Imaginary Man

ShizDink

Hello

I was reading a book recently, where a woman talks about how women conjour up moments or events in their mind with a guy that they like. Daydreaming of a sort but with a lot of detail added in. She talked about how one woman spent so much time day dreaming about a guy in her office, they had managed to go out on a date, fall in love, go on weekends away, to the point where on one occasion he brought her to the wrong place (or something to that effect) and she ended up being annoyed with him (all in her mind), and in real life they guy couldn't understand why she was pissed with him! (the book is called 'How to be a Woman' by Caitlin Moran btw, very funny read).
The point is, I do this myself! not entire imaginary relationships, but to the extent imagining first encounters with a guy I like. Then this progresses to maybe a trip to another country together, all the time in detail. This may seem scary to a guy reading this, but I think there is a purpose for it. Women feel more attracted to guys on a mental and emotional level over purely physical. Maybe we do this as a method of foreplay, as opposed to dressing him up in suspenders and lace?? Does anyone else find themselves doing this? I thought I just had an over active (and slightly stalkerish) imagination, until I read that book I'm currently doing it with someone who I don't know, and I'm thinking it might not be healthy. It fills in the gaps (which is currently everything as I have never spoken with this man!) with all postive thoughts about this person. He basically has a heads up for whenever I meet him because I've already conjured up the good times we will have! but then is this just the same a guy imagining us in lingerie before he undresses us? I've done this before with someone who I ended up falling in love with so it can't be all bad. Still strange none the less

Scealta_saol

But don't you feel that maybe if you ever get to know this guy you're imagining that he won't be able to live up to the imaginary version of him you've created?

parker kent

Everybody daydreams surely?

Novella

I don't think I do this to be honest. The closest I come is having those imaginary conversations in my mind. I tend to only have those when there is something really on my mind and eventually I will have the conversation for real. I guess I just have to run through it in my head a few times to make sure I say exactly what I mean and get whatever it is I need to off to my chest.

When I find my mind wandering, I'm usually thinking about things that have really happened. Sometimes I suppose I think, "Oh, I should have said X instead of Y there" but I don't daydream about fake scenarios relationship-wise.

Not gonna lie, my pretend daydreams focus around clothes and shoes as opposed to men! :pac:

Jake Rugby Walrus666

It would be funny if you kidnapped him and made him play along at gun point.

PARKHEAD67

ShizDink wrote: »

Hello

I was reading a book recently, where a woman talks about how women conjour up moments or events in their mind with a guy that they like. Daydreaming of a sort but with a lot of detail added in. She talked about how one woman spent so much time day dreaming about a guy in her office, they had managed to go out on a date, fall in love, go on weekends away, to the point where on one occasion he brought her to the wrong place (or something to that effect) and she ended up being annoyed with him (all in her mind), and in real life they guy couldn't understand why she was pissed with him! (the book is called 'How to be a Woman' by Caitlin Moran btw, very funny read).
The point is, I do this myself! not entire imaginary relationships, but to the extent imagining first encounters with a guy I like. Then this progresses to maybe a trip to another country together, all the time in detail. This may seem scary to a guy reading this, but I think there is a purpose for it. Women feel more attracted to guys on a mental and emotional level over purely physical. Maybe we do this as a method of foreplay, as opposed to dressing him up in suspenders and lace?? Does anyone else find themselves doing this? I thought I just had an over active (and slightly stalkerish) imagination, until I read that book I'm currently doing it with someone who I don't know, and I'm thinking it might not be healthy. It fills in the gaps (which is currently everything as I have never spoken with this man!) with all postive thoughts about this person. He basically has a heads up for whenever I meet him because I've already conjured up the good times we will have! but then is this just the same a guy imagining us in lingerie before he undresses us? I've done this before with someone who I ended up falling in love with so it can't be all bad. Still strange none the less

And I thought I was nuts??:D

Maple

Jake Rugby Walrus666 wrote: »

It would be funny if you kidnapped him and made him play along at gun point.

