Neighbour slapped my child.

meitina

I'm shocked at what happened.What I need is an advice to do the right thing.
Boy age 8 got attacked and slapped in face for touching my neighbours car as it drove past.
I did not see that ,my son would not tell me anything ,as I understood ,he was frightened .
I heard it from a witness .When confronted ,the man was very sorry ,told me he did overreacted.:mad:
As far as the conversation went I said that it is very upsetting for me ,but im willing to let it go if he promises to talk to me before deciding on slapping.
Now I found that my son actually wetted himself on the spot.:mad:

Moonbeam

What exactly happened?
He touched a moving car?
Did the guy panic and hit him because he got a shock or did her hit him because he didn't want finger prints on his car?

audi a4 2008

at least he has said sorry to u,and should also say sorry to youre son,
but in the bigger picture of things why was youre son so close to the car,god forbid if he slipped /got pushed where would you be then,
also who was minding youre son while he was outside

Seth Brundle

meitina wrote: »

As far as the conversation went I said that it is very upsetting for me ,but im willing to let it go if he promises to talk to me before deciding on slapping.

How exactly will that work? Will you discuss it and if he puts forward good reasons, then he can slap your kids?

meitina

But would you firstly hit a child in face because you tought you hit passing by???
Yes ,thats what he says,and that he really did not slapped him.But my witness says otherwise.

mikemac

Could have been shock.
Neighbour was frightened and maybe afraid the child could had fallen under the car.

So just grabbed the lad and "what were you thinking???"

I'd say the driver got a bigger fright and was more shaken then your son

Leave it be

Or...........it's just past Hallowen, maybe your son make a throwing motion like they were going to throw a banger and the driver stood on the brakes and swerved.

Just throwing out my first reactions

meitina

kbannon wrote: »

How exactly will that work? Will you discuss it and if he puts forward good reasons, then he can slap your kids?

Well it so to speak.If something my son does bothers you-you talk to me,no need in hitting!

Orion

Let's see if I have this straight ...
A man slapped an 8 year old child in the face.

Is that correct?

That is assault no matter what way it is spun.

My initial reaction would be to call the guards. However, if he genuinely apologised and admitted his over-reaction then I'd let it be. He may have done it through shock that he may have hit the kid with his car because of the kid's behaviour. If you can talk to him and he accepts that what he did was unacceptable then lessons are learned and you can move on.

kbannon: I think there may be a language barrier here. I don't think the OP meant that it's ok to hit her child once you tell her about it

nesf

I think you did the right thing bringing it up with your neighbour. What would concern me would be whether there was any malice in it. I can completely understand getting a big shock in such a situation and overreacting. The important thing is to get your neighbour to apologise and make up with your son.

I really see no reason to get the Gardaí involved in this if your neighbour is genuinely sorry for what happened.

Morlar

meitina wrote: »

.... for touching my neighbours car as it drove past.
.

A lot depends on what this part actually means.

ShaunC

An 8 year old in the street as a car drives by. I think there are more serious issues than a slap to concern us all. While I don't condone anyone hitting a child that slap could save the child's life in the long run.

How Strange

I don't condone slapping but I think perhaps there are two sides to the story. In my (limited) experience of children they tend to say nothing when they've done something wrong.

The neighbour should not have hit your child, you've spoken to him and he has admitted as much. However you need to speak to your son too because if he's messing around and doing silly things which could be dangerous then he needs to know he could be hurt or killed.

You certainly shouldn't justify the slap but you should talk to your son about what happened just before.

Jerri Jordan

The neighbour was prob shaken thinking he almost hit your son.
he shouldnt have been hit but you should be telling him that its extremely dangerous to get so close to a moving car. accept the apology from the neighbour,they prob feel as bad as you with a huge amount of guilt thrown in too.

the_syco

meitina wrote: »

I did not see that ,my son would not tell me anything ,as I understood ,he was frightened

Try asking your son tomorrow what he did for the day today; asking directly he may clam up, but asking indirectly you may find out what happened.

