GF broke up with me for "no reason"

_dublinlad_

Ok, I will keep this as short as I can. Any point of view or opinion is much appreciated.

Met a girl on a stags weekend down in Galway in oct of 2010. Met her in a club, we kissed and she told me her name before leaving so I added her on fb when I got home to Dublin.

Didnt think I had met the love of my life but thought she was pretty and the type of girl I would like to see again. Anyway, turned out she worked as a primary school teacher in Dublin during the week. We ended up meeting up a week or two after for a few drinks. After meeting her a few times after this I was fairly indifferent to her. After a month or so went by it was clear she was much more in to me as I was her. She would always text me first, suggest going places all the time etc... I just didnt see the spark that she saw at the time. But we kept meeting regardless because we had fun together.


Aaaannnnyway it continued on like this for the next 6-7 months seeing each other once or twice a week. In all this time the words gf or bf never cropped up. I gradually got to like her more during that summer and we eventually had the talk around july and we were officially a couple. At this point I think she still liked me a little bit more but it was much more even as I was giving more in the relationship.

As time moved towards christmas I started to really like her. She bought me a lovely christmas present and I decided to book 4 days in Paris in April for us for her christmas present. She was delighted when I told her. Since I booked the trip I had been laying low saving because it cost a bomb.

Anyway after new years 2012 she started acting distant when we met up, no pda anymore and just general distant behaviour. We would normally peck on the lips before we parted but she started to pull away. Anway on a saturady night in february 2012 she sends me a text at 2 in the morning saying she wants to break up and that her "heart isnt in it". I asked her for a reason and she said she honestly couldnt give me one, the feelings just stoped.

To say Im shattered by this would be an understatement. Plane tickets booked for paris next wednesday and we are not going. She said she really really wants to be friends but I said straight out no because it would be too hard for me. Its been a month since we spoke.

I guess what im asking here is - what the **** happened? I was finally commiting to the relationship, we were getting along great and then bam in the space of the month it turns sour and she looses interest in me.

Any comments welcome..

Nothingbetter2d

go enjoy paris on your own. i think she cheated on ya at some point.

_dublinlad_

She is the most honest person I have ever met, she definately never cheated on me. She is a blunt and straight to the point person and always said the truth never hurts. She said if she could think of a reason why she broke up with me she would say but she cant anwser that herself.

As for going to paris on my own - not a chance, that would be the most depressing trip ever

italodisco

as hard as it might be to believe, sometimes people do just drift , I've been in your shoes pal, 3 years down the drain because she fell out of love with me..... Took a long time to get over it but I don't regret a thing ...... Hardest part was finding out 2 years later from her sister that she still carried a flame for me and only left me because it wad long distance / her mother didn't approve..didn't want her with a foreigner lol......

All I can say is head to Paris , sight see, don't text her , block her number totally..... Hit the scotsman for quiznight if its on, go dancin, and smile..... Don't dwell, you will move on at some stage, its just another of lifes bumps ...

ElleEm

OP, sometimes the spark just goes.
Whether you were into her or not doesn't matter. She obviously started to have doubts on whether it was right for her or not, and it wasn't so she broke up with you.
This seems to have been a long time brewing, and she may have tried to wait out the Paris trip to see how she felt, or as not to waste it.

It's a horrible situation to be in but just be thankful that she didn't leave you waiting too long to break up with you.

Have you spoken to her at all since Feb?

_dublinlad_

ElleEm wrote: »

OP, sometimes the spark just goes.
Whether you were into her or not doesn't matter. She obviously started to have doubts on whether it was right for her or not, and it wasn't so she broke up with you.
This seems to have been a long time brewing, and she may have tried to wait out the Paris trip to see how she felt, or as not to waste it.

It's a horrible situation to be in but just be thankful that she didn't leave you waiting too long to break up with you.

Have you spoken to her at all since Feb?

She said she was thinking about it for a month. We met up almost a month to the day ago for the last time. I said to her that we are never going to speak or see each other after we part tonight. And we havent. Its actually her birthday today, im not going to send her a message or anything.. as much as I want her back

_dublinlad_

italodisco wrote: »

as hard as it might be to believe, sometimes people do just drift , I've been in your shoes pal, 3 years down the drain because she fell out of love with me..... Took a long time to get over it but I don't regret a thing ...... Hardest part was finding out 2 years later from her sister that she still carried a flame for me and only left me because it wad long distance / her mother didn't approve..didn't want her with a foreigner lol......

All I can say is head to Paris , sight see, don't text her , block her number totally..... Hit the scotsman for quiznight if its on, go dancin, and smile..... Don't dwell, you will move on at some stage, its just another of lifes bumps ...

Thanks mate. We havent spoken in a month, I told her I never want to hear from her again so thats that. Not a chance im going to go to paris... it would be too hard

Johnny_BravoIII

Aaaannnnyway it continued on like this for the next 6-7 months seeing each other once or twice a week. In all this time the words gf or bf never cropped up.

Sounds like ye were both fooling each other & she finally called a stop to it.
I can understand you being upset for many reason but it's hardly for losing a girl you have fallen for completely?

