Pure genius, how the church can pay for all the kiddy fiddling

Rabidlamb

The church/state are liable for over €1 billion as reparation payments to the victims of abuse.
Church/State coffers are at an all time low and revenue streams are falling.

At the same time there's people like myself who were in the process of defecting from the catholic church (Count me out) when that avenue was closed.
Grant us our wish to formally defect but charge us an administration fee, this fee must be ring fenced for the victims fund.
Say 100,000 people wanted to have their baptismal records expunged, a €1,000 defection charge would generate €100 million for the fund.
Take this product worldwide & the liability to the state could be reduced to zero in time.

I thought of all this before my coffee this morning, excuse any gaping holes.

KTRIC

Rabidlamb wrote: »

gaping holes.

Thats how this all started :pac:

FatherLen

this is pointless. i dont give a flying fuck if there is a piece of paper somewhere saying that i have been baptised. so who in there right mind would pay 1000 to get rid of it

Guill

excuse any gaping holes

As the priest said to the Alterboy.


Way too late, damn you KTRIC

mawk

Thats great!

Have the people pay their debt for them!

Snakeblood

FatherLen wrote: »

this is pointless. i dont give a flying fuck if there is a piece of paper somewhere saying that i have been baptised.

That does actually make a difference though. The church can go round saying 'we represent this many people and we feel strongly about this matter' to the government. It's a lot less of an impressive argument if they can only say 'we represent fewer people, and look, Fatherlen just left. It must have been something we said'

Rebel021

Really

i have a better idea

why don't catholics go back to paying their tithes. problem solved.

Kylo Ren

I hate when you see an OP construct a sentence that can be used as ammunition in your comedic arsenal and then you scroll down to see other people have used it

Orando Broom

Then as a bonus the Church should give you a gift of a new baptismal record, gratis, in recognition of your contribution to saving the institution of the Catholic Church.

Kudos to that man, gets the rest of us off the hook!!

BaZmO*

Rabidlamb wrote: »

I thought of all this before my coffee this morning, excuse any gaping holes.

Probably should've waited until you had your coffee. Might have made you think more clearly.

pickarooney

Keno 92 wrote: »

I hate when you see an OP construct a sentence that can be used as ammunition in your comedic arsenal and then you scroll down to see other people have used it

Just drop down a few levels of sophisitcation.

Rabidlamb

Ok, I'm putting you early response bunch in the maybe pile.

jester77

Feck that, not paying to defect. I don't recall undersigning any agreement to be baptised, so I shall consider that document void.

Penn

I'd rather remain as a member of the Catholic Church than willingly help them pay compensation for sexual abuse just so they would cross my name off their list

OneArt

I don't see why I should pay a fee to get out of something I had no choice in joining in the first place. F*ck them.

Anyone got any good ideas on how to get excommunicated?

jester77

OneArt wrote: »

I don't see why I should pay a fee to get out of something I had no choice in joining in the first place. F*ck them.

Anyone got any good ideas on how to get excommunicated?

Fiddle a priest

Nulty

Keno 92 wrote: »

I hate when you see an OP construct a sentence that can be used as ammunition in your comedic arsenal and then you scroll down to see other people have used it

If you're talking about the gaping holes gag, don't worry about it, it was very lame.

fitz0

So you want the people on their way out the door to pay for the higher ups f*cking about?

I haven't been to AH in a long time. With good reason it seems.

the_syco

Rabidlamb wrote: »

Grant us our wish to formally defect but charge us an administration fee, this fee must be ring fenced for the victims fund.

I has a better idea: charge people to kneecap the kiddie fiddlers at €1,000 per knee...

Phill Ewinn

No OP. No way should anyone pay for the criminal behavior of the church or state. Fvck 'em. Let the vatican deal with Fionnula and reach a deal between them.

There's a story going around about the amount of gold reserves the vatican has. If true €1bn is piddly amounts to them.

sbsquarepants

Call me old fashioned, but i aint paying no thousand euro to leave some club i didn't join in the first place!

MetalDog

They should be paying us to defect.

