What is important for you in a relationship

LegacyUser

I'm interested in getting opinions on something.

1st, what is it you look for in a woman (or man), for a relationship.

2nd, if you're in a relationship, does your partner match up to the ideas you had before the relationship?

Me, I'm 25 and have not ever had a gf. Ya its a strange one. but I don't think I'm a quasimodo. Maybe I'm too picky - I want a girl who shares my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel, etc. I get bored with real girly girls, like my friends gfs, I dont see what they can talk about all the time when theyre alone.

But my mates have said that they felt the same as me before meeting their gfs. They think that theyre not compromising now, but of course they are?

Maybe what I'm looking for is a buddy, but in hot female format. Does such a thing even exist! Maybe I don't no what Im looking for, til I'll find it?

Curious to know others experiences, whether yer opinions maybe changed ovr the yrs, and so on.

Otis Driftwood

Moved from tGC.

stripysocks85

Im looking for someone easy going with a great sense of humour. Someone confident, but not arrogant. Hardworking, but not overly so. Someone who shares similar interests with me, but also different ones. Someone who enjoys sex. An all rounder I think. Your partner SHOULD be your best friend. Someone you can tell anything to and feel completely comfortable with. Someone you enjoy being with and look forward to spending time with. I'm being very idealistic here, but anyway

cactuspaw

tbh op, i think your one of the few 25 year old guys who looks for that kind of girl. most guys i know are very based on how a girl looks and while the group i hang out with is a good mix of guys and girls, most of the girls are single even though I would say they are very intelligent, attractive women. the guys in our group don't seem to be interested in us at all really, but happy to date girly, ditzzy girls.

anyway, what do I look for in a man? hmmm...how long have ya got?
sensible, decent funny guy. I used to be a lot more pickyer, but tbh now i just want a nice sound guy who i can have a bit of craic with. I guy who makes the effort and treats me with respect.

allgirlz

I am at the other end of things now as am married, but what I looked for in my husband was someone kind, who I could chat to about anything and who made me laugh and vice versa. Obviously at the start there was all the physical attraction (still is) but over time it grew into something more solid. I knew from the beginning he was different though, he never played games and always made me feel good about myself. He is my best friend, and is always in my corner, that is hugely important to me.
Sounds like you have a good attitude and I have no doubt that you will meet someone soon.

OP, this is now in PI, and not for getting others' experiences.
Is this a personal issue for you? If not I will lock it or move it somewhere

LegacyUser

bluewolf wrote: »

OP, this is now in PI, and not for getting others' experiences.
Is this a personal issue for you? If not I will lock it or move it somewhere

No, certainly not a personal issue. I was just interested in hearing the experiences of others,to see how things had gone for them, if their opinions had changed over the years.

Its not an issue for me that I havent had a girlfriend. I thought it might have been a good discussion is all, whether your wants and needs change when you meet the right person. I was looking for discussion, not advice.

No point moving to AH I think. I thought gents club may have been interesting place for it, but it seems not. I'm not sure where else would suit really.

ihsb

OP, I think you have to change what you expect.

I personally think that your OH should be your best friend. But to share all the same interests I think is mad. Variety is the spice of life and if you find someone that shares all these things with you then you may aswell stay alone because you will be dating a female version of yourself.

Of course you need some things in common. To me sex and sense of humour is the most important. But the OH has a completely different taste in music, doesn't have the same passion for travel as I have and expects completely different things off me in a relationship as to what I expect of him.

But somehow it works.

Be more open to girlie-girls, they might surprise you and be open to compromise.

That_Guy

Personally I look for someone with a good personality first and foremost. If she's pretty then that's a bonus but not a necessity for me.

I'd like someone with similar interests but I think it's important to share different interests and to get involved with her interests just as I'd like her to share in mine from time to time.

Just somebody I can trust really and share nice moments with and have stupid private jokes and basically just to have that butterfly feeling again knowing that somebody thinks the world of you like you do her.

Oh and the ride. :pac:

jaffacakesyum

Looks and personality are equally important for me. I'd hate to be with someone who didn't think I was 'that pretty' and was just with me because we got on really well, clicked personality wise.

