Married but been with a guy

MarriedButBi

Hi. As the subject says, I am married, and I have been with a guy recently. I dont really know where to start with all this, nor what to do. I dont think it is going to harm my relationship with my wife, well not unless she was to fnd out. I feel only moderately guilty about it. And I already want to explore more. I'd have no interest being with another woman, although I am very attracted to women, but I have a woman I am attracted to. Its just the man side of things she cant fulfill, like she does not have a mans body, at the risk of stating the bleeding obvious.

I suppose it's a simple question of either giving into my desire or denying it. Is this something lots of people encounter? What have people done about it before - would counselling help or something like that? I've always been totally faithful, been tempted by and propositioned by hot women, but I wouldnt do that. But this is different, in my head anyway.

I've kind of known forever that I am not simple-straight. When I was younger, early teens, I played around a bit with one of my friends. He was a little older than me, and we liked each other. It was more physical, i.e. not kissing/hugging. I've always had, on and off, fantasies about trying things with a guy again, but never put my place in the situation to make it happen. So maybe I just dont put myself in that situation again.

I suppose its no major drama really, its just I want to get my head around by seeing if other people have all this stuff flying around their head. I know I'm not gay because I fancy women. But now I am having loads and loads of fantasies about men, reading gay porn on net etc. It's all become a bit much.

Aishae

Hi OP, I understand the desire to explore your sexuality but being bi doesn't give someone an excuse to cheat. I understand the desire i do But most people I've heard talk about this issue are very vehement about it being cheating.

But! You could explore your sexuality without sex. Theres the Gay porn etc. Even animated sex games online.

I can't really say if it's a common feeling that by being with a woman only you're missing out on men. I thought I was bi for a few years but I never felt like that because when I commit, I commit (and later discovered I'm definitely a ladyfan)

I do think; from your post, I gather you feel 'well it isn't hurting my wife, I still love her etc' but that sounds like one of the classic excuses used for cheating.


I hope you can figure out where your head is at and resolve it without massive fallout op.

azezil

MarriedButBi wrote: »

I've always been totally faithful, been tempted by and propositioned by hot women, but I wouldnt do that. But this is different, in my head anyway.

And that's where you'd be wrong.
It is cheating, simple as.

Dwn Wth Vwls

MarriedButBi wrote: »

I suppose it's a simple question of either giving into my desire or denying it.

I think this is your problem here, you need the third option. Denying anything leads you to a bad place. Cheating on your wife is not fair to her. All you can do is accept your desires, but deal with them in the same way you deal with desires for other women. Appreciate other men, look at all the porn you want, but draw the line at cheating. Do you really want to be one of those guys running around behind his wife's back?

I'd suggest telling your wife, but she would undoubtedly ask if you had cheated with a man. So it's probably a bit late for that.

apache

no comment

i hate cheating gay, straight, trans or "bi". i'm lady gagas little monster!

MarriedButBi

Thanks for the replies.

I know it goes no further than - its cheating.

I will continue to explore my sexuality with porn, stories etc. I dont think that telling her will work out for either of us...

Locker10a

MarriedButBi wrote: »

I've always been totally faithful, been tempted by and propositioned by hot women, but I wouldnt do that. But this is different, in my head anyway.

.

ZERO difference ! Your a cheater. Stop trying to convince yourself your not ! Its plain and simple! You either grab a hold of youself, cop on and love your wife or you end things here to fulfil your sexual desires ! You decide !
both is not an option.

p.s. cheaters always get caught:mad:

Aishae

Something to consider OP: embracing your sexuality doesn't mean you have to have sex with a man. You love your wife, so that is enough surely? Plenty of people who identify as gay or bi never have been with someone of the same sex sexually.

WonderWoman!

I don't condone cheating - which is what i feel you'd be doing - so sorry

MarriedButBi

I'm under no illusion - I know I cheated.