MagicSean

Why would anyone pay? A baptismal cert is just a record of something that happened. Why would you get it expunged? Just do what I do. Don't go to mass and if someone asks then simply say you aren't catholic.

coolpaddy

Here's an actual solution - how about the Church hand over all the schools and land they have to the State. It's the least we deserve. Should go some way towards paying their debts to Irish society.The suggestion that we actually pay THEM to leave their house of sin is the most absurd thing I've heard in a long time.

i71jskz5xu42pb

Rabidlamb wrote: »

excuse any gaping holes.

How about this:

Rabidlamb wrote: »

a €1,000 defection charge

What kind of twat would pay €1,000 to leave the church?

Wertz

I don't want to have much to do with the organised catholic church but I'll be f*cked if I'm handing over a grand to officially have it acknowledged by them regardless of what they do with the proceeds.
I said it before: sell the churches stuff out from under them and sue the vatican state to make up the shortfall.

krudler

what the fcuk? pay to have yourself removed for a corrupt organisation when you didnt ask to be part of it to begin with? if they just amended their ridiculous canon laws to allow people to freely leave then thats a start, paying for the privalege they can fook right off.

Pdfile

FatherLen wrote: »

this is pointless. i dont give a flying fuck if there is a piece of paper somewhere saying that i have been baptised. so who in there right mind would pay 1000 to get rid of it

muslims... they love trolling. :pac:

Billy86

They can pay it off by selling land.

Simple.

RichieC

Whats not genius about having them shoulder the financial burden honestly?

Paparazzo

It's free to tick "no religion" on the census form.

TheBunk1

€1000 to LEAVE the church? That has to be the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Sounds like something one of their crew would propose.

Sofiztikated

Or

How about the Catholic Head Office pay for this? A quick google, and I know the figures aren't super up to date, put the Vatican's net worth @ $900 million (in 2004) and didn't include St Peters Basilica or the Sistine chapel.

So... which did you think should pay for it? You, who (hopefully) had nothing to do with it, or head office?

My name is URL

So essentially what you're suggesting is that those who don't support the Church should pay for the abuses which were carried out and covered up under its watch?

Snakeblood wrote: »

That does actually make a difference though. The church can go round saying 'we represent this many people and we feel strongly about this matter' to the government. It's a lot less of an impressive argument if they can only say 'we represent fewer people, and look, Fatherlen just left. It must have been something we said'

Does it really make much of a difference? It's plainly obvious that the church is losing support but yet no government has taken steps to sever diplomatic relations with the Vatican. I doubt that's down to how many people the Pope says are fans of his. National censuses are a far better measure of religious following than some dusty old book in Rome, and besides, for every one person in the west who officially leaves the church, there are 10 people in Africa joining it, in part due to the hold that Missionaries have on communities there.

Del2005

Rabidlamb wrote: »

At the same time there's people like myself who were in the process of defecting from the catholic church (Count me out) when that avenue was closed.

Why can't you leave the catholic church?

Doesn't really matter as there's no way I'd give them a cent, they are one of the biggest land owners in the world with the largest art collection and possibly tonnes of WW2 booty.

Let them pay their own way out of it or set the CAB on them, they have admitted that they won't abide by our laws.

BaZmO*

If you believe that ticking a box on a piece of paper actually makes you enter or leave a religion well then you obviously believe in the religion yourself.

Tordelback

Lads and lasses, those of you who don't think you're in the church just because you say so, you must know that the church uses your baptism and subsequent rites of indoctrination as evidence that it's still a relevant and representative force. It's as if they had your voting card delivered to their address and used your franchise on 'your' behalf. Tell them to give it back.

A formal mechanism for stating that you no longer belonged would go a long way to undermining their power. Of course, when it comes time to get married, name kids or get them into a school, or most importantly of all find somewhere for your corpse to hang out before it gets buried/burned, I suspect a lot of folk would regret their official resignation, but that's precisely why the church still claims to have your support.

iguana

coolpaddy wrote: »

Here's an actual solution - how about the Church hand over all the schools and land they have to the State. It's the least we deserve. Should go some way towards paying their debts to Irish society.The suggestion that we actually pay THEM to leave their house of sin is the most absurd thing I've heard in a long time.

Yup, it should be a straightforward situation where any school where abuse by a clergy member is known to have taken place, any school where an abuser who was/is clergy was moved to or any school where the clergical staff took any part in covering up abuse of any kind should be forfeit to the state. The church loses the land and any say in the running of those schools.

