How's your social life since becoming a parent?

Ms. Pingui

Do you still have time to see friends, have a night out, have hobbies etc. since you became a parent?

How often to you get to go out?
What do you do about babysitting?
If you're a single parent, do you date and how?

I'm a young single mother and I have virtually no social life. I have cabin fever from sitting in the house 24/7. All part of the job I suppose!

RubyGirl

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Do you still have time to see friends, have a night out, have hobbies etc. since you became a parent?

How often to you get to go out?
What do you do about babysitting?
If you're a single parent, do you date and how?

I'm a young single mother and I have virtually no social life. I have cabin fever from sitting in the house 24/7. All part of the job I suppose!

Virtually non existant in the going out department but tomorrow night I doing dinner for my 5 best friends. We arrange it at the end of night who is holding the next party and we go from there. Everyone looks forward to it. One of friends is not mad on doing night in her house so we do lunch with her.

Other than that it is tough, babysitter is hard to come by and sisters have their own kids so hate asking them always.

Nothing like a gud bottle of wine and a dvd.

Harley.

The first year and a half well after my 6 months maternity was up my social life was going to work. Had to leave work after that as it was too messy trying to relying on certain people to watch her. Since leaving work my social life has been pretty much for the best part, non-existant too.

Partly my fault, I have major trust issue with people, so never ask anyone to mind her. The handful of times I have, have been on emergencies any other time it's cause iv been offered from friends who know I need a good kick out the door sometimes just to feel human again.

I love my daughter to bits, Id do anything for her and my life has completely revolved around her since she was born, and in someways probably too much. if I do head out for a night the rare night I usually come home early cause I cant stop thinking about her even though I know she's fast asleep and ok. Still can't help constantly worrying about her. I dont go out much during the day with her to see anyone cause I know not everyone likes kids hanging around and I kinda feel everyone who doesnt have kids is like that :eek:

I feel like she's my responsibility and no one elses.

Decided to change things last summer and think of myself a bit more, I saved up for a car which I have now and hopefully will pass test end of month so I can get out and about more with her without feeling im relying on everyone. I make sure I go to yoga and gym twice a week usualy when she's in montessori, just to see and be with other people as well as giving eachother space from being so glued together. I know it's not good for her either. I also try and make sure I go out atleast a night every 3 weeks or so and try stay out late and enjoy myself! Also have a part time job for September which im realy looking forward to starting

So yeah a social life, or life at all can happen when you have kids, sometimes I think you just need to push yourself and learn that it's can ask for help (babysitting wise).

Lola92

Fairly dismal to be honest!

My daughter is 16 months old and I have been out a grand total of four times since she was born. Once stayed out for drinks after dinner with my dad while on holidays (Mam took the baby home), My OH christmas party for work - home by 11.30, another night out in November with a friend and another about 6 weeks ago, home before 12 one night and 2 the second night. My parents are great and will watch her when they can but I don't like to ask often and don't really have the money to go out much either!

uck51js9zml2yt

Whats a social life ?

We've not been out on our own in 18 months. Junior even came with us when we went out for a meal on our anniversary.

The only protracted time my wife had without junior was when she was in hosptial having surgery last month and they are both off soon to her home country for a few weeks which gives me a few weeks of unbroken sleep

Quazzie

Can you elaborate what the third and fourth word in the thread title are. They mean nothing to me anymore.

Statistician

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Do you still have time to see friends, have a night out, have hobbies etc. since you became a parent?

No

How often to you get to go out?

Never. Once or twice we had an early meal out so we could bring our offspring.

What do you do about babysitting?

We tried a babysitter once. Ended up staying in the room with the babysitter. (It didn't work)

If you're a single parent, do you date and how?

I'm a young single mother and I have virtually no social life. I have cabin fever from sitting in the house 24/7. All part of the job I suppose!

I never realised how much work is involved. I just don't know how single parents do it.
I would suggest going to parent/toddler/baby groups. Community centres run these.

