Being bi

Aishae

I don't identify as bi now but I did once upon a time and so when I see bi-phobia 'bi doesn't exist' etc it annoys me that this still exists.

I've been wondering about things I've seen on other threads. 'im bi but in a gay relationship' type of thing.

I know that it's a good description of your current relationship situation.
But it got me thinking. Even if you're a woman seeing a bloke you're still bi. People assume you're straight though.

Is it just a useful description or is it a common perception that if you're bi you are gay or straight depending on who you're with?

Also: I've come across the asumption (elsewhere) that if you're bi, then your gf/bf must also be bi. Seems a strange one, that. Unless you're bi and just prefer a bi gf/bf.

I'm just genuinely curious

baby and crumble

Well, my GF is bisexual, and I'll be the first to admit it freaked me out when we first got together. I would be the first to say "ah, but sure you're really gay, like, really though..." and slag her about guys she found attractive. Luckily, I grew up. (ish )

I can't say that I don't occasionally get jealous when I hear her talking about spending time with guys i don't know (god bless the issues in long distance relationships...). And I'll be honest, I am more worried that she'll leave me for a man rather than another woman, if she were to leave me for anyone. But that's down more to my own arrogance- in my head it's unlikely she'd find a better woman for her, but in some ways I 'can't compete' with a guy the same way.

But I know she gets irritated that people see her as a lesbian, because she's in a long term same sex relationship, and engaged to boot. People get weirded out when she talks about her exes being both male and female. People REALLY get surprised when she drools over both the main characters on Bones! (Neither of which I really understand, but hey! Each to their own)

I do remember a bisexual guy getting off with her (before we got together) and then me having to listen to him call his boyfriend to tell him he'd be home soon. When I questioned him, he told me that "it doesn't count" if it's with a girl.

:rolleyes:

TBH I was madder that he managed to score her that night and I didn't.

Goodshape

baby and crumble wrote: »

I do remember a bisexual guy getting off with her (before we got together) and then me having to listen to him call his boyfriend to tell him he'd be home soon. When I questioned him, he told me that "it doesn't count" if it's with a girl.

Excluding the possibility they have an agreed upon "open" relationship, that guy's an asshole.

Aishae wrote:

But it got me thinking. Even if you're a woman seeing a bloke you're still bi. People assume you're straight though.

Is it just a useful description or is it a common perception that if you're bi you are gay or straight depending on who you're with?

Sometimes useful description, sometimes ignorance, I'd say. Definitely a lot of people who seem to think being bisexual is just not having made up your mind yet.

baby and crumble

Goodshape wrote: »

Excluding the possibility they have an agreed upon "open" relationship, that guy's an asshole.

Oh trust me, he was. In every single other way possible.

apache

baby and crumble wrote: »

Well, my GF is bisexual, and I'll be the first to admit it freaked me out when we first got together. I would be the first to say "ah, but sure you're really gay, like, really though..." and slag her about guys she found attractive. Luckily, I grew up. (ish )

I can't say that I don't occasionally get jealous when I hear her talking about spending time with guys i don't know (god bless the issues in long distance relationships...). And I'll be honest, I am more worried that she'll leave me for a man rather than another woman, if she were to leave me for anyone. But that's down more to my own arrogance- in my head it's unlikely she'd find a better woman for her, but in some ways I 'can't compete' with a guy the same way.

But I know she gets irritated that people see her as a lesbian, because she's in a long term same sex relationship, and engaged to boot. People get weirded out when she talks about her exes being both male and female. People REALLY get surprised when she drools over both the main characters on Bones! (Neither of which I really understand, but hey! Each to their own)

I do remember a bisexual guy getting off with her (before we got together) and then me having to listen to him call his boyfriend to tell him he'd be home soon. When I questioned him, he told me that "it doesn't count" if it's with a girl.

:rolleyes:

TBH I was madder that he managed to score her that night and I didn't.

if you were married and obviously in an exclusive relationship (just work with me here) and she obviously still identified as bi (because she is) would that be ok with you? would anything change?

i would like to hear your thoughts on that.

baby and crumble

apache wrote: »

if you were married and obviously in an exclusive relationship (just work with me here) and she obviously still identified as bi (because she is) would that be ok with you? would anything change?

i would like to hear your thoughts on that.

