Homework !!

Fittle

Over the summer, I had decided that the dreaded homework scenario would NOT descend into the stressful situations that had occurred most of last year. However, we are only over a week back, and already homework time descends into me turning slightly insane each night:(

Briefly, I've one boy in 4th class. I'm a single mum, work f/t and hes involved in 2 activities 4 nights a week, which mean we are not home and sitting down at the table until after 7pm on those evenings. He is minded by a woman who has a son in 2nd class, and they both do some homework together during the daytime. I've always told him not to do all the homework, as I feel it's important that I check it and help him out with certain subjects (maths and irish in particular).

Anyway, last night once again ended with me roaring like a fishwife (slight exaggeration) and him in tears. Me roaring with frustration at him having tried to do the maths earlier in the day, gotten every single one of them wrong (it's division, which they only started this week and he hasn't grasped it yet) and having to re-do it all again, and him crying because he thinks his mammy is turning into the Incredible Hulk before his eyes (pmt...)!! None of this was helped by the fact that he had 'lost' his soccer boots and swim gear in school last week also:mad:

So my question really is what are your tips for making homework a peaceful time? How do you keep yourself calm when you are tired, the child is tired and the Maths questions aren't that easy???
I'm hoping for some tips from parents who are much more organised and in control than me!!
Thanks

Mr. Presentable

I'd let him do his homework at the childminders, as soon as he is in from school. If he gets it wrong then so be it, let his teacher teach him.

Getting angry will only raise tensions over homework and make it harder for him to do it correctly.

If you must get involved then go over his work with him on a Friday evening - without anger - and show him where he may be going astray.

Fittle

Thanks for that.

The problem is that he doesn't do all the homework in the minders, even if I tell him he has to - he always leaves out reading or tables - I have to check and sign the journal every night anyhow and I think it's important that I keep an eye on his schoolwork and check that he's doing ok.

I completely agree that me getting angry is not helping at all, which is why I am determined that I find some way to keep the head (without medication!) every evening....

ash23

I let my daughter do all her homework at the minders and always have done. I used to check it but don't any more. If there's a problem with it the teacher will let me know.
Personally I don't think it's fair to make them do homework late in the evening when people are tired and they've already done school and homework and then have to face into more of it.

I think in theory it's a good idea for you to help him with his Irish and maths but if you're stressed out in the evenings then it's only doing more harm than good.
After a full day at work I haven't a notion of having the patience to help with homework and I'd end up killing her.

Sorry, crossed posts.
If he leaves things out though, he'd get into bother at school so I'd kind of let him deal with the fallout from not learning his tables or spellings.

prospect

You learn by your mistakes.

I'd let him do it, go through them with him, don't tell him the answers, but ask him to show you how he got his answers, and then show him where he is going wrong.
Most importantly, let him re do them until they are correct.

If he is arriving in each morning with correct homework, but isn't fully aware at how he arrived at the answers, he'll just fall behind the class and your situation will worsen.

But it'll all have to be very calm and encouraging.

ElleEm

Why not try getting up a bit earlier and doing the extra bits of homework in the morning before school?

Fittle

ElleEm wrote: »

Why not try getting up a bit earlier and doing the extra bits of homework in the morning before school?

We leave for work/school at 8am...couldn't possibly manage to get up any earlier and open a schoolbag!!!

So at 9, is he old enough to just do the homework himself without me going over it...I thought everyone still checked kids homework...as I have to sign the journal every night anyway, I just automatically take out the books to make sure he's done all the stuff in the journal. That's usually when the trouble begins:(

Seriously though, I know the negative affect this is having on him as even dropping him off at school today he asked me not to shout tonight at homework time...I'm riddled with guilt having sent him into school like that:(

ash23

Fittle wrote: »

We leave for work/school at 8am...couldn't possibly manage to get up any earlier and open a schoolbag!!!

