Single Woman With No Children & Men With Children That Dont Live With Them.

noelo

Hi Everybody

I thought this would be the a good place to start a discussion about this common issue. Is it a misconception or is it only me that has been led to think that; single woman without children want or seek men without children, and if the male has children they would run a mile even if the guy was drop dead gorgeous and held superior qualities. Or, does it depend on the individual? Or does the majority of single think the way I just mentioned.

Thanks for reading

Dudess

Not something I've observed as a prevalent trend at all. Depends on the individual I guess - some people, female and male, don't want to be in relationships with people who are already parents. Some don't mind. Some who have children only want to date people who also have children. Some who have children only want to date people who don't have children.

Some have such rules in their heads initially but then meet someone in contravention of them, however they don't mind because they like them so much.

And some people, whatever their circumstances, don't care.

Kevin Duffy

Not sure how you'd attempt to answer any part of that question without meaningless and potentially offensive generalisations. Men and women have individual views on what family and relationship situations suit them, they're also capabale of changing long-held views depending on who they meet, experiences they have etc.

saa

I don't think its such an issue for people with older children but if you fall in love with someone it doesn't matter and Its a lot easier today because the man or woman who meets a person with children does not have to financially provide or the role of the parents boyfriend/girlfriend is more defined nowadays and the non traditional family unit is becoming less stigmatised.

Storminateacup

Child/Children with one woman wouldn't bother me too much, as I love children -- but might be a bit apprehensive being introduced to them.

Children with different mothers, no.
Complete turn off. I wouldn't touch a guy with a rake of kids with different women, no matter how hot he was

ShaShaBear

I dated a guy with a 4 year old boy, we were together a year. The split was entirely un-related to the child, but one thing I can say that I learned is that the idea of being serious with a man who has already experienced the joy of becoming a parent without you is a tad off-putting. I rather like the idea of both parents experiencing it for the first time at the same time. Might be that's a tad selfish, but I wouldn't completely throw off a chance at a nice guy over it either.

Jack B. Badd

Do you mean single Childfree women (i.e. never want children) or single women who want to be mothers someday? I'm Childfree (though not currently single) & I don't believe I would ever go out with a father.

seenitall

noelo wrote: »

Hi Everybody

I thought this would be the a good place to start a discussion about this common issue. Is it a misconception or is it only me that has been led to think that; single woman without children want or seek men without children, and if the male has children they would run a mile even if the guy was drop dead gorgeous and held superior qualities. Or, does it depend on the individual? Or does the majority of single think the way I just mentioned.

Thanks for reading

As a single mother, I can tell you, OP, that this is certainly not a matter of gender divide; single parents, in my experience, find it that bit harder to find a partner, be they male or female. In view of that fact, the wording of your OP baffled me a bit. Are you a single father?

noelo

Dudess wrote: »

Not something I've observed as a prevalent trend at all. Depends on the individual I guess - some people, female and male, don't want to be in relationships with people who are already parents. Some don't mind. Some who have children only want to date people who also have children. Some who have children only want to date people who don't have children.

Some have such rules in their heads initially but then meet someone in contravention of them, however they don't mind because they like them so much.

And some people, whatever their circumstances, don't care.

I know your answer is true because I feel and know the same, it scares me to think it, and it reinforces in my mind that there are individual groups out there with selective thoughs. And beleive ther is no one train of thought, but id love to know the percentages and stats

noelo

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Not sure how you'd attempt to answer any part of that question without meaningless and potentially offensive generalisations. Men and women have individual views on what family and relationship situations suit them, they're also capabale of changing long-held views depending on who they meet, experiences they have etc.

ouch!!! I thought the same, horrible to think it can change over time, offers no real security in a relationship. my friends kids are youngish! it was ok with his partner for a number of years then his spouse said she didn want then anymore, my heart sank for him..............

noelo

saa wrote: »

I don't think its such an issue for people with older children but if you fall in love with someone it doesn't matter and Its a lot easier today because the man or woman who meets a person with children does not have to financially provide or the role of the parents boyfriend/girlfriend is more defined nowadays and the non traditional family unit is becoming less stigmatised.

Well said! my friends partner felt a responsibility to his children, she knows one from birth, he tells her this is not her issue and that she sould not take this on. This is he reason she has left him. Because of the children that is, she said that she loves him but has not got love to share with the kids. What woman is this? especially after 6 years. the youngest child is 5 and the eldest 11. not that young anymore and only around at weekend as they do not live with him, even every second week i think.

noelo

Storminateacup wrote: »

Child/Children with one woman wouldn't bother me too much, as I love children -- but might be a bit apprehensive being introduced to them.

