Silly things you were told you'd go to hell for

MrStuffins

I, like very many here i'd imagine, grew up in the Catholic Ireland way of life. And everyone knows that when you grow up in the Catholic way, you are told of all the things you need to avoid in order not to spend eternity having hot tridents stuck up your........ nose.

So, what are the more silly ones you were told, either as a child or even as an adult. I've had many but there is one that I remembered today:



When I was in secondary school I had this ridiculously hardcore Christian Irish teacher. Now, I had an exemption to be 5-10 mins late every morning from all of my teachers because my brother, who went to a special school, had to take a private bus to school each morning and I would have to be the one to see him onto the bus. So every morning the last thing I would watch before leaving for school would be my brother's favourite show, Pokemon!

So even though I had this exemption, my irish teacher was NEVER happy that I was able to stroll into her class 10 mins late on a certain morning so used to give me a hard time. One day she tried to embarrass me and being a bit cheeky and feeling that I should not have to make excuses for looking after my brother, I said "If the school say it's ok for me to sit at home in my boxer shorts watching Pokemon for an extra 10 minutes every morning then i'm going to do it".

Well what followed was 50 minutes of my outraged Irish teacher telling me that I was going to hell for watching Pokemon. According to her, the story of Ash (the protagonist of the show) travelling around collecting Pokemon was an insult to Jesus who had travelled preaching the word. The Pokemon themselves were "little demons". The toys were "false idols". Pokemon cards were "the devils currency". She said things like young people shouldn't be encouraged to collect these 150 Pokemon because they should be spending their time worshipping Jesus rather than "worshipping" these "spawn of the devil" creatures. it's just as well I didn't go back and tell her that they introduced another few hundred no so long after :P

She also said that it was Anti-Creationist propaganda in order to "brainwash" children into thinking that evolution is real.

She made many many more strange claims, 50 mins of them, but that's all I can remember for now So how about yours?






tl;dr: My crazy Irish teacher said i'd go to hell for watching Pokemon.

doomed

Generally masturbation. However that would have ensured meeting up with the staff again in the afterlife.

charlemont

Giving back cheek, Pulling myself, Once when we were all about ten we wrote dirty words and did drawings of tits etc on an old shed and when the farmer saw it and read it all he ended up going to confession because he was so upset. My mother also told me I'd go to hell for that too.

charlemont

Another story I remember is that every time you curse it puts another thorn in Jesus's head.

efb

Bum sex with other guys

Galvasean

MrStuffins wrote: »

She also said that it was Anti-Creationist propaganda in order to "brainwash" children into thinking that evolution is real.[/I]

Pokemon totally misrepresents evolution :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYlmsbmG-uA

If such an evolution occurred over 10 million years that would be impressive! :eek:

MrStuffins

Galvasean wrote: »

Pokemon totally misrepresents evolution :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYlmsbmG-uA

If such an evolution occurred over 10 million years that would be impressive! :eek:

How do you know it won't? Maybe it WILL happen in 9.94m years..... the earth being 6000 years old and all!

Arcus Arrow

Jesus. You couldn't say Jesus because it was taking the "lords" name in vain. The mega master of the universe controller of a billion planets, a trillion trillion cells, neutrons, particles and space dust would get upset if a child in Dublin mentioned one of it's many names.

Millions of people believe this stuff.

Being an atheist is not brave. Bravery is defying all reason, rational and common sense to accept what Catholicism tells people is true. Onward Christian soldiers...

Josephine O Beirnes

I was told by a nun in mass once after getting communion that i shouldnt eat the bread given i should instead let it absorb on my tongue, otherwise jesus will see and send me to hell, but damn that bread it always stuck to the roof of my mouth,

Galvasean

My mother used to tell me it was a 'mortal sin' whenever I didn't eat all of my dinner. I looked up the meaning of the term 'mortal sin' and told her that me not eating all of my dinner was a venial sin at worst.
Of course, she was one of those fat mothers who encouraged a 'hearty appetite' which is mammy code for stuffing your kids faces full of food until they become fatsos too or, in Biblical terms, the sin of gluttony :pac:

Galvasean

Josephine O Beirnes wrote: »

I was told by a nun in mass once after getting communion that i shouldnt eat the bread given i should instead let it absorb on my tongue, otherwise jesus will see and send me to hell, but damn that bread it always stuck to the roof of my mouth,

Really makes you wonder where all of these 'additional sins' came from? I mean, the Bible has enough odd and nitpicky rules without making up newer even more nonsensical ones.

