Worst Irish Film of All Time

Gee Bag

This thread is inspired jointly by The Sunday Times 100 best Irish films poppycock and the crisp €10 note I wasted on Charlie Cassanova the other night.

My nominations are:

Crushproof - Shocking bad scutter where skangers think they are the Mystic nights of Tir na Nóg

Accelerator - Very unconvicing Belfast and Dublin joyriders have a race for some reason

The Tiger's Tail - Good Jaysus, some of the worst dialouge ever perpetrated on an unsuspecting public

Ordinary Decent Criminal - Kevin Spacey's Oirish accent makes a tour around all 32 counties every few sentences and is mildly entertaining. Otherwise a piss poor slapstick version of Martin Cahill's life

Charlie Cassanova - The young pretender. Apparently made for €1000, looks and sounds like it ran way over budget

Bipolar Joe

What was that sh!te action film that looked like it was filmed on the first camera phone? A bunch of pillocks badly roundhouse kicking each other in the middle of Offaly or somewhere.

woof im a dog

shrooms wasn't a great film was it

qwerty93

Eamon the movie- If anyone has seen it they will understand why public restrooms at beaches are best avoided..

Gee Bag

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

What was that sh!te action film that looked like it was filmed on the first camera phone? A bunch of pillocks badly roundhouse kicking each other in the middle of Offaly or somewhere.

Oh joy of joys! I get to post Fatal Deviation twice in one day.

Just for the record I place it in the so shyte its great category.....

Dead Meat. A zombie film set in Leitrim.
So bad it's nearly good.

Nervous Wreck

^^Fatal Deviation is easily the best film ever, in fairness.

Bipolar Joe

I actually love Dead Meat. Cracking zombie flick, and I reckon that if an outbreak were to happen in Ireland, that is EXACTLY how it would go down. Also, it's hysterical.

AnonoBoy

Gee Bag wrote: »

Charlie Cassanova - The young pretender. Apparently made for €1000, looks and sounds like it ran way over budget

I've seen it. It doesn't look like it ran over budget at all. It looks exactly like a sh*tty film that was made for that level of cash.

newmug

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

What was that sh!te action film that looked like it was filmed on the first camera phone? A bunch of pillocks badly roundhouse kicking each other in the middle of Offaly or somewhere.

Gee Bag wrote: »

Oh joy of joys! I get to post Fatal Deviation twice in one day.

Just for the record I place it in the so shyte its great category.....

Fatal Deviation was made in MEATH! In Trim, incidentally where Braveheart was also made!

Gee Bag

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I've seen it. It doesn't look like it ran over budget at all. It looks exactly like a sh*tty film that was made for that level of cash.

I thought it looked like a €500 film!

BopNiblets

Holy Water was pretty bad, a comedy movie about a small town heist of a Viagra shipment by 4 desperate friends looking for some cash who end up dumping it in the local water supply.
It's like a long Father Ted episode with lots of feckin this and feck that, except not as funny or well written or acted.
But at least it had some knockers and Linda Hamilton!

Warper

Shrooms is shockingly bad.

Anyone see Rawhead Rex?

chin_grin

Warper wrote: »

Shrooms is shockingly bad.

Anyone see Rawhead Rex?

Dammit! That's what I came to post. :pac:

thewintermute

Betwen the Canals, I have never met anyone else who has seen it, which is the only positive thing I can say about it.

chin_grin

thewintermute wrote: »

Betwen the Canals, I have never met anyone else who has seen it, which is the only positive thing I can say about it.

Jaysus, just watched the trailer there. A film about scumbags for scumbags is what it looks like.

the purple tin

Flight of the Doves. Vomit!

Hesh's Umpire

Michael Collins is utter utter ****e

Crooked Jack

Not really an Irish film but this was truly atrocious

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTcyODM2MTI1OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODc0NTA0MQ@@._V1._SY317_CR4,0,214,317_.jpg

Galvasean

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Not really an Irish film but this was truly atrocious

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTcyODM2MTI1OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODc0NTA0MQ@@._V1._SY317_CR4,0,214,317_.jpg

Links not working?

I know they aren't really Irish, but any American movie that is set in Ireland or features really bad Irish accents. Case in point:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Etm4VMLrSnc

johnny_ultimate

Between the Canals is shockingly bad. Bland as anything. Worst crime is they barely even make it to seventy minutes. They buff up the running time with overlong and pointless opening credits. Worse is the bizarre third act sojourn to an African house party in Dublin. Ill conceived at best, racially offensive at worst. Failed attempts at making a wafer thin plot feature length, and the main plot is farcically cliched and predictble.

I have no qualms calling it the worst Irish film Ive seen, well below the quality of Charlie Casanova (which at least has enthusiasm).

InchicoreDude

Boy eats girl

Technocentral

Can't believe you people haven't mentioned Last Days in Dublin by Lance Daly! Honestly the worse piece of crap (I haven't seen Charlie Cassanova yet though) I ever sat through, poxy acting, zero storyline, laughable direction, if you'se think Michael Collins constitutes a terrible movie please check this one out, Nell McCafferty and David Norris "act:" in it, 'nuff said.

Ps No trace of it online or anywhere so checking it out may be difficult.

e_e

johnny_ultimate wrote: »

Between the Canals is shockingly bad. Bland as anything. Worst crime is they barely even make it to seventy minutes. They buff up the running time with overlong and pointless opening credits. Worse is the bizarre third act sojourn to an African house party in Dublin. Ill conceived at best, racially offensive at worst. Failed attempts at making a wafer thin plot feature length, and the main plot is farcically cliched and predictble.

