The tradition that is, burning the pizza

Voodoomelon

I don't know what it is about me and cooking pizza. All I have to do is take the wrapper off, toss the thing in the oven and come back when the box says so.

But no, without fail, every single week, for the last 27 years (yes I was cooking pizzas when I was 6 months old) I have burnt the pizza.

How hard is it to come back in 18-20 minutes? I'll look at the clock and think "another 3 minutes and it'll be grand". In I walk into kitchen, and extract the charcoal circle that was formally a pizza. It really pisses me off. I just cannot come back in time. "2 more minutes of this video", or "4 more minutes to the next ad break", or "3 more minutes sitting on the bog reading the back of the toilet duck".

Once I thought i'd sneak in on the pizza when it was cooking away for about 15 minutes, thought i'd beaten the vicious circle. Whipped the pizza off the shelf for it to flop limply onto the ground in a soggy mess. It was a collapse on your knee moment, fists to the sky "damn you!!!".

Can anyone help me? Is there any hope at all?

Wooden Jesus

Voodoomelon wrote: »

I don't know what it is about me and cooking pizza. All I have to do is take the wrapper off, toss the thing in the oven and come back when the box says so.

But no, without fail, every single week, for the last 27 years (yes I was cooking pizzas when I was 6 months old) I have burnt the pizza.

How hard is it to come back in 18-20 minutes? I'll look at the clock and think "another 3 minutes and it'll be grand". In I walk into kitchen, and extract the charcoal circle that was formally a pizza. It really pisses me off. I just cannot come back in time. "2 more minutes of this video", or "4 more minutes to the next ad break", or "3 more minutes sitting on the bog reading the back of the toilet duck".

Once I thought i'd sneak in on the pizza when it was cooking away for about 15 minutes, thought i'd beaten the vicious circle. Whipped the pizza off the shelf for it to flop limply onto the ground in a soggy mess. It was a collapse on your knee moment, fists to the sky "damn you!!!".

Can anyone help me? Is there any hope at all?

Order in, those polish lads in dominos have nailed the art of not scalding a pizza

Andromeda_111

oven timer

admiralofthefleet

put it on the rad for half an hour, wont burn then

Ghandee

Voodoomelon wrote: »

I don't know what it is about me and cooking pizza. All I have to do is take the wrapper off, toss the thing in the oven and come back when the box says so.

But no, without fail, every single week, for the last 27 years (yes I was cooking pizzas when I was 6 months old) I have burnt the pizza.

How hard is it to come back in 18-20 minutes? I'll look at the clock and think "another 3 minutes and it'll be grand". In I walk into kitchen, and extract the charcoal circle that was formally a pizza. It really pisses me off. I just cannot come back in time. "2 more minutes of this video", or "4 more minutes to the next ad break", or "3 more minutes sitting on the bog reading the back of the toilet duck".

Once I thought i'd sneak in on the pizza when it was cooking away for about 15 minutes, thought i'd beaten the vicious circle. Whipped the pizza off the shelf for it to flop limply onto the ground in a soggy mess. It was a collapse on your knee moment, fists to the sky "damn you!!!".

Can anyone help me? Is there any hope at all?

Eh,

Doh!

Just use the timer on the fcukin cooker man.

Rocket science, it is not!

Latchy

Don't think minutes at the end of cooking time ...think seconds

Voodoomelon

You should see the Belling cooker I have, it has an array of buttons like the cockpit of an A380. I wouldn't hear the beep over the jungle music anyways.

W.Shakes-Beer

Sit in front of the oven, watching for any inconspicuous blackness.

Fago!

I don't know much about cooking pizza, but I do love kittens. They're so fuurrrry. (=^;^=)

stupidusername

but burnt pizza means burnt cheese....mmmmm cheeeeeeeese

never burnt a pizza... don't know how you manage it

latenia

Buy a thin base pizza such as Dr.Oetker and blast it at a higher temperature for less time. Not only does it taste better but it's a lot easier to stay watching it for just 10 minutes.

biko

Also read the instructions about how hot the oven should be.

Voodoomelon

I think whats even worse, is not when the pizza is burnt (in fairness I rarely actually blacken it), but when the topping essentially disappears into a hard crust. Arrgghhhh! etc

-Trek-

Use the alarm on your phone as a timer. 30 mins @ gas mark 5 and your sorted.

Lone Stone

15 min tops sorted

Micky Dolenz

Processed pizza from a freezer is foul no matter how you cook it. Much tastier to make your own. Easy and quick to make, add as many toppings as you wish, yum.

Micky Dolenz

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Processed pizza from a freezer is fowl no matter how you cook it..

No, you can get vegetarian ones too.

Micky Dolenz

bluewolf wrote: »

No, you can get vegetarian ones too.

Charter fail.

Banned.

Now who's the smarty pants? :pac:

Sky King

OK here's your problem:

It's a non linear progression from frozen to cooked, home slice. A pizza in the first 85% of its cooking time looks the exact same... a bit frozen, a bit meltey, a bit undercooked.

Towards the end of its optimum cooking time in the oven things progress very quickly. So if you look at it and its gettting a bit more cooked looking, you have about 2 minutes to allow the cheese to brown before she's done.

Micky Dolenz

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Charter fail.

Banned.

Now who's the smarty pants? :pac:

Excuse me I was helpfully informing you about different types of pizza!!
:pac::pac::o

Johro

biko wrote: »

Also read the instructions about how hot the oven should be.

Yeah. That. I mean, duh...

