Cool to be kind...

Eve_Dublin

Thought the posters in here would appreciate this. Article in the British Independent about scientic evidence found to prove that being kind to others is good for our health. This cheered me up just reading it. We're designed to look out for others. With all the doom and gloom you read in the papers, you'd presume humans are instinctively selfish so and sos but perhaps it's just conditioning. We're wired to be kind to others as it's beneficial to our own health. Perhaps it's not very altruistic (as in unselfish) to be kind to others just to benefit our own health, but at least the good act is done and both people benefit.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/healthy-living/cool-to-be-kind-the-advantages-of-being-altruistic-6259543.html#

So out of curiosity, have you gone out of your way today to be kind to someone else? Do you make a mission to be kind daily? Does it affect your own happiness? What's your motivation for helping someone else?

I always help women with prams and people struggling with suitcases on the stairs of the Metro. I purposely go out of my way to give them a hand and I do feel great for doing it, I definitely feel that chemical rush after, even for a short while after.

flossie

I would happily open doors for people, help buggies etc. down stairs. I was in Paris the other week and was eating breakfast in a cafe on the street when a van on the other side pulled away and there was a homeless man with a dog. It made me feel sad and uncomfortable, so i went into the cafe afterwards, bought a couple of ham and cheese baguettes and a coffee and gave it to the man as i was leaving. A few genuine 'thank yous' form him was enough to make me feel very emotional, and actually put a spoiler on me for a few hours as i realised just how fortunate I was in life.

Today, i gave my mam some antifreeze for her car. I was in Halfords this weekend and got 15L of the stuff that goes to -20 degrees, before the rush to get it. Mam is useless on stuff like this, and drives a lot in winter, so that was my way of being kind. Oh, and making her a cup of tea

I don't want to help people just to be seen as 'cool', and i am not 100% sure i feel great after helping somebody out (see first example). I honestly feel that as a society we have stopped being aas considerate as we should be. In schools from a young age we should all be taught to be respectful, help others out without thinking (giving up seats on trains/busses, holding doors, etc.). It may not necessarily make us feel great at the time, but it could make all the difference to somebody else.

I think that makes sense - fingers got carried away with the typing!

Eve_Dublin

Had this discussion today with people and you'd be surprised how many people won't just go out of their way for these little acts of kindness.

Just came home on the Metro from work and yet again, helped another girl with her heavy suitcase. It's not the done thing here...you don't help people with their luggage and prams up steps on public transport, which to me, is plain odd. I didn't help her because I'm some do-gooder but am I wrong in thinking that'd be a pretty standard thing to do in Ireland - to help someone with their luggage up a load of steps???

Your post makes absolute sense, Flossie but I don't know if we've become less considerate. I honestly can't say if we have or haven't but I know life would be so much easier for all of us if we did these small little things for each other. Now we have scientific evidence to prove these actions make people happier...it's a win win situation.

Perhaps if everyone decided to do one act of kindness per day and logged it on this thread, we could get something going...

I don't know...the person you help is happy, you're happier...this could be the answer to the salvation of humanity!

flossie

I also like to take the mentality of "if it was me in that situation I would be very grateful if somebody would help me out"......

i can't really remember the stuff i do because i just do it
though you do feel good after
like chasing some women because one of them left their keys at the shop counter
or holding doors and pressing lift buttons for people whose hands are full
or "excuse me there your sports bag is leaking water all over your back"
or cliche as it is, helping little old ladies cross the road :pac:

funnily enough people are often asking me for help with buses
some guy was telling me he was starting a job in liffey valley and what bus should he get so i said oh my bus is going in that direction you can get it, then of course when you get to LV it's easy to miss if you haven't been there before so i told him where to get off. he was so happy and grateful and waved at me after getting off the bus.
that one happened a few times

Doing things for others makes me happy, that is absolutely true.

I would help people on a daily basis, I wouldn't say I go out of my way because I don't really go that far out of my way, like if I'm getting on a bus then why wouldn't I help someone else on, I'm going that way anyway. same with doors etc, sure it only takes an extra second to wait for someone who you can see coming. They are just things I do as part of every day stuff - can't really remember them because they're just done, they're not really done and remembered. Maybe giving people a lift in the snow would be sometimes slightly out of my way but that's it.

