Are we too judgemental?...

Azureus

Just read this article in DM (i know, i KNOW) and it gots me a-thinkin..
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2068246/Women-born-bitchy--heres-scientific-proof.html

Do we judge eachother too quickly? Is our external image crucial to developing our social circles (ie shes too pretty I dont want her around...)

I had a conversation with some friends on a girls night out the other day. One of them got really drunk and the honesty started pouring out...she told one of the other girls was told she was 'the gorgeous girl next door' and I was told that she never asks me out when her boyfriend is around because Im 'the kind of girl you think will steal your boyfriend!'. I was shocked.

I kind of think that its only those with low self esteem that do this, but like the author of the article I often have a little bitch about people on telly etc...I just try to keep it out of real life.
Opinions?

Storminateacup

I don't think I have low self esteem but I do agree Im quick to judge girls in particular. I wouldn't focus my judgement on just pretty girls -- more the kind of girls who I believe to be slutty tramps/easy/rough.

Kinda boggling about people bitching about someone just for being goodlooking

I will be judgemental sometimes though, for example when I saw a woman at work hobbling about in thigh high boots and a little dress, with a big fur coat over her arm. Now she looked alright... but so not appropriate for work
Same for someone else wearing seethrough white trousers.

But just for being goodlooking? Nah, I take people as I find them

Azureus

Yeah that was a part of the article I found funny-the 'scientific experiment' about the girl in the low cut top, skirt and boots getting raised eyebrows. Thats not being bitchy-thats just recognising inappropriate dress sense :L

Teyla Emmagan

Well the article is pretty ridiculous, and no one with an ounce of sense would take it seriously.

Your friend on the other hand OP seems to have a much more interesting set of problems

Das Kitty

It's easy to be judgemental, I suppose it's the human way of deciding where we fit in the pecking order.
I had lunch with a friend of mine last week, another woman was back from maternity leave and looking fab and back into her old clothes. My friend basically said "That's sickening, what a bitch." I was a bit taken aback really. I'd hate to be a person who felt that another woman's body shape reflects badly on me. Then I realised that I was judging my friend for her reaction!

I know for a fact that my husband is far more judgemental than I am though.
It's something that I'm trying to eliminate in myself as much as possible. The thoughts come to me and I remind myself that I wouldn't like to be judged in that way. It's more to do with lifestyle choices than appearance that I find myself thinking "wtf?" about people.

Am I more judgemental about other women than men though?

It's a tough one, I do feel more dissapointed in other women's actions that I don't like than I would if it were a man. However I think I'm far more likely to forgive things of women in general and less likely to write them off than I would a man who I disliked initially. Quite a few of my female friends are people who I took a bad first impression of, I can't remember the last time that happened with a guy.

dead one

Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.

LeeHoffmann

1. Nearly all women feel threatened by an attractive peer....Therefore they are ''genetically pre-programmed" to bitch about other women...:rolleyes: wow, I feel sorry for this woman.

2. The assumption that nearly all men don't feel threatened by an attractive peer.

3.

I doubt any woman, who is being truly honest, will be at all surprised by these findings.

ah the old shame them into submission - 'you're a liar if you disagree with me'. :rolleyes:

4. Well, it is the daily mail

5.

I’m not being a jealous bitch. I’m fulfilling my genetic destiny.

You are being a bitch.

6.

I was told that she never asks me out when her boyfriend is around because Im 'the kind of girl you think will steal your boyfriend!'.

I think you need more info here to decide whether this is being judgemental or insecure - i.e. did she say it in a jokey way? Did she mean that she thinks you're the 'type' who steals her friends boyfriends? It seems obvious she's trying to prevent you and her boyfriend meeting because of her own insecurities. There's a myriad of reasons why she could be insecure - perhaps she's quite unattractive-looking, perhaps past boyfriends have cheated, perhaps her friends have stolen her boyfriends before, perhaps her current boyfriend looks at or talks about pretty women to her a lot.