Thanks Aishae, I think I will take ur advice. I actually told her years ago that I was bi, after a night out, when we were having sex, but its never been mentioned since and I think she genuinely does not remember!

foggy_lad

From your comment about your wife not having a mans body would it help your situation if you were able to introduce certain sex toys in the bedroom? It seemed like you were saying you wanted something she is not physically able to give you but an adult store may have a solution?

dreamer_ire

MarriedButBi wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

I know it goes no further than - its cheating.

I will continue to explore my sexuality with porn, stories etc. I dont think that telling her will work out for either of us...

I don't think that not telling her will work out for either of you tbh. If you have a good relationship with her it's only a matter of time before she realises you are keeping something from her, and lets be honest if you have cheated before with only mild guilt do you really think you won't do it again?

You do need to talk to her, and the sooner the better imo.

stephen_n

Would it be considered embracing your sexuality if you were hetero and having sex with women other than your wife? I'm Bi I don't need to be having sex with men to explore that, understand it or for that matter embrace it. I'm in a monogamous relationship with a women and therefore I don't have sex with anyone else regardless of gender but it doesn't make me any less Bi.

Coeurdepirate

Sorry op, but I don't think you're gonna get much advice here on how to cheat.

bodice ripper

MarriedButBi wrote: »

I've always been totally faithful, been tempted by and propositioned by hot women, but I wouldnt do that. But this is different, in my head anyway.

for a forum where everyone goes ape**** about denying people's identities, it is amazing how certainly everyone gets to feel about this statement not being true....

if it is different for you - then it is. don't let other people tell you how *you* feel about it. don't let other people tell you that beacuse they are bi and are fulfilled sexually by one gender that you should be too. their experience of being bi is not yours and there is no consensus experience.

if you feel you need men and women to be sated sexually, no one can tell you that you are wrong. consenting adults and all that...

which is the issue unfortunately - your missus is not consenting to being involved, as she doesn't know. that is not ok.

moceri

You need to consider how you would feel if you found out if your wife had relations with another woman and took the same view as you do. You need to evaluate what you want in terms of a life partner who will satisfy you emotionally and physically. Don't live a lie and don't think you can lead a double life and keep it from your wife. Talk to her.

floggg

Seriously, what position is anybody in to say to this man to tell his wife without knowing either of them or their circumstances? It's great and all being able to give out advice from behind a computer screen, but there are real people involved. I don't know if they have kids or what but that could have pretty big consequences. it should be up to thr OP to decide if when and what he tells his wife.

Im not going to encourage or condone the cheating, but there is no point in judging him. It won't do anything, other than maybe make him reluctant to post again and try to deal with this other ways which might cause more hurt for all involved.

OP what I will say from my own experience is that casual sex won't help you figure things out. It will only provide some temporary relief.

It was only when I worked it out in my head did it all make sense. It might help to talk to somebody about it. I understand obviously that you may not want to talk to people close to the both of you but a trusted friend, or counsellor or something might help. Until you tackle it mentally though casual sex won't do anything, only add to the confusion.

easychair

floggg wrote: »

Im not going to encourage or condone the cheating, but there is no point in judging him.

Are you judging someone here is judging him?

None of us has the power to suspend our faculties of judgement, although it is often ironic that those who tell others not to judge are, themselves, judging those who are judging others.

I am quite heartened by the lack of equivocation here. I've used a certain well known gay website in the past, and was often shocked that many men there, who had partners whether male or female, seemed to have no shame at all about the fact that they were openly deceiving their partners. Not only were they deceiving their partners, but they talked about it as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

There is a whole spectrum of gay/str8, and we are all someone there. While I understand the desire of many men, for otehr men, who have made a commitment to a woman, no one held a gun to their head and forced them to make a commitment.

One has to wonder why they made this commitment, as being attracted to other men isn't something which came suddenly upon them at a later time.

