Why do people want to get married?

BraziliaNZ

I don't really get it. The last place I worked at all of the girls around my age all got engaged in the last few years and then married. I had to listen to months and months of talk about table naming and flowers and other such nonsense. It was as if it was the pinnacle of their existence, this one day of awkward speeches and uncomfortable clothing. How can it be such a special day when it's a carbon copy of the last one you went to and people don't really want to be there?
I've always been cynical about it, not just the occasion itself but also in this day and age is it really necessary? Men don't need to "own" women as such anymore, and it seems half of marriages either end in a split or they live together in a mundane boring state.
Should I end up in a long term relationship where both of us are happy some day, I wouldn't see the point in having this day out and spending all that money. Can we please stop this extravagant nonsense?

AnonoBoy

They all do it to piss you off.

ThinkAboutIt

Because theyre not ugly like you.

Mr Benevolent

It's a good idea for more stability and cohesion in a relationship. The setting of the marriage ceremony is the least important part. Plus it's useful for tax and stuff.

Jaxxy

Each to their own.

ballsymchugh

they become satisfied with sex every once in a blue moon!

kryogen

Tax and residency visas

Kiera

I like the idea of being married but the whole big day out really puts me off. I’d be quite happy to feck off somewhere with only himself and I.

In saying that, getting married isnt on my "to do" list. If it happens it happens.

Mr Benevolent

I'm going to insist on spending €5000 MAX on the whole thing. No church wedding and hotel reception. What a rip to spend the day being bored.

BraziliaNZ

kryogen wrote: »

Tax and residency visas

I actually did it for a residency visa once when I were a lad, but it was a shotgun type thing!

kfallon

Can't be arsed with weddings tbh, find them pretty boring on the whole.

Would hate my own Wedding day even more as I like to just stay in the background and hate any attention being focussed on me! Anyway nobody is fooking stupid enough to want to marry me so it's not something I'd have to worry about. However 'Wedding' and 'Baby' talk in work really do my head in, I couldn't give a fook so stop talking about it when I'm around please!

because they can't do a basic search in AH for existing threads :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

lastlaugh

It cements a relationship.

barbiegirl

Are you confusing the wedding with the marriage?? The wedding is a day, and it can be big or small depending on your likes and dislikes.
The important part is the marriage. By getting married you are declaring to the world, that you are a couple who will support and love one another for life. It's weird, we were never that pushed on getting married, then decided we would. The feeling of security and love is huge. It is not easy, there are no easy get our clauses, it takes work and committment but IF you have married for the right reasons, hopefully it will be worth it.:D

theg81der

Well your not talking about marriage your talking about the wedding day more so and I don`t get that either which is why we didn`t do it. We had a nice quiet day where we committed ourselves to each other in a way that we will never do with anyone else. Its a special thing that just ours and its given us both a lot of confidence, happiness and security.

stovelid

That strange indefinable vapour of a notion known as their own free will.

Kiera

lastlaugh wrote: »

It cements a relationship.

And divorce cements the end :P

BraziliaNZ

barbiegirl wrote: »

By getting married you are declaring to the world, that you are a couple who will support and love one another for life.

Even thought that's utter nonsense in a lot of married couples (formerly married should I say) I've encountered, why do you think this is something people would need to do?

bordsie

For the guy probably cause they're already in a long term relationship, so its at least one more night that doesn't involve sneaking out to the car for a sneaking Tom Tank.

minidazzler

I've always been against the idea, there is only one person I know that I would marry, and that's because to be with them I'd have to given she is American. That said, it's not gonna work being too young and all that.

If I were to marry, it would be a small low key ceremony, and then a huge party with an open bar. I wouldn't have a church, wouldn't have a dinner (finger food only), but I would have about 7 grand worth of beer, wine, spirits and soft drinks. And noone would be allowed to leave until it was gone. I'd rent a marquee and hire 3/4 servers for the day.

My reasoning;
Noone like sitting in a church for ages while 2 people indulge themselves and think everyone cares.
The Dinner always sucks at weddings, it's glorified fast food made on an assembly line.
If people are given free drink, they will have a merrytime and really enjoy themselves without any of the crap parts. There would be no load of tables to sit in when 20 people give speeches, the speeches would be limited to 3 minutes max before the Oscar music starts to play.

In essence, it would be a celebration of love and bringing family and friends together, it would NOT be a self indulgent affair designed to pay for itself by asking for "cash gifts only"

BraziliaNZ

stovelid wrote: »

That strange indefinable vapour of a notion known as their own free will.

Yes people can get married by their own free will of cousre - I'm just wondering why some people feel so driven towards it?

Freddie59

Because it's their own business. That question is up there with 'why are people gay' and 'why is the sky blue'.

lastlaugh

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Even thought that's utter nonsense in a lot of married couples (formerly married should I say) I've encountered, why do you think this is something people would need to do?

It's a good start to having a family with a person you have made a commitent with.

dearg lady

Jaxxy wrote: »

Each to their own.

+1 it really is that simple.

