Had a threesome, regret it but only years later

LegacyUser

Years ago I has a threesome with my ex and one of his friends. I'd appreciate an outsider's view on this. I'm not a prude and I'm very open minded about all sorts, but this one has just stuck with me for reasons I don't understand.

I hated the idea of a threesome originally. It just didn't do anything for me. I mean, if other people enjoyed it then great but it just wasn't something for me. My ex knew this but seemed quite taken by the idea of a threesome (with another guy or girl, he was bi). He kept bringing it up in a hypothetical "which one of my friends would you sleep with if you had to?" sort of way. He went as far as asking one of his friends who originally said no for a couple of reasons, and about six months after that his friend got back to him and said he'd be up for it.

Now don't ask me why I didn't say no. I was a confident young girl in her twenties. I was happy with our sex life, just the two of us, I was happy in the relationship and if I'd have said no that would probably have been okay. At that stage he'd been talking about it in a way I assumed was hypothetical for so long when the opportunity finally presented itself I sort of said "okay, what the hell, If it'd make him happy" and went with it. I think I really wanted to be a good girlfriend. I can't really remember my motivation.

I actually only remember snippets of the event itself. I was stone cold sober. I don't remember enjoying it a lot. It was just a bit weird really. Afterwards I just sort of forgot about it and my ex attempted to get me to do it again with a stranger a few months afterwards and I said no. The relationship ended not too long after that.

So now it's years after the event and for no reason at all. I'll remember what happened. Just a quick flash of something that went on or I'll picture the other guy's face and I'll panic. I've had dreams about it where I was about to stop the whole thing before it started and I wake up devastated because I can't stop it, it already happened. Right now I feel ill and dirty. Like if somebody knew what I'd done they'd be ashamed of me.

I don't understand why it's affecting me now. I wasn't coerced, I wasn't in an abusive relationship, I could have said no, I just didn't. At the time I was so blasé about the whole thing. Or numb, I'm not sure which. If somebody could offer some perspective on this and help me clear my head space that'd be great.

Benincasa

Hi OP:

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with this.

I wonder if there isn't something to do with oxytocin going on here. This is a hormone that is released during sex to bond us to the person we're making love to. It affects different people differently. It's completely speculative on my part, but perhaps in some small way you bonded with the second guy in the threesome and this is working its way out emotionally? Given the time that has elapsed, this may not be the issue at all, and if you haven't experienced this type of regret after other sexual experiences, perhaps this is not what is happening. Have you had a lot of sexual partners before and since this event? If yes, and nothing like this has happened, then perhaps this is not the issue.

I'm going to mention one other possibility. I suspect others will reject my advice and even criticise it. Before they get too trigger happy in doing so, please bear in mind that I am not judging you and I am not saying that you must follow the idea that I am about to suggest to you.

Is there a possibility that your conscience is bothering you in some way about this? That deep down you feel that a threesome is wrong in some way? Are you a Catholic? If so, what about going to Confession? I know of a lot of people who have gone to Confession with similar issues and they have really found great peace afterwards. You would be surprised at the stories they tell.

As I say, I am not judging you, and I am simply giving this suggestion to help.

missyb

Hi, it might be a good idea to talk this out with a professional, just to vocalise any feelings you hid at the time, get them out there,allow yourself to move on and not beat yourself up so much. I think it might be delayed regret because you got involved in something that wasnt on your terms at all, it seems you have to be convinced over a period of time so he was chippping away until you said yes. You perhaps had niggling doubts about certain aspects or even the whole thing, maybe questions you would have liked answered, concerns you would have liked to address or have addressed or an approach that you would have liked taken but these needs were not met and for whatever reason you didnt stand up for these feelings at the time. Maybe you hid your true feelings to cause less hassel and please someone you cared for. Maybe what was just a laugh to these guys was a huge deal to you and something you were unsure of but this was never dealt with or even a factor in the equation.