The one thing we owe our partners is honesty, and it just isn't good enough to think it's ok to deceive ones partner.

stephen_n

easychair wrote: »

One has to wonder why they made this commitment, as being attracted to other men isn't something which came suddenly upon them at a later time.

partner.

And you know this how???

MarriedButBi

Aishae wrote: »

Something to consider OP: embracing your sexuality doesn't mean you have to have sex with a man. You love your wife, so that is enough surely? Plenty of people who identify as gay or bi never have been with someone of the same sex sexually.

thanks, helpful post

moceri wrote: »

You need to consider how you would feel if you found out if your wife had relations with another woman and took the same view as you do. You need to evaluate what you want in terms of a life partner who will satisfy you emotionally and physically. Don't live a lie and don't think you can lead a double life and keep it from your wife. Talk to her.

I dont want to lead a double life, nor hide stuff. I think talking to someone about it will help, so am heading that direction.

floggg wrote: »

Seriously, what position is anybody in to say to this man to tell his wife without knowing either of them or their circumstances? It's great and all being able to give out advice from behind a computer screen, but there are real people involved. I don't know if they have kids or what but that could have pretty big consequences. it should be up to thr OP to decide if when and what he tells his wife.

Im not going to encourage or condone the cheating, but there is no point in judging him. It won't do anything, other than maybe make him reluctant to post again and try to deal with this other ways which might cause more hurt for all involved.

OP what I will say from my own experience is that casual sex won't help you figure things out. It will only provide some temporary relief.

It was only when I worked it out in my head did it all make sense. It might help to talk to somebody about it. I understand obviously that you may not want to talk to people close to the both of you but a trusted friend, or counsellor or something might help. Until you tackle it mentally though casual sex won't do anything, only add to the confusion.

Thanks for this. I'm going to talk to a counsellor and see how I get on. I may talk to herself, and talk about introducing sex toys, as another helpful post suggested. She's quite a complex mixture of conservative & on-for-anthing, so that might go either way

easychair

stephen_n wrote: »

And you know this how???

I've never met anyone who was sexually attracted to one sex for many years, and then suddenly their attraction changes.

In any case that's not really relevant.

We can all understand how difficult that it must be to be, basically, gay and in a str8 marriage.

At the time of making the commitment to ones spouse, it's hard to believe that one had no inkling that one was not entirely str8.

If, after making this commitment to someone else, one decides one is no longer able to keep to that commitment, then the honerable thing to do is to discuss that with the spouse, and decide on a course of action.

To me, it's not acceptable behaviour to decide to forget ones commitment, and just go ahead and pretend one never made a commitment.

stephen_n

easychair wrote: »

I've never met anyone who was sexually attracted to one sex for many years, and then suddenly their attraction changes.

commitment.

Well you have now!

WonderWoman!

easychair wrote: »

I've never met anyone who was sexually attracted to one sex for many years, and then suddenly their attraction changes.

thats not to say they dont exist

easychair

stephen_n wrote: »

Well you have now!

I wonder how that happens. One day a man is happily heterosexual, having never before been sexually attracted to a man, and then ABRACADABRA!, something happens and he is suddenly primarily attracted to other men.

apache

easychair wrote: »

I wonder how that happens. One day a man is happily heterosexual, having never before been sexually attracted to a man, and then ABRACADABRA!, something happens and he is suddenly primarily attracted to other men.

i don't understand it either easychair but i know a few people like that. i also know a couple who are girls who are married who both identify as bisexuals. i don't understand that either.
i also know a lot of straight homophobic men who go to rent boys. i don't understand that either.
i really don't care what anybody does as long as it dosen't affect me or hurt others.
it is a huge spectrum of sexuality and some of us who are rigid in what we believe in and feel do find it difficult to understand others who are a lot more "fluid" for want of a better word.

never the twain shall meet.

Annasopra

easychair wrote: »

I wonder how that happens. One day a man is happily heterosexual, having never before been sexually attracted to a man, and then ABRACADABRA!, something happens and he is suddenly primarily attracted to other men.