PARKHEAD67 wrote: »

And I thought I was nuts??:D

Folks, please keep your responses relevant and ontopic.

Maple

Giselle

I have the imaginary conversation thing occasionally, but I can't imagine spending more than a few moments, the odd time, with that kind of daydream.

My imaginary conversations usually involve me being incredibly witty, knowledgeable, and with a cutting/clever/sweet rejoinder always at hand, while basking in the admiration of the object of my interest.

In real life, I come up with the funny comeback hours too late

If at all :(

Da Shins Kelly

I think daydreaming is very natural, as long as the imagination doesn't stop you from accepting someone for who they are. If someone doesn't live up to your imagination, it could be off-putting, but those expectations could be stopping you from getting to know someone.

ShizDink

from experience .. the worst thing that happened to me from my over active imagination was, I continued to fill the gaps. He always lived up to expectations, because if he didn't I just blocked that bit out

So yes, I agree not the healthiest of habbits. I can't help it though. I'm like a dog with a bone. The person just plays around in my head.

shoes just don't cut it

RacoonQueen

Ah it's just fantasising. Men do it with women they like, but they dress them up in suspenders and fancy underwear.

ShizDink

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Ah it's just fantasising. Men do it with women they like, but they dress them up in suspenders and fancy underwear.

Thats exactly what I mean .. more indept fantasising! But for men who have see the woman not looking as they imagined ... do we do that with men? or do men even do that?

does the fantasy ruin the truth? or improve it?

parker kent

ShizDink wrote: »

Thats exactly what I mean .. more indept fantasising! But for men who have see the woman not looking as they imagined ... do we do that with men? or do men even do that?

Not every single male fantasy is a simple one about seeing the girl naked. The same way that not all women have in depth romantic fantasies. I know I have had daydreams about women that have not involved sex, nudity etc.

Anyway, a real woman in my arms is much better than any fantasised woman. A boob in the hand is worth 2 in the imagined bush if you will :pac: I'm sure there are some men who only fantasize about perfection but that is just silly. The same way it is silly to let a perfectly normal fantasy about being in a relationship or whatever alter reality.

Exile 1798

ShizDink wrote: »

Hello

I was reading a book recently, where a woman talks about how women conjour up moments or events in their mind with a guy that they like. Daydreaming of a sort but with a lot of detail added in. She talked about how one woman spent so much time day dreaming about a guy in her office, they had managed to go out on a date, fall in love, go on weekends away, to the point where on one occasion he brought her to the wrong place (or something to that effect) and she ended up being annoyed with him (all in her mind), and in real life they guy couldn't understand why she was pissed with him! (the book is called 'How to be a Woman' by Caitlin Moran btw, very funny read).
The point is, I do this myself! not entire imaginary relationships, but to the extent imagining first encounters with a guy I like. Then this progresses to maybe a trip to another country together, all the time in detail. This may seem scary to a guy reading this, but I think there is a purpose for it. Women feel more attracted to guys on a mental and emotional level over purely physical. Maybe we do this as a method of foreplay, as opposed to dressing him up in suspenders and lace?? Does anyone else find themselves doing this? I thought I just had an over active (and slightly stalkerish) imagination, until I read that book I'm currently doing it with someone who I don't know, and I'm thinking it might not be healthy. It fills in the gaps (which is currently everything as I have never spoken with this man!) with all postive thoughts about this person. He basically has a heads up for whenever I meet him because I've already conjured up the good times we will have! but then is this just the same a guy imagining us in lingerie before he undresses us? I've done this before with someone who I ended up falling in love with so it can't be all bad. Still strange none the less

I’m a fella and I do this with women I fancy. One's mind definitely paints a picture.

I don’t think there's anything scary or wrong about this – as long as you're conscious, as you clearly are, that your thoughts aren't everyone else's reality.