You may also find out if/why your son decided to hit a moving car.

meitina

There is not more to read in to.the boy was standing on the green ,it is an estate not road.He stands on the green ,the car very slowly goes around a corner .the boy slaps the car with is palm on the back of the car.
the man stops the car ,jumps out ,slaps the boy across his face.
Later he said that he did not really slap him,that it look like he slapped him.
he was apologetic ,but i am not convinced ,he lied to me.
I now know ,he has hit another boy in our estate .
I know that the kids ,so is my son ,can be bit of hassle .Many times the hop around without looking ,when i drive,but not once i would lose my temper like that.

Stench Blossoms

What the man did was wrong but was probably out of shock. BUT, if he has done this before to another child I think you should report it to the Gardai.

You should teach your child that no matter how slow a moving car is going he shouldn't touch it.

mikemac

People react when they get a fright, I got knocked once and started laughing, sounds stupid but it happens. This guy gave a slap, the driver got a fright

Slap a moving car and you can slip and have your arm under the back wheel so at least that didn't happen

Your son got a fright, he won't do it again and the man apologized

Leave it be

In the long run, your son learned a lesson
Now if it was an accident and he kicked a football by mistake off a car, well that happens and I'd be furious at him getting a slap

But slapping moving cars is just not right and a bit worrying

MagicMarker

I am frankly amazed at the responses in this thread.

A grown adult got out of his car and slapped and 8 year old child in the face, but it's okay because he apologised? And he's done it before!?!

Call the guards, no ifs or buts.

rubberdiddies

MagicMarker wrote: »

I am frankly amazed at the responses in this thread.

A grown adult got out of his car and slapped and 8 year old child in the face, but it's okay because he apologised? And he's done it before!?!

Call the guards, no ifs or buts.

It's hard to know what to do in this situation without knowing all the facts from both sides.

Equally then the guards should be called as the child potentially caused criminal damage to the car.

Ok I know what the worst crime is in this case but a crime is a crime and potentially two crimes have been commited

Bullseye1

MagicMarker wrote: »

I am frankly amazed at the responses in this thread.

A grown adult got out of his car and slapped and 8 year old child in the face, but it's okay because he apologised? And he's done it before!?!

Call the guards, no ifs or buts.

And your solution for the child slapping moving cars?

MagicMarker

rubberdiddies wrote: »

It's hard to know what to do in this situation without knowing all the facts from both sides.

Equally then the guards should be called as the child potentially caused criminal damage to the car.

Ok I know what the worst crime is in this case but a crime is a crime and potentially two crimes have been commited

The OP said the guy was leaving an estate and while turning a corner slowly the kid hit the back of his car with his palm. This has happened to me in my estate and I certainly didn't get a shock that compelled me to get out and give 'em a slap and it's highly unlikely any damage was done.

giant_midget

This country is gone PC mad "call the garda" ffs...Im 30 years old and was a bold little brat when i was a child. I got the odd light slap off a neighbour and i deserved it ! I turned out fine...there is no core values in a modern estate/cul de sac/ village anymore :rolleyes:

rossc007

Let the guards sort it out, they'll have a better chance of finding out what really happened. Having said that, if someone hit my kid, I doubt I'd care what they did wrong.

staker

If as you say he has hit another kid in the estate, why are they still hitting the car as it drives by?
News travels fast among kids,last thing they're gonna do is start hitting Mr. Nasty from no. 26 car as he drives by.
You need to be sure he has done it before before allegations are made,ie testimony from that parent. If those allegations turn out to be true and your kid knew this previously, then maybe you should ask your son why he did it?
If they turn out to be false, it could get very messy indeed.

MagicMarker

Bullseye1 wrote: »

And your solution for the child slapping moving cars?

