Friend trying to sabatoge my diet???

LegacyUser

I have always been a big woman, and i have dieted a lot and lost weight. At the beginning of this year my fiance of 10 years and i decided to finally set our wedding date for this december, and at 16 stone i decided i was not going to be a fat bride. Now 10 months later i am down 4 stone and getting the final bits and bobs sorted for the wedding.

However my fiance said to me last week,that He thinks a friend of mine has been and still is trying to sabatoge my diet.

This girl ive been Friends for 5 years, she is 29 and she was 19 stone when she got married last year, she is currently 22 stone and is on and off diets like a mad yoke, she hates exercise and loves her food. Im mad about her shes such a sweetheart.

She and i were always the big girls of the group, but once i started losing weight she started shoving chocolate in my face more and more ,she would arrive at my house with a lasange she cooked for me , she once arrived at my door unannounced with beer and a pizza.(and she never did this before i started dieting)

And as i lost the weight when people would compliment me on it she stayed silent. After 4 stone and a pretty big change to my looks she has never once congratulated me.

Last weekend was her birthday and she had a party, cake, junk, sausages, the works. I did have some of it because they way i do things is i have it but i work it off in the gym the next day. She got drunk and pulled me aside and told me to "stop picking" at the food that it wasnt fair that i was losing weight and still eating junk.

Was told the next day she had told people she bets i wont fit into my wedding dress, and an hour after i was told that i got a text from her saying "Coming over with big slice of cake for u pet and some leftover food, im on a diet starting today and it wouldnt kill you to put on a few pounds"

i ignored the message and didnt answer the door. Havnt been in contact since. Am i over reacting??

username123

Sounds like she is jealous.

Misery loves company and this girl is projecting her bad feelings onto you, she see's you being successful in your quest to lose weight and she doesnt like the change it will entail, suddenly you two will no longer be the big girls in the group together, just she will be.

She wants to tempt you and offer you bad food so she can secretly feel better that your will power is no better than hers.

Nobody likes change, and this kind of change she has no control over, it probably helped her negative feelings about being overweight to have a partner in crime in you, and now that partner in crime is slimming down she has no one to mentally compare to and feel ok about herself.

Well done on the weight loss by the way, Id say you feel great for it, long may it continue.

You can tell her how you feel, but she will probably go into denial about any of it. Id quietly fall back if I were you, big life changes sometimes shake up friendships, as you let go of something negative, the people who assisted in that negativity get upset about the change and want to drag you back to where you were. She may cop on when she realises that you are no longer the same person and accepts it.

coolcat63

No, you're not over-reacting and well done for handling the situation so well - I think a lot of people would have shoved the food into her face!

She is very clearly jealous of your achievement because it proves that, with will power and determination, you can lose weight. She doesn't have either of those and your weight loss is a constant reminder of her 'failure'.

Keep ignoring her attempts to sabotage your weight loss; if it gets too much then you'll have to reassess if you still want to keep her as a friend.

Hope you have a wonderful wedding!

floorpie

Well she's obviously jealous, understandably, i suppose. 'Sabotage' might be a bit of a strong word, but she's not making it easy for you.

This might be a bit of a downer thought, but the older i get the more i notice that some friends seem to insist that you never change, they seem to want you to stay as the same 'friend' that they've always had, it almost becomes noose-like, if you pander to it, so your story doesn't really surprise me much.

But anyway, a pretty simple solution, rather than avoiding her, would be to say that you're cycling onto a low carb diet (keto, atkins, dukan, gi etc etc), or else say that you feel intolerant to wheat or something. I can guarantee that any food she brings you will be definitely carby, and probably wheaty, so it'd be fairly easy to say point blank "sorry i absolutely can't eat that, too many carbs/it has wheat in it".

That'd be a bit more simple for her to understand and she'd get the message pretty quick, plus it sounds a bit better than being like "oh i couldn't eat cake, i might gain a few pounds!" which might sound more emotive than factual, and difficult for her to take.

And if she brings you high protein/fat foods to eat, great, free healthy food.

By the way, congrats on the weight loss, losing 4 stone in 10 months is a great achievement. It sounds like you've adopted it as a lifestyle choice which is even better.

Miss Fluff

First of all, well done on losing all that weight, it's a great achievement! You're going to look and feel so fantastic walking up the aisle!

I think your friend is being really spiteful and this is because she is both threatened and jealous. You're handling it very well though and I think you were right to ignore her most recent antics.

