A true story about me. (Memories)

Rubecula

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

"Electric windows"........"no power"!!

shup you lol lol
:pac:

Jellybaby1

Can't stop :D:D:D!!

Rubecula

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Can't stop :D:D:D!!

maybe if I delete the thread folks will stop picking n me?


naah I could never do that.

New Home

You can delete the thread, but erasing our memories might prove more challenging.

Rubecula

anyway a while ago I had social services put in some aids to help me, one of which was an alarm in case I fell over I wear a thing around my neck I can press to summon help. (I originally had it on my wrist but it kept catching on things) anyway I first used it accidentally when I fell over and luckily landed on thecouch. I laughed at my own clumsiness...… then I heard a voice asking me if I was ok I I nearly had a heart attack. I never realised that I had pressed the button by landing on it.

then the other day I tripped over my own feet and face planted the carpet and this time it really hurt. I had put out my hand to save myself but I had only folded my fingers backwards against the floor …. ouchie. I hugged my poor hand to my chest as I lay there on the floor.


the womans voice came clearly to me again, "are you alright?" damn it do they have cameras fitted? no I had inadvertently set of the alarm when I hugged my hand. my big mistake was telling the old battleaxe that I was sore. "I will phone your friend to call and check on you shall I"? "no I will be alright and he has had an accident anyway he is in pain with a bad leg" just a minute and I will phone him he did give his consent you know?" "yes but the Accident...." the phone was dead.


about three mins later it went again " I have telephoned your friend he will be there shortly just lay still till he arrives. " "I just told you not to call him because of his injuries." " he gave his consent months ago." "he had an accident a day ago." "oh". I struggled to the front door and opened it jst as my friend pulled up in his car. we chatted a bit and away he went. I deliberately pressed the call button and told them I was fine but my friend had now to go to hospital. I thanked them sarcastically and I have avoided wearing the buzzer since. My friend is ok by the way and I am fine too. but the woman is going to feel the back of my tongue soon.

New Home

Rubecula wrote: »

but the woman is going to feel the back of my tongue soon.

French kissing??? :eek: Isn't that a tad... forward, let's say, Rube? :pac:


(Sorry, I tried, but I really couldn't resist)

Rubecula

New Home wrote: »

French kissing??? :eek: Isn't that a tad... forward, let's say, Rube? :pac:


(Sorry, I tried, but I really couldn't resist)

don't be so crass you fool I have never met her, she may be only half my age for heavens sake, on the other hand though keep it up, she be only half my age after all.

Alice1

Rube, don't stop wearing the buzzer - please

Jellybaby1

Yes Rube, put the buzzer back on please. They don't give these things out without good reason. Be safe meouldpal.

Rubecula

I will be wearing it tomorrow folks after all they would have nothing to do without my little mishaps would they?

New Home

If you don't want to do it for your own good, do it for us - we need more of your funny anecdotes, and that's as good a source as any. :pac:

(Seriously, though, be sensible!)

EDIT: Exactly! Besides, getting you a new motorbike or a new car would be too expensive.

Jellybaby1

Rubecula wrote: »

I will be wearing it tomorrow folks after all they would have nothing to do without my little mishaps would they?

They probably look forward to them to brighten up an otherwise boring day! (Not!)

Rubecula

New Home wrote: »

If you don't want to do it for your own good, do it for us - we need more of your funny anecdotes, and that's as good a source as any. :pac:

(Seriously, though, be sensible!)

EDIT: Exactly! Besides, getting you a new motorbike or a new car would be too expensive.

If I was sensible Newy, you wouldn't have these little anecdotes to snicker at.:D But I don't want to hurt myself so do not worry I will be wearing the thing from tomorrow onwards at least around my home, it would be a bit pointless to use the thing outside it's range.

Jellybaby1

Does it emit a noise if you leave the area? Admit it, its an ankle monitor!

Rubecula

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Does it emit a noise if you leave the area? Admit it, its an ankle monitor!

indeed it is I was caught by the fuzz, in fact the fashion police wanted to get me for wearing the buzzer around my wrist lol

Graces7

I had one of those once, years ago. The cats kept setting it off but the keyholder knew that so we made an arrangement and I ditched it.

But yes, keep it on.... please .. and thank you for the smiles..

Rubecula

I only take it off for a shower or bed now. xx not that I have many showers in bed.

Jellybaby1

Rubecula wrote: »

I only take it off for a shower or bed now. xx not that I have many showers in bed.

Thank you for showering....I mean, sharing!

Rubecula

as you may be aware I have recently been away on holiday I will let you know what went wrong when I find my glasses, ok?

Jellybaby1

Rubecula wrote: »

as you may be aware I have recently been away on holiday I will let you know what went wrong when I find my glasses, ok?

Kettle's on folks, settle down now.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Rubecula wrote: »

as you may be aware I have recently been away on holiday I will let you know what went wrong when I find my glasses, ok?

Can we have an announcement regarding the release date, so we can clear our diaries for a few hours? Two days notice would be my preference.

Jellybaby1

Eddie Young Videodisc wrote: »

Can we have an announcement regarding the release date, so we can clear our diaries for a few hours? Two days notice would be my preference.

Actually, I'm getting a tad nervous, it might be really, really bad.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Actually, I'm getting a tad nervous, it might be really, really bad.

It's always bad. But a good bad? He has obviously survived - perhaps sans his glasses but he's still kicking.

Ted_YNWA

Rubes' Anthem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj3-icKRU1g

Rubecula

after I clear my throat again I will attempt to restart the saga of my holiday. Saga of my holiday not Saga Holiday you may notice.