Ms. Pingui

Seems like everyone is in the same boat so!
It does get lonely not seeing anyone my own age but I guess that just comes with the territory.

I know a good few girls in their early twenties or even younger and their social life hasn't seemed to change much since becoing mums. They're always off here and there having fun. It's hard not to feel jealous sometimes!

EGAR

I've never been much of a social animal so to say so it doesn't bother me, if I have the choice between a night out and a good book etc at home, I'd choose the latter.

My hobby is my work, I am one of the few fortunates who love their work, so I never work a day in my life .

liliq

Hats off, I honestly don't know how single parents do it!
I don't have a great social life, but I get out the odd time so it's not too bad.
My partner is happy to let me go out for a couple of hours on a Friday evening every once in a while, which isn't often anyway, and he calls over to the lads once every couple of weeks as well.
My mum has taken to being a nana more than anyone thought possible, so she minds my little man one day a week while I go to work, and every couple of weeks she'll take him for a few hours in the evening while we go to the cinema or get some dinner.
Apart from that we go for dinner early and take him with us, I go to the odd parent and baby group...

nesf

I get to see friends but nights out drinking happen maybe twice a year and at this stage I've pretty much given up the drink! But yes, my social life is near non-existent. Our youngest is getting to an age where a babysitter is a decent option so things might improve going forward.

littlebug

Depends how you define social life.
With no family nearby and my babies (esp the first) were not really babysitter friendly so there weren't really nights out for a long time. Honestly we were too knackered to even consider it anyway:o
With the kids bigger now we occasionally do things like whole family nights away either in someone elses house, another family staying in our house or even a few families away together somewhere for a couple of nights where we take turns babysittting. Have one of those coming up soon
Myself and some of my oldest friends (now geographically spread) also make a point of an annual girls night away somewhere.
It's rare for myself and OH to go out together.. it doesn't really cross our minds to be honest

Sleepy

My family are the other side of the country and the other half's parents are rediscovering their own social lives since their kids are all adults now so nights out together are quite rare. I'm at that stage of life where lots of my friends are getting married so have had a couple of stag dos and wedding recently which has been an exciting departure from the norm.

Outside of weddings etc. I'd say I make it out to the pub to see my friends maybe once every 3 months or so. My fiancée goes out even less as most of her friends have emmigrated or are off living their single lives. Even if we had a reliable babysitter on call, I don't think we'd make it out too often anyway due to finances. At present I think we've got two different vouchers for restaurants and a few free cinema passes that have gone unused for months due to the lack of a sitter.

Even when there's two of you doing the parenting it's hard to have a social life, I can only imagine how difficult it is for single parents who don't have the support of their families or the other parent.

Here's to the youngest's 18th birthday and getting our freedom back!

silly

Turns out i am an exception to the rule!
I am a single mother to an 11 yr old, became single when she was 1.5 and moved home to home county and i have the best family in the world! always on hand to babysit, i had a great social life, if it wasnt for my family, i would never have been out to meet my now husband and we are now expecting our first child together. we already have 2 weddings to go to when baby is 10 and 11 weeks old and already have offers of babysitting for those 2 nights.

I dont intend on staying in every night for months on end once the baby is born, i would be happy to head out with my husband once a month/2 months maybe, and that doesnt necessarily mean to the pub, a visit to the cinema maybe or dinner for 2.. we both have lots of family close to us, so i know that baby sitters will never be a problem.

cynder

Im not one for drinking, or getting drunk, i get out now and then sometimes with my husband sometimes on my own, very happy with the arrangement.


I meet a freind for coffee during the week, husband has the kids if i want to anything at the weekend. I used to do bootcamp 3 times a week, but now i started kcikboxing once a week.

It was the choice i made when i decided i wanted kids. Ive very content staying in with my other half on an evening.

When i lived on my own when i had my daughter i was also content with staying in as comming home drunk was not an option. I met up with friends who also had kids my daughters age.

Tbh I would much prefer doing a day trip with the kids then going out for the night....