There's nothing really to say bar don't rise to the bait. As someone said, "misery loves company" and you just stay on your own successful path and don't let her derail you regardless of how much she tries to sabotage it.

Giselle

She's afraid.

She just wants things to stay the way they were when she didn't have to examine her own attitude to her weight. She may not have even reasoned out what she's doing.

She's worried shes going to be the lonely lone fat girl, and before it was okay because she had you to share it with.

Try have an open conversation and ask her in a roundabout way why she feels so threatened by your new figure. Be very non-confrontational and as non-judgemental as you can be, as its likely to be painful for her.

Try make it about her, not you. Because it is really about her. So try not to take it personally.

And well done on the weightloss and have a fantastic wedding!

28064212

ddiieett wrote: »

she started shoving chocolate in my face more and more ,she would arrive at my house with a lasange she cooked for me , she once arrived at my door unannounced with beer and a pizza.(and she never did this before i started dieting)

And as i lost the weight when people would compliment me on it she stayed silent. After 4 stone and a pretty big change to my looks she has never once congratulated me.

This sort of stuff is nothing really. Partly her own insecurity, but unlikely to be consciously malicious.

ddiieett wrote: »

Last weekend was her birthday and she had a party, cake, junk, sausages, the works. I did have some of it because they way i do things is i have it but i work it off in the gym the next day. She got drunk and pulled me aside and told me to "stop picking" at the food that it wasnt fair that i was losing weight and still eating junk.

Again, nothing too malicious, and you may as well be the better person and ignore it

ddiieett wrote: »

Was told the next day she had told people she bets i wont fit into my wedding dress, and an hour after i was told that i got a text from her saying "Coming over with big slice of cake for u pet and some leftover food, im on a diet starting today and it wouldnt kill you to put on a few pounds"

This kind of behaviour is disgusting coming from a "friend", and all the excuse you need to tell her to f*ck off and mind her own business

mikemac

It's not unusual, as said misery likes company

She sees you getting success and now she is left behind
Rather then work on herself she's going to drag you back

Happens in lots of areas
Like your teammate gets a promotion in work and rather then being happy for them and try to do well, many people get bitter and jealous

You did well by ignoring the message

Realy, it's up to people to help themselves, if she wants to shed the weight it's up to her

Oh and well done of the four stone

LegacyUser

You could reply "well, I'm on track to be "x amount" of weight for the wedding so am trying to keep away from foods that might throw me off my target... thanks though".

In this way you're letting her know that your serious about your commitment for losing weight and also telling her that you do not wish to be tempted by cake.

As an aside, living healthily is always a good idea so do keep up the good work after your wedding.

Ainekav

keep AWAY from her until the day of your wedding, and after that I wouldn't be too keen on inviting her back into my life with open arms either.

They tell you this in weight watchers - its very very common - people who will say "ah you've lost enough weight at this stage" or "that won't kill ya"

DO NOT LET HER WIN
She will suck you back into your old ways given half the chance and drag her down to her level, all because she is jealous and isn't doing as well as you losing the weight.

I have been there and it is SO easy to let someone get into your head and start to think "oh that won't kill me" but you owe it to yourself to keep going and look fab for your wedding day.

my advice would be to keep completely away from her until your wedding - do whatever you have to do, fake sickness, get husband to make excuses for you - and if she gets stroppy, tell her you heard what she said about your wedding dress and you need a bit of time away from her. dont feed into her sh1te!!! (excuse the pun!)

congrats on all the weight youve lost and the very BEST of luck losing the rest for the bigs day!!

gerryk

I have no contribution beyond what everyone ales has said. I just want to say Well Done!!!

Pebbles68

Let me add to the list of people offering congrats. Well done. Now decide to make it permanent and keep the healthy lifestyle you've adopted.

A few years ago I went to a hypnotherapist to lose weight and it's one of the warnings he gave me; Watch out for people who may not like the change you are making in your life. It was true. I dropped fron an 18/20 to a 10/12 and suddenly a group of "friends" wanted nothing to do with me. I don't know the reason but I was suddenly shut out. Your "friend" is obviously not as sweet as you may think. Betting on whether you'll fit into your dress in vindictive and bitchy. Do what is right for you and enjoy your new healthy body and your wedding day.

Tevez101

I wouldn't be too harsh on your friend.

It's obvious to anyone that she's jealous and the security of having you as an overweight friend in the past was really important to her.

The bet about the wedding dress..yeah, it comes across as being malicious and vindictive. But, the sad thing about it is that she probably said in an attempt to help convince herself that you won't keep the weight off, because she really doesn't want to believe that you will as she was so dependent on the security you being overweight brought her.