So at 9, is he old enough to just do the homework himself without me going over it...I thought everyone still checked kids homework...as I have to sign the journal every night anyway, I just automatically take out the books to make sure he's done all the stuff in the journal. That's usually when the trouble begins:(

Seriously though, I know the negative affect this is having on him as even dropping him off at school today he asked me not to shout tonight at homework time...I'm riddled with guilt having sent him into school like that:(

I can see why. He's been in school all day, went to minders and did homework and now has to do it again. It's like going home and facing into more work instead of chilling out. You're like myself, we leave at 8am and get home about 5.30, dinner etc and it's nearly 7 and we get an hour or two to wind down and spend time together.

honestly fittle, I don't go near the bag in the evenings. The childminder signs the journal. My daughter knows if she doesn't learn her spellings she'll have to write them out, if she doesn't do her tables, she'll be in trouble in school etc so she just does them. If there was a problem I'd supervise her homework but there's no problem so I don't.
She'll occasionally ask me for help with a project or if there's something in particular she needs my help with (like things about when she was small etc) but other than that, homework is done and dusted and we don't even really discuss it.
I'm a lazy parent lol. But anything that eases the stress and makes the evening enjoyable is fine by me. She's in 3rd class now and me not doing homework with her has never been an issue or caused a problem.

RedXIV

If you feel he needs help with certain areas, maybe you could do something else then to encourage these areas? Our little lad is only in 1st class but since he's been in school I've a big white board that I put some sums and words on.

Nothing too strenuous. Enough to challenge him slightly but not enough to frustrate him. I concentrated on Maths mainly for the first year and as a result, its his strongest subject. His last report said he needs to work on reading so I'll start doing that now. But instead of making him read a school book again, I'll try and do something fun with it. Maybe a treasure map or a silly poem.

I know its a cliché but when kids think they are playing, they are far more open to learning. if your son needs help with Maths and Irish, I'd try introducing him to them in a more relaxed setting.

TG4 has the harry potter movies on the whole time in Irish with subtitles. This might help with Irish?

littlebug

I would suggest he doesn't do the homework he needs help with at the childminders but but leaves it to do with you instead. That way you can't get angry at him for having it wrong and he's not doing it twice.

Sit down beside him (with cup of tea) as he's doing it and ask him to show you how he's doing it as he goes along.. that way you can point him in the right direction before mistakes are made, so he's learning as he's doing. Maybe have you're own book or something to do while he's doing the sums ie not just looking over his shoulder all the time but checking in. Let him talk through his methods... sometimes I find the teacher has taught them in a slightly different way than my way and I just confuse things.
I generally just hover around the kitchen when mine are doing homework and check in when one or two sums are done so if there are mistakes I'm catching them early rather than her having to redo everything.

That said, mine did homework at someone elses house yesterday and I didn't check it at all so I appreciate it's tough to do after a days work.

Ayla

Fittle, I'm going to completely disagree with the other posters...as the parent it is your privilage & responsibility to make sure your son's doing his studies & actually learning them. You should be proud of the fact that you care enough to look over his books each night instead of shrugging it all off on the childminder and/or teacher. You are your son's mother & the best suited to help him through whatever difficulties he's having.

That said, obviously it's crucial you keep your cool while working with him. I can understand where you're coming from - by the time you're done working all day then running him here & there to his activities, coming home and eating dinner, there is no more energy to do anything - least of all something that's a challenge for both of you. Is it possible to cut back on something (even one activity a couple times a week) to give the two of you some more relaxed time together? I think that alone would completely change the dynamic you have and would lead to much more productive homework time.

I'm coming at this discussion as someone who's home educating my child, so I have a very different perspective on homework/learning than many people I know. You don't need to forego your inclincation to help your son - you should help him! But you also have to find a way to balance your life so that you can do so in a relaxed and helpful way.

Fittle

Well maybe that's where I've gone wrong so - by always doing the homework or checking it with him. I fool myself that I 'enjoy' it but I feel it's part of my role as his (only) parent to make sure things at school are going well. He struggled for the first few years and had resource for reading and maths (I started him at 4, big mistake and would always encourage people to start their kids at 5 now..most of the kids in his class are either almost 10 or already 10...he won't be 10 until next april...).

Anyway, I had actually spoken to him last night about not doing any homework at the minders and that we would sit down every evening (calmly) and do it from the start...but perhaps that's me going backwards...I suppose I should be letting him fend for himself, and as you say, if he gets his irish/tables wrong, the teacher will deal with it....

