When did you realize you are L,G,B or T

KDII

I have been following a thread in AH about gender neutral toys in children. The debate has since evolved into the social construction of sexuality and gender roles. (Link to thread:http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056609693)

It got me thinking, when did you realize you're gay or trans?

I can't really ascertain this myself.. I was actually in a relationship with my girlfriend before it occurred to me there was a chance I was gay :roll eyes: always was a bit slow..

Retrospectively I know now that I've basically been a raging lesbian my entire life and I guess just compartmentalized it somewhere. Coming around to my sexuality and disclosing it to my family was the most difficult thing I have ever done. A year on everything is perfect, my girlfriend feels at home in my house and my mother thinks she is a friend to all LGBT folk, often accosting unwittingly individuals to be her new gay friends because "she knows all about it"

So I guess my question is: did you always know?

L.Jenkins

I can't put a date on when I knew I was trans. It developed over years and years until I reached a point where I couldn't go on as I was anymore. I always felt I didn't quite fit my birth gender and the last few years have been somewhat of a journey. I know I still have some way to go, but I finally feel I'm on the right path.

wonderfulname

On some level I always knew I liked the ladies and I always knew I wasn't really gender... typical?

However I only realised the former when I was 13 and the latter... I suppose the past couple of months have been part of a learning curve that's really only in it's infancy, well, a concious learning curve, the power of hindsight says it was brewing up for a long time beforehand.

Ignore AH by the way, highly, highly hypocritical of me but it's just a nuthouse.

Hamhide

I realised i was trans about 2 years ago,i was a very fem gayboy and dressed as a girl sometimes for 'kinky' nights in lol but my partents and friends say when i was little it was pritty obvious sometimes

baby and crumble

I never thought I was gay until I was about 15, honestly. I always fancied guys, but looking back it seemed a bit... weird. I don't know. I remember seeing women kissing on tv and getting a weird feeling in my stomach but I didn't know what it was. Then a new teacher arrived at my school when I was in 5th year. I hated her on sight. Until I realized I actually fancied the arse off her. :rolleyes: So I guess I had the "oh THAT'S what's going on!" when I was 16.

I came out to friends when I was 18, to my folks at 21. I'm constantly getting more comfortable with being a bit more masculine than a lot of girls in some ways, and more feminine that some of my straight female friends in others.

Babybuff

When I hit puberty I suppose, I just figured I wasn't like the other girls. Did my utmost to try and be more straight because that was about the same time when I discovered that gay was bad.

I do remember the first girl who made me warm and fuzzy. I was about 14.

BrazIrish

Well.. I guess I always knew. I remember I liked to play doctor with my male friend when I was 5 or something but at that point I didn't know I was gay, of course haha I always fancied guys but thought it would be a phase and I was kinda homophobic mainly because I didn't accept myself. My mum had gay friends who used to go home for a tea and I just didn't like them. Just want to make it clear I have never done or said something to 'hurt' any of them. Anyway.. I came to point where I just knew I couldn't live this way or I would never be happy. It was so confusing... before I came out I dated a girl for a very short period and it was just the last straw. I just knew it was time to stop pretending but I was then 27yo. Didn't have any problem to come out to my family and close friends.

Irish Aris

I was kind of a late bloomer. . .
I knew for sure when I was 17, but in retrospect, I remember myself physically attracted to some of my mail schoolmates from the age of 14.

stephen_n

Late bloomer lol that's half the age I was when I finally came to terms with being bi. I suppose looking back I was attracted to males from my teens but it just didnt make sense to me as I was straight and I was attracted to girls possibly more. I had never met a bi guy even though I had been in or around the scene from my late teens so always looked at it as an either or sittuation. Add to that a serious cocktail of drink drugs and addiction, paying any sort of attention to what I felt or thought was not really in my skill set. It's defenitely a split in attraction with me in favour of women but the more used to it I get the more I'm just attracted to people their gender is not that important.

foggy_lad

When I learned what gay was I knew that was me, But I had known for Years Before that there was something different about me.

SolarFlash

I knew something was up around 9 or 10, knew for sure by 13.

