Hotel Rooms for Wedding Party

Petermc83

Hi guys and gals..

First time poster but avid reader of eboards.ie for the past yr.

I am getting married this coming June and myself& my fiance have been trying to keep the wedding under budget.

We are wondering, are the bride&groom suppose to pay for the bridal partys hotel room for the night of the wedding. ie. the bridesmaid, bestman, maid of honour & another groomsman?
We will have to pay for 3 rooms in totel. at 180euro a room.. it will all add up!!!

will they feel abit put off if we tell them that they have to pay for the room themselves??

Confused!

lazygal

We paid for all the expenses, including accomodation, for our bridal party. We budgeted for this from the start. My husband has been in several bridal parties and every time the accomodation has been paid for. I think its only fair to pay when you've asked people to be part of the party, stand in pictures, possibly return the paperwork to the HSE and perhaps look after some details on the day. I would think it quite stingey not to pay to be brutally honest and would either reduce the size of the bridal party to what I could afford or cut some unncessary expenses, like fancy cars or loads of flower, than skimp on this.

Sulkin

All I can say is that I'm a bridesmaid for my sister this coming December and I wouldn't expect her in the slightest to pay for my room-they are paying enough for us, hair/makeup/dresses etc so I am happy to foot that bill

Petermc83

thats the thing.. we are torn at the minute. and judging by the two responses, peoples thoughts on it can be strong for both cases!!!

Sleepy

Some do, some don't. Personally we won't be paying for the bridal parties' rooms, they'd all be guests at the wedding if they weren't in the bridal party anyway and we're nott going to be asking them to do much organising etc.

I think the one thing everyone could agree on is if you're paying for one, pay for all. I've seen a wedding where the groomsmen were put up and the bridesmaids left to pay for their own rooms and it caused some resentment.

Cathmandooo

Personally I don't think it's necessary to pay. It's a huge expense for the bride and groom and when you're counting every penny that much money goes a long way to providing entertainment or an extra drink for each of your guests.

I was bridesmaid and I paid for the room myself, it didn't bother me in the slightest as I hadn't put my hand in my pocket for anything all day.

clint_silver

Cathmandooo wrote: »

Personally I don't think it's necessary to pay. It's a huge expense for the bride and groom and when you're counting every penny that much money goes a long way to providing entertainment or an extra drink for each of your guests.

I was bridesmaid and I paid for the room myself, it didn't bother me in the slightest as I hadn't put my hand in my pocket for anything all day.

This is the way it should be. Theres no rules of engagement any more. Who has the money to be doing that?

If the argument is that its "only fair as youve invited them to be guests" then why stop at rooms? why not all night free drinks as well?

zebra12345

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cathmandooo
Personally I don't think it's necessary to pay. It's a huge expense for the bride and groom and when you're counting every penny that much money goes a long way to providing entertainment or an extra drink for each of your guests.

I was bridesmaid and I paid for the room myself, it didn't bother me in the slightest as I hadn't put my hand in my pocket for anything all day.

I totally agree. I'm doing bridesmaid for a family wedding and I'm paying for my own room - wouldn't even have thought otherwise. Considering you'll be spending a fair bit on their clothes for the day, as well as hair and make-up, etc, I don't think it looks stingey at all.

tinkerbell

We're not paying for rooms for anyone.

Bride2012

We got two free rooms with our own so they are for our parents. We are not paying for the bridal party's accomodation but will pay for everything else. My fiancé was best man for his best man four years ago and it never even entered our head that they would try to pay for the room. We'd never expect it.

Clare Bear

We're paying for them, that's our own personal choice. And until recently I just presumed the bride and groom paid for the bridal partys' rooms but I've been reading different on here. I don't think it matters that much really, people are very 50/50 on it and if you have a smaller budget than others then 4 or 6 rooms at 180 each is obviously going to add up but I just personally want to pay for ours. Each to their own.

Sleepy

It's not just here Clare Bear, I think people seem quite divided on the topic on the other wedding forums I've been visiting too.

If our budget was larger, we might be tempted to do it as a "nice to do" but, lotto wins aside, the money's not there so we're going to just make sure to spend a little more time on the bridal party gifts, which, although they won't be expensive, will have time and effort put into them

John Mason

we are not because we are having the wedding in dublin and everyone can make their own way home if they wish.

CYBER GIRL

HA!

NOOOOO. you get two rooms usually free with your own, for the parents. I have been bridesmaid twice and neither time was my room paid, it was my choice to stay. It never even crossed my mind to expect them to pay for a room for me...