7. Are we too judgemental?...Human beings are certainly very judgemental. Are women more judgemental than men? No, I don't think so. Are women more judgemental of other women than men? Maybe. I don't think I am. I think men tend to be more physically aggressive, while women are aggressive in subtler ways like excluding or giving dirty looks. I also think that we tend to have different expectations of people based on their gender (e.g. if a female friend forgot a birthday or was late to a party, a lot of people would be pissed at her because she seems inconsiderate or selfish etc. If a male friend did the same I think a lot of people would cut him more slack)

Giselle

That articles author sounds like a right piece of work.

I notice other women's looks if they're pretty, or if they've a great outfit, or as someone else says if they're dressed inappropriately but I never verbalise a negative impression.I don't seek people out to viciously take them apart and number their flaws to make myself feel good (how does that even work?).

I do judge people on their attitudes - if someone outs themselves as being ignorantly sexist/racist etc, I'm not going to think too much of them.

That 'experiment' is ridiculous anyway.

LeeHoffmann

I don't seek people out to viciously take them apart and number their flaws to make myself feel good

ah you're not being honest now

(according to the author) :pac:

Giselle

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

ah you're not being honest now

(according to the author) :pac:

Of course you're right - I'm a bitch AND a liar

LeeHoffmann

well at least it's not your fault, you're genetically pre-programmed to be that way

Ickle Magoo

I think the author is doing the verbal equivalent of her negative judgements - attempting to make herself feel better by trying to sell the idea that every woman is as much of a bitch as she is.

I can't remember ever looking around a bus or train and noting everyone's faults. My thoughts would be rambling along something like..."Oh, he's cute...nice tie/shirt combo *makes mental note for husbands birthday*...oooooohhh, I am loving that hair colour *makes mental note to get to the hairdresser pronto*....wow, that's a very short skirt, I wonder if she knows that creep is getting his jollies - ugh....wow, she's got a gorgeous figure *remembers that donut last night and inwardly sighs* etc, etc.

The are always going to be people better looking, cleverer and more successful than me - what's the point in hating them for it? Why not use that energy to make myself better?

I think my negative judgements are reserved for people who make me uncomfortable, either when they approach or are inappropriate in some way - but mostly when people open their mouths and say something worth being judged on.

Da Shins Kelly

I don't think I'm too judgemental of people on just seeing them -looks, etc. - unless they're making a show of themselves or something.

strobe

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

2. The assumption that nearly all men don't feel threatened by an attractive peer.

I'd say that's certainly true. Certainly way more common amongst women than men, in any rate.

But I think it can exhibit in different ways in different people and be present in some people more than others.

I'd also agree with Azureus that it seems to be more prevalent in people with lower self esteem/self confidence.

LeeHoffmann

when I say attractive, I didn't mean just physically attractive. Most people would agree that good looks are more important to men than to women with regards to the opposite sex. Other things like confidence, sense of humour, wealth, popularity, physical skill etc come into play re: attractiveness. I think that men would be less likely to be threatened by an attractive man who was their friend but equally threatened by an attractive man they didn't know.

Dudess

The most negativity I'd feel towards a woman with an amazing body (looks don't matter to me as much - but then again I am happy with how my face looks, but not happy with my body) is a bit of envy.

Hate towards attractive women? Some women are that bitter, but not the majority in my experience.

The author of that article is a muppet.

I don't get why some folks get bothered by the age of a woman if she's wearing a sexy-ish outfit - if she's got the bod, so what?

And I lol eternally at "Women can be awful bitches"... when it's said by a woman.

Kanoe

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I can't remember ever looking around a bus or train and noting everyone's faults. My thoughts would be rambling along something like..."Oh, he's cute...nice tie/shirt combo *makes mental note for husbands birthday*...oooooohhh, I am loving that hair colour *makes mental note to get to the hairdresser pronto*....wow, that's a very short skirt, I wonder if she knows that creep is getting his jollies - ugh....wow, she's got a gorgeous figure *remembers that donut last night and inwardly sighs* etc, etc.

mine are more like.."shít, did i turn the cooker off..lock the door, wonder if boss will be down tomorrow, hope everything is in order, what didn't I do..what needs to be done..crap I must go shopping later". I don't really notice people too much, I'm probably the vacant looking droid sitting opposite you staring out the window.

