This Isn't Good But...

Kintarō Hattori

As you may know we got our rescue pup last week (almost 4 months old). She's adorable, very affectionate and she loves to curl up beside you on the sofa. The bad news though is that my fiancée hasn't warmed to her. I think she liked the idea of a dog, rather than the reality. The little lady hasn't done anything wrong which makes things difficult for me.

We bought a new house in March and my partner is lamenting that it's not going to stay clean... I know I know. She insists on wiping the pups feet when she comes in from outside. She's complaining all the time about the poop and pee.

Another big issue is time. Pretty much all of our non-working time is spent with the pup and there isn't much for each other. That's just how it has to be or the wee mutt wouldn't get enough quality time. My partner doesn't spend much time in the living room, so when she's upstairs the dog is downstairs. I don't like to leave her downstairs when I'm only in the door a short while.

I'm not sure what to do as the dog hasn't done anything wrong but we both need to be happy and currently my partner isn't. I don't know what she expected (she has had dogs before) but it's simply not working out for her. She wants me to ring the centre and see about returning the little lady. I'd love to keep her but I can't if my other lady hasn't warmed to her.

Does anyone have any advice? Will the centre take her back if needs be?

planetX

I read your other post, you're breaking my heart now.
I have an 8 month old lurcher, so I know exactly how much work they are. I was told at dog classes that age is going to help with my dog.
The dog is going to take as much attention as you are offering. It sounds like you need to insist on more 'time off'. We put our pup to bed by 8, lights off in the kitchen, that's my time for peace and quiet. The other thing you can do until you can go for long walks is take play sessions in the garden, it shouldn't be too hard to tire out a 4 month old. Then leave the puppy to rest for a few hours.
On the other hand if you are seriously considering rehoming her it's only fair to do it now while she's still young enough to attract offers. Personally I'd keep the pup and ditch the other half:p

aisher

Getting a pup is like having a new baby into a house - they are so much work! We got a pup back in June and like your partner I am very houseproud - the mess and the dirty paws etc really annoyed me. Also the constant need for attention not to mention having to get up at night to let her out for pee/poo was not my idea of fun! We have her now 6 months and have settled into a nice routine - she is walked twice a day and is no longer as 'hyper' as she was - we can trust her in the house more then at the start so its all coming together. I think you need to give this dog at least a month before you think of getting rid of her - with time you will settle into a routine and she will become part of the family. Its unfair to dump her back on the shelter after just one week - give it a while longer - although if your partner is not happy it may well be the only thing you can do

The Sweeper

Your partner has puppy blues. They happen.

Most of us who've owned dogs remember the dog's life. We remember years of happiness, great companionship, laughs, dramas, so on. We remember having a dog that was bonded to us and who, when it died, took part of us with it.

So we forget what the first 6 months were like. We forget the pee and the poo, the lack of discipline, the formative stages where the pup clings to you for a month and then ignores you for a month. We forget the work we had to put into training the dog and having it adjust to us, our lives, our habits.

So we get a pup, and it just doesn't click. This isn't like our old dog. This thing wees and poos, won't come when it's called, wrecks the place, destroys our favourite things, has eaten at least one item that we're really upset about - and it doesn't like to be scratched the way our old dog did! It doesn't like the sorts of toys our old dog did.

In fact, some days, there's very little likeable about the scruffy thing at all.

This happens. It happens to a lot of people. Lots of animal lovers don't talk about it, because it's a sore subject, the concept that you won't immediately bond with your dog. Because people don't talk about it, when folks don't fall in love with their pup in the first few weeks it's home, they think there's something wrong with them and with the dog, and often times back to the shelter or rescue or breeder it goes.

However, if you stick it out, best case scenario is in ten years time you have an old dog that you totally adore and cannot imagine the last decade without.

You need to have a serious conversation with your missus about what she expected. You've had the pup a week. Did you talk your missus into the dog? Was she as enthusiastic as you were? The fuss of wiping the pup's feet when she comes into the house is honestly ridiculous. Buy a mat.