Paddy1234

We're staying in the hotel for 3 nights - do people think we need to pay for just one night of the 3?

I hadn't even thought about it until i read this post.

NewDirection

Did you try asking the hotel for a discount on these rooms? I think its easier to sneak in extras rather than haggling directly on price with hotel.

We told the hotel we wanted rooms for all the wedding party as part of the deal, and while they said no, they gave us another extra for free which would be equivalent price to 3 out of the 4 rooms.

elhal

Im wondering the same thing myself and still quite torn. To be honest leaning towards not paying. I mean we have 4 groomsmen and looking at 5 bridesmaids. after paying for all of them to be dressed and made up etc its going to cost a fortune. And, it has been said that, if they werent part of the bridal party they would have to pay for that PLUS their own haor make up dress shoes etc etc. so its really only one small expense for them that could end up a huge expense for us...... Ok no longer torn!! Convinced myself!

squeky

Im getting married in November and i having 2 bridesmaids and 2 best men and i spend €600 alone on there dresses plus a flowergirl dress and it was way over my budget and also im paying for there jewellery, shoes, make-up, tan, hair and nails and that is enough to pay for, the way i see it is there are my best mates and they would have been coming to my wedding anyway and would have had to buy an outfit and pay for there own hair makeup etc accomadation so they are doing well at the minute! one of my bridesmaid also said to me - i take it we are keeping our bridesmaid dresses etc and i got a bit annoyed at the presumption of this as when her own sister got married last year and she was her bridesmaid she had to give her back the bridesmaids dress as sister wanted to sell it! so i had to bring her down a peg or to on couple of issues!

she also said to me i am not paying for our hotel room, do a deal with the hotel and get us a free room - god!!! so i said the deal is the parents are getting comp room and you will have to pay the discounted room - i dont like to be told what to do as she should be honoured she was asked to be bridesmaid!" - that's just my opinion!

GastroBoy

Don't feel you have to be obliged to pay for the rooms.
Some people do and its a nice gesture of course, but nobody expects to have their room paid for them and should be more then happy to pay for themselves.

woodchuck

squeky wrote: »

one of my bridesmaid also said to me - i take it we are keeping our bridesmaid dresses etc and i got a bit annoyed at the presumption of this as when her own sister got married last year and she was her bridesmaid she had to give her back the bridesmaids dress as sister wanted to sell it! so i had to bring her down a peg or to on couple of issues!

I think that’s a reasonable question in fairness! I’d want someone to let me know if they wanted it back to sell on because sometimes I do things like cut out the tags etc if they’re itchy. If I knew they wanted the dress back I wouldn’t spoil it in any way and take much more care not to get any spills or rips! I do understand your annoyance about what she said about her room though.

I was a bridesmaid for my sisters wedding and she didn’t pay for a room for me and I wouldn’t have expected her to either. It was actually close enough to home that a taxi was cheaper than a room anyway so I opted for that. But then she gave me a hard time about not staying over in the hotel… THAT was what irritated me! If you expect your bridal party to stay over when they might otherwise make their own way home then you should pay for it.

lazygal

squeky wrote: »

Im getting married in November and i having 2 bridesmaids and 2 best men and i spend €600 alone on there dresses plus a flowergirl dress and it was way over my budget and also im paying for there jewellery, shoes, make-up, tan, hair and nails and that is enough to pay for, the way i see it is there are my best mates and they would have been coming to my wedding anyway and would have had to buy an outfit and pay for there own hair makeup etc accomadation so they are doing well at the minute! one of my bridesmaid also said to me - i take it we are keeping our bridesmaid dresses etc and i got a bit annoyed at the presumption of this as when her own sister got married last year and she was her bridesmaid she had to give her back the bridesmaids dress as sister wanted to sell it! so i had to bring her down a peg or to on couple of issues!

she also said to me i am not paying for our hotel room, do a deal with the hotel and get us a free room - god!!! so i said the deal is the parents are getting comp room and you will have to pay the discounted room - i dont like to be told what to do as she should be honoured she was asked to be bridesmaid!" - that's just my opinion!

What honour are you conferring on them exactly? You're dictating what they wear, the flowers they carry and will no doubt expect them to be in pictures, be part of the ceremony etc, thereby giving up their time. And on top of that, you're not giving them a dress or paying for their room. Why are you having more than one BM and a flowergirl if you can't afford it within your budget?

