is this a sweet gesture or strange

cliona8969

my friend (we'll call her polly) moved in with me and 3 other girls last wknd (all around 27yrs old) we all have our personal belongings fair enough but polly showed me a notebook she kept like a treasure which contained all of the guys she has ever made out with not amounting to too many but all noted in her notebook. this is all the notebook contained. now polly is generally a lovely girl should i be freaked out or is it a romantic thing? she even had a randomer noted who she made out with years ago. thoughts please?

MrStuffins

Don't see any reason why it should be sweet OR strange tbh!

If it included all their addresses, work places and shoe sizes however.......

crystalmice

I wouldn't be worried about it at all, it is a bit odd but sounds completely harmless to me-she might have watched too many movies with heroines keeping diaries growing up, or maybe just finds it funny to look back on as the years go by! She probably only showed you as she thought it was amusing-it shouldn't bother you but if it does for some reason just dismiss it as a harmless quirk of her personality

Ickle Magoo

Do you mean her showing you the notebook or just having the notebook is sweet or strange?

TBH, for either I'd go with strange but in the grand scheme of things it's a fairly innocent kind of strange.

cliona8969

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Do you mean her showing you the notebook or just having the notebook is sweet or strange?

TBH, for either I'd go with strange but in the grand scheme of things it's a fairly innocent kind of strange.

it was more a case of me spotting her bright pink notebook and asking what it was and then she told me.i asked her why she kept a note of all of the guys and she said that its similar to somebody asking you what age you were when you lost your virginity only she was noting her kisses. i told her that it was a bit weird and she looked hurt and explained that a kiss is the most important thing to her.she said she slept with 2 guys but she didnt write them in her notebook cos she said a kiss is he most intimate thing... she said she likes to remember all of her first kisses with somebody new. i think ill just leave her to it. everybody is different i guess.

RxQueen

She seems to have watched to many chick flicks!

Still though it will teach ya a lesson in future, not to ask what something belonging to her is!

Ickle Magoo

I'm generally not a fan of chick-flicks, which one is about someone who keeps a diary listing those they've kissed again?

saa

its not hurting anyone, its not insulting even though it is a little lame its perfectly normal, just another type of keeping a journal or the great hobby of list making, some people get down about not being able to remember the names of who they kissed or slept with, more so than being obsessive I think.

Anyway not strange but maybe thats because I had a middle aged man behind me in a packed lidl tell me while getting my wallet out of my backpack that i can do that later and then pulled my bag down then grinded into me, had to move away he was standing so close
now that was strange!

Kimia

cliona8969 wrote: »

my friend (we'll call her polly) moved in with me and 3 other girls last wknd (all around 27yrs old) we all have our personal belongings fair enough but polly showed me a notebook she kept like a treasure which contained all of the guys she has ever made out with not amounting to too many but all noted in her notebook. this is all the notebook contained. now polly is generally a lovely girl should i be freaked out or is it a romantic thing? she even had a randomer noted who she made out with years ago. thoughts please?

Seriously OP, why in the world do you even think it's your business to be freaked out? You sound incredibly judgemental to be honest. Who cares if she wants to note all her romantic liaisons - who are you to decide if it's a sweet gesture or not? And to start a thread about it? I think that's weirder!

cliona8969

i had a chat with her last night and told her she's clearly been watching too many chick flicks and that she needs to grow up and throw it away. its ok if she treasures her past guys but having it written down isnt going to change anything. she got all defensive and told me to mind my own business and leave her alone. i asked her would she ever get rid of the notebook and she said never. i just never came across this before. she seemed so proud of it and couldnt understand how anyone could find it weird. she also said if i have such issues with it i must be jealous. how could i be jealous though i could make one if i wanted! maybe i am too judgemental apologies

poisonated

cliona8969 wrote: »

i had a chat with her last night and told her she's clearly been watching too many chick flicks and that she needs to grow up and throw it away. its ok if she treasures her past guys but having it written down isnt going to change anything. she got all defensive and told me to mind my own business and leave her alone. i asked her would she ever get rid of the notebook and she said never. i just never came across this before. she seemed so proud of it and couldnt understand how anyone could find it weird. she also said if i have such issues with it i must be jealous. how could i be jealous though i could make one if i wanted! maybe i am too judgemental apologies

Yeah I think you are being judgemental tbh. Each to their own.

iguana

cliona8969 wrote: »

i had a chat with her last night and told her she's clearly been watching too many chick flicks and that she needs to grow up and throw it away. its ok if she treasures her past guys but having it written down isnt going to change anything. she got all defensive and told me to mind my own business and leave her alone. i asked her would she ever get rid of the notebook and she said never. i just never came across this before. she seemed so proud of it and couldnt understand how anyone could find it weird. she also said if i have such issues with it i must be jealous. how could i be jealous though i could make one if i wanted! maybe i am too judgemental apologies

I agreed with Kimia's suggestion that you were being too judgemental before reading this post but that has really, really hammered it home. What makes you think that it is any of your business? It's not, not at all and you were way out of line in the way you spoke to her. 'Polly's' notebook is a harmless foible and most people have a foible or two, tbh I think starting this thread about something so minor quite a bit stranger than her notebook. You however were extremely rude to her about something that is none of your business, which is not so harmless at all.