Plus start teaching the pup - she's old enough to be learning sit, lie down and stay. The internet has a whole load of good dog training videos that demonstrate precisely how to get the basic commands out of your puppy using positive rewards-based training. It'll help you bond and it helps you control the pup's environment.

Look into crate training your pup. That way she'll get the hang of toilet training and you have the option of giving the dog a safe space and giving your missus a break from the pup.

But one week in? I'd be having a serious 'WTF did you think was going to happen' conversation with your other half. I think you'd shaft that pup returning her to the shelter - you've shook her up good relocating her, hardly given her a chance to settle and now your missus wants to turf her back to the rescue - all this during an important formative phase in her wee puppy life. It's like an exercise in 'How to create a nervous dog 101'.

Find out exactly what the problem is that your partner has, and figure out if you can work around it. If you can't, and if your partner could honestly return an animal to a rescue within one week, I'd be sticking to rocks and tamogatchi from here on out.

Kintarō Hattori

planetX wrote: »

I read your other post, you're breaking my heart now.
I have an 8 month old lurcher, so I know exactly how much work they are. I was told at dog classes that age is going to help with my dog.
The dog is going to take as much attention as you are offering. It sounds like you need to insist on more 'time off'. We put our pup to bed by 8, lights off in the kitchen, that's my time for peace and quiet. The other thing you can do until you can go for long walks is take play sessions in the garden, it shouldn't be too hard to tire out a 4 month old. Then leave the puppy to rest for a few hours.
On the other hand if you are seriously considering rehoming her it's only fair to do it now while she's still young enough to attract offers. Personally I'd keep the pup and ditch the other half:p

Thanks for the advice. I do feel that we are probably offering her too much attention, but I have no idea how much is enough. My partner does shift work but is never home very late or gone very early. I however leave the house at 7:50 and am usually back by about 7pm.
When I get in I take her outside, play with her, chase her/let her run around and then take her for a walk.

How much attention is enough in the evenings? Apart from the short play session and then a walk, she'd probably get an hour or two sitting on the sofa with me before I head to bed which is typically around 12-1am.

The Sweeper wrote: »

You need to have a serious conversation with your missus about what she expected. You've had the pup a week. Did you talk your missus into the dog? Was she as enthusiastic as you were? The fuss of wiping the pup's feet when she comes into the house is honestly ridiculous. Buy a mat.

But one week in? I'd be having a serious 'WTF did you think was going to happen' conversation with your other half. I think you'd shaft that pup returning her to the shelter - you've shook her up good relocating her, hardly given her a chance to settle and now your missus wants to turf her back to the rescue - all this during an important formative phase in her wee puppy life. It's like an exercise in 'How to create a nervous dog 101'.

Find out exactly what the problem is that your partner has, and figure out if you can work around it. If you can't, and if your partner could honestly return an animal to a rescue within one week, I'd be sticking to rocks and tamogatchi from here on out.

I know, I'm surprised. It was herself who suggested we get a dog as she has had them in the past, regularly mentions her old dogs and so we both agreed we'd get a rescue dog. I'm as surprised as you it hasn't worked out so far. I do feel it would be cruel to return her so early but I don't know what to do really.

DBB

OP, I can't make out from your post how long your pup is left alone for... Can you clarify how much time the pup spends alone, on average?

Kintarō Hattori

DBB wrote: »

OP, I can't make out from your post how long your pup is left alone for... Can you clarify how much time the pup spends alone, on average?

About 6 hours per day.

DBB

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

DBB wrote: »

OP, I can't make out from your post how long your pup is left alone for... Can you clarify how much time the pup spends alone, on average?

About 6 hours per day.