Ickle Magoo

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I can't remember ever looking around a bus or train and noting everyone's faults.

I always wonder what the other people are like, how their morning went, where they're going, what are they like when they're around their colleagues or friends and not sitting quietly on a bus... that sort of thing and then "oh i like that coat" or "i wonder how she got her hair like that, i wish mine would behave" etc

LittleBook

Well she's right about one thing ... she is a bitch.

Funny, I was watching Modern Family only yesterday and thinking how I would LOVE to have "Gloria" as a friend, she's frickin' fantastic.

I'm genuinely baffled when I read stuff like this and see people (women and men) agreeing with it. My friends and I were never like this as teenagers, we're not like this now and my own teenage daughter is a million miles away from this.

ICANN

I think reality tv has made everyone very very judgemental. We bring people up and tear them down so quickly. I think there are bitchy women AND men maybe they just go about it in a different way.

Ickle Magoo

But I don't watch reality TV...neither do loads of other people...

Princess Peach

I always admit I'm very judgmental of other girls. I'll judge them by what they wear and how the behave. Can't really explain why I do it. I guess I keep high standards for myself and judge girls who don't fit into my expectations of how we should behave?

It was sooo hard biting my tongue in the pub the other night listening to my friend who once again has gone back to her ass hole f*ck buddy. He treats her so badly but she likes the sex. I just wanted to shout at her to have more respect for herself and take a cold shower. She did not take it well when I said she should ask him to have an STI test before sleeping with him. But she should!

I judge guys on this behavior too though. Plenty of man sluts around.

amacachi

bluewolf wrote: »

I always wonder what the other people are like, how their morning went, where they're going, what are they like when they're around their colleagues or friends and not sitting quietly on a bus... that sort of thing and then "oh i like that coat" or "i wonder how she got her hair like that, i wish mine would behave" etc

"****, he's wearing a suit on a bus at 7am and he definitely looks younger than me!" That's the only way I'm judgemental. :pac:

MissFlitworth

I know I'm seriously judgey of the Daily Mail & their interpretation of scientific studies. Flicking through that article & it sounds like they had a goo at the abstract and based the whole article on that (but, ya know, ignored this line 'intrasexual competition among males of different species, including humans, is well documented' because you can't snidely call women bitches so easily if you quote the bit that says that males are known for it). I wish Ben Goldacre hadn't given up journalism for a bit, I miss him taking tabloid articles on scientific studies to sh1t.

I genuinely couldn't imagine sitting on the train in the morning having a good sneer at people. I'm more worried about what potential food or toothpaste stains are about my person I do judge the lady who wrote that article mind you, she sounds like an awful, awful wagon.

LeeHoffmann

I know I'm seriously judgey of the Daily Mail & their interpretation of scientific studies.

I'd judge you if you weren't. That's just good sense

On the train in the morning, I'm generally thinking things like - is there a pregnant lady somewhere I should give my seat to?, that woman always talks too loud, that guy better move over to his own seat or he'll be getting my elbow in his side for the rest of the journey, wondering about some current social issue (the Euro etc), why's that guy looking at me? - I hope my fly's up!, that poor man is wrecked (there's always a few who can't stay awake) - the work/life balance is seriously fooked up, a three day weekend would be far more balanced, that woman has lovely hair/that man has a nice tie, and then mentally run through my 'to do' list....the only judgemental part I see is about the loud talkers but there is one woman on the train every day who bellows in a thick Scottish accent so she stands out. Would be strange to look around at pick out everyone's physical flaws

Honey-ec

You all get the train? Gawd, that's, like, sooooo pitiful...

LenaClaire

I usually play the game of what is the person thinking or what is their life like when I am on the bus rather than judging. Unless there is a woman putting on eye make up while the bus is moving and then I worry she is going to stick her mascara in her eye.

Sometimes, I think I get a little judgmental but it is more along the lines of... wow, she has a lovely figure and what a great dress, if she just stood up straight she would look fantastic. And then I realize I sound just like my mother in my own head. Scary.