As for babysitters my family are in the uk. My husbands sister babysat once on a while, we first got a baby sitter when our eldest was 6.

Incase of confusion my husband moved in with me when our eldest was 3.... Up until then I was a single parent. We were together but he lived elsewhere and saw his daughter and me maybe twice a week.

Das Kitty

OK, I'm not single.

I find far more time for my hobbies than I used to before I became a parent. It's like I'm more focused or something. I've done a couple of evening courses and once baba goes to bed I'm doing some hobby or other at home.

We go out together about once a month, I go out to various events as they come up as does my OH.

I don't drink much anymore, but it's a good thing. I have great nights out without a drop and feel grand in the morning.

I'm more than happy with my social life tbh.

bulmersgal

I think I'm a exception to the rule too I'm a single mum too my daughter is 2. I go to bootcamp twice a week and then out a couple of nights with my boyfriend. I never go out till she's in bed as she will only settle for me and my parents don't mind watching her as there is no watching on her.

I don't see harm in going out, most nights it's just out for dinner or cinema! It gives u a break and means all your conversations are about more then babies( I remember first year I'd fine myself just non stop talking about her as I did nothing else). Also as a single mother you need a break and a chance to meet a new man

Sleepy

In cases where both parents are actively involved, this is one area where being a single parent has some advantages: both parents have a few nights a week where they've no child-minding responsibilities and are free to do as they please.

pickarooney

Zero for the first three years or so until we started building up a network of child-minding swappers and realising we didn't need to be there absolutely every second of their lives. The thing is, going out is kind of boring now. I'd much rather have people over for dinner and drinks and that's something we do at least every couple of weeks. I know what Das Kitty means about actually having time for hobbies now in that rather than thinking 'I can do that whenever' I now have a couple of specific hobby time slots in the week which I never miss (unless I'm injured, which is about 60% of the time, but I digress..)

Ms. Pingui

Sleepy wrote: »

In cases where both parents are actively involved, this is one area where being a single parent has some advantages: both parents have a few nights a week where they've no child-minding responsibilities and are free to do as they please.

I'm totally single so I have my two year old girl all the time. I'm jealous of singletons who have the other parent around!

Sleepy

As the first of our friends to have kids, most of our friends in Dublin are still single or childless so their normal social life is out on the town on a Friday or Saturday night so I find it can sometimes be a bit hard to convince them to deviate from their normal plans and come around for dinner/drinks. Looking forward to a point where more of them have settled down and are in the same boat as we are and the dinner/drinks in each other's houses becomes more regular (though maybe it's just my cooking they're avoiding! )

bulmersgal

Sleepy wrote: »

In cases where both parents are actively involved, this is one area where being a single parent has some advantages: both parents have a few nights a week where they've no child-minding responsibilities and are free to do as they please.

Yea I get 6 hours every 2 weeks free time when her dad collects her and that's not guaranteed time so can never make plans so usually just study the odd occasion he turns up

bulmersgal

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

Sleepy wrote: »

In cases where both parents are actively involved, this is one area where being a single parent has some advantages: both parents have a few nights a week where they've no child-minding responsibilities and are free to do as they please.

I'm totally single so I have my two year old girl all the time. I'm jealous of singletons who have the other parent around!

Having other parent around brings its own problem. My daughter sees her dad less and less every year and she just turned 2

Ms. Pingui

bulmersgal wrote: »

Having other parent around brings its own problem. My daughter sees her dad less and less every year and she just turned 2

That must be tough too. I guess it's hard whatever way you have it as a single parent

The Princess Bride

This thread almost makes me feel guilty:o

When ours were young, we always made the effort to go out,either together( getting one of friends to mind or the childminder in) or seperate.


Why not ask friends to mind your children and then return the favour.
Then it won't matter if finances are tight,even go for a picnic or late evening stroll or whatever.
Or have friends around when children are asleep-it is do-able,believe me.
(If it hadn't been ,I'd never have had more than one.)

A little organisation and imagination.