Ah, ok. Thanks for the clarification.
Sweeper's post is brilliant... I've owned many dogs, loved em all to bits, and I work with dogs, and foster them too. And still, when a new pup or adult dog arrives, I still get the feeling of "****... What have I done?"! It is hard to adjust to all the differences a new dog brings with them, and kinda scary when the reality and enormity of it hits.
I wonder would it help to have a one to one session with a good trainer or behaviourist, or book you all in for training classes? Might help get a routine established, and help your wife get a bit more hands-on with Holly, and bond with her?
Also, I would suggest that you don't feel you have to spend every waking minute pouring attention on Holly. Just being with you is fine, and indeed good for her to learn that whilst you're there for her, she can't expect you to devote your every moment to her! Dogs are happy just to be with you. That doesn't mean you don't spend active time with her, playing and training, you just don't have to do it all the time!

Kintarō Hattori

DBB wrote: »

Ah, ok. Thanks for the clarification.
Sweeper's post is brilliant... I've owned many dogs, loved em all to bits, and I work with dogs, and foster them too. And still, when a new pup or adult dog arrives, I still get the feeling of "****... What have I done?"! It is hard to adjust to all the differences a new dog brings with them, and kinda scary when the reality and enormity of it hits.
I wonder would it help to have a one to one session with a good trainer or behaviourist, or book you all in for training classes? Might help get a routine established, and help your wife get a bit more hands-on with Holly, and bond with her?
Also, I would suggest that you don't feel you have to spend every waking minute pouring attention on Holly. Just being with you is fine, and indeed good for her to learn that whilst you're there for her, she can't expect you to devote your every moment to her! Dogs are happy just to be with you. That doesn't mean you don't spend active time with her, playing and training, you just don't have to do it all the time!

I think that's a problem we could be having. Aside from bringing her for a walk and playing with her in the garden, how much attention should she get in the evening? Would you consider it fine to have her downstairs while say up in the computer room with the missus for an hour? (She's not allowed upstairs).

When I'm not giving her attention I can't help but feel that she looks/is bored by herself. What do they do when you're not interacting with them? How much time should a dog, especially a Lurcher spend sleeping? Also, when is she likely to become a little more independent?

I'm sorry for all the questions, I'm just feeling a little lost.

Zapperzy

Give it time, I didn't bond with either of my two current pets initially either. Took at least a week with both.

When I got the cat as a 5 month old kitten she freaked me out altogether because I was alone in the house and she just sat under the table and chairs staring at me, and not a frightened stare it was an all knowing I can see straight to your soul stare. And she wouldn't eat, kept thinking why did I want a cat.

Then along came Charlie the dog who came to us as a 2-ish year old, my first week with him I felt physically sick all week with a bug so that didn't help matters, the first evening with him again I was on my own (that's becoming a bit of a pattern where they all feck off and leave me to deal with it!), brought him for two short walks and had to go to bed really early because of me not feeling well, but he barked and barked and barked at being left in the garden. My stomach was doing twists anyways but I was really anxious I'd get a knock on the door from angry neighbours complaining about barking dog (we live in an estate and this was one of our big big holdbacks for getting a dog), so I was cursing why the hell we got a dog and was wondering how soon we could ring the shelter back to return him. You do all the reading and researching in the world but when your actually faced with a problem barking dog I hadn't a clue what to do, so all I could think of was to lock him into his kennel (he initially wasn't allowed in the house), back in the shelter he used to be put back in an indoor pen every night so I figured he associated the being locked in kennel as bedtime and time to settle, it worked anyhow and I thought now I could put off ringing the shelter back until the morning.

Both worked out eventually and we still have them both, can't possibly imagine life without them now but you do forget the 'puppy' stage after a while, neither came to me with a clue and now I have a semi-trained dog with one hell of a personality and character, and a cat who simply put is like no other (she still sits under the chairs staring into your soul!). Wouldn't or couldn't return or get rid of either of them now no matter what the circumstances are! So just stick at it for another while, after housetraining all the pees and poos will be gone, you could probably train him to lift all four paws up for a wipe when he comes in, and you could include all three of ye in activities by walking together or going to training classes together.

Kintarō Hattori

Right. I'll get one hell of an earful when I go home but I'm not ringing the centre today. I'm gonna go home and really talk to the missus about what the problems are. Holly isn't allowed upstairs so that leaves the kitchen, hallway and living room. Sure the kitchen might get a little dirty but it can be cleaned. In the living room she sits on the couch with us, so 'dirtying the house' shouldn't be too much of an issue.