That's what Stephen just said - yes

jaffacakesyum

apache wrote: »

i don't understand it either easychair but i know a few people like that. i also know a couple who are girls who are married who both identify as bisexuals. i don't understand that either.
i also know a lot of straight homophobic men who go to rent boys. i don't understand that either.
i really don't care what anybody does as long as it dosen't affect me or hurt others.
it is a huge spectrum of sexuality and some of us who are rigid in what we believe in and feel do find it difficult to understand others who are a lot more "fluid" for want of a better word.

never the twain shall meet.

Yes because it's shocking that bisexuals (i.e. people who are attracted to both sexes) can settle down and marry?? :rolleyes:

L.Jenkins

It is possible. I find my own sexuality is in question at the moment and I seem to be giving it alot of thought lately. I've always been attracted to woman, but for some reason I seem to be more inclined to hetrosexuality lately. Maybe it's just me, but sexual attraction does change.

stephen_n

easychair wrote: »

I wonder how that happens. One day a man is happily heterosexual, having never before been sexually attracted to a man, and then ABRACADABRA!, something happens and he is suddenly primarily attracted to other men.

So bisexual men do not exist in your experience?

I was never consciously aware of being attracted to men till I was 32. That doesn't mean I wasn't just means I was not aware of it and in that time I had been married and even separated so it does happen!

apache

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Yes because it's shocking that bisexuals (i.e. people who are attracted to both sexes) can settle down and marry?? :rolleyes:

i never said it was shocking. i'm just being honest in saying i don't understand it. i'm not ignorant. far from it.
and if you read what i said i said it was difficult for others to understand others. we all have our own mojo. it is only natural to be drawn towards others who feel the same.

jaffacakesyum

apache wrote: »

i never said it was shocking. i'm just being honest in saying i don't understand it. i'm not ignorant. far from it.

What don't you understand? You said they were 2 girls right?

Well then, bisexual girl A (who is attracted to men and women) meets bisexual girl B (who is attracted to men and women). They form a relationship (seeing as they're both attracted to women).

I'm not trying to be a smart arse here, I just don't understand what's complicated about that?

klay100

MarriedButBi wrote: »

. I dont think it is going to harm my relationship with my wife,

[/B]

I was in a similar situation to you recently, albeit I wasnt married but still in a long term committed relationship with a girl. I went behind her back and started hooking up with a guy. I didnt feel too much guilt either and got away with it at the begining. I probably thought great I can have the best of both worlds. Eventually guilt did catch up with me and I did tell my girlfriend the whole truth. It was one of the messiest, most horrible times of my life. In hindsight, I should have been honest with her and told her before meeting up with the guy or the other less honourable way would have been to tell her I was curious about guys and leave out the fact that I'd cheated. In the end I told her everything and she was devastated, and still is 6 months or more down the line. And that guilt that I didnt feel when I was cheating on her is still with me 4-fold. Youve got to remember that its not just you your affecting but others who you should care and have respect for.It already has harmed your relationship with your wife, youve betrayed her to fulfill your own sexual desires.
I know I cant really preach but you could learn from my mistakes, I cheated,came out to my ex & parents,dealt with a break up with my ex, dealt with being disowned by my parents, while starting a new relationship with a guy. I wouldnt wish for anyone to go through all that in the space of a few weeks.
Now my ex still hates me, I have lost/pushed away a lot of "our" old friends to some extent, partly because of being ashamed/embarrased of cheating on my ex and sleeping with a guy.
My relationship with my parents is extremely strained, I talked to them on the phone yesterday for the first time in a month.

MarriedButBi wrote: »

Is this something lots of people encounter? What have people done about it before - .

[/B]
I've told you above what I have done about it. Hopefully you might learn something from my mistakes.

MarriedButBi wrote: »

I suppose its no major drama really, its just I want to get my head around by seeing if other people have all this stuff flying around their head. I know I'm not gay because I fancy women. But now I am having loads and loads of fantasies about men, reading gay porn on net etc. It's all become a bit much.