Ickle Magoo

Could be she could sense you weren't into it as much as she was, could be she got fed up with the distance thing, could be she met someone else, could be the spark just died off, could be other things going on in her life...

Could be a million and one things OP; only she can tell you for sure - and really, what does knowing do for you? It doesn't give you closure, it just raises another heap of questions and more wonderment. For whatever reason she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, as you know that much - I don't think the why really matters.

All the best, OP.

_dublinlad_

Johnny_BravoIII wrote: »

Sounds like ye were both fooling each other & she finally called a stop to it.
I can understand you being upset for many reason but it's hardly for losing a girl you have fallen for completely?

I understand your point. Your right, I know this girl was not going to be the love of my life, and at the end we both agreed love never really came in to it. But it still hurts like hell..

ihsb

Did you ever tell her how you felt about her? If you love her, did you ever tell her? I am just asking because at the beginning of your relationship it seemed like you were playing catch up with her feelings. It would be frustrating for her to be always the one that liked you more, that is unless you told her.

Cork24

I would say f**k her who needs sh&t like that u get over it,, I think every one was dump at some point for no reason

TheBegotten

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

She is the most honest person I have ever met, she definately never cheated on me. She is a blunt and straight to the point person and always said the truth never hurts. She said if she could think of a reason why she broke up with me she would say but she cant anwser that herself.

As for going to paris on my own - not a chance, that would be the most depressing trip ever

You win some, you lose some. That's life for you. Go to Paris anyway, the nightlife there is meant to be amazing. See if the Irish charm won't work otherwise I have no clue. The Galway-Dublin thing might not be working? Maybe the spark was there before ye went out, but died then?

_dublinlad_

ihsb wrote: »

Did you ever tell her how you felt about her? If you love her, did you ever tell her? I am just asking because at the beginning of your relationship it seemed like you were playing catch up with her feelings. It would be frustrating for her to be always the one that liked you more, that is unless you told her.

You could be on to something with that. Love never came into from either side. But the last time I met with her I was asking her to give me a reason for the breakup, she kept saying she couldnt put her finger on it. Then when I said something else she said the word "I never knew how you felt about me" - my heart sank. I always told her how beautiful she looked and complimented her on other things but looking back I never said it. I told here right there that I was crazy about her and I thought she knew that. I then asked her if she knew that would she still have broken up with me, she said yes but not by text message. Do you think this could be a reason??

_dublinlad_

TheBegotten wrote: »

You win some, you lose some. That's life for you. Go to Paris anyway, the nightlife there is meant to be amazing. See if the Irish chair won't work otherwise I have no clue. The Galway-Dublin thing might not be working? Maybe the spark was there before ye went out, but died then?

Ive neen to Paris twice before, the nightlife isnt actually that great... thats not what you really go to Paris for. She teaches in dublin mon-friday and goes home to galway friday night so we saw eachother plenty..

_dublinlad_

Cork24 wrote: »

I would say f**k her who needs sh&t like that u get over it,, I think every one was dump at some point for no reason

Cheers buddy

ihsb

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

You could be on to something with that. Love never came into from either side. But the last time I met with her I was asking her to give me a reason for the breakup, she kept saying she couldnt put her finger on it. Then when I said something else she said the word "I never knew how you felt about me" - my heart sank. I always told her how beautiful she looked and complimented her on other things but looking back I never said it. I told here right there that I was crazy about her and I thought she knew that. I then asked her if she knew that would she still have broken up with me, she said yes but not by text message. Do you think this could be a reason??

It could be. Probably not the only reason, I don't want you to blame yourself for the breakup with no more information.

I just know that I was very close to breaking up with my OH at the beginning of our relationship. I told him that I loved him about a month before he said it. That was the longest month of my life. Just knowing that I liked him more then he liked me and that I was more invested in the relationship. It started to grate on me and made me feel like ****.

Now she hasn't said it to you so I don't know it was the reason but it took for me to start breaking up with him to finally say the words. Turns out he had been feeling them for a while but it took the shock of losing me to bring them out.

_dublinlad_

ihsb wrote: »

It could be. Probably not the only reason, I don't want you to blame yourself for the breakup with no more information.

I just know that I was very close to breaking up with my OH at the beginning of our relationship. I told him that I loved him about a month before he said it. That was the longest month of my life. Just knowing that I liked him more then he liked me and that I was more invested in the relationship. It started to grate on me and made me feel like ****.

Now she hasn't said it to you so I don't know it was the reason but it took for me to start breaking up with him to finally say the words. Turns out he had been feeling them for a while but it took the shock of losing me to bring them out.

I told her on the spot, very sad that the only time I said it to her was the last 10 minutes we spoke. I looked her in the eyes and said "I was crazy about you" then looked at the table and sighed, then back at her eyes and said "I am still crazy about you, but that means nothing now" she seemed a little lost for words, but it changed nothing of course..

ihsb

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

I told her on the spot, very sad that the only time I said it to her was the last 10 minutes we spoke. I looked her in the eyes and said "I was crazy about you" then looked at the table and sighed, then back at her eyes and said "I am still crazy about you, but that means nothing now" she seemed a little lost for words, but it changed nothing of course..

