best man speech

amacca

anyone any ideas where to find details on what should be included in a best man speech?

Irish wedding....not looking for anything too formal but just what the basics that should be included are

presumably I should start out with how stunningly beautiful the bridesmaids are looking or something to that effect ..... tks to the ushers etc

how many toasts are too many toasts

The_Kew_Tour

Just keep it simple mate. Toast to the bride and groom is all really you need at end of speech..Ya just thank everyone that has come and just admire the bridesmaids.

Put in couple small jokes if you can, does not have be long few sentences will do, but that's up to you and once ya feel comfortable..

Just dont go on too long. Not too many will remember it so most best men worry for nothing.

Best of Luck

Dravokivich

Got 1 to give next year meself. Just gonna keep it short. Laugh about good times and wish'em the same for the future.

OldGoat

You really should have a collection of bits and pieces at hand and then listen to the other speeches. Your speech should then reflect those others.
For example, if the Fathers speech was long and rambling yours should be short and to the point. If the brides mother gave a rib-tickling laugh riot then yours should be quiet and reflective.
You are there to balance everything out, to move things along and to right any wrongs. With a collect of bits and pieces you can select what to use or not use as the rest of the speeches are going on.
Be flexable! You are stage managing the event. So no pressure there then.

Above all remember that the wedding is not about you so don't try to own the show. Dignity and courtsy will be remembered favourabley whereas being an asshat clown just makes you look like an asshat.

amacca

OldGoat wrote: »

You are there to balance everything out, to move things along and to right any wrongs. With a collect of bits and pieces you can select what to use or not use as the rest of the speeches are going on.
Be flexable! You are stage managing the event. So no pressure there then.

oh deary me...now I'm nervous! but afaik I'm supposed to give the first speech or is this all wrong? (that would mean I cant react to what the mammies and the daddies etc do)....in any event when it comes to public speaking I'm not the best at thinking on my feet - I like things prepared.......this could be a an unforeseen difficulty

OldGoat wrote: »

Above all remember that the wedding is not about you so don't try to own the show. Dignity and courtsy will be remembered favourabley whereas being an asshat clown just makes you look like an asshat.

tbh I am a bit of an "asshat":D, even by my own reckoning...... but I do intend to do the best job I can and not ruin the whole thing on them by being an ignorant boor clown asshat on the day itself!

I just need a general structure, running order to hang it on

eg start with thanks to the ushers, grooms men, bridesmaids...say how lovely they look...move on to short mildly amusing anecdote about the bride and groom (nothing embarrassing or insulting) toast to the bride and grooms future happiness, exit stage left sort of thing

Sky King

You can't speak slow enough when doing a speech... especially if you;re nervous... you'll ramble and fly through it. Practice it a lot and watch some well know speech givers on youtube (us presidents etc) for examples of proper cadence and delivery.

Keep the jokes clean and cheesey to appeal to all the grannies there and FFS don;t allude to what went on at the stag party, swear or tell any 'in jokes'!

Eroticfishcake

Been at loads of weddings this year and one thing I have noticed is that all the speeches are written independently (totally understandable!).

This results in so much repetition..everyone thanks the same people over and over again, bridesmaids, hotel etc. I think it's a good idea to consult with the others that are making speeches and maybe agree between you who is doing the thanking.

Most people end up betting on the speeches so might be a nice thing to do for the groom if you order the sweepstake kits (not sure of etiquette whether I can post the link or not so will pm you). They are free to order and are really cool.

Best of luck

Tesco Massacre

Firstly, keep it clean. I've been at a couple of weddings where the best men made bawdy comments, and apart from sounding like rejected one-liners from Carry On films, they didn't go down at all well with either the bride or groom's respective families.

If you can't think of any witty jokes don't try to be funny- it'll sound forced. As someone said earlier, just be courteous and pleasant. And try not to rip any jokes from the 'net- chances are that people will have heard them before and it'll show you didn't make much effort with your speech.

As for the thank yous: just thank whoever you think needs to be thanked. Obviously the bride & groom, their parents, the bridesmaids and the priest (if there is one), anyone who helped with the day itself, etc.

That's all I can think of. Good luck!

