In labour and Bored!!!!!!

Coal1978

Hi Guys,

I'm about 7 hours now in labour and it's as bloody boring as hell, I'm here in bed watching tv and chatting online. If I could get my husband to do the decent thing and get things moving quicker by doing what he did to get me like this in the first place, I'd be doing alright, any suggestions?

smash

Coal1978 wrote: »

any suggestions?

shout at the baby and tell them to hurry up?

El Guapo!

Push

Nothingbetter2d

Coal1978 wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I'm about 7 hours now in labour and it's as bloody boring as hell, I'm here in bed watching tv and chatting online. If I could get my husband to do the decent thing and get things moving quicker by doing what he did to get me like this in the first place, I'd be doing alright, any suggestions?

join fine gael they are a much bigger party than labour

some random drunk

You should really quit Labour. They've been awful in government and will likely get hammered at the next election.

Edit: Never mind, the joke about labour/The Labour party was made above

Dravokivich

Coal1978 wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I'm about 7 hours now in labour and it's as bloody boring as hell, I'm here in bed watching tv and chatting online. If I could get my husband to do the decent thing and get things moving quicker by doing what he did to get me like this in the first place, I'd be doing alright, any suggestions?

I'm not sure if unprotected sex is the solution to your problem. But if you really do be wanting it, I must advise himself may be put off at the chance of face fúcking the kid...

antodeco

Imagine how big your lady garden entrance will be for a few weeks after the birth. For your husband it'll be like opening the window and f**king the night!

kfallon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9E1LDOVGcY

Basq

Coal1978 wrote: »

If I could get my husband to do the decent thing and get things moving quicker by doing what he did to get me like this in the first place, I'd be doing alright

Don't think it's a good idea for him to be drinking this early in the day..

CreepingDeath

Start demanding random things from your husband, sending him on a treasure hunt for egg whisks or the like.

Then, once he's collected them all, tell him you're not sure whether it's his baby or not.

starbelgrade

Dravokivich wrote: »

I'm not sure if unprotected sex is the solution to your problem. But if you really do be wanting it, I must advise himself may be put off at the chance of face fúcking the kid...

I'd tell him to go for it - it's about your only chance in life of getting a ride & blow job simultaneously.

FatherLen

you're going to poop in front of a room full of people.

Duggy747

You positive it's not just a good shìte you need?

It's happened to me before.

Basq

Dravokivich wrote: »

I must advise himself may be put off at the chance of face fúcking the kid...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6I1D3UmdLk

Schmidt, you slay me!

Dravokivich

starbelgrade wrote: »

I'd tell him to go for it - it's about your only chance in life of getting a ride & blow job simultaneously.

Proper fúcked bai! :pac:

Mr.Crinklewood

- Eat spicy food.

- Are you and the husband stubborn? If so this may have transferred to your child, tell them NOT to come out and they will pop out like George Michaels cock in a restroom.

Cee-Jay-Cee

If your in labour then having sex wont hurry it up, you need to start shouting and moaning like all women do, to vary it for others around you huff, puff and pant every so often. You could also walk around bent backwards holding your lower back and make whining noises. Think thats about all....hope it goes well!

Nothingbetter2d

drink lots of guinness to see if you have a black baby, it works for sh1te

Coal1978

antodeco wrote: »

For your husband it'll be like opening the window and f**king the night!

haha I'm laughing so hard at that, I think this could do the trick

ejmaztec

some random drunk wrote: »

You should really quit Labour. They've been awful in government and will likely get hammered at the next election.

With your user-name, you must know that you don't need an election to get hammered.

antodeco

Get your child benefit claim form. Locals around here seem to use that for helping popping out babies

funk-you

Reach in a give the fecker a slap for wasting your time. Start as you mean to go on.

-Funk

Coal1978

No, I'm not rolling around sweating and huffing and puffing. It's weird, I just get a pain every so often then it goes, I did feel like I was going to be sick earlier but that's gone. One born every minute on channel 4 is a LIE!

CardBordWindow

Can we do a poll to name the baby?

Atari Jaguar would be a cool name to have!

antodeco

Do you remember when your one in V (1980's version) gave birth to that lizard baby? That was awesome!

Nothingbetter2d

CardBordWindow wrote: »

Can we do a poll to name the baby?