Of course it would be ok with me. First of all, her sexual identity is hers to define as she wishes. Secondly, I am not in any way one of those girls who for some unknown reason thinks that my partner shouldn't fancy anyone but me in the course of their lives. To think that is (IMHO) incredibly niaive. Just as I am free to find other women attractive, she is free to find other women and men attractive. We have our boundaries that we have negotiated with each other throughout our 8 years together. Once those are not overstepped, we can fancy whoever we want. SO long as we come home to each other, that's all that matters.

stephen_n

The assumption is either based on the concept of emotional cannibalism i.e. This hollywood BS that two become one and that relationships should somehow consume individuals and spit out some morphed beings connected by some psychically linked shared personality! Or else it's just plain ignorance and intolerance by people who should know better and cry about being accepted as what they are but won't afford that to people who are different than them!

jaffacakesyum

I haven't experienced that much biphobia, bar a few times on this forum, but that's probably because I'm not out as a bisexual yet

But if I were out and, for example, in a long term relationship with a woman, it would p1ss me off if people refused to accept that I am bi. If you're bisexual (and not just bi curious) then being in a relationship with either sex isn't going to make you straight or gay. Sure, sexuality can be fluid but I'm bisexual and it's NOT because I'm indecisive and NOT because I'm 'selfish'

I really don't understand the 'bi girls will cheat on you and leave you for a man' thing either. If someones going to cheat on you, it could be with either sex. If someones a cheater, they're a cheater regardless of their sexuality. Being bi has nothing to do with it.

ronnie88

I'm a bi girl, currently in a long term relationship with my boyfriend but increasingly as i get older i feel i need to be recognised as bi. Not because its a rebellion thing or that i have Commitment issues but im not straight i am attracted to women i can relate to my gay friends. I have been relationships with other girls and they have influenced the person i am today so i don't think its right to ignore that side of me just because im now in straight relationship. I feel the straight label doesn't fit and thankfully iv reached a stage where I'm happy to be bi and need this to not be dismissed.

If this rant makes any sense........

OakeyDokey

ronnie88 wrote: »

I'm a bi girl, currently in a long term relationship with my boyfriend but increasingly as i get older i feel i need to be recognised as bi. Not because its a rebellion thing or that i have Commitment issues but im not straight i am attracted to women i can relate to my gay friends. I have been relationships with other girls and they have influenced the person i am today so i don't think its right to ignore that side of me just because im now in straight relationship. I feel the straight label doesn't fit and thankfully iv reached a stage where I'm happy to be bi and need this to not be dismissed.

If this rant makes any sense........

Completely agree with you, it's like your in my head.

I'm also in a serious relationship for the past 5 years with a man and although I have also had relationships with women in the past a lot of people can't seem to get their head around what being bisexual is.

Despite me explaining my sexual orientation to friends they still believe that I used to be a lesbian but am now straight. It can be quite annoying how people look at you while having a chat about this kind of topic but I've learnt to take it all with a pinch of salt. I know who I am and I'm happy with it, my OH is happy and my family are too.

apache

baby and crumble wrote: »

Of course it would be ok with me. First of all, her sexual identity is hers to define as she wishes. Secondly, I am not in any way one of those girls who for some unknown reason thinks that my partner shouldn't fancy anyone but me in the course of their lives. To think that is (IMHO) incredibly niaive. Just as I am free to find other women attractive, she is free to find other women and men attractive. We have our boundaries that we have negotiated with each other throughout our 8 years together. Once those are not overstepped, we can fancy whoever we want. SO long as we come home to each other, that's all that matters.

thanks for the reply. yeah it would be the same as a married man looking at other women. just a bit of window shopping yeah?
i was just interested in your response. cheers.

_Beau_

The reaction that I've gotten from men (not romantic partners) when I've disclosed the fact that I'm bi has always been the same, "Oh, you're up for anything so". That irritates me.

Has anyone else come across that, this notion that a woman who is bi is a bit of a "goer"? (their word, not mine)

OneArt

With regards to biphobia and bisexual erasure, I've gotten a lot. Technically I regard myself as asexual, but I have romantic feelings for both genders. I've been in relationships with both, but whenever I'm with a guy people just assume I'm gay and it does bother me a little bit. After I got out of a relationship with a guy I made a remark to a not-so-close friend about a girl in our class. They just went, "Aren't you gay?"

It still bugs me considerably! I've also noticed that people tend to assume you're gay if you don't show interest in the opposite gender, which happens to me a lot. BUT I don't usually show interest in any gender, but no one ever considers any other options.