Tesco Massacre

amacca wrote: »

oh deary me...now I'm nervous! but afaik I'm supposed to give the first speech or is this all wrong? (that would mean I cant react to what the mammies and the daddies etc do)....in any event when it comes to public speaking I'm not the best at thinking on my feet - I like things prepared.......this could be a an unforeseen difficulty

Sorry, just saw this bit.

When I did it my speech came last anyway. I think most receptions are like that, but I guess they don't have to be.

You'll still have to act as an MC, though. You'll be told beforehand who wants to say a few words so you just introduce them before they get up to speak.

3qsmavrod5twfe

Basically, you are the MC for the night. Typically the role of best man is to introduce the various spekers and save yourself till last. The groom/bride will have done all the thanking so all you need to do on a thank you basis is to thank the groom for finally admitting that you are indeed "the best man" (it's pretty standard!). Throw in a light hearted story or two involving you and the groom such as how you became friends and any shenanigans that you got up to that aren't too embarrassing. Also a story about how he is happiest when he is with the bride - once again pretty standard. Finish off with a toast and tell everyone to enjoy the night and Rob's your father's brother.

The more lighthearted the better.

And tell the bridesmaids they look like a "shower of roides"!

LightningBolt

Doesn't somebody usually MC from the groomsmen and the best man give a speech? Has been like that at any wedding I've gone to.

If you're really stuck for ideas you should go onto the football365 forum and use the thread search for the "best mans speech". It's really, really good for giving you an idea of what to include and not to include. Avoid using the jokes that pop up in the thread time and time again, most people will have heard them by this stage.

Embarrass the groom by all accounts but don't do it in such a way that the Bride or Bride's family will also be embarrassed/annoyed.

Try to keep the speech to five minutes or so. That's loads of time in my mind, any more and you'll start to lose people if there's been a speech or two beforehand.

Finally, make sure you only have a couple of drinks on you max. Last thing you want to be doing is slurring your words in front of everybody and dropping swear words all over the shop!

Good luck with it!

5live

OldGoat wrote: »

You really should have a collection of bits and pieces at hand and then listen to the other speeches. Your speech should then reflect those others.
For example, if the Fathers speech was long and rambling yours should be short and to the point. If the brides mother gave a rib-tickling laugh riot then yours should be quiet and reflective.
You are there to balance everything out, to move things along and to right any wrongs. With a collect of bits and pieces you can select what to use or not use as the rest of the speeches are going on.
Be flexable! You are stage managing the event. So no pressure there then.

Above all remember that the wedding is not about you so don't try to own the show. Dignity and courtsy will be remembered favourabley whereas being an asshat clown just makes you look like an asshat.

All the above is good advice and also the other posters.

Just one piece of advice from a personal point of view. DONT STEAL THE GROOMS SPEECH. Happened with my best man when we were going over what was going into the speeches. He thought it was funny but i was left , literally, speechless. I never forgave that:(.

As maccasarlaigh said, you are there to keep things moving nicely along as MC. The reason you were asked was you are a trusted ambassador for the groom in front of his new family. All he wants is for you to be yourself and to reflect well on him, IMO

starlit

Keep it short sweet and simple! Nothing too racy that might embarrass the bride and groom and their family. Be honest though, have a few jokes and a laugh but clean jokes that can be laughable. There are a number of things you could include in the speech. Add a few memorable nice meaningful and thoughtful quotes.

Obvious one would be how you met and know the bride and groom. Mention the grooms best qualities. How the bride and groom found love. Often pops up how they met but usually the groom mentions that to clear things up if the truth has been bended a bit! Mention the obvious how nice the bride and bridesmaids are dressed and mention the brides best qualities too maybe.

Anything else its up to you and the groom's nearest and dearest though he might need to check it or have an overview of what's in it so he be prepared but not actually hear the speech until the big day.

What ever kind of toast you want to present to the bride in groom that's up to you. Its very simple thing to mention. Most importantly be yourself and show the groom in a good light be honest in a good way too but not to show him up like! Its his day after all you just need to make it extra special for him and his bride! Have fun and enjoy yourself!

Good luck

Skuxx

I heard a good motto about speeches from the groom at a weeding I was at recently! A good speech is very like a mini-skirt, long enough to cover the basics, but short enough to keep you interested!
It could be the oldest saying out there, but I thought it was good!