I don't think it's shallow either. I just won't get in a relationship with someone who I think is 'alright' looking. They have to be really attractive to me. That doesn't mean they need to be a supermodel - what I find really attractive somebody else could think is 'meh'. :pac:

stupidusername

The right amount of sensitive, hard working, funny, intelligent, open, thoughtful - the usual things people go for I suppose. a big thing for me is feeling he's into me. don't like doing the chasing.

Sauve

allgirlz wrote: »

is always in my corner

^^
Very well said. That sentence pretty much sums up what I would describe as the perfect relationship.
It summarises a healthy balance of encouragement, inspiration, loyalty, trust. Someone who will challenge you, pull the best out of you, and still be there when it all falls apart.

Physically, I rate 'that something' over looks everytime. That flash of attraction when you first make eye contact? Unbeatable

kangaroo

Aside:
Personally, I find this sort of thread more interesting if people say if they are male or female. Note: I'm not saying anyone has to. However, some posters may think many or most people will know while I, for one, find it hard to keep track of who is who, even when I'm posting, or reading, a bit.
(Male, although I find the gender thing more interesting for the "What is important for you in a relationship?" question and similar questions, rather than this sort of comment).

amacachi

Looks aren't hugely important to me but for me to be interested in a girl she has to have blue eyes. :pac:
I'm pretty non-specifically fussy when it comes to women. Funny and smart would be the two main things. Also not worried about heavy usage of alcohol and stuff. Doesn't seem too likely. :pac:

guitarzero

First off, I have to be physically attracted to her. I still cant grasp how folks can be with someone and not find them arousing, it simply doesnt add up for me. And as many have said too, I'm not out searching for a model, just someone that I find attractive. Based on girlfriends in the past, what I find attractive can vary a fair bit.

The hardest part for me is the character compatibility, I'm like a triple A battery. I dont get a long with most folks I meet but I'm always accommodating. I'm naturally introspective and prefer meaningful dialogue over small talk. Of course, with the opposite sex, this means the odds are even more unfavourable, here in Dublin anyway.

You mentioned your 25, I wouldnt worry, a few of my mates havent had GF's before and they're heading into their late 20's, one of them is actually a great catch. Vast majority of fellas/mates I know are single not by choice but because what you were kinda hinting at, the actual talking to women and how much compromise you have to make. Would I be wrong is guessing you're from Dublin? I've found a lot of the Dublin women in their 20's, whether it be cuz of the celtic tiger, TV, Sugar Babes or whatever, to be pretty dim, easily amused, a bit hysterical. You simply cant have a conversation with most of them without wondering "what would my 14 year old self say?".

Your mates are with those girly girls for one thing, it just depends how much you are willing to compromise, what your threshold for stupidity is. If she's a cracker then I'd definitely laugh at her bullshít over a few pints.

I think a lot of depends on what you're into, your character and how attractive you are. If you're into alternative types of music, very picky and another face in the crowd then online dating could be the thing for you.

karaokeman

I'm not too fussy about funny girls or girls who are not too girly. There is something cute that sticks out about girly girls and lets be fair it would be difficult and possibly unhealthy to find someone who is basically the female version of yourself, you have to have some differences.

I would also agree that while they say personality is a lot more important than looks, you have to have a certain degree of attraction to another person. To have a strong and healthy relationship it must be mutual in both ways, for liking the other person for who they are and having a reciprocal sexual bond. One cannot form a lasting relationship without the other, I don't know of any couples that lasted because they didn't have the best of both.

So yes looks are vastly important, and the whole "looking for a model" thing is bull**** beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I personally find brunettes to be far better looking than blondes but I know other's who see it the other way around. A woman who is a genetic genius to one fella is only average looking to another.

Also I would not encourage online dating to anyone in any circumstance. Especially for guys who have never had girlfriends or been on a date, girls on those sites may not always reply to your messages and winks. It can be frustrating and its a massive blow to anyone's confidence.

I would be much more inclined to encourage someone to be as sociable as possible and try and meet as many girls as they possibly can. If you ever see an attractive person sitting by themselves at a pub, train, bus in a quiet atmosphere just go up and talk to them. Its difficult at first but it gets better and easier to do with experience, it can also be a useful alternative to guys who find it difficult to meet girls in nightclubs because at least in these situations they will more than likely be sober and may not have set plans.

wivy

1. Initially I would admit I go for looks when approaching a guy... tall, dark.. As previous posters say I really think you need that initial attraction and it is important for me..