Sorry, the above is a bit waffley, but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.:)

You already sad you enjoy here as a friend for the most part, so my advice to you would be to try to work through it. Confront her head on about her insecurities(in a gentle way) and maybe offer to help her through them(only if you want to, of course)

Well done on the weight loss though, great achievement:)

I am a friend

Well done on losing the weight!!! That's an amazing achievement

She is being a total weapon and do not let her distract you. She gives you a lasagne and if you don't feel like saying no then just throw it away or pass it on. But to be honest I think you should have a chat with her and tell her to quit it.

tinkerbell

I've seen this before, lots of times. Two heavy girls, both need to lose weight. One girl decides to get their act together and be healthy so gets fit, eats right, loses weight, starts to look fabulous. The other girl then is left as "the fat friend". Before, it didn't really matter that she was fat, she had you with her so you were both in the same boat. Now you have lost a load of weight (and major CONGRATS! by the way, good for you!!!!) and she's mad jealous.

She is completely trying to sabotage your diet. She will not be happy until you are fat again and therefore the heat is off her because right now she's the fat one, you are the slim one!

Tbh, she doesn't sound like a friend at all. A friend would want to HELP someone get healthy, not try to ruin their ambition to be healthy. I would advise you stay well clear of her. Tell her that her behaviour is not on, you will not tolerate her coming over throwing junk in your face trying to get you to eat it and destroy the hard work you have done over the last 10 months. So she either cops onto herself or else you just won't be able to see her.

I've seen this sooo many times myself. You gotta be strong, keep heading in the direction that you are going in. At the end of the day, this is your HEALTH that we are talking about. 16 stone is NOT healthy for you and you know it, nevermind your friend at her 22 stone. So let her off and do her own thing, if she wants to stuff her face let her - just don't let her drag you down with her.

Good luck, and keep up the good work!

Oryx

Im mad about her shes such a sweetheart.

To be honest, I know this girl is without doubt, trying to make you fat again, but I do have some sympathy for her. And you say here, she can be a sweetie. As others have said, she is watching you do what she cannot: lose weight. It must be hurting her like hell for her to go to the lengths she has to try and bring you back to the big girl club.

If you confront her on this, I cant see it ending well. And you dont need that bad feeling as you continue to work on your weight and plan your wedding. You do need to be direct with her, in asking her to lay off the offers of food, the pizza and beer. She needs to know the game is up and you know what she is doing, but you can do that without being horrible, just be straight. It could be an opener into a deeper conversation about weight issues and how she feels about things herself, you never know.

puffin24

Well done on losing the weight but I feel sorry for your friend. She obviously hasnt been able to make the big change you have. Maybe you could help her? Invite her to go to the gym or work out with you now that she is on a diet. These things are always easier with a friend. Although if she does still try to drag you down or coax you into breaking your diet, distance may be best.

Plek Trum

This totally reflects on your friends feelings towards herself . She is in dire fear of being left behind, standing out on her own as overweight etc. Try and take this angle on it - I don't think its an attack on you per se (open to correction).

Put simply - next time she rings, calls, arrives with food / drink or anything unsuitable give the same line " No thanks girl - focused at the minute and am going to keep this going for as long as I can!"

You don;t have to apologise, feel threatened or annoyed. Focus on YOUR own journey and targets and HUGE CONGRATS to you. Keep it up!! You can keep her as a friend, just repeat the line and she will get the message soon enough.. who knows, you may even inspire her to make changes too. Best of luck

LegacyUser

hi guys

thanks for all the messages of support i really appriciate it. I have tried a few times to coax her to the gym with me and all i got was excuses, she doesnt work and sits at home all day so she had no excuse at all. So i have tried to help her but she doesnt want to do the work.

This evening she arrived at my door again (with no food this time ) and i was out. She basically asked my fiance at the door what my problem was as she hadnt heard from me all week, and he got very mad at her and basically told her everything.

I got a furious phone call from her calling me a cow and saying i thought i was better than her because id lost weight.

When i got home i asked my fiance what he had said, and he told me everything, he said nothing wrong basically. Just about my weight loss/her arriving with food/ her arguing with me at the party and placing bets that i wouldnt fit into my dress. But because he said it to her i am "now a bitch who is cutting her out because i think im better than her after my weight loss" (her words in a text i got about an hour ago)

Just want to cry:(

CathyMoran

She has the issue not you, you are doing great, keep up the good work

Das Kitty

You poor thing.