Birdie086

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

That must be tough too. I guess it's hard whatever way you have it as a single parent

I still remember the exact moment I had to tell my mam and step-dad(a very old fashioned Italian) that I was pregnant and on my own at the ripe old age of 25.

I was paying my mortgage for four years already and put off telling them untill i almost four months gone!!!! I worked for them also so hiding it was awful.

They were better than thought and when my son was born they minded him while I worked(for them).

As far as a social life I was lucky that a few doors down from a neighbour who happened to be my cousin had a daughter of 17 who was quite willing to babysit for half what she used to charge the other nieghbours. It was an awful culture shock going from single life to being a single parent but I was lucky enough to get out once a month from when I stopped nursing(about two months in).

Eventually his dads family played a bigger part(not the dad mind) and now if I need it they take the wee man, now 5, for as long as I need.

There were some very hard times, financially - but thats not the be all of everything, and mentally, I went suffered from post natal depression for the first six months but thank god I had some great friends around who spotted this - I was unaware, and helped me out.

The last two years I have been seeing a guy who is great and had taken me and son as a package. We don't live together yet but if I need to work an early shift he will stay the night and take my son to school for me or take him with when he is working etc.

Sorry for the rambling post but I just thought I would share my story.

Been a crappy road at times, but a very rewarding road at others - like everyone else I suppose!

Jess16

Invest time in yourselves -the best thing a child can have is a happy, relaxed parent

Moonbeam

Luckily I wasn't mad in to going out to start with.
I am lucky enough that I might get out about once a month to the cinema or for a meal or to a show because I have a brilliant sister in law and although himself travels a lot if he is around I can sometimes go out if he isn't too busy.
Lunch time in work was my social life.
I love my kids but a few hours a month away from them can only do us both good:)

Rosy Posy

I'm not a single mum but have no extended family around. I find for the first year I hardly get out at all but am a SAHM so hang around with other SAHM's during the day. I also find the phone and gmail chat are big social outlet for me. Once a month I have a girls night in which is either at my place or at a friends and I will bring my baby along. He has a late night and probably not as good a sleep as he would on another night but I am a better mother for having the time for a proper catch up with friends.

From when they are fully weaned from the breast and sleeping through the night we get a friend or a local trustworthy teenager to babysit around once a month so we can head out together. Within our circle of friends we have been talking about setting up a rota so everyone babysits for someone else one night a month and in turn gets babysat for- that way it cuts out on having to pay. We sometimes have another family stay over so we can all hang out together too.

I have to say though that this is a point that we have gotten to after three kids, for the first we didn't get a babysitter for ages and I found it hard to leave. I have a few single friends and they really rely on their mates to help them out. All of the 'dating' opportunities and second relationships that have come about from them have, ironically, been through single parents of their kids friends- we have had a few blended families made from my son's class.

I know what you mean about people being funny about kids but I'm guessing you don't have a lot of friends with children? A lot of people don't appreciate children, but still more are mad for them and would be thrilled to help you out and have a 'go' of them. And remember, their baby days are so short, in the grand scheme of things and you will have a long time to rediscover your social life when your child is a little older.

nesf

Jess16 wrote: »

Invest time in yourselves -the best thing a child can have is a happy, relaxed parent

I couldn't agree more, but the reason I don't go out drinking anymore is exactly the above! A two year old bouncing up and down on top of you is not the best way to wake up with a hangover...

seanmul

Gone!

How Strange

We're very fortunate because my man had my brother when she was 40 and has always minded kids including my nephews for weekends so it's nothing for her to mind our son for a night. However I was very reluctant until we finished breastfeeding. We had a weekend away in November which was bliss and a night out last month; my man took our son overnight on both ocassions. We're going out tonight and my mother in law is taking him overnight so fingers crossed it goes ok.

Honestly we couldn't afford to go out more than once a month but it's great to go for a nice dinner and a few drinks and not be woken up at 6.30. Otherwise we might go to the cinema ocassionally or I might meet friends after work.

We're both in our late 30's and did all our going out abd partying so now we're quite content to sit in most nights. However I do think it's important for your relationship to get out together every so often and just be a couple again.