Curly Judge

Stay off the drink until after the speeches are made.
If allowed try to have all that part of the reception complete before the meal. That will have the effect of making the speeches shorter and all that gut wrenching tension on the top table can be forgotten and everyone can get on with enjoying themselves, and the meal.

coylemj

OP, there are 100s of books on wedding etiquette but it's probably best to avoid them because they put too much structure on the event in order to fill the pages and they'd probably scare you to death if you read any of them.

As has already been pointed out, the best man is basically the MC during and after the meal, you need to find out in advance who wants to get called to say a few words and then you need to decide the order in which they are called. Typically you'll call the groom last and it's he by the way who toasts the bridesmaids, not you.

On your speech, I agree with others who say that you need to balance what has gone before you so if there are too many long-winded speeches by the two fathers and/or the groom, keep yours short and sweet.

Remember that most people have had to listen to rambling, bawdy speeches from the best man at other weddings and coming as you do at the end of the other speeches you need to judge your audience and decide how much of your prepared material to use.

If they look restless and their glasses are empty, keep it short. Say how long you've known the groom, tell a couple of harmless jokes, say how lucky he is to be marrying xxx, then propose a toast to the bride and groom, then sit down.

Nobody will criticise you for too short a speech because most of the guests will probably be keen to stretch their legs (women) or hit the bar (men).

redved

one thing I did when I was best man was go to the function room, right after the mass but before anybody had been called for dinner.

Ask for the microphone and run very quickly through your speech. Really helps settle the nerves. You only need 5 minutes

seamus

All good advice here. As said above, the best man's job is not to thank anybody or give any solemn speeches. He's the MC, he provides the filler between the speeches by introducing each person and anything else that needs to be said (introducing the B&G, asking people to move into the bar after the meal, if necessary, etc).

The best man's speech is often expected to be funny, but it doesn't have to be. General format of the best man's speech is to tell people why you're the best man (i.e. why are you particularly close to the groom), a fond memory that you have of the best man, and then a commentary on how great the bride looks and how much he doesn't deserve her. All done through anecdotes.
Avoid in-jokes that only you and 10 others will get. If there's an in-joke that's funny, then there's a backstory, so tell the backstory so everyone can enjoy it.
Avoid anything that might embarrass the parents or upset the bride. Stories about the time they had a big fight and Johnny went off and slept with ten women that night won't go down well.

If you can't be funny, just be nice.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not a time to hang the groom out to dry in front of his family and friends. That's a roast. This is a wedding.

The format of the speeches (how, when and where) is down the bride and groom, so make sure you clear with them what they want. Where both fathers are making a speech, there can sometimes be a bit of tension about who goes first, so don't take it upon yourself to make the decision.

To relax yourself into it, you can read out the messages, emails, etc at the very start before any speeches. This will shake out the initial nerves and get you used to holding the mic.

And practice, practice, practice, practice. I've never once seen someone say, "Ah I'll just wing it when I get up there" and then manage to make a good speech.

passremarkable

any one advice on funny /cheesy start up lines to say for the speech?doing one shortly...
any jokes/things to would be apprteciated from what people have witnessed at a wedding themselves

LegacyUser

I was at a wedding, all was going swimmingly until the best man decided to jokingly throw in the following into his speech, directed at the bride-
"Being in a relationship with a man is like tiling a floor- lay it right the first time& you can walk over it forever".
Funnily enough noone can remember any of the rest of his speech, or indeed anyone elses, a couple of years down the road

Jimmy Rabbitte Snr

amacca wrote: »

anyone any ideas where to find details on what should be included in a best man speech?

Irish wedding....not looking for anything too formal but just what the basics that should be included are

presumably I should start out with how stunningly beautiful the bridesmaids are looking or something to that effect ..... tks to the ushers etc

how many toasts are too many toasts

It's a horrible job to have to do. Did it two years ago and couldn't relax all day. The speech went well as it goes but still wouldn't wish it on anyone. Everyone expects the Best Man to be a ****ing comedian!

rannerap

I had to give a best man speech during the summer at my best friends wedding despite the fact I am a girl. Just dont do what I did and leave it until the last minute and you should be fine :pac:

py2006

I don't envy you. Public speaking is one of my worst fears. Thankfully, when my mate got married he did it in the registry office so there was no best man as such and no speech.