Well maybe she had gotten to the point that she had waited for you to catch up so long that she didn't feel that way about you anymore? Also after that long together, this is only a personal opinion now, no one elses, " I am crazy about you" just would not be enough for me.

I agree breaking up with you the way she did wasn't great. But maybe tell her all the things that you have told us? At this point you have nothing to loose. You don't have her anymore so you cannot loose her. If you write everything in an email. Explain how you felt about her and how you regret not telling her. This way you won't feel regret about you not doing all you could. And you are letting her know that your time together wasn't wasted.

_dublinlad_

ihsb wrote: »

Well maybe she had gotten to the point that she had waited for you to catch up so long that she didn't feel that way about you anymore? Also after that long together, this is only a personal opinion now, no one elses, " I am crazy about you" just would not be enough for me.

I agree breaking up with you the way she did wasn't great. But maybe tell her all the things that you have told us? At this point you have nothing to loose. You don't have her anymore so you cannot loose her. If you write everything in an email. Explain how you felt about her and how you regret not telling her. This way you won't feel regret about you not doing all you could. And you are letting her know that your time together wasn't wasted.

It was just under a year and a half, should you still be with someone at that stage if there is no love in the relationship? I guess I may not have said those words before that night to her because they sound like kind of a childish thing to say. I love you being the proper thing to say, but as I said we never got there.

As for the email you suggested to write. I have written probably 3000 words in an email that im not going to send to her. It contains pure honesty from start to finish about everything. Frankly I dont see the point in sending it, I know by the look in her eyes that final night that there was no fighting for her, she looked through me almost. So unless I thought there was any hope in getting back together she will never see that email..

Herrick

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

It was just under a year and a half, should you still be with someone at that stage if there is no love in the relationship?

To be honest mate, if you reach the six months mark and don't feel you will be falling in love, its time to call it a day as its not gonna happen.

ihsb

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

As for the email you suggested to write. I have written probably 3000 words in an email that im not going to send to her. It contains pure honesty from start to finish about everything. Frankly I dont see the point in sending it, I know by the look in her eyes that final night that there was no fighting for her, she looked through me almost. So unless I thought there was any hope in getting back together she will never see that email..

Well you have thought it through and it doesn't seem like you would regret it so it is nice to get it in to words, even for yourself. If you know you won't regret it then you are right to leave it. I wasn't suggesting you send it to try to win her back. Just to put your own mind at rest.

Anyway OP. It has been a pleasure! Good luck, and when you meet someone new, you will know it is right straight away! (well within 3 months anyway )

Moon Indigo

I think maybe she picked up on your indifference. I mean you said at first you just werent into it as much as she was etc then you started to feel something. I think she picked up on that and was calling a halt to it as those feelings of not really having your whole heart in it may have shifted to her. At the start she was the one doing the chasing and that can't have been unnoticed by her. It could easily be that she did cheat as that text is a bit strange but still.

Don't know seems a bit like your missing what you had but never knew how good it was till it went away. It may be too late for Paris now but as hard as it is a lesson learnt. If you really do realise you want to be with this girl I would contact her and try arrange to meet. I think then lay your cards on the table how when she went you realised how much your really do feel for her and see if she thinks it would be possible to give it another go. Best of Luck

_dublinlad_

Herrick wrote: »

To be honest mate, if you reach the six months mark and don't feel you will be falling in love, its time to call it a day as its not gonna happen.

Its all well and good saying that, but its harder to do when your having fun together at the time. I mean we are both in our mid twenties so I think its ok to have those sort of relationships at that age..?

_dublinlad_

Moon Indigo wrote: »

I think maybe she picked up on your indifference. I mean you said at first you just werent into it as much as she was etc then you started to feel something. I think she picked up on that and was calling a halt to it as those feelings of not really having your whole heart in it may have shifted to her. At the start she was the one doing the chasing and that can't have been unnoticed by her. It could easily be that she did cheat as that text is a bit strange but still.

Don't know seems a bit like your missing what you had but never knew how good it was till it went away. It may be too late for Paris now but as hard as it is a lesson learnt. If you really do realise you want to be with this girl I would contact her and try arrange to meet. I think then lay your cards on the table how when she went you realised how much your really do feel for her and see if she thinks it would be possible to give it another go. Best of Luck

One week after she sent the text we met up for the last time in a bar in town. I lay all my cards on the table and told her straight out how I felt about her. The only way I could describe it was that she looked through me. Every part of me wanted to fight for her but I could see it in her eyes that it was a complete lost cause. I could understand completely her breaking up with within the first 4 months but at this stage it just dosent make sense. She said it definately isnt another guy and I beleive her fully, she is always brutally honest. Anyway thanks for your input.

That_Guy

She broke up by text? Coward.

Go to Paris, enjoy yourself and do NOT text her/ring her, do NOT Facebook her. In fact, block her number, delete any texts from her and delete her from Facebook.

_dublinlad_

That_Guy wrote: »

She broke up by text? Coward.