It's not violence.

davemc180

an 8 year old slapping a car is no excuse to get out and hit him,

would you think its ok if a football hit your front door to go out and start hitting the kids...

no excuse , hes 8 and dosent no better, no need to be hitting him, verbally telling him off or telling his mother would be the right option

Bullseye1

rossc007 wrote: »

Let the guards sort it out, they'll have a better chance of finding out what really happened. Having said that, if someone hit my kid, I doubt I'd care what they did wrong.

I can just imagine the child being cross examined. Have the days of people trying to resolve problems between themselves disappeared?

psychward

My first instinct is to deck the neighbour and kick his head in.

However there is the pesky and inconvenient matter of law and order. If you had been there when it happened you'd have a stronger case for putting him in hospital as it would be normal to lose all reason when your child is hit. Therefore go chat with a Garda about it and keep your cool. Put it on record that the neighbour hit a child. He may have done it before and that's why the Guards should know if there is a pattern. Lack of disclosure and information coming forward is how child abuse cases get covered up.

Bullseye1

MagicMarker wrote: »

It's not violence.

But it's dangerous. He could have slipped under the car, the driver could have panicked and crashed or had you even thought of the danger of a child being in such close proximity to a moving car.

Bullseye1

psychward wrote: »

My first instinct is to deck the neighbour and kick his head in.

However there is the pesky and inconvenient matter of law and order. If you had been there when it happened you'd have a stronger case for putting him in hospital as it would be normal to lose all reason when your child is hit. Therefore go chat with a Garda about it and keep your cool. Put it on record that the neighbour hit a child. He may have done it before and that's why the Guards should know if there is a pattern. Lack of disclosure and information coming forward is how child abuse cases get covered up.

So it's not okay for someone possibly in shock slapping a child but it's okay to kick his head in? Amazing logic. And would you do this in front of the child to show him how it should be done?

meitina

I am not saying -my child was right .I told him that it was very dangerous what he did.
I there is no doubt that the child learned a lesson.
I just wonder how abusive the act was from the man's part,as my son actually wetted himself.That he is not feeling ok this morning and refused to go to school.
I just think that that whole thing was too violent.No matter what the child did.What matters is how we as adults react to it!!!!!!!!
Now that I said to him that I'll let it go ,I feel angry about it.But said that I could not go to Gards.

mikemac

psychward wrote: »

My first instinct is to deck the neighbour and kick his head in.

Ah yes, my child is a little angel and never does any wrong

Isn't that what many parents claim

MagicMarker

Bullseye1 wrote: »

But it's dangerous. He could have slipped under the car, the driver could have panicked and crashed or had you even thought of the danger of a child being in such close proximity to a moving car.

And this is an excuse to hit him? If an adult walks out in front of me am I allowed to get out and hit them?

If a child ran out in front of me almost causing me to crash I'm sure as **** not going to get out and hit them! That would be the last thing on my mind.

I think people are giving too much credit to the driver, as if he got out and hit the kid for the sake of the kid. I'd be of the opinion that the driver got out and hit him because the kid touched his car!

Bullseye1

I'm sorry your child had to go through that experience. Hopefully it will keep him safe going forward. By speaking to your neighbour you have done the right thing. He has apologised and admitted he over reacted and I'm sure he will never do it again.

It's good that neighbours can talk without having to involve the Garda. Far too many people run to the Garda without first trying to be adults and talk. Fair play to you.

Bullseye1

I never said I agreed with the drivers reaction I'm saying that everyone reacts differently. Since we were not there its unfair to judge either side too harshly and assuming something is not a solid ground to base an action on. It's good that the mother has been able talk with the driver and they seem to have resolved the matter. Why now involve the Garda? Shouldn't neighbours be able resolve the matter like adults.

MagicMarker wrote: »

And this is an excuse to hit him? If an adult walks out in front of me am I allowed to get out and hit them?

If a child ran out in front of me almost causing me to crash I'm sure as **** not going to get out and hit them! That would be the last thing on my mind.