OneArt

Fourteen. I started fancying my best friend. At the time I thought I was bisexual, afterwards I was convinced I was gay. I got into a short relationship with a guy. When we broke up I started going out with another guy but started to fancy this girl and ended up going out with her instead.

After a year or two of being completely apathetic I realised my feelings towards people were romantic/emotional, and my attraction was aesthetic but not sexual. I have a non-existent sex drive, so I looked up on asexuality.

I so guess bi-romantic asexual describes me best. So yeah, took me a while.

deirdre_dub

Didn't connect the dots until I was 39. Obviously knew something was wrong for a long time, but I couldn't name it until a few years ago.

Dwn Wth Vwls

Had experienced attraction to both genders in some form or another by 14, but took me till 24 to realise bisexuality was a real thing and a possibility. :rolleyes:

Freiheit

I knew at 20 that I had serious problems.....

There were signs and problems before that but I didn't understand them.

Vojera

From about 9 or 10 I started to wonder if there was something different about me because I didn't get the big deal about the fellas all my friends were crushing on. But at that stage, I thought I just wasn't interested in anyone. It wasn't until about 14 that I started wondering if I might be gay, but I didn't really accept it. I had lots of little crushes but all the teen magazines would say in their problem pages that having crushes on girls was normal and that I would grow out of it, so I kept waiting for that to happen. (Although I had Gillian Anderson and Xena and Gabrielle posters all over my walls - I should have known!!!)

When I went to college at 17 I came out as bisexual to my friends, even though I had never found any guy attractive. It was just too scary to go the whole hog and say I was a lesbian. But at 20 I met my current partner and I knew there was no going back So, it wasn't until 20 that I accepted I'm really an L and not a B. But now I'm happy to say it

mrroboto

I was 16 when I admitted to myself that I was attracted to guys, but of a year after that I couldn't figure out if I was gay or bi. At 17 I knew I was gay. I had attraction towards guys on sight, getting the butterflies feeling in my tummy and all that. The only girls I was attracted to were girls I knew for years before. I could only love a girls personality. And that attaction could turn on and off like a switch. In hindsight I know had ever found myself in a relationship with a girl I would have been the worst BF, I would have treated her like crap.
I'm 19 now and all my friends know, but not my family, that's still a bit scary at the moment. I now realise that coming out doesn't mean you know who you are. I'm still learning about myself everyday. I'm slowly striping back the layers I built up all my childhood. I've become more feminine in my behaviour, this is me naturally. (As a 3 year old I would perform one man shows, I would wrap a towel or blanket around my waist and be the princess...THOSE CLUES!!) I lived in nothing but tracksuits until this year. But most importantly I've learned to express myself more from the reclusive child and teenager I was.
Finding yourself is like climbing a ladder, sexuality is the 1st step, that has to be figured out before you climb the rest of the ladder. but don't confuse knowing your sexuality with knowing who you are.

Babybuff

ah...xena. warrior princess.

fillefatale

What about Q?

1ZRed

I have have found my sexuality very confusing in the last 2-3 years.
I was straight growing up but still had a very slight interest in guys. It was so slight that I didn't think anything of it.
As years went on that side grew unroll I deffinatly could have been considered bisexual. I knew I had these feelings but I didn't even tackle them, I just ignored them. It took a lot for me to just admit I liked guys too and it took even more to actually say it aloud to myself.
Now I consider myself bisexual but more strongly attracted to men. I find both sexes attrative but i seek relationships with men more than women because I feel more compatible with guys.
I have noticed though, that as my sexuality is developing I'm becoming more attracted to men and less so to women.
It's funny it was the opposite to how I was in my late childhood/early teens.
I'm 17 now so god knows how I'll be in my 20s but if I become exclusively gay or bi curious for women Im ok with that.

wonderfulname

fillefatale wrote: »

What about Q?

Which Q?

Goodshape

I think I always suspected but really didn't want to think about it, or tried to convince myself I was bi and could ignore the attraction to men. I knew for sure that I was gay when I was around 16, maybe 17. But I didn't really accept it until I was 21 -- and came out to friends and family that year.