However, I can understand someone gettin fed up of having to constantly listen to a future bride talk about nothing except the wedding. Sure, I'll listen, and you're excited and what not, but know where to draw the line!

Kiera wrote: »

I like the idea of being married but the whole big day out really puts me off. I’d be quite happy to feck off somewhere with only himself and I.

In saying that, getting married isnt on my "to do" list. If it happens it happens.

ha, you've pretty much summed up my opinion on marriage too
the big day is the most off putting bit for me. I used think if I ever did get married I'd like to elope, but now I think maybe something very very small, just dinner for family and close friends and a night in the pub, chatting

BraziliaNZ

lastlaugh wrote: »

It's a good start to having a family with a person you have made a commitent with.

Why not just say - "I'm happy with you and do not want our relationship to ever end"

BraziliaNZ

Freddie59 wrote: »

Because it's their own business. That question is up there with 'why are people gay' and 'why is the sky blue'.

No, people are born gay. The sky is blue because of physics. Those questions can be answered with very logical explanations.

Kiera

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

No, people are born gay. The sky is blue because of physics. Those questions can be answered with very logical explanations.

You were married before, werent you?

barbiegirl

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Even thought that's utter nonsense in a lot of married couples (formerly married should I say) I've encountered, why do you think this is something people would need to do?

Because they want to. It is saying I love this person enough to want to be their partner forever and I am not afraid to show it.
I have many seperated friends, and without exception, they did not marry for the right reasons. It was not because they loved one another and could not envision ever wanting it to end. The reasons were, they got caught up in the wedding and romance thing, there were previous children/pregnancy involved, they felt it was the right time and that person would do, they wanted kids and that person would do.
I also know couples together years who did not marry and are very, very happy. Each to their own.
Marriage is a very serious committment, emotionally and legally. It should only be entered into 100% by both parties.
Again don't get the day and the life mixed up.

BraziliaNZ

Kiera wrote: »

You were married before, werent you?

For visa purposes

foxyboxer

Because they're living in Sin and really don't want to go to Hell.

the groutch

for the presents

Kiera

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

For visa purposes

Aaaah. So you wouldnt run away and do it for real?

lastlaugh

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Why not just say - "I'm happy with you and do not want our relationship to ever end"

That's pretty much what it is though, isn't it?

The whole ceremony, whether it is religious or not, is just a formal way of declaring this, in the eyes of God or the State or in front of your friends & family.

When you die, do you want to just be dropped into the ground and that's that?

Or would you rather a ceremony of some sort, or at least a gathering of people dear to you when you were alive?

yeppydeppy

I don't understand it either, why two people can't commit to each other without a big cermony or worse still a chruch cermony! What has any religion got to do with peoples relationships?

BraziliaNZ

Kiera wrote: »

Aaaah. So you wouldnt run away and do it for real?

I wouldn't, it's one of my few principles. 2 of my closest friends back home loved their girlfriends etc but only got married because they were under pressure to propose and getting constant hints. In both cases it started with "Ah it'll only be a small thing with immediate family and friends, no priests etc", when in the end they were both in massive churches with priests to keep grannies happy and huge lavish 20k parties afterwards. Eek!

candy-gal1

lastlaugh wrote: »

That's pretty much what it is though, isn't it?

The whole ceremony, whether it is religious or not, is just a formal way of declaring this, in the eyes of God or the State or in front of your friends & family.

When you die, do you want to just be dropped into the ground and that's that?

Or would you rather a ceremony of some sort, or at least a gathering of people dear to you when you were alive?

kind of sounds like your saying marriage and death are the same thing :eek:

i dont understand the whole wanting to get married thing either,
serious and committed relationship, yes maybe down the line but thats it, whats a ceremony going to achieve that you dont/should already have tbh, love, happiness and commitment.
weddings/marraige just seems to be the legal thing people do just in case, or just a everyone else does it kind of thing,guilt or boredom.
or both parties could just be really scared the other one is going to cheat/leave so marraige makes it harder to do so.

who knows why people do it tbh, maybe il change my mind down the line, but for now i dont think so.

minidazzler

lastlaugh wrote: »

That's pretty much what it is though, isn't it?

The whole ceremony, whether it is religious or not, is just a formal way of declaring this, in the eyes of the God or the State or in front of your friends & family.

When you die, do you want to just be dropped into the ground and that's that?

Or would you rather a ceremony of some sort, or at least a gathering of people dear to you when you were alive?

But why would someone choose to go through the legal process? "I love you so much lets get some paper to make this shizzle real?"

I'd actually love to have a declaration party more than a wedding, where people think it's like a wedding but then you just don't get married, you just tell everyone how much you love the person and continue with the party, none of that crap involving space aliens and laws.

BraziliaNZ

lastlaugh wrote: »

When you die, do you want to just be dropped into the ground and that's that?