When we did go upstairs we closed the kitchen door and that started lots of whining. However I've found that when I go upstairs for a while/to bed and leave the door open she's as good as gold with only an initial whimper and then silence. She seems to spend most of the time in her basket.
I can't leave her alone in the living room though as she has a habit of taking things to her basket. So if I want to go upstairs to the missus the hall door is left open but the living room door is closed. Why does this make such a difference- does anyone know?

I think the main problem for my other half is time. The pup is taking up too much of our time at home so perhaps I can address this somehow. I really need help on this from you guys so all advice is welcome and will be listened too.

DBB

OP, why not get Holly some interactive toys, like Kongs, or zooplus do a nice range of doggy mind games, will link to it later as I'm posting from my phone now!
Also, visit www.dogstardaily.com, and have a look through the puppy tab near the top of the page, as there's great advice there about general puppy management, their needs and how to provide for their needs in the real world.
Generally, pups go in cycles of eat-sleep-run around, each happening in fairly short bursts. Interactive toys prolong the feeding and exercise elements, thus leading to more sleep, and less boredom!
Would it be possible to set pup up in a crate or, better still, a puppy player in your wife's study? That way, Holly can get the social contact (just being with your wife would be fine for now, in the hope the bonding will soon happen) and Holly won't be able to run around upstairs, or chew on things she shouldn't.
I also think a session with a good trainer or behaviourist would pay off, as most owners report that they look on their dog in a whole new light after a good one to one advice session!

Kintarō Hattori

DBB wrote: »

OP, why not get Holly some interactive toys, like Kongs, or zooplus do a nice range of doggy mind games, will link to it later as I'm posting from my phone now!
Also, visit www.dogstardaily.com, and have a look through the puppy tab near the top of the page, as there's great advice there about general puppy management, their needs and how to provide for their needs in the real world.
Generally, pups go in cycles of eat-sleep-run around, each happening in fairly short bursts. Interactive toys prolong the feeding and exercise elements, thus leading to more sleep, and less boredom!
Would it be possible to set pup up in a crate or, better still, a puppy player in your wife's study? That way, Holly can get the social contact (just being with your wife would be fine for now, in the hope the bonding will soon happen) and Holly won't be able to run around upstairs, or chew on things she shouldn't.
I also think a session with a good trainer or behaviourist would pay off, as most owners report that they look on their dog in a whole new light after a good one to one advice session!

I'll have a look at all the things you've mentioned. One problem though, the 'study' is upstairs. Would getting her a bed for that room for when my OH is there confuse her?

I do sincerely appreciate all the advice.


EDIT: One major thing. Normally she's quite happy to sit/lie down but when she gets up and starts sniffing around it's pretty much an indication that she's ready to go and poo. She heads out to the garden, does her business and gets praise/a treat. However we don't seem to get any warning sign for when she wants to pee. She gets up, goes to the hallway and pees which sees much jumping up off the sofa to move her on and bring her to the garden. After she's down the business she gets praise but I don't know if it's confusing for her.

DBB

No, I wouldn't worry about her being confused... She'll quickly learn that when your wife is upstairs, she can be too. My dogs have 3 beds each in various parts of the house, they just settle in whichever room I'm in at the time. Or not, if the mood takes them :-)

Darkginger

You've had a lot of good advice in this thread, and I'm glad you didn't phone the shelter today. I'm in a similar position - we got Missy (Mistletoe) a week ago tomorrow, so we're in the pee/poo/getting into a routine situation too. Slightly different for us, because we had a one year old dog already - and that does make a difference - they play together a lot of the time. Having said that, I have to keep my eye on them in case they get into something they shouldn't, or play gets a bit too rough.