Jamesyrp007

I called a priest a mutha****er when I was six because I didnt know what it meant(just learned it)..I was blacklisted after that
Once my teacher told me very time I cursed I would get a black dot on my heart.. And if it ever filled up I'd go to hell..
A priest before my time told young kids that there was no santy because it would only disappoint them in later life?? I'd love to tell him about jesus

MrStuffins

Jamesyrp007 wrote: »

A priest before my time told young kids that there was no santy because it would only disappoint them in later life?? I'd love to tell him about jesus

This is just evil. Why would you do this?

Also, where is his logic? MOst kids just kinda grow out of Santy. I don't remember being disappointed finding out there was no Santy i think it was a combination of me copping on myself and everyone in my class in school being old enough to be doing the same thing.

But i'd be horribly disappointed if I was 6 years old and some strange man dressed in black told me!

number10a

My grandmother was told by the nuns that taught her in the 1920s (when toilets were coming into vogue you know) that if she or any of her classmates ever used a black toilet that they would go straight to hell.

The nuns also told them that your hair went grey by spirits coming and taking away the colour.

Michael Nugent

During the first divorce referendum, I was putting up posters advocating a yes vote, and a child told us that her mother had told her that we would go to hell for putting up the posters.

Jamesyrp007

MrStuffins wrote: »

where is his logic?

No logic in it, your right.. They had to be the only boys in town! My granny could sight off a rhyme basically dispelling all other superstition except the church..

They really were intellectual slave holders.. I'd love to see a program on RTE depicting it..

yellowlabrador

My class of 16 year old girls was told by a dominican priest that if a woman got raped and survived, she'd consented as any decent woman would fight to death. We got our own back as he also told us that if we didn't agree 100 % with the churches' teachings such as contraception etc. we should stay away. We all stopped going to mass. It caused quite a bit of friction to say the least.

Galvasean

yellowlabrador wrote: »

My class of 16 year old girls was told by a dominican priest that if a woman got raped and survived, she'd consented as any decent woman would fight to death.

Ya'all should have gang raped him. See if his opinion changed.

irishh_bob

number10a wrote: »

My grandmother was told by the nuns that taught her in the 1920s (when toilets were coming into vogue you know) that if she or any of her classmates ever used a black toilet that they would go straight to hell.

The nuns also told them that your hair went grey by spirits coming and taking away the colour.

my granny ( RIP ) once told me how when she was in her early twenties , she was told in confession by a priest that she would never see gods face , he happened to see her sitting on a wall along with her then boyfriend before mass

MrStuffins

Galvasean wrote: »

Ya'all should have gang raped him. See if his opinion changed.

Yeah, sex with minors, we all know how priests hate that! :pac:

Ted_YNWA

its going to be a case of going to heaven for the weather or hell for the company then ...

Dades

I don't ever remember being told I'd go to hell for anything.

Doesn't mean I never was - maybe just that it was a threat never taken seriously.

Sarky

Pretty much everything that was fun.

Logical Fallacy

I was told in primary school that i would go to hell if i declined to be an altar boy. It was very funny as my teacher was a former nun who had left the church, gotten married and had kids and stuff. She told me that Jesus would make me super happy and i would never need anything more. So i pointed out that she had been a nun, which is effectively the same as being Jesus' second cousin and she obviously didn't feel fulfilled and left to start a family.

So that simple observation was interpreted as cheek which was also going to see me sent to hell and also got me a trip to the Principle...a lovely monk who seemed to feel that hell was a bit too far off coming for us and preferred to just beat the **** out of us. Lovely stuff all round really.

When i was 18 i went back to the school and asked her why she so readily sent us off to get beatings, which she obviously knew was happening and she had no answers for me. Bitch.

onehorse

doomed wrote: »

Generally masturbation. However that would have ensured meeting up with the staff again in the afterlife.