I think people are giving too much credit to the driver, as if he got out and hit the kid for the sake of the kid. I'd be of the opinion that the driver got out and hit him because the kid touched his car!

psychward

Bullseye1 wrote: »

So it's not okay for someone possibly in shock slapping a child but it's okay to kick his head in? Amazing logic. And would you do this in front of the child to show him how it should be done?

Yes. Yes it is. And yes I would.
When my child grows up I would expect him to be able to defend himself and not turn the other cheek if attacked. It's my job to discipline my child and nobody elses.

mikemac wrote: »

Ah yes, my child is a little angel and never does any wrong

Isn't that what many parents claim

Anecdotally they claim that however the point is not to train your child to keep secrets or become a victim and passively accept when someone in authority attempts to abuse that authority. The psychological harm would be far greater than the physical harm in this case.

MagicMarker

MagicMarker wrote: »

I am frankly amazed at the responses in this thread.

A grown adult got out of his car and slapped and 8 year old child in the face, but it's okay because he apologised? And he's done it before!?!

Call the guards, no ifs or buts.

100% agree.

Excuse my french OP but F*ck that for a game of tennis. If anyone laid a finger on my child I would have them charged. There is absolutely no doubt about it.

Yeh the kid was wrong to slap the car, but the neighbour should have gone to the child's parents and they should have dealt with it.

Would it be ok if it was a 30 year old man who had slapped the car and then got assaulted?

mickoneill30

MagicMarker wrote: »

I am frankly amazed at the responses in this thread.

A grown adult got out of his car and slapped and 8 year old child in the face, but it's okay because he apologised? And he's done it before!?!

Call the guards, no ifs or buts.

On top of that the 8 year old child should be grounded for a while. He obviously can't be trusted around moving cars. They're not the kind of thing you mess around with.
I know he got a shock when the adult slapped him. He would have had a bigger shock if he misjudged hitting the car.

It's not acceptable that the adult slapped the kid. Make sure the kid knows that you're angry with the driver but that he also knows that this doesn't detract from the stupidity of the kids actions.

psychward

Deleted User wrote: »

Would it be ok if it was a 30 year old man who had slapped the car and then got assaulted?

A coward who hits kids most likely wouldn't dare hit an adult.

Bullseye1

psychward wrote: »

Yes. Yes it is. And yes I would.
When my child grows up I would expect him to be able to defend himself and not turn the other cheek if attacked. It's my job to discipline my child and nobody elses.




Anecdotally they claim that however the point is not to train your child to keep secrets or become a victim and passively accept when someone in authority attempts to abuse that authority. The psychological harm would be far greater than the physical harm in this case.

How exactly is kicking someone's head in teaching your child to protect themselves. Assuming the person you are now kicking their head in is on the ground (unless your a giant) wouldn't that be now considers excessive and actually assault possibly leading to the death of said person on ground? So your child has now witnessed you kill someone and will have to visit you in prison. I see your logic.

psychward

meitina wrote: »

Now that I said to him that I'll let it go ,I feel angry about it.But said that I could not go to Gards.

You have a duty to report this to the Guards. That neighbour might have hit other kids or done much worse. It should all be on his record if things start to come out so the Guards can get a clearer picture of this guy.

bbam

The replies to this thread are amazing...

Kids are kids and get into trouble, I got into my share..
The people to deal with this are the parents or if it requires the guards too...

I don't care what a child does... nobody, parents included should slap a child..
Slapping anybody child or adult is assault, plane and simple..

I don't care who this guy is or what the child has done... I'd be getting the Guards involved ASAP, if nothing else this guy needs a talking to by the guards about appropriate behaviour..

Who knows what this guy has been up to... maybe the guards are sick of complaints against him..

All this child has been taught is to slap someone about if you don't like what they do..

Call the Guards and get their advice...

sipstrassi

Did the neighbour apologise to you or to your son?