The fact that he never truely accepted that you werent really into threesomes and kept pressurising you must have hurt somewhat. I think when you repress feelings you come face to face with them in some form at some stage and maybe this is happening to you now?Maybe you feel you ended up accommodating everyone else and in the process not looking after number one as much as you would have liked to. I have regrets myself, im not necessarily talking about something sexual, situations where I have felt it was all give on my part with nothing substantial in return.I wish sometimes I had been more true to myself. I think the threesome might have been a huge deal to you at the time, to do something like that, but you might have been afraid of admitting it to yourself or making too much out of it so as not to rock the boat. People are into different things, to some people a threesome is a bit of fun and they can handle it but to others its massive deal or not something they would entertain ever. Either way respect for peoples boundaries is so important and your initial "No" to the threesome was never truely treated as a viable or legitimate response. That is completely unfair and disrespectful.

Don't beat yourself up about this please, take it as a lesson learned and listen the next time you have similar doubts, you know now what does and doesnt work for you, so be prepared to fight for that from now on, and do talk to a professional if only to clear your head, these services are there for a reason. The best of luck, trust me most people at some point will make choices that arent right for them, you are entitled to move on and be happy.

issem

OP, humans had been conditioned for thousands of years to suppress their sexual urges for the sake of preserving the family structure. Only very recently, with the advent of widely-available contraception, the forbidden group have taken it as a chance to progress their agenda by eradicating the family unit all together by over-sexualizing and perverting society and in turn destroying family values. One of the ways they have been doing this is by controlling the pornography industry, which they have done from it's inception. They started out using soft-core pictures in magazines of half naked women and slowly progressed the perversity of it until now human consumption of feces in pornographic videos is not uncommon.

Roasting was seen as absolutely sick 50 years ago and for thousands of years prior to that, most of your cultural conditioning and values were garnished from this era, it's only recently such perverse acts are seen as normal. In other words, be glad you actually have values and a conscience deep down, many girls your age have lost theirs in these crazy satanic-libertarian times we're under.

Ickle Magoo

issem taking a permanent vacation from this forum for ignoring previous warnings to keep advice constructive, helpful and on-topic.

LegacyUser

OP I can't tell you why this is only becoming an issue for you now but I can say that our brains are funny things at times and it can be something as simple as a smell or a sound that can trigger memories and confuse the hell out of us. I've certainly done my fair share of 'exploring' with various partners over the years, some stuff fairly straight forward, couple of things a little more out there and I'm always surprised at how my brain latches on to some things but not others. Don't listen to the moral police who are posting here. There is nothing wrong with having a good healthy sex life but not everyone will be into the same things and enjoy the same things. Your ex and you were clearly not on the same wave length at all and your feeling anxiety now over something you can no longer control which is just making the anxiety worse. There are always emotional repercussions with sex regardless of the type of sex, some are positive, some negative and some are more lasting then others.

We all have regrets over actions we've taken in our past and some are easier to let go of then others. If you find this is really starting to get you down then it might be worth speaking to your GP about maybe arranging a chat with therapist - remember our brian is an organ just like the rest of your body and sometimes it needs looking after.

Sleepy

It's your past, leave it there.

We've all done stupid things we regret (both sexual and non-sexual). If someone thinks they can judge you for it, fvck them tbh, you were open-minded enough to try something, you realised you didn't like it, you haven't done it again because you didn't enjoy it.

How can that not be a *good* thing? Our Life's experiences don't always have to be positive to be valuable to our futures.

Benny_Cake

Sleepy wrote: »

It's your past, leave it there.

We've all done stupid things we regret (both sexual and non-sexual). If someone thinks they can judge you for it, fvck them tbh, you were open-minded enough to try something, you realised you didn't like it, you haven't done it again because you didn't enjoy it.

How can that not be a *good* thing? Our Life's experiences don't always have to be positive to be valuable to our futures.