Go to Paris, enjoy yourself and do NOT text her/ring her, do NOT Facebook her. In fact, block her number, delete any texts from her and delete her from Facebook.

Yea, harsh right? No cance im going to paris, think about it... it would depressing as ****.

I told her straight out that being friends was not an option and to never contact me again. Deteled her number, email address, texts, emails, tru out gifts she gave me, and deleted my fb account all together for the next few months (her fb is on public). Still, a month has gone by and I am still in bits..

Killed By Death

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Anyway after new years 2012 she started acting distant when we met up, no pda anymore and just general distant behaviour. We would normally peck on the lips before we parted but she started to pull away.

Where did she spend Christmas/New Years? Were you two in the same place?

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Anway on a saturady night in february 2012 she sends me a text at 2 in the morning saying she wants to break up and that her "heart isnt in it". I asked her for a reason and she said she honestly couldnt give me one, the feelings just stoped.

OP, I know you think she is really honest but this smacks of her having someone else. Texting at 2 in the morning on a Saturday night. Think about it, the exact time when you might be thinking about heading on home from a night out, with someone. She may just have wanted to do so with 'a clear conscience' (ie; a quick text to break up with you before the deed is done)

I know you are adament that is not the case but it's sad to see you wracking your brains trying to figure out where you went wrong and was it something you did. Also the way she looked through you and was unmoved by you telling her you were crazy about her. It doesn't add up.

I suppose at the end of the day it doesn't matter but sometimes it can bring closure to know the truth, rather than these wishy-washy excuses of the love just fizzled out.....

All the best OP.

msg11

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Yea, harsh right? No cance im going to paris, think about it... it would depressing as ****.

I told her straight out that being friends was not an option and to never contact me again. Deteled her number, email address, texts, emails, tru out gifts she gave me, and deleted my fb account all together for the next few months (her fb is on public). Still, a month has gone by and I am still in bits..

Know how you feel , I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago my head is only getting back to normal now. Still do wonder what she is doing etc.. But I can't live like this and I must/am moving on.

I actually broke up with her over text, but in saying that it was our main form of communication, although I did offer to meet up twice after to talk but she refused.

I couldn't be friends either , it would kill me to see her with someone else. I regretted it the next day breaking up (bad week). But look what's done is done. One thing I have to say is think positive.

_dublinlad_

Killed By Death wrote: »

Where did she spend Christmas/New Years? Were you two in the same place?



OP, I know you think she is really honest but this smacks of her having someone else. Texting at 2 in the morning on a Saturday night. Think about it, the exact time when you might be thinking about heading on home from a night out, with someone. She may just have wanted to do so with 'a clear conscience' (ie; a quick text to break up with you before the deed is done)

I know you are adament that is not the case but it's sad to see you wracking your brains trying to figure out where you went wrong and was it something you did. Also the way she looked through you and was unmoved by you telling her you were crazy about her. It doesn't add up.

I suppose at the end of the day it doesn't matter but sometimes it can bring closure to know the truth, rather than these wishy-washy excused of the love just fizzled out.....

All the best OP.

OK. We saw each other up to the 22nd od december, she went home to galway then. On new years I went down to Galway for the night to see her and it was great.

As long as my initial post was it left a few details out.

The night she broke up with was no normal day for her. She had just been at the funeral that day of one of her old school friends who committed suicide during the week.

She was devestated and I know for a fact she was in her parents house when she sent the text message so the cheating idea dosent cross my mind, she really is a brutaly honest person and she said there was nobodyelse so I beleive her.

Herrick

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Its all well and good saying that, but its harder to do when your having fun together at the time. I mean we are both in our mid twenties so I think its ok to have those sort of relationships at that age..?

I fully get what you mean here. Its a lot harder to think of ending it with someone when there seems to be no real problems and you are having fun together. You wonder if ending it may actually be a mistake. I know, I've been there.

But do you think she thought it was ok to have this "sort of relationship" as you put it at any age? You never told her you loved her during all this time and at the end you say all you said was "I am crazy about you"

After the most of 18 months, most guys and girls would want to hear the words I love you long before that and if they didn't it would suck the good out of everything. Who wants to be with someone that they think doesn't love them?

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

I understand your point. Your right, I know this girl was not going to be the love of my life, and at the end we both agreed love never really came in to it. But it still hurts like hell

You even said in the above she wasn't going to be the love of your life. There was no point in carrying on.

I'm sorry OP but it sounds like she done all the chasing while you muddled along, then finally realized you would never be as into her as she was you and decided to call it a day.

If you don't love them, no matter what the age, your not a couple, your just good friends.

Do you honestly think it would have been fair to stay with her if you couldn't love her? Would you have moved in with her or married her? What would happen if you stayed with her for a few years more, then suddenly you met another woman who you fell completely in love with?

What about you? Do you not think you deserve to find someone you love too? As much as it hurts now, I think its for the best you both parted. This way you are both free to find someone you really will love.

Although I am completely against her ending it via text, after all the time you had together she could have done it face to face at least.

_dublinlad_

msg11 wrote: »

Know how you feel , I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago my head is only getting back to normal now. Still do wonder what she is doing etc.. But I can't live like this and I must/am moving on.