To be honest, although he did extremely well in 3rd class, I can already see the signs of him slipping behind in 4th...I wanted to keep him back in both 1st and 2nd class but it's not the schools policy (don't start me on that one!)...Hes waiting on his 3rd set of grommets and that's always affected his schoolwork (he has days when he says his hearing is like he's come up out of a swimming pool)...I do have some Xanax in the drawer that might just help me stay calmer in the evenings though:p

Fittle

Ayla wrote: »

Fittle, I'm going to completely disagree with the other posters...as the parent it is your privilage & responsibility to make sure your son's doing his studies & actually learning them. You should be proud of the fact that you care enough to look over his books each night instead of shrugging it all off on the childminder and/or teacher. You are your son's mother & the best suited to help him through whatever difficulties he's having.

See that's EXACTLY how I feel about the homework thing:)

I had thought of cutting out the evening activities - it's soccer and dance/drama and he loves both:D He gets dropped to both by the minder at 6 so to be honest, it means I have a spare hour those evenings to run to the shop or to get a wash on etc...the pressure only really begins when we get back home and I open the schoolbag:(

He's not into playstations or Wiis or technology at all - he just loves dancing and soccer so I want to stick with those activities - I had thought about dropping one of them, but I'm hoping he'll naturally tire of one or the other at some point anyway...

Ayla

Is it possible to have a chat each night before the bag opens? Like sitting down w/ a cuppa & taking 10 mins just to enjoy each other & talk about each other's day, and then (and this is important) *ask* him if you can look over his work. Explain to him - calmly - that you'd like to help (or, better yet, see if you can wiggle out some info from him during your chat about what he stuggled with during class). This will lead to a bit more of a mutual session, instead of a you versus him scenario.

At the age of 9 he may be feeling defensive b/c he knows he's struggling & if you're jumping right in & finding faults he may get argumentative. He's deliberately leaving the work he's struggling most with...he *knows* it's not going well for him & he's trying to avoid it (understandably). So when you're wanting to help by digging right in & pointing out what's wrong, it's hard for him to accept that you're trying to help.

Also, it is absolutely crucial that you praise what he's doing right - even if it's just one quesion or one concept. Use his strengths to help learn what he's struggling with.

eirn

Hiya, can I just say first I'm a teacher, not a parent, but here's my two cents

I think it's really important to check through home work, to at least make sure it's all been attempted.

But the point of homework is to reinforce what has been studied during the day, it's also to allow teachers to see if the pupil has grasped a new concept, is keeping up, etc.

If your son is struggling with something, it isn't just your responsibility to help him, that's why you send him to school. Any decent teacher is not going to punish or reprimand a pupil that has made an honest attempt at completing an assignment. Learning for all of us is often about trial and error, its fine to make mistakes if we can learn from them!

Maybe you could try to set aside a certain space for him to finish off any homework in the evening, and at least let him try and do his work on his own first, and then either let you check it, or come to you if he has a problem.

To be honest, once he gets to secondary, he'll need to develop independent study habits anyway, don't weigh yourself down with stress over this!

Fittle

I try not to find fault but last night, when he got 20 answers out of 20 wrong....(he had multipled all the sums, instead of dividing god bless him - if he only realised that multiplying 8 x 48 was MUCH harder than dividing 8 /48!!!)...

I like that idea of sitting down calmly and asking him if I can help him with stuff...I don't have the net at home anymore so that 'pull' for me to log on in the evenings is gone, which is a massive plus if I'm honest....

Lothaar v2

Hi Fittle.
Bit of a long one here but I'm going to disagree with some of the above posts. I have a 10 year old in 5th class. For years I left my daughter to do her homework in the creche, trusting the minders to check it etc. It was only last year that I really noticed how bad she was at things like spelling, which I'd see when she wrote little notes and cards. So I started to check her homework, even though it had already been 'checked'. I found a few things:

1. Her work was very sloppy - both in presentation and in actual effort. This is because she was rushing to get it done (not get it 'right') so she could go and play.
2. The minders didn't know how to do a lot of the assignments. They were not good at spelling and often told her the wrong way to spell words. They also couldn't do some of the 4th class maths questions, so regularly said 'just leave that blank'.
3. If my daughter had a multiple-choice question, she'd usually guess. If it was the right answer, the minders didn't question it. As a result, my daughter never learned how to figure out the answers correctly.

