Second date - dinner at his place, dodgy?

Mackleton

Hi guys,

So basically I'd love a male perspective here. Mods feel free to move this if this is the wrong forum for it...

Anyway, I'm a 23 year old female and have recently started seeing a guy in his late 20's. We went on the traditional first date of dinner and drinks and it seemed to go really well. Anyway he texted after the date saying how nice it was to see me etc, and texted two days later suggesting that for our second date he cook dinner for me at his place. What I want to know is whether I should be interpreting this as a way to get, shall we say 'intimate', very quickly or am I being overly cynical and is cooking for a lady something you would do with no ulterior motives?

Also I suppose I'm wondering whether in accepting this invitation am I giving him the message that I am open to that kind of intimacy, i.e.. If I go there will he think he's definitely getting some? :P

Dravokivich

Depends. Has staying overnight been mentioned at all?

I'd recommend if are going to, get an idea of where he lives and possible escape routes, such as public transport options if things do go bad. Or as a way of indicating to him you're not really sure of getting intimate yet and then play it by ear really.

awec

I think you're worrying a bit much.

I can only speak for myself but if I brought a girl round for dinner for a second date I wouldn't be expecting anything.

Mackleton

No, no mention of anything physical, there was no kiss on the first date actually, (think he was going for it and then the cab pulled up so we did a quick cheek kiss and that was it )

I'm meeting him tomorrow night though so I will have to leave early due to work Thursday morning anyway...I just don't want to go giving him any ideas and then disappoint... Is suggesting a neutral ground date making my position a bit clearer to him perhaps? Or would it sound like I don't trust him?

D'Agger

I'd keep it to the simple stuff early on tbh - as a guy I'd give it a while before I'd offer to cook for a girl - a few dates that is I'm not talking weeks/months here!

Even if I did offer - I wouldn't be getting my hopes up for any action but that's just me.

Say to him you'd prefer to go to a gig or something more casual and less intimate I'm sure he'll understand, it's only the 2nd date

Standman

Best thing to do is casually mention something you have to do early the next morning and that you'll be getting an early night that night. If he was hoping for something more then this will let him know you won't be up for it without being blunt about it.

JohnMearsheimer

I think you're reading far too much into this. Myself and an old girlfriend used to cook for each other the odd time. We had a few bottles of wine after and stayed up half the night talking. It was always more personal talk than the pub. Nothing extra was ever expected on my part or hers.

Mr. Presentable

Mackleton wrote: »

If I go there will he think he's definitely getting some? :P

Maybe you'd get some too

I definitely think he's dangling his worm in the pond, if you'll pardon the analogy, to see if he can get a nibble.

If you are at all unsure don't go there. Trust your instincts. Suggest somewhere public again and play it by ear. Hey, maybe you'll want to have him over next time!

Samich

Gotta agree, he may well be expecting hanky panky.

Mackleton

Yeah, I have to admit I was a bit taken aback by the invitation so early on, and incidentally we are both based in Paris and he lives on the other side of the city entirely so I am justified I think, in requesting a middle ground meet up, just until I can gauge what his intentions are anyway :P Thanks for the advice guys!

barone

he maybe just a friendly guy comfortable in his own skin, who is good at cooking and wants to impress you?

Joey the lips

Just dont drink to much so you have your senses and if you dont feel like progressing it any further then dont.

Cant blame a guy for asking would be my thoughts.

Cant blame a girl refusing would also be my thoughts.

aujopimur

Has he said what he's cooking?.

HellFireClub

Pretty straightforward OP, he suggested dinner in his because he reckons after dinner and a bottle or two of wine between the two of you, he'll get the ride. Sounds a bit premature (no pun intended), on his part to be honest, it's certainly not something I'd do until I was seeing someone for at least a month.

awec

HellFireClub wrote: »

Pretty straightforward OP, he suggested dinner in his because he reckons after dinner and a bottle or two of wine between the two of you, he'll get the ride. Sounds a bit premature (no pun intended), on his part to be honest, it's certainly not something I'd do until I was seeing someone for at least a month.

So cynical! :pac:

HellFireClub

awec wrote: »

So cynical! :pac:

But so true! :D;)

Otis Driftwood

Moved from tGC.

Irelandsfinest

Dinner is only dinner, but i would insist on the second date take place in public (i'm a bloke). I'm not a good example but when i 'dated' forget dinner whats for breakfast?

Sleepy

Could it be that he can't afford to take you out for dinner twice in such proximity and dinner and wine in his is a more affordable option?

msg11

I second the above, firstly I can't cook. Secondly, I wouldn't be bringing a girl back to my place on the second date. (No offence to you!) But you don't really know what type of person they are. Thirdly , it's a bit much for a second date even dinner out is a bit much.

Just tell him, you rather go out for dinner because your up early tomorrow or just tell him, you will be leaving early (straight after dinner) due to work commitments.

If he is serious, you will look back in a few months and possibly laugh at this.