Even in just a week, a lot of progress has been made - Missy now goes overnight without a poo, and 'performs' as soon as we let her out in the morning. Once this begins to happen with Holly, it'll reduce your stress levels a lot. Looking at the one year old with Missy, it's now apparent how far she (the one year old) has come - and it's encouraging, because we can remember when she was just like Missy, not too long ago! It's just the first six months that can be challenging, but the years after that are so rewarding, it's well worth it. Do remind your partner of this.

I've had dogs for most of my life, and my mother used to wipe paws as they came in from outside, too - the dogs learned to wait, and to lift their paws before moving further into the house. If it helps keep the place clean, why not? Mum actually made a bag up out of two old beach towels, and if a dog was particularly filthy, she'd pop it into the bag (head out the open end at the top), and let it wriggle itself clean - under supervision, of course. Mum was very houseproud (never get a white dog when you have dark red carpets!), but she found a way to live with dogs and still keep the house to her exacting standards (mine are far more lax!).

I really hope you partner overcomes her problems with Holly - I can tell you it came as a huge shock when we got our now 1 yr old - at the time we had two 12 yr old dogs (lost both this year, sadly, plus another one a month or so before the newbie arrived - a bad year). It's easy to forget the puppy problems when you're used to older dogs.

It takes longer than a week to establish a routine, but I really hope you persevere, Holly looks like such a great dog (from pic in other thread) - am sure you'll all have years of happiness together if you can just get past the initial stages. Best of luck to you all.

sambuka41

The Sweeper's post should be made a sticky for anyone who has gotten a puppy and is losing their mind!!!! :D:D Its like as if you were living in my house watching me with my dog!! I completely agree that we are afraid to talk about this feeling, thinking somehow it makes us bad pet owners. I am very guilty of the 'my last dog was so smart in comparison' (doesn't help that he was a genius!!)


OP I think you are doing the right thing by giving it some more time. You have to remember the week that is in it. Emotions run high at Christmas (that's even if you don't have much interaction with the 'family':p ) so give yourselves a break.

A week really isn't long enough to know how things will go. Your partner needs to be more realistic about this situation, a week isn't long enough, dogs can be dirty (plus its winter, she wont always have mucky feet), the clingy behaviour will ease. Maybe she is just put out by such a big change, once a routine is in place it will settle. Myself and my partner were together 3 years when we got the dog (we had a cat,but he was my cat so it was a bit different). We didn't really fight much before the dog, but man oh man did we fight those first few weeks!!!! Its a big change, make some allowences for that.

Good luck with it!

yellowlabrador

Those first few weeks with a pup can be hard, even more so when your previous dog lived to an old age.
I'd get your partner to spend some quality time with the pup and take it on at least an hour's walk before you come home, preferably in daylight. Winter doesn't help, as it's dark when you leave and dark when you come back. By walk, I don't mean trek for miles but playtime on a green or park. It'll help socialise the dog and also build up a bond so your partner will also make friends with your new pet.
I tend to avoid pups and take on older dogs, but that brings it's own problems.

Kintarō Hattori

yellowlabrador wrote: »

Those first few weeks with a pup can be hard, even more so when your previous dog lived to an old age.
I'd get your partner to spend some quality time with the pup and take it on at least an hour's walk before you come home, preferably in daylight. Winter doesn't help, as it's dark when you leave and dark when you come back. By walk, I don't mean trek for miles but playtime on a green or park. It'll help socialise the dog and also build up a bond so your partner will also make friends with your new pet.
I tend to avoid pups and take on older dogs, but that brings it's own problems.

I had wanted an older dog to avoid pup issues but she wanted cuteness. Unfortunately I can't take her off the leash out as she's a Lurcher so she'd run off on me, plus an hour would be a little long. We do have a small green though in front of the house so I may suggest she take her there.

One other thing though. When she starts off walking she's grand, traipsing along and looking around her. However she seems to get startled rather easily and then refuses to move. After leaving her for 20-30 seconds she'll move on but do it further down the road.

I've tried slightly different routes but it always happens. Is this common, is there a way around it? I know walking the dog would be a major bonding time for the missus as she was looking forward to this perhaps most of all.

star-pants

You've gotten a lot of great advice already and I do think it's a good idea to talk to your other half.
It is tough initially going from a spotless house, to finding every time you clean, a new lump of fluff or something has emerged. But you get over it, first few weeks are the hardest, everyone is adjusting, everyone is learning.