2. I want a guy whos intelligent, witty and funny with a kind and caring personality. Someone I can basically talk to about everything and anything and who can make me fall around the place laughing...

3. Someone with ambition and some get up and go in them. They want to go places, try new things and are open to new experiences!

... not looking for much at all really... :P

Daisies

Sauve wrote: »

^^
Very well said. That sentence pretty much sums up what I would describe as the perfect relationship.
It summarises a healthy balance of encouragement, inspiration, loyalty, trust. Someone who will challenge you, pull the best out of you, and still be there when it all falls apart.

+1. I want someone who I can be myself with. My true self. Someone who will make me laugh, who will lift me up when I'm down and someone who shares some interests with me. I also love when someone is passionate about something that I have no clue about. I love hearing them explain the topic and the flash of enthuasiam is so attractive.

Sauve wrote: »

Physically, I rate 'that something' over looks everytime. That flash of attraction when you first make eye contact? Unbeatable

+1,000,000 for that. That spark whether it's a glint in the eye when you first make eye contact or whether it's the fact he made you laugh until your belly hurt at your first meeting. I find myself attracted to people who are not conventionally good looking (whatever that may be) due to something that just clicked initially.

awec

This post has been deleted.

guitarzero

wivy wrote: »

1. Initially I would admit I go for looks when approaching a guy... tall, dark.. As previous posters say I really think you need that initial attraction and it is important for me..

2. I want a guy whos intelligent, witty and funny with a kind and caring personality. Someone I can basically talk to about everything and anything and who can make me fall around the place laughing...

3. Someone with ambition and some get up and go in them. They want to go places, try new things and are open to new experiences!

... not looking for much at all really... :P

Probably explains why so many lads I know are single:)

Princess Peach

My partner exceeds my ideas and expectations for the relationship. This is my first really good relationship, didn't really believe it was possible

Personality wise we just click! We are both super silly and funny, and a little bit on the mental side. We have mutual respect for each other, he knows I'm smarter and I don't rub it in his face :pac: We are both very caring and loving and sensitive to each others feelings. Both on the same page to how much we care for each other and what we want for our future. Talk all the time about everything, stupid stuff and important stuff. Don't ever feel the need to hide anything from him. Share a lot of the same interests in games/books/movies/tv shows. Sex drives are pretty much on par, and very compatible there.

So he is my best friend and my buddy, but one I ride when I can :pac: I didn't really go looking for the guy who was perfect for me, just kinda happened.

Snowie

awec wrote: »

My answer to the question would have to be that I honestly don't know.

thats not actually a bad thing


Me, I think attractions really important for me, if I wasn't attracted to her I wouldn't go with her. Personality too. I don't mean to sound to, shallow but I can't lie and say Id go with a girl cause she's got an amazing personality attraction is just as important... As my mates girlfriends says if you can imagine your self naked with that person its all good...
Quirky in their own right creative, or not creative doesn't bother me a degree of sarcastic intelligence slightly off the cuff sense of humor...

Pawwed Rig

Snowie wrote: »

Me, I think attractions really important for me, if I wasn't attracted to her I wouldn't go with her. Personality too. I don't mean to sound to, shallow but I can't lie and say Id go with a girl cause she's got an amazing personality attraction is just as important... As my mates girlfriends says if you can imagine your self naked with that person its all good...
Quirky in their own right creative, or not creative doesn't bother me a degree of sarcastic intelligence slightly off the cuff sense of humor...

Attraction is fine initially but there needs to be more than that. I have met alot of very beautiful very very uninteresting girls. Longer term looks don't tend to be as important

- old married man here my wife has it all though;)

Snowie

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Attraction is fine initially but there needs to be more than that. I have met alot of very beautiful very very uninteresting girls. Longer term looks don't tend to be as important

- old married man here my wife has it all though;)

But I do agree but I need to be attracted to the person is personality really enough ? I would agree yes but i still think you need some level of physical attraction.. You know what they say... You know when you know


I just go bye instict these days.