A couple of things that stick out in my head would be;

I was driving into the city centre one morning on my way to work when a car in front was stopped and I noticed the driver, a woman with no English, pulling her son from the car, he was unconcious. We waited for the ambulance to arrive and once it did went in it with her son, so I parked up my car and tried to follow the ambulance in her car so she wouldn't have to worry about getting back to Donnybrook. I asked the ambulance driver where he would take him and he said Crumlin. I arrived at the hospital an hour late (bad traffic) and it turned out the woman had insisted the child be taken to Temple St, something to do with her religion. I wanted to take the car out there but the nurse insisted I didn't as there would be nowhere to park it. So I left it in Crumlin. I eventually was able to find out that the little boy was absolutely fine and was discharged the next day!

The only other one I can really remember, because I've never seen so much thanks in anyone's eyes, others might think what I did was wrong, but it wasn't at the time. There was a homeless man outside my job, I would often give a few quid to homeless people (I have raised money for, and my Dad volunteered with the Simon Community for years), but this man was on the ground picking up cigarette butts and trying to find one with a bit left on it. So I went into the shop and bought him a breakfast roll and a cup of tea, and 20 John Player Blue. I really was so very close to tears by the man's reaction, he was delighted of course with the food but when I gave him the cigarettes he was in utter disbelief and was so so thankful. I hate smoking but jesus, if I lived like that I would need some sort of vice!!!

Eve_Dublin

Now I now I sound like a character from the Brady Bunch here but who wants to join me for a "Good deed a day" challenge? I know this all sounds a bit vommit inducing but I suppose I'm sick to the teeth of reading about so much misery in the papers that I want to actively do my bit to counteract that in some way. I don't have time to volunteer anymore because of my antisocial working hours so I want to do this instead for the time being. Even if it's something simple like giving someone a compliment. Perhaps you do it already but perhaps sometimes you don't for whatever reason. Who's with me? You can post it on this thread once it's done!

Whaddya reckon?

Das Kitty

I always do my best to be kind to other people. A lot of the things you were told as a child actually do make sense, for example "treat others how you would like to be treated." and "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."

I'd often go out of my way to make other people feel at ease, like if I see someone looking lost I'll offer to help. If I like someone's clothes I'll tell them.

I sometimes have to fight my instinct to help though, there was a puppy here lost at work and I had to nearly physically stop myself offering to take him home. I had to think of my family who aren't ready for a dog yet. It was so hard not to just pipe up "I'll take him!"

I think having compassion for others and yourself are vital for your mental health.

Das Kitty

Das Kitty wrote: »

I sometimes have to fight my instinct to help though,

YES!
My husband says "you're always trying to change the world"
I'm not that nice though. I've never gone so far as to actually do anything that could change the world

Novella

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

So out of curiosity, have you gone out of your way today to be kind to someone else?

Not today. I'm at home, sick, by myself though.
Yesterday, I had to ring a customer care line for something and at the end of the call I said, "Thanks a million for your help, I really appreciate it. Hope you have a good day." and the guy on the phone was genuinely shocked I was being nice to him. I thought that was kind of sad. It wasn't out of my way obviously, but I am always very polite and when someone helps me, even if it's part of their job, I do appreciate it and let them know. I think it's little things.

Do you make a mission to be kind daily?

I wouldn't say I make it a mission. I don't think to myself that I should do or say something to be nice. I give people compliments a lot. In fact, I get accused of being a flirt all the time for telling guy friends that I like their shoes, or their new haircut or whatever. It's not me being flirty though, I compliment girls just as much. It always picks up my day when someone is nice to me, so I hope I do the same for others.

As for doing nice? Of course I'd help someone if I saw them struggling. I saw an old man waiting for a bus in the rain one day with loads of shopping so I brought him home. I have the biggest soft spot for elderly people. I think it's 'cause I grew up with my grandparents and loved them to teeny tiny pieces. I have all the time in the world for older people. I get teased about it so much.

Does it affect your own happiness?

Yeah, big time. It makes me happy to hear that I've made someone else's day a little brighter. Or even if I don't hear it, I like the momentary bonding that comes with helping out a stranger.
I guess it's something that makes me sad too. Just the fact that I can't make things better for people in general. If that makes sense?

What's your motivation for helping someone else?