I never understand why people think its an 'honour' to be part of a bridal party.

tinkerbell

squeky wrote: »

Im getting married in November and i having 2 bridesmaids and 2 best men and i spend €600 alone on there dresses plus a flowergirl dress and it was way over my budget and also im paying for there jewellery, shoes, make-up, tan, hair and nails and that is enough to pay for, the way i see it is there are my best mates and they would have been coming to my wedding anyway and would have had to buy an outfit and pay for there own hair makeup etc accomadation so they are doing well at the minute! one of my bridesmaid also said to me - i take it we are keeping our bridesmaid dresses etc and i got a bit annoyed at the presumption of this as when her own sister got married last year and she was her bridesmaid she had to give her back the bridesmaids dress as sister wanted to sell it! so i had to bring her down a peg or to on couple of issues!

she also said to me i am not paying for our hotel room, do a deal with the hotel and get us a free room - god!!! so i said the deal is the parents are getting comp room and you will have to pay the discounted room - i dont like to be told what to do as she should be honoured she was asked to be bridesmaid!" - that's just my opinion!

First of all, it was YOU who decided to have two bridesmaids and a flowergirl. Therefore, you have to pay for their dresses. You also did not have to spend €600 on those dresses, you could've gotten them cheaper alternatives elsewhere if budget was so important to you. You could also just have had one bridesmaid rather than the expense of 2 plus a flowergirl. So it's your own fault that you went over budget.

If you expect your bridesmaids to all wear a certain type of jewellery and shoes then you should be paying for this too. Usually it's normal to pay for the hair and makeup since you'll want it done a certain way for your wedding day. It's also your decision to pay for their tan and nails.

I think it is extremely ignorant to say that you're paying for all this stuff so "they are doing well at the minute". No they aren't. Most bridesmaid dresses are dresses that you would never choose for yourself, the same can be said for the shoes and jewellery. If they were buying their own outfit, they would buy a dress that THEY wanted and could wear again, the same with the shoes. Instead they have to wear this dress that they might hate just because you told them they have to.

I don't understand your anger at her asking about keeping the bridesmaid dresses, all you had to do was say actually no I'm planning on selling it.

There is no need to have all this drama with the hotel room. You just had to explain to her why there wouldn't be a free room and that would be the end of it. I also think it's ridiculous to be coming out with "she should be honoured I asked her to be my bridesmaid". Actually no - YOU should be honoured she agreed to be your bridesmaid. Most girls I know don't like to be a bridesmaid because of being dictated what to wear and dealing with the whole shebang - wearing a dress you most likely hate and shoes that are uncomfortable. I have one friend who has been a bridesmaid once and said she will never be one again. So you should show some appreciation for your bridesmaid rather than acting the bridezilla - she could easily just say no, I'd rather not thanks. Instead she is choosing to stand up there with you, wearing whatever ridiculous dress you want to put her in and helping you out on the day. You are not expected to pay for her hotel room, however you should show a bit of appreciation towards your bridesmaids by being glad they want to be part of your bridal party instead of this ridiculous nonsense about how they should be "honoured" to be. I don't think so.

lazygal

It'll be interesting to see if those two girls are still your best mates after the day, going on the behaviour outlined in the post.

CricketDude

Sleepy wrote: »

It's not just here Clare Bear, I think people seem quite divided on the topic on the other wedding forums I've been visiting too.

If our budget was larger, we might be tempted to do it as a "nice to do" but, lotto wins aside, the money's not there so we're going to just make sure to spend a little more time on the bridal party gifts, which, although they won't be expensive, will have time and effort put into them

People are divided, but its more like - the people who should be paying for the bridal party will try their best to read that they shouldnt have to.

It is expected that the bride and groom pay for the rooms of the bridal party.
Its very, very scabby for them not to. And it will be noted, even if you never hear of it being mentioned. These people are giving you their time. They'll also be buying you presents. The least you can do is pay for their rooms.

CricketDude

squeky wrote: »

Im getting married in November and i having 2 bridesmaids and 2 best men and i spend €600 alone on there dresses plus a flowergirl dress and it was way over my budget and also im paying for there jewellery, shoes, make-up, tan, hair and nails and that is enough to pay for, the way i see it is there are my best mates and they would have been coming to my wedding anyway and would have had to buy an outfit and pay for there own hair makeup etc accomadation so they are doing well at the minute! one of my bridesmaid also said to me - i take it we are keeping our bridesmaid dresses etc and i got a bit annoyed at the presumption of this as when her own sister got married last year and she was her bridesmaid she had to give her back the bridesmaids dress as sister wanted to sell it! so i had to bring her down a peg or to on couple of issues!

she also said to me i am not paying for our hotel room, do a deal with the hotel and get us a free room - god!!! so i said the deal is the parents are getting comp room and you will have to pay the discounted room - i dont like to be told what to do as she should be honoured she was asked to be bridesmaid!" - that's just my opinion!