I went through the same process of denial, trying to put it to the back of my mind, hoping that those feelings would go away. They didnt, they just built up more and more til eventually I acted on them.

Just to put it in perspective you say your not gay but you still fantasise about guys and read gay porn and have been with a guy 2+2=????

I know its a hard thing to get your head around but first off you try and be honest with yourself and to those around you. For me it was kinda like a journey and I still have a long way to go, coming out at work, coming out to most of my friends and it frightens the bejaysus out of me.

One bit of advice I can give you is be honest with yourself and those you care about and treat them with respect and as youd like to be treated.

easychair

stephen_n wrote: »

So bisexual men do not exist in your experience?

I was never consciously aware of being attracted to men till I was 32. That doesn't mean I wasn't just means I was not aware of it and in that time I had been married and even separated so it does happen!

Did you have a partner by the time you were 32, and if so how did you deal with it with your partner?

The point is in danger of being obscured, and the point is that if one makes a commitment to a partner, and then if, for whatever reason, one decided they can no longer keep that commitment, how do they deal with that.

My view is that the right thing to do is to discuss it with the partner to whome one has made a commitment, and not to just change teh arrangement without telling the partner to whom one has made the commitment.

stephen_n

Once again I would disagree with you. The point is as always that sex and sexuality are two independent themes and that the OP does not need to be having sex with other people to understand or express his sexuality. The fact that he cheated is ancillary to his question and his post!

In answer to your question I was with a partner at the time and it was due to her struggles with sexuality that I ended up looking at my own sexuality and embracing what should have been seen a long time before!

stephen_n

klay100 wrote: »

[/]

Just to put it in perspective you say your not gay but you still fantasise about guys and read gay porn and have been with a guy 2+2=????

treated.

That is just blatant bi-phobia there! You should learn that between black and white there is a lot of colour!!!!

easychair

stephen_n wrote: »

Once again I would disagree with you. The point is as always that sex and sexuality are two independent themes and that the OP does not need to be having sex with other people to understand or express his sexuality. The fact that he cheated is ancillary to his question and his post!

In answer to your question I was with a partner at the time and it was due to her struggles with sexuality that I ended up looking at my own sexuality and embracing what should have been seen a long time before!

Why do you say "what should have been a long time before". I thought your contention was that sexual preference can change suddenly and almost without warning. Anyhow, lets agree that its up to each of us to deal with this as best we can for ourselves. My position is that the commitment made to another should come before ones personal desires, and if one can't do that then ones partner should be the first to know.

ninty9er

Your say your wife is a strange mix of conservative and up for anything. Are you only physically attracted to this guy, or is it possible you could develop an emotional bond?

If it's the former then if you suggested your wife share you in the bedroom she may be quite relieved to find she's not competing with anyone for your love, and even more relieved that it's a man and not some competition that could create body image issues for her.

If it's the latter you need to see a counsellor, first on your own, then with your wife.

As much as it might hurt if it's scenario B then you and your wife may be better off apart.

A good counsellor will work through these things with you, a bad one will tell you what you want to hear. So write down what you WANT to hear, give it to him/her and say you want an honest steer.

I'd hate to be in your situation, but it's one that can be worked through just so long as you're honest about it.

Newsite

MarriedButBi wrote: »

Hi. As the subject says, I am married, and I have been with a guy recently. I dont really know where to start with all this, nor what to do. I dont think it is going to harm my relationship with my wife, well not unless she was to fnd out. I feel only moderately guilty about it. And I already want to explore more. I'd have no interest being with another woman, although I am very attracted to women, but I have a woman I am attracted to. Its just the man side of things she cant fulfill, like she does not have a mans body, at the risk of stating the bleeding obvious.

I suppose it's a simple question of either giving into my desire or denying it. Is this something lots of people encounter? What have people done about it before - would counselling help or something like that? I've always been totally faithful, been tempted by and propositioned by hot women, but I wouldnt do that. But this is different, in my head anyway.