I had reached the conclusion, after careful thought that a few trinkets was not really enough of a present for my girlfriend's 60th birthday, maybe next year or perhaps the next few years but not for her 60th, and as she had never flown at all...… well it made sense to me to buy her a holiday where we could fly from our local airport. (Liverpool) and that is what I did I paid for us to have a holiday on the Isle of Man. only a short flight in case she didn't like flying, halfway between Ireland and UK. I think I have said previously that Colette has a similar family history to my own?


Anyway, we had a flight at 06:30 on the morning travel, but I had not been able to print out the passes for boarding the flight. Therefore, I had travelled to the airport a week earlier to get them, they had refused and told me I had to go to the airport the same day as the flight. I had to get there early and I arrived at the airport with Colette the evening before we were to fly out.

As it happened I need not have bothered as they took one look at Colette's ID and refused to give us our boarding passes. We needed another photo ID for her. Sadly we could not get the ID sorted until 09:00 When we should have been snoring in the hotel. I nearly lost my temper wuth the airline.

I went to get the ID sorted with Colette in fact we went all over the city before Colette got sorted. and when we got back to the airport I had to buy another flight for us ...... it was already becoming a tad expensive. the good news was Colette enjoyed the flight and she was able to look down on the clouds, the coastline and of course the island as we landed. So I was reasonably happy to pay out the money as she is worth it.

We were lucky with the hotel though, it was friendly and clean and the staff were great (Colette even made good friends with a few of them and they have kept in touch)

However, I wanted a pint of Guinness and the best place was a pub I knew but could not remember it's name. I persuaded She who must be obeyed to come with me with the promise of a good meal. Away we went, it was a walk and a half, me with poor feet and a walking stick and Colette with a bad knee and hanging on to my arm. She hung onto my arm so tightly that I suddenly found myself swung around into a lamp post and unable to stand up straight for about 5 minutes!!! She found this to be hysterically funny I found it funny too and my back went into a spasm. Ouchie.

Eventually we found the pub It was a dive really but I like it because of it's traditional feel, the good food and the lovely pint of the dark stuff. It is called the Queens if you need to know it. We had walked the full length of the front of Douglas, so I got a taxi back as I couldn't walk back that far. (Did I say earlier it was becoming expensive?)

One day we went shopping, Colette wanted to go in a shop while I wanted to go in another so we split up and went our separate ways for a while. We were due to meet up later. Somehow, (You guessed it) we missed each other. so I went for a walk to find her' on the way I saw at the other end of the shopping area a Turkish barber shop. Now I have never had a trip to a Turkish barber shop before so I went inside and asked for the works, ( I needed to use sign language for this as the lad had very poor English, better than my Turkish but some basic ideas seemed to pass him by.)

I was sitting in the chair with my head under a hot sprayer, gasping to catch my breath, when I happened to look up into the mirror and looked outside the shop in reflection, I saw Colette walk past the shop. I hoped she appreciated what I was going through in there, so I mentioned to the lad, my girlfriend had just gone past. He said "HUH?"

"My girlfriend has just gone past the shop."

"Huh?" And shrugged his shoulders.

OK thinks I What can I say next?

"My wife has just gone past the shop do you think she will like ……" which was as far as I got before he had vanished. The next thing I saw was his reflection in the mirror running up the road after Colette.

Colette told me later what happened next. "He came up the road after me with his arms waving like a gibbon, he was shouting Lady lady I have a shop and I have husband for you."

I was unaware of this of course as I was still in the chair slowly melting. Colette was by this time starting to panic saying I don't want a husband thank you. I have one she told him to try and get rid of what she thought was a terrorist kidnap attempt. " No, no, Lady your husband is in my shop look." She immediately thought to herself apparently. "I Bet that is Softlad in there" so she popped back down to look in through the window. and yes it was me. I gave her a wave and tried to say something but the barber had already grabbed the hot towels and wrapped them round my face, then as he set fire to my hair she had to walk away with holding in her laughter.

I must be honest here and say I laughed too until I thought about what would have happened if he had chased the wrong lady.

Another day I had a meal with a cheeseboard dessert, it was roasted goat's cheese and it tasted really lush. Sadly it had a disaster of an effect on my digestive system, in the middle of the night Colette had to get up and open the window before she was gassed. I just slept through the lot, but now i am nicknamed the smelly old goat.

Then came the trip home, it was not good, not good at all. Again we were the first to go through with our bags but there was a woman there on the desk who was apparently kicked out of the gestapo for cruelty. she was into everything. confiscated my toothpaste and wanted to confiscate my medication too. Luckily for her , her boss told her to put it all back, except she refused to give me back my toothpaste and threw it in the bin to see what my reaction would be. Although angry I let it go over my head. Then she started on Colette and she took away her birthday present of honey I had bought her. I was about to get physically explaining not to do that when the bloke who was going through my dirty socks said he could get it back for us, sadly he had to rush around with Colette to get it sorted. Meanwhile they ushered me towards the aircraft. When I saw Colette was not coming I stopped dead and refused to go any further until she was with me. The lad appeared just then bring Colette with him and explaining they had to go through security again and this time the honey was taken and binned by the psychobitch and there was nobody there to stop her. And I was not there to remonstrate with her.


Jaysus this holiday really did get to be expensive

Alice1

Oh I'm loving your man running after Colette saying he had a husband for her!

Rubecula

Alice1 wrote: »

Oh I'm loving your man running after Colette saying he had a husband for her!

has me laughing even now to be honest. she could have been smuggled away to a Turkish harem and I could have been stuck with all my hair burned off and kidnapped to be a sex toy for a lady with Alzheimer's who thought I was her husband.

New Home

I roared with laughter when I got to the "kicked out from the Gestapo for cruelty" bit.

Jellybaby1

Rube......you have HAIR? Who knew?

looksee

(Colette even made good friends with a few of them and they have kept in touch)

You are only just back for heavens sake!