Like other posters have said I think sexuality is fluid, but most people (particularly those who are exclusively straight or gay) have a very narrow, black-and-white view of it. One friend of mine told me she didn't believe in bisexuality, "There's just gay and straight." I responded by telling her well how would she know? She's straight so how can she speak for anyone else?

In spite of all this, a couple of my friends are also bisexual or have tendencies (most stick to the opposite gender), and are the only ones who seem to acknowledge bisexuality whereas everyone else seems to brush it off as a phase.

jasper11

i hate the term bi curious. - does it even exist? surely if u find the same sex attractive at times along with op sex then ur bi . simples? or are my been nieve

Aishae

jasper11 wrote: »

i hate the term bi curious. - does it even exist? surely if u find the same sex attractive at times along with op sex then ur bi . simples? or are my been nieve

The reason for that might well be so people can tell themselves it was a phase (regardless if it was or they're in denial) and it also seems to make some feel they have permission to experiment if they call it that....

jaffacakesyum

_Beau_ wrote: »

The reaction that I've gotten from men (not romantic partners) when I've disclosed the fact that I'm bi has always been the same, "Oh, you're up for anything so". That irritates me.

Has anyone else come across that, this notion that a woman who is bi is a bit of a "goer"? (their word, not mine)

Yep I've gotton that too. When a guy I was seeing found out I was bi, I think he just got it into his head that it was a purely sexual thing - I think a lot of men are like that. They assume all bi women just like kissing other girls or sleeping with them - it doesn't cross their mind that bi girls can have serious/romantic relationships with other women :rolleyes:

jasper11 wrote: »

i hate the term bi curious. - does it even exist? surely if u find the same sex attractive at times along with op sex then ur bi . simples? or are my been nieve

Of course it exists. I don't like people hating on bi curious girls either! While it may be frustrating for women like me and other bi/gay women (e.g. if you get interested in a bi curious girl but she isn't decided on being bi/gay), I still wouldn't deny someones right to be bi curious.

There's a lot of hate out there for bi curious girls because they are ''just experimenting''. So what? Would you rather they supress their feelings?

baby and crumble

Weren't we all technically curious at some point?

_Beau_

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Yep I've gotton that too. When a guy I was seeing found out I was bi, I think he just got it into his head that it was a purely sexual thing - I think a lot of men are like that. They assume all bi women just like kissing other girls or sleeping with them - it doesn't cross their mind that bi girls can have serious/romantic relationships with other women :rolleyes:

Yep, you've hit the nail on the head. That's what irritates me - seeing it as solely sexual.

The fact that they gave me the impression that they thought that I was a "goer" because of it makes me reluctant to disclose my sexuality now. Not that there's ever really a need to disclose it, but, I tend to feel like I'm not really being myself by hiding it.

apache

baby and crumble wrote: »

Weren't we all technically curious at some point?

NO!


look i am 100% gay. yes - you heard it 100% lesbian! there is no sexual fluidity for me. yet i hear people harp on about it. i am openminded but isn't it time people who know what they are get some respect too?
only you know where you stand and its a tad patronising sometimes to hear about this sexual fluidity for those who know what we are. theres the other side of the coin.
respect is a two way street.

i never ever ever identified as bi. there are people out there like that yanno.

Aishae

From what I understood in what babyandc said: weren't we all probably bi-curious once (before we realised wherever we actually fell on the spectrum)
I don't know if everyone feels like this but I sure did: when I was a kid I grew up being told its supposed to be boy plus girl. The majority of society seemed to agree (well society seems pretty small when you're a kid) and tv shows for kids reinforced it yet again. It's like being repeatedly told this is how you will grow up to be. So even if you never had a period of uncertainty before realising you were definitely gay its entirely possible to call those thoughts that question social norms, bi-curious thoughts.

Technically it's 'questioning' but they seem pretty similar

apache

Aishae wrote: »

From what I understood in what babyandc said: weren't we all probably bi-curious once (before we realised wherever we actually fell on the spectrum)
I don't know if everyone feels like this but I sure did: when I was a kid I grew up being told its supposed to be boy plus girl. The majority of society seemed to agree (well society seems pretty small when you're a kid) and tv shows for kids reinforced it yet again. It's like being repeatedly told this is how you will grow up to be. So even if you never had a period of uncertainty before realising you were definitely gay its entirely possible to call those thoughts that question social norms, bi-curious thoughts.