Way to create disharmony and unwelcome in a new houseshare situation. I suggest you apologise to 'Polly' as soon as you see her again and never mention her notebook again.

cliona8969

cliona8969 wrote: »

i had a chat with her last night and told her she's clearly been watching too many chick flicks and that she needs to grow up and throw it away. its ok if she treasures her past guys but having it written down isnt going to change anything. she got all defensive and told me to mind my own business and leave her alone. i asked her would she ever get rid of the notebook and she said never. i just never came across this before. she seemed so proud of it and couldnt understand how anyone could find it weird. she also said if i have such issues with it i must be jealous. how could i be jealous though i could make one if i wanted! maybe i am too judgemental apologies

good christ get over yourself

you never came across it before so you've decided that makes you the boss of what she is allowed to do
just because she wanted to confide in you

you ought to apologise to her and never mention it again

LittleBook

cliona8969 wrote: »

i had a chat with her last night and told her she's clearly been watching too many chick flicks and that she needs to grow up and throw it away. its ok if she treasures her past guys but having it written down isnt going to change anything. she got all defensive and told me to mind my own business and leave her alone. i asked her would she ever get rid of the notebook and she said never. i just never came across this before. she seemed so proud of it and couldnt understand how anyone could find it weird. she also said if i have such issues with it i must be jealous. how could i be jealous though i could make one if i wanted! maybe i am too judgemental apologies

:eek:

She's right, what on earth makes you think you have the right to tell her to grow up and throw away the book. Leave her alone.

Ickle Magoo

cliona8969 wrote: »

i had a chat with her last night and told her she's clearly been watching too many chick flicks and that she needs to grow up and throw it away. its ok if she treasures her past guys but having it written down isnt going to change anything.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

While I'd think to myself it were a bit childish/odd if I were shown something like that - I think you have to take a HUGE step back and accept that you are in no way the odd/childish police and regardless of how you view it, you have absolutely no right to tell other people what they should or should not be doing - especially when it comes to something as harmless as what she chooses to write/keep in her personal diary.

I also think you owe her an apology - if she's forgiven you for lecturing her - and I hope for your sake she doesn't see this and put 2 and 2 together or you may well be minus a friend.

Hail 2 Da Thief

cliona8969 wrote: »

i had a chat with her last night and told her she's clearly been watching too many chick flicks and that she needs to grow up and throw it away.

You sound like a busybody housemate from hell tbh!

Caraville

cliona8969 wrote: »

i had a chat with her last night and told her she's clearly been watching too many chick flicks and that she needs Yo grow up and throw it away. its ok if she treasures her past guys but having it written down isnt going to change anything. she got all defensive and told me to mind my own business and leave her alone. i asked her would she ever get rid of the notebook and she said never. i just never came across this before. she seemed so proud of it and couldnt understand how anyone could find it weird. she also said if i have such issues with it i must be jealous. how could i be jealous though i could make one if i wanted! maybe i am too judgemental apologies

You did what?! Seriously, what the hell does it matter to you whether she keeps a list or not? I actually didn't think you were being judgemental at first, I just thought it was odd that you were even bothered enough by it to post about it. But now I'm just aghast, because it turns out you weren't just confused, you're actually adamant that she should get rid of it, as if it impacts on your living arrangements or even friendship somehow! I mean, so what if she keeps the notebook? Sure, it's a little bit unusual, but how us it affecting you? God, I just feel sorry for the girl now.

cliona8969

Here now most of you agreed the notebook keeping is weird and now suddenly i'm judgemental??

I know it's not up to me but I told her what I felt. She says it's TOTALLY normal and that i'm weird for thinking it's not???

I'm only caring for her as people may judge her and she's actualy got a very good heart. she told me her ex boyfriend found it cute, yeah right!!!

anyway im not gonna give it any more thought- it just worried me how IMPORTANT the notebook was to her. she wouldn't even let me hold it for too long and she kept it preciously in her drawer.

MagicMarker

cliona8969 wrote: »

Here now most of you agreed the notebook keeping is weird and now suddenly i'm judgemental??

I know it's not up to me but I told her what I felt. She says it's TOTALLY normal and that i'm weird for thinking it's not???

I'm only caring for her as people may judge her and she's actualy got a very good heart. she told me her ex boyfriend found it cute, yeah right!!!

anyway im not gonna give it any more thought- it just worried me how IMPORTANT the notebook was to her. she wouldn't even let me hold it for too long and she kept it preciously in her drawer.

It doesn't matter what you feel or think, it's not your place to tell her what to do. It doesn't matter if others think it's a little weird, she's not harming anyone! I think people who wear fake tan are weird, doesn't mean I think I should tell them not to do it anymore.

I think you owe her an apology tbh.

bigbudda

Repost*

bigbudda

Gosh.....who are you to judge what is "weird" or normal?! this notebook is obv a private thing that she enjoys keeping, and if her ex thought that was cute, I wouldn't think. " yeah right" ....id think he prob knew her v well, and that it means something.

