Where do I go from here. Feeling hopeless

Charisma

This is a very long story and Im hoping some one somewhere can help me. Im at my wits end and dont know where to turn. I was diagnosed with cancer in Feb 2009 in my lymphnodes in the neck. I had 9 lymphnodes removed and my left tonsil.I was given chemo and radio as a precaution as what they found was microscopic but I was told they felt that it would be wise.
Anyway it was hell through the radiotherapy but I came out the other side with not too many problems other than a very tender mouth. I had been working on and off through my treatment as I was OK up to the last two weeks and 6 weeks after.
Six months after treatment I was feeling well if still a little sore in the mouth and a bit tired. I had been scanned and clear and was back in work almost full time by Dec 2009 and feeling really good mentally and physically considering. Then it started to go wrong. I began to feel very tired and had strange sensations in the right side of my chest (the treatment was to the left neck). I ended up calling a doc to my home on New Years day 2010 who said I had bronchitis and gave me an antibiotic.I went back to work a week later but only lasted a week and I went out sick. I went back to my oncologist who admitted me to hospital where I had a load of tests done- all clear for cancer which was a great relief. There were some slightly enlarged lymphnodes in my chest which they said were a result of the radiotherepy and would shrink in time.There was also a slight leaky heart valve which I was told was nothing to worry about. I was delighted to be clear for cancer but it left me still feeling rotten and no cause. As I hadnt taken much time off work during the year I had my treatment I was advised to take a few months off untill I felt better which I did. After 6 months the symptoms were worse. Tightness in the right chest area, very bad palpitations, weakness, shooting pain in my head and a general feeling of illness.I kept going back to my oncologist who decided that it was all stress related and some form of depression and post traumatic stress and sent me off to a psychiatrist and a counsellor. I didnt feel they were right but with nothing else to work on I went with their diagnosis and I attended both and was put on various anti depressants over the space of 12 months none of wich helped and one which made me feel really depressed.I also had counselling and did lots of spititual work, life changes and meditation and exercises to improve my health. None of this made any difference at all. I accepted the fact at that stage that I had to go back to work or go long term illness as I was out of money and clocking up credit card debt to cover the medical bills.. All my savings were gone on consultants and medication so I went back to work part time but continued to get worse. I developed a problem with my leg. It began with a sharp pain in my groin and my leg collapsing when I was walking .At the same time as this happened I developed 2 skin openings in my gum with bone exposed and began to attend the dentist. Apparently this is a side effect of my radiation caused by lack of blood flow to the bone causig it to die and the gum opens to try to expel the dead bone. I went to see the consultant who gave me the radiotherapy and he said that it would be unusual for that to be the case with my gum as it is on the opposite side to where I was treated but later wrote to my dentist saying it was possibly the cause. This will be with me for life. Between the palpitations, the tightness in my chest, the dizziness, tiredness, pains shooting down my legs, the mouth problem and now the leg problem I couldnt cope. The only time I wasnt in great discomfort was when I was lying down. I could feel my life closing down as i became less and less able to function normaly. In desperation I went back to my oncologist yet again in mid 2011 and he took me into hospital for more tests. There were bone scans done and they didnt show the openings in my mouth. I had to point them out to him. He said the scans showed nothing . The lymphnodes in my chest werent mentioned nor was the leaky heart valve.
The tests that were done the second time were all done when I had been lying down in a hospital bed for hours. My problems with my chest are there lying down now as Im getting worse, but its when I stand or moove around it gets bad.
Ive had to give up looking for help from my doctor and consultants as Im up to my neck in debt paying doctors and getting nowhere.
I now can barely walk at all other than to shuffle about the house or office. My groin and left leg are very sore. I get shooting pains down my legs- into my knees, down my shins and in my ankles if Im on my feet for any length of time. This also happens when I lie down for a half an hour or so then they go away. My ankles get slightly puffy if Im on my feet for long.
My arms feel week and shaky as if the muscles are vibrating and it hurts to lift anything .Im now getting mild shooting pains under my arms into my breasts which are like the leg pains when they began at first and I feel like someone has kicked me in the chest.There is also a horrible taste in my mouth and a really bad smell off my breath but apparently there is nothing wrong with me. My legs feel shaky and I am unable to much at all and getting worse by the day. I barely manage to wash myself and go to work. Luckily I have a desk job and my employer is very understanding as his partner had cancer. My life consists of doing as little as possible as the more I do the more uncomfortable I become. I go to work, sit at my desk, come home and sit around the house thats it. I cant shop for the house or even do the heavier housework and I just fell like Im in hell and dont know what to do now. I have gone back to my doctors over and over again with no answers. I can feel depression comming on now. I look at my life and Its barely an exsistence. I have beautifull grandchildren I so want to spend time with and I cant even take them in my arms. I have a very understanding but fustrated husband who may as well be single as he has to do everything on his own and doesnt know where to turn anymore. I have a mum who is in bad health and need me and I cant be there for her.
Im flat broke after forking out again and again. If I had a condition that has me like this I could justify my inactivity and perhaps get some support but no one is finding anything so I have to try to carry on normal life and am really struggling now. Im a very positive person and have done many holistic thing to try to help myself but physicall its not doing any good. I feel like my life is over. I feel like my body is shutting down bit by bit and Im fearfull for the future and also fearfull that if in the future my cancer comes back it wont be seen untill its too late. Is there anywhere else I can go for help, diagnosis or support that doesnt involve more doctor bills or useless expensive pills.