Technically it's 'questioning' but they seem pretty similar

eh no actually. i never felt attracted to men/boys. i knew what i was at age 15. and once i got sexual feelings it definitely wasn't for men. i grew up the same as we all did exposed to the media, parents etc. but it didn't feel natural.
i was out as soon as i was sure at 18. to everyone - friends family, school and later college and work. i was quietly confident. if people asked about a boyfriend i put them "straight"
so maybe best to leave it to baby and crumble to elaborate?
i was certainly never ever "bi curious".

edit - and i'm in my 30s now. nada has changed.

Annasopra

apache wrote: »

eh no actually. i never felt attracted to men/boys. i knew what i was at age 15. and once i got sexual feelings it definitely wasn't for men. i grew up the same as we all did exposed to the media, parents etc. but it didn't feel natural.
i was out as soon as i was sure at 18. to everyone - friends family, school and later college and work. i was quietly confident. if people asked about a boyfriend i put them "straight"
so maybe best to leave it to baby and crumble to elaborate?
i was certainly never ever "bi curious".

edit - and i'm in my 30s now. nada has changed.

Fair enough but I think that's unusual. most LGB people would go through a questioning phase.

floggg

Well in your own words you first had sexual feelings for women at 15 but you weren't sure till 18.

Surely then for a three year period, there was doubt, uncertainty, confusion, whatever you want to call it.

Bi curious is an imperfect label but I gather the point is that there was a point at all our lives where we weren't fully sure what our sexual orientation was or should be.

While its easy to say in hindsight that it wasn't a case of curiosity, for anybody going through that phase bi curious is a comfortable term, as it means they don't have to commit to the idea of being gay.

I suppose it's unfortunate for actual bisexuals though because then people tend to see them in the same light as the curious set.

Aishae

That's exactly how I felt: I was afraid to commit to a gay label. Even about 3 years as I came out as bi I had this brief stage where I was worried about what I had committed to. Not because I questioned where things were headed (realising I was actually gay) but because I realised 'there's no going back on something like this - what if things suddenly change in the future?' I thought about it for a few weeks and came to the conclusion that in every other way I was sure of myself. You also can't predict the future but it seemed unlikely I'd change. It was fear.

Committing to a label is a scary thing at first (for some)

TheChief36

I find it incredible that with all the strangeness and diversity in the world, gay, straight, buck angel, hermaphrodites, necorophiliacs, people attracted to inanimate objects and people with magnetic powers that there exists so many gay people that think it is an impossibility for someone to be attracted to people of both genders.

baby and crumble

I just think that given how much society shoves being straight down everyone's throat, it's natural to assume that most, if not all, of us had a moment of "oh, hang on... what's going on here?" I'm not saying everyone goes through a lengthy period of not understanding what's happening. I'm saying that everyone, at some point, had a little frission of something they didn't understand. That's all I meant by 'we were all questioning'. Hell, there are times I see a guy and think "eh, maybe..." and then remember the logistics and how much more i feel for women.

I certainly don't agree with the adage of being either 50/50 or 100% either way. In fact, most bisexual folks I have spoken to have said that while they find both genders attractive, most will in some way "prefer" a particular gender. I don't mean they can choose who they find attractive. But for example I know a few girls who identify as bi who find men sexually attractive, but have always had their relationships with women- they connect better in the social sense with women.

apache

TheChief36 wrote: »

I find it incredible that with all the strangeness and diversity in the world, gay, straight, buck angel, hermaphrodites, necorophiliacs, people attracted to inanimate objects and people with magnetic powers that there exists so many gay people that think it is an impossibility for someone to be attracted to people of both genders.

i don't think anybody here is saying anything of the sort.

stephen_n

apache wrote: »

i don't think anybody here is saying anything of the sort.

I think you will find that opinion is rather prevalent in the gay community and that's what he is referring to I would assume.

sarahbro

Currently in an almost 2 year relationship with my lovely boyfriend. Still identify myself as bi, which he still doesn't understand. We're trying for a baby and hoping to get married but he's like "So....you're straight now?".
It can be quite frustrating.
I still get crushes on women. I have been in relationships with women. I'm bi.
I choose who I reveal my sexual identity to, i'm not ashamed, I've just gotten fed up with the "oh you must have loads of threesomes " etc etc. It gets a bit boring to be honest.
I'm still very proud of who and what I am

KnifeWRENCH

Aishae wrote: »

That's exactly how I felt: I was afraid to commit to a gay label. Even about 3 years as I came out as bi I had this brief stage where I was worried about what I had committed to. Not because I questioned where things were headed (realising I was actually gay) but because I realised 'there's no going back on something like this - what if things suddenly change in the future?' I thought about it for a few weeks and came to the conclusion that in every other way I was sure of myself. You also can't predict the future but it seemed unlikely I'd change. It was fear.

