At what age do you stop going home for christmas

somefeen

I always reckoned it was any age as soon as you have your own kids. I dont have kids but herselfs parents live in a completely different country to mine so **** knows what we would do. Last year she went home and I spent christmas alone rather than go back to Ireland.
Would it be weird if you were married with kids and still went your seperate ways for christmas?

TheZohanS

Home? Damn...that's another kick in the face to those of us that are adopted.

Shelga

Never!

Gran Hermano

TheZohan wrote: »

Home? Damn...that's another kick in the face to those of us that are adopted.

So you're not a red-head then?

phasers

Never!

Jesus Wept

TheZohan wrote: »

Home? Damn...that's another kick in the face to those of us that are adopted.

Adopted?! Chance would be a fine thing.

TheZohanS

Gran Hermano wrote: »

So you're not a red-head then?

A red-head? WTF? I have a soul thank you very much.

Palytoxin

I don't know, but we have to do the rounds every Christmas day to see the Grandparents, whatever one of the aunties they got invited to, so it's probably going to be never for my parents:)

FearDark

TheZohan wrote: »

Home? Damn...that's another kick in the face to those of us that are adopted.

Way to needlessly drag a thread down... :rolleyes:

I don't go "home" for Christmas either, my parents don't celebrate it. Meh.

Saila

eleventy...wtf like whenever you/they want dont want

moco

Yea I think it would be strange! We were just discussing this in work the other day. I don't ever want to be away from home at Christmas, it's just not the same in somebody else's house.

I'm engaged and we both go to our own parents house for Christmas, then he drives up to mine (5 hours away) the day after st Stephens day, stays a day or two then we both go to his town for NYE. We'll probably still do this when we're married (maybe) for the first year, but once we have children we're going to have to go to one parents or the other, and swap round each year.

I might otherwise ask both sets of parents to our house (if we ever get one) but then there's the problem of having to also ask non-married siblings too. Complicated!

Saila

somefeen wrote: »

Would it be weird if you were married with kids and still went your seperate ways for christmas?

very.

ThePower11

The ice age

hondasam

Christmas is just one day and it's nice if families are together but it's not the end of the world if people decide to do their own thing.
I know married people who each go home to their parents houses for Christmas.

Saila

moco wrote: »

but then there's the problem of having to also ask non-married siblings too. Complicated!

what? its your family, you dont have to be a part of a couple for christmas with your family of all things :rolleyes:

moco

Saila wrote: »

what? its your family, you dont have to be a part of a couple for christmas with your family of all things :rolleyes:

What? If you read what I said, you'll see I don't spend Christmas with my fiancé. I'm saying when we have kids it'll be complicated going to one house or the other when both sets of parents want us at home. What's your problem with that?

hondasam

moco wrote: »

Yea I think it would be strange! We were just discussing this in work the other day. I don't ever want to be away from home at Christmas, it's just not the same in somebody else's house.

I'm engaged and we both go to our own parents house for Christmas, then he drives up to mine (5 hours away) the day after st Stephens day, stays a day or two then we both go to his town for NYE. We'll probably still do this when we're married (maybe) for the first year, but once we have children we're going to have to go to one parents or the other, and swap round each year.

I might otherwise ask both sets of parents to our house (if we ever get one) but then there's the problem of having to also ask non-married siblings too. Complicated!

OMG you are making a mountain out of a molehill. when you get married do your own thing. non married siblings ? what is that about? what will yo do when your parents die?

kylith

Whenever you want. It took me ages to get my parents to believe me when I said that I'm perfectly happy to spend Christmas in my own house than spending 3 hours on a train so we can all sit around and stare at each other for the day.

later12

This Christmas will be the third Christmas of my life I'm spending away from home. I live in London and I'm spending it with some more like minded people (less turkey, more beer).

I don't think you need to go to the trouble of marrying and having children to spend this day with some of your unrelated loved ones.

somefeen

hondasam wrote: »

OMG you are making a mountain out of a molehill. when you get married do your own thing. non married siblings ? what is that about? what will yo do when your parents die?