D'Agger

Two things for me -

(1) Looks - you need the initial attraction to somebody
(2) Sense of humor/Wit - I like to joke and mess around, I have an odd sense of humor and a quick enough wit - I like somebody who'll slag me off and keep me on my toes.

Daisies

Snowie wrote: »

But I do agree but I need to be attracted to the person is personality really enough ? I would agree yes but i still think you need some level of physical attraction.. You know what they say... You know when you know


I just go bye instict these days.

What I tend to find is the more I get to know the person and their personality, the more attracted to them I become (obviously this only works is they are not a complete d1ck).

G-Money

Someone who interests me and is a bit exciting but not to the point where she is high maintenance and/or doing my head in or getting herself or others into trouble.

Attraction is important too and that's one thing that sort of puts me off internet dating. You can see pics and chat and everything but it usually takes days at least before you get around to meeting and it can be a whole lot of build up and a big let down. Whereas when you are out and you see someone you just know straight away you fancy them.

Snowie

Daisies wrote: »

What I tend to find is the more I get to know the person and their personality, the more attracted to them I become (obviously this only works is they are not a complete d1ck).

Isn't that like an unwritten rule.

Daisies

Snowie wrote: »

Isn't that like an unwritten rule.

Sometimes ya just gotta point out the obvious!

boobar

Good looks first (not going to lie about that)
Personality (if this is the pits then the above won't make it last)
Wit (good crack and witty)
Caring (sure you have to get a bit of TLC)

Pawwed Rig

Snowie wrote: »

But I do agree but I need to be attracted to the person is personality really enough ? I would agree yes but i still think you need some level of physical attraction.. You know what they say... You know when you know


I just go bye instict these days.

No. There needs to be attraction. What I am saying is there needs to be more than attraction or you'll be saying goodbye in short order

Fentdog84

No the interests thing wouldnt be an issue for me as long as she wouldnt be complaining about the things that Im interested in. Ive no problem with girlie girls as long as its not OTT or annoying. Not really into girls who like doing the same things as guys too much- I mean, a girl who knows more about football than me I would find that a turn off tbh. other things i would look for is just basically to like the person and get on with the person, most of the time.Everything else just kinda sorts itself out after that I think.

Rich11

sex:pac:..................... hold on this isnt "after hours":rolleyes:

Princess Peach

I was thinking about this a little and maybe if you have this "ideal partner" idea it is hard to find them then.

Just thinking of some of the things about my boyfriend I would have said before we met weren't what I ideally wanted. He's a bit older, he lived far away, he's not much of a party guy, he doesn't like Star Wars or Star Trek, he's not blonde!

Had I thought about this I probably wouldn't have given him much a chance you know. And I'm so so glad I did. There's no problem having ideas of who you want, but you should always be open to new people, cause it could turn out great!

OakeyDokey

For me there has to be a little physical attraction but saying that I mainly have ended up with people that I don't fancy when I meet first. I've been friends first, I don't like a relationship to go fast I love the whole "dating" period because I get to know them.

I think everyone likes to meet people with similar interests and goals as themselves but I wouldn't shun a lad for being different, I love the first few months when you can really get to know a person.

When I'm in a relationship I make sure that communication is good between us, I'd hate not to be able to talk to a person. Trust is also an important aspect and it's hard to have trust in someone without communication.

I think date nights are perfect to keep it fresh after a few years. One day a month to go out and do something together

swapple

Princess Peach wrote: »

I was thinking about this a little and maybe if you have this "ideal partner" idea it is hard to find them then.

Had I thought about this I probably wouldn't have given him much a chance you know. And I'm so so glad I did. There's no problem having ideas of who you want, but you should always be open to new people, cause it could turn out great!

Completely agree with this! OP; don't try to find a particular type of girl -
take people as they come; not all girly girls are the same! One could surprise you someday

As far as my ideals go, I hadn't really defined a set list of qualities I was looking for in a significant other, at least not when I met mine.
But based on previous 'preferences', I just wanted a guy who gets me and my sense of humour, and isn't too uptight!