Children with different mothers, no.
Complete turn off. I wouldn't touch a guy with a rake of kids with different women, no matter how hot he was

He has 2 children from a previous relationship only, 5 and 11 would you say its a good reason to leave after 6 years?

noelo

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I dated a guy with a 4 year old boy, we were together a year. The split was entirely un-related to the child, but one thing I can say that I learned is that the idea of being serious with a man who has already experienced the joy of becoming a parent without you is a tad off-putting. I rather like the idea of both parents experiencing it for the first time at the same time. Might be that's a tad selfish, but I wouldn't completely throw off a chance at a nice guy over it either.

What about if you fell in love? do you think it would matter?

noelo

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

Do you mean single Childfree women (i.e. never want children) or single women who want to be mothers someday? I'm Childfree (though not currently single) & I don't believe I would ever go out with a father.

What about if you were to fall in love with a man that had children or a child. Lets say you never asked and he told you after the 6 date were you have already struck up the relationship? or perhaps you had a friendship first? do you think it would change your mind looking at it from that point? carefully

noelo

seenitall wrote: »

As a single mother, I can tell you, OP, that this is certainly not a matter of gender divide; single parents, in my experience, find it that bit harder to find a partner, be they male or female. In view of that fact, the wording of your OP baffled me a bit. Are you a single father?

Oh no this is for a buddy of mine.

Jack B. Badd

noelo wrote: »

What about if you were to fall in love with a man that had children or a child. Lets say you never asked and he told you after the 6 date were you have already struck up the relationship? or perhaps you had a friendship first? do you think it would change your mind looking at it from that point? carefully

I don't think I would change my mind (but can't guarantee it). There are certain things which are deal breakers in relationships - having children is one for me, and I think (although I've never put it to the test) that having a partner with existing children would also be one. I have no interest into getting into a relationship where I may eventually become a step-parent.

noelo

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

I don't think I would change my mind (but can't guarantee it). There are certain things which are deal breakers in relationships - having children is one for me, and I think (although I've never put it to the test) that having a partner with existing children would also be one. I have no interest into getting into a relationship where I may eventually become a step-parent.

I see, Thanks for that

Babybuff

I have been with people who have kids and who are separated but also am in that situation myself so it wouldn't make much difference to me generally but given my track record choose not to "meet" the children until a decent amount of time has passed.

noelo

Babybuff wrote: »

I have been with people who have kids and who are separated but also am in that situation myself so it wouldn't make much difference to me generally but given my track record choose not to "meet" the children until a decent amount of time has passed.

Yes, that is the norm I would say, My buddies situation is that his partner left after many years of being in a loving relationship saying only that she decided she did not want a man with children. he said, she said that she battle with the idea for many years in her head and she stayed because she loved him. But now she says she can no longer follow her heart and must follow what her senses or head tell her, which I think is bull****, because I beleive you must not choose one over the other but have a ballance of the two. Especially after 5-6 years.

LegacyUser

noelo wrote: »

Hi Everybody

I thought this would be the a good place to start a discussion about this common issue. Is it a misconception or is it only me that has been led to think that; single woman without children want or seek men without children, and if the male has children they would run a mile even if the guy was drop dead gorgeous and held superior qualities. Or, does it depend on the individual? Or does the majority of single think the way I just mentioned.

Thanks for reading

Didnt get reading all posts.

I don't know about my friends, never really asked them but i don't think that opinion is in alot of women.

I was going out with a guy for few months last year and he had a 5 year old boy, to be honest, it didnt bother me at all and i guess the reason it didnt was because it was obvious he was great dad, he wasnt just the wknd dad, he had him whenever he could,( lived near boys mums house,) was always talking about him, And what was a big thing He mentioned his son within about 5 mins of us meeting ,just in passing but still.


now, if he'd mentioned him that soon but then i came to realise he wasnt too bothered about him, made no effort etc, then that'd be big No-no for me.

So to be honest, i think it depends on the individual.

Babybuff

It's a tricky one. I'm not sure I would ever see myself taking on the role of step parent, If I was interested in someone and they had kids I figure the kids are not my responsibility and I wouldn't especially entertain the notion of wanting to be part of a family in that sense. (in the same way I wouldn't expect anyone to come in and take on the role that way in my family)
Although on the other hand, being a parent myself there is an amount of understanding or support I can give a partner and that may just be all that's required. It's a big ask of someone to fill the role of parent when they never signed on for it.

Eve_Dublin

Went out with a guy for a short time with a kid who lived with the mother. He didn't get along with the mother at all and it was hard to see him so stressed out about not getting to see his kid.

Actually, I found it very endearing to see how much he loved his little girl. It was very sweet. He was crazy about her and he seemed to be the best dad he could be in his circumstances, which I found very attractive. I never got to meet her in the end because of her mother and I moved away and we broke up anyway (we both knew the relationship would be short-lived).

After my mother died, my dad remarried and my step mam took on 5 of us, so I'd probably be more open to the idea as I see how successful it could potentially be. We love her and it's very much reciprocated.

op i think even though you think its unfair and im am guessing your friend is heartbroken , people are entitled to change their minds .

i know of a couple and she left saying she wanted a different life , she left him and her three kids behind .

i dont think there is a uniform reason for people to stay or leave a relationship nor do i think there is a general rule of attraction , some people would never go out with a man with kids some would .

