Being "hard to read"..

Lia_lia

This probably doesn't belong in TLL, but there are many threads in here that don't directly relate to lady stuff soo..


People always say I'm very difficult to read. I still don't really know what this means. It was only last night that some of the lads in my class said it and they all agreed that I have started to wonder if it's a good or bad thing. I am probably thinking into it too much but I am sick of people saying it. I don't see how I am like that. Does it mean not showing emotions? Gah!

And on the otherside of things I am told I can "read" people very well. Which is true, I can usually tell what a person is like after the first couple of times I meet them. Always been like that. People have even called me "psychic" a lot of times. :rolleyes:

But back to the first thing...is "being difficult to read" a bad trait? I am lost.

amacachi

Meh, I get the same. I don't get it for me, I generally say what I think. It's as though being straight-forward confuses people because they expect subtext or something.

Malari

I've been told that sometimes. I think the phrase means that you don't readily show your emotions, but I think people use it when they are trying to say that a person is unpredictable. Any time someone has said that to me, they have usually made a judgement about me based on how I dress, or my sex, or that fact that I'm quiet, etc. Then when they get to know me a bit better they say "oh, you are hard to read". To be honest, I take it as a compliment because you can take it to mean you don't fit properly into the box people would like to put you in

Dublin Chick

I wish I was mysterious and hard to read.....people say I am an open book but really I am not :mad:..... I have LOADS I don't share :eek:

Ickle Magoo

I get that from some people - and yet my friends say I'm like an open book so I now assume anyone who thinks I'm hard to read, just has reading difficulties.

amacachi

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I get that from some people - and yet my friends say I'm like an open book so I now assume anyone who thinks I'm hard to read, just has reading difficulties.

Too right. Quite often I can't believe just how much I actually say to people, sometimes who I don't know too well. :pac:

I get that all the time. I'm especially confused that people are afraid of offending or annoying me. What they take for a lack of humour or a serious demeanour is usually just me not being bothered, or probably in a world of my own. I find it frustrating, because I couldn't be easier to read really. People are possibly reading too much into me! The lights are always on but can't be guaranteed anyone is home.

KittyeeTrix

I'm waaaaay too open and wish I could be a bit more reserved or whatever but it's just who I am....... Can't help it:D

Conor Bourke

I'm pretty open and expressive, but I can be hard to read if I so choose.

I went on a date one night with a guy who I'd only met the once before that. I was friendly and chatty, we had a really nice time and eventually he opened up and admitted that he was a PSNI officer- he hadn't said earlier in case I had strong feelings on the subject. He told me later that he wasn't sure whether to tell me or not as he had found me quite hard to read at first, and he would normally be very good at sussing people out quickly.

I wish I could do the whole "mysterious" thing a bit more though- as someone else said, I can't believe how much I say to people I've just met.

I consider myself a good reader of people. When I get the vibe from a person that they're not too expressive, I don't read any further into it than that. I know that most people aren't like that out of sneakiness, they simply aren't as instantly "out there" as some others.

Chinafoot

I'm very open and am quite often referred to as "very straight" so there are definitely no reading disabilities for people dealing with me I find it difficult to hide my emotions and thats probably because I see little reason to. If I'm happy I'll show it, if I'm annoyed I'll show it. My feelings are legitimate as far as I'm concerned so I see no reason to hide them.

I like to think I am quite good at reading people. I tend to pick up on small things that others might not notice, like fleeting facial expressions or body language, that kind of thing. I think its something everyone can do if we take the time to actually observe those around us.

That being said, some people are extremely difficult to read. I used to work with a woman who was just blank. It was impossible to know what she was feeling or thinking. I don't think I ever saw anything expressive from her at all.

amacachi

Chinafoot wrote: »

I like to think I am quite good at reading people. I tend to pick up on small things that others might not notice, like fleeting facial expressions or body language, that kind of thing. I think its something everyone can do if we take the time to actually observe those around us.

The amount of times I've apparently made an involuntary facial movement without noticing for no reason which I'm then told means something is extremely annoying.

Chinafoot

amacachi wrote: »

The amount of times I've apparently made an involuntary facial movement without noticing for no reason which I'm then told means something is extremely annoying.

Assuming I mean something I don't, quoting me and then posting a narky reply is extremely annoying. See what I did there?

I can assure you I wouldn't tell someone "ooh you twitched your nose a millimetre to the left, this means you have deep-seated daddy issues". People who do that nonsense have been watching too much 'Lie to Me'. I mean stuff like asking someone how they are, getting "I'm good" in response but seeing that flicker of sadness/anger/whatever before they answer. Its obvious stuff that people either ignore or don't care enough to notice.

amacachi

Chinafoot wrote: »

Assuming I mean something I don't, quoting me and then posting a narky reply is extremely annoying. See what I did there?

I can assure you I wouldn't tell someone "ooh you twitched your nose a millimetre to the left, this means you have deep-seated daddy issues". People who do that nonsense have been watching too much 'Lie to Me'. I mean stuff like asking someone how they are, getting "I'm good" in response but seeing that flicker of sadness/anger/whatever before they answer. Its obvious stuff that people either ignore or don't care enough to notice.

I wasn't being narky, just saying that generally with me people see things that aren't there. This being a good example ironically :pac:

Chinafoot

amacachi wrote: »

I wasn't being narky, just saying that generally with me people see things that aren't there. This being a good example ironically :pac:

Well no, its not really since you directly quoted something I said. In this case, it is entirely fair to assume that in posting your "extremely annoying" example in direct response to what I have written, you are indeed implying, quite blantantly in fact, that this is what I was referring to.