I've kind of known forever that I am not simple-straight. When I was younger, early teens, I played around a bit with one of my friends. He was a little older than me, and we liked each other. It was more physical, i.e. not kissing/hugging. I've always had, on and off, fantasies about trying things with a guy again, but never put my place in the situation to make it happen. So maybe I just dont put myself in that situation again.

I suppose its no major drama really, its just I want to get my head around by seeing if other people have all this stuff flying around their head. I know I'm not gay because I fancy women. But now I am having loads and loads of fantasies about men, reading gay porn on net etc. It's all become a bit much.

Seems like you have your answer right there.

klay100

stephen_n wrote: »

That is just blatant bi-phobia there! You should learn that between black and white there is a lot of colour!!!!

Yea your dead right. At the moment I would describe myself as bi. But Im in a gay relationship with a guy. He hates it when I describe myself as bi. Talking to my ex gf she was persistent in asking me if I was gay or str8, there was no middle ground, make your choice and stick with it so to speak. I dont like the idea of being put in a box or being branded or labelled as one or the other but when your in a relationship whether same sex or opposite dont you kind of have to make a concrete decision, otherwise your putting it out there that you could be with the other sex which in the mind of your partner says that "Oh you could go with someone else of either sex",increasing the likelihood of uncertanty and possible infidelity. It couldnt lie easy on the mind of your partner.
It is blurring the lines of sex and sexuality and lumping them together.
Im kinda of the opinion that describing yourself as bisexual is kinda a stepping stone on the way to coming out. I also have the opinion that you should only describe yourself as bisexual if you are single or not in a committed relationship. That might be a bit narrow-minded im not sure, I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I wake up next to a guy every morning who I'm in love with.

Meesared

Have to admit I don't understand your logic there. I don't think being in a relationship changes your sexual orientation!

stephen_n

As Meesared said how could a relationship define who I am. I don't fall in to categories sometimes for convinience I will term myself bi but realistically that's just a general term! I am a human who is attracted to other humans their anatomy is irellevant to me! If I'm in a healthy relationship then that doesn't change, if I stop being who I am in any sense to be in a relationship them i'm lost. Who I'm attracted to has no bearing on that relationship and if anyone thinks I'm more likely to cheat because i'm attracted to both sexes then they have an issue not me!

Should you stop referring to yourself as Gay or Hetero if your in a relationship as to do so would suggest your not committed! Suggesting that bi people are incapable of monogamy is no less ignorant than suggesting gay people can not have long term relationships and be faithful!

easychair

stephen_n wrote: »

if I stop being who I am in any sense to be in a relationship them i'm lost.

How can any of us stop being who we are? We are who we are, and don't have the ability to stop being who we are and be someone else.

Sometimes who we are might be that we are confused. And sometimes we can see with amazing flashes of clarity. We are still who we are, in every situation.

stephen_n

easychair wrote: »

How can any of us stop being who we are? We are who we are, and don't have the ability to stop being who we are and be someone else.

Sometimes who we are might be that we are confused. And sometimes we can see with amazing flashes of clarity. We are still who we are, in every situation.

People stop being themselves all the time it's called being incongruent! Or being in denial, if you think you are yourself all the time then fair play to you, you must be a very evolved human being but quite honestly I doubt it! Changing yourself because you are in a relationship is not confusion it is loosing your individuality and suggesting that someone who stops being bi-sexual because their partner is male or female could only be understood as stoping being yourself to suit your situation!

easychair

stephen_n wrote: »

People stop being themselves all the time it's called being incongruent! Or being in denial

That's an interesting argument. If someone is "in denial" you judge they are no longer themselves. Whereas I'd argue that being in denial is part of who they are.

stephen_n wrote: »

if you think you are yourself all the time then fair play to you,

I simply don't know who else to be, and I can't be anyone but myself.

stephen_n wrote: »

Changing yourself because you are in a relationship is not confusion

Then changing yourself is part of who you are. Just because someone has the ability to change doesn't mean they stop being who they are. I'd agrue that we all have the ability to change, and that ability to change makes us who we are.

stephen_n wrote: »

stoping being yourself to suit your situation!