Just remember she's the one with the problem not you. If you want to try to salvage the friendship (if it were me I wouldn't), be direct with her about how you feel about the things she does.

If the friendship breaks down, it's not your fault. You have the patience of Job in my opinion!

LegacyUser

Das Kitty wrote: »

You have the patience of Job in my opinion!

job??? what you mean ? lol

Its been a weird few hours, shes text multiple times apoligising saying she loves me and is proud of me for my weight loss and to ignore her shes just jealous

Then 5 mins later i get a text obviously ment for someone else saying "Oh im done with her she thinks she is god cos she has lost weight- any fool can lose weight" and when i text her about that she goes "ya that was 4 u as a joke love ha ha see how we can mess about this :

I think shes drunk!!!

Either way im torn, i have been friends with her so long and we have always been great friends and the last yearish things have not been right and i dont know if its to do with her weight and trying to get preg/ me losing weight and not wanting to have kids etc...

ugh!!!!!!!!! im prob reading too much into this...

beks101

I really feel for you OP, but please don't let her behaviour discourage you from reaching your goals. At the end of the day your health and happiness is far more important than her 'friendship' - just keep reminding yourself of that.

I've been through the same before and think that weight loss among female friends is almost like a litmus test of the friendship - I've certainly felt let down and isolated and the target of much hostility from what I thought were 'good friends' after losing a stone or two.

Weight is such an emotive thing for many women, the media and societal pressure we face to be slim, that encourages us to wrap up our self-worth in our weight...I know so many women who face life-long battles with their weight and body image, thinking they should be slimmer than is natural for them and feeling like crap about a few extra pounds so it can be hard when you're mentally battling that every day, to be happy and proud of someone who's actually losing weight and bettering themselves. Not that it excuses it by any means - any good friend would be able to separate their own issues from a friend's success and be proud and happy that they're finally taking control of their life.

But the fact is that your friend isn't, and that's her problem, not yours. Don't feel guilty if it results in the breakdown of your friendship - if it happens, it is entirely her own doing. No-one should have to deal with negativity and bitter sabotage - not from your worst enemy and certainly not from someone you consider a good friend. If she continues, then she is sabotaging her friendship with you and you need to make that clear to her.

My way of dealing with it has always been to pull someone up on a jibe - if someone said 'you're losing too much weight' when I'm obviously not, I'd say 'I'm healthier and happier now than I've ever been, and my weight is not up for discussion, just like yours isn't'. If your friend says 'sure she'll gain it all back before we know it' again, be direct and tell her that upsets you, that you're working hard to reach your goals, feeling great and won't be surrounding yourself with that kind of negativity. So she either cleans up her act or loses out on your company.

Best of luck OP. I wouldn't go engaging in a text war with this woman either. Better to do it face to face, maybe call up to her and have a quick conversation about how she's been making you feel. And if it continues, you're a goner. You have to be a bit selfish here, as she has no right to make you feel guilty about living a healthier lifestyle.

Das Kitty

ddiieett wrote: »

job??? what you mean ? lol

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Job_%28religious_figure%29

Its been a weird few hours, shes text multiple times apoligising saying she loves me and is proud of me for my weight loss and to ignore her shes just jealous

Then 5 mins later i get a text obviously ment for someone else saying "Oh im done with her she thinks she is god cos she has lost weight- any fool can lose weight" and when i text her about that she goes "ya that was 4 u as a joke love ha ha see how we can mess about this :

I think shes drunk!!!

Either way im torn, i have been friends with her so long and we have always been great friends and the last yearish things have not been right and i dont know if its to do with her weight and trying to get preg/ me losing weight and not wanting to have kids etc...

ugh!!!!!!!!! im prob reading too much into this...

People drift apart during their lives. Sometimes it's best not to fight it. I'll bet you'd be relieved if you didn't have to see her and deal with the stress.

floorpie

ddiieett wrote: »

I have tried a few times to coax her to the gym with me and all i got was excuses, she doesnt work and sits at home all day so she had no excuse at all. So i have tried to help her but she doesnt want to do the work.

The reason i said in my first post to fob her off with fibs (i.e. "i'm going low carb, can't eat that" etc), is because any other proactive approach to making her understand your point of view has a danger of making her feel bad about herself, which is something that a person shouldn't do if possible (even in revenge).

I'm sure you know yourself, having been overweight, that it is not something that people can *make* you take care of, it's something that you have to want to do yourself at a very fundamental level.