Christ captain bring down or what

Glenster

somefeen wrote: »

I always reckoned it was any age as soon as you have your own kids. I dont have kids but herselfs parents live in a completely different country to mine so **** knows what we would do. Last year she went home and I spent christmas alone rather than go back to Ireland.
Would it be weird if you were married with kids and still went your seperate ways for christmas?

The year you stop referring to your parents house as home is the year you stop going there for christmas.

hondasam

somefeen wrote: »

Christ captain bring down or what

Sorry :pac::pac:
All this fuss over one dinner and who to invite.

moco

hondasam wrote: »

OMG you are making a mountain out of a molehill. when you get married do your own thing. non married siblings ? what is that about? what will yo do when your parents die?

Christmas is the only time of the year when all my family are together.

I'm saying if I were to ask both sets of parents for Christmas I'd have to ask my sisters too, since I'd be taking away their usual place to go!

I presume when my parents die I'll spend Christmas elsewhere, but luckily that hasn't happened yet:/

Saila

moco wrote: »

What? If you read what I said, you'll see I don't spend Christmas with my fiancé. I'm saying when we have kids it'll be complicated going to one house or the other when both sets of parents want us at home. What's your problem with that?

ok, but what has that got to do with your siblings which are your brothers and sisters, Im only responding to what you said which is what my post is about

flutterflye

I haven't gone home for christmas since I had my first child 8 years ago.
I was just gone 18 at the time.
We all usually have our own christmas or else go to my in laws.

Generally what people seem to do is either go to one family one year, and the other the next, or else go to one family for christmas and the other family for stephen's day.

hondasam

moco wrote: »

Christmas is the only time of the year when all my family are together.

I'm saying if I were to ask both sets of parents for Christmas I'd have to ask my sisters too, since I'd be taking away their usual place to go!

I presume when my parents die I'll spend Christmas elsewhere, but luckily that hasn't happened yet:/

your sisters are not part of your family?

Some families live in different countries and it's not possible to be together, other families have kids themselves and stay in their own homes.
Ask your parents for Christmas day and the in laws for new years day.
If I were to be with all my family on Christmas we would have to hire a hotel.

Pherekydes

Home? I am home.

When did I stop going to the parents' house? When I/we bought our own home.

mattjack

Start a family feud .... problem solved , visit no fcukers

moco

Saila wrote: »

ok, but what has that got to do with your siblings which are your brothers and sisters, Im only responding to what you said which is what my post is about

Read my post to hondasam and you should have the answer to your ponderings.

moco

hondasam wrote: »

your sisters are not part of your family?

Some families live in different countries and it's not possible to be together, other families have kids themselves and stay in their own homes.
Ask your parents for Christmas day and the in laws for new years day.
If I were to be with all my family on Christmas we would have to hire a hotel.

Yea of course, I'm just saying it means a massive crowd for dinner in what will probably be a small flat/house

not yet

When your dead........

hondasam

moco wrote: »

Yea of course, I'm just saying it means a massive crowd for dinner in what will probably be a small flat/house

When you get married and have your own home you and your husband might want to have dinner there and visit parents later in the day.
It's not such a big deal tbh, personally the more the merrier for me.
I am not going to be in my own house this year which will be a bit weird but it will be different.

moco

hondasam wrote: »

When you get married and have your own home you and your husband might want to have dinner there and visit parents later in the day.
It's not such a big deal tbh, personally the more the merrier for me.
I am not going to be in my own house this year which will be a bit weird but it will be different.

We live in London, parents live 5 hours apart in different areas of Ireland so it's not really possible to spend a few hours in one house, a few in the other.

mfceiling

Fcukin wife wants to go to her mothers on Xmas morning...why??
I'm nearly fcukin 40 with 3 small kids...what in the name of Jesus do I want to start packing bags, toys, kids etc and then drive an hour to look at my in laws and all for a free meal.
Jesus Christ I won't even have control of the tele remote...the singular most important part of Xmas day.
Seriously good row brewing here...

Katgurl

Are people actually sayign when they are married with kids they will still depart from their own families and go to their mammies? WTF??? Couldn't you host christmas and invite your parents over?

moco

Katgurl wrote: »

Are people actually sayign when they are married with kids they will still depart from their own families and go to their mammies? WTF??? Couldn't you host christmas and invite your parents over?