I actually broke up with her over text, but in saying that it was our main form of communication, although I did offer to meet up twice after to talk but she refused.

I couldn't be friends either , it would kill me to see her with someone else. I regretted it the next day breaking up (bad week). But look what's done is done. One thing I have to say is think positive.

Man that is not the same at all. You broke up with her. You know the reasons and it was 100% your choice. Not to sound rude but - no, you dont know how I feel.

Killed By Death

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

OK. We saw each other up to the 22nd od december, she went home to galway then. On new years I went down to Galway for the night to see her and it was great.

As long as my initial post was it left a few details out.

The night she broke up with was no normal day for her. She had just been at the funeral that day of one of her old school friends who committed suicide during the week.

She was devestated and I know for a fact she was in her parents house when she sent the text message so the cheating idea dosent cross my mind, she really is a brutaly honest person and she said there was nobodyelse so I beleive her.

Ah right. That explains it better. Sorry things have turned out this way anyway. Take care OP.

knowit12

I was pretty much in the same situation as yourself, boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me after new years... Could kind of see it coming tho.

People generally just fall out of love and interest, at the time I was heartbroken but now I think it happened for a reason, if people are meant to be together they will.

Sounds to me the girl just lost intreast.. And the fact that yous live quite a bit away from each other is a factor...

What a bloody bitch tho... Dumping you by text

She could of went on the holiday with you and gave it shot or to see if there was anything left with yous - infact the holiday could have possibly brought yous together more.

F**k the selfish bitch - go on the holiday try get a mate or family member to go with you - have a ball and move on- easier said then done , but it gets easier and you think less -
Trust me

_dublinlad_

Herrick wrote: »

I fully get what you mean here. Its a lot harder to think of ending it with someone when there seems to be no real problems and you are having fun together. You wonder if ending it may actually be a mistake. I know, I've been there.

But do you think she thought it was ok to have this "sort of relationship" as you put it at any age? You never told her you loved her during all this time and at the end you say all you said was "I am crazy about you"

After the most of 18 months, most guys and girls would want to hear the words I love you long before that and if they didn't it would suck the good out of everything. Who wants to be with someone that they think doesn't love them?



You even said in the above she wasn't going to be the love of your life. There was no point in carrying on.

I'm sorry OP but it sounds like she done all the chasing while you muddled along, then finally realized you would never be as into her as she was you and decided to call it a day.

If you don't love them, no matter what the age, your not a couple, your just good friends.

Do you honestly think it would have been fair to stay with her if you couldn't love her? Would you have moved in with her or married her? What would happen if you stayed with her for a few years more, then suddenly you met another woman who you fell completely in love with?

What about you? Do you not think you deserve to find someone you love too? As much as it hurts now, I think its for the best you both parted. This way you are both free to find someone you really will love.

Although I am completely against her ending it via text, after all the time you had together she could have done it face to face at least.

First of all let me just say I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. It is great to hear a different perspective at a time like this.

I think all of what you said is correct, we didnt love each other. But I cant help thinking that it could have happened. One of the very last things I said to her in the bar before she left was that that -as good as the relationship was I didnt beleive it had even started yet, I mean we where just about to go away together, she hadnt met most of my friends and none of my family, I had planned other things for the summer.... things could well have gotten serious. I mean we got on very well and up untill christmas the passion between us physically was amazing.

At the end of the day I cant help but think I have let a great thing slip out of my life somehow and the fact she cant tell me why hurts like hell.

_dublinlad_

knowit12 wrote: »

I was pretty much in the same situation as yourself, boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me after new years... Could kind of see it coming tho.

People generally just fall out of love and interest, at the time I was heartbroken but now I think it happened for a reason, if people are meant to be together they will.

Sounds to me the girl just lost intreast.. And the fact that yous live quite a bit away from each other is a factor...

What a bloody bitch tho... Dumping you by text

She could of went on the holiday with you and gave it shot or to see if there was anything left with yous - infact the holiday could have possibly brought yous together more.

F**k the selfish bitch - go on the holiday try get a mate or family member to go with you - have a ball and move on- easier said then done , but it gets easier and you think less -
Trust me

I just cant handle the thought of her just loosing interest. I need more of an answer then that or else I will be thinking about this for years to come.

As far as the distance thing is concerned, there wasnt really any distance, she worked as a primary school teacher in dublin during the week so I saw her a fair bit, she only went home at the weekend.

I think thats what hurts the most, she sent me a text message in early jan saying she saw something about paris on tv and she got soo excited about going. Then a month later she breaks up with me. I guess she was just excited about going to paris and not going with me...

Herrick

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

First of all let me just say I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. It is great to hear a different perspective at a time like this.

I think all of what you said is correct, we didnt love each other. But I cant help thinking that it could have happened. One of the very last things I said to her in the bar before she left was that that -as good as the relationship was I didnt beleive it had even started yet, I mean we where just about to go away together, she hadnt met most of my friends and none of my family, I had planned other things for the summer.... things could well have gotten serious. I mean we got on very well and up untill christmas the passion between us physically was amazing.