+100

OP, everyone has done things they regret, it's part of life. While your memory of the experience isn't a happy one, it seems to have been one that you have learned from, mainly that you were not compatible with this guy, and you have a greater awareness of your own needs and principles. Some of the most unpleasant times in my life were the times I learned the most from. In any case, don't beat yourself up over it, and don't let it prevent you from seeking meaningful relationships in the future, and talk to a professional about it if needs be.

dellas1979

Cant help thinking has something else happened in your life recently that has brought up certain emotions?
Could be anything from feeling let down, or unnerved or uncomfortable in something else to being under alot of stress.

LegacyUser

Wow, OP here, I wasn't expecting such nice replies. Thank you, I've certainly been given lots to think about in a good way.

I have been stressed lately about a couple of things, so I guess that's making everything seem worse. I'll have to admit I am Catholic so there's a guilt thing there too I guess. I'd like to go to confession, which was something I didn't think of doing. Probably because I'd be afraid the priest would run me out of church.

A big thanks to those who said it's in the past and I've learned from it. I certainly know now when to say no, and I'm not going to end up in that position again, which is something to be happy about.

ihsb

OP, I feel like you were pressured into a situation that you were not happy with. You were in love with someone and wanted to make him happy and he took advantage of that. He persuaded you to do something that you were not comfortable with.

No wonder you keep on having flashbacks. You said you were happy with your sex life just two of you. I think that you should look at speaking to someone. Counselling is great for talking things through. Getting to the root of problems and helping you deal with them.

Benincasa

dontgetit wrote: »

Wow, OP here, I wasn't expecting such nice replies. Thank you, I've certainly been given lots to think about in a good way.

I have been stressed lately about a couple of things, so I guess that's making everything seem worse. I'll have to admit I am Catholic so there's a guilt thing there too I guess. I'd like to go to confession, which was something I didn't think of doing. Probably because I'd be afraid the priest would run me out of church.

A big thanks to those who said it's in the past and I've learned from it. I certainly know now when to say no, and I'm not going to end up in that position again, which is something to be happy about.

OP: I can pretty much GUARANTEE you that the priest would not run you out of the church! Priests in confession are very gentle and understanding. There is a bit of a stereotype of rather nasty priests in the past. Perhaps there were a few but (a) I suspect that's a little bit exaggerated and (b) it's certainly not like that now.

Everything in confession is completely anonymous and there's no way a priest would ever reveal anything he ever heard there. And they hear all sorts of things, so I think it's pretty hard to shock them. I know a lot of people who have found real healing from going to Confession, so if you feel that's something that might help, then go for it.

If you are worried about where to go or want to ensure that you get a gentle priest, feel free to ask me here or PM me and I'll try my best to point you in a good direction.

Good luck OP.

Taltos

Benincasa please don't ask posters or the OP to PM or contact you in any way. If you have not already done so please take the time to review our charter.

Thanks
Taltos

NoobSaibot5

It's not really a priests business what you get up to sexually though. Without meaning to sound rude or disrespectful, what can he say or do that can undo the past?

Look, you said yourself that you were a young woman in your twenties, who was confident and in a relationship you were happy with. Remind me what you done wrong? At the time, both you and your partner consented to the idea of including another man intimately as two grown, mature adults. By the sound of your post, it sounds like you hold an element of resentment or blame against your boyfriend at the time for bringing the whole idea up and asking for your participation. Is this true?

You've said yourself that you could have easily said no and it would have been fine, which suggests to me that at the time you wanted to do it. You went ahead, had a threesome, and ultimately you weren't fond of it and never tried it again. Again, point out what you done wrong?

I'd feel concern or worry if it was the case you were forced into it, or if you done it out of insecurity, but from what you've stated it just looks like a confident woman in a loving relationship consentually experimented in a sexual capacity with her partner. It happens all the time here in this country and all over the rest of the world, and if you were comfortable doing it at the time you've got nothing to be embarassed or ashamed about now.

