses for her behaviour as its not normal or acceptable.

mood

Regardless of this woman's sexuality she seem very unstable. She need professional help. However, this is no reason for you to stay friends with her. Her husband need to know what is going on. He is her next of kin and need to ensure she get help. This is not normal at all.

LegacyUser

Hi all this is the op. First of all i didnt want my husband to go over there to her, few people seem to get the impression i sent my husband over to deal with her,i didnt, he decided to do it because of her calling him in work when i didnt answer the door... He just had enough.

We both went over there about four o clock and made sure her husband was there. Long story short we both told her we were sick of everything, i highlighted everything i said here and i told her she was turning into a stalker . Her husband was furious with us, he thinks that i ignore his wife and that im always spending with other people. He is just like her.

We told her to never contact us again and we walked out. Since then iv had to turn off my phone and plug off my housephone because she keeps calling us

The Lovely Muffin

At least now you and your husband have told her not to contact you again, hopefully she'll calm down after a while and leave you alone.

It's a disgrace that you've had to turn off your mobile and landline phone's because of her, I hope she doesn't come call over and start banging on your door or ringing your bell.

Good luck OP, I hope this is the end of it for you.

Killed By Death

I'd report it to the guards OP, just to be on the safe side. Get it on record (the continuing calls) as she can be done for it if all else fails. It'll show her you're serious as she doesn't seem to want to get it.

mood

Creepiii wrote: »

Hi all this is the op. First of all i didnt want my husband to go over there to her, few people seem to get the impression i sent my husband over to deal with her,i didnt, he decided to do it because of her calling him in work when i didnt answer the door... He just had enough.

We both went over there about four o clock and made sure her husband was there. Long story short we both told her we were sick of everything, i highlighted everything i said here and i told her she was turning into a stalker . Her husband was furious with us, he thinks that i ignore his wife and that im always spending with other people. He is just like her.

We told her to never contact us again and we walked out. Since then iv had to turn off my phone and plug off my housephone because she keeps calling us

But you are entitled to spend your time how you please!

Just ignore them for a few days and if they continue to contact you consider going to the guards.

Did the husband know about her wanting a friends dance at the wedding and her calling your husband at work?

Daisy M

You could probably block her number from calling your mobile. Dont be tempted to let this woman back in your life no matter how much she begs or pleas. Its amazing how little shame she has. If someone told me I was ringing or calling around too much I would be mortified and I doubt they would ever hear from me again!

Pa Dee

Daisy M wrote: »

You could probably block her number from calling your mobile. Dont be tempted to let this woman back in your life no matter how much she begs or pleas. Its amazing how little shame she has. If someone told me I was ringing or calling around too much I would be mortified and I doubt they would ever hear from me again!

I don't believe it is possible to block numbers as you describe

Daisy M

Pa Dee wrote: »

I don't believe it is possible to block numbers as you describe

It is I have tested it out myself. Its in the phone settings some phones are more complicated than others. My sis and I tested it on her phone blocking mine and at first it was still allowing me to ring her but after about 20 min it blocked the number. I think it may have still allowed texts not 100% on that side of it.

Green Gelato

Hmm. This story reminds me of the Ian McEwan novel Enduring Love...based on a real (though rare) clinical syndrome.

[PS I'm not giving medical advice!!]

OMG I just listened to that song Suddenly on Youtube cause I didn't know it - genuinely creeped out now!!
"Every part of me needs to know every part of you" - what the heck!!

Salty

What an awful situation to find yourself in, I really feel sorry for you! You've done all you can do besides go to the guards at this stage. Have you considered changing your mobile numbers (both your's and your husband's)? I'm not sure if it's possible to get a new landline number, but considering how extreme this situation is, it might be worth doing.

If she can't ring you, the only thing she can do is turn up at your house, and you know exactly what to do if she does so...ignore her or tell her she's not welcome to come in.

Good luck with it! I hope it turns out right for you in the end!

Fluorescence

Would it be worth getting a new mobile number so she can't keep harassing you that way? Sounds like it might take a while yet for your message to sink in.

Stavro Mueller

I certainly wouldn't be going changing my numbers over that witch. If she rings the land line again, just pick up the receiver, leave it down on the table and go do some housework. She'll soon tire of ringing up. The same with the mobile phone.

You can go into your mobile provider and explain to them that you are getting constant phone calls and texts from said number and that it is bothering you. As far as I'm aware, the mobile provider can then block all incoming calls and texts from them. If you have a landline, I think your provider can do something similar.

Also, if you have a smartphone, you can download applications that allow you to block a specified number from both texting and calling you.