Committing to a label is a scary thing at first (for some)

I can identify with this post a lot. Committing to a label is something I hate.

I've been calling myself bi for the past few years, and I never wanted to end up as one of those people who says they're bi and then ends up just calling themselves gay. But lately it seems increasingly likely that I am actually gay and just don't wanna commit to it.
This is causing me a load of issues;
*I'm still reluctant to say "Hey, I'm gay" because I'm still not 100% sure (though it's looking more like i by the day.)
*I don't wanna contribute to bisexual erasure (which I have always hated) by being just another one of those gay guys who pretends to be bi 'cause it's supposedly easier. :rolleyes: (It isn't easier at all, imo)
*I don't wanna hear choruses of "I told you so" for people who told me I was gay back when I was 100% sure that I was bisexual.

I can never say for definite that I won't end up with a woman. I'm a lot more attracted to guys physically than I am to girls.....but if I call myself gay I kinda feel like I'm committing to never being with a woman. And even though that prospect is unlikely, the idea of closing off the possibility forever doesn't sit right with me. So I'm kinda stuck in label limbo where I'm both bi and gay, and yet I'm neither.

Sorry for waffling a bit but I'm hoping someone else out there can identify with this mindfúck I'm having. This is why I hate labels; can't we all just be happy QUILTBAGS without having to specify which letter we are? :pac:

Annasopra

@knifewrench - pomosexual then?

stephen_n

I suppose you would have to clearly define what being bi is! Some people may well be very firmly bi almost equally attracted to both sexes but as there is supposedly about 30% of the population rigidly hetero and 10% rigidly gay then there is a lot of room for manover in between! Identifying as anything is a personal choice though. It's the same people that want you to do this would be the ones who would then say see you weren't really bi at all just confused when that is not the reality of your experience. I will always be more attracted to females than males and may never be with a man again as I'm in a committed long term relationship but nothing will ever change the fact I have been with men and continue to find men attractive. It really does not matter what I call myself!

_Beau_

_Beau_ wrote: »

The reaction that I've gotten from men (not romantic partners) when I've disclosed the fact that I'm bi has always been the same, "Oh, you're up for anything so". That irritates me.

Has anyone else come across that, this notion that a woman who is bi is a bit of a "goer"? (their word, not mine)

Very much so. I am in a relationship with two girls but we do not always go out at the same time. When I am with one of them in the pub and someone hits on them and they are told "My boyfriend is over there" the guy will always move on.

If however we are all out together and a guy or guy(s) cop the dynamic somehow then we instead get them coming on stronger thinking they are up for anything.

I and they have been asked everything from "would you like another sausage in that festival to even things out" (yes, some guys actually do talk like that it seems) or I have been asked if I would "lend" one of them out as if they are DVDs or some other such merchandise I give out.

So yes I think some guys are infected with the idea that if a girl is anything outside the "ordinary" that this means she is game for anything suggested. By anyone. No matter how crass the suggestion or the construction of the suggestion.

Thankfully it has never been something to irratate us. If some guys want to demean themselves so be it. It says more about them than us.

KnifeWRENCH

mango salsa wrote: »

@knifewrench - pomosexual then?

Argh, I always hated that one! Someone who hates labels identifying as a label; I have to wonder what bright spark came up with it?