Don't get me wrong, we've all done something that at the time we thought was a great idea, and look back on ourselves at the time and think "why the hell did I do this?". It's human nature to experiment and make mistakes in our life, and any scientist worth his salt will tell you that sometimes experiments don't turn out well. You learned from experience that threesomes don't do it for you, and you've avoided doing it since. At least you can say that you have learned from the experience and stayed committed to your ideals and beliefs. There are many out there who'd do it just because they felt obliged to, or were simply told (not asked) to be involved, and sadly there are a lot of women at that young age who probably wouldn't learn from the experience at all and repeat their mistakes. Be thankful you had the strength of character to grow from it and realise what was ultimately more comfortable for you as a person. At the end of the day, it's nobody's business what any consenting, mature adult does in the comfort of their own home with their partner, so why does it matter what other people would think if they did know?

You say it was years ago, do you mind me asking precisely how long ago this was?


Judging by what you've said, lately you seem to feel ashamed for taking part. Why do you feel this way? Has your life changed significantly prior to the dreams and flashbacks? (for example a new relationship, new social setting, renewed spiritual beliefs?) In regard to your perception amongst others, has it changed recently? Sometimes ridicule from our peers can make us feel guilty about aspects of our life that they're insulting.

I don't mean to sound too extensive here, I just think there's more information we could learn about the scenario and about your own life now that may be taking root in the problem. Going to confessions and praying might offer a temporary calm, but as a Christian you can take comfort in knowing that God already forgives you for your sins and loves you either way, without judgement for making mistakes. I'd personally recommend going to a counsellor, or even ringing the Samaritans just to have a chat with them about it if it's effecting you so much. Dreams are a repetition of the psyche, it's our subconscious trying to tell us someting, and if this scenario is causing you that much distress well then it's imperative you seek some sort of support from a local GP or Counsellor first and foremost.

Babybuff

Bf sounds like a dick op. You stated that you hated the idea and it sounds like he spent a lot of time grooming you into accepting the idea so I can understand why you might feel that you were forced to go along with having sex with a man of his choosing (not yours?) to satisfy his needs. Threesomes are usually a mutually desired experience. I feel violated for you.

Taltos

OP - maybe it would help talking to a professional about this?

Really just someone to help guide you through whatever emotions are currently hitting you.
Believe it or not many of us have huge regrets from our past and sometimes something small from years or even decades ago can surface when you least expect it and usually at a really rotten time too.

Personally in terms of the threesome I can see why you are regretting it now, by your own admission it was just something you went along with and didn't really enjoy. Here's the thing though - you can let this past event shape and define who you are now letting it fester and pull you down - or each time it surfaces you can just laugh and say to yourself "at least I gave it a shot and they were useless". Make sure you laugh or smile - fools your brain...
Hopefully by laughing at it you will retrain yourself not to feel those negative emotions - but I still think going and talking to someone to help you work through the regret might be a better, faster approach to getting beyond this.

The Corinthian

NoobSaibot5 wrote: »

It's not really a priests business what you get up to sexually though. Without meaning to sound rude or disrespectful, what can he say or do that can undo the past?

The OP has stated that she's "Catholic so there's a guilt thing there too", so absolution from a priest would likely help these feelings - just because you or I may not be religious does not mean that such things do not have a very real psychological effect on those who are.

Given that the OP has already considered it as something that might help her and the only thing that is putting her off is fear of the priest's reaction, I think it might be a good idea if she goes for it - priests hear far worse things in confessionals, so I really would not be frightened.

Babybuff wrote: »

Bf sounds like a dick op. You stated that you hated the idea and it sounds like he spent a lot of time grooming you into accepting the idea so I can understand why you might feel that you were forced to go along with having sex with a man of his choosing (not yours?) to satisfy his needs. Threesomes are usually a mutually desired experience. I feel violated for you.