Only bit I wanted to comment on was about having the doors opened/closed.
I find our two hate having the door closed on them, they can get upset by it. But, if we have the door open and a baby gate there, they're fine. It's like they feel less closed out that way. For our sliding door from living room to kitchen we have a large piece of board, that we can step over, but means we can put it in the gap and partially close the sliding door to hold it in place. Keeps them out, but happy cuz they can still hear you.

yellowlabrador

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

I had wanted an older dog to avoid pup issues but she wanted cuteness. Unfortunately I can't take her off the leash out as she's a Lurcher so she'd run off on me, plus an hour would be a little long. We do have a small green though in front of the house so I may suggest she take her there.

One other thing though. When she starts off walking she's grand, traipsing along and looking around here. However she seems to get startled rather easily and then refuses to move. After leaving her for 20-30 seconds she'll move on but do it further down the road.

I've tried slightly different routes but it always happens. Is this common, is there a way around it? I know walking the dog would be a major bonding time for the missus as she was looking forward to this perhaps most of all.

Her behaviour is totally normal and will settle down, everything is still strange to her. How often did she get walks in a street before you got her?
Everything is new to her, including her new home. I've had perfectly behaved lurchers in the past that could be walked off the lead but you need to get to know your dog first. Some will have a strong 'hunt' instinct, others won't.
It's early days yet. When she gets a bit scared, reassure her and take it easy, she'll look at you for your reaction to things and then copy you. If you are nervous, so will she be, think of the lead as an umbilical cord.
Dogs can also be more protective of you when on the lead, so I tend to drop the lead if there is any 'confrontation' with another dog. It tends to calm the situation immediately.

star-pants

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

One other thing though. When she starts off walking she's grand, traipsing along and looking around here. However she seems to get startled rather easily and then refuses to move. After leaving her for 20-30 seconds she'll move on but do it further down the road.

My little one has 'developed' this, she started doing it last year for a few months, drove me mad because she used to be grand, then suddenly every 3 houses she'd lie down and I'd have to coax her!
She's kinda gone out of it, I used to try jogging for the start of the walk because she was less likely to stop (obviously you can't do that with your pup yet). And you can only bring her for walks in relation to her age.

It's natural though because all the new sounds and sights are different to her, buses and trucks and bikes all flying past may be startling.
But it's good to get her used to them, don't coddle her too much when she stops, try and be firm but reassuring with 'come on, let's go' or whatever phrase you have. You could also try maybe having treats in your pocket and she could keep up with you for the scent. (I'm no trainer! others probably have better advice).

With my Daisy what I do now is keep walking, and say 'I'm going without you Daisy, byyyyyyyyyeeeeeee' and she legs it (like a child would haha).

I think a lot of people think, ooh a cute puppy yes! (and this is no slight on your OH btw) It's just like babies, they're so cute and make you laugh but you forget about all the training and the mess and the crying, and the fact you can't hand them back.
With our Daisy it was a bit stressful, up at night, toilet training, regular training, learning (both her and us) but it's so worth it. (her & Lily are asleep at the end of my bed right now, we're not long back from a walk)

You get to help guide your dog, and it's so much easier from a pup. Our Lily we got when she was a year&half old and tbh I don't know how well she'd been treated, she's still got some quirks we can't undo. With Daisy, you can do what you like & she doesn't care, because we've brought her up that way.

A week is a very short time to adjust, and all the mad stuff happens in the first few weeks and it can test you but I do hope your OH will give Holly a chance, because I'll bet all the love you get in return will outdo anything bad.