Get yourself a standout one-liner sorted and open with it. Laughter straight up is essential.
As long as you are not talking about anyone or anything specific, there's nothing wrong with being 'edgy' IMHO. All those aunties have seen a few things, they love that stuff more than anyone.
Don't tell anecdotes. 'Hilarious' stories about a night out with the groom usually end up falling flat. Instead stick to observations and comments.
Write it all down, memorise it, and have it with you when you speak. It will give you confidence to ad lib knowing you have everything you need to say right there in your hand.
You have to thank and toast the bridesmaids at the end of your speech. Consult the groom to check if there are any others he needs checked off the list, but otherwise stick to the bridesmaids.

iptba

Perhaps of interest:

Unaccustomed as I am: my fear of public speaking

I was delighted my friend was getting married, horrified that I had to make a speech, writes CIAN TRAYNOR

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/features/2012/1205/1224327498598.html

--Kaiser--

Did one of these recently. I was nervous as feck about it but I figured if I'm prepared in what I'm saying then I'll less to be nervous about speaking. So I started thinking about it months in advance and kept chopping and changing bits of it. In the end I had the speech memorised by heart, so I had less to be anxious about. On the day I was a bit jittery, I couldn't touch the food (I had a glass or two of wine to steady the nerves - I wouldn't recommend drinking too much). Once I told the first joke and everyone laughed I was on a roll. The speech was well received, I was complimented on it by almost everyone, and I could relax.

So, some tips:

• Perpare, prepare, prepare - any off the cuff speeches I heard have been poor
• Start with a joke/witticism and pepper jokes throughout your speech to keep them interested (cheesy, old and bad jokes will do - a wedding crowd will laugh at anything)
• Don't alienate the audience with in-jokes
• Don't be afraid to tell jokes that are a little bit dirty
• Don't be afraid to be a little bit insulting towards the couple, though be respectful
• Tick all the boxes - compliment the bridesmaids, bride, parents of the couple etc....
• Tell a story highlighting what good people the couple are, or how well they are together etc...
• Be ready to improvise in some way, depending on the crowd reaction
• Practise in front of a friend or two - they'll tell you if you're swaying too much, looking down, or saying umm too much and so on

RobbieTheRobber

I had to do two best speechs over the last few years, by the second I had it down.

Dont get drunk it wont help.
Make it a bit personal your a friend of the Groom so it should be to him your speaking not for everyone else first.

Dont try to make it side splittingly funny, it wont be!
Keep it short and sweet!

I used the opening line of,

I have heard that a good speech is the same as a good skirt, short and just long enough to cover the bare essentials. (Stolen form a speech i heard)


Lastly everyone else will be drunk by the time your speech gets done so there really isnt that much pressure. (although you wont feel that untils its too late)

--Kaiser--

RobbieTheRobber wrote: »

Dont try to make it side splittingly funny, it wont be!

Speak for yourself!

D'Agger

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Speak for yourself!

:pac:

mfceiling

I did it at my best mates wedding. Thoroughly enjoyed it as i took the hand out of him (no malice just a bit of sport) and it was a great day so i tried to add to it.

He's a bit of a mummy's boy so i started with " X was always in our house when we were growing up....my brothers and i said he's like the sister we never had...and my father said he's like the daughter he never wanted "

I also gave his father a little rub....The man is bald except for his pride and joy of a small bit of hair back and sides. "Doesn't Mr X look great today...who'd have thought he spent an hour doing his hair this morning........only to walk out of the house and leave it sitting on the table"

If you plan it out and remember that EVERYONE is on your side then it can be a great day that you can look back on with fondness.

EdenHazard

Just ask Tom Fletcher

fullstop

EdenHazard wrote: »

Just ask Tom Fletcher

But not in AH

efb

I did was brothers best man in Aug, I like public speaking so it was ok for me. Again be the MC, introduce all those that wish to speak- one thing I did was note who has/hasn't been thanked so no one (important) gets left out, and theirs no repetition. I delivered my speech off the cuff, but I knew the structure of what I was going to say. If you are not comfortable or sure write out key things you do want to say. Don't ramble, keep in light and throwing in a reference to something that happened in the wedding always a nice touch. Don't be bawdy and compliment the new bride. Finally toast the bride and groom! 7 mins max.