Also when I hear pom I usually think of those little pomeranian dogs, so the word "pomosexual" implies something altogether more disturbing! :pac:

baby and crumble

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

Also when I hear pom I usually think of those little pomeranian dogs, so the word "pomosexual" implies something altogether more disturbing! :pac:

Thanks for that, 7up all over my screen now!!

apache

baby and crumble wrote: »

I just think that given how much society shoves being straight down everyone's throat, it's natural to assume that most, if not all, of us had a moment of "oh, hang on... what's going on here?" I'm not saying everyone goes through a lengthy period of not understanding what's happening. I'm saying that everyone, at some point, had a little frission of something they didn't understand. That's all I meant by 'we were all questioning'. Hell, there are times I see a guy and think "eh, maybe..." and then remember the logistics and how much more i feel for women.

thats grand. i understand what you are saying. it was a blanket statement thrown out and thats why i disagreed.

i'm not just talking about you here when i say its also important to give gay people the credit they are due. its as bad as being biphobic in my opinion when you disregard rigid sexuality in heterosexuals or homosexuals.
my parents are rigid in their sexuality (i know i went there :eek:) as much as i am in mine. that is how i see it. it is that black and white to a lot of people.

apache

floggg wrote: »

Well in your own words you first had sexual feelings for women at 15 but you weren't sure till 18.

Surely then for a three year period, there was doubt, uncertainty, confusion, whatever you want to call it.

Bi curious is an imperfect label but I gather the point is that there was a point at all our lives where we weren't fully sure what our sexual orientation was or should be.

While its easy to say in hindsight that it wasn't a case of curiosity, for anybody going through that phase bi curious is a comfortable term, as it means they don't have to commit to the idea of being gay.

I suppose it's unfortunate for actual bisexuals though because then people tend to see them in the same light as the curious set.

no i knew what i was but i didn't understand it. i knew noone like me. i thought i was a weirdo :P theres a difference.
by the time i was 18 i had met people like me and knew it was ok. there was no point in my life where i was attracted to men. i can appreciate a good looking man and have a lot of male friends but at no point was there sexual feelings so i was not bi curious.

i agree with your last statement.

Alopex

_Beau_ wrote: »

The reaction that I've gotten from men (not romantic partners) when I've disclosed the fact that I'm bi has always been the same, "Oh, you're up for anything so". That irritates me.

Has anyone else come across that, this notion that a woman who is bi is a bit of a "goer"? (their word, not mine)

Girls who are open about being bi are often highly sexual/easy. Its like if you are black people will suspect you are trying to scam them in some way.

Humans are an awful prejudiced bunch

baby and crumble

Alopex wrote: »

Girls who are open about being bi are often highly sexual/easy. Its like if you are black people will suspect you are trying to scam them in some way.

Humans are an awful prejudiced bunch

Are you stating that as a fact, your opinion or as something other people think? Because I can't quite figure out your meaning behind it.

Alopex

baby and crumble wrote: »

Are you stating that as a fact, your opinion or as something other people think? Because I can't quite figure out your meaning behind it.

They often are. In teen-30 age group anyway.

You seem a bit pissed off with the remark. Often doesn't mean all or even a majority.

Also its just a correlation. If someone is confident enough to be open about being highly sexual they're more likely the type of person to not care about people knowing they're bi.

Whereas take a more reserved bi girl/ she's probably also more likely to be reserved about revealing being bi

_Beau_

Alopex wrote: »

Often doesn't mean all or even a majority.

Essentially, all it means is that this is your opinion.

I admire your bravery, expressing an irrational view without worrying how it might make you appear.

Alopex

_Beau_ wrote: »

Essentially, all it means is that this is your opinion.

I admire your bravery, expressing an irrational view without worrying how it might make you appear.

Less of the snide backhandery please. If you're going to insult me just come out with it, I won't cry.

Anyway, I wasn't trying to back up the idea that bi girls are inherently likely to be more "up for it", I was trying to offer an explanation for why that is the general perception.

I believe it is because a lot of younger women who are outgoing bi/lipstick lesbians also happen to be highly sexual/easy. This type of person is often open about being bi. Therefore people associate bisexuals with this type of person.

This of course does not suggest all (nor even a significant percentage) bi women are like this, its just people aren't as likely to know a more reserved girl is bi.

baby and crumble

Alopex wrote: »

Less of the snide backhandery please. If you're going to insult me just come out with it, I won't cry.

Anyway, I wasn't trying to back up the idea that bi girls are inherently likely to be more "up for it", I was trying to offer an explanation for why that is the general perception.

I believe it is because a lot of younger women who are outgoing bi/lipstick lesbians also happen to be highly sexual/easy. This type of person is often open about being bi. Therefore people associate bisexuals with this type of person.

This of course does not suggest all (nor even a significant percentage) bi women are like this, its just people aren't as likely to know a more reserved girl is bi.

I know that you're explaining perceptions here, Alopex, but that statement which I have highlighted is contrary to the forum charter, and is really not appropriate for this forum. Please think before you post in here again. You will get an infraction if you keep posting these kind of remarks. Thanks.