Sigma Force

If your OH gives it some time she will learn to get used to the pups ways and tell her it won't go on forever pups grow out of their pooping and peeing etc. but any animal will bring in some dirt as will people with their shoes it's more important to have a relaxed home than a prestine home.
It will take time but if she can get over this hurdle she will be so glad you guys kept the dog on. Start thinking of the dog as a family member rather than a little mess maker once that connection is made by your partner life will be a lot easier. It's very common for one member of the family to not take to a new pet this happens all the time with people but eventually it will be weird to her if the dog suddenly isn't there the dog will become part of the furniture in no time.

Pups grow up fast enjoy the naughty playful time, you'll suddenly realise pup has grown up and you missed it. One thing that can help is when either of you come home expect poop and pee, expect a mess, once the mess doesn't become a suprise the stress of having to deal with it will lessen. Have a mop and bucket at the ready so you know what you are facing. Then one day you will come home and the pup will have no made a mess and you'll suddenly realise you're over another hurdle.

DBB

OP, have you any friends with a nice, steady adult dog who your pup could walk with? It could really help her feel more confident by following another dog's example.
As others have said, everything is new and a bit scary now, so try just sitting with her near a busy road, doing nothing in particular. Every time a car or lorry or bike passes, make a joke of it by jollying her up and making chicken (or other nyummy treats) rain from the skies above her :-)
She'll learn to LOVE going out, but for now, do things nice and slowly, and if you can get a friend with a steady adult dog, so much the better.

houndsoflove

Maybe your other half thinks the dog comes first and she comes second :eek:

anniehoo

Ah my heart just jumped reading this. Kintaaaaaaro???!!!! You know you're being to way too impulsive on this dont you?!! Its only been a week for flip sake. The poor little mite has barely had a chance to get to know you let alone get her head around where/when shes meant to poo & pee.

Im not being funny but your OH is being ridiculous. So shes house proud, yet doesnt spend any time in the living room (where the dogs allowed), but mainly upstairs (where the dogs not allowed?) When is she actually spending anytime with her if thats the case? All of us with animals dont live in pig styes. Im house proud too. You can have animals and have a clean house aswell.It takes effort. For that matter owning an animal fullstop is effort.

It sounds like you're tying yourself in knots here trying to please both of them and its not working. As said to you before you dont need to spend every waking minute with the dog. You need to establish a routine (thats not going to happen in a week), you need to involve your OH more and tell her to chill out re: the dirt. God help her if she had a hyper long haired dog i tell ya.

Im not going to sugar coat this. You need to give it AT LEAST a month, dont be so uptight on how much time you're spending with her (it sounds like you yourself needs to ease off and relax a bit and let her settle herself), tell your OH that a week is ridiculously soon (really ridiculous) to be giving her back and that you are trying for at least another few weeks.You know this is the classic " a dogs for life, not just for christmas" scenario dont ya, which im sure you wouldve scorned anyone else who gave up on a puppy so soon.

Give it time! If you come back to us in a few weeks time and you still feel the same then we'll understand, but right now you just need to get on with it quite frankly!

planetX

On the other hand OP works very long hours, so if your girlfriend isn't on board this isn't going to work. If you don't get home till 7pm that's not a lot of time, especially if you have to split it because you can't all be together. After so long alone it's not really fair to ignore the dog in the evening.
And your dog looks like an angel but it's only 4 months, not even starting to chew in earnest, to swipe things off counters, and increasing energy to burn off.
My pup was the exact same on walks for the first weeks, he was scared and would refuse to move. I had a pocketful of treats and would lure him on a few steps so that it was my decision to turn around. For ages we didn't go further than a few houses down, then something just kicked in with him and we were off - can't walk him enough now.

portgirl123

this case shows why that before anyone commits to taking a pup/dog, where ever its rescue/buy one, all the family need to agree. as this shows if one aint happy then nobody is happy esp the dog. i think as others have said on this post that you may sit down with your other half with no distruptions and talk it all through. its a pity it wasnt done before dog was brought home. while i agree a week is no way long enough to sort any problems out and to let poor doggie settle i think if your other half aint happy and wont try and give it time i doubt its going to work and while i hate saying it maybe it would be better for dog to be brought back to the rescue. there is no point in trying to make her change her mind if she really doesnt want the dog because id imagine she will only grow to recent the dog which is not fair on the dog. if you think that time will help then go for it but if you really think your partner is not going to be happy i think it would be better to return her now instead of when you and the dog have really bonded.