Wertz

Timer on your phone? Easy thing to forget about the oven.
Put it in just before the light goes off and set the timer for 3 min less than the instructions say...then turn the oven off when the timer goes...check the pizza and if it looks underdone close the door again and let the latent heat finish it off.
Nothing worse than friday night with burnt crust and crispy pepperoni... except maybe no pizza at all.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Ghandee wrote: »

Just use the timer on the fcukin cooker man.

Oh, la-di-dah. Check out Lord Cooker of Timer gardens. :rolleyes:

rubadub

Voodoomelon wrote: »

toss the thing in the oven and come back when the box says so.

From what I have seen usually that time is too long anyways. If you like them done as much as most takeaways you can take 5mins or so off the recommended times. Some people also wet the base and/or the outside rim with some water.

I have been making pizzas using wraps as bases recently, so more topping and no big doughy base which I much prefer.

Seren_

I'm one of those weird people who likes their pizza pretty much raw. So just set an alarm on your phone or something.

Or even better, get someone else to do it for you

mattjack

Voodoomelon wrote: »

I don't know what it is about me and cooking pizza. All I have to do is take the wrapper off, toss the thing in the oven and come back when the box says so.

But no, without fail, every single week, for the last 27 years (yes I was cooking pizzas when I was 6 months old) I have burnt the pizza.

How hard is it to come back in 18-20 minutes? I'll look at the clock and think "another 3 minutes and it'll be grand". In I walk into kitchen, and extract the charcoal circle that was formally a pizza. It really pisses me off. I just cannot come back in time. "2 more minutes of this video", or "4 more minutes to the next ad break", or "3 more minutes sitting on the bog reading the back of the toilet duck".

Once I thought i'd sneak in on the pizza when it was cooking away for about 15 minutes, thought i'd beaten the vicious circle. Whipped the pizza off the shelf for it to flop limply onto the ground in a soggy mess. It was a collapse on your knee moment, fists to the sky "damn you!!!".

Can anyone help me? Is there any hope at all?

Full of drink one night,I decided to cook herself and me a pizza..eventually the smoke alarm woke us up ..four hours later....handy things those smoke alarms.Nowadays we just buy the pizza on the way home from local...

xxtattyberxx

lol I tend to do the same thing... Ive reverted to order in, no dishes either.... Its win win

Wertz

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Processed pizza from a freezer is foul no matter how you cook it. Much tastier to make your own. Easy and quick to make, add as many toppings as you wish, yum.

What dough from scratch and all? More trouble than it's worth...and that's coming from someone who just got done making apple and blackberry tarts, lasagne and chicken curry pies from scratch.

sunflower27

Do what I do. Put the pizza in the oven, get a cushion and sit in front of the oven and watch and wait. It isn't like you are going to be doing anything life changing in that 15.5-17 minutes anyway if you are honest with yourself.

-Trek-

sunflower27 wrote: »

Do what I do. Put the pizza in the oven, get a cushion and sit in front of the oven and watch and wait. It isn't like you are going to be doing anything life changing in that 15.5-17 minutes anyway if you are honest with yourself.

:eek:

But if I'm sitting there watching the oven who is going to watch the TV?

Sky King

Put a camera in your oven and watch it on the TV

put the tv and oven facing each other

Sky King

Put your TV in the oven

sunflower27

bluewolf wrote: »

put the tv and oven facing each other

Exactly and keep one eye on each. It ain't rocket science

Sky King

Or an elaborate system of mirrors....

mikemac

Pre-heating is important OP

If you don't do this then it messes up the timing as some heat up a lot faster then others

Like the best things in life, there are no short-cuts so don't skip the pre-heating

sunflower27

Sky King wrote: »

Or an elaborate system of mirrors....

Or if money is tight, shards of glass... turn it into a kitchen 'feature'.

Sky King

Like the best things in life, there are no short-cuts so don't skip the pre-heating

Are you talking about de roide?

i like the elaborate system of mirrors plan, good one.

throw in a picture of chuck norris glaring at the pizza so it's afraid to burn.

emeraldstar

Your Text Here wrote: »

I'm one of those weird people who likes their pizza pretty much raw.

Me too. Mmmm, doughy.

sunflower27

Sky King wrote: »

Are you talking about de roide?

Doh, obviously! How old are you?

mattjack

does nobody use the 'ol blow torch method any more ?

Sky King

Sky King wrote: »

Are you talking about de roide?

it's a delicate way of emphasising the importance of foreplay.

Sky King

bluewolf wrote: »

it's a delicate way of emphasising the importance of foreplay.

I can see how that relates to pizza alright...

-Trek-

bluewolf wrote: »

it's a delicate way of emphasising the importance of foreplay.

with the pizza?

Sky King

-Trek- wrote: »

with the pizza?

Hey, some people REALLY like pizza. Others are into cameras, mirrors, shards of broken glass, Chuck Norris...

Who are we to judge?

sunflower27

Do it right and you get a pizza good lovin'

open the oven door gently, stroking those dials into the right position. take time to pre-heat it before you just shove that cheesy pizza in there.

-Trek-

Sky King wrote: »

Hey, some people REALLY like pizza. Others are into cameras, mirrors, shards of broken glass, Chuck Norris...

Who are we to judge?

I wasn't judging, I was just wondering did it achieve a better result.

sunflower27

bluewolf wrote: »

open the oven door gently, stroking those dials into the right position. take time to pre-heat it before you just shove that cheesy pizza in there.

Less of the cheese....:D