Kanoe

Alopex wrote: »

This of course does not suggest all (nor even a significant percentage) bi women are like this, its just people aren't as likely to know a more reserved girl is bi.

by reserved do you mean ugly?

(and by highly sexual do you mean attractive?)

floggg

His language is unfortunate but he MAY have a point. I don't think I have ever knowingly net a bi woman so I don't know much about them.

But there is merit in the argument that a certain loud minority can give rise to unfair clichés and stereotypes.

Most gay men and women aren't stereotypes and generally tend to blend into the background in that you wouldn't know they were gay unless you were told. Then there are the flamboyant extras from Will and Grace who are very visible. Unfortunately as they are most visible some people tend to equate being gay with that sort of persona.

It is possible that there are a slutty few who give bi woman a bad name so to speak, though I imagine the negative stereotypes have as much to do with a lack of understanding of bisexuality than anything else.

Alopex

Kanoe wrote: »

by reserved do you mean ugly?

(and by highly sexual do you mean attractive?)

no nothing to do with attractiveness. Just less open about their sexuality and quieter people in general.

dreamer_ire

floggg wrote: »

His language is unfortunate but he MAY have a point. I don't think I have ever knowingly net a bi woman so I don't know much about them.

But there is merit in the argument that a certain loud minority can give rise to unfair clichés and stereotypes.

Most gay men and women aren't stereotypes and generally tend to blend into the background in that you wouldn't know they were gay unless you were told. Then there are the flamboyant extras from Will and Grace who are very visible. Unfortunately as they are most visible some people tend to equate being gay with that sort of persona.

It is possible that there are a slutty few who give bi woman a bad name so to speak, though I imagine the negative stereotypes have as much to do with a lack of understanding of bisexuality than anything else.

I have big issues with any woman being described as a slut or slutty.

I think what the Op is trying to say, and also using very unfortunate turn of phrase, is that you don't know anyone's sexual orientation unless they either tell you or you see it first hand. I am assuming that what he is trying to say is that those, and not just women, who are open about sex and their orientation are highly sexual. This does not however translate into bi people being highly sexual... in fact I'd put money on that that Op is referring to the small number of women who kiss other women merely to get a man's attention or for his titilation. His lack of understanding of what it means to be bi I believe is based on these displays, when the reality is that a lot of the women who engage is these diaplys aren't even bi!

stephen_n

The thing about it is though, that despite the rampant and visible promiscuity among heterosexuals it is never voiced as a sweeping statement that straight women are easy even though that view point would have more validity given demographics. I would think that misconception is less based on behaviour and more on ignorance of what bisexuality means! It wouldn't really matter how many bi people were genuinely promiscuous the preconception already exists if they will be with both sexes then they are easy.

Alopex

dreamer_ire wrote: »

I have big issues with any woman being described as a slut or slutty.

I think what the Op is trying to say, and also using very unfortunate turn of phrase, is that you don't know anyone's sexual orientation unless they either tell you or you see it first hand. I am assuming that what he is trying to say is that those, and not just women, who are open about sex and their orientation are highly sexual. This does not however translate into bi people being highly sexual... in fact I'd put money on that that Op is referring to the small number of women who kiss other women merely to get a man's attention or for his titilation. His lack of understanding of what it means to be bi I believe is based on these displays, when the reality is that a lot of the women who engage is these diaplys aren't even bi!

what it means to be bi is being attracted to both genders to some degree. nothing more nothing less

EmmaAstra

While I can understand, and empathise, with the bi-women who've previously posted about not revealing past relationships with women, I do feel that a lot of this uncertainty is based on insecurities, from all sides. It's mentioning this to a group of work buddies in a bid to broaden their horizions, but this unfortunately it turning into to some mean office gossip, for example.

Bottom line: share this info when you are secure enough to explain it.

Another thought- the trouble is that people are magnificent and complex and a lot of people out there have had same-sex experiences but chose not to talk about it.

cianisgood

I heard the most shocking thing a while ago and wonder what you think about it.
There was a woman on the radio and she was talking about her son coming out as gay/bi and she said " he told me he was bi and i told him to stop lying because i don't believe in bi-sexuals i think they're just greedy people" and the radio presenter just went "ye ye" i mean if she had of said that about gay people there would have been murder . She forced her son to choose between being gay or straight because of her stupid beliefs