Barry.Oglesby

Hey,

it sounds like you're really going through something that no one on here will be qualified to help you with. You sound vulnerable right now and luckily there are a number of free services you can avail of that will be able to help you.

www.aware.ie offer services to those going through what you are right now. I know you probably don't think this is for you but you don't have to have had a history of depression or poor mental health to need a helping hand.

It sounds like you've been through a lot, and you obviously have great strength to have done so well so far. There are people who can help such as aware.

Best of luck.

Charisma

Hi , many thanks for the reply but its not mental help I need. My body feels like is closing down bit by bit. I can barely walk with the pain in my legs and back and am in bad pysical pain with my chest and completley breathless any time I try to do anything. ff as a board and my muscles are getting weaker and weaker.I feel like my head is going to burst open with the pressure when I stand up. No body Ive been to can tell me whats going on. the best they offered is knock the socks of me pain killers which help a bit with the pain but not the weakness, preassure feelings and breathlessness. Im at my wits end and my life has become so closed that its getting me down and i dont know what to do next.

Barry.Oglesby wrote: »

Hey,

it sounds like you're really going through something that no one on here will be qualified to help you with. You sound vulnerable right now and luckily there are a number of free services you can avail of that will be able to help you.

www.aware.ie offer services to those going through what you are right now. I know you probably don't think this is for you but you don't have to have had a history of depression or poor mental health to need a helping hand.

It sounds like you've been through a lot, and you obviously have great strength to have done so well so far. There are people who can help such as aware.

Best of luck.

Burkatron

Charisma wrote: »

Hi , many thanks for the reply but its not mental help I need. My body feels like is closing down bit by bit. I can barely walk with the pain in my legs and back and am in bad pysical pain with my chest and completley breathless any time I try to do anything. ff as a board and my muscles are getting weaker and weaker.I feel like my head is going to burst open with the pressure when I stand up. No body Ive been to can tell me whats going on. the best they offered is knock the socks of me pain killers which help a bit with the pain but not the weakness, preassure feelings and breathlessness. Im at my wits end and my life has become so closed that its getting me down and i dont know what to do next.

Barry.Oglesby wrote: »

Hey,

it sounds like you're really going through something that no one on here will be qualified to help you with. You sound vulnerable right now and luckily there are a number of free services you can avail of that will be able to help you.

www.aware.ie offer services to those going through what you are right now. I know you probably don't think this is for you but you don't have to have had a history of depression or poor mental health to need a helping hand.

It sounds like you've been through a lot, and you obviously have great strength to have done so well so far. There are people who can help such as aware.

Best of luck.

As Barry said no one here is qualified to give you advice. it's obviously not a mental condition but in times of stress even the mentally strong can do with an outlet for help, aware & other support groups are a valuable resource that can help you cope if you feel it gets too much! You've mentioned money on a number of occasions & these groups are free!

Possibly a stupid question but have you tried other Dr's,a second or third opinion might yield better results!? if they still can't give you an answer IMO I'd be heading abroad to get checked out but there's no guarantees you'll get any answers & the financial cost would be a huge factor! Hope you get answers & better OP,, good luck!!

Kanoe

Charisma wrote: »

Hi , many thanks for the reply but its not mental help I need. My body feels like is closing down bit by bit. I can barely walk with the pain in my legs and back and am in bad pysical pain with my chest and completley breathless any time I try to do anything. ff as a board and my muscles are getting weaker and weaker.I feel like my head is going to burst open with the pressure when I stand up. No body Ive been to can tell me whats going on. the best they offered is knock the socks of me pain killers which help a bit with the pain but not the weakness, preassure feelings and breathlessness. Im at my wits end and my life has become so closed that its getting me down and i dont know what to do next.

Hi, you might take a look over at the nutrition and diet forum, maybe some advice with nutrition would help. I remember reading about the raw food/juice therapies and benefits for people undergoing or recovering from cancer treatment although I'm not sure how much value there is in it, someone else could have more info/alternatives which you might find useful.

Brian?

I'm very sorry to hear about what you've been going through, but no one here can offer any medical advice. I'm going to have to lock this thread on that basis.

If I could do something else I'd love to, sorry