Mackleton

msg11 wrote: »

I second the above, firstly I can't cook. Secondly, I wouldn't be bringing a girl back to my place on the second date. (No offence to you!) But you don't really know what type of person they are. Thirdly , it's a bit much for a second date even dinner out is a bit much

To be honest I don't think money is an issue, he has a good job and had no problem flashing the plastic last week (I did offer to split it but he wouldn't hear of it :rolleyes:)

I think I'm decided at this point, if he is serious about me then me asking to see him elsewhere shouldn't be a problem, and if he isn't then I won't have put myself in an awkward/possibly risky situation...

msg11

Mackleton wrote: »

To be honest I don't think money is an issue, he has a good job and had no problem flashing the plastic last week (I did offer to split it but he wouldn't hear of it :rolleyes:)

I think I'm decided at this point, if he is serious about me then me asking to see him elsewhere shouldn't be a problem, and if he isn't then I won't have put myself in an awkward/possibly risky situation...

Good choice, best of luck with the dinner.

Miss Fluff

Mackleton wrote: »

Yeah, I have to admit I was a bit taken aback by the invitation so early on, and incidentally we are both based in Paris and he lives on the other side of the city entirely so I am justified I think, in requesting a middle ground meet up, just until I can gauge what his intentions are anyway :P Thanks for the advice guys!

It's only a second date and Paris is pretty expansive in size so I'd definitely suggest neutral territory. You've only had one date and a 2nd date with someone you hardly know in an area you don't know is a lot to ask. If he's keen he may just want to show off his cooking/his pad. If he is keen he also won't mind waiting until you get to know him a bit better. If he's that keen to cook for you, suggest he cooks in your place after you've been out a few times.

LegacyUser

Hey Op,
depends on situation i think,
my First date with guy was dinner, drink and then back to his, all innocent and i was driving home after.
we spoke on phone after a bit and he'd invited me to formal ball thing following week , , this i knew i'd be drinking at, and he said i can stay over, i'd no intention of anything "imtimate" going on and he kinda laughed about this when mentioning it so we'd it kinda spoken about..

we both had good bit a drink on us by time we got back to his so coulda happened but able to control ourselves. kind of!
p.s. felt i'd known him more than 2 weeks by time this happened as we was on phone most days

Acoshla

Hmm, I must be very trusting. My first date with my fiancé was dinner in his place, and as it was quite a distance from my house I had a bag with me to stay the night in case I decided to (on the couch or whatever). I actually told nobody where I was going (thank God he wasn't a killer!) but we had mutual friends so he wasn't a total stranger. We had a lovely dinner, then watched tv till all hours, we kissed at 5am and that was it! Slept in the same bed but nothing happened, I don't think either of us were expecting more than the kiss.

BarackPyjama

Virtually impossible to say what his intentions are without knowing the guy. Maybe he just wants to cook you a nice meal and then walk you home. Maybe he wants to cook for you, get a few glasses of wine into you and get some hanky panky. Maybe he wants to kill you and bury you under the floorboards. No, just kidding :P But seriously - second date. I'd recommend the two of keep the dating 'public' until you get to know each other a bit better. If you explain that to him and he's a decent bloke, I'm sure he won't mind at all.

uck51js9zml2yt

BarackPyjama wrote: »

Virtually impossible to say what his intentions are without knowing the guy. Maybe he just wants to cook you a nice meal and then walk you home. Maybe he wants to cook for you, get a few glasses of wine into you and get some hanky panky. Maybe he wants to kill you and bury you under the floorboards. No, just kidding :P But seriously - second date. I'd recommend the two of keep the dating 'public' until you get to know each other a bit better. If you explain that to him and he's a decent bloke, I'm sure he won't mind at all.

I'm a guy and I'd keep it public as well. You don't know this guy yet so why put yourself at risk.

ash23

I'd suggest meeting for lunch (in case he's worried about cost). I don't think I'd be going to what is effectively a strangers house.
I'd want to know them a bit better before I'd go to their home.

Motley Crue

I think he's trying to make a gesture by cooking you a nice meal, it will also be a quieter environment so that he can perhaps show you his house and let you know a bit more about him, maybe his interests/hobbies etc?

I think he would be well aware that if you didn't want to get intimate with him then that's fine. In fact, he's probably as nervous as you and being in his own house was just a way to help the nerves go away, so that he could be surrounded by familiar settings and maybe feel more at ease.

I think the fact he's cooking you dinner and making an effort shows he likes and respects you, I don't think you have to worry about having your confidence or trust violated or should be looking for the exit every five minutes....and even if you're not "that kind of girl" don't let your worst fears spoil what seems to be a genuine chance to get to know you because I would imagine that he understands that

LegacyUser

we don’t obviously knowing the guy, but i think its def intended to 'take the next step'
I've pulled this trick before to progress things but I waited until the 3rd date at least!

It may be harmless but you don’t sound like your comfortable with the idea so if I
were you I wouldn’t put myself in that situation where you need to be making up
excuses etc… Just tell him you prefer to do something else.

Mackleton

Well just to update, he texted this morning to confirm and I casually said I have work early the next morning and could we meet on middle ground somewhere. To which he replied that that would be no problem to let him know where I wanted to meet/what I wanted to do I'm frankly much more comfortable with this arrangement and I think he wasn't bothered in the slightest. So, I suggested a Japanese restaurant (we both lived in Japan previously) followed by a game of pool, which he seemed pleased with, so all's well that ends well in this scenario.

Thanks for the advice guys!

ash23

That's good that he was fine with it. He probably just wasn't thinking too much into it but all the same, it's better that you meet him publicly.
Enjoy!