I felt pretty bad when I realised this. Basically, I was entrusting my daughter's education entirely to other people. Fair enough, the schoolteacher is running the show most of the time... but I wish I hadn't left her homework to be corrected by childminders with no educational qualifications. I don't hold it against the childminders either - that's not really their job.

So - for a few weeks there were tears at the kitchen table until 9pm every night as she rewrote sloppy assignments and guessed maths questions.

It wasn't easy, but I taught her a lot of things over the course of a couple of months. On the surface, I taught her how to do certain assignments and a little bit of punctuation. And I didn't accept sloppy work, so there were a lot of rewrites.

When it came to learning things off - such as spellings or tables - she would just glance at them and then get me to test her immediately. So I'd leave it for about 30 minutes and THEN ask her. They'd all have 'fallen out of her head' by then. I had to teach her how to memorise things. I gave her a little rhyming mnenomic - "Read it, read it, close your eyes and repeat it". She had to do that with every spelling or set of tables until she could repeat it perfectly without hesitation. Then she started retaining the spellings/tables even 30 mins (and days/weeks) later. Now she actually likes the fact that she can memorise stuff.

But I always emphasised the importance of putting in the effort. She was getting things wrong that she KNEW how to do, but was putting in the minimum of effort. We both hated spending our evenings sitting at the table, bashing heads over homework. But I told her that if she put in the effort in the creche, it would only take a few minutes for me to check it each night. And I let her know that I just wanted to help her be as good as she can at school.

It worked in a similar way to disciplining a child. She wanted to avoid the long nights at home when she could be playing with her friends, so started focusing properly in the creche. She also seemed to get into a 'habit' of doing her homework properly, which made her faster at getting it right.

It took about two months, but she eventually started nailing all her assignments in the creche. She was happy for herself, and so was I. When there was something she just couldn't get, I'd walk through it with her so that she understood. Surprisingly, since the conflict had gone, it felt like 'us time'! She listened and appreciated the help.

Thanks to the summer holidays, we're back at square one now! But I'm applying the same philosophy and she's already getting a lot better at her homework. I'd say she'll be back in the groove by the end of the month.

Anyway... the lesson *I* learned was:
My child's education is my responsibility and I can't abdicate that responsibility just because I'm paying a childminder. I can, however, teach my daughter 'how to do homework' and ensure she knows that her dad will be checking up on her... and will always help her.

I hope you find something that works for you. It can't be easy being a single parent, trying to get your child through their education. Good luck!

RubyGirl

Op, have you spoken to the childminder about helping him with his homework? Have you spoken to the teacher about his homework.

I would speak to both first, also ask you son where would he prefer to do his homework, if he says childminders, let him do it there for a while, if maths are still wrong, are they corrected in school by his teacher?

I mind afterschool children and I do supervise homework, I check it and sign journal and I would not be sending any of them to school with homework done wrong, I'd expain it to them and we would re do it.

Any continous problems I would dicuss with parents.

Ayla

Agreed - it can really help you both. You & he are a team; it's important that you're both on board with whatever's going on. Maybe try to set aside a time to mutually lay out a schedule (even 20 mins of h/w time each evening) so you're both on the same page & it doesn't seem to him like you're "attacking" him. Tonight, sit him down, comfortably, & have a heart to heart chat. Let him talk & express what's going on in his mind & life, and then you have your say. I would imagine if you reset the scales this way you will eliminate a lot of the tension in your evening.

Also, as I mentioned a bit in my last post, if your son has some academic strengths, be sure to spend some h/w time on those...it seems a bit counterproductive since he's already doing well with those subjects, but if he sees that you're taking a comprehensive approach to his learning (instead of focusing only on the negative) he may be more happy to address his weaknesses.

ash23

Is he actually struggling with any subjects?

If my daughter was struggling I would probably be more hands on. But she's top of the class and her test results are great, she always gets positive remarks on her work (she will show me her "excellent"s and stuff on her work). I've never had a problem with her and I encourage her education in other ways, such as workbooks and reading etc. She loves crosswords and word searches and we go to the library weekly. There are other ways of being supportive of the childs education that are more pleasant than homework.

