Bride(?maid)zilla

LegacyUser

I've been bridesmaid at 2 weddings& it seems to have, more or less, sounded the deathknell for the friendship. What's been your experience of the bride/bridesmaid relationship? Is it me, or are fallouts par for the course? Can friendships recover?

Ickle Magoo

I'm very lucky - managed to dodge any attacks of bridezilla/bridesmaidzilla...I was bridesmaid for my sister who was/is my best mate which went without so much as a snappy word and I had three bridesmaids when I got married in 2004 - my sister and my two best friends...didn't fall out with them during the wedding preparations, on the day, or since...in fact, we had the pleasure of witnessing one as the bride last year - which was fab because they'd only just started going out when they came to our wedding! So no, I don't think it's par for the course - or at least not in my experience...

It's difficult to say whether your friendship is recoverable - I think it really depends on what you fell out over and how willing the other party is to own up to their part in that and whether you both really want to get over it...

LegacyUser

Well, to my mind both were over fairly trivial things.
1- Not being able to attend an evening meal before the wedding due to work commitments. (later spent 3 full days at wedding itself/aftermath, which I figured was a fairly big show of support. Of the other bridesmaids, both direct family members, 1 was unemployed& one was home on a-rare-holiday from the US, so both had nothing else to do in the week before the wedding BUT be around all the time helping out)
2- Bride unhappy with me being bridesmaid for first wedding, an ex friend of hers. Fallout happened 10 years beforehand, I had met neither girl at the time.

Storminateacup

Don't say that OP!

My best friend asked me to be one of her bridesmaids literally two days ago.
Despite her insisting the colour will be purple, I was pretty happy.

Das Kitty

I was a bridesmaid for one of my friends. I wasn't hugely happy to be the bridesmaid by the time the day came because it was blatantly obvious that the bride and groom shouldn't have been getting married. It was a pretty uncomfortable experience and a lot of their frustration was being taken out on me in the week leading up.

That said, I'm still very good friends with the girl, they were divorced two years later.

She was my bridesmaid along with two others and still close with all the girls.

I think you just had two bad experiences OP, one stemming from the other. Don't worry about it.

lazygal

I had one BM, my sister. We agreed years ago to do it for each other and I only wanted her. I don't understand having three, four or five TBH, but that's just me.

In terms of expectations, I didn't call on her to organise anything. It wasn't her getting married so I didn't need or want her to do any of the planning. Me, her and mum went to a couple of weddings fairs and had boozy lunches after. She came shopping with me and mum to one dress shop and approved the BM dress. I didn't want a hen, even if I had I would have sorted it out myself.

I think some brides read too many magazines and books about bridal etiquette and expect their BMs to be surrogate wedding planners and pitch in with all sorts. In my "gang" of mates this kind of thing is simply not done so I don't understand why women put up with doing all sorts of things above and beyond what they think they should do.

I expected sis to enjoy herself, give me a bit of a hand with the dress for pics on the day and pose in some photos, and that was all.

Dudess

jijhkhl wrote: »

Well, to my mind both were over fairly trivial things.
1- Not being able to attend an evening meal before the wedding due to work commitments. (later spent 3 full days at wedding itself/aftermath, which I figured was a fairly big show of support. Of the other bridesmaids, both direct family members, 1 was unemployed& one was home on a-rare-holiday from the US, so both had nothing else to do in the week before the wedding BUT be around all the time helping out)
2- Bride unhappy with me being bridesmaid for first wedding, an ex friend of hers. Fallout happened 10 years beforehand, I had met neither girl at the time.

Jesus, I'd lose it with her. And if she didn't apologise, I'd wave bye-bye to the friendship.

magentas

sounds like being a bridesmaid is a pretty dangerous job! A lot of weddings are turned into a circus and expectations and demands run high.

Personally, I wouldn't put up with a lot of the stuff I've read here. I'd fully support the bride and would put in as much effort as I could but at the end of the day, you're not their slave!

jijhkhl sounds like you were very unlucky though. I feel sorry for you because it sounds like you were really given a raw deal with both of the weddings. They obviously neither appreciated nor respected you but remember that's their problem, not yours;)

dammitjanet

I was bridesmaid at my eldest sisters wedding when I was 12 and head bridesmaid for my other sister at 15. Great thing about sisters is we're gonna kill eachother either way, them being a bridezilla just gives us a reason

Worst thing I came across was being head bridesmaid when my sister made me organise her hen. The other bridemaids were no use for help so I was left (at age 15) to call all my sisters 23/24 year old friends, organise gifts and the usual party stuff and book a restaurant and vip section of a club. I'd consider that difficult to do now, imagine doing it when you're underage!

Sooopie

This reminds me - a girl I know, who has to be one the most self obsessed, silly, vain girls I've ever met, was asked by her best friend to be a bridesmaid. She said no. And her reason? She didn't want to have to wear a bridesmaids dress - she wanted to be able to wear what she liked to the wedding

:rolleyes:

Chinafoot

I was bridesmaid for my sister and the problem wasn't her...it was our mother! She was completely stressed about every single aspect of the wedding from the organising to the day itself. My sister didn't stress at all which was nice

Never done it for anyone else and wouldn't be in a hurry to do it again. Its such a loooong day!

Neyite

I think I would tip a bridezilla over the edge.

I am a bridesmaid for my (non bridezilla) sis in May, and after trying for a baby for 2 years, I said to my OH in July that it would be typical that I get pregnant and my due date lands on my sisters wedding. Oh how we lolled:o. Guess what happened? Yup. Got pregnant, and my due date is 7 days after her wedding.

She knew we were trying prior to our happy news and made sure that she allowed for extra fabric in case we needed a maternity gown ran up after the BM dresses were made. I offered to skip a month or two of trying for a baby so it wouldnt clash with her wedding but she insisted that we not do that, as "its only a wedding, having a baby is far more worthy". I cant go to her hen, because airlines wont let me fly that close to my due date, and its not fair to drag all the other hens to my side of the country as accomadation and going out is very pricy for them, so I insisted she have her hen in the UK as planned. She has to get through her day worrying that her massive bridemaid's waters break during the ceremony, and I suspect she has changed the dress design to full length instead of her preferred knee length to cover the rather fetching cankles I will be sporting on the day.

I am hoping I dont go early. Would much rather being hugely pregnant, than lumpy post partum, worrying about leaky milk and bleeding on a very nice guna.

A brideszilla would have fired me months ago!