AoifeCork

OneArt wrote: »

I don't see why I should pay a fee to get out of something I had no choice in joining in the first place. F*ck them.

Anyone got any good ideas on how to get excommunicated?

A reserved sin is your answer... I believe abortion used to be one of them?

FetchTheGin

Canon law should be outlawed.:mad:

Dublin_Gunner

Pay to leave an institution I never asked to join, and let them use my money to pay for their paedophile priests court cases???

Exactly what part of this stupid idea is pure genius?

You basically want the public, to fund the worlds largest paedophile ring, so they don't have to open their own wallets??

Serious lol.


Here's a better idea - if they cannot fund the compensation payments, they can start to demolish some of the churches, and sell off the land.

In a few years they won't have enough priests to run them anyway.

Sam Vimes

Seanbeag1 wrote: »

Why would anyone pay? A baptismal cert is just a record of something that happened. Why would you get it expunged? Just do what I do. Don't go to mass and if someone asks then simply say you aren't catholic.

I think it's funny that someone with a sig that says "Not in my name" is so blasé about the church using your name on your baptismal record to bulk up their numbers and claim to represent you when making statements etc

Don't get me wrong here, I never bothered doing it either but then I don't have a sig saying "Not in my name"

latenia

Sofiztikated wrote: »

Or

How about the Catholic Head Office pay for this? A quick google, and I know the figures aren't super up to date, put the Vatican's net worth @ $900 million (in 2004) and didn't include St Peters Basilica or the Sistine chapel.

If you've ever been to the Vatican museum, you'll see that that figure is laughably low, and that's just the stuff they have on display. They've been accumulating wealth from all over Europe and then the world for 1500 years now in largely deflation-proof assets like gold, jewels and art. If Damien Hirst's diamond skull is worth $50M then how much for La Pieta? $400M?

Ghost Buster

Im just gonna watch this one for the glorious time when Crucamin, Audrey Hepburn, Min or Mistress 69 join in.
Then the fun starts!!!!!!

UglyBolloxFace

Rabidlamb wrote: »

The church/state are liable for over €1 billion as reparation payments to the victims of abuse.
Church/State coffers are at an all time low and revenue streams are falling.

At the same time there's people like myself who were in the process of defecting from the catholic church (Count me out) when that avenue was closed.
Grant us our wish to formally defect but charge us an administration fee, this fee must be ring fenced for the victims fund.
Say 100,000 people wanted to have their baptismal records expunged, a €1,000 defection charge would generate €100 million for the fund.
Take this product worldwide & the liability to the state could be reduced to zero in time.

I thought of all this before my coffee this morning, excuse any gaping holes.

So let me get this straight - you want us, the people wishing to defect, to pay towards victims of church abuse? Are you mental?

Why should we have to pay? What part have we played in this abuse?

Your suggestion seems to discount the liability of the church in this affair.

gigino

If you google up " vatican wealth", you will get over half a million hits. Some of the more reputable sources estimate the Vaticans wealth at over 900 million euro. Either use some of that for compensation, and/or sell of the RCC property worldwide. Its the biggest holder of real estate in the world.

Dave!

OP I've just conducted the initiation ceremony to induct you into my religion of Daveism.

The membership is for life, unless you pay a 20 euro administration fee for defection.

Interested?


Srsly, let religions have their silly internal rules and membership cards. Devote more of your energy to trying to stop governments from giving a sh*t if you're a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Catholic Church, or the Mickey Mouse Club.

KeithAFC

The most evil organisation in the world can afford to pay its own bills and evil deeds. No need for anyone to throw cash at them. One day the people will march onto Rome and destroy the Roman Catholic Church and a good day it will be.

squod

KeithAFC wrote: »

The most evil organisation in the world can afford to pay its own bills and evil deeds. No need for anyone to throw cash at them. One day the people will march onto Rome and destroy the Roman Catholic Church and a good day it will be.

No protestant clergy have done the same right?

http://www.insurancejournal.com/news/national/2007/06/18/80877.htm

pragmatic1

Those ****s dont deserve the steam off my piss never mind a thousand euro.