1ZRed

Goodshape wrote: »

I think I always suspected but really didn't want to think about it, or tried to convince myself I was bi and could ignore the attraction to men. I knew for sure that I was gay when I was around 16, maybe 17. But I didn't really accept it until I was 21 -- and came out to friends and family that year.

Thats more or less what i did. And at 16 I realised it but used my leaving cert to distract my thoughts. I accepted it at 17 and came out to friends at the same time.
I have no intension of telling my family for a year or two though. Don't have the balls yet!

LegacyUser

Late-ish.

Definitely secondary school early on, can't really remember when. I had found girls attractive long before.

Makes sense looking back considering I prefer women to men.

Captain Graphite

It wasn't until I was around 16 or 17 that I found myself attracted to anyone. I was a very socially awkward, asexual blob as a teenager. I felt too ugly and unattractive to ever think about other people.

Then I went through the whole I'm straight/no, I'm bi/no I'm gay conundrum. At 22 I still haven't settled 100% on an identity but I'm ok with that now. I don't feel like I need a label to define me anymore; I just like who I like and that's good enough for me.

deirdre_dub wrote: »

Didn't connect the dots until I was 39. Obviously knew something was wrong for a long time, but I couldn't name it until a few years ago.

39? Wow, that must have been really tough not really knowing for such a long time. Glad you eventually found your way though.

fillefatale

wonderfulname wrote: »

Which Q?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer

icicle2000

I was brought up in a very strict religious family, and didn't even dare to entertain the thought. The idea entered my mind very briefly when I was 14-15, but I killed it pretty quickly. I left my family's religion at 20, but continued to entertain the idea of normality, even tried dating a few men. Obviously didn't work. Then, maybe half a year after that, it kind of dawned on me. I was even worried that it was an "impulsive decision", it was so sudden. But I'm known for things dawning on me like that :P But yes, ever since then (it hasn't been very long at all, only another 6 months or so) I've identified as lesbian, although it saddens me that my parents don't and probably won't know, due to their relifious homophobia, and their inevitably cutting me off if they do know. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, it's not majorly important to me, but I hate that it's such a huge deal to them.

wonderfulname

fillefatale wrote: »

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer

Ah that Q, you didn't need to define it for me, some people see the Q as questioning, neither is excluded here anyway, despite the forum/thread name.

Nyan Cat

I always liked girls in some form. Not fancying but really intrigued when I was a kid. I suspected it was nothing unusual.
My first girl crush was at 12 but I didn't think of it as a crush but rather admiration (it was both though!)
I didn't even contemplate the idea of being gay till 21 and then I went from an I gay? To yes in a few days. The trigger was being told a colleague I had a crush on was gay (I did not pursue that and I also suspect that was just an untrue rumour) and it just made me think.

I remember that neutral AH toy thread. They should have a 'Gender neutral AH toy show' lol

Mekirin

I was 15 when it occurred to me I might be gay or bisexual. To be honest though, I should have known since I was about 12 or 13.

Davyhal

When I was 9 years old I knew I liked boys, maybe even earlier, I just remember fancying a boy when I was 9, but I thought I was bi, cos I convinced myself all along that was the case. I didn't accept I was gay, not bi, until I was 21-22 years old. I had girlfriends and yet it took me time and time again before I realised that I was not enjoying being in a relationship with girls, and it was nothing to do with the girls, it was me that was "at fault" for the relationships not working out

Aurongroove

about 15/16

Chevaliers

I realized i was atleast bisexual when i was fifteen or sixteen but as i kept dating men i started to realize it wasnt for me..and its so hard because the girl im in love with really doesnt know what she is and is too scared to even try and that hinders me alot im twenty four and im still a closeted lesbian to everyone but her

coolperson05

Confused for years...until I was 18 and got with a guy. The first kiss I remember thinking, "right, this is for me!" lol
I was lucky in that sense that then I just 'knew'. Unfortunately, it's not been as straightforward since!! :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

I was around 13/14 when I knew that I was attracted to guys, but it wasn't for another few years until I knew I'd never fancy any girl
And like coolperson05 said, the kiss sealed the deal!

coolperson05

ah_ha wrote: »

I was around 13/14 when I knew that I was attracted to guys, but it wasn't for another few years until I knew I'd never fancy any girl
And like coolperson05 said, the kiss sealed the deal!