Em, tbh I couldn't be around someone who needed help and not even try.

Das Kitty

Deleted User wrote: »

YES!
My husband says "you're always trying to change the world"
I'm not that nice though. I've never gone so far as to actually do anything that could change the world

Change the little things and the world will follow.

fwiw, your posts have changed the way I think about a lot of things, I know you really inspire lots people around here, and I really believe this gets passed on down the line.

Das Kitty

Das Kitty wrote: »

fwiw, your posts have changed the way I think about a lot of things, I know you really inspire lots people around here, and I really believe this gets passed on down the line.

Holy crap I'm actually crying :eek:

That's one of the nicest things I've ever read

Thank you, I think you can say you've done your deed for the day now

Malari

I haven't really done anything today. I try to be nice in general to customers. I work in a small company and I know how difficult it is in corporations to get speaking to someone efficient. Yesterday I just went out of my way a bit to organise a delivery for a customer even though he really wasn't spending that much. I try to treat the guy spending €50 the same as the guy spending €50k.

Day's not over yet...I'll try to do something nice before bedtime!

saa

I'm nice to people, infact so nice I'm only begining to learn how not to be nice to those who are unkind to me.

Das Kitty

Deleted User wrote: »

Holy crap I'm actually crying :eek:

That's one of the nicest things I've ever read

Thank you, I think you can say you've done your deed for the day now

I didn't mean to make you cry!

Das Kitty

Das Kitty wrote: »

I didn't mean to make you cry!

Don't worry! They were only teeny warm fuzzy tears

neuro-praxis

It's nice to be nice, as they say.

I think perhaps though living a life concerned with virtue is more important than being nice. I have some grumpy friends who would lie down in traffic for me. Aristotle said that virtue is a like a muscle - the more you practice it, the stronger it gets.

I think that if we are kind and courageous and truthful in the small things then we'll be equipped to do the right thing with the large things. And that's why the small things count.

Eve_Dublin

Das Kitty wrote: »

Change the little things and the world will follow.

fwiw, your posts have changed the way I think about a lot of things, I know you really inspire lots people around here, and I really believe this gets passed on down the line.

Not sure what's wrong (or right!) with me the past few days...I got my period today so that might explain my sensitivity but I think we underestimate how even something like what you said above can impact another person. It makes you think what could happen if we all thought this way...if we all thought beyond our own needs even for a few minutes a day...how much we could change within our own communities for starters and how that'd impact society as a whole....people have probably realised this a long time ago and I suppose I considered it in passing but I suppose I've had some sort of an epiphany the past few days (or else I'm on the blob and it'll pass We'll see....)

Somebody posted this quote below the article I posted in my OP:

“It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one's life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than 'try to be a little kinder”
Aldous Huxley

Brilliant.

Angelandie

I try to be nice, I go out of my way to help people at work, I always try to help parents with kids who come into the restaurant. I bake cupcakes and bring them to work just for the sake of it, whatever makes people smile. But I does this because it makes me happy. Holding the door, helping someone with a buggy - I think that's just good manners and more people should do so

Tigger99

I've done a few random things, not always the wisest cos they could get me in trouble, but when I see someone struggling my first instinct is to help.

I was at a bus stop a few years ago and this really drunk fella was bothering (well trying to chat to, but was unknowingly really intimidating) this girl in a wheelchair who looked petrified. So i stood beside her, pretended I knew her and chatted away to her, til he rambled off. It was kinda cool actually, once I did this a couple beside me who were obviously debating whether or not to intervene, helped shoo him away once I started talking to her.

There been a few times that I was on a nightlink, downstairs where I felt safest and I'd see some randomer drunken bloke trying to chat up some girl on the bus who looks terrified. Again ive gone over and sat beside her and the fella has gone away. (Im a 5'4 girl - not much fear of me freaking them out really!).

beks101

I feel more connected to the world, more proactive and more 'present' I guess when I make an effort to be nice to people around me. So I suppose my motive for it would be somewhat selfish, but then it's all I know really, I wasn't raised to be rude or dismissive.

A few days ago I was stopped outside a subway station trawling through my wallet looking for a subway token when a foreign, elderly lady approached me. I immediately assumed she was homeless or junked up to the nines, like most people who approach you like that over here, but as I was stalled anyway I listened to her and turns out she was just lost, disorientated and looking for directions.