I have no qualms calling it the worst Irish film Ive seen, well below the quality of Charlie Casanova (which at least has enthusiasm).

Have to laugh that the top review on IMDB is by the brother of the director.

Wattle

Zonad. Now that truly is awful.

irishjay

to many to choose from. but theres a few hum dingers out there too.
lets be possitive with our fim exports.
albert knobbs i watched last night . a great brendan gleason performance.


..

kitakyushu

Last Days in Dublin.

Can't find a trailer for it but it's shot in pretentious black and white and Nell McClafferty is. So that's all you need to know how bad it is.

kitakyushu

kitakyushu wrote: »

Last Days in Dublin.

Can't find a trailer for it but it's shot in pretentious black and white and Nell McClafferty is. So that's all you need to know how bad it is.

Being shot in black and white does not make a film pretentious, more often not it is a stylistic choice the director made in order to better serve the film. Shooting in black and white is a lot more difficult than shooting in color and as such a lot of extra care goes into each shot.

Apolloyon

I may be on my own with this one. But I thought 'Perrier's Bounty' was shockingly bad despite the great cast.

Miguel_Sanchez

Apolloyon wrote: »

I may be on my own with this one. But I thought 'Perrier's Bounty' was shockingly bad despite the great cast.

Not the worst Irish film by any stretch of the imagination but I found it pretty weak too.

Gee Bag

Apolloyon wrote: »

I may be on my own with this one. But I thought 'Perrier's Bounty' was shockingly bad despite the great cast.

I haven't seen it. I always suspected that it would be as piss poor as Intermission

Apolloyon

Apolloyon wrote: »

I may be on my own with this one. But I thought 'Perrier's Bounty' was shockingly bad despite the great cast.

Perrier's Bounty is little more than a terrible Lock Stock rip off. It had a lot of potential but sadly it was poorly written, badly directed, lacked focus, squanders a terrific cast and looked like a cheap made for TV mid day movie. Much like the equally poor The Guard, people fell over themselves lining up to sing it's praises simply because it was an Irish film or because they knew someone who made sandwiches for craft services on it.

Charlie Casanova is properly going to take the crown. It's not technically the worst Irish film ever made but it is a very, very, very poor film and the director is just an absolute tosser. Really hoping that the film board don't give him tens of thousands for his next project and he just crawls back into the hole from which he came. If he could take Mark O'Connor and every copy of their films Charlie Casanova and Between the Canals the world of cinema would certainly be a better place.

ziedth

I enjoyed intermission tbh.

Crushproof is a good shout, it's a terrible film.

johnny_ultimate

e_e wrote: »

Have to laugh that the top review on IMDB is by the brother of the director.

I have to laugh at the fact he only gave it eight out of ten :P

Jesus Wept

Alarm

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1135960/

Nothing happened, she just had a bogey alarm.... or an alarm as I'd call it. Probably a cat setting it off.

It was RTE a couple of years ago, dreadful. And not dreadful in an awesome way like Fatal Deviation.

roryj123

Without a doubt ZONAD terrible movie looks like something a school would come up with!

jayteecork

Eat the Peach?

Can't even really remember it but it sounds like it should be really ****.

JohnFalstaff

jayteecork wrote: »

Eat the Peach?

Can't even really remember it but it sounds like it should be really ****.

Eat the Peach is a great movie. Two lads on the dole build a wall of death out on the bog - what's not to like? It's got more depth and emotion than most of the Irish films of the last ten years.

It also had a brilliant poster:

goose2005

Fatal Deviation is endlessly entertaining. "Eamon" was just awful though.

pookiesboo

Gee Bag wrote: »

Oh joy of joys! I get to post Fatal Deviation twice in one day.

Just for the record I place it in the so shyte its great category.....

Is this available to buy, looks hilarious?!

Ape X

Isolation - genetically engineered mutant cow foetuses run amok. Desperate altogether.

Overheal

Fatal Deviation looks like it was just before its time. Now thanks to the internet it might just be time for it to shine.

Gael

pookiesboo wrote: »

Is this available to buy, looks hilarious?!

Whole film is on youtube in eight bits.

howamidifferent

Cant believe 3 pages went by and no one mentioned "The Garage" with Pat Short.....

Ciaran_B

howamidifferent wrote: »

Cant believe 3 pages went by and no one mentioned "The Garage" with Pat Short.....

That's because this isn't a thread about the best Irish films.

e_e

pookiesboo wrote: »

Is this available to buy, looks hilarious?!

I read this in Ron Burgundy's voice.

losthorizon

roryj123 wrote: »

Without a doubt ZONAD terrible movie looks like something a school would come up with!

I thought ZONAD was hilarious for some reason.

FishBowel

So did I, €800,000 of taxpayers' money spent on this rubbish. Then the cast sing 'I'm sorry' at the end!

Illkillya

Most of these films you're mentioning I haven't seen before so I'm not the best judge, but the worst Irish film I can remember seeing is The Pier; insultingly bad, one cliché after another with no redeeming characteristics. I actually enjoyed Shrooms, it had some entertaining moments (especially "the indigenous people" who were hilarious).

FishBowel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWbaaOar0BI

fryup

The Guard

only one funny line "i thought only black lads were drug dealers?"