This always seems to be a big issue with the church
thankfully I never partook in the dirty habit. Did a bit of robbing and mugging but that should be alright

Bannasidhe

Josephine O Beirnes wrote: »

I was told by a nun in mass once after getting communion that i shouldnt eat the bread given i should instead let it absorb on my tongue, otherwise jesus will see and send me to hell, but damn that bread it always stuck to the roof of my mouth,

We were told by the nun instructing us for the communion that biting the host was the same as biting baby Jesus and we would go to Hell for that. As if that wasn't bad enough - she added that we would know we were going to hell for biting baby Jesus as our teeth would fall out. Some of my classmates had nightmares for months about that!

I went home and asked Me Nan - I'm from Cork like- (devout Catholic but still in my eyes the font of all wisdom) why my teeth were falling out - she told me it was because I was 6 and I was getting grown up teeth, and that happens to everyone - she informed me it had nothing to do with baby Jesus... I decided at that point that this religion thing was far too fond of terrifying children.

Me Nan also stormed into the school and tore into the nun...
I miss Me Nan.

number10a

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Me Nan also stormed into the school and tore into the nun...
I miss Me Nan.

Few things put such a smile on my face as hearing about someone storming into a school and tearing strips off a nun.

sensibleken

I used to be a piercer and was told i was going to hell for working in the services of vanity

Galvasean

sensibleken wrote: »

I used to be a piercer and was told i was going to hell for working in the services of vanity

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M68wcB6L0s

Mr Johnson

When I was about 7 the priest told me I would go to hell for picking my nose and eating it during mass ! That's most 7 year old boys doomed then.

Coriolanus

17, religious education class, the teacher was scoffing at the "silly beliefs" of Hindus or whoever we were studying and was told I'd go to hell when I asked what exactly made them any more silly than Christianity.
Also got the same threat when I refused to go for communion at a grad mass. Only thing that would shut the bastard up was reading the churchs own rules to him. İě have to be in a state of grace and all that and since I hadn't been to confession since I was confirmed it'd be an offense to his god if I did go up and eat his son.

DazMarz

-sex before marriage
-pulling yourself off
-being gay/bi
-not believing everything in the Bible
-taking the Lord's name in vain
-not believing in God/Jesus
-using condoms or any other form of contraception

well... looking on that little list, I truly belive that Hell is most certainly my destiny!!!

Look on the bright side, people. There wouldn't be any gambling, alcohol, heavy metal or sex in heaven!!!:D

sensibleken

Nevore wrote: »

17, religious education class, the teacher was scoffing at the "silly beliefs" of Hindus or whoever we were studying and was told I'd go to hell when I asked what exactly made them any more silly than Christianity.
Also got the same threat when I refused to go for communion at a grad mass. Only thing that would shut the bastard up was reading the churchs own rules to him. İě have to be in a state of grace and all that and since I hadn't been to confession since I was confirmed it'd be an offense to his god if I did go up and eat his son.

Plus its totally gay

Coriolanus

sensibleken wrote: »

Plus its totally gay

You know, deep down, thatyou want to take the Lord Jesus into your mouth.

Galvasean

When nuns/female teachers ranted at you about being hell bound did anyone ever retort with, "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

Beruthiel

Galvasean wrote: »

When nuns/female teachers ranted at you about being hell bound did anyone ever retort with, "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

That sort of cheek would have gotten you a few slaps back in my day.

c_man

Setting foot in a Protestant church.

Morag

Whistling, I kid you not.

"A whistling woman or a crowing hen draws the devil from his den"

mikemac1

Ouija board

kylith

Sharrow wrote: »

Whistling, I kid you not.

"A whistling woman or a crowing hen draws the devil from his den"

I was amazed when I first heard that; I had some American relatives visiting and the wife was apparently shocked that I dared do something like whistle whilst I made breakfast. Madness, I tells ya; madness.

mikemac1

Did you all do retreats? Couple of people come to your school for the day?

Some had great people, you could listen to them for hours on topics like self confidence or bullying or meeting the opposite sex and realy issues any teenager may face.
Great speakers but then if you're not a great speaker you've no business running retreats

But one of them warned us about hell and what would happen and what we're were facing.
"You'll be roasted over a fire and watch a video of the bad things you've done and you'll be so hurt and ashamed over your sins you won't even feel the fire."