In 1940 George Orwell wrote a wonderful essay called New Words about the subject of people’s "inner lives", and how bereft the English language is of words that properly describe such a thing. The words we generally use, imagination and fantasy can have quite negative connotations. I think a healthy inner life, as Orwell termed it, is a wonderful thing and I'm greatful that I have one. I have never once experienced the sensation of boredom when alone with my thoughts. Whereas some people can’t cope with either being by themselves or unoccupied by an activity. In moments of low productivity I know I'd rather be thinking about having a pint with the office girl – what would it be like, what would we talk about, what would she wear – then having to play Tetris like some of my unfortunate colleagues!

The Garden
by Andrew Marvell

How vainly men themselves amaze
To win the palm, the oak, or bays ;
And their uncessant labors see
Crowned from some single herb or tree,
Whose short and narrow-vergèd shade
Does prudently their toils upbraid ;
While all the flowers and trees do close
To weave the garlands of repose.

Fair Quiet, have I found thee here,
And Innocence, thy sister dear!
Mistaken long, I sought you then
In busy companies of men :
Your sacred plants, if here below,
Only among the plants will grow ;
Society is all but rude,
To this delicious solitude.

No white nor red was ever seen
So amorous as this lovely green ;
Fond lovers, cruel as their flame,
Cut in these trees their mistress' name.
Little, alas, they know or heed,
How far these beauties hers exceed!
Fair trees! wheresoe'er your barks I wound
No name shall but your own be found.

When we have run our passion's heat,
Love hither makes his best retreat :
The gods who mortal beauty chase,
Still in a tree did end their race.
Apollo hunted Daphne so,
Only that she might laurel grow,
And Pan did after Syrinx speed,
Not as a nymph, but for a reed.

What wondrous life is this I lead!
Ripe apples drop about my head ;
The luscious clusters of the vine
Upon my mouth do crush their wine ;
The nectarine and curious peach
Into my hands themselves do reach ;
Stumbling on melons as I pass,
Insnared with flowers, I fall on grass.

Meanwhile the mind, from pleasure less,
Withdraws into its happiness :
The mind, that ocean where each kind
Does straight its own resemblance find ;
Yet it creates, transcending these,
Far other worlds, and other seas ;
Annihilating all that's made
To a green thought in a green shade.

Here at the fountain's sliding foot,
Or at some fruit-tree's mossy root,
Casting the body's vest aside,
My soul into the boughs does glide :
There like a bird it sits and sings,
Then whets and combs its silver wings ;
And, till prepared for longer flight,
Waves in its plumes the various light.

Such was that happy garden-state,
While man there walked without a mate :
After a place so pure and sweet,
What other help could yet be meet!
But 'twas beyond a mortal's share
To wander solitary there :
Two paradises 'twere in one
To live in Paradise alone.

How well the skillful gard'ner drew
Of flowers and herbs this dial new ;
Where from above the milder sun
Does through a fragrant zodiac run ;
And, as it works, th' industrious bee
Computes its time as well as we.
How could such sweet and wholesome hours
Be reckoned but with herbs and flowers!

seenitall

Nice post, Exile.

Yes, I do it too, OP. Often.

Like Exile and others, I also think indulging in an occasional fantasy/daydream about someone special is a natural and healthy part of one's inner life; with a caveat of speaking as a single person (as I wouldn't feel quite the same about this kind of fantasy if I had a b/f - but my fantasy life generally starts slacking off when my real life picks up the pace anyway; and vice versa).

lazygal

I think we've all been there, be in an idle two second what if or a full on imaginary relationship.

I also loved Caitlin Moran's book. I found the part where she told a friend "If he liked you, he'd be hanging out with you a lot and saying things like "I really like you"". I had a couple of very short "relationships" where I spent ages reading non-existent meaning into a text or voicemail.

When I met my husband there was none of that, he liked me, asked for my number, called me up for a chat, asked me out and that was that. It was more "This is how I feel about you" and I knew where I stood. I was told a long time ago when you meet the right person it's the easiest relationship in the world and it's true, there's no drama or huge highs and lows, it is what it is, a nice secure, happy feeling!

fits

A friend of mine works with a girl who told all her colleagues that she was engaged to an international soccer player. She brought in photos of him and everything, (downloaded from the net) and had excuses why there were none taken of them together. She is always referring to him in conversation and what they were doing for the weekend.