*blushes* :P

Freiheit

You know it was strange from my (what I now realise is a trans ) perspective, I was perceived as gay throughout my late teens/early/mid 20's due to my expression,I wasn't attracted to men but I suffered the same homophobia that a lot of gay people did and it was bad,working in a country bar,farm labourers who wanted to show off,but in my heart I new I was somewhere on the transgender spectrum although I'm not sure if I acknowledged it or new that label.

I remember a Transsexual being on Gay Byrnes Late Late Show in what was probably the late 80's,or at latest early 90's,could it have been Rebecca De Havelaand?. Heard her talk of about how 'she used to have a penis and now she has a fanny'.those words stuck with me althouh I didn't realise then that I was one of them.

Stranger still I did actually think I was gay around the period 14-15 but the feeling passed.

Now I'm starting to like men again,although not the alpha type,what a mixed up lgbt person i am.

Sardonicat

I recall fancying some gymnast during the ' 76 Olympics (I was 5, she was called Nadia Something ). And I remember being taken to see some Disney film with Jodie Foster in it when I was about 6-7. She made me feel all "strange and goosebumpy".

Always fancied boys and girls but never thought anything of it 'til I was a teenager. Got a crush on a girl at 15, still didn't think anything of it.

Fell in love with a girl at 18-19 at which point the realisation fell on me like a tonne of bricks. I was different, a perv, I would always be alone, blah, blah, blah... Funny, it seemed like such a tragedy then. It's a real "so what", now. But would prefer to be one or the other.

Jodie still makes me feel "funny".:o

Aurongroove

I should also point out I had numerous sweethearts as a kid, just girls I though were 'lovely' and who I 'wanted to marry' when I grew up.

I was a real book worm when I was young too I used to enjoy reading encyclopedias and I knew about the birds and the bees and what adults do and nothing shocked me.
I would be embarrassed about thinking about kissing girls and marrying one and wouldn't look twice at other boys privates in changing rooms etc
So when I basically hit puberty and something in my mind started running around with the lead marked "sex" and not knowing where to plug it in, it shook me up pretty badly.

Luke!

Well I'm 15 and it's only really been in the last year I've accepted that I'm bi I sorta realised after realising I fancied my best friend who's a guy.
Is it just me or were other people pretty big homopobes when they were kids? I was unfortuneately.

Aurongroove

Luke! wrote: »

Is it just me or were other people pretty big homopobes when they were kids? I was unfortuneately.

kids tend to "absorb sentiments" from adults around them (parents and role models especially) almost as easily as they do physical traits and actions. It's really only once you're a teen you stop doing it.

kids being homophobic is probably a result of grown ups having negative or dismissive views on LGBT and although perhaps not fully expressing them in children's company or quickly changing the subject, still probably doing enough to pass on a lingering sentiment which kids (who emulate adult behavior during their development) pick up almost through assimilative osmosis.

it's similar to children inheriting though processes, deep spiritual beliefs or particular phobias. To a child the energy surrounding an adult being frightened by a mouse for example would probably quickly overwhelm any feelings the child itself might have felt and instead the assumption that "mice are very scary things" is what prevails.

It;s my guess that if you raised a child and you yourself completely accept homosexuality etc, that the child would 9 times out of 10 also accept it like it was no big deal.

filmbuffboy

I was 8 or 9 when I began to feel attracted to lads, but it was probably around 12 or 13 when those attractions surfaced to become more conscious.

I hate when people ask you: 'well, how do you know if youre gay if youve never done it with a girl'. And I reply, ' well, how do you know youre straight if youve never done it with someone of the same gender?' ... That usually shuts them up

Rory28

bout 9 or 10 in hindsight. Rufio from hook had me in tizzy. (swoon)

Did it again. The last post was 2 years ago. sigh.

nobodyknows

I went to an all boys school primary growing up and felt attraction to some of the guys so at the time I just assumed I was gay, growing up I had a few gay relations and was very acutely aware of the different forms of sexuality and gender so I was completely fine with idea of being gay and knew there was nothing wrong with it.