Maybe the OP should have definitively said she was not into a threesome, but she didn't. To suggest that she was forced is an exaggeration - no doubt he pushed for it, but he didn't put a gun to her head and really people need to take responsibility for their choices without always resorting to blaming others - I am not suggesting the OP is not doing this, but there does appear to be a tendency for people to advise to blame others rather than accept any personal responsibility, and this is, IMHO, as unhealthy as someone who only blames themselves.

dellas1979 wrote: »

Cant help thinking has something else happened in your life recently that has brought up certain emotions?

The thought had crossed my mind. Perhaps this is something the OP can shed light on?

Sleepy wrote: »

We've all done stupid things we regret (both sexual and non-sexual). If someone thinks they can judge you for it, fvck them tbh, you were open-minded enough to try something, you realised you didn't like it, you haven't done it again because you didn't enjoy it.

How can that not be a *good* thing? Our Life's experiences don't always have to be positive to be valuable to our futures.

But overall I'd have to agree with this; we all make mistakes or try things, sexually or otherwise, that turn out not to be our cup of tea. I wouldn't think of it as a mistake, only as an experiment and what you got from it is that it's not for you.

It's part of life and whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, as the saying goes.

MungBean

Sleepy wrote: »

It's your past, leave it there.

We've all done stupid things we regret (both sexual and non-sexual). If someone thinks they can judge you for it, fvck them tbh, you were open-minded enough to try something, you realised you didn't like it, you haven't done it again because you didn't enjoy it.

How can that not be a *good* thing? Our Life's experiences don't always have to be positive to be valuable to our futures.

This.

Your looking at it now from a different perspective which is why you feel differently about it. When your young your blasé about most things but on reflection in later years you just look at it from the perspective of a completely different person and its always going to be weird. You are re-experiencing things in a first person perspective that you know you wouldnt do now and it feels wrong but that doesnt mean there was anything wrong with doing it at the time.

Chalk it up to being young and experiencing life and your current feelings to gettin older.

Benincasa

NoobSaibot5 wrote: »

It's not really a priests business what you get up to sexually though. Without meaning to sound rude or disrespectful, what can he say or do that can undo the past?

I agree, it's not the priest's business what any of us do. And I know of no priest who thinks that a person's private life is the business of a priest. But that really has nothing to do with confession! In fact, one could use the same argument against going to counselling - it's no business of the counsellor what we do sexually. But such an argument would be ridiculous and I don't think that anybody would seriously make that argument.

Confession is about recognising that we have made mistakes and seeking forgiveness from God, not from the priest. The priest acts only as the instrument of God. A lot of people find real peace from going to confession. It's not about undoing the past, but rather it's about having the security of knowing that we are forgiven.

Some people may not believe this, fair enough. Others do believe it. The OP tells us that this is something that may help her, so she should definitely go for it. Even if you don't believe in the spiritual benefit, on a purely human level there is also surely a psychological benefit to this. It also has the added benefit of being free, anonymous and only taking a few minutes!

Best of luck OP with whatever you decide. If you do decide to go to confession and don't know what to do, just go in and tell the priest that you don't know what to say the priest will guide you from there.

Neyite

OP,
Some years ago I was in a difficult relationship. I was treated badly, but I also behaved badly. Through counselling I learned that the overall experience - terrible as it was at the time, was valuable to me because I learned from it. I had been trying to mould myself into being someone I could never be.

It sounds like you were too. Thats experimentation, and perfectly normal. I look back and with the wisdom I've gained with hindsight, I would never do now what I did in the past. But, I refuse to be ashamed of my behaviour because I recognise that it happened in that particular situation only, that it was out of character for me, and it was a necessary process for me to go through, It helped me grow into who I am today. And I'm very proud of that person.


Talk to a priest, I'm not religious myself, but I understand how if you are catholic you would feel much better afterwards. If you feel the need afterwards, you can research counselling.