If anything that i quoted above has ever been said to your friend (she doesn't want to do the work, she just sits at home all day, she just gives excuses etc), even in jest, or if it has gotten back to her through gossip, then i'm really not surprised at the conflict. Because even if it's true, there's a strong implication of judgement to it.

Another thing, i think with 'fitness' there's a risk of becoming dogmatic about certain approaches, because when a person achieves results like you did it meant strict dedication to a certain set of methods, which after a time of seeing results might make you feel like it's the 'one true way'. What worked for you was a certain diet and slogging in the gym with certain exercises, your methods will work for some people if they do it right, it wont work for other people if they do it wrong (i'm sure we all know people who work their asses off in the gym with little results through lack of understanding; misdirected training, overtraining, over compensating with food, poor diet choices, poor exercise choices, etc etc). Your approach might not work for some people even if they do it *right* (e.g. an ectomorph might not get very far with a mesomorph's diet and training methods, one person might be more or less insulin resistant and need a different diet, some people's skeletal structure will give them a harder time running or squatting, and on and on). Just because you enjoy going to the gym every day and she doesn't, *even if she moans about being overweight*, it doesn't give you the right to say/imply that she's too stupid and lazy to do it and that she has no excuse. There are many many systems of diet and exercise that a person can follow that will work to lose weight (even many diets *without* exercise), and you'd be doing her a far better service to encourage her towards discovering her own than trying to force her towards your one.

Lastly, you said that your fiancee got 'mad' at her, i hope that he didn't get 'angry mad', because that wouldn't be an appropriate response to obvious jealousy.

Edit: to sum up what i mean, a person should keep their diet and fitness regime to themselves, unless they're talking to somebody else who is equally dedicated to their own methods, it's a private thing and it's too emotional a topic to share. Commiserate with your friend when she moans, maybe encourage her to read about low carb principles or something, don't involve her in your own business.

Danniboo

floorpie wrote: »

The reason i said in my first post to fob her off with fibs (i.e. "i'm going low carb, can't eat that" etc), is because any other proactive approach to making her understand your point of view has a danger of making her feel bad about herself, which is something that a person shouldn't do if possible (even in revenge).

I'm sure you know yourself, having been overweight, that it is not something that people can *make* you take care of, it's something that you have to want to do yourself at a very fundamental level.

If anything that i quoted above has ever been said to your friend (she doesn't want to do the work, she just sits at home all day, she just gives excuses etc), even in jest, or if it has gotten back to her through gossip, then i'm really not surprised at the conflict. Because even if it's true, there's a strong implication of judgement to it.

Another thing, i think with 'fitness' there's a risk of becoming dogmatic about certain approaches, because when a person achieves results like you did it meant strict dedication to a certain set of methods, which after a time of seeing results might make you feel like it's the 'one true way'. What worked for you was a certain diet and slogging in the gym with certain exercises, your methods will work for some people if they do it right, it wont work for other people if they do it wrong (i'm sure we all know people who work their asses off in the gym with little results through lack of understanding; misdirected training, overtraining, over compensating with food, poor diet choices, poor exercise choices, etc etc). Your approach might not work for some people even if they do it *right* (e.g. an ectomorph might not get very far with a mesomorph's diet and training methods, one person might be more or less insulin resistant and need a different diet, some people's skeletal structure will give them a harder time running or squatting, and on and on). Just because you enjoy going to the gym every day and she doesn't, *even if she moans about being overweight*, it doesn't give you the right to say/imply that she's too stupid and lazy to do it and that she has no excuse. There are many many systems of diet and exercise that a person can follow that will work to lose weight (even many diets *without* exercise), and you'd be doing her a far better service to encourage her towards discovering her own than trying to force her towards your one.

Lastly, you said that your fiancee got 'mad' at her, i hope that he didn't get 'angry mad', because that wouldn't be an appropriate response to obvious jealousy.

Edit: to sum up what i mean, a person should keep their diet and fitness regime to themselves, unless they're talking to somebody else who is equally dedicated to their own methods, it's a private thing and it's too emotional a topic to share. Commiserate with your friend when she moans, maybe encourage her to read about low carb principles or something, don't involve her in your own business.

Right and would you reckon the OPs friends methods of snacking on pizza, beers and cakes is working for her:rolleyes: The OP hasn't once mentioned anything about trying to "force" anyone to do anything. If anything the friend is trying to force her to scoff junk food with the calling with pizzas, texting saying i'm on my way over with food etc. So not sure where you're going with that argument. The OPs fiancee is well entitled to get annoyed with her after her carry on, saying I bet she won't fit into her dress, sending messages saying any fool can lose weight etc, then why isn't she doing it? Do you honestly believe that because a persons motivation is born out of jealously we're not entitled to get annoyed with them? Some of the most poisonus and hurtful people are just jealous, they don't deserve to be pussyfooted around.

floorpie

It looks like the OP is finished with the question, but...