Turns out she was fresh off a plane from Japan, brand new to Toronto and meant to meet her daughter at a subway station the other side of the city. I gave her one of my tokens, seeing as I had lots to spare, took her down the escalator and onto the correct train. I sat with her seeing as I was going in the same direction and got off a stop early to walk her to the connecting station. Her gratitude seriously overwhelmed me. She didn't have great English but kept squeezing my hand tightly and saying 'thank you, sweet lady, God bless you God bless you'.

She told me she had been trying to stop people for half an hour before she found me and people were just walking straight passed her, which I can totally imagine. The place can be thronged with all sorts at rush hour and I'm certainly guilty of doing the same.

By the end of my time with her I saw that she was a sweet, gentle and graceful lady who was just intimidated by a big city where she didn't speak the language and it made me think of my own mother travelling alone - I'd be absolutely devastated if no-one stopped to help her out.

At the end of the day, every passer-by is someone else's mother, or father, son or daughter. It's nice to be nice, and I truly believe that if that's your life mantra, it comes back to you in some way. That's the kind of world I want to live in.

Eve_Dublin

beks101 wrote: »

I feel more connected to the world, more proactive and more 'present' I guess when I make an effort to be nice to people around me. So I suppose my motive for it would be somewhat selfish, but then it's all I know really, I wasn't raised to be rude or dismissive.

A few days ago I was stopped outside a subway station trawling through my wallet looking for a subway token when a foreign, elderly lady approached me. I immediately assumed she was homeless or junked up to the nines, like most people who approach you like that over here, but as I was stalled anyway I listened to her and turns out she was just lost, disorientated and looking for directions.

Turns out she was fresh off a plane from Japan, brand new to Toronto and meant to meet her daughter at a subway station the other side of the city. I gave her one of my tokens, seeing as I had lots to spare, took her down the escalator and onto the correct train. I sat with her seeing as I was going in the same direction and got off a stop early to walk her to the connecting station. Her gratitude seriously overwhelmed me. She didn't have great English but kept squeezing my hand tightly and saying 'thank you, sweet lady, God bless you God bless you'.

She told me she had been trying to stop people for half an hour before she found me and people were just walking straight passed her, which I can totally imagine. The place can be thronged with all sorts at rush hour and I'm certainly guilty of doing the same.

By the end of my time with her I saw that she was a sweet, gentle and graceful lady who was just intimidated by a big city where she didn't speak the language and it made me think of my own mother travelling alone - I'd be absolutely devastated if no-one stopped to help her out.

At the end of the day, every passer-by is someone else's mother, or father, son or daughter. It's nice to be nice, and I truly believe that if that's your life mantra, it comes back to you in some way. That's the kind of world I want to live in.

Fantastic. That warms the cockles of my heart. Fair play to you, girl.

histories

I don't think people always realise how much an act of kindness means to the person receiving it.

Got a flat tyre a couple of months ago, around this time I had just lost my job (not a happy parting) and was stressing out over that and college and everything else but just bottling it all up with a 'sure I'm grand' attitude. Anyway I'm driving along and the tyre goes and this small thing just sent me over the edge. Burst into tears, full on proper sobbing like.

Eventually find somewhere I can pull in and collect myself and try to change the bloody thing. Fair few people and cars going past me and no one stops. Then this couple pull up in their car and get out and your man is like I'll change that for you and I was no no you're grand I can manage but he wasn't having any of it and changed it.

That bit of help at that time when all the sh*t was going on meant so much to me. Someone going out of their way to do a decent thing like that gave me the pick up I needed. (Thank you nice couple you have no idea how mcuh your help meant to me)

Birdie086

One of the girls who I work with is Killarney - we work in Limerick and her sister emigrated to australia during the week.
She had been going up and down to Killarney on the bus on her time off to see her sis, and on tuesday on my day off I rang her when she leaving work and said was outside the bus station and gonna give her a lift (2 hours) down to save her the pain of the bus.

Drove down with my 5 year old in tow, dropped her off and drove home. Was wrecked afterwards but was worth it, just to do something nice for someone.

Often do little things but thats the biggest I did in a while.