Now, that is going several steps too far.

iguana

I do this a lot but a lot of my daydreams involve me having super powers. Probably at least 65% of them.

The relationship daydreams however I found very useful when I was at certain post-breakup stages. Once I was over the ex but not ready to move on to a new relationship, I found my relationship daydreams a very nice place to be.

In later life I found the daydreams very helpful when my husband was sick. It meant that I could fast-forward us to a point in the future where things were better and the time I spent focussed on that future would give me the strength I needed to keep going.

seenitall

lazygal and fits, there is a BIG difference between daydreaming and being delusional. This thread seems to me to be about the former (I hope so at least! )

RacoonQueen

fits wrote: »

A friend of mine works with a girl who told all her colleagues that she was engaged to an international soccer player. She brought in photos of him and everything, (downloaded from the net) and had excuses why there were none taken of them together. She is always referring to him in conversation and what they were doing for the weekend.

Now, that is going several steps too far.

Ha! I used to work with a chap who had a 'girlfriend', she was foreign and he had maybe two photos of her he carried around in his wallet that were very posy(one was her leaned up against a car, curving her body around the cars curves).

We came to the conclusion she either didn't exist or she was a mail order bride. No one ever met her/saw her etc but he talked about her a bit - how she'd cook for him and massage his feet and all this crap. He also talked about marrying her and having kids with her (he in his 40's and she in her 20's). Though, he always told me ''If I marry (lets call her Michelle) Michelle, no one from here will be invited to the wedding, I'll be married years and no one will know, I won't tell anyone". Riiiigghhhht, OK then... :rolleyes:

If you knew him, you'd understand why we were skeptical as to her existance.

Neyite

I remember reading with horror a magazine article where single women without even a bloke on the horizon had booked their weddings for a certain future date.
One woman had her own dress & veil bought, bridesmaids dresses/shoes/bags, church and hotel and honeymoon booked and she hadnt had a relationship that lasted any more than a couple of weeks. Cant think why? :rolleyes:

I also knew a woman who found it impossible to tell the truth. You would ask her what she had in her sandwich and she would lie about it. She had imaginary boyfriends, several different careers, owned several houses, and it was sheer entertainment listening to her fabrications.

Now, thats delusional. Daydreaming, I do all the time. I re-enact encounters in my head with the witty /pithy replies I should have said at the time, and regularly fantasise about winning the lottery.

seenitall

Neyite wrote: »

I remember reading with horror a magazine article where single women without even a bloke on the horizon had booked their weddings for a certain future date.
One woman had her own dress & veil bought, bridesmaids dresses/shoes/bags, church and hotel and honeymoon booked and she hadnt had a relationship that lasted any more than a couple of weeks. Cant think why? :rolleyes:

I also knew a woman who found it impossible to tell the truth. You would ask her what she had in her sandwich and she would lie about it. She had imaginary boyfriends, several different careers, owned several houses, and it was sheer entertainment listening to her fabrications.

Now, thats delusional.

Yes, but so is having "relationships" of the kind lazygal described (e.g. reading non-existent meanings into casual social interactions such as texting), if only on a smaller scale.

Anyway, the thread has firmly gone from one topic to the other now.