At the end of the day I cant help but think I have let a great thing slip out of my life somehow and the fact she cant tell me why hurts like hell.

Your welcome.

You see, the fact you've said she hadn't met next to none of your friends and not a single member of your family makes me think she felt she was wasting her time. If I was seeing a girl that hadn't introduced me to at least her friends after at the latest 5/6 months I would be very concerned she wasn't serious. Even more so after a year if I hadn't met her family I would be having serious doubts and probably be thinking it wasn't going anywhere and she wasn't that bothered with me.

But she didn't meet many of your friends or any of your family after 18 months :eek: If she ended it cause she thought ye were going nowhere I can kind of see her reasoning you know? You say that you feel the relationship was only starting and things could have gotten serious... After a year and a half things should have been serious after the year mark or so, not taking 18 months to get going.

This is a longshot and forgive me, but is there any chance she may have thought you were seeing someone else or married seeing as you hadn't introduced her to any of these people? Maybe she thought you were hiding something?

I don't know you personally, perhaps somehow you may have ended up loving her in the longrun. But to 99.9% of people if after 18 months they hadn't heard those magic words or met people who are significant in your life, like friends and family, I think most would give up.

_dublinlad_

Herrick wrote: »

Your welcome.

You see, the fact you've said she hadn't met next to none of your friends and not a single member of your family makes me think she felt she was wasting her time. If I was seeing a girl that hadn't introduced me to at least her friends after at the latest 5/6 months I would be very concerned she wasn't serious. Even more so after a year if I hadn't met her family I would be having serious doubts and probably be thinking it wasn't going anywhere and she wasn't that bothered with me.

But she didn't meet many of your friends or any of your family after 18 months :eek: If she ended it cause she thought ye were going nowhere I can kind of see her reasoning you know? You say that you feel the relationship was only starting and things could have gotten serious... After a year and a half things should have been serious after the year mark or so, not taking 18 months to get going.

This is a longshot and forgive me, but is there any chance she may have thought you were seeing someone else or married seeing as you hadn't introduced her to any of these people? Maybe she thought you were hiding something?

I don't know you personally, perhaps somehow you may have ended up loving her in the longrun. But to 99.9% of people if after 18 months they hadn't heard those magic words or met people who are significant in your life, like friends and family, I think most would give up.

She had met two of my best friends, actually went on a few double dates with one of them and his gf. As far as not meeting the rest of them I dont know why, I would have loved them to have met her.. it just never happened really.

As far as meeting the parents thing. She openly said early on that she had never brought a bf home to meet her parent and dosnt plan to until she meets the man she thinks she will marry shortly, I was pretty fine with that although I though it was kinda weird.

As far as her meeting my parents she was indifferent to the idea, she said she really didnt mind either way. I was a little against it as I like to keep my business to myself a little bit when it comes to my family, but looking back now I should have just brought her home.

No, she knew there was nobody else. I very much doubt that crossed her mind for a mili-second.

I really do think that I took her for granted and didnt pull my weight with certain things, like the friends and family thing. In saying that I do think I still treated her like a princess so its not lie I wasnt a bad boyfriend.

Its a fairly big cliche to say if we got back together right now everything would be different, but that is the plain truth. It simply would be. I would commit completely and do and say all of the things I didnt do or say before and Im sure things would be great.

I know you say if things had not esculated by then they prob never would, you may be right - but people and circumstances are different, it can take time to see people in their true colours... ah I really dont know

Herrick

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

She had met two of my best friends, actually went on a few double dates with one of them and his gf. As far as not meeting the rest of them I dont know why, I would have loved them to have met her.. it just never happened really.

As far as meeting the parents thing. She openly said early on that she had never brought a bf home to meet her parent and dosnt plan to until she meets the man she thinks she will marry shortly, I was pretty fine with that although I though it was kinda weird.

As far as her meeting my parents she was indifferent to the idea, she said she really didnt mind either way. I was a little against it as I like to keep my business to myself a little bit when it comes to my family, but looking back now I should have just brought her home.

No, she knew there was nobody else. I very much doubt that crossed her mind for a mili-second.

I really do think that I took her for granted and didnt pull my weight with certain things, like the friends and family thing. In saying that I do think I still treated her like a princess so its not lie I wasnt a bad boyfriend.

Its a fairly big cliche to say if we got back together right now everything would be different, but that is the plain truth. It simply would be. I would commit completely and do and say all of the things I didnt do or say before and Im sure things would be great.

I know you say if things had not esculated by then they prob never would, you may be right - but people and circumstances are different, it can take time to see people in their true colours... ah I really dont know

Ok fair enough.

Look, its your life and your the one that will have regrets. If you really think things would be different if you tried again, then why not send her that long email or print it and post it to her which might make it seem more personal.

If she broke it off because she thought you didn't care maybe if she now sees you do things may work.

At least if she tells you either way after that, you'll know for sure and can move on knowing you tried your best to make amends.

But if you really think there will be no love I'd advise trying to move on and forget her, otherwise you'll both end up even more hurt in the long run.

Angeles

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

She had just been at the funeral that day of one of her old school friends who committed suicide during the week.