Op, maybe focus more on whats going on with you....rather than what supposedly "weird" things others are doing!!! Sure, if we all didnt have mad little quirks the world would be very dull!

Oh....and judging from the replys here, I doubt anyone wud judge here or think her strange!!

Eve_Dublin

I'm absolutely stunned! :eek:

27 years old...my god.

You owe your poor friend an apology for belittling her like that.

silvervixen84

cliona8969 wrote: »

Here now most of you agreed the notebook keeping is weird and now suddenly i'm judgemental??

I know it's not up to me but I told her what I felt. She says it's TOTALLY normal and that i'm weird for thinking it's not???

I'm only caring for her as people may judge her and she's actualy got a very good heart. she told me her ex boyfriend found it cute, yeah right!!!

anyway im not gonna give it any more thought- it just worried me how IMPORTANT the notebook was to her. she wouldn't even let me hold it for too long and she kept it preciously in her drawer.

She showed it to you (probably in confidence) because you're her friend. You reacted badly and called it/her weird so I'm not surprised she's being protective of it now. You've already told total strangers on the internet about it, maybe now she's scared that you you'll tell her friends about it and its contents.

I think it's best to clear the air with her as soon as possible before it erupts into something that destroys your friendship.

Anyway, there are much weirder things she could be keeping in her drawer than a notebook, and it's not for you to worry about.

Caraville

cliona8969 wrote: »

Here now most of you agreed the notebook keeping is weird and now suddenly i'm judgemental??

I know it's not up to me but I told her what I felt. She says it's TOTALLY normal and that i'm weird for thinking it's not???

I'm only caring for her as people may judge her and she's actualy got a very good heart. she told me her ex boyfriend found it cute, yeah right!!!

anyway im not gonna give it any more thought- it just worried me how IMPORTANT the notebook was to her. she wouldn't even let me hold it for too long and she kept it preciously in her drawer.

There's a big difference between finding the notebook she keeps weird and telling her that she has to throw it out. My friends do lots of weird things (some of which I mightn't necessarily agree with) but they're my friends so I just accept them for it. They're not harming anyone, and nor is this girl- so who are you to tell her she shouldn't have that notebook??

I do understand that you are concerned that the notebook might be some sort of crutch or comforter to her, but again, that's up to her to decide, not you.

beks101

I don't see what the problem is, I'm sure having a gander through it gives her something to smile about on occasion

I wish I had done the same actually, might help me to remember a few more of the drunken hook-ups I've had!

Raminahobbin

cliona8969 wrote: »

Here now most of you agreed the notebook keeping is weird and now suddenly i'm judgemental??

There's a huge difference between thinking something and saying it. Every single person does something that someone else is going to find weird at some point, and it is perfectly okay for you to think the notebook is weird. BUT it is a completely harmless small tiny insignificant thing, and you were way out of order to bring it up in what seems to have been some sort of mini 'intervention'! :eek:

It is absolutely not any of your business what she does with that notebook, and I actually can't believe you went and scolded her for it! Wow. Just, wow.

iguana

cliona8969 wrote: »

Here now most of you agreed the notebook keeping is weird

Nobody did any such thing. At the start of this thread two people said it was a little strange but ultimately harmless, two people didn't think it was strange at all, one person said she watches too many chick flicks but advised you to mind you own business and one person said you were being judgemental.


None of that was some sort of license to attempt to bully your housemate into conforming to your standards of normal.

dearg lady

I have a friend who does the same. I never found it weird tbh, and I've never seen it in any girly films! At the end of the day it's HER BUSINESS. Anyway, I'd just be repeating what others have said, but I too think you owe her an apology

ElleEm

I had a friend that used to keep a list of all the lads she had sex with and how many times. I thought it was strange but I kept a diary til my mid 20's and some people may think that is strange.

The way you spoke to her wasn't on. You belittled something that is obviously precious to her and you should apologise.

tinkerbell

Good god OP, you were COMPLETELY out of line and your friend deserves a massive apology from you.

What business is it of yours if she keeps a notebook of guys she has kissed? You are acting like a crazy busybody, she's not the one being weird (the notebook is completely harmless), you on the other hand are being weird the way you are treating her because of this notebook.

Piste

Seems loveably odd

lir6777

It sounds like a private thing, like a diary, so she must trust you a lot to have shown you. Hopefully she won't be too embarrassed to show any other friends in the future because of your response.
I say each to their own, maybe she's insecure and keeping a list of her kisses gives her some tangible reassurance in herself. Maybe she's afraid that in 20 years she won't remember the guys' names or how old she was when she met them (be honest- don't a lot of us wish we could remember more details of our early trysts when we stroll down memory lane?!)
Either way she's not hurting anyone, she's documenting her own life like so many people do with photo albums, keepsakes from great nights out etc. I would be horrified and humiliated if I showed something private to a friend and they told me it wasn't normal and to get rid. I think a gesture like cooking her a dinner and explaining that you just hadn't heard of anything like this before but that you respect her would be nice.

Aswerty

I'd agree that what she is doing is strange (i.e. not the norm) but I'd see this as a positive. I thought the following describes it quite well.

Seems loveably odd

Shocking behavior with regards to the OP.