Most importantly, you have to figure out whatever way it takes to let yourself off the hook here.

Babybuff

The Corinthian wrote: »

Maybe the OP should have definitively said she was not into a threesome, but she didn't. To suggest that she was forced is an exaggeration - no doubt he pushed for it, but he didn't put a gun to her head and really people need to take responsibility for their choices without always resorting to blaming others - I am not suggesting the OP is not doing this, but there does appear to be a tendency for people to advise to blame others rather than accept any personal responsibility, and this is, IMHO, as unhealthy as someone who only blames themselves.

The op isn't here trying to deny responsibility for her actions, she is having difficulty trying to understand why she is feeling this way about an experience. This not about whether or not it was a consensual act. Prostitution is consensual, doesn't mean that they particularly enjoy it or want to do it.
Op I also think you would benefit from talking to a professional about this.

The Corinthian

Babybuff wrote: »

The op isn't here trying to deny responsibility for her actions, she is having difficulty trying to understand why she is feeling this way about an experience.

I specifically said that I was not suggesting the OP was doing this. I was criticizing your advice, not her.

Ickle Magoo

Folks, this is not the place to bring up posting history regarding other forums.

If you want to discuss it - take it to PM. If you have a pet topic you want to soap-box, use the appropriate discussion forum.

THIS forum is for constructive, mature and civil advice, relevant to the OP only.

Cheers.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here

I did leave a detail out I should have mentioned that I am in a new relationship. The guy I'm with now actually knows about all of this. Not because I told him for the craic, but we were friends at the time. When my ex asked would I have sex with a stranger, he had met this guy on a forum for that sort of thing and sent him some compromising photos of me. Then he told this guy the estate and area where I lived. My ex didn't see anything wrong with this but at the time I lived on my own so after that my friend (now bf) came to stay with me for a bit.

My current boyfriend is a really lovely, clean living sort of guy. He's never been involved in anything of this nature, and while he certainly doesn't like what I've done in the past he hasn't said anything to me recently. I just can't help looking at him thinking I'm such a mess in comparison.

Taltos, something you said about laughing about it hit me in a weird way. It occurred to me I've been making excuses for my ex, always thinking "oh, he was a lovely guy, he just didn't think things through" or "he just wanted some fun, it was my fault for not being clearer", that I've never actually thought of him and thought "Hah, he was a bit of a pr*ck". And to think of him like that actually makes me feel better. Like I can smile because I've grown up and learned from the whole thing but he probably hasn't ( I assume, we don't speak any more). Is it wrong to think that way?

Babybuff

Op, I've participated in a threesome but it was much more consensual. It wasn't planned, none of us were involved with others at the time, it was a spur of the moment thing where an opportunity presented itself. (no men were involved) I had been intimate with them individually before so we knew our boundaries and we all had personal experience of each other prior to it. There was drink involved but not so much that it determined our actions. No one was taken advantage of. We all stayed together for the night too. It was a spontaneous moment and I remember it that way with people who just wanted to have a bit of fun. It's not a bad memory and my boundaries remain intact.

The Corinthian

dontgetit wrote: »

Taltos, something you said about laughing about it hit me in a weird way. It occurred to me I've been making excuses for my ex, always thinking "oh, he was a lovely guy, he just didn't think things through" or "he just wanted some fun, it was my fault for not being clearer", that I've never actually thought of him and thought "Hah, he was a bit of a pr*ck". And to think of him like that actually makes me feel better. Like I can smile because I've grown up and learned from the whole thing but he probably hasn't ( I assume, we don't speak any more). Is it wrong to think that way?

Maybe he was a prick, maybe he wasn't. Maybe somewhere in-between. If it works for you to believe he was, then maybe he was and even if not if it works for you, it works.

But I wouldn't get into the habit of thinking every past ex was a prick and that's the danger.