I was of the impression that his work is up to standard and that it's more a case of him choosing not to do some items of work as opposed to an actually difficulty he is having at school and that is what my advice was based on.

I think being out at work all day means that sometimes you have to let someone else deal with certain aspects of parenting. Trying to cram a whole day with a child into a couple of hours in the evening isn't going to work. And halving that again when there's only one parent on the scene.....well, that's why sometimes simple things can lead to arguments because of the stress of trying to be all things to all people.

Fittle

ash23 wrote: »

Is he actually struggling with any subjects?

He does struggle with work, yep - as I mentioned earlier, he started school too young (4) and is awaiting his third set of grommets - both of these issues have been a huge factor in his schooling over the years...all of his school reports are glowing in the social skills section - he gets top marks for communication with teachers, mixing with his peers etc etc...one (awful) teacher told me in 2nd class that he'd never be top of the class:mad:

I don't know how to multiple quote sorry!

Thanks for that great post Lothaar - I will take your tips on board definitely!!!

I know a HUGE part of the struggle in the evenings is my own fault - I have decided to give up on the soaps and internet until he's gone to bed - the draw away from the table to turn on tv, or log on is too strong and I would often cave and just tell him to put the books away while I sat down to watch a soap, rather than lose my rag with him....

I don't think it's the childminders job to help with his homework to be honest - and with the utmost of respect for her, she also spells words incorrectly, hasn't a clue about Irish or Maths etc..

Haven't yet spoken to the teacher about homework as we are only 2 weeks in, but thank you all so much for the tips - they are very encouraging and I'm going to sit him down tonight and have a talk with him about our evenings....

Mr. Presentable

The thing is, you don't want to be making that couple of hours you get together at the end of the day miserable for both of you.

The teacher should be checking the homework. BTW, how long is homework taking?

When my daughter was in 4th I spoke to the teacher on the subject of homework. She said 40 minutes to an hour is enough, if it's taking longer then sign it off as too much.

ash23

Ah okay, well that's different then if he is having trouble with his schoolwork. I'd suggest getting him to do all the homework at home, perhaps when you are making dinner and then checking it.
I don't think him doing it in the minders and effectively doing it again at home is fair. It's a tough one though because obviously you want to help him but at the same time, it's an awful lot of work for him if he's doing his homework twice.

Ayla

Mr. Presentable wrote: »

The teacher should be checking the homework.

The OP's son sounds very much like me when I was his age, so I can testify to how "leaving it to the teachers" can really hurt the child:

I was miserable at math (in fact, Fittle's accounting how her son multiplied instead of divided brings back *a lot* of tearful memories!). I struggled through my homework every night...my folks were great but they left the teaching to my teachers b/c they didn't want to confuse me by introducing different methods or stressing me out. So I'd go from a math class - not really getting it - and then go home & try to struggle through it. My homework was never right, but the teacher had to work with every student in the class, not just me. I got afterschool/afterclass help from just about every math teacher I ever had (even in college!) and it was so demoralising.

So - imagine - if Fittle hadn't checked her son's h/w & he brought it back to the teacher, only to learn he had done the entire thing wrong...how exactly would that teach him? He'd fail that lesson, he'd feel horrible/shame & would avoid that subject's lessons in future.

So I firmly believe leaving the teaching to the teachers may not be the best thing for a child.

ash23

Ayla wrote: »

So I firmly believe leaving the teaching to the teachers may not be the best thing for a child.

In my experience, me trying to "teach" my daughter has ended in tears and confusion because I have a different method of doing things to the teacher and my daughter ends up totally confused.
In fact when they were starting school we were advised not to try and "teach" the children as the methods of teaching had changed drastically since we were in school.
For eg in maths all this tens and units business was confusing my child. I was trying to explain it but was talking about "carrying the one" and she ended up even more perplexed.
So I wrote a note to the teacher, saying she was confused and struggling with the concept and the teacher went through it in greater detail and it became clear.