However this won't stop them from calling over. For this, I would genuinely recommend going into the Gardaí, as someone has previously stated. Would it be worth trying to get a restraining order? Yes, it seems overkill, but I fail to see any other way of getting her to stay away.

blacklilly

boneyarsebogman wrote: »

You can go into your mobile provider and explain to them that you are getting constant phone calls and texts from said number and that it is bothering you. As far as I'm aware, the mobile provider can then block all incoming calls and texts from them. If you have a landline, I think your provider can do something similar.

Also, if you have a smartphone, you can download applications that allow you to block a specified number from both texting and calling you.

However this won't stop them from calling over. For this, I would genuinely recommend going into the Gardaí, as someone has previously stated. Would it be worth trying to get a restraining order? Yes, it seems overkill, but I fail to see any other way of getting her to stay away.

Hi op, what an awful situation. I experienced something similar but not near as bad and it nearly gave me a nervous breakdown.
Ask yourself this.....if this person happened to be a man, what would you do?
This woman is clearly unstable and I would strongly suggest reporting this to the guards if it continues.
You seem to come across as very relaxed about the whole thing, I know id be furious.
This woman is not capable of having a healthy relationship. I also wouldntt jump to the conclusion that she is gay. I think her actions are suggesting Obsessive, controlling behaviour. One thing is for sure, she is not a friend. She also could have done this to several people already in her life and will probably find someone after you.
Best of luck op but just because this is a woman I wouldnt automatically be so relaxed about it. If this was a man i believe the majority of replys would have advised you to go to the guards.

dodgygeezer

This lady's behaviour might be explainable in the context of Borderline Personality Disorder. They usually have an intense fear of abandonment along with others traits. It stems from attachment difficulties in childhood or adolescence. This probably isnt much good to you OP but she needs to see a mental health professional for talking therapy. I fear that even sitting down with her and outlining the boundaries won't make much of a difference when the behaviour is so engrained. best of luck

Ickle Magoo

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AhInFairness

Deleted User wrote: »

You can go into your mobile provider and explain to them that you are getting constant phone calls and texts from said number and that it is bothering you. As far as I'm aware, the mobile provider can then block all incoming calls and texts from them. If you have a landline, I think your provider can do something similar.

It depends on the mobile provider. I had a similar issue last year where I was receiving constant phonecalls. O2 told me they don't block numbers. Meteor will and I don't know about Vodafone or 3.

Deleted User wrote: »

However this won't stop them from calling over. For this, I would genuinely recommend going into the Gardaí, as someone has previously stated. Would it be worth trying to get a restraining order? Yes, it seems overkill, but I fail to see any other way of getting her to stay away.

It is not that easy to get a restraining order. I went to the gardai last year over the phonecalls, the abusive texts, facebook messages and emails and the emails sent to others where he told some pretty serious lies about me...all of which I had with me and the officer that I spoke to told me that harassment is extremely hard to deal with and there isn't much they can do unless there has been, at the very least, a threat of physical violence. In my case the officer phoned the person in question and put the shíts up him which seems to have done the trick, thankfully.

I would suggest you go to the gardai about this issue and ask them to ring her and tell her to stop, but be prepared to be told thats as far as they can go with it.

Chimpokomon

OP, not trying to be smart here but have you actually tried outright telling her to f*** off and to never contact you again? Going to the guards before at least trying this would be a bit stupid IMO.

Chimpokomon

Chimpokomon wrote: »

OP, not trying to be smart here but have you actually tried outright telling her to f*** off and to never contact you again? Going to the guards before at least trying this would be a bit stupid IMO.

The OP is being harassed, insulted, slandered (making claims that her sister and her should sleep together) and also she has talked to her about it, yet the problem still persists. To me, she's reached her last resort, which is the Gardaí.

@AhInFairness;
Yeah, I know Meteor do indeed block numbers so I assumed the others did as well. Kinda surprised that O2 don't - I would still recommend the OP to try anyways with whatever network provider they're with, just to see if it is possible.

LegacyUser

Hi this is the op. So far its calls and texts asking me to answer my phone and thats it.got one voice mail crying also . We have been ignoring them anyway.

We have been away this weekend so do not know if she was callin to the house,

Changing numbers going to be a major pain in the hole because my number and his are on our morgage,all our insurances, bills, bank etc.

Someone asked earlier if her husband was aware of what she was doing. He was but he thinks like she does, he believes i was spending too much time with other people and not her, that i was being rude not answering door and that she had a right to ring my husband cos she was worried when i didnt answer the door. Its quite weird really

IrishEyes19

You can definately block calls. my old samsung had that feature and my current phone does too. i think its called block list or something like that

LegacyUser

Hi this is the op

there were 2 letters in my door on return from our trip.One was a long LONG LONG letter from her, and another was a sorry card. The letter was fairly depressing and made me think she might actually be a little bit mental. Said things like "You know we were destained to be friends" and "i have faith in us" etc

Then this evening started getting private number calls on our landline,and a pizza arrived that we didnt order!