Yea, I think that's what we'll be doing.

hondasam

moco wrote: »

We live in London, parents live 5 hours apart in different areas of Ireland so it's not really possible to spend a few hours in one house, a few in the other.

In that case you should be with your family and your BF with his, ye are together all year, ye will both have time to catch up with brothers and sisters etc. assume ye are only home for a week.
Come home and enjoy your break and stop worrying about Christmas dinner.:)

hondasam

mfceiling wrote: »

Fcukin wife wants to go to her mothers on Xmas morning...why??
I'm nearly fcukin 40 with 3 small kids...what in the name of Jesus do I want to start packing bags, toys, kids etc and then drive an hour to look at my in laws and all for a free meal.
Jesus Christ I won't even have control of the tele remote...the singular most important part of Xmas day.
Seriously good row brewing here...

Put your foot down and tell her NO, come back and tell us how you got on:p

moco

hondasam wrote: »

In that case you should be with your family and your BF with his, ye are together all year, ye will both have time to catch up with brothers and sisters etc. assume ye are only home for a week.
Come home and enjoy your break and stop worrying about Christmas dinner.:)

That's what I said we're doing! We always go to our own families for Christmas. I'm only forseeing this changing when we have kids.

Katgurl

moco wrote: »

Yea, I think that's what we'll be doing.

What will you be doing? Going to your mammy's or inviting them over?

What woman would respect her husband that left to go home to his mammy? Unless of course she WANTED to spend her life married to a teenager.

starlit

Always home for Christmas except the odd year I might not!

hondasam

Katgurl wrote: »

What woman would respect her husband that left to go home to his mammy? Unless of course she WANTED to spend her life married to a teenager.

This only happens if mammy is a better cook.

moco

Katgurl wrote: »

What will you be doing? Going to your mammy's or inviting them over?

What woman would respect her husband that left to go home to his mammy? Unless of course she WANTED to spend her life married to a teenager.

We're happy going to separate parents houses now, but when babbies come along I think I'll invite both families to our house.

I do the cooking in my mum's house anyway, so It'll just be same dinner, different house. :pac:

ICANN

Last year I went home for Christmas and my parents weren't there. Feckin great Christmas- went over to my grandparents for dinner and watched about 12 films in peace.

somefeen

Just to add to this.
I will never live in herselfs hometown and I will never go there for christmas.
This thread explains it.:pac: Im an antisocial bastard.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=75080524

csi vegas

All depends, everyone's circumstances are different.

It wouldn't be weird to separate on Christmas Day in the early stages of a relationship, when you don't really know one another all that well/don't live together.

I'm posting this in the context of an entire day/overnight/few days visit. Steven's Day however is different.

Married with kids and still separate - no way (even if you don't really get on you GET ON for the kids' sake).
That'd be effectively be dumping the other, not ok unless a family member is seriously ill/incapable/elderly and otherwise entirely alone, just for the sake of visiting THEIR parent.
Why should a parent/grandparent in perfect health be more important than their grandchild or the relationship they're knowingly separating?
If a person doesn't get on with their OH's mother in law and so won't be there then I think it's very selfish to deprive a child one parent or partner their OH for the whole day.
Don't forget how sneaky some people are - I know MY OH's mother only loves to see us apart Christmas Day.
And sneakiness only gets worse with age.

My mother never cared about our Christmas as children, we were all made to leave our own home, toys and tv and go visit her mother (who had and still has my grandfather in her life and five other children, only two of whom drop by for an hour on the day).
The fights my parents had on the morning about it were blazing, him not going under any circumstances...but always did in the end, to be with us.
Not one Christmas did we spend it alone, as a family in our own house.
I don't know why to this day but my mother never even got on all that well with her mother (and only visited 2/3 times a year anyway although we only lived 5 minutes walk away)
and made me and my brother and sister feel bad about not visiting 'nanna', if we said we weren't going (even now in our 30's).
A few times I didn't go and I got calls to come up by my sis/bro.
It's f*****g awful to be honest - if I want to see MY parents Christmas Day I have to see my mother's parents too :mad:
And don't even start me on the charade that is 'licking up to mam' (on my mother's part).
We (including my dad) get told to "ssshhh! Nanna's programme is on!" and "I'm talking to my mother stay out here!" and "make your nanna a cup of tea!"
My poor dad used to see his mam for a couple of hours then diligently retreat back to 'nana's' for the rest of it, the only hope of seeing his wife and kids at all...and still to this day he goes down there, abandoned in another room by himself (cos 'nanna's' main room is where SHE wants to be and is too small to hold more than 5 people)...
IT IS UTTER FIST-BITING MISERY.