I've taught her that the main thing is for her to say if she doesn't understand and then we will sort it out. However the way I learned is totally different to the way my daughter is being taught so I try not to confuse the issue too much. With regards to checking the homework, yes it's probably a good idea to supervise to make sure they know that they are doing the right questions (for example multiplying instead of dividing or learning page 8 off by heart instead of page 9) but to actually sit and do the problems with them and "teach" them how to do it can cause more harm than good in my experience unless you are teaching the same methods that the teachers use.

BostonB

For me I think 7pm is too late to be doing the homework. They need to do it when they come in, while its fresh in their head. If other activities are interfering with that, then perhaps its time to rethink them, or reschedule them.

Ayla

ash23 wrote: »

...to actually sit and do the problems with them and "teach" them how to do it can cause more harm than good in my experience unless you are teaching the same methods that the teachers use.

Completely agree with you, unless the way the teachers are teaching isn't making any sense to your child (as was my case when I was a kid). Kids have so many different ways of learning (visual, touch, auritory) and teachers can't - by the very system they work within - cater to each type of learning style. If your kid's confused it's very likely that they're not being caught in the teacher's net for that specific lesson; by actively participating in your child's h/w you can catch any potential problems before they become issues.

Not to say that a parent should try to teach something that's already understood (why break something that works fine?) but if something does crop up they'll be right there.

Fittle

Thanks again for comments. They are really helping me approach this homework issue in a different light...

To give you an example of the type of child my lad is...he didn't walk until he was 22 months, but one day, he got up a ran. He didn't have a tooth in his head until he was 13 months - but woke up one morning with 8 teeth..and so on. He is always, in everything he does, that one step behind his peers at the start - but overnight, its like something clicks with him and he runs ahead of the possee!! I had him in speech therapy as a toddler and he was in and out of hospital with club feet for the first 18 months of his life - one of the top doctors in temple st told me he'd always be like this, and that at about 15, he'd eventually become 'equal' to his peers - i.e. cathcing onto things at the same time as they do! He is extremely creative and not particularly academic..so when he's struggling with school work, I am always reminded of the above:)

Fittle

BostonB wrote: »

For me I think 7pm is too late to be doing the homework. They need to do it when they come in, while its fresh in their head. If other activities are interfering with that, then perhaps its time to rethink them, or reschedule them.

I do agree with this - but the truth is, if I give up the external activities, we are still only sitting down at 6.30, as I get in from work at 6.15.
His other activities start at 6pm and the minder drops him there - I then collect him at 7 and both are very close to our home.

Justask

Hi Fittle

Im going to be mobed for this but its my opinion

I've never seen to point of homework, the kid are in school for 8+ hours a day and then hav to come to do more work. Its nt like they are going to forget their work they had done dring the day.

I was in the same boat as you Fittle and it was just an on going battle and either ended in my tears or his. So I had enough and went into the school and said he would do half a hour of homework a day and if it was done great if not well it wouldnt be done. (this was primary school) The teachers all said that they were happy with this and once an effrt was made they were happy.
Im very luck his grades have always been really good.

Now that he is in secondary school his homework takes a little longer but it gets done.

I feel very very strongly on putting pressure on kids and IMO homework is not pressure kids need in this day in age.

You are doing your best Fittle thats all you can do

Fittle

Hi Justask:)

I'm with you on that one - I can't see the point in homework at all, but I can't see that I'll change the school rules before he finishes secondary;)

I was out at lunchtime and walked into a shop - and there, staring at me from a shelf was an abacus! So I bought it - and my intention is to simplify maths for him with it - last night, I was using scrabble letters (upside down) to show him how to divide 6 into 48 so hopefully the abacus will ease his pain somewhat tonight!

Training cancelled for this evening so a nice relaxing evening ahead with homework complete by 7pm (and no stress!).

BostonB

Fittle wrote: »

I do agree with this - but the truth is, if I give up the external activities, we are still only sitting down at 6.30, as I get in from work at 6.15.
His other activities start at 6pm and the minder drops him there - I then collect him at 7 and both are very close to our home.

What time does he leave school at.