Special Agent Oso

me and my wife would only go out now maybe every 6 weeks or so tbh. I use to love gong out on the lash all day saturday and maybe even the sunday with the boys watching the football but now thats a big no-no and to be honest, i dont miss it. The days of me going out on the lash are over, instead we might go to the cinema or a have a bite to eat and a few drinks but nothing to serious. The hangover the next day now is unbearable and i dont feel its fair on our kids to be curled up in a ball on the sofa dying trying to fob them off to mickey mouse on tv, but if the little rugrats granny and grandad are about and are in no rush the next day, i think me and the mrs deserve a good ol' drink sometimes as well - just to get the notion out of our heads if nothing else

Jess16

nesf wrote: »

I couldn't agree more, but the reason I don't go out drinking anymore is exactly the above! A two year old bouncing up and down on top of you is not the best way to wake up with a hangover...

No, I'd imagine it's not but I think that investing in a little time out alone as an adult makes you more capable to cope with the everyday demands of bouncing two-year olds -so perhaps the hangover is simply a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain

eviltwin

It was fine with one child but since number 2 its pretty crap but that might be recession related. Even with no kids I would have a pretty lousy social life at the moment.

But I don't mind.

I was out with friends last week and I found it really tiresome going round clubs in my 30's. I do still get out but I tend to be looking to do things other than drinking till 3am.

nesf

Jess16 wrote: »

No, I'd imagine it's not but I think that investing in a little time out alone as an adult makes you more capable to cope with the everyday demands of bouncing two-year olds -so perhaps the hangover is simply a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain

Eh, there's more to social lives than drinking was more my point!

Das Kitty

nesf wrote: »

Eh, there's more to social lives than drinking was more my point!

Jesus yeah. I actually have better nights out when I don't drink.

cynder

Jess16 wrote: »

[

No, I'd imagine it's not but I think that investing in a little time out alone as an adult makes you more capable to cope with the everyday demands of bouncing two-year olds -so perhaps the hangover is simply a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain

I don't know, my personal view is that 2 patents should not be drunk or hungover when they have kids to take care of. It the babysitter is staying over night or is up in the morning fare enough. My own personal view is a parent should be able to care care of their kids if they are plastered and their is a fire the patents would be in no fit state to get the kids or themselves out of the house.

This is due to my dad being an alcoholic and fell asleep drunk one night with the chip pan on. The chip pan went on fire, We could have been killed!


Also if the 2 parents are hungover who is going to take care of the kids? Do the breakfast, and mind them? Or do they get left to their own devices?

I have very strong views on getting drunk so much do 9 years ago when my husband moved in with me I told him he wasn't to come back drunk, he has done about 5 times in those 5 years, I wasn't going to live in a realtionship with alcohol being drank regularly.

You can have a good relationship and social life without alcohol and hangovers and to be honest I think it sets a good example for the kids, I'm not saying Saying dont drink at all I'm saying don't get drunk, or drink enough to give yourself a hangover. Everything in moderation.

Personally I would prefer one of us be able to drive the car, meaning only having 1 drink with the meal or none at all....

My kids are now 12, 6 and 5 I don't need a hangover, for me to enjoy their company...

An hour or 2 out of the house without the kids but doesn't need to be focused on booze.

At the end of the day whatever floats your boat,,, kickboxing is floating mine at the moment, I love it...

pwurple

It depends what you call a social life... It is certainly different. We take turns to get out. My mam babysits, but you don't want to abuse that. So we get out together maybe once a month. He plays sport three evenings a week, so i kind of make it my business to also get out once or a week so I am not a hermit. Even if one of those is doing the groceries!

We try to have people over to us once or twice a month.