Atari Jaguar would be a cool name to have!

that or Sinclair Spectrum Z81 for truly awesome power

Basq

antodeco wrote: »

Do you remember when your one in V (1980's version) gave birth to that lizard baby? That was awesome!

And that baby became Katy Perry...

.. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

stupidusername

Coal1978 wrote: »

No, I'm not rolling around sweating and huffing and puffing. It's weird, I just get a pain every so often then it goes, I did feel like I was going to be sick earlier but that's gone. One born every minute on channel 4 is a LIE!

You sure it's not just gas?

Coal1978

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

CardBordWindow wrote: »

Can we do a poll to name the baby?


We are calling him Hades

Mickey Dazzler

You want your husband to fuck your childs face on the way out? Is that some new form of extreme attachment parenting?

Nothingbetter2d

so OP are you looking forward to having a fanny like a bowling alley?

SEPT 23 1989

How many feet have you dilated?

Basq

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

so OP are you looking forward to having a fanny like a bowling alley?

She can rent sweat-ridden shoes from her vagina? Jesus.. now that's entrepreneurship right there!

smash

Coal1978 wrote: »

We are calling him Hades

Why do you want your child to be bullied?

branbee

Coal1978 wrote: »

No, I'm not rolling around sweating and huffing and puffing. It's weird, I just get a pain every so often then it goes, I did feel like I was going to be sick earlier but that's gone. One born every minute on channel 4 is a LIE!

Tell me about it- i got bad pains, every two mins from the get go, rushed to hospital and 29 hours later baby arrived! Nothing hurried it up! Just be thankful you're bored and not in agony screaming for it to end!

Coal1978

I am now 8 hours in labour and 3cm dilated. I'm having the baby at home. If it doesn't come soon I'm getting the dyson out!

A2LUE42

Just remember how you feel now, wanting things to hurry up when you are further along and you decide that you have had enough with the pain and the baby can just stay in there. Not coming out. End of discussion.

Nothingbetter2d

Coal1978 wrote: »

I am now 8 hours in labour and 3cm dilated. I'm having the baby at home. If it doesn't come soon I'm getting the dyson out!

yeah your husband will need a dyson penis enlargement pump to fill that fanny

mackeire

Just sit back and relax, you're going to be a ma in a few mins so your life is over!!

Basq

Coal1978 wrote: »

I am now 8 hours in labour and 3cm dilated. I'm having the baby at home. If it doesn't come soon I'm getting the dyson out!

[topical joke] Just don't go having it on a Stena Line Ferry.. you'll never see it again otherwise! [/topical joke]

Coal1978

smash wrote: »

Coal1978 wrote: »

We are calling him Hades

Why do you want your child to be bullied?

I'm only kidding, we have no idea what to call him

branbee

Coal1978 wrote: »

I am now 8 hours in labour and 3cm dilated. I'm having the baby at home. If it doesn't come soon I'm getting the dyson out!

Brave lady!
Can you still get an epidural at home?

kfallon

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

so OP are you looking forward to having a fanny like a bowling alley?

Like a dragon's nostril, clown's pocket, horse's collar, hippo's yawn, wizard's sleeve etc etc

Coal1978

Basq wrote: »

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

so OP are you looking forward to having a fanny like a bowling alley?

She can rent sweat-ridden shoes from her vagina? Jesus.. now that's entrepreneurship right there!

How much will I ask for from the Dragons for that?

smash

Coal1978 wrote: »

I'm having the baby at home.

Say goodbye to those carpets.

kfallon

Coal1978 wrote: »

I am now 8 hours in labour and 3cm dilated. I'm having the baby at home. If it doesn't come soon I'm getting the dyson out!

Good decision, you don't want to be missing Jeremy Kyle

Basq

Coal1978 wrote: »

How much will I ask for from the Dragons for that?

Unlike your husband.. they'll all pull out!

BOOM..

Nothingbetter2d

Coal1978 wrote: »

How much will I ask for from the Dragons for that?

definitely need to take this guy/gal's (haven't quite figured out which sex it is) offer



im sure it has a large selection of pumps for your husband to use

Coal1978

branbee wrote: »

Coal1978 wrote: »

Brave lady!
Can you still get an epidural at home?

Nope! But I'm fine, it the most natural feeling, I'm in it now, no going back. My husband is a Surgeon so I'm sure I'll be fine

grindle

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

Surgeon: So, what would you like done?

Transsexual: Dawn French.

Surgeon:...

Nothingbetter2d

op get your husband to try this