Years later I never forgot that

I was terrified going home. And some lads were close to tears.

Bit of charisma, gift of the gab, a forceful personality and you can convince children of almost anything

Davyhal

DazMarz wrote: »

-sex before marriage
-pulling yourself off
-being gay/bi
-not believing everything in the Bible
-taking the Lord's name in vain
-not believing in God/Jesus
-using condoms or any other form of contraception

well... looking on that little list, I truly belive that Hell is most certainly my destiny!!!

Look on the bright side, people. There wouldn't be any gambling, alcohol, heavy metal or sex in heaven!!!:D

Ditto!!! See ya there buddy!

CiaranMT

Not once, by family, friends, teachers, priests or anyone, was I told I would go to hell for doing such-and-such.

robindch

kylith wrote: »

[...] wife was apparently shocked that I dared do something like whistle whilst I made breakfast [...]

Whistling isn't appreciated in the FSU either. A few years back, I was in the eye-wateringly huge New Athos Cave and for a laugh, whistled a few notes in the main cavern to check out the reverb time, seven seconds if I remember rightly.

I got a few filthy looks and the tourguide asked me to shut up, claiming I'd be bringing bad luck on the caves and everybody in them. Didn't seem to affect us much though since we made it out ok, even being invited to sit in the driver's cab in the dinky metro train that runs around the cave.

MrStuffins

CiaranMT wrote: »

Not once, by family, friends, teachers, priests or anyone, was I told I would go to hell for doing such-and-such.

Teacher's Pet :rolleyes:



:pac:

c_man

mikemac1 wrote: »

Did you all do retreats? Couple of people come to your school for the day?

We went to a home for priests back from missionary work. One dude was very cool (to me at the time) and the whole class warmed to him. He told us a lot of stories about him witnessing demonic possession in Africa. One quote of his still stays with me, "Lads people still doubt whether Communion is the body of Jesus... Sure even the Satanists know it's true, that's why they go to so much trouble to steal it!"

Aside from all that, he did deal particularly well with a classmate whose sister had recently killed herself. But still...

Panrich

CiaranMT wrote: »

Not once, by family, friends, teachers, priests or anyone, was I told I would go to hell for doing such-and-such.

Such-and-such, whilst obviously sinful is not a grade 1 mortal sin (like for instance whistling as mentioned by others). Your family and teachers were therefore technically correct.

kylith

robindch wrote: »

Whistling isn't appreciated in the FSU either. A few years back, I was in the eye-wateringly huge New Athos Cave and for a laugh, whistled a few notes in the main cavern to check out the reverb time, seven seconds if I remember rightly.

I got a few filthy looks and the tourguide asked me to shut up, claiming I'd be bringing bad luck on the caves and everybody in them. Didn't seem to affect us much though since we made it out ok, even being invited to sit in the driver's cab in the dinky metro train that runs around the cave.

I can kind of understand a prohibition on it in a cave since with various acoustic thingys like reverb and whatnot it might have possibly caused some kind of cave-in, perhaps; like yodelling setting off avalanches. But in my own kitchen!? Granted, it's a bit dilapidated, but it's not that bad.

Teddy_Picker

I can't remember ever being told that I'd go to hell, but a good few years ago I read some insane pamphlets that a neighbour of my Granny's had given her, about this young woman who was living a "Satanic" lifestyle, i.e. sleeping with guys before she was married, drinking, etc. but who died young. Her old flatmate then saw a vision of her one night, surrounded by flames, and vanished leaving scorch marks on the carpet. I was quite young and impressionable then, and it scared the hell out of me! :eek:

CiaranMT

MrStuffins wrote: »

Teacher's Pet :rolleyes:



:pac:

Ironically enough I was taught for two years in Primary by my dad and so he had to be doubly hard on me... *sniff*

Panrich wrote: »

Such-and-such, whilst obviously sinful is not a grade 1 mortal sin (like for instance whistling as mentioned by others). Your family and teachers were therefore technically correct.

Lol :pac:

Morag

kylith wrote: »

I was amazed when I first heard that; I had some American relatives visiting and the wife was apparently shocked that I dared do something like whistle whilst I made breakfast. Madness, I tells ya; madness.

Twas my gran who used to say it and then tell how the nuns would clip her around the ear for doing it.