If not to your son then you need to tell him you will be bringing your son to apologise for hitting the car and promising not to do it again but that he (the neighbour) must apologise to your son and assure him he will never so much as look at him again.
If he is not prepared to do that then tell him you are going to report it.

Bullseye1

So the guy has now jumped from being a driver who slapped a child to being a serial child slapper or something more sinister. WOW. Do people actually believe this stuff?

psychward

Bullseye1 wrote: »

How exactly is kicking someone's head in teaching your child to protect themselves. Assuming the person you are now kicking their head in is on the ground (unless your a giant) wouldn't that be now considers excessive and actually assault possibly leading to the death of said person on ground? So your child has now witnessed you kill someone and will have to visit you in prison. I see your logic.

Well I did say that the Guards was the way to go. However I'm not going to have my small child wonder why I wasn't there to protect and defend him or her if I am present when they are attacked. And don't worry I wouldn't kill him literally but I'd let him know hes treading on very dangerous ground and I would let my child know it would not happen again. As for prison, I can't imagine any jury seeing an attack on someone who has assaulted your child in your presence as any different from an attack on someone in self defence. I knew the pussy liberals would be all over me when I expressed my distaste for the child beater and outlined hypothetical scenarios. However the fact is the parent wasn't present and the Guards should be informed because a leopard doesn't change it's spots and when someone is caught breaking the law they usually got away with a lot more which wasn't reported.

Penny Dreadful

davemc180 wrote: »

an 8 year old slapping a car is no excuse to get out and hit him,

would you think its ok if a football hit your front door to go out and start hitting the kids...

no excuse , hes 8 and dosent no better, no need to be hitting him, verbally telling him off or telling his mother would be the right option

Actually I'd think an 8 year old should know better.

I also think that there is more to this than has been told. The OP is the parent so is understandably going to take their child's side. The child hasn't said anything (by all accounts) about what really did happen. The man who slapped the child has apologised.
I should think it better that the parent speaks to their child, gets their version of events, speaks to the other parent (if they are around) and they go to speak to the man who slapped their child and sort things out.
Calling the Gardaí in is OTT IMHO.

looksee

Driver going through estate, sees children, is driving slowly and carries on.

As he passes one child he sees sudden movement and hears a thud. Slams on the brakes and gets out of car to see has he hit a child.

Child not expecting such instant reaction and gets a fright, driver realises what has happened and is so mad at having been frightened and relieved at not having hit the child, takes a swipe at child and hits his face.

Child further alarmed at such an instant response to him doing what he knew was wrong.

Driver calms down and subsequently apologies.

The driver should not have hit the child. The child should not have been messing with a moving car. Both know that what they did was wrong. Have them apologise to each other. Then get on with your lives.

Do not make a victim of the child - it will not do him any good in the long run.

Bullseye1

psychward wrote: »

I knew the pussy liberals would be all over me when I expressed my distaste for the child beater and outlined hypothetical scenarios. However the fact is the parent wasn't present and the Guards should be informed because a leopard doesn't change it's spots and when someone is caught breaking the law they usually got away with a lot more which wasn't reported.

Ah yes the auld pussy liberal cards are thrown out with everything else. You are the one kicking the guy in the head to show your kid what to do next if it had happened to them. I guess the leopard analogy is quite fitting.

psychward

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Calling the Gardaí in is OTT IMHO.

So if someone hits you you wont' call the Guards ? Unlike you the child does not have a choice.

psychward

Bullseye1 wrote: »

Ah yes the auld pussy liberal cards are thrown out with everything else. You are the one kicking the guy in the head to show your kid what to do next if it had happened to them. I guess the leopard analogy is quite fitting.

I guess some people like yourself are devoid of protective emotions at least when it comes to the victim.

Bullseye1

psychward wrote: »

I guess some people like yourself are devoid of protective emotions at least when it comes to the victim.

Actually what was being described was reactive not protective. There is a difference. Any parent would and should protect their child. But the actions being described above are happening after the event.

I feel the OP has handled it in an adult manner.