You should be ashamed of yourself TBH.

squeky

woodchuck wrote: »

I think that’s a reasonable question in fairness! I’d want someone to let me know if they wanted it back to sell on because sometimes I do things like cut out the tags etc if they’re itchy. If I knew they wanted the dress back I wouldn’t spoil it in any way and take much more care not to get any spills or rips! I do understand your annoyance about what she said about her room though.

I was a bridesmaid for my sisters wedding and she didn’t pay for a room for me and I wouldn’t have expected her to either. It was actually close enough to home that a taxi was cheaper than a room anyway so I opted for that. But then she gave me a hard time about not staying over in the hotel… THAT was what irritated me! If you expect your bridal party to stay over when they might otherwise make their own way home then you should pay for it.

woodchuck, it would be a fair question if she had asked "Are we keeping these dresses or do you want them back but that is not what she said - she basically told me she was keeping her dress and would get it cut up short after wedding!!

squeky

lazygal wrote: »

What honour are you conferring on them exactly? You're dictating what they wear, the flowers they carry and will no doubt expect them to be in pictures, be part of the ceremony etc, thereby giving up their time. And on top of that, you're not giving them a dress or paying for their room. Why are you having more than one BM and a flowergirl if you can't afford it within your budget?

I never understand why people think its an 'honour' to be part of a bridal party.

Lazygal - they picked there own dresses and all accessories and flowers from a magazine and all i did was pick the colour so they did all there own choosing and they will keep there dresses etc but i was annoyed that "they persumed they were keeping there dresses and were going to get them cut up short - and were telling me and not asking me could they keep the dresses. I will look after my bridesmaids very well as that is the way i am,

Tinkerbell, i am certainly not a bridezilla one bit, they picked there own dresses that they loved and i handed over the cash and they picked everything else and i had no problem once they were happy with the dresses and they will keep there dresses and shoes that they loved so no problem for them!
it was just the way of them persuming they were keeping there dresses - they will be looked after very well

lazygal

squeky wrote: »

Lazygal - they picked there own dresses and all accessories and flowers from a magazine and all i did was pick the colour so they did all there own choosing and they will keep there dresses etc but i was annoyed that "they persumed they were keeping there dresses and were going to get them cut up short - and were telling me and not asking me could they keep the dresses. I will look after my bridesmaids very well as that is the way i am

But not pay for their rooms? Also, what is the 'honour' involved, you did say its an honour for them when justifying your choices. I'm curious as to what the honour of being your bridesmaid entails. And they were still restricted by your choice of colour.

Swampy

I'd paid for my wedding party for the two nights. But each to their own.

squeky

we will think about paying for there rooms when the time comes but when i was bridesmaid twice my room both times wasn't paid for nor i didn't expect it either, and i was honored to be asked to be bridesmaid for my friend - and when i asked my friend to be my bridesmaid she said she would be honored to be part my special day and help in the organising - isint nearly every bridesmaid told to wear what colour the bride likes but i told them my colour but i wasnt forcing them as i was open to colours but when they tried on the dresses in the colour and other colours they loved my choice so that sorted that,
yes each to there own.. i will look after them.

They got free choice to pick and choose what they wanted and i went with it as im not fussy or a bridezilla

Sleepy

CricketDude wrote: »

People are divided, but its more like - the people who should be paying for the bridal party will try their best to read that they shouldnt have to.

It is expected that the bride and groom pay for the rooms of the bridal party.
Its very, very scabby for them not to. And it will be noted, even if you never hear of it being mentioned. These people are giving you their time. They'll also be buying you presents. The least you can do is pay for their rooms.

lol, you're kind of proving my point here mate, half the people posting in here are saying that they'd consider it cheap not to have them paid for the other half ars saying they've been part of bridal parties and would never have expected their rooms to be paid for.

Personally, I've been to plenty of weddings where the bridal party haven't had their rooms paid for. I've been to a few where they have as well, usually ones where the parents are picking up the tab I've noticed...