One partner always loves more?

Getting there

I have just finished reading a book which had a very strong 'one partner always loves the other more in a relationship' theme. Do you find this to be true?
In my own relationship, I do think my boyfriend gives more of himself to it than I and that if we broke up that I would be less heart broken than him. Don't get me wrong I love him loads and don't expect to break up and I don't want to come across big headed but perhaps im more naturally guarded or holding a but back?. And thinking about it, in my friends relationships I can easily pick out which partner loves more than the other and its fairly 50/50 men to women really.

Do you think this is always the way or do you find yourself both giving equally in a relationship? I d love to hear if this is common or I have a particularly weird group of friends...

Novella

I don't think two people could ever be equally in love. One person has to fall in love first. One person, in my opinion and from my experience, always tries harder to keep things going smoothly. Sure, the second person puts in an effort but as far as I'm concerned, in every single relationship, every single friendship, one person is more committed to it than the other.

Was it a Jodi Picoult you were reading, by any chance?!

Kimia

I think it depends on the relationship to be honest. I find in mine, sometimes I'm the one who feels like I love him more but then I'm sure there are times when he would say the same to me. But at the end of the day we both love each other and are committed to each other and I'm confident in our relationship. The question you've asked almost indicates that in every case you've described, one out of the partnership isn't really bothered.

That can't be true so surely the reality is that love is immeasurable in partnerships - how would you ever be able to compare? I love you more, no I love you more etc.. It doesn't really make sense!

Wibbs

Novella wrote: »

I don't think two people could ever be equally in love. One person has to fall in love first. One person, in my opinion and from my experience, always tries harder to keep things going smoothly. Sure, the second person puts in an effort but as far as I'm concerned, in every single relationship, every single friendship, one person is more committed to it than the other.

I'd agree, however I'd add that this can shift back and forward between the two people over time. In relationships that tend to last anyway. So A might love B more at the start, then B takes over that role for a while, then back to A, rinse and repeat, with the best bits likely when they overlap?

mahamageehad

I read a theory in something a while back that compared a relationship to two people standing in a vacuum. The more one person pulls back the more the other has to give to fill the void. This can change over time but it's almost never equal. It also proposed this for friendships. I thought it was a very interesting view. I defo think someone usually gives more of themselves, just judging on my past relationships and those of my friends.

Getting there

Wibbs wrote: »

I'd agree, however I'd add that this can shift back and forward between the two people over time. In relationships that tend to last anyway. So A might love B more at the start, then B takes over that role for a while, then back to A, rinse and repeat, with the best bits likely when they overlap?

I think that's hitting the nail on the head actually. I can think of times that the balance would have shifted alright. I suppose major life events can bring out qualities in people that you never saw before and make you fall in love harder/ all over again.

I didn't mean it to come across as if on partner isn't really bothered but just gives a little less of themselves to it. For instance I have a friend who adores her partner, he can do no wrong and she would walk over hot coals for him but he very much enjoys his Tim away from her and being just him, not part of a couple, and has his own interests and generally more easy going about their relationship. I have no doubt that he loves her too, that is very evident but it seems she gives more of herself to the relationship.

Getting there

mahamageehad wrote: »

I read a theory in something a while back that compared a relationship to two people standing in a vacuum. The more one person pulls back the more the other has to give to fill the void. This can change over time but it's almost never equal.

That's a really nice analogy actually. Problems only occur when one is always doing the pulling? Or are some people naturally more conditioned to 'filling the void?

mahamageehad

Getting there wrote: »

mahamageehad wrote: »

I read a theory in something a while back that compared a relationship to two people standing in a vacuum. The more one person pulls back the more the other has to give to fill the void. This can change over time but it's almost never equal.

That's a really nice analogy actually. Problems only occur when one is always doing the pulling? Or are some people naturally more conditioned to 'filling the void?

I think when one person begins to notice they're filling the void then that's when problems occur. They expect the other Person to give the same and begin to feel taken for granted. But when someone fills the void too much they can smother the other person. Equally if someone pulls back to far the other person might just think they're not interested anymore. Life is nothing but a delicate balancing act!!

cgpg5

I think the amount one loves their partner more in the relationship can be quite staggering at times. I mean I have seen people become completely different people and give everything to stay in a relationship, while the other doesn't appear too bothered. I believe many refer to it as being "whipped" but it's true.

There is no way, as a guy, that I could be comfortable having to go out of my way to do everything that she commands without question and to please her in extravagant ways just to ensure that the relationship works. There is many cases where one person in the relationship seems to control the other half as such making them to do everything that they please. This is not right in a relationship imo.

Basically in many relationships it is glaringly obvious to see who relies on it more.

CathyMoran

I feel that my husband and I love one another equally though it was a see saw in the past. We have been together so long, been through so much together that it would be easy to get complacent but he is also my best friend and I really feel that together we are one person. I am head over heels in love.

cynder

CathyMoran wrote: »

I feel that my husband and I love one another equally though it was a see saw in the past. We have been together so long, been through so much together that it would be easy to get complacent but he is also my best friend and I really feel that together we are one person. I am head over heels in love.

That is also how i feel, there is always compromise, give and take, but love is the glue that holds us both together....

OkayWhatever

I think there's been times in my relationship when my boyfriend has made more of an effort than me, and other times I'm the one who takes all the bullsh!t and i'm the one who makes the effort and gives the most. I do think that one person loves the other more, and I think it's me that loves him more. But only by a tinchy bit.

I don't think that one person loving the other more is necessarily a problem, unless one person loves another A LOT more than the person loves them. I think it would only cause a lot of problems if that was the case.