Storminateacup

noelo wrote: »

He has 2 children from a previous relationship only, 5 and 11 would you say its a good reason to leave after 6 years?

I don't understand. 2 children (one mom) aged 5 and 11 - would not bother me, if I was in a long term relationship with their dad I'm pretty sure I'd end up loving them too, as they come as a package.

What I wouldn't be able to deal with would be him being a bad father or him not facing up to his responsibilities and seeing the children suffer as a result.

lazygal

It would be a deal breaker for me if a man had a child. I'm pregnant with my first baby and I'm glad I don't have to deal with another family. I feel the ex is never really and ex, you're always going to have to take her and the children into account. I know some people are fine with it but I wouldn't be interested in taking on someone else's child. I like that me and my husband are starting out as a family unit with no baggage like this. I know that might sound self centered but I also know I would be a very resentful step parents.

chirogirl

When I was dating , I always said to myself that I'd rather not meet a man with children as I viewed it as a potential complication /baggage. However, I find myself on the other side of the coin, I'm now a single mum to a 6mth old. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll meet anyone in the future and how will they perceive me as a Single mum.

LegacyUser

Yeah agree with ya there chirogirl, I have friends/family who are single mums, kids at young age and thats a reason the fella having a kid doesnt bother me,
relationships dont always work out, and is it really worth staying with someone and being uphappy just because you have a child together?! when you both could meet someone else and still let your child know you both love and are there for them.

iguana

I used to think I would be fine with it until I had a relationship with a man with a child and I found the whole experience very difficult. It wasn't the reason we split up but when we did split up I found that along with my sadness about the end of the relationship was an overwhelming relief that the complications of planning a future with a man with a child was gone. After that I decided that I wouldn't be interested in a long term relationship with a father. I did have a brief relationship with a father after that but it was one that I knew would never be serious and if I ever thought that it would get serious I would have ended it.

Also when I miscarried the pregnancy I conceived with my husband I was grieving so hard that I could not be around children. If my husband had a child from a previous relationship I really don't think I could have handled that at all. I'm honestly not sure our marriage would have been able to survive it.

LegacyUser

I don't want children so it probably wouldn't have ever been a good idea for me to get involved with a man with children. However I am with my boyfriend almost 8 years, we are both child free by choice, but if say, hypothetically , some day a woman from a one night stand years ago showed up on his doorstep with a 9 or 10 yr old kid and said it was his kid, then after paternity tests and all, I would accept that child in my boyfriend's life.
We are together far too long for a child to be a deal breaker, but if I was single and it was a man I was just getting to know, him having a few kids already,would put me off and make me worry, as given the choice I would choose someone without kids.
I think one of the biggest issues for me would be dealing with the ex girlfriend/mother of the kids. Even if they were a really nice person, and not one of the psycho ex with his kids that we hear so often about, then I would still be uncomfortable with his ex having such an important and permanent presence in our relationship. All plans would have to be run by her first to see if it fitted with her routine or the visitation times, all major life decisions would have to made with the child and possibly the ex also taken into consideration. Things could get tricky if a couple had kids of their own, and a child from a previous relationship was only on visitation days, their could be feelings of being left out, or bitterness and arguments about what kids are getting the most attention.
Even though I don't at present want any kids, if I was in a long term relationship where the guy had a child, what happens if I become really attached to the kid, and we then break up in bad and unfriendly terms? I would have no rights to see that kid ever again.
There's just so many things that could go wrong, that makes me think it's more hassle than it's worth. I suppose if you really really like someone though, then you could find a way to make it work somehow.

Novella

I think it depends on the individual because obviously, we don't all want the same things. Personally, I can't see myself being interested in a guy with a child. It's not that I have any issue with single dads, it's just not something I would like entangled with my life. Personal preference and maybe it's harsh, but honestly, that's how I feel.

It could very well change in the future, of course.

sam34

it would be a deal breaker for me. I'd have no longterm interest in a guy with kids. a short term fling, sure, but nothing committed or longterm.

Galwayguy35

I went out with 2 women who had kids. Cant ever see me being with someone with kids again. I want my own someday but with someone who doesnt have any already.

LegacyUser

I have one friend who would never go out with a guy who had a child/children.
I don't think I would go out with a man who had a child/children with someone as I would like to get married and have a family with someone.
No one can say what will happen in the future. I could met some one who has a child and they could be the love of my life. If I met a man and discovered he had a family without telling me it would be the end of the relationship. I know one girl in her late 20's who has a child and the child's father never wanted anything to do with her.
If you have sex with some one and you have a baby you should be man enough to say this is my child. If the relationship does not work out you should be there for your child in spending time with them and giving money towards the cost of bring them up.