This line right here smacks a red flag of priority in her mind to me.

Sorry op but this reads to me as the poor girl made a very conscious decision to need time to herself, she must be devastated and as much as you might not like to hear it, it sounds like she didn't see your relationship as strong enough to stand by her through this.

Its a really tough decision on her behalf but losing a friend like that will have a very strong impact on her to which she made have felt a strong need to be alone or with family.

ihsb

Angeles wrote: »

This line right here smacks a red flag of priority in her mind to me.

Sorry op but this reads to me as the poor girl made a very conscious decision to need time to herself, she must be devastated and as much as you might not like to hear it, it sounds like she didn't see your relationship as strong enough to stand by her through this.

Its a really tough decision on her behalf but losing a friend like that will have a very strong impact on her to which she made have felt a strong need to be alone or with family.

And just to add to that. When someone you are close to dies (and I am assuming someone around the same age as her) you look at your life and realise how short it is. It would make you realise that you don't want to waste any of your life. So maybe not having those feelings for you or you for her, was her thinking it was a waste?

_dublinlad_

Herrick wrote: »

Ok fair enough.

Look, its your life and your the one that will have regrets. If you really think things would be different if you tried again, then why not send her that long email or print it and post it to her which might make it seem more personal.

If she broke it off because she thought you didn't care maybe if she now sees you do things may work.

At least if she tells you either way after that, you'll know for sure and can move on knowing you tried your best to make amends.

But if you really think there will be no love I'd advise trying to move on and forget her, otherwise you'll both end up even more hurt in the long run.

I may be giving contradicting statements but my mind really is all over the place, in the morning I may think to myself "**** this she has made up her mind, theres no getting her back, move on" then an hour later I start thinking about it again and may think along the lines of "if I ask to meet one more time and tell her how much she means to me and how much things will be different - then she could start to have some interest again" Its messed up but thats whats going on in my mind on a day to day basis.

Right now I think I tried all I could that last night in the bar, I told her pretty much everything, its been a month now since that day with no contact (my decision) why bother sending that email with the risk of another rejection?

Anyway, again thank you so much for your wisdom on the matter. As much as some words of advice are comforting and helpfull - I think time will be the only healer here, and im guessing I will need alot of it.

_dublinlad_

Angeles wrote: »

This line right here smacks a red flag of priority in her mind to me.

Sorry op but this reads to me as the poor girl made a very conscious decision to need time to herself, she must be devastated and as much as you might not like to hear it, it sounds like she didn't see your relationship as strong enough to stand by her through this.

Its a really tough decision on her behalf but losing a friend like that will have a very strong impact on her to which she made have felt a strong need to be alone or with family.

Personally I think this was just the straw that broke the camels back.

She said she had been thinking about ending it for a month, she texts me at 2am the night of his funeral. I had been as suportive as possible, but I certainly kept my distance, I mean it was in Galway and I was in Dublin. I rang her and we spoke about it, anything I said on the phone was wrong and she argued with me, understandably as she was very upset, but I was just trying to be supportive.

_dublinlad_

ihsb wrote: »

And just to add to that. When someone you are close to dies (and I am assuming someone around the same age as her) you look at your life and realise how short it is. It would make you realise that you don't want to waste any of your life. So maybe not having those feelings for you or you for her, was her thinking it was a waste?

That is exactly what I thought and am still thinking.

When she asked me to be friends she said that "life is too short to loose touch" and that "friends are the most valuable things in life" and that she only realised that after the funeral.

I do think that that was the major nudge for her to finally decide to do it, because as you said she may have thought after it happened that she was wasting her time with me. Its this and many other possible reasons that keep me awake at night unfortunately.

Herrick

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Personally I think this was just the straw that broke the camels back.

She said she had been thinking about ending it for a month, she texts me at 2am the night of his funeral. I had been as suportive as possible, but I certainly kept my distance, I mean it was in Galway and I was in Dublin. I rang her and we spoke about it, anything I said on the phone was wrong and she argued with me, understandably as she was very upset, but I was just trying to be supportive.

Maybe it was, for her. Can I ask why didn't you go down to support your gf of 18 months after her friend committed suicide? Could you not get off work or something?

OP that probably looked very bad to her. I don't know anyone who wouldn't drop everything in a heartbeat to be there for their OH in a time like that, unless they had a very good reason.

daisybelle2008

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

I just cant handle the thought of her just loosing interest. I need more of an answer then that or else I will be thinking about this for years to come.

OP, you have got a reason why she broke up with you. You just don't like it.

What kind of answer would you be happy with?

Just losing interest is a vary valid reason, it happens. It is why every relationship ends, one party loses interest. You can move on accept it and be happy that you will find someone more suitable. Why dig around trying to figure out why one person in 7 billion didn't feel you were their perfect match?
Or you can just sit around feeling sorry for youself, nursing your ego and being miserable. Choice is yours
Seriously just be yourself and move on, you will meet someone more compatiable.

knowit12

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

I just cant handle the thought of her just loosing interest. I need more of an answer then that or else I will be thinking about this for years to come.