Also I don't see why a family with young kids should have to leave their own place. It's like some 'high-up' bull***t that everyones else should leave their comfort to bow down to some stubborn cow and show 'respect'.
The amount of times I got roared at for asking why can't 'nanna' call to us...

I'm in a long term relationship and live with my OH.
He always aways goes to his mothers, whereas his sister can do what she likes (usually hosts a Christmas coke & "wiiiiiiiiiiiiine" party with all her s***head friends). But the guilt he feels is epic. She's only late 50's and in perfect health (damn!) AND has her husband.
I never know what's going to happen - if I cook I know he'll end up eating HER dinner too, so as not to upset her on the one day of the year she actually cooks (and he then does be well out of action for later on) and if I don't give him DINNER NO:1 :eek: then I basically end up eating Christmas dinner alone...
And the absolute worst part of all is the struggle to get him to come back - it's impossible to get away from her on an average day as it is
"awww, where you going son?" (with croc tear in eye) and
"will you get me some milk in the shop son?" (come back with it and don't even think of leaving again although I have my OWN car and am perfectly capable of driving it) *I'm sure sneaky b!tch hides milk in washing machine*


It's sad but most certainly true that no matter HOW long you've been in a relationship, if you don't have any children you will never be regarded as an adult couple by your OH's parents, or even your own.
You don't HAVE any rights to stay alone together and probably even worse when there ARE kids
"I want to see my gran-chiiiiiiiiild, it's Chrissssmisssss!"
*says stereotype nanna-hag who just wants all her own way*
And as a couple with no kids even your OH doesn't regard you very highly on THE DAY either...
EMIGRATION: Possibly the only answer.


The important things are where to eat and how long is the visit for.
I'm thinking about my own experiences on Christmas Day and in my case we had to eat at 'nanna's' and had to stay 1pm-11pm :mad:
For a couple of hours to separate might be ok but it should never be a whole day thing, for the sake of satisfying a manipulative parent.
The one day of the year that causes flash backs and cold sweats, tension between couples and blazing rows on the morning. All the 'never agains' and 'f**k that lot'. What for? Upset your kids, upset your partner, upset yourself, for WHAT?

F**k it - now I've got all this off my chest I'm definitely not going anywhere this year. I might not even get dressed!

csi vegas

FearDark wrote: »

I don't go "home" for Christmas either, my parents don't celebrate it. Meh.

Jealous of you. You should be very grateful. And you should definitely celebrate Thanksgiving for it.

whatdoicare

Never! Even when I have kids! My mam does all the hard work cooking and what not while I stroll in and relax. Why the hell would I want to do otherwise!?

My own mam dragged us all to our grans for xmas until she was well into her 80s. My husband goes to my parents house for xmas with me as his mam has started going to his brothers for xmas and it's just less chaos for him.

So I'll be well into my 60s before I ever have to cook a turkey - yay!

prettygurrly

well i'm relishing cooking christmas dinner whenever i eventually have my own home. currently we're renting and are together 4.5 years but will separate for Christmas as per always. In fact I'm looking forward to being at home with my parents without my boyfriend...not many times in a year does that happen.
However when I'm married I will (hopefully) have kids pretty soon afterwards so maybe one Christmas will go by where we're married without kids and I would hope I will have a house by then and can have everyone over.

I feel sorry for previous posters who have horrible memories of Christmas. Makes me thankful that my parents moved really far away from all our family so we have to spend 27th or 28th visiting people instead of actual Christmas day. Our Christmas day was always quiet with nice food and good tv. Obviously there were some horrific rows as there is often on the special day but on the whole...

as for people being forced to go to various places on christmas day...there needs to be some sort of compromise there. there's nothing worse than being made to do stuff. hope it works out...