Liberal Irishman

ShizDink wrote: »

Hello

I was reading a book recently, where a woman talks about how women conjour up moments or events in their mind with a guy that they like. Daydreaming of a sort but with a lot of detail added in. She talked about how one woman spent so much time day dreaming about a guy in her office, they had managed to go out on a date, fall in love, go on weekends away, to the point where on one occasion he brought her to the wrong place (or something to that effect) and she ended up being annoyed with him (all in her mind), and in real life they guy couldn't understand why she was pissed with him! (the book is called 'How to be a Woman' by Caitlin Moran btw, very funny read).
The point is, I do this myself! not entire imaginary relationships, but to the extent imagining first encounters with a guy I like. Then this progresses to maybe a trip to another country together, all the time in detail. This may seem scary to a guy reading this, but I think there is a purpose for it. Women feel more attracted to guys on a mental and emotional level over purely physical. Maybe we do this as a method of foreplay, as opposed to dressing him up in suspenders and lace?? Does anyone else find themselves doing this? I thought I just had an over active (and slightly stalkerish) imagination, until I read that book I'm currently doing it with someone who I don't know, and I'm thinking it might not be healthy. It fills in the gaps (which is currently everything as I have never spoken with this man!) with all postive thoughts about this person. He basically has a heads up for whenever I meet him because I've already conjured up the good times we will have! but then is this just the same a guy imagining us in lingerie before he undresses us? I've done this before with someone who I ended up falling in love with so it can't be all bad. Still strange none the less

As long as your thoughts about him are positive then that’s fine. But if you end up getting pissed off because of something he may or may not have done IN YOUR IMAGINATION then I think it’s time you asked yourself some serious questions.

Many people get into a lot of trouble acting on things that aren’t really happening. Daydreams are good, even healthy. But when they affect your mood in any way then it’s time to examine your thought processes very carefully. (In my opinion)

Stick with dressing him up in suspenders and lace in real life if that’s what turns you on.

LegacyUser

I don't see much difference between having feelings of sexual arousal due to a fantasy vs. having happy or sad feelings due to a fantasy. It's all fantasy. It's nothing but self-created fiction which we use to entertain ourselves.

As long as your fantasies don't impair your ability to function, and aren't engaged in in a way which would possibly harm anyone, I don't see that anyone has the right to tell anyone else how they should or should not engage in them.

Liberal Irishman

juicyfruit wrote: »

I don't see much difference between having feelings of sexual arousal due to a fantasy vs. having happy or sad feelings due to a fantasy. It's all fantasy. It's nothing but self-created fiction which we use to entertain ourselves.

As long as your fantasies don't impair your ability to function, and aren't engaged in in a way which would possibly harm anyone, I don't see that anyone has the right to tell anyone else how they should or should not engage in them.

I must apologise for my previous posting. I’m afraid I misinterpreted the ladies post. I was under the impression that it was her who was getting pissed off instead of somebody in the book that she was reading. I'm afraid I was in a bit of a rush when I read it.

You are of course right when you say: “I don't see much difference between having feelings of sexual arousal due to a fantasy vs. having happy or sad feelings due to a fantasy.”

ShizDink said: Women feel more attracted to guys on a mental and emotional level over purely physical. Maybe we do this as a method of foreplay, as opposed to dressing him up in suspenders and lace??
Hell I wish someone would dress me up in suspenders and lace as a method of foreplay. Enjoy your fantasies!!!

ShizDink

Liberal Irishman wrote: »

Hell I wish someone would dress me up in suspenders and lace as a method of foreplay. Enjoy your fantasies!!!

lol I mean't seen as dressing him up in suspenders and lace would not do much for me, I've conjoured up other things instead. I think I need to give my thoughts on him a miss for a while. Found a picture of him online so have been viewing that now and again. And again. Don't want this to turn into stalking (limited stalking albeit).

Liberal Irishman

Maybe try printing it out and hang it above your bath for a week or two. You might well feel a bit better for it!

Scarinae

It can't be that uncommon, one of the most popular songs from Les Misérables is about this very thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEcOZJfnThw

I think a bit of daydreaming is fine, as long as you are realistic and don’t build the other person up in your head too much. Most people try to present an idealised version of themselves to the outside world, but everyone has their flaws too.

When I younger, I was seeing a guy for a month or two who had been mad about me since he’d first met me, two and a half years beforehand. It was a complete disaster, and he actually told me that going out with me was nothing like what he’d imagined in his head Nothing to do with the fact that was a socially inept weirdo, of course