Babybuff

dontgetit wrote: »

When my ex asked would I have sex with a stranger, he had met this guy on a forum for that sort of thing and sent him some compromising photos of me. Then he told this guy the estate and area where I lived.

he sounds like a complete tosser tbh but well done on finding someone who treats you with respect, hopefully now you can move on with your life and not let this memory hold you back any longer.

Taltos

dontgetit wrote: »

It occurred to me I've been making excuses for my ex, always thinking "oh, he was a lovely guy, he just didn't think things through" or "he just wanted some fun, it was my fault for not being clearer", that I've never actually thought of him and thought "Hah, he was a bit of a pr*ck". And to think of him like that actually makes me feel better. Like I can smile because I've grown up and learned from the whole thing but he probably hasn't ( I assume, we don't speak any more). Is it wrong to think that way?

Actually I think taking this approach is a healthy way to look at things. Don't fall into the trap though of continually thinking of him or wondering if he has moved on. Just accept that the person you are now is not interested in that lifestyle choice. Laughter is great though so make sure you use it, even if it just a small smile when you find your mind drifting.

Another way to look at this might be - loads of folk wonder "what-if", some carry that fantasy for years and never try it. You though had the nerve and self-confidence to see if you liked it - and finding you didn't have moved on with your life. Turn what you now see as a negative event to be a positive - your self-confidence and self-awareness...

NoobSaibot5

dontgetit wrote: »

Hi, OP here

I did leave a detail out I should have mentioned that I am in a new relationship. The guy I'm with now actually knows about all of this. Not because I told him for the craic, but we were friends at the time. When my ex asked would I have sex with a stranger, he had met this guy on a forum for that sort of thing and sent him some compromising photos of me. Then he told this guy the estate and area where I lived. My ex didn't see anything wrong with this but at the time I lived on my own so after that my friend (now bf) came to stay with me for a bit.

My current boyfriend is a really lovely, clean living sort of guy. He's never been involved in anything of this nature, and while he certainly doesn't like what I've done in the past he hasn't said anything to me recently. I just can't help looking at him thinking I'm such a mess in comparison.

Well then in all fairness I'd be more concerned about leaving your current fella if that's the case. Honestly, look at what you just wrote. You've literally just admitted there that you feel your current boyfriend silently judges you about your past, which is what's causing you to feel guilty about it. I'm most curious as to what you mean by "recently", does that suggest he's said something to you about it before?

I'm sorry to sound abrupt but any loving, respecting and caring partner wouldn't judge you for the mistakes you made in the past in previous relationships. I honestly don't mean to judge, but I'd take the advice of other posters here and consider going to counselling as it's clear there's a lot of personal issues bubbling under the surface with you.

I can sense there's an element of hostility and blame towards your ex for you consenting to sexual experimentation (which is wrong, you've no reason to blame him if it was something you were willing to do at the time), and from that quoted text it's implied that in your current relationship you feel like you are being judged by the decisions of your past through comparisson (which is also wrong, because you deserve better than to feel like that).

I think professional help might assist you in focusing and reflecting on your general perspective on men and love, and it may improve your overall self esteem in the long run. At the very least think about it.

There is nothing wrong with going to counselling. Though spiritual beliefs can offer you hope your mental health and wellbeing is a huge priority and it's obvious from these dreams your having and the guilt your feeling that this is something playing on your mind.

Babybuff

Op, why don't you maybe talk to your current bf about it and see how he feels about the situation. Sounds to me like he was there for you in a protective capacity while you were with your ex. might help put some things into perspective for you. best of luck.

LegacyUser

Op here

Thanks again to everyone. I'm going to give some serious thought to speaking to a counsellor about this. I'm getting worried I've disclosed too much and somebody might identify me. Is there anyway a mod could close the thread?

Thank again

Taltos

Closed at OPs request.
OP - if you prefer this to be DELETED please just contact any of the mods.

All the best.
Taltos