Ideally I'd be thrown out on a mountain naked and eaten by birds, like what they do in Nepal.
But no I really don't give a sh*t what happens when I die, graveyards are a waste of space. I really loved my dog when I was a kid but no one knows what happened to her body after she was put down. Does it matter?

minidazzler

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Ideally I'd be thrown out on a mountain naked and eaten by birds, like what they do in Nepal.
But no I really don't give a sh*t what happens when I die, graveyards are a waste of space. I really loved my dog when I was a kid but no one knows what happened to her body after she was put down. Does it matter?

Your local chinese knows

jimmycrackcorm

As the old saying goes:

For a man the price of sex is marriage.
For a woman the price of marriage is sex.

lastlaugh

minidazzler wrote: »

But why would someone choose to go through the legal process? "I love you so much lets get some paper to make this shizzle real?"

I suppose it formalizes the whole union in the eyes of the Law, I don't really know, Tax, Inheritance and other stuff.

minidazzler wrote: »

I'd actually love to have a declaration party more than a wedding, where people think it's like a wedding but then you just don't get married, you just tell everyone how much you love the person and continue with the party, none of that crap involving space aliens and laws.

A declaratin party seems a bit wishy-washy though and not really binding in any way. No disrespect intended!

Kiera

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I wouldn't, it's one of my few principles. 2 of my closest friends back home loved their girlfriends etc but only got married because they were under pressure to propose and getting constant hints. In both cases it started with "Ah it'll only be a small thing with immediate family and friends, no priests etc", when in the end they were both in massive churches with priests to keep grannies happy and huge lavish 20k parties afterwards. Eek!

So its the big day out you dont like the idea of? Or is it the fact that the promise you make for life is on a piece of paper?

kfallon

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

For visa purposes

At least it would have kept the 'vows' part short n' sweet!

"Do you Brazilian NZ take this person.....for Visa Purposes"

"I do"

:P

BraziliaNZ

Kiera wrote: »

So its the big day out you dont like the idea of? Or is it the fact that the promise you make for life is on a piece of paper?

I don't see the point in either?!? Why do you need it on paper? It means nothing anyway, people grow apart all the time, how can you make these promises?

lastlaugh

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Ideally I'd be thrown out on a mountain naked and eaten by birds, like what they do in Nepal.
But no I really don't give a sh*t what happens when I die, graveyards are a waste of space. I really loved my dog when I was a kid but no one knows what happened to her body after she was put down. Does it matter?

It might matter to your children or partner or parents what happens to your remains when you die.

Maybe somebody would like to visit your burial place someday.

Red21

Kiera wrote: »

I like the idea of being married but the whole big day out really puts me off. I’d be quite happy to feck off somewhere with only himself and I.

This is what i'll be doing, well, with herself.
Completely agreed op, Irish weddings have turned into a monstricty funded by the crazy idea of all the guests feeling they have to put cash into the wedding card.

Note: If anybody reading this is planning a wedding know this. Lots of the guests, your friends family and work mates who attend your wedding don't actually want to be there they have been presured into because they don't wanna fall out with you. So on the big day they are gonna pretend they are having a good time while really they are sick to death of:
-Putting money in weddings cards
-Driving have way cross the country to spend a night in a hotel in the middle of nowhere
-Listening to a priest waffle on about stuff that nobody believes including himself
-Making small talk at a dinner table with people they don't know or can't stand
-Watching poor family members freak out cos they gotta get up and say a few words
-watching drunk people fall around the place cos they've been drinking since 4 o clock on your special day.
So please please please consider having a small wedding because you'd be surprised how many people just don't wanna go to your special day.

BraziliaNZ

lastlaugh wrote: »

It might matter to your children or partner or parents what happens to your remains when you die.

Maybe somebody would like to visit your burial place someday.

Well then it's up to them what they do with my body isn't it? I don't care if people take turns on my dead body in the toilets of a fetish club, tbh

lastlaugh

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Well then it's up to them what they do with my body isn't it? I don't care if people take turns on my dead body in the toilets of a fetish club, tbh

Charming.

IvyTheTerrible

To say that the relationship is permanent (or as permanent as anything can be).

For security for any children.

For inheritance reasons.

For tax reasons.

To have the big day out.

(These are not necessarily MY reasons btw, just reasons in general).

It's not for everybody.

minidazzler

lastlaugh wrote: »

I suppose it formalizes the whole union in the eyes of the Law, I don't really know, Tax, Inheritance and other stuff.



A declaratin party seems a bit wishy-washy though and not really binding in any way. No disrespect intended!

Oh, I know it is, but at least the money is spent on things that matter rather than crap food, a crap piece of paper and whatnot.

Let's be honest, a wedding is a self indulgent affair for those closely involved and those on the fringes, the just kinda friends are forced to go because it's socially unacceptable not to without a valid reason. (And being broke isn't a valid reason in this to a lot of people)

Kiera

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I don't see the point in either?!? Why do you need it on paper? It means nothing anyway, people grow apart all the time, how can you make these promises?

Hey, i'm not big into the idea either. Just trying to see where you're coming from. I'm like Fallo there. Would hate all the attention. And tbh would only get married if it was what my OH wanted.