The boyfriend has definitely matched these ideas. Also, since meeting him, I have had a significant boost of confidence (probably not hugely noticeable to outsiders, but I'm normally a bit of a socially awkward penguin!). My friends actually like him too, which is really unusual! Not saying that it's a 'requirement', but it's just nice not to have to worry about bf and friends hanging out and wondering if they'll get along! :rolleyes:

In previous relationships, I felt that I always came second to something, or I simply wasn't good enough, so now to be with someone who is actually glad to be with me is rather odd... but kind of wonderful!

Most importantly he makes me quite happy, and vice versa; what more could you ask for

Otis Driftwood

Ya but ye are both lovely in fairness!

eviltwin

Someone who can be my best friend with all that entails. Looks never were a big thing. I've always ended up with men who were average looking but as they won me over with their personality they became the sexiest guys around.

grames_bond

swapple wrote: »

Most importantly he makes me quite happy, and vice versa; what more could you ask for

This this one million times this!!

starlit

Before I'd have a long check list but now think its meaningless. The ideal person might be different from what you think is your ideal or type of person. You might have a certain look or type you go for that's fine maybe for some aspects of a person but not the be it and end all other things can come into consideration too. What you think is your ideal might not be your ideal at all that your ideal could be someone else!? Though I do try to be a little bit more open I am a tad bit fussy though not to the extreme.

1. For me I suppose personality wins out hands down! If someone hasn't a personality I gel with or find it hard to talk to them or if they are too loud or too quiet that would be a no brainer! I need to be able to have a conversation with someone, be my friend and understand each other. Though not ruling out that opposites attract.

2. Sense of humour be another thing, the guy would have to have a similar sense of humour to me or at least be funny but not insult to be funny. Can have a laugh and the banter but there is such a thing as crossing the line when acting the maggot or insults people for a laugh that would be a no no for me. Immaturity not my thing.

3. A reasonable education and someone I could have an intellectual conversation with and is mature for ones age. Poor conversation or not clicking with someone that would raise a few flags for me. Job wise not a major thing as I understand what the situation is in Ireland but as long as they are happy or have a job I don't mind what ever it is, money and status means nothing too me. Just reasonable standard is enough for me. Though I draw the line if someone hasn't done the leaving though, and that perhaps they at least tried 3rd level though not for everyone that's fine some aren't suited to it. Just that education is very important to me. A trier is better than a doer if you got motivation and ambition I am yours!

4. Say when it come to values and interests it would be important to share similar things and views but not everything its ok to be a little different. That what make that person unique to me, have something talk about and share but that they have their own kind of thing going on independent of me and own space and vice versa for me too. If its the the extreme opposite as in polar opposite then I don't know, I wouldn't like being total opposite in everything as we could end up clashing, some things is ok though like yin yang kinda thing. Compatibility to an extent in most things and areas be important.

5. Looks and attraction be last on my list not the most important or be it and end all but important at the same time. A certain level of attraction. I wouldn't go out with someone if there isn't something there and he feels the same way about me. If its one sided then it won't work. He doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous, once I fancy and like guys who are average-above average looking and I am ok with that. There is such a thing as being realistic!
Though anything else to happen then physical attraction and chemistry need to go hand in hand if its one or the other could make or break. I cannot separate sex from love.

Though I go for certain looks, types and style I suppose and attracted to certain guys over others. I cannot help it who I fancy and don't fancy. Though don't fancy someone straight away, like them yes but until I get to know them will I start to fancy them. Looks is minor, nice too look at, cute, easy on the eye that's ok. More Irish he is the better! I know that's a bit narrow minded I only like Irish guys but find I am more attracted to them than say the likes of really handsome guys like Enrique Iglesias. Same goes for younger guys I'm more attracted to them than older ones. I like a style or look that suits a guy. If he has sense of style that doesn't suit him then no if it does then grand.

It be important to have a life outside the relationship too very very important. Its like living at home I feel I am married to my mother sometimes and that weighs me down. I'm not her husband but feels like that. Then again its the adult child-parent situation and its difficult so from a partner point of view I'd understand what its like to need personal space and live your own live outside a relationship otherwise you tire of the relationship and get sick of each others company if you are with each other too much and living in each others pockets, its not healthy. Which in fact can lead to poor communication, break down of communication, doing our own thing without each other more so, and lack of a secure relationship where you don't confide in each other. If we change then we drift apart then.