Justask

Fittle wrote: »

Hi Justask:)

I'm with you on that one - I can't see the point in homework at all, but I can't see that I'll change the school rules before he finishes secondary;)

I was out at lunchtime and walked into a shop - and there, staring at me from a shelf was an abacus! So I bought it - and my intention is to simplify maths for him with it - last night, I was using scrabble letters (upside down) to show him how to divide 6 into 48 so hopefully the abacus will ease his pain somewhat tonight!

Training cancelled for this evening so a nice relaxing evening ahead with homework complete by 7pm (and no stress!).

Just an idea, is there a 'Cool' Teenager around your road that can do his maths with him?

My 'Cool' teenager (this is what the kid calls him :rolleyes:) does irish with my neigbours kid when he is stuck, Hes only 7 though but my lad get 5 euro lol

We have to face it we are not cool to our kids :rolleyes: so maybe someone trendy could help him once a week.

Fittle

BostonB wrote: »

What time does he leave school at.

2.30 - he gets collected by the minder at that time and is back in her house by 3pm.

Ayla

Justask - I actually completely agree with you. IMO, it's too much to ask a child to sit in a classroom all day & then come home & sit in front of books.

*However* if you're sitting in a class that you're not understanding, what're you going to do? Bottle up, learn to "blend in" & not draw attention to yourself so you don't have to admit you don't know what the hell's going on. So if a teacher doesn't call you to answer a question, and you don't have any sort of written assessment of your understanding (ie: homework) at what point is the lack of comprehension going to be caught? After an exam which the child fails?

pickarooney

Fittle wrote: »

I try not to find fault but last night, when he got 20 answers out of 20 wrong....(he had multipled all the sums, instead of dividing god bless him - if he only realised that multiplying 8 x 48 was MUCH harder than dividing 8 /48!!!)...

I like that idea of sitting down calmly and asking him if I can help him with stuff...I don't have the net at home anymore so that 'pull' for me to log on in the evenings is gone, which is a massive plus if I'm honest....

Really he just made one mistake 20 times as he doesn't seem to have quite grasped the notion of division yet. Give him a real world example so that he knows that he should be looking for an answer that's smaller than the number he's dividing up.

Fittle

Justask wrote: »

Just an idea, is there a 'Cool' Teenager around your road that can do his maths with him?

My 'Cool' teenager (this is what the kid calls him :rolleyes:) does irish with my neigbours kid when he is stuck, Hes only 7 though but my lad get 5 euro lol

We have to face it we are not cool to our kids :rolleyes: so maybe someone trendy could help him once a week.

That's a really great idea - but he's in the minders house all afternoon and I couldn't ask her to facilitate a teenager - there's no one on my road I can think of, but he has a few mates with older brothers - I will definitely look into that, thanks.

Fittle

pickarooney wrote: »

Really he just made one mistake 20 times as he doesn't seem to have quite grasped the notion of division yet. Give him a real world example so that he knows that he should be looking for an answer that's smaller than the number he's dividing up.

I like that - I must tell him it was only the one mistake;)

byhookorbycrook

Justask wrote: »

I've never seen to point of homework, the kid are in school for 8+ hours a day and then hav to come to do more work. Its nt like they are going to forget their work they had done dring the day.

I was in the same boat as you Fittle and it was just an on going battle and either ended in my tears or his. So I had enough and went into the school and said he would do half a hour of homework a day and if it was done great if not well it wouldnt be done. (this was primary school) The teachers all said that they were happy with this and once an effrt was made they were happy.
Im very luck his grades have always been really good.

Now that he is in secondary school his homework takes a little longer but it gets done.

I feel very very strongly on putting pressure on kids and IMO homework is not pressure kids need in this day in age.

You are doing your best Fittle thats all you can do

8+ hours??

You child has good grades(whatever that is, I presume you mean in his standardised tests??) so I presume he does not have a difficulty,like the OP's chap who needs a hand and so will take longer. Your son can get the work done quickly so half an hour is enough for ye (Lucky things:p )

I disagree with the pressure thing, yes,of course any child could do without pressure,as could any parent, but the Irish educational system and esp secondary school is all geared to academic performance.(A whole different arguement.

OP I'd suggest you let him do the homework at the minder with the ubderstanding that you will check every bit of it.This will make him more independent,but he will still be able to ask for your help and you will be able to track his progress.Best of luck. He may not appreciate it right now, but he's lucky to have such a diligent mam.