DBB

planetX wrote: »

On the other hand OP works very long hours, so if your girlfriend isn't on board this isn't going to work. If you don't get home till 7pm that's not a lot of time, especially if you have to split it because you can't all be together. After so long alone it's not really fair to ignore the dog in the evening.

This is the bit that concerns me most. OP, you told me above that Holly spends 6 hours alone per day... Is this entirely accurate? Does it include the time Holly spends alone even though your wife is in the house?
Presumably, the rescue you got her from were delighted that Holly had got a home where there's someone home all day, indeed, perhaps this is why they let you adopt her, full stop.
But if Holly is spending long hours alone downstairs, whilst your OH is upstairs, it amounts to nobody being in the house at all. I don't believe the rescue would have agreed to this arrangement, because no rescue would adopt a pup out to a home unless there was someone with the pup for a lot of the time.
So, OP, whilst I'm all for you giving Holly a real, proper chance, it is on condition that your wife steps up to the mark and takes responsibility for this little life that she agreed to commit to. I'll be blunt, if someone pulled this on one of my rescue dogs, I'd be very annoyed about it, because when someone says they're at home most of the time, the implication is that the pup is not going to be abandoned to amuse herself all day.
You've a lot to talk about with your wife, but really, if she is only going to be half hearted about this, and Holly is going to be left alone for long hours for the foreseeable, then for her sake, bring her back to the rescue.

planetX

The rescue I used encouraged me to consider it as fostering for the first while - it's hard to know whether to say stick it out, it's only been a week, but it's much worse to return the dog after months. Apparently 18 months is the peak age for rehoming/abandoning dogs. So you have to make up your mind whether you're in for the long haul. Eventually the lazy hound stereotype is going to kick in......I hope, mine is hyper.

anniehoo

portgirl123 wrote: »

there is no point in trying to make her change her mind if she really doesnt want the dog because id imagine she will only grow to recent the dog which is not fair on the dog. if you think that time will help then go for it but if you really think your partner is not going to be happy i think it would be better to return her now instead of when you and the dog have really bonded.

+1 Kintaro, the issue here is your OH. It takes time to form a bond,it doesnt happen overnight. It took me about 2 months to actually get that with my cat. I liked him dont get me wrong, but i didnt have the same grá for him that i had with my dog.I wasnt worried as i knew it'd take time to learn his little quirks and to figure out his personality etc It happened though without me realising it and when i let him outside for the first time, i was like an anxious parent wondering if he'd come back. It was then i knew i was "head over heels"

Sure, one of my good friends didnt even bond with her child for weeks and weeks after he was born. Her child!!! Again, she wasnt worried as it happens all the time with people. Instant love doesnt just happen for everyone and shouldnt be rushed or worried about.It gradually happens,sometimes without realising it...then "bam" you know you'd do anything for them.

Set yourself a time limit,say the end of January.If you both still feel the same then give her back. Thats more than enough time for your OH to come around i think and relax with the house issues. It'll also still mean Holly will still be young enough to have the "cute factor" of a puppy and bond again with another family.

The Sweeper

planetX wrote: »

Apparently 18 months is the peak age for rehoming/abandoning dogs. So you have to make up your mind whether you're in for the long haul. Eventually the lazy hound stereotype is going to kick in......I hope, mine is hyper.

That 18 months thing is the saddest thing in the world. My dog was essentially anybody's dog up to the age of about 15-16 months. He'd greet the postman with the same gusto with which he greeted me. He was also a headstrong, stubborn, wilful pain in my ass up to that point.

He's now nearly 20 months old and he's great. He's still really friendly to random people, which means everyone who meets him loves him and even people frightened of dogs end up in the 'Ah but yeah, not dogs like him though' camp. The difference is he's properly my dog now - but the turning point really was around the 18 month mark. If I'd given him up, I really would have missed out on all the good stuff.