Perhaps people wouldn't make so many assumptions about you if tried to be, oh I don't know, clear in what you mean? Saves everyone a lot of time.

amacachi

Chinafoot wrote: »

Well no, its not really since you directly quoted something I said. In this case, it is entirely fair to assume that in posting your "extremely annoying" example in direct response to what I have written, you are indeed implying, quite blantantly in fact, that this is what I was referring to.

Perhaps people wouldn't make so many assumptions about you if tried to be, oh I don't know, clear in what you mean? Saves everyone a lot of time.

I meant exactly what I said.

What exactly did you mean then? The bit I quoted was how you "like to think" something and how you "tend" to pick up on things others don't. I said that in my experience people "pick up" on things with me that aren't there. I realise how scathing a comment that was now.

Storminateacup

It's better than being told that you're cold.

I'm told that quite a bit and it's not true.

parker kent

amacachi wrote: »

What exactly did you mean then? The bit I quoted was how you "like to think" something and how you "tend" to pick up on things others don't. I said that in my experience people "pick up" on things with me that aren't there. I realise how scathing a comment that was now.

I can understand that. I'm often told I am annoyed, when I wasn't. This leads to me actually getting annoyed at the person and saying I wasn't annoyed until you started telling me I was annoyed :pac: Sometimes that "flicker of sadness/anger/whatever" is actually just an itchy nose!

BTW yes of course some people are better at reading non-verbal clues. I'm just saying that sometimes people read more into an expression than necessary.

Eve_Dublin

Nah you'll know exactly what I'm feeling/thinking just by looking at me. People sometimes comment on how they think I'm feeling from just my facial expressions and they're almost always right. I have a face that can hide nothing. I can't give the impression that I'm cool, calm and collected in a tricky situations and it's a quality I'd love. Saying that though, I'm very much a "what you see is that you get" kinda woman and that makes my life much simpler. No misunderstandings.

rainshowers82

I sometimes wish i was "harder to read" -- I am an open easy reader Life story told to you within hours of meeting .... which is probably not the best thing to do but hey that is just me

i am pretty good at "reading " people ....... A pretty good judge of character

I suppose what i am saying is, it doesn't matter how anyone perceives you to be ..... is it not these little things that makes us who we are ?! Everyone is entitled to be different etc

Chinafoot

Chinafoot wrote: »

Assuming I mean something I don't, quoting me and then posting a narky reply is extremely annoying. See what I did there?

I can assure you I wouldn't tell someone "ooh you twitched your nose a millimetre to the left, this means you have deep-seated daddy issues". People who do that nonsense have been watching too much 'Lie to Me'. I mean stuff like asking someone how they are, getting "I'm good" in response but seeing that flicker of sadness/anger/whatever before they answer. Its obvious stuff that people either ignore or don't care enough to notice.

A lot of people do misread facial expressions/vibes though. I'm constantly being told stuff about myself that's so far off base, it's laughable. It's annoying when people insist I must be sad or angry or bored when I'm absolutely grand. I just have a natural expression which is pretty glum/blank. I tend to daydream/think/worry/work stuff out in my head a lot as well, which some people interpret as looking vacant and they decide I'm a bimbo, which is completely untrue and unfair. My thoughts are definitely somewhere else, but I'm usually thinking about something important, not wondering if those shoes are still on sale in Topshop. :rolleyes: I get what you mean about being able to read people better than most, but armchair psychology can rub a lot of people up the wrong way (as you've seen) I really dislike being judged off the bat, I respect people who take the time to talk to me before they form an impression and I would do the same for them.

skregs

It's never a compliment

starlit

Ya sometimes I find that some people might find I am hard to read but not really often people can read me like a book but if I show enough strong emotion they can read me quiet well. I can read people quiet well too though not always but I can sometimes.

I suppose if you don't show your true colours or emotions enough or have a reaction to something or a bit narrow minded when it comes to some things maybe that's why guys think you are hard to read. You probably suppress your expression and feelings and not say or do or show emotion much maybe that's it. Maybe you just want to keep that to yourself and not let on to others your true emotions but maybe you are just a very strong person and keeps it together and that guys might be a bit intimidated by that.

Body language and if there is tension in the room, verbal/non verbal communication can give a lot of way. Action can speak louder than words. You can miss read people easily enough, I often don't always get it right but sometimes I do. I can almost feel what the other person is feeling just by looking at them and can almost know what they are thinking or what they are feeling sometimes.

Based on first impressions of people or later meetings I find my judgement and gut instinct and feeling on them and read them quiet well most of the time and find my judgement, impression of them and gut feeling on them is close to 90-100% right! If I get a feeling or a sense about them or a vibe off them its nearly often always right! I'd feel very strongly about that and usually if its strong enough emotion or reaction from them then its often the case when it turns out to be true.

dellas1979

People "read" each other through body language every second of the day.

So, you may be a very quite person/display traits of shyness - you dont verbalise what you think/feel - in addition to this you may not also portray emotion in your body language.

This can make people feel uneasy, as it is a conscious signal to a person that you are closed off/not interested.

Im sure once people know you, you are probably easy to get on with. You dont/shouldnt have to defend yourself if you are comfortable the way you are.

Lia_lia

HA! My pilates instructor said in class today "some of you are just so hard to read!" whilst looking at me. Inside I was kicking her in the face.

Malari

Lia_lia wrote: »

HA! My pilates instructor said in class today "some of you are just so hard to read!" whilst looking at me. Inside I was kicking her in the face.

What?! Why does a pilates instructor need to read you? I'd be wary of her - keep that poker face on

Sephiroth_dude

I get told "cheer up" "smile" even though I probably am happy......tis very annoying -_-