Justask

Ayla wrote: »

Justask - I actually completely agree with you. IMO, it's too much to ask a child to sit in a classroom all day & then come home & sit in front of books.

*However* if you're sitting in a class that you're not understanding, what're you going to do? Bottle up, learn to "blend in" & not draw attention to yourself so you don't have to admit you don't know what the hell's going on. So if a teacher doesn't call you to answer a question, and you don't have any sort of written assessment of your understanding (ie: homework) at what point is the lack of comprehension going to be caught? After an exam which the child fails?

My son is a mouth a bit like his mother

He would say what he feels no matter what :rolleyes:

Fittle

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

He may not appreciate it right now, but he's lucky to have such a diligent mam.

I don't think I was very diligent last night:(... but thanks!

BostonB

Fittle wrote: »

2.30 - he gets collected by the minder at that time and is back in her house by 3pm.

Tough one. Can he do it there with you checking later. Can you have a reward system for good attempts. DS or computer time, etc.

Sometimes a child just needs some intensive help to get them past a block, and once they are with the rest of the class they can stay up with them. But its twice as hard if your behind, and miserable, either doing homework or class.

Justask

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

8+ hours??

You child has good grades(whatever that is, I presume you mean in his standardised tests??) so I presume he does not have a difficulty,like the OP's chap who needs a hand and so will take longer. Your son can get the work done quickly so half an hour is enough for ye (Lucky things:p )

I disagree with the pressure thing, yes,of course any child could do without pressure,as could any parent, but the Irish educational system and esp secondary school is all geared to academic performance.(A whole different arguement.

OP I'd suggest you let him do the homework at the minder with the ubderstanding that you will check every bit of it.This will make him more independent,but he will still be able to ask for your help and you will be able to track his progress.Best of luck. He may not appreciate it right now, but he's lucky to have such a diligent mam.

From 8.20 till 4 so sorry short of 40 mins :rolleyes:

My sons grades have never have complaints from teachers and I am happy with them.

As I said this is my opnion

BostonB

Justask wrote: »

...
My sons grades have never have complaints from teachers and I am happy with them.

As I said this is my opnion

Maybe your being too hard. The teach will see how well a child is doing in relation to his peers.

Justask

BostonB wrote: »

Maybe your being too hard. The teach will see how well a child is doing in relation to his peers.

Being to hard on

BostonB

I thought from the previous posts he was behind. That seems at odds with no complaints from the teachers.

Justask

BostonB wrote: »

I thought from the previous posts he was behind. That seems at odds with no complaints from the teachers.

No think crossed wires somewhere. probably my fault sorry

anthonymax

Fittle you are being so hard on yourself! I have great admiration for how you seem to be handling the situation, especially as a single parent! I'm married and only work part time and I struggle at homework time!

I haven't much advice to add to what's been said already, I mostly try to strike a happy balance at homework time, as in I leave my two to their own devices and only help out if they're stuck. If something in particular is really causing you and your son stress, I'd just write a little note in the journal for the teacher saying "My son didn't really understand this section, he tried his best tonight" or something along those lines.

Anyway I hope you work this out, and don't feel bad about watching your soap, it's only half an hour to yourself!

byhookorbycrook

Justask, when I asked about grades, I wasn't being smart,but genuinely want to know how this is measured?A child might get a high mark from one teacher and yet the same test could mean a very low score in another room, depending on what a teacher there thought.

Justask

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Justask, when I asked about grades, I wasn't being smart,but genuinely want to know how this is measured?A child might get a high mark from one teacher and yet the same test could mean a very low score in another room, depending on what a teacher there thought.

I dont know how other parents judge how their kids are getting on in school, When I said my kid, no teachers have complained about any of his work his reports are postive and in all his secondary school reports he has done well as in he has got mainly A's and B's.

If you depend on what teacher thought what and where do you bring your childs work to another school to be assessed?

Im a bit comfused by that tbh. I trust my childs school and trust that if there was a problem or concerns it would be brought to my attention.

byhookorbycrook

I'm talking about primary, where one teacher could have higher expectations than another ,even in the same school-which is why continuous assessment is such a minefield.
Anyway, back on topic.