Ends up with us barely seeing eachother is the only thing.

cbyrd

We go out separately and then every now and and again we'll manage a night out together.. i have an amazing friend who will take them from about 5pm the night we're going out til the following afternoon..or even an extra night so a bit of a hangover's not a problem.. although 2 drinks is enough to give me a hangover.. i'm not used to it anymore :eek: :eek:we have my brother's wedding inn Donegal the weekend after next.. i can't wait for 2 nights uninterrupted sleep i do think it's very important to spend time together as a couple without kids.. otherwise when they've all moved out (hopefully) we won't know each other

Jess16

nesf wrote: »

Eh, there's more to social lives than drinking was more my point!

Oh I'm sorry, I took you up wrong as I thought you'd said the prospect of having a hangover whilst taking care of a toddler was exactly why you didn't go out anymore. But yes of course there's more to socialising than drinking, it wasn't what I was referring to at all until you mentioned it.

My only point is that there's more to life than parenting too and in an attempt to become the best parent, it's often easy to lose sight of that. Obviously priorities and preferences change with the arrival of a child but that shouldn't mean that adult pursuits are always last on the agenda.

EDIT: @ Grindlewald, um I'm not quite sure why you're counteracting points I haven't made suffice to say I agree with yours. -J

cynder

Jess16 wrote: »

nesf wrote: »

Eh, there's more to social lives than drinking was more my point!

EDIT: @ Grindlewald, um I'm not quite sure why you're counteracting points I haven't made suffice to say I agree with yours. -J

No one has to agree with me, it's my own personal choice. It's up to each family unit, I have a few friends who put a lot into their social life more than what they do with their family life, that's their choice, it's nothing to do with me. The kids are missing out a little but they are not neglected or abused.

I don't want to come across as you have to be like me, you don't. if someone wants to be drunk 4 nights out of 7 it's their choice. They may have a great social life, if that's what floats their boat, it's their life!

ash23

I'm a single parent. My daughter is 9. When she was smaller and I was in a relationship we used to go out once a month together, usually to the cinema and dinner. His mother babysat.
We'd go out separatly once in a while aswell.

Since becoming a single parent my social life is fairly hectic. I have babysitters in the shape of 2 grannys and my niece (16), my friends son (16) and my cousin (16) so I tend to rarely be stuck for sitters.
I go out every other weekend usually and I also have friends over to my house for a few drinks on occasion.
I get to go away for weekends with the girls now and then too.

It is much easier when they're older.
I don't find it easy to date though because even though I get out a fair bit, my time without my daughter is very limited (once or twice a month) which makes it hard to get time to build any sort of a relationship and I'm not really into letting people meet my daughter unless I'm sure it's a serious relationship.
I've had relationships but none have gotten to the stage of being introduced to her yet.

scholar007

...

Hannibal Smith

When we had the first it was pretty easy. We have 2 sets of grandparents so they would take him for a night and we'd enjoy the very odd night out. We never took advantage of it though. But now we have two and the youngest is still quite small, we haven't been out together since he was born, but we have been out separately and either my husband or I would do the babysitting. Not every week or anything but we do have some resemblance of a social life still, it's a little different than it was before though. It's rarely nights in pubs and more meeting in parks/playgrounds calling over to others for dinner/lunch kind of thing.

I couldn't leave them with a stranger to babysit. It sounds funny, because I was a babysitter when I was a teenager and would mind lots of the local kids. But I just wouldn't let anyone I didn't know look after them.

quad_red

Non existent.

Neither of us are from Dublin so we have no family support here which is a pain.
Having a baby has really highlighted to us how isolated we are. And with the economy in the ****ter, we really don't have much option to move to where she's from.

In regards to a social life, I look at my father in law and other guys with active vibrant social lives, great hobbies (golf etc) and wonder how?

Then the answer comes to me: you can only do this if one partner (ie. the woman) takes on 90% of the parenting responsibilities.

You live the dream - she takes care of the kids.

Sleepy

Or you can split them and have half a social life each. Head out every third week with the lads whilst she goes out every third week with the girls and you stay in together / get a babysitter for the other third weekend.

Similarly for golf etc, nothing stopping you going out for a round every second weekend whilst she pursues one of her interests on the alternating weekend / other day of that weekend.