In the senior cycle of secondary school we shared some subject with the girls school down the road so there was an influx of the number girls I knew and found myself attracted to some, at first I thought it was like a "straight phase", I thought it was only happening because it was a new experience.

I soon figured out that the persons gender isn't a primary factor when it comes to attraction for me so I now consider myself Bi.

I realise that growing up I had it easy compared to others, I never worried that something was wrong with me, I knew from as far back as I can remember that whatever my sexuality was, it was normal and okay.
This sometimes makes me feel like when it comes to LGBTQ issues and rights that I can't comment because I've not experienced the hardships that other have.

spurious

First inklings that I might be a bit different at 8. Like Sardonicat, Jodie Foster in anything did it for me and still does.

Slightly disappointed to find out at about 14 that not all girls felt the same way I did, but thankfully there were enough who did to go around.

Good old Jodie came through too.

daithi84

I knew i liked other boys when i was 12. I didnt know what gay was and was confused as to why other boys didnt like other boys. I wasn't educated about sexual orientation at all in school, think our first sex education class was in 5th year with 2 pregnant girls in the class so was a bit redundant. I do remember around 14 things started clicking into place and realising i was gay and what gay was. Started coming out to friends when i left school after the leaving at 17.

PeterJC!

Aurongroove wrote: »

kids tend to "absorb sentiments" from adults around them (parents and role models especially) almost as easily as they do physical traits and actions. It's really only once you're a teen you stop doing it.

kids being homophobic is probably a result of grown ups having negative or dismissive views on LGBT and although perhaps not fully expressing them in children's company or quickly changing the subject, still probably doing enough to pass on a lingering sentiment which kids (who emulate adult behavior during their development) pick up almost through assimilative osmosis.

it's similar to children inheriting though processes, deep spiritual beliefs or particular phobias. To a child the energy surrounding an adult being frightened by a mouse for example would probably quickly overwhelm any feelings the child itself might have felt and instead the assumption that "mice are very scary things" is what prevails.

It;s my guess that if you raised a child and you yourself completely accept homosexuality etc, that the child would 9 times out of 10 also accept it like it was no big deal.

I would disagree, I'm 17 and was raised by the most liberal and LGBT-supportive parents one could hope to have, I was around LGBT people from a very young age, and it shames me to say that I was a homophobic little sh1t when I was younger, and it's only since I started secondary school that I had to really reevaluate what I was thinking. I would say it was probably some sort of internally repressed homophobia, in that I knew I fancied guys but that I didn't want to, and that is how it manifested itself.

I probably realised I was a gay when I could put a word to it, so around 10 or so, but I remember having crushes on guys when I was younger than that.

Ten of Swords

I think I always knew but I never felt 'different' if that makes sense, I never really resisted or felt bad about myself because of it. Accepting it was easy but telling others was my worry at the time. I preferred to keep it quiet and meet people secretly.

When I was 16 my best friend confronted me about rumours he'd heard circulating about me. By that stage I knew the game was up and I fully expected him to freak out and reject me, I'd convinced myself that I didn't care what he thought or did and that I could handle the backlash so I told him they were all true, that's how I first came out I guess. He said he'd always known.

I didn't get the oppertunity to tell my parents, I was outed to them, something I was bitterly unhappy about at the time but I'm over it now. Out is out as far as I'm concerned.

SillyMangoX

I only really accepted it in the last couple of years, but I always knew there was something there. Even when I was very young, like pre-teen, I would always find myself looking at older or celebrity couples and saying ''I can see why he would fancy her, but what the hell does she seen in him?'' :pac: Also, friends pointed out to me the only guys who I ever had 'crushes' on or went out with were very feminine. I guess since I was in denial so long I just went for the closest compromise :pac:

SPM1959

Always knew there was something but only 'came out' to myself at 27. All those wasted years.

playedalive

I think I first noticed guys when I was 13 or 14. I went to an all boys rugby school and I remember being curious when I saw the rugby players go out to training. Though, I kinda was fascinated by boobs too so I didn't really know. Then, personal problems, depression, anxiety, family problems took over and I put my sexuality to one side. Once life got a bit better, I came out when I was 21. Now I'm an open gay man.