Its important we grow together but grow outside too but not too much that we distance each other if that happens then no point in the relationship continuing.

Though happiness with someone is probably close to the top too for me. After that friendship, communication, loyalty, honesty, trust, compromise, give and take, openness and compatibly.

Dubhlinner

Has to be of similar intelligence to me.

Has to have similar social concepts. ie agree on what is acceptable socially and in relationships.

Has to find same tye of humour funny

Things like interests and music not so important but can be a bonus. With current girlfriend for example it would be cool if she was more interested in politics but it doesnt matter overall as she often doesn't get humour related to politics but overall not an issue

MaroonAndGreen

I dont know if I have a particular type of girl I'd go for.

Need to be attracted to them and think they are good looking etc but thats not much when it comes to being right for a relationship like..

I'd want someone who I could be 100% myself with and they would like me being 100% myself. Someone who is caring and would make an effort and someone that isnt just thinking about themselves.. ( they would understand my feelings too )

But you dont find out these things rightly until you get to properly know someone!

mcmacness

I always end up going for the same types of guys, I think I have a Florence Nightingale complex or something. If he has depression, or a drug problem or any kind of problem in life, that seems to be the guy that I end up with, always thinking that I can improve things for them or make their lives better. It doesn't work.

What I'd like now is a guy thats nice, intelligent, down to earth, with a sense of humour and that's willing to make an effort to accomodate me as well as himself. I think it's important that the person you're with makes an effort with your friends and family too, I've always made an effort in that respect in past relationships.

I also think it's important for me now to be with someone with similar goals. Or someone that's career oriented, that wants to be successful, not just in monetary terms, but that isn't idle. I have a habit of treating the person I'm with even when it's not reciprocated so I guess I would like to be with someone generous or at least appreciative.

Most importantly for me when the next guy comes along he may have a hard time convincing me that its worth it. My confidence and faith in relationships has been severely knocked recently so I reckon getting to know the person over a longer period of time would be important to me this time around, because you think you might already know that person but it might not be the case.

issem

Mental stability, a trait that is often overlooked by men as we live in a country where it's very hard to find a woman who has it.

The Corinthian

Mental stability is something that is increasingly rare in both genders in our increasingly narcissistic society. However, you're right, mental stability is all to often overlooked or not properly diagnosed until you find yourself tied to someone who turns out to have borderline personality disorder.

Giselle

issem wrote: »

Mental stability, a trait that is often overlooked by men as we live in a country where it's very hard to find a woman who has it.

Jesus. What a statement.

Out Of The Night

Trust
Able to talk for hours about everything and anything
Intelligence
chemistry

Handsome Bob

Two things I have learnt:

1) You can't force something that doesn't feel right, no matter how much you want things to work.

2) You have to have patience, don't make a decision that something isn't going to work based on 1 or 2 dates.

Attractiveness is key but not necessarily linked to looks, I was mad about someone in college who others wouldn't class as a looker but jesus, when she walked into a room she lit it up. If there is a good rapport, if you feel comfortable in someone's company and if they make your day infinitely better by just seeing them....then anything can happen.

Esoteric_

Sense of humour. Gotta be able to laugh at yourself and make me laugh.

Intelligence.

That's about it really. If things get serious with someone, trust and loyalty and all that is obviously necessary, but in general someone you can just have a laugh with and enjoy their company is good.

If I had to pick the one most important thing in my relationship with the girls it would be "communication" every time. The entire relationship is based on open, honest and frequent communication. Of course all the other things have to be there - trust, attraction, interest and more - but I can not identify a single factor more important - or even close - than communication.

Handsome Bob

The Corinthian wrote: »

Mental stability is something that is increasingly rare in both genders in our increasingly narcissistic society. However, you're right, mental stability is all to often overlooked or not properly diagnosed until you find yourself tied to someone who turns out to have borderline personality disorder.

I was close to someone who I could only describe as being borderline even if she was never technically diagnosed. It's not fun, and I'm still feeling the effects to this day.