As far as the distance thing is concerned, there wasnt really any distance, she worked as a primary school teacher in dublin during the week so I saw her a fair bit, she only went home at the weekend.

I think thats what hurts the most, she sent me a text message in early jan saying she saw something about paris on tv and she got soo excited about going. Then a month later she breaks up with me. I guess she was just excited about going to paris and not going with me...

Honestly mate she sounds like a complete selfish spoilt B*tch, and you seem like a decent bloke....
To be honest your prob never going to know and sometimes its best not to know...

Sitting around thinking about it is only going to make you feel worse - at the end fimding an answer is going to change anything, she split up with you end of, knowing loads of reasons why isn't going to change anything , hard but the truth..

Get on the plane to paris with a mate or even on your own, enjoy it and guarantee in a few weeks you won't give a f**k, you will be happy that she finished things someone like that isn't worth a piss

_dublinlad_

Herrick wrote: »

Maybe it was, for her. Can I ask why didn't you go down to support your gf of 18 months after her friend committed suicide? Could you not get off work or something?

OP that probably looked very bad to her. I don't know anyone who wouldn't drop everything in a heartbeat to be there for their OH in a time like that, unless they had a very good reason.

That comment really hit home I have to say.

The thought never even crossed my mind. I was in work, but I could have easily gotten it off. Maybe the fact that we argued a little on the phone when she told me, or the fact I wasnt sure how close she was to him (she said he was an old school friend she had seen a good few times since, she lives in a very small town so their all very close) I didnt know how much of an effect it had on her tbh.

Im sure she would have said no to me making the trip but looking back now it was really bad form for me not to say im coming over to you. WOW the fact that never crossed my mind makes me understand why she ended it....

_dublinlad_

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

OP, you have got a reason why she broke up with you. You just don't like it.

What kind of answer would you be happy with?

Just losing interest is a vary valid reason, it happens. It is why every relationship ends, one party loses interest. You can move on accept it and be happy that you will find someone more suitable. Why dig around trying to figure out why one person in 7 billion didn't feel you were their perfect match?
Or you can just sit around feeling sorry for youself, nursing your ego and being miserable. Choice is yours
Seriously just be yourself and move on, you will meet someone more compatiable.

I have been saying those very words to myself the past month but they are of no help. Im sure I will be fine given time, but its been a month and it still feels like someone is gutting me from the inside out.. I have dropped nearly a stone in weight and sleeping about 2 hours a night... I dont think any words can help tbh

P. Breathnach

I'm trying to get my head around this. It looks to me that one thing that has become important to OP is to find an explanation for why his GF broke things off.

OP, it looks to me as if you were enjoying a nice romance, but did not see it as leading towards long-term commitment. It might have been the same for your GF.

The Paris trip might have caused her to pause for reflection, to ask herself if this was taking the relationship to a new, more-committed level, and to ask herself if she was on for that. And maybe she thought that there simply wasn't enough in your relationship.

The loss of her friend might have further focused her mind on working out what really mattered to her. You may have failed to respond appropriately to her needs in a difficult time, and that might be why she made her final decision when she did: she might have felt let down by you.

Yes, I am guessing a bit. Feel free to consider my guesses and see if they make sense to you.

The "no reason" for breaking up might be re-classified: perhaps she did not have a reason for continuing the relationship.

LegacyUser

hi Dublin lad, i have been there in your shoes, i have posted on this before, i went through a similar thing last year, i was given no reason at all and the person was very clear on looking after herself even though she knew how much it hurt me, like your ex, she was very honest the whole time, no bull, no one else involved....The only reason i can think of was me being bipolar and drinking , not too excess but not really looking after myself the way I should have been, not being fully compliant with my illness( i work full time for years and no one is aware of it),

Now i have done CBT, doing psychotherapy as well at the moment, havent drank since October, as i said more for the meds, i wasnt giving myself a chance, I did counselling for her , she always suggested it once she heard my full story, now i believe thats why i met her, I'm not saying for one second that you should do it, or anything, just that time does help, unlike me you have a great chance, i tried to keep up contact and when i met her by chance at start of year she said she couldnt talk to me.

i dont know if she felt guilty or whatever but i didnt run after her, i let her go, i have been seeing someone and doing some scoring since i left her, and its fine , i'm working a lot more on me, being honest i think about her every day, i really miss it, but i'm the most important thing now, i used to have crap sleeping etc, think of it this way.

Shes never gonna miss you if you fall apart, and neither is any girl like her etc, get yourself strong, chat to friends, set goals etc, its corny its a cliche, but whats the alternative???do whatever it takes , give her the time apart , a day might seem like ages right now, but if shes as honest as you say she wont be doing anything, my ex wasnt with someone for 4 months after we broke up, people are consistent, when she told me she had (i asked stupidly) i was really upset, i know exactly what you mean, I have been there.....


Best of luck......Some weeks i go to therapy to talk about some of my relationships (no one at work and very few friends know) its brilliant......I would highly recommend it to anyone.....

My thinking is if i ever meet her she'll see i am doing better than i was , she was right about a lot of stuff i had to change, somethings just cant be explained, just the way it is, sooner you let go of her the better you will feel......