Danniboo wrote: »

Right and would you reckon the OPs friends methods of snacking on pizza, beers and cakes is working for her:rolleyes:

If she's upset by things that her friend has said, that's totally understandable. But what her friend *eats* is none of her business. Admittedly, what the OP eats is none of her friends business either. Except that the OP seems to have dragged her into it:

The OP hasn't once mentioned anything about trying to "force" anyone to do anything.

ddiieett wrote:

I have tried a few times to coax her to the gym with me and all i got was excuses, she doesnt work and sits at home all day so she had no excuse at all. So i have tried to help her but she doesnt want to do the work.

The OPs fiancee is well entitled to get annoyed with her after her carry on, saying I bet she won't fit into her dress, sending messages saying any fool can lose weight etc, then why isn't she doing it?

That's nobodies business either. But even just the irrationality of her saying 'any fool can lose weight' should tip you off as to her mental state, because obviously not any fool can do it (in fact the statistics i've seen for it say that almost *nobody* can lose weight in the long term, almost every single diet undertaken by people fail; but that just serves to show just how jealous she is)

Do you honestly believe that because a persons motivation is born out of jealously we're not entitled to get annoyed with them? Some of the most poisonus and hurtful people are just jealous, they don't deserve to be pussyfooted around.

They're entitled to be annoyed, obviously, but if the friend is bitterly jealous to such a degree, and the OP wants to stay friends if possible, then obviously getting 'angry' wont help anything. And if this man was 'shouting' at this girl then that's not acceptable, right?

Danniboo

floorpie wrote: »

It looks like the OP is finished with the question, but...


If she's upset by things that her friend has said, that's totally understandable. But what her friend *eats* is none of her business. Admittedly, what the OP eats is none of her friends business either. Except that the OP seems to have dragged her into it:







That's nobodies business either. But even just the irrationality of her saying 'any fool can lose weight' should tip you off as to her mental state, because obviously not any fool can do it (in fact the statistics i've seen for it say that almost *nobody* can lose weight in the long term, almost every single diet undertaken by people fail; but that just serves to show just how jealous she is)


They're entitled to be annoyed, obviously, but if the friend is bitterly jealous to such a degree, and the OP wants to stay friends if possible, then obviously getting 'angry' wont help anything. And if this man was 'shouting' at this girl then that's not acceptable, right?

The OP was trying to encourage her to go to the gym not "force" her obviously as they've shared the big girls in the group sentiment as the OP has stated. The OP hasn't dragged anyone in to anything. The OPs friend is practically acting like a feeder. What's so unacceptable about the OPs fiancee getting annoyed about the girl trying to sabotage the OPs efforts and making b***y comments about fitting into her dress. She should be supporting her friend on what's supposed to be the biggest day of her life. The OP would be doing herself a favour if she dropped this "friend" from her life. Her jealousy or lack of motivation is not the OPs problem, it's HER problem and it is absolutely no excuse for her behaviour. Your basically painting the OPs friend as a victim.

Ickle Magoo

Folks, this is an advice forum - it is for the OP to decide which advice to heed.

Going forward, please direct posts with constructive advice on the issue the OP has posted about, to the OP - and that doesn't mean continuing arguments with other posters and pinning a line to the OP at the end.

Many thanks.

wylo

psychology at play here, she is going through a wake up call at the moment. And shes fighting with everything shes got not to have to face it. Directing it at you mainly.

Truth is, she is fat, and she did nothing about it, she lead her life holding the line "If she cant do it I cant do it, and thats fine". Its an easy option. Now shes screwed because you can do it, meaning she has to do it, because otherwise shes no excuse.
She just got a dose of reality and is firing every shot away from her to not look at it.

As for you? Well you are after doing something fantastic, and you are being punished for it, its not just her though, its you who is punishing yourself, sorry to say, what I mean by that is you are emotionally attaching yourself to her and her problems. You dont have to do that, you cant control your thoughts, but you can certainly act appropriately in response to your thoughts.

Heres my advice, while shes being all weird, text her saying "You're being cruel, come back to me when you've sorted your **** out".

People do this with smoking as well. Seriously, its time to look after numero uno!!