Creepii wrote: »

Someone asked earlier if her husband was aware of what she was doing. He was but he thinks like she does, he believes i was spending too much time with other people and not her, that i was being rude not answering door and that she had a right to ring my husband cos she was worried when i didnt answer the door. Its quite weird really

Just to follow up on this someone asked also if he knew about the 1st friend dance thing at her wedding, He did, he said it was a lovely gesture by her and it was a thank you for helping her with the wedding plans (all i did was help her shop for her dress- that was it!) and that i was evil to say no and she nearly ended her friendship with me over it. All this was yelled by him when we went over to the house, i just forgot to answer that poster sorry.

tinkerbell

Ignore her OP, she's a bloody nutcase. I wouldn't even bother reading the letters - just throw them in the bin.

Taltos

OP - please go to the gardai and tell them what is going on.

This is harassment pure and simple and you really need to inform them of what is going on.
I can only see this escalating - neither she nor her husband seem capable or recognising what they have done wrong here and seem to think that you will cave if they keep pressuring you.

So for both your sakes - seek help from the gardai and even legal advice.
Keep a record of everything - don't destroy letters / cards / texts - keep the lot...

sexymama

I agree with Taltos


Keep the letters she sent you.You might need them as proof of her being a bit "unstable" maybe.
Also keep a note of anything out of the ordinary that happens eg, unexpected pizza,numbers you don't know.
If it comes down to making a formal complaint to the gardai it is good to have a log of these things.
She seems a bit unhinged in my opinion and the husband just as bad.Please do not let her back onto your life.You are only on this planet once.Don't let her destroy it for you!

Good Luck
SM

KimmyKims

This woman clearly has some serious problems but you did the right thing in ending the 'friendship'. Its a horrible situation for you OP but i really think you should speak to the Guards about this as its clear this woman is not going to let up.As regards blocking her number, i get the impression that this would not deter her at all and that she would just contact you using a different number. I know its an extreme pain changing your number as its connected to so many important things buts seriously if that was me, i would do it. i couldnt stand someone constantly ringing and texting me, especially your husband in work. I really hope that things settle down for you soon OP

MJ23

What a nutter. This could be made into a movie.

Daisy M

Hi again op,
I know this is really tough on you right now and you are probably really upset by it all. Just remember you are doing the right thing and in the long run this will be easier than if you had continued the friendship and had to put up with her behaviour all the time. Best of luck.

Taltos

MJ23 - you have received an infraction for posting in breach of our charter despite two mod posts on this thread already.

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Taltos

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Lollipops23

OP, I've been following this thread but only felt compelled to post now.
I would definitely echo what other posters said about compiling a log and hanging on to everything she sends you. Save texts/voicemails. If this doesn't stop in the next day or 2, head down to the Garda station.

This may seem like overkill, but it may also make sure she gets the help she so clearly needs.

It worries me that her husband is just as bad as her-they're probably egging each other on. Does she have any family you can approach to explain the situation to? She needs to realise that everyone (bar her husband) feels her behaviour is out of control.

Best of luck, you're far more patient than me!

LegacyUser

I will echo everyone else. Do write a meticulous log with all calls, gifts, letters received as well as any witnesses present.

Whatever you do, CONTINUE IGNORING HER. You are doing a fine job so far. Do not give in because this is what she wants. She is hoping that you will pick up the phone, even if you tell her to f*** off. A negative reaction is better than no reaction for her. Let's hope your persistence at ignoring her she will stop, but in all honesty it is highly unlikely. She may give up for a few days and then try again later when you have thought everything was clear.

I suggest you go to the closest gardai station and speak with them about this. Maybe if they had a word with your neighbour, it may help her stop. The guards would tell her to stop contacting you. If she calls you after this, inform the guards immediately as she has not learned her lesson. Don't be surprised if the guards asked you to change your telephone numbers because they did so with me the second time I called. A complaint has been made and the person in question was spoken to already. So the next step would be to change your number.

With harassment and stalking it is best to have everything on paper along with any gifts, letters and witnesses present during any of these incidences. This is what I had to do because the more proof I had against the person the easier it was for my case and for the guards to do their job.

People think it is simple as going and filing a complaint. It would be when you have everything in front of you so it is very important to have this log. Everything needs to be written in chronological order from the beginning, to the time you told her to stop bothering you and to the present; continuation of her harassing phone calls and the recent gift of pizza (call the pizza place in question and see who made the order; everything is computerised now). Save any gifts, voice and text messages. If she calls your husband at work, are his phone lines recorded? Would your husband be able to record these phone calls? The more evidence the more it shows that she is not stable. Trust me, the more you have the better your case will be and the easier it will be dealt with.

Good luck xx