The small thing I always do is simply engaging in conversation with people. I work in a coffee shop and sometimes people just a like chat. Ok they might be weird or off kilter or just plain lonely, I am lucky I have people to interact with but how do you know the random person you just spoke to had anyone!! There are people who go through their week without having anybody to talk to.

An act of kindness can simply be saying hello

Birdie086

I remember another time, i had just finished work on a Saturday in Limerick city and at the time I was heavily pregnant, on my way to the bus stop and Danish couple with their child in tow asked me for directions to a hostel in town.
Turns out at the time their was no hostels so I brought them to a mid range hotels, where there were no rooms, then we got out the phone book and started ringing hotels, etc, eventually got a room for them in a b and b about two miles from town, rather than give them directions and risk them gettin lost I accompanied them in the car untill they go to the b and b(complete opposite side of town from where I live).
They couldnt believe how much me and my massive bump had gone out our way for them and they wanted to bring me out to dinner as thanks.

I refused but I like to think they will remember the (slightly mad ) preggers lady in Limerick helped them.

L1ghtbulb

I am a primary school teacher and one student stands out in my mind and probably always will. He was a beautiful child, so mannerly and kind to everybody in the class and school. However his home circumstances were just awful...he never had any food, came to school starving every morning and really had nothing to his name. His mother said “He wants for nothing”, I beg to differ!

One day we were in class and I heard his belly rumbling so so loud. From that day I decided if he wasn’t being fed at home that I would have to feed him in school. We have a little kitchen in school so I asked the principal if he could have breakfast there in the mornings. I along with another teacher showed him how to make sandwiches and he used to make them after he ate his breakfast. It’s amazing the difference a bowl of Cheerio’s and a sandwich can make to a twelve year old boy.

Anyway sixth class came to an end and all the class arrived in with cards and gifts. After everybody had left he came to me and said he couldn’t afford a nice present but wanted to give me a hug for all I had done for him and that he would never ever forget it! My eyes welled up with tears as he wrapped his arms around me...it was the best and most thoughtful present I have ever gotten!

It’s the small things in life that count...

Birdie086

L1ghtbulb wrote: »

I am a primary school teacher and one student stands out in my mind and probably always will. He was a beautiful child, so mannerly and kind to everybody in the class and school. However his home circumstances were just awful...he never had any food, came to school starving every morning and really had nothing to his name. His mother said “He wants for nothing”, I beg to differ!

One day we were in class and I heard his belly rumbling so so loud. From that day I decided if he wasn’t being fed at home that I would have to feed him in school. We have a little kitchen in school so I asked the principal if he could have breakfast there in the mornings. I along with another teacher showed him how to make sandwiches and he used to make them after he ate his breakfast. It’s amazing the difference a bowl of Cheerio’s and a sandwich can make to a twelve year old boy.

Anyway sixth class came to an end and all the class arrived in with cards and gifts. After everybody had left he came to me and said he couldn’t afford a nice present but wanted to give me a hug for all I had done for him and that he would never ever forget it! My eyes welled up with tears as he wrapped his arms around me...it was the best and most thoughtful present I have ever gotten!

It’s the small things in life that count...

That there is a whole pile of AWESOMENESS, both of on your kindness and your reward

Eve_Dublin

L1ghtbulb wrote: »

I am a primary school teacher and one student stands out in my mind and probably always will. He was a beautiful child, so mannerly and kind to everybody in the class and school. However his home circumstances were just awful...he never had any food, came to school starving every morning and really had nothing to his name. His mother said “He wants for nothing”, I beg to differ!

One day we were in class and I heard his belly rumbling so so loud. From that day I decided if he wasn’t being fed at home that I would have to feed him in school. We have a little kitchen in school so I asked the principal if he could have breakfast there in the mornings. I along with another teacher showed him how to make sandwiches and he used to make them after he ate his breakfast. It’s amazing the difference a bowl of Cheerio’s and a sandwich can make to a twelve year old boy.

Anyway sixth class came to an end and all the class arrived in with cards and gifts. After everybody had left he came to me and said he couldn’t afford a nice present but wanted to give me a hug for all I had done for him and that he would never ever forget it! My eyes welled up with tears as he wrapped his arms around me...it was the best and most thoughtful present I have ever gotten!

It’s the small things in life that count...

Great story. Sob.