I really have no idea how someone stops being themself and starts to be someone else. If you mean someone adapts to suit their situation, than that adaptability is part of who they are.

We are who we are, and we are who we choose to be. I don't have the ability to be anyone other than who I am, and neither does anyone else.

stephen_n

So basically everything you are saying is trying to back up my point that you can't stop being bi just because you are in a relationship?

But you do obviously have a very separated sense of self, since you believe that trying to change who you are to suit someone else is a valid form of change and therefore that other people form part of your personality! That by the way is exactly how you could be someone other than yourself!

easychair

stephen_n wrote: »

So basically everything you are saying is trying to back up my point that you can't stop being bi just because you are in a relationship?

But you do obviously have a very separated sense of self, since you believe that trying to change who you are to suit someone else is a valid form of change and therefore that other people form part of your personality! That by the way is exactly how you could be someone other than yourself!

I have no idea what a separated send of self means, and am not myself a fan of pop psychology. My psychiatrist friends, and qualified psychologist friends, tell me to treat a diagnosis over the internet with caution, as they point out that no properly qualified person would ever attempt to make a diagnosis over the internet.

TheChief36

Original poster messed up. He needs to tell his partner right away or his relationship isn't worth a damn.

stephen_n

easychair wrote: »

I have no idea what a separated send of self means, and am not myself a fan of pop psychology. My psychiatrist friends, and qualified psychologist friends, tell me to treat a diagnosis over the internet with caution, as they point out that no properly qualified person would ever attempt to make a diagnosis over the internet.

Well in that case you should ask your learned friends to explain the word diagnosis to you as although you can spell it you clearly have no idea what the word means and maybe they will be kind enough to explain it to you. I find it quite telling that you feel the need to back up every argument you make with and my friends agree with me nah nah nah. Anyway we are a million miles off topic I think I'll refrain from responding to you unless you have something valid to say on topic.

easychair

stephen_n wrote: »

easychair wrote: »

I have no idea what a separated send of self means, and am not myself a fan of pop psychology. My psychiatrist friends, and qualified psychologist friends, tell me to treat a diagnosis over the internet with caution, as they point out that no properly qualified person would ever attempt to make a diagnosis over the internet.

Well in that case you should ask your learned friends to explain the word diagnosis to you as although you can spell it you clearly have no idea what the word means and maybe they will be kind enough to explain it to you. I find it quite telling that you feel the need to back up every argument you make with and my friends agree with me nah nah nah. Anyway we are a million miles off topic I think I'll refrain from responding to you unless you have something valid to say on topic.

I have done as you suggested and the two of my friends who I asked both say you display classic symptoms of what they call passive aggressive behaviour. They both make a point of printing out that they are not making a diagnosis of you as a person, but are making an observation of behavior.

Meesared

easychair wrote: »

I have done as you suggested and the two of my friends who I asked both say you display classic symptoms of what they call passive aggressive behaviour. They both make a point of printing out that they are not making a diagnosis of you as a person, but are making an observation of behavior.

Seriously? :rolleyes:

easychair

Meesared wrote: »

easychair wrote: »

I have done as you suggested and the two of my friends who I asked both say you display classic symptoms of what they call passive aggressive behaviour. They both make a point of printing out that they are not making a diagnosis of you as a person, but are making an observation of behavior.

Seriously? :rolleyes:

What they both say is that, in a dialogue (such as this), it is well recognised that when one party swoops in to make a point, and then effectively deprives another party a chance to take them up or discuss the point by saying "this is my last word and I will not be continuing to discuss any more" then that is classical passive aggressive behavior.